Celestial Soul Portraits by Erial Ali
BEFORE:
AFTER:
BEFORE:
AFTER:
From the web site:
HOW IT WORKS
1. You contact Erial Ali, letting him know you wish such a portrait.
2. Erial has a phone consultation with you to find out your interests, passions, fascinations, how you “see” yourself.
3. You send Erial a high-quality photo of yourself that you feel is highly representative of “the real you”.
4. Erial meditates and “tunes into you”, to “get your unique Essence”.
5. Once Erial really “gets who you are”, he magically transforms the image you provided into a Celestial Soul Portrait.
6. Erial mails you a high quality digital image – enough detail to print out a VERY LARGE PRINT that looks magnificent.
Click here for the full experience, including music samples “for connecting to Heavenly Realms”
July 12, 2010 at 1:34 pm
That last one looks like he just pasted a Lisa Frank photo on top of that poor girl.
July 12, 2010 at 1:35 pm
just out of curiousity, what is it that I have to smoke (and how much of it) to actually want this?
July 12, 2010 at 1:36 pm
Now I know what to get my boss for his next birthday.
July 12, 2010 at 1:40 pm
tripping the light fucktastic
July 12, 2010 at 1:42 pm
Oh, I know how it works.
HOW IT WORKS
1. You contact Erial Ali, letting him know you wish such a portrait.
2. Erial has a phone consultation with you to find out your interests, passions, fascinations, how you “see” yourself.
3. Erial drops a shitload of acid.
4. Erial stands fifteen feet from a blank canvas and stuffs his mouth with ten to twelve diffent colors of paint.
5. You can figure out the rest of the process.
July 12, 2010 at 1:43 pm
Fiddler on the goof.
July 12, 2010 at 1:43 pm
someday, i hope the galactic starship hovers over MY home and I have visions of a Gaian Overlord…..but until then, i’ll just have to busy myself creating/thinking/imagining/dreaming of ways to rip off 70′s album art….
may the Dream Masters be with you.
July 12, 2010 at 1:45 pm
Joseph And The Extra-Terrestrial Dreamcoat
July 12, 2010 at 1:48 pm
Once I ‘get who you are’ , I have some pristine beachfront acreage in Iowa I’d like to sell you , where unicorns romp in the sand.
July 12, 2010 at 1:48 pm
4. Erial meditates and “tunes into you”, to “get your unique Essence”.
If someone’s going to “tune into” me and get my “unique essence” I at least want some sex out of it.
July 12, 2010 at 1:52 pm
….just when you think a middle aged man with Gene Simmons hair circa 1975, playing a stringed instrument in a fuschia velvet habit can’t possibly be any less sexually appealling; this comes along.
July 12, 2010 at 1:53 pm
So, if this failed fiddler is so goddamned celestial, why do I have to contact him & pay for it? Aren’t the heavens above that kind of blatant capitalism?
July 12, 2010 at 1:54 pm
#11 -bwahahahahaahahaha.
July 12, 2010 at 1:55 pm
2 words come to mind: TRIPPING BALLS.
July 12, 2010 at 1:56 pm
Thank goodness, I FINALLY figure out who designed that Heaven’s Gate website back in the 90′s
July 12, 2010 at 2:01 pm
Those photo shopped portraits are hysterical. They would make an awesome gag gift, but I doubt the seller would be receptive to his “art” being used that way.
July 12, 2010 at 2:02 pm
Oh, Helen, I really thought you did the second one. Until I went to the website. The horror, the horror.
July 12, 2010 at 2:03 pm
Damn hippies.
July 12, 2010 at 2:06 pm
So is this rockabilly steampunk?
July 12, 2010 at 2:08 pm
I miss drugs
July 12, 2010 at 2:09 pm
The music reminds me of a CD I bought for $2 fifteen years ago.
Play this:
http://iasos.com/media/mp3/bb2-collage.mp3
While watching this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPEYiVP4qOw#t=3m18s
and try not to think it’s 3:00 am sometime in 1993 and you’re going to be very late for first period english.
July 12, 2010 at 2:10 pm
If this sugar coated confection is indicative of heaven, I’m relieved that I’m probably going to hell. Anything so I don’t have to look at or hear THAT.
July 12, 2010 at 2:12 pm
He could make a killing by tapping into the child pageant industry.
July 12, 2010 at 2:13 pm
Why was the picture of the guy with a laser coming out of his head not included in this post? That was the best one!
I’m printing that shit out and giving it to my brother the next time he’s on mushrooms.
July 12, 2010 at 2:13 pm
I suspect this Erial fellow painted murals on vans as a part-time job after high school in the 70′s.
That’s the only logical explanation for the genre, and the long term effects of huffing paint would explain the delusion that this is somehow still appealing in the 21st century.
July 12, 2010 at 2:13 pm
Where are the cogs and wheels?
@#22 hamoza-See ya there!
July 12, 2010 at 2:14 pm
Oh, and the blue eyeshadow on the lady in the last picture of Erial’s examples is stellar.
July 12, 2010 at 2:15 pm
#16 – no gag gift ought to cost in the region of $150! My eyeballs damn near fell out of my head when I saw the prices on that page! I want some of whatever he’s smoking XD
July 12, 2010 at 2:16 pm
I should be making better use of my art degree, apparently. I’m missing out on millions scamming gullible new agies or “post-modern hippies”.
July 12, 2010 at 2:19 pm
I would like to get one made for my 18 month old son, he can talk to Erial on the phone and tell him how much he really likes trucks, which he pronounces “fuck” and how he also really likes cats, which he pronounces “cock”
July 12, 2010 at 2:19 pm
If I paid $150 for a portrait of my soul there better be something a lot more badass than dolphins swimming around me.
July 12, 2010 at 2:20 pm
I’d do that shit for free…
July 12, 2010 at 2:20 pm
Of all the insane things he has added to this portrait, I would have to say that what he did to her smile is the most disturbing. Apparently her celestial soul has more tongue. Eeeeeeish.
July 12, 2010 at 2:20 pm
Every friggin’ cliche is crammed into this faux cosmic mess .
The authentic cosmic yak says neigh neigh.
July 12, 2010 at 2:20 pm
Hurts. My Eyes.
That little violin is definitely steampunk though.
July 12, 2010 at 2:24 pm
For $150 I can take a nice trip to the ocean, watch dolphins for reals, smoke some good herb, have a tasty picnic and do some soul searching if I get bored with the dolphins.
July 12, 2010 at 2:25 pm
what happened to the rest of his violin?
such a lovely instrument that he whittled down and apparently smoked.
i mean, there’s yanni and then there’s erial ali….
although, i DO like saying his name aloud. i mean, he’s got vowels to spare.
July 12, 2010 at 2:25 pm
Hey, he should have done the portrait of Steve Jobs as Jesus!
July 12, 2010 at 2:26 pm
Now I know who stole my high school art projects!
July 12, 2010 at 2:27 pm
What’s with the fertility looking statue in that girl’s after? The before one of her looks like a high school cheerleading picture. Please tell me that isn’t what it is.
July 12, 2010 at 2:28 pm
Holy heck! I just went to the website and I think $150.00 is an awfully steep price for this stuff. The fellow with the laser coming out of his 3rd eye is fucktastic.
July 12, 2010 at 2:35 pm
wow man.
July 12, 2010 at 2:45 pm
Man, those are some really difficult Magic Eye pictures!
July 12, 2010 at 2:53 pm
I love how he made a laser beam come out of the forehead of that dude from Lost.
This guy has talent. I don’t know what you all are carrying on about. This dude’s photoshop skills are level Cosmic!
July 12, 2010 at 2:54 pm
I’ll bet they look great under a blacklight.
July 12, 2010 at 3:00 pm
Am I the only one who would actually WANT one of those “celestial soul”-portraits? I’d hang the VERY LARGE PRINT on my wall, have a laugh every time I passed it, and when I had guests over and they inevitably asked me about it, I’d widen my eyes and say “Ohh, thats a magically made celestial soul portrait, I mean, it shows the REAL me…”
Man, I’d have so much fun with it. Shame that it’s so expensive.
July 12, 2010 at 3:04 pm
These do the drugs so you don’t have to!
July 12, 2010 at 3:11 pm
I don’t know how sitting in a dark room doing acid while listening to Enya counts as meditation, but to each their own….. I guess.
July 12, 2010 at 3:20 pm
This is pure ridicule already–what’s there to say?
The way this is going…the DEA will make a list on photoshop users.
July 12, 2010 at 3:23 pm
2. “Erial has a phone consultation with you to find out your interests, passions, fascinations, how you “see” yourself”
2B. During the phone consultation, please ignore any moaning or flesh squeaking sounds you might hear as this is all a part of the artistic process
July 12, 2010 at 3:24 pm
All this time, I’ve been nurturing my creativity in photography when I should have been taking copious amounts of mind-altering drugs and repeatedly hitting the “lens flare” filter in my 1995 version of Photoshop.
*Patty is allowed to freely mock photography-fuckery because one of her photos now hangs in a local Denny’s. Seriously!
July 12, 2010 at 3:27 pm
OK, this post persuaded me to join in on Regretsy. But as snarky as I can be, I can’t do better than Andrew Hussie (of webcomic fame)’s inimitable blog post:
“Erial Ali…would surely have it on authority from the celestial deities themselves which way would be optimal to set my soul aflame with rainbows and random forehead lasers, and how many shitty space dolphins would be ideal to stick up in my grill.”
http://andrewhussie.blogspot.com/2010/07/soul-money.html
Wow, I sounded like…
July 12, 2010 at 3:28 pm
…a spammer. Argh, it cut me off! Lousy stupid goddamn character limit.
July 12, 2010 at 3:33 pm
He really needs to take his work to the next level and use fluorescent ink.
July 12, 2010 at 3:53 pm
I’ve said it before …. and I can safely say it again…. some people just never “come back” from acid trips!
July 12, 2010 at 3:53 pm
Pronounce his name out loud and it’s “aerial alley.”
1955: our church youth group came to New York, and we bedded down, most of us alone, in the creepy Gothic basement of Riverside Presbyterian. Around 1 a.m. some of us broke out and prowled.
Down one alley, TV antennas above disappearing in a descending night fog, we heard a rock band, probably at a coffee house. The sound down the alley caused the music to phase in and out. In terror, we returned to our dungeon.
That’s my aerial…
July 12, 2010 at 3:55 pm
…alley
July 12, 2010 at 4:01 pm
Soul portrait + 70′s album cover + slogan from new Heaven’s Gate website = art for the head shop
http://www.flickr.com/photos/13893150@N02/4787762359/
July 12, 2010 at 4:07 pm
July 12, 2010 at 4:18 pm
On the subject of “visionary art”, why is this stuff such sappy, feel-good bullshit? Seen one unicorn pissing a rainbow, seen them all. What happen to art as a struggle of ideas–not some asshat fapping to Yanni?
/rant
July 12, 2010 at 4:25 pm
If all it takes is some schmuck with Photoshop skillz to meditate to “get who I really am”, then my entire teens and twenties were a total waste of time. Fucking hell. Do other teens and young adults know about this person?
Personally I’d like to see Bronc or VEDD “get who Erial really is”. Whatcha guys got?
July 12, 2010 at 4:31 pm
@ISUS-’fapping to Yanni’-I smell a Zazzle…..
July 12, 2010 at 4:32 pm
these guys are a team based in sausalito, ca.
i have actually been to sausalito- i didn’t know hippies resided there?
skully! why did i open that link! gah!!
July 12, 2010 at 4:33 pm
Dude, I don’t know what you guys are talking about. That art is effing awesome.
As soon as someone buys my damn portrait of Justin Beiber, I’m totally getting one.
July 12, 2010 at 4:33 pm
@raz-’i have actually been to Sausilito & didn’t know hippies resided there’-
Are you being ironic?
July 12, 2010 at 4:34 pm
Crap-Sausalito
July 12, 2010 at 4:43 pm
Heh heh!
He looks like a guy I dated in high school. Or what I imagine he’d look like now, 25+ years later, if he kept his hair.
I know more than a few people who would probably love the fantastickaled-up “art.”
July 12, 2010 at 4:58 pm
#66hamoza-I see you’ve also been to Sausalito.
July 12, 2010 at 5:12 pm
I prefer the black velvet color by numbers set as it costs $1.50 and not $150.
July 12, 2010 at 5:28 pm
I’d rather just save up for some Alex Grey.
http://www.cosm.org
July 12, 2010 at 5:43 pm
#68 @ knitten-kitten-Yes, many times , and by some serendipitous timimg , have avoided crossing paths with Ali Baba Gaga & his magic wand.
July 12, 2010 at 6:16 pm
Ah, I’d always wondered what kind of “art” the love child of Lisa Frank and Christian Reese Lassen would produce. Regretsy: Answering all the lingering questions about what your elementary school folder artists did in their spare time.
July 12, 2010 at 6:45 pm
@#60 ISUS: “Asshat fapping to Yanni” should win COTD! Maybe Erial wears these while creating his Celestial Soul Portraits:
July 12, 2010 at 7:12 pm
these guys are a team based in sausalito, ca.
i have actually been to sausalito- i didn’t know hippies resided there?
Raz, It’s not just Sausalito…it’s all of Marin. The gurus discovered there’s money to be made on Trustafarians.
July 12, 2010 at 7:24 pm
But why do I have to “1. You contact Erial Ali, letting him know you wish such a portrait?” Can’t he tune into me and know that I want one? I’m sure there’s an ESPtsy button on the site somewhere.
July 12, 2010 at 7:43 pm
Hippies can’t afford this. Unfortunately, they are the only ones who would want it.
July 12, 2010 at 7:50 pm
I think this is from “Tim & Eric” show, no?
Nobody is that truly awful…except for the entire state of Oregon and Kenny G.
July 12, 2010 at 7:57 pm
No I agree with IscreamUscream that the Trustafarian brand of hippy, happily cashed up, are his intended target market. Or owners of New Age shops and healing bizs. Or any hippie-professional fuck who can afford to go to Burning Man.
July 12, 2010 at 8:03 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 12, 2010 at 8:14 pm
A peek into the mind of Erial Ali while he’s tapping into your essence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQSNhk5ICTI
(autotuned for more mirth: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MX0D4oZwCsA )
July 12, 2010 at 8:49 pm
Double rainbow!!
July 13, 2010 at 1:09 am
I meditated REAL HARD while staring at Erial’s photo, and it hit me like a flash from the astral plane. Well actually, it was his bathrobe:
July 13, 2010 at 6:40 am
I am thinking new age tarot deck is a major possibility. Reading futures in the future. Illuminated with an LED lightbulb, of course.
July 13, 2010 at 12:47 pm
“just out of curiousity, what is it that I have to smoke (and how much of it) to actually want this?”
My guess is that a mixture embolism might work just as well.of banana peels and drain cleaner should do it. Although an intercranial
July 13, 2010 at 12:50 pm
Ahem. Apparently my keyboard has been smoking crack again. What that SHOULD say is:
“My guess is that a mixture of banana peels and drain cleaner should do it. Although an intercranial embolism might work just as well.”
If only Erial could tune into it to get its magickal essence, or some shit.
July 14, 2010 at 4:35 am
What is up with all the dolphins? Is she also a mermaid?
July 14, 2010 at 7:37 am
After viewing those images I feel like I dropped some acid. I don’t think I will ever be the same again.
The toe picture I found very disturbing.
July 14, 2010 at 9:52 am
I can’t look at those painting without feeling like my face is going to melt off a la Raiders of the Lost Ark.