- Submitted by Teifi
The pie makes this not creepy AT ALL!
The sad part is that she’s the daughter of one of the greatest knitting geniuses of modern times. And usually not bad herself (though I hear she’s a pain to work with.) This was just bad decision-making, though.
Stitchy McYarnpants, you’ve come back!
just another ordinary day in the witness protection program.
hey, junior! stop fingering the pie.
As a knitter, I hang my head in shame at the needlework fuckery.
As a Regretsian I must say, it looks like that mutant family from Texas Chainsaw Massacre got a hobby. So nice when families do things together, isn’t it?
“We had so many special occasions this week, I just had to make a pie! My husband robbed his first bank, my son joined Slipknot and my daughter was made a Grand Dragon Wizard in the KKK!”
–Leatherface, interview in Redbook
The model in white looks like a cross between the tin man and a member of the KKK.
The mouth slits creep me out.
Forgot this: http://stitchymcyarnpants.com/moks06/
Nightmares. Now with pie.
It’s the Insane Crochet Posse!
I know Meg Swanson is the daughter of an American knitting legend, and a great knitter in her own right, but this is a waste of yarn. Somewhere a sheep is crying quietly in a corner because of what you did to it’s wool!
It sucks being Mormon in Alaska.
What’s really creepy is if you look at the kids’ eyes, they’re SMILING underneath these things.
And the mother’s jaw is agape.
I’m really fucking scared now.
I just made my daughter look at this and she said, “I’m gonna leave, that’s really messed up. The dad’s eyes follow you all over. Its really creepy.”
She’s 17 years old.
I am 18 years old, and I want to hide under the covers and cry for a good two hours.
My mind just exploded!
This HAS to be art, or else I absolutely don’t understand how it can have a place in this world.
i’m not knitter, so excuse my lack of knowledge of industry lingo but is that a list of things they will do to you if you don’t eat the pie?
It reminds me of this movie:
Honestly, though. What the fuck IS this? They look like knit S&M masks. The white one looks like a scary KKK elf.
All my fears are irrational, so the fact that I’m afraid of THESE raping me in the middle of the night instead of anything else doing so is totally normal for me. Actually, my only rational fear is of nuclear radiation.
To summarize, I suck, and these are fucking scary.
I would totally knit and wear that Tin Man balaclava if it were done in silver. And the gray face also looks pretty awesome. The cabling on the dad make it look like he’s crying.
But I also went out of my way to purchase a mohawk-looking Tibetan hat at the local mall, and I am still trying to figure out how to knit a Klein Bottle hat. (and I have a collection of hats I picked up when I went to see Cirque Du Soleil). Actually, these look like Cirque would use them when they play Anchorage.
so do these freaks use hot glue instead of candle wax on the nipples?
‘Shut your pie hole’ will never mean what it usta’ mean.
Is this The Gimp from Pulp Fiction’s Christmas card?
I think this is the band Slipknot posing for their Christmas card picture. “Merry Xmas from Chris, Joey, Sid, 133, Clown, Corey and Mick. This pie contains semen”
why the HELL is there a thumb in the pie?
these are snow fugly, snow fooling.
#3 tejasmom :
Stitchy McYarnpants, you’ve come back!
Awwwww, I so <3 Stitchy McYarnpants – I wish she would come back!
This shit is AWESOME, people!
The hardest part is knitting the zippers into the mouth holes.
So when the models posed for this photo, did they think, “God this is ridiculous”?
And when the photographer shot this, did she muse, “Holy shit this is terrifying”?
And when the knitter saw her final product, did she exclaim, “Mother fucker! What was I thinking?”?
If I had baked a pie that resembled nothing so much as a deflated basketball crammed in a pie pan, I’d cover my face, too.
Bow ties and short sleeve dress shirts look ridiculous.
Stripe face dude looks like a rabid dog , but I think the tin man is awesome. I’d wear it in a hot minute. Wait-make that a cold minute.
The Burn Unit’s monthly bakery outing.
Ah, another Thanksgiving at the Gimp family household.
1. (the girl on the left) So that’s what the KKK wears way up north!
2. Is the pie knitted too?
3. Seriously…as a deep freeze camper, there were times I could have used that thing. If only for no one to know I was stupid to go out camping in sub zero temperatures.
wow, this is just offensive and inappropriate; the mom’s apron is TOTALLY clashing with her knit cap!
(I’m sorry about the double posting. Put down to hands trembling in fear that someone might reproduce this horror.)
@Eft-I doubt it. A sense of humor is few and far between among knitters. some of them take the craft far, far too seriously.
@#39 – True dat. But how in the hell can anyone take this nightmarish shit seriously? Ya know? Please.
@MAG # 37-I’m another crazy deep freeze camper, and would totally love to wear the tinman number this winter. It’s multipurpose -stay warm, have a helluva’ good time scaring the neighbors,& keep the wild critters at bay.
OH MY GOD what in the fuck is this?? It reminds me of something from TLC about the wolf-face guy.
@Eft-they do, trust me.
I promise you if I ever produce a crafttastrophe like this, I will laugh along with the rest of you.
Aren’t balaclavas a must have in certain climates?
While Shelia thought they were a close KNIT family and all shared a love for wool, her marriage began to UNRAVEL. It all started when husband Bob used his tassel to tantalize a pussy outside of the family unit
“American knitting legend” = a phrase I never thought I’d hear/read.
Thug Life finally makes it to the midwest
It’s G. U. Knit
they’ve just spun their first hit track on the Long Yarn label”curl up and dye”. the video debuts on cable this week
the album is called “Sock it to the man”
…I’ll stop doing that now
these hideous face sweaters make this family look like sock monkeys
…evil, evil sock monkeys
that wait until you’re asleep to come out from under your bed and feast on your soul
in pie form
if anyone needs me i’ll be…
…hiding under the desk
I think that kid wants me to get in his pie…and that frightens me beyond all comprehension.
This whole picture is just incredibly unsettling.
(shame shame and waggily finger to the graphic design team that signed off on THIS. Presumably this was the pic with the most widespread appeal. Can you imagine the rejected images?! I don’t think I’ll ever truly sleep soundly again.)
“Short row a chin,
Unravel a mouth,
And double decrease a nose”
This haiku sucks!
Maybe the pie is a clue as to where the sadist has taken them.
#45 Dynamoose- that’s what we wear to survive the Canadian winter!!
the best “awkward family photos” ever
Is it nursery rhyme week on Regretsy?
I get the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker… but what’s with the mean gray kid with the pie?
Oh, it’s little Jack Horner.
Meg Swansen is a wonderful designer, but seriously WTF? Was she TRYING to knit a KKK balaclava?
Oh and the pie pointing kid, what the fuck were they thinking?!?
#30 Efit, totally! It’s not just the designer who had to approve. There’s the photographer, the models, the magazine editor, the layout editor… and they ALL thought this was an ok idea?!?!
This is some kind of fetish thing, isn’t it?
@#57 EXACTLY. And what the fuck is a balaclava? Until I did this, I thought y’all were misspelling “baklava”:
And yes bitches, I said “y’all.”
The KKK took my needles away.
Maybe it’s a baklava pie. Y’know , like a turducken-chicken stuffed into a duck stuffed into a turkey. This is baklava baked inside of a pie.
And I’m guessing the 4 & 20 blackbirds are in there also, just waiting to fly away from these freaks.
Just because you *can* knit something, doesn’t mean you should.
If Patty Hearst had bought this book as a child, we never would have recognized her willing participation in the SLA bank robbery.
Come on, now, guys. This is a brilliant idea! When you want to go rob a bank, murder your neighbor, or the criminal activity of your choice, there won’t be any incriminating ski masks purchased on your credit card! You could be using that yarn for ANYTHING!
To do list:
– Shovel snow off sidewalk
– Pick up kids from school
– Lynch that family who just moved in down the street before the property values go down
– Eat pie
And to think until this day I thought knits were for Gramma. Now I learn they’re all the range among racial terrorists, bank robbers, and that kid who sticks his fingers in everything.
A game you can play with the cover. Spot the differences:
If you want a copy of this magazine, Here are some auctions for the back issue of Threads:
this is so creepy.
everything i thought has already been said.
dunno if anyone mentioned the invisible man or “hollow man” yet, but there’s some more creepiness for you to consider.
this is a strange mash-up- kkk, invisible man, the kid from the “american pie” movie, and the dude from “fat albert”…
RAZ: Fat Albert’s MUSHMOUTH FTW !!
I’m going to print this picture out and send it out as a Christmas card with the caption “The family that sleighs together, stays together.”
Just in case you weren’t sure- check out the rightmost “kid’s” eye- slit pupil, unearthly gray/white iris- yep, that’s one of Satan’s children. He’s pointing to the pie in which he baked his earthly mother, after he killed her and chopped her up into mincemeat. Made Dad proud.
This may be the most frightening thing I’ve ever seen. And having spent quite a bit of time here….that’s saying A LOT!!
And! What is in that PIE!?!?!?! Why is the kid pointing at it like that?
Y’all are nuts. These are FANTASTIC. I want to wear the one on the lower-right to Wal-Mart.
on second thought, it’s nice that Lars Von Treir found a hobby
Nothin’s as wholesome as Apple Pie and the Klan.
Their Vegas act on the skids, Mummenschanz desperately turns to avant-garde bank heists.
best. posting title. ever.
btw, i hear this crafter is branching out into doing teasable wigs: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v62/jbailey84/TheRing2.jpg
Skully!! lmfao…thank you for including that american pie video artwork…I just SNORTED over here
Skully, there are no words for how in awe I am of you!
SNOW FUCKING WAY!!!!! I was just on the way to the patent office to register MY knitted rape masks for the whole family!
I’m learning to knit just so these bad boys can be birthday and Christmas gifts!
burn four. . .
I can just hear the photographer saying “Touch the pie. TOUCH IT! Not like that!Why can you people look NATURAL!”
This is just one step away from The People Under The Stairs:
Also, I once had a balaclava vaguely similar to these. I embroidered on a bright red crazy smile (think the Joker in Dark Knight) and wore it while skiing. Fun times.
I think the masks are photoshopped on. They don’t interact with the people properly.
I’m more creeped out than ever by the thought of a bland family photo HIDING UNDERNEATH. I mean, were the models aware that they would be mutilated like this? Are they trapped by the sinister powers of the yarn goblins? Can they ever escape??? AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I second whoever first mentioned The Texas Chainsaw Massacre resemblence. The dimension of wholesome that the knitting is supposed to bring in rivals the disturbing nature of the cutting people in half with a fucking chainsaw.
Actually, what I find even more disturbing is that after reading it for the third time, I still don’t know what the fuck the text is referring to. I feel like they probably chant that before they sacrifice a virgin to the crops.
I have the horrible suspicion that is Meg Swanson under the mask. Call it knitter’s intuition.
There were some older scary balaklavas from a lady’s magazine that really made these look tame. Craftster.org has a post of them plus a reknit…http://www.craftster.org/blog/?p=52
I bet this family has a reborn baby or two and right now the mother is knitting one of those little ugly fuckers a custom mask.
These masks are totally creepy but oddly compelling. And the Father’s eyes DO follow you everywhere, yikes!
And, Regretsians, thanks as always, for the fabulous friday afternoon laugh. I snorted out loud several times reading your posts….
I’ve been in fetish shops – I know a gimp mask when I see one. And I see four.
the gimp’s sleepin.
My snail would prefer one of these, I think. I mean his body is protected from the elements by his shell… so technically this would be more functional.
What a tweest!!!
maybe they had to wear the masks or they would get no pie
im looking at a head for my mini me life sized voodoo doll i set up each halloween to hand out candy to scare the munchkinz, these are tres creepy enough to fit the bill:P
The boy in the iron mask meets Texas chain saw massacre killer.
To me it looks like a mixed race’s family just met their daughter’s kkk boyfriend….
I dont even think the dissidents over here would wear those balaclavas… they would rather get caught… [Northern Ireland...]
And WHY OH WHY are they wearing them INDOORS?
Oh HELL no. A KKK mask. Dear God in heaven …
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winter gear for Muslim women?
You know, my mom loved Halloween, and I can (sadly) see her wearing one of these to give out candy to the kids just to creep them out (her usual costume was a gorilla mask, a moth-eaten fur coat, and an old wedding dress she’d picked up at a rummage sale).
Please God, don’t ever let me open the door and find these are my new neighbours.
why… why is the child-thing POKING the pie, pray tell?
The father’s hand on the kid’s shoulder is like he’s saying, “Now, now, son – don’t creep out the nice people.” Like a finger in the pie is the breaking point.
What freaks me out is that the dad is wearing a knitted hat attached to a KNITTED FACE!! So, so wrong…
I love the hat on the left. If there’s no burning cross nearby to keep warm, pull on this knitted number without having to reveal your face or compromising your symbol of hatred for the negro. WHITE 100% SHEEP’S WOOL POWER!!
That’s what I call nightmare fuel.
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