Do you think asking her to describe her bowel movements or describe how she takes a shower is PG-rated? Because I know some people who would enjoy a letter with that information.
For two dollars I can sell you authentic copies of letters written by my grandma. Guaranteed to be full of magical words of wisdom like reminding me that I’m not getting any younger, that wrist tattoos are for fast women, and how her dog is throwing up/eating the plants/biting family members.
Want to pretend to have friends and have a life? For $0.50 I’ll email you a terribly boring letter. Want to get one every day? Sign up for the $50, 2 emails a day plan!
Dear ziggybaby,
I would like my letter to specifically address how to stop the BP oil spill. Maybe you could doodle it
on your paper? Please don’t suggest a wedding ring on it so it stops putting out (after all, this is PG rated).
Thanks,
Wilma
For $2, I want you to write a letter for me using fanciful words from a bygone era. If you wrote it on parchment with a quill pen, you could charge more.
This shit is not handmade. Vintage bullshit, maybe.
Even if I was that desperate for a letter from a stranger,it is surely NOT going to be from someone who is neurotic about touching lettuce. I already went that route some years ago when I dated an engineer who wouldn’t get near a vegetable of any kind. His sister, the head EPA scientist for the state of Californis won’t be in a room with a piece of fruit.They’re both nuts-like this chick.
i have some requests:
1 – i’d like to have a letter of recommendation for a job that i’m applying for…i can convo you w/the details but it MUST clearly state how fabulous i am.
2 – i’d like one nominating me for a pulitzer and while it’s true i’ve never published anything…that’s ok, because i’m just gonna frame it
3 – a general letter from santa that i can copy and give to my kid for the next, say, 6 years. just say that he’s been a good boy, yada, yada, yada.
so? 6 bucks?…
$2 for more junk mail that will sit around in a pile for a while before ending up in the trash?! No thank you. I’ll just be happy with all the other garbage I get in the mail for free. Sure, the free magazines can’t tell me how their day was, but at least I don’t have to pay 2 freaking dollars for them.
This is either a sophisticated, sideways sort of commentary on narcissism, or an actual narcissistic navel-gazer who found a convenient way to satisfy their self-absorption and separate lonely, gullible shut-ins from their money at the same time. I haven’t looked at the shop or profile, I’m too busy watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Okay ,I quit the human race. This crap sold. Please please , tell me it was a curious Regretsyan(I bet it was Helen) ….in any case, for those nearly crushed about not getting in on the action, there is another in stock.
To be fair, I know a woman who can write a letter a person might pay for. Of course it would be several pages long, on nice paper, written nicely and in an amusing manner, with drawings all over it.
Oh Bronc, you rock. You have brought me back to my childhood where my parents refused to go out an play with me and my sister because they were busy being dungeon masters. In all fairness, they met via mudding.
That’s it! I am now going to find an old watch, smash it, take out the gears and scan them on top of some lace to invent a stationery header. I am then going to offer a steampunk personal letter service, detailing how I spent my day peering at the birds in my backyard from my futuristic perch through my watch gear bespeckled opera glasses…
I just have to settle on a price.
I know why she doesn’t like the feel of lettuce – one of her favorite materials is “anything saved from a landfill”. She should try buying her lettuce at a grocery store or farmers market instead of picking it out of a landfill – she might like it better.
@#50 _ I was wondering if she expects a response too. But if the respondee wants a response to their letter do they have to pay another $2? How exactly does it work?
Today I made some money off of a fool who bought a handwritten letter for me. Business is going well. I’m thinking of buying a title in Nigeria to upgrade my business,
god damn, that letter was just about how it doesn’t feel like summer and summer is slipping away. It looks like the writing gets larger and larger as the letter goes to fill up space. And she wants to be a middle school teacher… are we sure she’s not in middle school? Think… the handwriting… writing in a journal every day… I tell you – this is a kid. Buy a letter and it’ll probably be about the cute boy she likes who’s just started getting facial hair.
I can see charging $2 for a page of writing though. If it were poetry, a short story, social commentary, explaining natural phenomena… if I wanted a whiny rant about how it’s not summer weather yet I’d call my mom.
My sister writes crazy awesome letters on parchment with a quill pen and seals them with sealing wax. For free. And her letters are hilarious and written in flowery bygone language. Again… for FREE!
Letter writing may be a quickly dying art, but this isn’t the way to revive it!
Hey, I like this! I’ve got all kinds of things I can stuff in an envelope and mail along with an enthralling story of my day (I write fiction). Two bucks a day is more than I’m getting paid now. Excellent idea!
I probably read too many spy novels, but couldn’t this be some kind of clever espionage trick? Is it sad that I hope this is a clever espionage trick instead of being some jerk selling blog updates to lonely shut-ins?
No way this costs 2 dollars. Come on. Letters don’t even take LABOUR TIME. I have a penpal in Sweden, and SURE, the postage costs a lot, but that’s because she lives in SWEDEN.
July 14, 2010 at 1:37 pm
Yeah, because I have two bucks to waste on the illusion that someone likes me enough to write me a letter!
Hey. Wait a minute.
July 14, 2010 at 1:37 pm
Damn it, how is it really supposed to be “magic” (as this listing is tagged) if the personalization of the letter is “rated PG only?”
And can I request Hello Kitty® stationery? I mean I am spending $2.00 on this…
July 14, 2010 at 1:39 pm
I’m betting that this letter will include a clipping of Family Circus. One with Billy on one of his crazy adventures…
July 14, 2010 at 1:39 pm
Why would I want a letter from you?
July 14, 2010 at 1:40 pm
I wonder how lonely and desperate someone would have to be that they’d pay $2 for someone to write them a letter?
July 14, 2010 at 1:41 pm
Wow, THIS is loneliness at its finest…
July 14, 2010 at 1:41 pm
Do you think asking her to describe her bowel movements or describe how she takes a shower is PG-rated? Because I know some people who would enjoy a letter with that information.
July 14, 2010 at 1:43 pm
If I include an additional $32.35, will you send it Federal Express Overnight Priority. Please? Please? Oh, God bless you!
July 14, 2010 at 1:44 pm
Can I pay her to write letters to other people? Like my mother-in-law or a small child in Africa?
But really. Seriously? I’m mind-fucked.
July 14, 2010 at 1:44 pm
BTW, I want to see penmanship samples. I mean for $2.00 I am getting i’s dotted with hearts, right?
July 14, 2010 at 1:44 pm
For two dollars I can sell you authentic copies of letters written by my grandma. Guaranteed to be full of magical words of wisdom like reminding me that I’m not getting any younger, that wrist tattoos are for fast women, and how her dog is throwing up/eating the plants/biting family members.
July 14, 2010 at 1:45 pm
For $2 it better be on that graph paper. And it had better include postage. I think I would also like proof that it was written with the kitteh pen.
July 14, 2010 at 1:46 pm
Oh crap, there’s only one left in stock, too!
July 14, 2010 at 1:47 pm
She’s sold two.
July 14, 2010 at 1:49 pm
Want to pretend to have friends and have a life? For $0.50 I’ll email you a terribly boring letter. Want to get one every day? Sign up for the $50, 2 emails a day plan!
July 14, 2010 at 1:52 pm
Dear ziggybaby,
I would like my letter to specifically address how to stop the BP oil spill. Maybe you could doodle it
on your paper? Please don’t suggest a wedding ring on it so it stops putting out (after all, this is PG rated).
Thanks,
Wilma
July 14, 2010 at 1:56 pm
Using graph paper to write a letter is kinda Steampunk.
July 14, 2010 at 2:06 pm
For $2, I want you to write a letter for me using fanciful words from a bygone era. If you wrote it on parchment with a quill pen, you could charge more.
July 14, 2010 at 2:09 pm
why do I get the feeling that my clipping from the newspaper would be a half finished crossword puzzle, or expired coupons?
July 14, 2010 at 2:11 pm
This shit is not handmade. Vintage bullshit, maybe.
Even if I was that desperate for a letter from a stranger,it is surely NOT going to be from someone who is neurotic about touching lettuce. I already went that route some years ago when I dated an engineer who wouldn’t get near a vegetable of any kind. His sister, the head EPA scientist for the state of Californis won’t be in a room with a piece of fruit.They’re both nuts-like this chick.
July 14, 2010 at 2:12 pm
@pplrdum – if you want coupons that aren’t expired, it’s gonna cost you more than $2. She’s running a business, not a charity. Sheesh!
July 14, 2010 at 2:13 pm
i have some requests:
1 – i’d like to have a letter of recommendation for a job that i’m applying for…i can convo you w/the details but it MUST clearly state how fabulous i am.
2 – i’d like one nominating me for a pulitzer and while it’s true i’ve never published anything…that’s ok, because i’m just gonna frame it
3 – a general letter from santa that i can copy and give to my kid for the next, say, 6 years. just say that he’s been a good boy, yada, yada, yada.
so? 6 bucks?…
July 14, 2010 at 2:19 pm
I suppose it’s one step above writing to Santa.
July 14, 2010 at 2:19 pm
$2 for more junk mail that will sit around in a pile for a while before ending up in the trash?! No thank you. I’ll just be happy with all the other garbage I get in the mail for free. Sure, the free magazines can’t tell me how their day was, but at least I don’t have to pay 2 freaking dollars for them.
July 14, 2010 at 2:26 pm
I get this stuff free from my Mom all the time. Are you saying you are better than my Mom?
July 14, 2010 at 2:29 pm
I doubt I want to know the random thoughts of someone who can’t touch lettuce.
July 14, 2010 at 2:30 pm
This is either a sophisticated, sideways sort of commentary on narcissism, or an actual narcissistic navel-gazer who found a convenient way to satisfy their self-absorption and separate lonely, gullible shut-ins from their money at the same time. I haven’t looked at the shop or profile, I’m too busy watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey.
July 14, 2010 at 2:31 pm
it sounds like the Amish version of Twitter.
July 14, 2010 at 2:32 pm
Okay ,I quit the human race. This crap sold. Please please , tell me it was a curious Regretsyan(I bet it was Helen) ….in any case, for those nearly crushed about not getting in on the action, there is another in stock.
July 14, 2010 at 2:40 pm
To be fair, I know a woman who can write a letter a person might pay for. Of course it would be several pages long, on nice paper, written nicely and in an amusing manner, with drawings all over it.
Not a quick note jotted on graph paper, so much.
July 14, 2010 at 2:42 pm
Andy Rooney, is that you?
July 14, 2010 at 2:44 pm
This is the saddest thing I’ve ever seen.
July 14, 2010 at 2:44 pm
I see you have some graph paper…excellent. Because I don’t want a letter. What I would like is for you to design a Dungeon Map for me!
DUNGEON MAP
July 14, 2010 at 2:48 pm
Another one sold… now people are just encouraging her.
July 14, 2010 at 2:50 pm
Each time I look at this it just gets sadder.
@#33 BroncDrywall- Bravo!
July 14, 2010 at 2:51 pm
The perfect foil for an untraceable ransom letter!
July 14, 2010 at 2:52 pm
Oh Bronc, you rock. You have brought me back to my childhood where my parents refused to go out an play with me and my sister because they were busy being dungeon masters. In all fairness, they met via mudding.
July 14, 2010 at 2:55 pm
Graph paper? That better be a steampunk letter for all of $2.
So…how much for a hand-written suicide note?
the Amish version of Twitter.
July 14, 2010 at 3:11 pm
#38 also handy for Orthodox jews who obstain from pen/pencil technology
July 14, 2010 at 3:14 pm
That’s it! I am now going to find an old watch, smash it, take out the gears and scan them on top of some lace to invent a stationery header. I am then going to offer a steampunk personal letter service, detailing how I spent my day peering at the birds in my backyard from my futuristic perch through my watch gear bespeckled opera glasses…
I just have to settle on a price.
July 14, 2010 at 3:14 pm
Only if they write it with the pen Bill Cosby used in Picture Pages.
July 14, 2010 at 3:15 pm
Did you see the picture of a letter someone actually paid for in her feedback section?
http://ny-image3.etsy.com/ifb_fullxfull.6063915.jpg
What’s the point of writing on graph paper if you don’t even write on the lines??
Oh my God, it’s so much worse than I imagined. – HK
July 14, 2010 at 3:30 pm
OMG you get beet seeds and a bandaid with your letter?
Sign me up! /sarcasm
July 14, 2010 at 4:12 pm
She dots her i’s with circles and wants to be a middle school teacher. It’s either perfect or oxymoronic.
July 14, 2010 at 4:12 pm
Okay, I now have eye strain from trying to read that letter, Nymphaea
Also, it was boring as fuck.
July 14, 2010 at 4:34 pm
There is some hope – she spelled accommodate correctly.
July 14, 2010 at 4:36 pm
I so want to have her write a letter to my ex-husband. He will totally freak out wondering how drunk he was when he gave this chick his address.
July 14, 2010 at 4:52 pm
#3 Wilma Fingerdoo -
You have a choice of Billy’s adventures through the neighborhood, or one where he is talking to angel Grandpa.
July 14, 2010 at 5:27 pm
I just don’t get it. Why would anyone buy a letter about things a person did that day?
July 14, 2010 at 5:29 pm
Is this person in Prison by any chance? Do they expect a letter in return?
So many unanswered QUESTIONs…..
July 14, 2010 at 5:29 pm
She wants to be a middle school math teacher? Yes, I actually read it. Looks more like “I’m in middle school right now” instead.
July 14, 2010 at 5:34 pm
I know why she doesn’t like the feel of lettuce – one of her favorite materials is “anything saved from a landfill”. She should try buying her lettuce at a grocery store or farmers market instead of picking it out of a landfill – she might like it better.
July 14, 2010 at 5:34 pm
@#50 _ I was wondering if she expects a response too. But if the respondee wants a response to their letter do they have to pay another $2? How exactly does it work?
July 14, 2010 at 5:38 pm
she’s bringing pen pals back…this is the next big trend, i tell ya!
July 14, 2010 at 7:56 pm
I’m afraid of lettuce, too. And grapes. Ever since the Halloween incident.
July 14, 2010 at 10:33 pm
“Dear buyer,
Today I made some money off of a fool who bought a handwritten letter for me. Business is going well. I’m thinking of buying a title in Nigeria to upgrade my business,
Yours truly.
P.S. This is your $2 recepit.”
July 14, 2010 at 10:44 pm
god damn, that letter was just about how it doesn’t feel like summer and summer is slipping away. It looks like the writing gets larger and larger as the letter goes to fill up space. And she wants to be a middle school teacher… are we sure she’s not in middle school? Think… the handwriting… writing in a journal every day… I tell you – this is a kid. Buy a letter and it’ll probably be about the cute boy she likes who’s just started getting facial hair.
July 14, 2010 at 10:46 pm
I can see charging $2 for a page of writing though. If it were poetry, a short story, social commentary, explaining natural phenomena… if I wanted a whiny rant about how it’s not summer weather yet I’d call my mom.
July 15, 2010 at 4:24 am
My sister writes crazy awesome letters on parchment with a quill pen and seals them with sealing wax. For free. And her letters are hilarious and written in flowery bygone language. Again… for FREE!
Letter writing may be a quickly dying art, but this isn’t the way to revive it!
July 15, 2010 at 9:13 am
And they say letter-writing is a dead art …
July 15, 2010 at 10:30 am
Honestly, I think this is brilliant.
July 15, 2010 at 11:46 am
beet seeds, a band-aid, and a VistaPrint business card… fantastic
July 15, 2010 at 12:12 pm
Hey, I like this! I’ve got all kinds of things I can stuff in an envelope and mail along with an enthralling story of my day (I write fiction). Two bucks a day is more than I’m getting paid now. Excellent idea!
July 15, 2010 at 4:43 pm
“Dear Diary, today my crazy sister and I got kidnapped. It was the best day ever.”
Seriously, can’t she take the $2 and go buy some lined paper, that won’t give me a migraine?
July 16, 2010 at 1:10 pm
I probably read too many spy novels, but couldn’t this be some kind of clever espionage trick? Is it sad that I hope this is a clever espionage trick instead of being some jerk selling blog updates to lonely shut-ins?
July 16, 2010 at 1:32 pm
Hey! And, if you act now, I will also send you a piece of hair from any party of my body… except the non- PG rated area.
July 17, 2010 at 3:05 am
Hey, for fifty cents, I’ll send someone the grocery list I wrote last week – it’s cheaper and I promise it ain’t written on graph paper XD
July 17, 2010 at 5:07 pm
Dear you,
Today I wrote you a letter for $2.
Love, me.
August 2, 2010 at 12:28 am
No way this costs 2 dollars. Come on. Letters don’t even take LABOUR TIME. I have a penpal in Sweden, and SURE, the postage costs a lot, but that’s because she lives in SWEDEN.
September 2, 2010 at 11:35 pm
Take a letter, Maria … address it to my wife. Say I won’t be coming home. Gonna start a new life.
You get a lot for $2.00.
(Props if you get the reference.)
September 16, 2010 at 1:03 pm
I actually bought this lovely item. Except I requested a few changes. Well worth my money!