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M. Knit Shyamalan

- Submitted by Teifi

111 comments on M. Knit Shyamalan

  1. LeeLooDallas
    August 5, 2010 at 9:32 am

    The pie makes this not creepy AT ALL!

    Thumb up Thumb down +313

  2. thembone
    August 5, 2010 at 9:34 am

    The sad part is that she’s the daughter of one of the greatest knitting geniuses of modern times. And usually not bad herself (though I hear she’s a pain to work with.) This was just bad decision-making, though.

    Thumb up Thumb down +75

  3. tejasmom
    August 5, 2010 at 9:35 am

    Stitchy McYarnpants, you’ve come back!

    Thumb up Thumb down +54

  4. curlytopnola
    August 5, 2010 at 9:35 am

    just another ordinary day in the witness protection program.

    hey, junior! stop fingering the pie.

    Thumb up Thumb down +267

  5. knittin-kitten
    August 5, 2010 at 9:36 am

    As a knitter, I hang my head in shame at the needlework fuckery.

    As a Regretsian I must say, it looks like that mutant family from Texas Chainsaw Massacre got a hobby. So nice when families do things together, isn’t it?

    Thumb up Thumb down +318

  6. jesusmotherbug
    August 5, 2010 at 9:36 am

    “We had so many special occasions this week, I just had to make a pie! My husband robbed his first bank, my son joined Slipknot and my daughter was made a Grand Dragon Wizard in the KKK!”

    –Leatherface, interview in Redbook

    Thumb up Thumb down +694

  7. ADHD
    August 5, 2010 at 9:36 am

    The model in white looks like a cross between the tin man and a member of the KKK.

    The mouth slits creep me out.

    Thumb up Thumb down +100

  8. tejasmom
    August 5, 2010 at 9:38 am
  9. beqi
    August 5, 2010 at 9:39 am

    Nightmares. Now with pie.

    Thumb up Thumb down +166

  10. knittin-kitten
    August 5, 2010 at 9:40 am

    It’s the Insane Crochet Posse!

    I know Meg Swanson is the daughter of an American knitting legend, and a great knitter in her own right, but this is a waste of yarn. Somewhere a sheep is crying quietly in a corner because of what you did to it’s wool!

    Thumb up Thumb down +166

  11. knittin-kitten
    August 5, 2010 at 9:40 am

    It’s the Insane Crochet Posse!

    I know Meg Swanson is the daughter of an American knitting legend, and a great knitter in her own right, but this is a waste of yarn. Somewhere a sheep is crying quietly in a corner because of what you did to it’s wool!

    Thumb up Thumb down +17

  12. coolpauper
    August 5, 2010 at 9:41 am

    It sucks being Mormon in Alaska.

    Thumb up Thumb down +75

  13. Patty got abducted by a Steampunk Alien
    August 5, 2010 at 9:41 am

    What’s really creepy is if you look at the kids’ eyes, they’re SMILING underneath these things.

    And the mother’s jaw is agape.

    I’m really fucking scared now.

    Thumb up Thumb down +71

  14. Patty got abducted by a Steampunk Alien
    August 5, 2010 at 9:44 am

    I just made my daughter look at this and she said, “I’m gonna leave, that’s really messed up. The dad’s eyes follow you all over. Its really creepy.”

    She’s 17 years old.

    Thumb up Thumb down +63

  15. Marlo
    August 5, 2010 at 9:47 am

    @Patty

    I am 18 years old, and I want to hide under the covers and cry for a good two hours.

    Thumb up Thumb down +38

  16. mitte
    August 5, 2010 at 9:50 am

    My mind just exploded!

    This HAS to be art, or else I absolutely don’t understand how it can have a place in this world.

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  17. curlytopnola
    August 5, 2010 at 9:52 am

    i’m not knitter, so excuse my lack of knowledge of industry lingo but is that a list of things they will do to you if you don’t eat the pie?

    Thumb up Thumb down +131

  18. mtopia
    August 5, 2010 at 9:52 am
  19. Marlo
    August 5, 2010 at 9:54 am

    Honestly, though. What the fuck IS this? They look like knit S&M masks. The white one looks like a scary KKK elf.

    All my fears are irrational, so the fact that I’m afraid of THESE raping me in the middle of the night instead of anything else doing so is totally normal for me. Actually, my only rational fear is of nuclear radiation.

    To summarize, I suck, and these are fucking scary.

    Thumb up Thumb down +60

  20. I would totally knit and wear that Tin Man balaclava if it were done in silver. And the gray face also looks pretty awesome. The cabling on the dad make it look like he’s crying.

    But I also went out of my way to purchase a mohawk-looking Tibetan hat at the local mall, and I am still trying to figure out how to knit a Klein Bottle hat. (and I have a collection of hats I picked up when I went to see Cirque Du Soleil). Actually, these look like Cirque would use them when they play Anchorage.

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  21. pleasedontpickme
    August 5, 2010 at 9:58 am

    so do these freaks use hot glue instead of candle wax on the nipples?

    Thumb up Thumb down +21

  22. hamoza
    August 5, 2010 at 10:00 am

    ‘Shut your pie hole’ will never mean what it usta’ mean.

    Thumb up Thumb down +50

  23. joshpincusiscrying
    August 5, 2010 at 10:01 am

    Is this The Gimp from Pulp Fiction’s Christmas card?

    Thumb up Thumb down +47

  24. Woody
    August 5, 2010 at 10:01 am

    I think this is the band Slipknot posing for their Christmas card picture. “Merry Xmas from Chris, Joey, Sid, 133, Clown, Corey and Mick. This pie contains semen”

    Thumb up Thumb down +70

  25. amndad
    August 5, 2010 at 10:02 am

    why the HELL is there a thumb in the pie?

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  26. thecatsmeow
    August 5, 2010 at 10:11 am

    these are snow fugly, snow fooling.

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  27. LadyGrey
    August 5, 2010 at 10:13 am

    #3 tejasmom :
    Stitchy McYarnpants, you’ve come back!

    ————————————————
    Awwwww, I so <3 Stitchy McYarnpants – I wish she would come back!

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  28. scaffnet
    August 5, 2010 at 10:13 am

    This shit is AWESOME, people!

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  29. Rob T Firefly
    August 5, 2010 at 10:13 am

    The hardest part is knitting the zippers into the mouth holes.

    Thumb up Thumb down +49

  30. Efit
    August 5, 2010 at 10:15 am

    So when the models posed for this photo, did they think, “God this is ridiculous”?

    And when the photographer shot this, did she muse, “Holy shit this is terrifying”?

    And when the knitter saw her final product, did she exclaim, “Mother fucker! What was I thinking?”?

    Thumb up Thumb down +108

  31. Lara
    August 5, 2010 at 10:18 am

    If I had baked a pie that resembled nothing so much as a deflated basketball crammed in a pie pan, I’d cover my face, too.

    Thumb up Thumb down +35

  32. emporiumgitane
    August 5, 2010 at 10:19 am

    Bow ties and short sleeve dress shirts look ridiculous.

    Thumb up Thumb down +19

  33. hamoza
    August 5, 2010 at 10:19 am

    Stripe face dude looks like a rabid dog , but I think the tin man is awesome. I’d wear it in a hot minute. Wait-make that a cold minute.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  34. HelenaHandbasket
    August 5, 2010 at 10:22 am

    The Burn Unit’s monthly bakery outing.

    Thumb up Thumb down +111

  35. hamoza
    August 5, 2010 at 10:23 am

    @Helena- Baaaahahahahaha.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  36. Mistletoe
    August 5, 2010 at 10:29 am

    Ah, another Thanksgiving at the Gimp family household.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  37. MAG
    August 5, 2010 at 10:31 am

    Three things.
    1. (the girl on the left) So that’s what the KKK wears way up north!
    2. Is the pie knitted too?
    3. Seriously…as a deep freeze camper, there were times I could have used that thing. If only for no one to know I was stupid to go out camping in sub zero temperatures.

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  38. pplrdum
    August 5, 2010 at 10:31 am

    wow, this is just offensive and inappropriate; the mom’s apron is TOTALLY clashing with her knit cap!

    Thumb up Thumb down +26

  39. knittin-kitten
    August 5, 2010 at 10:32 am

    (I’m sorry about the double posting. Put down to hands trembling in fear that someone might reproduce this horror.)

    @Eft-I doubt it. A sense of humor is few and far between among knitters. some of them take the craft far, far too seriously.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  40. Efit
    August 5, 2010 at 10:36 am

    @#39 – True dat. But how in the hell can anyone take this nightmarish shit seriously? Ya know? Please.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  41. hamoza
    August 5, 2010 at 10:41 am

    @MAG # 37-I’m another crazy deep freeze camper, and would totally love to wear the tinman number this winter. It’s multipurpose -stay warm, have a helluva’ good time scaring the neighbors,& keep the wild critters at bay.

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

  42. bubblemonkey
    August 5, 2010 at 10:44 am

    OH MY GOD what in the fuck is this?? It reminds me of something from TLC about the wolf-face guy.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  43. knittin-kitten
    August 5, 2010 at 10:47 am

    @Eft-they do, trust me.

    I promise you if I ever produce a crafttastrophe like this, I will laugh along with the rest of you.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  44. Dynomoose
    August 5, 2010 at 10:50 am

    Aren’t balaclavas a must have in certain climates?

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  45. Stretch65
    August 5, 2010 at 11:05 am

    While Shelia thought they were a close KNIT family and all shared a love for wool, her marriage began to UNRAVEL. It all started when husband Bob used his tassel to tantalize a pussy outside of the family unit

    Thumb up Thumb down +32

  46. enamy
    August 5, 2010 at 11:15 am

    “American knitting legend” = a phrase I never thought I’d hear/read.

    Thumb up Thumb down +41

  47. WhyLikeThis
    August 5, 2010 at 11:28 am

    Thug Life finally makes it to the midwest

    It’s G. U. Knit

    they’ve just spun their first hit track on the Long Yarn label”curl up and dye”. the video debuts on cable this week
    the album is called “Sock it to the man”

    …I’ll stop doing that now

    these hideous face sweaters make this family look like sock monkeys
    …evil, evil sock monkeys

    that wait until you’re asleep to come out from under your bed and feast on your soul

    in pie form

    if anyone needs me i’ll be…

    Thumb up Thumb down +22

  48. WhyLikeThis
    August 5, 2010 at 11:29 am

    …hiding under the desk
    Aaaaaaaaaagh!

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  49. Erin
    August 5, 2010 at 11:30 am

    I think that kid wants me to get in his pie…and that frightens me beyond all comprehension.
    This whole picture is just incredibly unsettling.

    (shame shame and waggily finger to the graphic design team that signed off on THIS. Presumably this was the pic with the most widespread appeal. Can you imagine the rejected images?! I don’t think I’ll ever truly sleep soundly again.)

    Thumb up Thumb down +22

  50. BillsBayou
    August 5, 2010 at 11:36 am

    “Short row a chin,
    Unravel a mouth,
    And double decrease a nose”

    This haiku sucks!

    Thumb up Thumb down +49

  51. thecatsmeow
    August 5, 2010 at 11:44 am

    Maybe the pie is a clue as to where the sadist has taken them.

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  52. starrydreams
    August 5, 2010 at 11:45 am

    #45 Dynamoose- that’s what we wear to survive the Canadian winter!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  53. catwithoutacause
    August 5, 2010 at 11:48 am

    the best “awkward family photos” ever

    Thumb up Thumb down +48

  54. Wilma Fingerdoo
    August 5, 2010 at 11:55 am

    Is it nursery rhyme week on Regretsy?
    I get the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker… but what’s with the mean gray kid with the pie?
    Oh, it’s little Jack Horner.

    Thumb up Thumb down +18

  55. knitvincible
    August 5, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    Meg Swansen is a wonderful designer, but seriously WTF? Was she TRYING to knit a KKK balaclava?

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  56. knitvincible
    August 5, 2010 at 12:13 pm

    Oh and the pie pointing kid, what the fuck were they thinking?!?

    #30 Efit, totally! It’s not just the designer who had to approve. There’s the photographer, the models, the magazine editor, the layout editor… and they ALL thought this was an ok idea?!?!

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  57. nooonotthebees
    August 5, 2010 at 12:18 pm

    This is some kind of fetish thing, isn’t it?

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  58. Efit
    August 5, 2010 at 12:29 pm

    @#57 EXACTLY. And what the fuck is a balaclava? Until I did this, I thought y’all were misspelling “baklava”:
    http://lmgtfy.com/?q=balaclava

    And yes bitches, I said “y’all.”

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  59. prairiefire
    August 5, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    The KKK took my needles away.

    Thumb up Thumb down +18

  60. hamoza
    August 5, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    Maybe it’s a baklava pie. Y’know , like a turducken-chicken stuffed into a duck stuffed into a turkey. This is baklava baked inside of a pie.
    And I’m guessing the 4 & 20 blackbirds are in there also, just waiting to fly away from these freaks.

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  61. whitmansspider
    August 5, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    Just because you *can* knit something, doesn’t mean you should.

    Thumb up Thumb down +34

  62. BillsBayou
    August 5, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    If Patty Hearst had bought this book as a child, we never would have recognized her willing participation in the SLA bank robbery.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  63. Hermit Crab Formerly Known As Elvis
    August 5, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    Come on, now, guys. This is a brilliant idea! When you want to go rob a bank, murder your neighbor, or the criminal activity of your choice, there won’t be any incriminating ski masks purchased on your credit card! You could be using that yarn for ANYTHING!

    Thumb up Thumb down +15

  64. BillsBayou
    August 5, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    To do list:
    – Shovel snow off sidewalk
    – Pick up kids from school
    – Lynch that family who just moved in down the street before the property values go down
    – Eat pie

    Thumb up Thumb down +50

  65. Snargasm
    August 5, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    And to think until this day I thought knits were for Gramma. Now I learn they’re all the range among racial terrorists, bank robbers, and that kid who sticks his fingers in everything.

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  66. BillsBayou
    August 5, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    A game you can play with the cover. Spot the differences:
    http://www.threadsmagazine.com/games/spot-the-difference/39-p78

    If you want a copy of this magazine, Here are some auctions for the back issue of Threads:
    http://shop.ebay.com/?_from=R40&_trksid=p3907.m570.l1313&_nkw=Threads+Magazine%2C+Issue+%2339&_sacat=See-All-Categories

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  67. razberries
    August 5, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    this is so creepy.
    everything i thought has already been said.
    dunno if anyone mentioned the invisible man or “hollow man” yet, but there’s some more creepiness for you to consider.
    this is a strange mash-up- kkk, invisible man, the kid from the “american pie” movie, and the dude from “fat albert”…

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  68. Stretch65
    August 5, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    RAZ: Fat Albert’s MUSHMOUTH FTW !!

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  69. Trix
    August 5, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    I’m going to print this picture out and send it out as a Christmas card with the caption “The family that sleighs together, stays together.”

    Thumb up Thumb down +35

  70. ScrapMetal
    August 5, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    Just in case you weren’t sure- check out the rightmost “kid’s” eye- slit pupil, unearthly gray/white iris- yep, that’s one of Satan’s children. He’s pointing to the pie in which he baked his earthly mother, after he killed her and chopped her up into mincemeat. Made Dad proud.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  71. justjess
    August 5, 2010 at 2:25 pm

    This may be the most frightening thing I’ve ever seen. And having spent quite a bit of time here….that’s saying A LOT!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  72. justjess
    August 5, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    And! What is in that PIE!?!?!?! Why is the kid pointing at it like that?

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  73. Fnarf
    August 5, 2010 at 2:28 pm

    Y’all are nuts. These are FANTASTIC. I want to wear the one on the lower-right to Wal-Mart.

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

  74. WhyLikeThis
    August 5, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    on second thought, it’s nice that Lars Von Treir found a hobby

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  75. leftfoot
    August 5, 2010 at 3:20 pm

    Nothin’s as wholesome as Apple Pie and the Klan.

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  76. IscreamUscream
    August 5, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    Their Vegas act on the skids, Mummenschanz desperately turns to avant-garde bank heists.

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  77. rumi monger
    August 5, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    best. posting title. ever.

    btw, i hear this crafter is branching out into doing teasable wigs: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v62/jbailey84/TheRing2.jpg

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  78. razberries
    August 5, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    Skully!! lmfao…thank you for including that american pie video artwork…I just SNORTED over here
    :-D

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  79. knittin-kitten
    August 5, 2010 at 5:26 pm

    Skully, there are no words for how in awe I am of you!

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  80. crash
    August 5, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    SNOW FUCKING WAY!!!!! I was just on the way to the patent office to register MY knitted rape masks for the whole family!

    Thumb up Thumb down +17

  81. snarkywench
    August 5, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    I’m learning to knit just so these bad boys can be birthday and Christmas gifts!

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  82. twatsupcock
    August 5, 2010 at 6:22 pm

    Knit one,
    Purl two,
    Kill three,
    burn four. . .

    Thumb up Thumb down +39

  83. Mrs.Vagoo
    August 5, 2010 at 6:54 pm

    I can just hear the photographer saying “Touch the pie. TOUCH IT! Not like that!Why can you people look NATURAL!”

    Thumb up Thumb down +26

  84. Vile & Evil Debbie Downer
    August 5, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    This is just one step away from The People Under The Stairs:
    http://i990.photobucket.com/albums/af28/sunshynegrll/peopleUTS1.jpg

    Also, I once had a balaclava vaguely similar to these. I embroidered on a bright red crazy smile (think the Joker in Dark Knight) and wore it while skiing. Fun times.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  85. Kecky
    August 5, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    I think the masks are photoshopped on. They don’t interact with the people properly.

    I’m more creeped out than ever by the thought of a bland family photo HIDING UNDERNEATH. I mean, were the models aware that they would be mutilated like this? Are they trapped by the sinister powers of the yarn goblins? Can they ever escape??? AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  86. mamasaid
    August 5, 2010 at 8:23 pm

    I second whoever first mentioned The Texas Chainsaw Massacre resemblence. The dimension of wholesome that the knitting is supposed to bring in rivals the disturbing nature of the cutting people in half with a fucking chainsaw.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  87. mamasaid
    August 5, 2010 at 8:25 pm

    Actually, what I find even more disturbing is that after reading it for the third time, I still don’t know what the fuck the text is referring to. I feel like they probably chant that before they sacrifice a virgin to the crops.

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

  88. knittin-kitten
    August 5, 2010 at 9:39 pm

    I have the horrible suspicion that is Meg Swanson under the mask. Call it knitter’s intuition.

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  89. Thenutmeg2000
    August 5, 2010 at 10:04 pm

    There were some older scary balaklavas from a lady’s magazine that really made these look tame. Craftster.org has a post of them plus a reknit…http://www.craftster.org/blog/?p=52

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  90. Chaosrules
    August 5, 2010 at 10:18 pm

    I bet this family has a reborn baby or two and right now the mother is knitting one of those little ugly fuckers a custom mask.

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  91. laughinglurker
    August 6, 2010 at 4:35 am

    These masks are totally creepy but oddly compelling. And the Father’s eyes DO follow you everywhere, yikes!

    And, Regretsians, thanks as always, for the fabulous friday afternoon laugh. I snorted out loud several times reading your posts….

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  92. mambolica
    August 6, 2010 at 10:24 am

    I’ve been in fetish shops – I know a gimp mask when I see one. And I see four.

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  93. gracie4938
    August 6, 2010 at 10:52 am

    the gimp’s sleepin.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  94. worldfamousfudgy
    August 6, 2010 at 11:13 am

    My snail would prefer one of these, I think. I mean his body is protected from the elements by his shell… so technically this would be more functional.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  95. CallMeMacPhisto
    August 6, 2010 at 2:58 pm

    What a tweest!!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  96. invaderhorizongreen
    August 6, 2010 at 4:05 pm

    maybe they had to wear the masks or they would get no pie

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  97. Snarkmanian
    August 6, 2010 at 5:19 pm

    im looking at a head for my mini me life sized voodoo doll i set up each halloween to hand out candy to scare the munchkinz, these are tres creepy enough to fit the bill:P

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  98. PokerFace
    August 6, 2010 at 6:34 pm

    The boy in the iron mask meets Texas chain saw massacre killer.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  99. Gosh
    August 22, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    To me it looks like a mixed race’s family just met their daughter’s kkk boyfriend….

    I dont even think the dissidents over here would wear those balaclavas… they would rather get caught… [Northern Ireland...]

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  100. Gosh
    August 22, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    And WHY OH WHY are they wearing them INDOORS?

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  101. DamnitsGlam
    August 22, 2010 at 9:10 pm

    Oh HELL no. A KKK mask. Dear God in heaven …

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  102. radhablossom
    August 29, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -16

  103. Badger
    September 20, 2010 at 7:11 pm

    You know, my mom loved Halloween, and I can (sadly) see her wearing one of these to give out candy to the kids just to creep them out (her usual costume was a gorilla mask, a moth-eaten fur coat, and an old wedding dress she’d picked up at a rummage sale).

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  104. pennylegs
    September 21, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    Please God, don’t ever let me open the door and find these are my new neighbours.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  105. miss_lizzah
    September 30, 2010 at 8:13 pm

    why… why is the child-thing POKING the pie, pray tell?

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  106. Moxie
    September 30, 2010 at 8:37 pm

    The father’s hand on the kid’s shoulder is like he’s saying, “Now, now, son – don’t creep out the nice people.” Like a finger in the pie is the breaking point.

    What freaks me out is that the dad is wearing a knitted hat attached to a KNITTED FACE!! So, so wrong…

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  107. awkwardpanda
    May 5, 2011 at 12:08 am

    I love the hat on the left. If there’s no burning cross nearby to keep warm, pull on this knitted number without having to reveal your face or compromising your symbol of hatred for the negro. WHITE 100% SHEEP’S WOOL POWER!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  108. david
    September 29, 2012 at 10:55 am

    That’s what I call nightmare fuel.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

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