You want a custom ‘piece(s)’ of 6-8 materials, complete with embellishments, but want to spend less than a licensed ‘Looney Tunes’ wheel cover from the auto supply shop? and how is there already a bid on that?
If you think you know what I’m thinking, then don’t spend any money on a birthday gift because your boyfriend is breaking up with you in about fifteen minutes
For less than five bucks you can print out a bunch of pictures of yourself and glue them to his steering wheel because honey, your $20 offer makes YOU the dick.
If there was ever a prize “I’m just gonna throw this out there” conversation starter…Im pretty sure this one would win the really tall penis shaped trophy.
That adds up to about $ 3.00 per ‘unit’.
True, I’ve had a few that were worth about $ 2.50-max, but they weren’t handmade.These folks who use Alchemy really are believers that magic will happen with their paltry offerings.
Hi there! And the perfectly good explanation is this…i fantasize about my boyfriend’s hands around another man’s penis…and he’s just not open to it (the prude!)
so! the only way i can figure to see this fantasy come to life is with a steering wheel cover for his jeep made of life-like cocks.
i can see it now, everyday, when he drops me off at work, i can look over at his big, strong hands, gripping that wheel, turning left, turning right…
*but i don’t want to pay a lot of money
What if..(stay with me here)..her boyfriend is a huge fan of Twilight and this is her strange, cheap way of telling him he’s impossibly gay. She only wants to pay $20 for it because as soon as he sees it, it’s either being burned in a trash can or used as a weapon to choke her with. Either way, win!
The pricing on this is just another example of why alchemy is nothing but a big joke. It’s unusual to find a price that would cover supplies, let alone wages over $.10/hr.
I think it is a test in these tough economic times. They are testing how desperate artisans are to lower themselves just to work their craft. Have those who are skilled with their hands any shame? or self respect? – let’s think of the stupidest thing we can and see if anyone will do it – oh they will….! … interesting…
alchemy is the craft version of eLance (where you get requests like: “I want 9a 90-page eBook on mortgage refinancing. I’m willing to pay 50 dollars – this should be easy and fast for someone who knows what they are doing. I keep all rights forever”
A) there is no perfectly reasonable explanation for this, sorry. b) it’s not feasible. the best i can come up with is hollowing out some dildos, but even then you’d have to stick them on the steering wheel one by one. c) best way to do it is create some custom cock fabric and make a wheelcover that way. not like i’m going to bid on it. $20? shit no.
I also like how all the fabrics she desires for her gag gift are premium fabrics that cost $15/yd and up. Leather, satin, wool. And every dick has to be different, you can’t be using the same pattern for all of ‘em!
I sort of feel like making a penis steering wheel cover and listing it on Etsy at a reasonable price, just to show the lady what it’s worth.
Why do people want to give a men dick presents?? We had a customer years ago who made candy. Her son made the gift baskets and he was showing off his basket for guys which had chocolate penises in them. My husband could hardly contain himself. When we left he looked at me and said what guy would put a chocolate dick in his mouth? I replied well it would make a nice basket for a homosexual man. Shouldn’t this be a boobie or vagina cover? I am so confused. Maybe the guy is a dickhead?
This reminds me of all the trucks you now see with bull nuts hanging from the hitch. Why the heck would a guy want his truck to have nuts? To make the truck look manly?
…”I’m sorry ma’am, but your boyfriend didn’t survive the crash. It seems that some kind of novelty steering wheel cover obstructed the deployment of the airbag.”
Another extremely annoying thing (to me, anyway) about this unbelievably cheap person is her incessant use of exclamation points. If she actually speaks all exclamation-pointy in real life, it’d be a wonder she hasn’t been killed.
He must have gotten himself issued a blow-and-go and she is trying to make it confusing for him to use it.
I don’t know what my first clue was, but she must be stupid- steering wheels are universal unless this 97 foot jeep comes with an equally proportionate wheel. On second thought; perhaps this is all a euphemism for something even more absurd- or, maybe she is so brilliant no one else can understand her.
July 15, 2010 at 1:34 pm
Amazing as it sounds, the most WTF part of this request is that she’ll only pay $20.
July 15, 2010 at 1:35 pm
You want a custom ‘piece(s)’ of 6-8 materials, complete with embellishments, but want to spend less than a licensed ‘Looney Tunes’ wheel cover from the auto supply shop? and how is there already a bid on that?
July 15, 2010 at 1:35 pm
she didn’t give an explanation; i would like to hear one…
also where does twilight come in?
July 15, 2010 at 1:35 pm
I see twilight in the tags – so she must want one sparkly shlong…
July 15, 2010 at 1:36 pm
and how is that ‘twilight’? excuse me, I don’t think I want to know.
July 15, 2010 at 1:38 pm
i hope he gets stopped by police, and i could be a fly on the dashboard…
July 15, 2010 at 1:38 pm
I will not be able to look at the steering wheel of my wrangler with a straight face for awhile.
July 15, 2010 at 1:38 pm
Custom design & fabrication + doesn’t want to pay much = Dick of the Month
July 15, 2010 at 1:39 pm
If you think you know what I’m thinking, then don’t spend any money on a birthday gift because your boyfriend is breaking up with you in about fifteen minutes
July 15, 2010 at 1:39 pm
why doesn’t she just buy him the clay penis? It’s perfect for any occasion, afterall! (and in her price range!)
July 15, 2010 at 1:39 pm
Oh god… why is this tagged Twilight? O.O
Sparkle peen is going to make him veer right off the road into a ditch!
July 15, 2010 at 1:40 pm
For less than five bucks you can print out a bunch of pictures of yourself and glue them to his steering wheel because honey, your $20 offer makes YOU the dick.
July 15, 2010 at 1:41 pm
If there was ever a prize “I’m just gonna throw this out there” conversation starter…Im pretty sure this one would win the really tall penis shaped trophy.
July 15, 2010 at 1:42 pm
That adds up to about $ 3.00 per ‘unit’.
True, I’ve had a few that were worth about $ 2.50-max, but they weren’t handmade.These folks who use Alchemy really are believers that magic will happen with their paltry offerings.
July 15, 2010 at 1:43 pm
It is possible this was written by a male with a boyfriend, right? That is one explanation I could buy.
July 15, 2010 at 1:44 pm
I must be desensitized by now, because my first thought was “wow, that sounds dangerous to drive with.”
July 15, 2010 at 1:53 pm
I never thought “things that are not Twilight” would be a viable Regretsy category, and yet…
July 15, 2010 at 1:53 pm
#6 evacooper: “perfectly reasonable explanation for this” will be said far too often by these folks
July 15, 2010 at 1:54 pm
I’m guessing the steering wheel in a 97 foot jeep is quite large.
July 15, 2010 at 1:54 pm
….a ’97 Wrangler, huh? Wow! That’s one big cock ring.
Er, uh. Ring of cocks… Ya know, to go around the steering wheel?
*watches tumbleweed roll across dirt road in eerie silence*
…oh. Nevermind!
July 15, 2010 at 1:59 pm
What is the perfectly reasonable explanation for a penis covered steering wheel cover? I’d like to know because I can’t really think of one.
July 15, 2010 at 2:01 pm
@ HK – I’m thinking it’s time for a couple of new categories:
Cheap Bastard
Things That Aren’t Twilight
July 15, 2010 at 2:06 pm
Hi there! And the perfectly good explanation is this…i fantasize about my boyfriend’s hands around another man’s penis…and he’s just not open to it (the prude!)
so! the only way i can figure to see this fantasy come to life is with a steering wheel cover for his jeep made of life-like cocks.
i can see it now, everyday, when he drops me off at work, i can look over at his big, strong hands, gripping that wheel, turning left, turning right…
*but i don’t want to pay a lot of money
July 15, 2010 at 2:07 pm
To perfect gift for a girl to give her boyfriend… (specifically a couple in denial over the boyfriend’s obvious homosexuality)
July 15, 2010 at 2:11 pm
What if..(stay with me here)..her boyfriend is a huge fan of Twilight and this is her strange, cheap way of telling him he’s impossibly gay. She only wants to pay $20 for it because as soon as he sees it, it’s either being burned in a trash can or used as a weapon to choke her with. Either way, win!
July 15, 2010 at 2:11 pm
I wonder where the hell in Peoria, IL this person lives where they can get six to eight penises for $20.
And I’m trying to ignore one of my pet peeves… (“alot”, its A LOT, you jackass!).
Damn, I guess I didn’t ignore it.
July 15, 2010 at 2:12 pm
@#17 – Oh snap! I made my comment (#22) before reading yours. Twin brains.
July 15, 2010 at 2:12 pm
The pricing on this is just another example of why alchemy is nothing but a big joke. It’s unusual to find a price that would cover supplies, let alone wages over $.10/hr.
July 15, 2010 at 2:13 pm
I think it is a test in these tough economic times. They are testing how desperate artisans are to lower themselves just to work their craft. Have those who are skilled with their hands any shame? or self respect? – let’s think of the stupidest thing we can and see if anyone will do it – oh they will….! … interesting…
July 15, 2010 at 2:14 pm
@#19, “I’m guessing the steering wheel in a 97 foot jeep is quite large.”
but I’m sure it’s not as large as he’d like to think it is…
July 15, 2010 at 2:27 pm
When you can’t think of the perfect gift, get them a penis. It’s multipurpose!
At least that’s what my ex tried to give me when he forgot to buy me a present.
July 15, 2010 at 2:39 pm
Yes, but, how will it play in Peoria?
July 15, 2010 at 2:46 pm
Kind of gives new meaning to the “steering wheel spinner knob”.
July 15, 2010 at 3:02 pm
#32 msannomalley: And new meaning to the phrase “driving a stick”.
July 15, 2010 at 3:12 pm
Gives new meaning to manual transmission.
July 15, 2010 at 3:13 pm
If you don’t want to spend a lot of money, don’t request a custom, hand-made item.
Some people are fucking ignorant.
July 15, 2010 at 3:24 pm
I figure the “twilight” tag means that she wants it made of vampire & werewolf penii. Where would you find out what those look like?
Or, that her bf has a thing for one of the guys in Twilight.
July 15, 2010 at 4:02 pm
Since the word novelty is in the header I;m going to go out on a limb and say it has to be a gag gift.
July 15, 2010 at 4:03 pm
This is making truck nuts look normal.
July 15, 2010 at 4:14 pm
Excuse me, I’d like a Porsche, and I only want to spend $1,000. And it should run on one tank of gas forever and never need repairs, please. Thanks.
July 15, 2010 at 4:21 pm
He’ll be comin’ ’round the mountain when he comes,
When he comes
He’ll be comin’ ‘rough the mountain when he comes….
He’ll be driving six, er, black-and-white, er….
July 15, 2010 at 4:21 pm
Not “Rough,” ’round’ – Firefox’s spell check sometimes can’t be stopped….
July 15, 2010 at 4:24 pm
So now, every time I see a ’97 Wrangler, I’ll be looking for the dicks on the steering wheel, as well as at the one *behind* the wheel… =))
July 15, 2010 at 4:42 pm
“There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for this”
No, there is not. Isn’t one dick behind the wheel enough?
July 15, 2010 at 5:01 pm
Not sure what Twilight has to do with this but she could just buy this – http://tantusinc.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TD&Product_Code=VAMP Stick on the steering wheel and call it a day.
July 15, 2010 at 5:16 pm
alchemy is the craft version of eLance (where you get requests like: “I want 9a 90-page eBook on mortgage refinancing. I’m willing to pay 50 dollars – this should be easy and fast for someone who knows what they are doing. I keep all rights forever”
July 15, 2010 at 5:31 pm
$20 might almost be enough to cover the “perfectly rational explanation”.
July 15, 2010 at 6:27 pm
#26 Patty- You don’t have to ignore the spelling mistake anymore, you can laugh at it once you learn about the almighty Alot. http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html
July 15, 2010 at 6:30 pm
…speaking of circle jerk…
July 15, 2010 at 6:58 pm
Penis-covered steering wheel cover for a ’97 Jeep Wrangler or not, I resent the fact she thinks she knows what I’m thinking.
July 15, 2010 at 7:00 pm
Well, personally, I was thinking, “This is a bad idea. We’re trying not to eat in the car anymore.”
July 15, 2010 at 7:42 pm
A) there is no perfectly reasonable explanation for this, sorry. b) it’s not feasible. the best i can come up with is hollowing out some dildos, but even then you’d have to stick them on the steering wheel one by one. c) best way to do it is create some custom cock fabric and make a wheelcover that way. not like i’m going to bid on it. $20? shit no.
July 15, 2010 at 7:49 pm
Her boyfriend must like touching lots of different penises…”some circumcised, some not.”
July 15, 2010 at 9:37 pm
Go figure, something involving a bunch of dicks tagged with twilight…
July 15, 2010 at 9:41 pm
I also like how all the fabrics she desires for her gag gift are premium fabrics that cost $15/yd and up. Leather, satin, wool. And every dick has to be different, you can’t be using the same pattern for all of ‘em!
I sort of feel like making a penis steering wheel cover and listing it on Etsy at a reasonable price, just to show the lady what it’s worth.
July 15, 2010 at 10:24 pm
Why do people want to give a men dick presents?? We had a customer years ago who made candy. Her son made the gift baskets and he was showing off his basket for guys which had chocolate penises in them. My husband could hardly contain himself. When we left he looked at me and said what guy would put a chocolate dick in his mouth? I replied well it would make a nice basket for a homosexual man. Shouldn’t this be a boobie or vagina cover? I am so confused. Maybe the guy is a dickhead?
July 15, 2010 at 10:33 pm
This reminds me of all the trucks you now see with bull nuts hanging from the hitch. Why the heck would a guy want his truck to have nuts? To make the truck look manly?
July 15, 2010 at 10:35 pm
dcoyote, I just read your posting. Do you live in a redneck town too?
July 16, 2010 at 5:54 am
Wow…that request is Soooooo Steampunk!
July 16, 2010 at 6:54 am
I never thought I’d say this, but I am so sick of penises.
July 16, 2010 at 7:05 am
I would hate to be this cheap bitch’s boyfriend.
July 16, 2010 at 9:31 am
“I wonder where the hell in Peoria, IL this person lives where they can get six to eight penises for $20.”
Probably behind the 7-11, if they’re a really big slut.
July 16, 2010 at 9:37 am
I’m going to bid on her next request for an embroidered border – ” men I knew before you”.
July 16, 2010 at 10:30 am
…”I’m sorry ma’am, but your boyfriend didn’t survive the crash. It seems that some kind of novelty steering wheel cover obstructed the deployment of the airbag.”
July 16, 2010 at 12:00 pm
Another extremely annoying thing (to me, anyway) about this unbelievably cheap person is her incessant use of exclamation points. If she actually speaks all exclamation-pointy in real life, it’d be a wonder she hasn’t been killed.
July 17, 2010 at 3:53 pm
The penises I can do for twenty bucks, but the testicles, that’s gonna cost ya.
July 20, 2010 at 11:30 am
He must have gotten himself issued a blow-and-go and she is trying to make it confusing for him to use it.
I don’t know what my first clue was, but she must be stupid- steering wheels are universal unless this 97 foot jeep comes with an equally proportionate wheel. On second thought; perhaps this is all a euphemism for something even more absurd- or, maybe she is so brilliant no one else can understand her.