Dads and Nads – NSFW
Dad, remember how you used to take me fishing? How you taught me how to drive, and to throw a spiral? And remember how when it would rain, you’d put all my newspapers in the station wagon and take me on my paper route? Well, here’s a clay penis. I figured it was either this or a tie.
July 14, 2010 at 4:32 pm
Why are the testicles covered with frosting?
July 14, 2010 at 4:39 pm
Why is the penis sitting on a brain covered in frosting?
July 14, 2010 at 4:43 pm
How would this look HUNG on my wall? A penis is HARD to find. . . wait, that’s happiness. Happiness is hard to find. Sorry.
July 14, 2010 at 4:44 pm
I smell Regretsy bait! BTW why are these “collectible”? Is this artist (& I use the term loosely) a reformed “plaster caster”?
July 14, 2010 at 4:45 pm
Lorena Bobbitt, is that you?
July 14, 2010 at 4:45 pm
I’m grateful that it’s at least flaccid.
July 14, 2010 at 4:46 pm
This is another one of those items that make me ask ‘why?’ It’s not even chindogu, it’s just bad.
July 14, 2010 at 4:47 pm
If it were… uh… *not* flaccid, then I could at least hang my jacket on it.
July 14, 2010 at 4:47 pm
“Lovingly handcraft”, huh? Someone really likes penises.
July 14, 2010 at 4:48 pm
Also, I am digging the plaid carpet. Thanks for sharing your floor with us.
July 14, 2010 at 4:49 pm
Umm-hate to be the stickler for anatomy-but that penis is wrong side up. The frenulum -that little divot in the head of the penis -goes on the underside. God-I’ve been married too long….
July 14, 2010 at 4:49 pm
“Memory Penis”? I don’t want to remember the traumatizing experience of seeing my Dad’s dick.
July 14, 2010 at 4:49 pm
That’s “lovingly handcrafted?” Um… Kinda half-assed, if you ask me… Photographing it on the carpet is an, er, interesting touch….
July 14, 2010 at 4:52 pm
And the cat’s in the cradle and the pottery cock,
Little boy blue’d have quite a shock.
“When you coming home, dad?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll ‘get together’ then.
You know we’ll have a ‘good time’ then.”
July 14, 2010 at 4:52 pm
“I lovingly handcraft…”
I’m not seeing the love. In fact I’m seeing a lot of passive hostility in the positioning of the frenulum, which is typically found on the underside of the glans, on the top.
Seller either needs to talk to someone about possible issues, or take a good hard look at a penis.
July 14, 2010 at 4:53 pm
If I buy a collectible penis, I at least want it to be…useful.
July 14, 2010 at 4:53 pm
This is what happens when you have a shy exhibitionist.
Is it collectible because there will be a series? Hmmm…hold me, I’m afraid.
July 14, 2010 at 5:03 pm
A perfect gift…
to put your family over the edge,
get power of attorney over your sorry ass
and lock you up for the remainder of your days.
July 14, 2010 at 5:04 pm
What’s with the redworms crawling all over it? Did the dog dig it up from the backyard and bring it inside?
July 14, 2010 at 5:11 pm
It looks more like a geoduck than a penis.
July 14, 2010 at 5:14 pm
This was a disappointment on so many levels. When I first saw the words “memory penis” I imagined something that might be kind of interesting–like memory foam. I was actually looking forward to see what they said a memory penis could do. This thing? It’s junk.
July 14, 2010 at 5:15 pm
‘I figured it was either this or a tie’.
A tie please-time for a hanging.
‘Cuz a gift that lasts, that looks like this is the equivalent oF a 4 hour Viagra fueled boner , road tested on a carpet at 100 miles an hour with bloody knees. Thanks for the memories.
July 14, 2010 at 5:16 pm
@ knitten kitten- bwahahahaha- a geoduck,( awwww they’re co cute) it really does !!!
July 14, 2010 at 5:19 pm
Why would anyone give a man a penis for a present? This is a tad odd. I would think Dad would appreciate a boob cup better ;o).
July 14, 2010 at 5:20 pm
The Disabled Guy says: “That ain’t right!”
In looking at it from the other view, I’m thinking that the seller needs to look at more penises. Because that ain’t right.
July 14, 2010 at 5:22 pm
definitely bait. nothing else in the shop…this thing just listed, and they opened a shop after regretsy went online.
that being said, 30 bucks (including shipping) for a clay penis? it doesn’t even say how big it is.
i would much rather buy one of cappy sue’s cute little burl ives penis men…LOL
July 14, 2010 at 5:26 pm
Oh for goodness sakes just get dad a manwhore for Father’s Day instead of wasting his time with this crap!
July 14, 2010 at 5:30 pm
“give them a collectible penis in honor of all of your cherished memories!”
Here Dad, this penis is in honor of the first time you met your grandson; I LOVE you dad! (I was going to have it engraved, but that just seemed tacky.)
July 14, 2010 at 5:30 pm
#22 hamoza – Thank you. Hope you’re feeling better!
July 14, 2010 at 5:32 pm
Looks more like an elephant my kid made in first grade art.
July 14, 2010 at 5:34 pm
Dad, remember when you taught me how to pee standing up? or when you taught me how to bathe myself in the shower? I was paying very close attention… but not to what you were teaching me.
July 14, 2010 at 5:40 pm
#21 – I was expecting memory foam too.
July 14, 2010 at 5:45 pm
So, in accordance with #21, I was one, disappointed there was no memory foam involved, and two, disappointed it wasn’t a “Make your own Mold” kit.
I’m still pretty sure I wouldn’t consider a “make your own memory foam dick mold” a great Father’s Day present but it would’ve been a lot more exciting than this clay poot.
July 14, 2010 at 5:46 pm
I do hope they make a clay vagina for mother’s day…
July 14, 2010 at 5:50 pm
Umm, I think it’s pointed in the wrong direction. Whenever I’ve seen them, they are pointed upward, in the opposite direction. But, hey, what do I know. I’m only a girl.
July 14, 2010 at 5:57 pm
ZOMG! I have that area rug in my Family Room (in my defense, it isn’t all plaid-like, it has swirly designs and other stuff, too)! I am WAY too scared to go out there now to see if this thing is sitting on it!
July 14, 2010 at 6:21 pm
And here I was thinking that when you contracted worms they lived in your intestines and would occasionally venture out your ass. WRONG! Apparently they live all over your balls!
July 14, 2010 at 6:28 pm
Hey! This actually did bring back a memory! When I was in the Navy, I worked in a lab that made replacement body parts that were lost to cancer/accident. One time we had to make a shield that covered a man’s penis & scrotum to protect it from radiation. We had to make an impression of him to fit it exactly. Being, well, Navy lab techs, of course we used the mold for our own purposes too. My favorite was to attach one to a plaque and present it as the ‘Dick of the Month’ award!
July 14, 2010 at 6:29 pm
Damn! Now we’ll probably see “Dick of the Month” awards all over Etsy now!
July 14, 2010 at 7:11 pm
It doesn’t make sense as bait. Why would you draw the snarking masses to your store if you had nothing they wanted for sale?
July 14, 2010 at 7:12 pm
You know they have the kits at sex shops where you can, if you have access to an erect penis of course, make your own dildo. If I’m going to have a “memory penis”, it’s going to have a damn fucktion.
July 14, 2010 at 7:24 pm
Poor little peen, it will spend its entire life flaccid as it has no veins.
July 14, 2010 at 7:34 pm
Yeah because when I go shopping for gifts I instantly think, “A flaccid clay penis would be perfect for my dad this Father’s Day!”
July 14, 2010 at 7:35 pm
Here, Dad. This is just my special way of saying you’re a flaccid, backwards dick.
July 14, 2010 at 7:51 pm
i feel like this should’ve at least been designed by someone who’s actually SEEN a real penis.
July 14, 2010 at 8:02 pm
This seller got it all wrong. You don’t give your dad a clay penis, you give him a vagoo. What the heck is he going to do with a clay penis? At least he can use the vag… In retrospect, do NOT give your dad anything that even remotely looks like genetalia.
July 14, 2010 at 8:12 pm
I say stick it in the freezer and then use it to keep your vagoo pillow nice and cold until you’re ready to stash more beer in it.
July 14, 2010 at 8:12 pm
This will make agreat gift. My father’s name is “Dick”. I he gets the reference and doesn’t slug me with it.
July 14, 2010 at 8:20 pm
geektastic- my guess is maybe just for shits and giggles? remember that gal that painted that heidi montag in hell painting- something or other? she did it as an experiment.
i am sure there are plenty of people who would get a kick out of being mentioned on a blog for putting something silly/funny out there in the world…
and maybe they wanted to make some quick money- thinking somebody would buy it b/c it was featured here.
Mickey- can I work with you? sounds like a fun workplace!
July 14, 2010 at 8:42 pm
#8 patty! Yay!!! You changed your name!!
The only memory this brings back is when I fashioned a small clay satyr that was very well hung. He was also flaccid, but that’s because he was passed out after fucking the 12 clay females I had also fashioned to lay around him. He also had a big smile on his face.
Of course they were all destroyed during one of my ex’s rampages.
July 14, 2010 at 8:54 pm
Am I the only person who was hoping this would be the one thing that would be legitimately Steampunk?
I am disappoint.
July 14, 2010 at 10:14 pm
A “memory penis” would make a great gift if you are within a 20 mile radius of where the movie Deliverance was filmed. Maybe even for Father’s Day.
July 14, 2010 at 10:27 pm
You’ve got to HAND it to the person who would give this as a gift theyl’d be cocky and have balls. Maybe you give it to the girl who just broke up with you. You get the SHAFT and give the SHAFT right back
July 14, 2010 at 10:30 pm
Memory penis
lights the corners of my vagoo
misty,flesh colored Memory penis
is it Regretsy bait?
July 14, 2010 at 10:31 pm
#25 Razberries: Cappy Sue and her penises rock! I ordered one to put on my cousin’s veil for her bachelorette night. I highly recommend getting your own – much better than the limp dick above.
July 14, 2010 at 10:46 pm
So, the model was clearly lying down or standing on their head. And how MUCH memory does this penis have, 64Gb?
July 14, 2010 at 10:53 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 14, 2010 at 10:55 pm
Aw shit no idea what I did there, but I’ve somehow gotten onto somebody else’s profile! Ignore that! >_<
July 14, 2010 at 11:12 pm
I know you’re getting up there in years, Pop, and I know you have put on a few pounds. So, this Fathers Day, I thought I might get you this penis, to remind you of what one looks like! “I’m not blind! Jesus, this would be funny if it looked like a dick! The dogs looks more like a human penis than this! If I wanted to see Cock all the time, i’d watch the dog lick himself and not have this God awful blob hanging around the house!”
July 15, 2010 at 1:17 am
“I figured it was either this or a tie.” Bwahahaha
July 15, 2010 at 1:34 am
one item for sale? I call Regretsy bait!
July 15, 2010 at 1:49 am
The peculiarity of anatomical detail – the wrong-way frenum, not the missing veins – is easily explained: the artist has photographed it upside down.
So, if you screw this to a wall, so to speak, you have an ideal coat rack. Or, if you’re an environment champion, a great means for drying quart baggies that you’ve washed for re-use. The latter application is also good for explaining safe sex to the kids.
July 15, 2010 at 5:39 am
TheOldGuy, not so much. If you turn it so it points cheerfully upwards, then the scrotum is inverted.
I can’t believe I’m commenting on this. I can’t believe somebody made this.
July 15, 2010 at 6:31 am
#49 raz— Alas but that was my old Navy days, circa 1982-83. I’m an old, “respectable”, homeschooling mother and new grandma now, whose children have no idea of half the crap I pulled whilst enlisted!
July 15, 2010 at 6:40 am
#62 TheOldGuy, it can’t be upside down. If it were, the model has his nuts above his knob.
July 15, 2010 at 6:42 am
Perhaps, this is phys-rep of that great time Dad’s dick got wrenched 180 degrees and stayed that way for a week? Ah, memories…
July 15, 2010 at 7:26 am
I’ll bet Plaster Caster never thought of marketing her work for freakin’ Father’s Day! Perhaps Mother’s Day would be better.
July 15, 2010 at 8:11 am
They say a penis never forgets:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/0903/billsbayou/AfricanElephant111.jpg
July 15, 2010 at 9:22 am
Feh, not impressed. My uncle Morty does much better balloon tricks.
July 15, 2010 at 10:10 am
Gawd who thinks of this stuff? What a dick.
July 15, 2010 at 10:14 am
#68 BillsBayou – That picture is fantastic!
July 15, 2010 at 10:46 am
Maybe it’s not a top-side frenulum… Maybe its piercing was ripped out.
July 15, 2010 at 4:39 pm
#36 Helena – the Penis is calling from INSIDE YOUR HOUSE.
“ZOMG! I have that area rug in my Family Room (in my defense, it isn’t all plaid-like, it has swirly designs and other stuff, too)! I am WAY too scared to go out there now to see if this thing is sitting on it!”
July 16, 2010 at 9:36 am
Looks like a flesh coloured poo.
July 16, 2010 at 12:00 pm
Nothing about this penis is memorable. Or all that anatomically correct, either.
July 16, 2010 at 1:25 pm
Wow, I had a client once who liked to make penises. His was better though, because he used real chicken fat for the foreskin…nothin’but the best!
By the way, did I mention he was psychotic?