Those are indeed eye-catching glasses! Especially when the metal holding the beads begins to fatigue and little barbs of it begin to catch on your friggin eyes!
I’m having trouble with the target audience with this piece. It’s obviously being marketed towards octogenarians as evidenced by Methuselah’s younger sister. However, not one of my grandparents, nor their sisters would wear this. The beads would tickle their cheeks and they’d spend all day flicking their hands at insects which don’t exists. (They hallucinate enough as it is.)
If I saw someone weraing these glasses coming towards me, I don’t think “pretty”, “happy”, or “friendly” would be the first words to pop into my mind.
I think “POLICE” would come first.
if i got these for my gram:
1 – she would call me constantly complaining of the rattling sound happening just out of her sight
2 – she would call me constantly complaining of the white orbs dancing and floating just out of her sight
3 – she would call me constantly with conspiracy theories of which of her bridge friends weighted her glasses down to throw her off her game
i should get them for her…i don’t hear from her enough
Whiteswallows first item in their shop is “eye protection” with pearl decorations. I’m almost certain that the “gentlemen” at the old folks home would prefer a round of bukake over another episode of Murder She Wrote.
I wonder if she makes these in bifocals… imagine the hallucinogenic potential. If only she could use faceted crystals instead of pearls — and then if she could add a 3-D effect to the bifocals…
If I saw someone wearing these glasses I wouldn’t think they were looking “prettier, happier, and more friendly.”
I would think they were heavily medicated.
Sadly, Nana needs these glasses in the nursing home. Women outnumber men 8 to 1 at my grandmother’s. She’s going to need all the bling she can get to set her apart from the other women.
While taking a shower I had a glob of shampoo run into my eye and I thought,”Well…at least it isn’t balls?” My God Killer……look what you have done to me…you are everywhere. I see burberry and I think dingleberry. My next thought was well I have never had as many balls in my eye as that old lady has? Then I thought about the last time I had balls(a set) in my eyes. I see a painting and think could the ass master have done that? My Mother called this AM
#46, Razberries, I picked up Paw Paw from his cataract surgery. I don’t remember the post-op instructions including “Mr. Bayou, I want you to have MORE dangly things in danger of scratching your eyes.”
Billsbayou…you need a visor with balls dangling from it to now match the glasses with the blinker that never turns off. That is the funniest shit I have seen…..
@ChrisNYC and BillsBayou: LOL, thanks for raising smile and good feelings!
I think replacing the faux pearls with charms depicting each of the 8 meds they take with every meal would make these more marketable to AARPies.
#52 Calibanista, and #57 Bane, Between Sabertooth and Leopard, I’m going to have to go with Sabertooth. Although Leopard does capture Granny’s penchant for wearing animal prints.
Wonder if she can make a set to match the Snuggie? I think they would go great together. Especially if Grannie also had a reborn doll in a matching Snuggie.
I have a suggestion for the next glasses in the series.
Dyed red wooden beads. But push granny around the grounds in the hot sun for a bit first before you take your pictures. Then she can have rivulets of red sweat trickling down her face.
And for the next ones, use copper beads. Copper conducts heat beautifully and the bonus is 4 circular burn marks under each eye.
And then use swarovski crystals. But you must have a disclaimer on them and warn people not to wear them while walking, driving or if they or any of their family or friends have a history of epilepsy. The flashes of light off the crystals are sure to induce a seizure in either the wearer or anyone looking at the wearer, especially in bright sunlight.
If I got these for my grammy in the nursing home, she would probably whip these out at dinner, laughing her ass off. She’s say, “Look at this ridiculous shit my granddaughter got me!” and wag her head to make the dangly bits wobble and get all the other ladies laughing. Then she’d put them away somewhere and totally forget they existed.
#78 call an 80 yr old cougar anything you want – they probably won’t hear you anyway…
SPEAKING of cougars. Did ya’ll see the last episode of HOT IN CLEVELAND? Betty White’s charecter Elka had to break up with her boyfriend “because he wouldn’t go DOWNTOWN.” He said “it was too dark and scary”
BillsBayou, turn-signal glasses are THE SHIT. Awesome. You gotta market those babies.
I’m weeping right now because I could have saved years of expensive medication and shock treatments- IF ONLY I’D KNOWN that a pair of glasses could make me “happier and more friendly as well.”
Wait just a goddamn minute. Has NO ONE commented on the fact that granny chose “WhiteSwallow” as her Etsy handle? Because in my admittedly filthy mind, swallowing white is NOT what I really want to think of granny doing, crazy sunglasses or not.
ps, Skully you just made me pee a little tiny bit with your Kim Cattrall comment.
Oh my GOD! I am laughing so hard at your comment–the Lady Gaga bit: “Na, na, ah, nana; Grandma, Grand Mama; Gramma, ooh la la. Why don’t you ever call me? Your brother calls all the time and he’s in medical school”
You are seriously THE MOST HYSTERICAL writer I have EVER come across!
I rarely laugh–seriously… But GOOD GOD you are a SCREAM!!!
July 8, 2010 at 8:11 am
Those are indeed eye-catching glasses! Especially when the metal holding the beads begins to fatigue and little barbs of it begin to catch on your friggin eyes!
July 8, 2010 at 8:12 am
That’s octogenarian abuse.
July 8, 2010 at 8:13 am
love love HK’s parody song! I’ll be chucking all day now… granted i would be anyway…
July 8, 2010 at 8:15 am
Betty White would rock those…
July 8, 2010 at 8:16 am
I’m having trouble with the target audience with this piece. It’s obviously being marketed towards octogenarians as evidenced by Methuselah’s younger sister. However, not one of my grandparents, nor their sisters would wear this. The beads would tickle their cheeks and they’d spend all day flicking their hands at insects which don’t exists. (They hallucinate enough as it is.)
July 8, 2010 at 8:16 am
Regretsy bait? The other stuff at her shop is actually nice.
And yes, now I have the parody son stuck on my head too.
July 8, 2010 at 8:17 am
I keep thinking of the movie, The Jerk! LOL!
July 8, 2010 at 8:17 am
I feel prettier, happier, and more friendly just looking at these Crazy Sunglasses.
July 8, 2010 at 8:17 am
“…they are not only for eye protection…”
Not.
If these were for eye protection, they’d be those dark green wrap-around glasses my Paw Paw wears.
July 8, 2010 at 8:18 am
Oops. She forgot the opti-grab.
July 8, 2010 at 8:18 am
WOW!!! I wonder if I go to the Wal-Mart for my next eye exam and glasses if they would put these on my regular glasses.
July 8, 2010 at 8:19 am
#9 BillsBayou – I think you are refering to what my friends and I call “Octogenarian Oakleys”
July 8, 2010 at 8:21 am
#11, Miss Naughty, that’s a great name! I can’t seem to find out what they’re called. It’s hard to Google what you don’t know.
July 8, 2010 at 8:21 am
They forgot you will look crazier.
July 8, 2010 at 8:22 am
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July 8, 2010 at 8:22 am
Crazy Sunglasses work–I feel happy and friendly from a good bout of laughter.
July 8, 2010 at 8:23 am
I can talk any Alzheimer or Dementia old person into doing things like this but I choose not to go straight to hell.
July 8, 2010 at 8:23 am
Is it bad that the first thing i noticed was the word “shop’s”? Also, there appears to be a fly trapped in the upper corner of these crazy badboys.
July 8, 2010 at 8:24 am
Old Lady Gaga!
July 8, 2010 at 8:24 am
Oh, sweet jesus, the irony. I meant, “shops’s”.
July 8, 2010 at 8:26 am
Gross….once I took my eyes of of the balls I noticed the nostril you can see right up.
July 8, 2010 at 8:27 am
If I saw someone weraing these glasses coming towards me, I don’t think “pretty”, “happy”, or “friendly” would be the first words to pop into my mind.
I think “POLICE” would come first.
July 8, 2010 at 8:27 am
These are just stupid. Even Elton John never wore anything this ridiculous.
July 8, 2010 at 8:27 am
Get Grandma some of these and she’ll be all set to be sassy!
http://www.koreabigeyes.com/images/catalog/KOREABIGEYES_PINKCOLLECTION.jpg
If someone with photoshop skills can insert circle lenses in the picture I’ll be happy all day…..
July 8, 2010 at 8:30 am
Pop those suckers on a pair of ‘Blu-Blockers’ and NOW we’re TALKing!
July 8, 2010 at 8:32 am
“You will look happier, and more friendly as well.”
Because there’s nothing that says “Happy Friendly Old Person” more than dangling balls.
July 8, 2010 at 8:33 am
Did you guys happen to catch the tag: “geekery”?
I’m sorry, but I am a self-professed uber geek, and I do not have those as part of my wardrobe.
July 8, 2010 at 8:35 am
if i got these for my gram:
1 – she would call me constantly complaining of the rattling sound happening just out of her sight
2 – she would call me constantly complaining of the white orbs dancing and floating just out of her sight
3 – she would call me constantly with conspiracy theories of which of her bridge friends weighted her glasses down to throw her off her game
i should get them for her…i don’t hear from her enough
July 8, 2010 at 8:35 am
Puts a whole new twist on the phrase “you’ll poke your eye out”
July 8, 2010 at 8:38 am
I think by “eye catching” they mean “caught in your eyeballs”
July 8, 2010 at 8:39 am
Whiteswallows first item in their shop is “eye protection” with pearl decorations. I’m almost certain that the “gentlemen” at the old folks home would prefer a round of bukake over another episode of Murder She Wrote.
July 8, 2010 at 8:39 am
“Wearing glasses like Crazy Sunglasses, you will look not only prettier, but happier and more friendly as well.”
Yes, you will look very friendly to the men in white coats who have come to take you away, ha-ha…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnzHtm1jhL4
July 8, 2010 at 8:41 am
Ewww, pearl eyes. Wait, the shop is called White Swallow? Oh, this is just too easy…
July 8, 2010 at 8:41 am
If you really want to sell crap-loaded glasses to the Octogenarian on the go:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/0903/billsbayou/OctogenarianOakleys.jpg
July 8, 2010 at 8:43 am
@#33 BillsBayou – Can you add a blinker on one side that never turns off? Then, it will be complete.
July 8, 2010 at 8:47 am
I wonder if she makes these in bifocals… imagine the hallucinogenic potential. If only she could use faceted crystals instead of pearls — and then if she could add a 3-D effect to the bifocals…
Also, imagine the potential for a monocle…
July 8, 2010 at 8:51 am
Now if she REALLY wants to target her audience, she’ll swap out those fake pearls for miniature bingo balls.
July 8, 2010 at 8:54 am
#34 KittyPrawn, (left turn signal in the left lane down I-10 from San Antonio to El Paso)
Avec Le Blinque:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/0903/billsbayou/OctogenarianOakleys-1.gif
July 8, 2010 at 8:58 am
…adding charms does not automatically make it CHARMING!
July 8, 2010 at 8:59 am
Go to the item page. Look at the larger image. Nana needs a nose hair trimmer. At least she picked it clean first.
July 8, 2010 at 9:04 am
#37 BillsBayou – if I get fired from work from all the laughing, I’m moving into your house
July 8, 2010 at 9:12 am
When I saw these glasses, it reminded me of this stuff:
http://www.curtisur.com/imagenes/Pieles/ca4.jpg
July 8, 2010 at 9:13 am
#36 Chrisnyc, here you go:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/0903/billsbayou/Bingo.jpg
July 8, 2010 at 9:15 am
If I saw someone wearing these glasses I wouldn’t think they were looking “prettier, happier, and more friendly.”
I would think they were heavily medicated.
July 8, 2010 at 9:16 am
Sadly, Nana needs these glasses in the nursing home. Women outnumber men 8 to 1 at my grandmother’s. She’s going to need all the bling she can get to set her apart from the other women.
Just what DO you call a 80-year-old cougar?
July 8, 2010 at 9:18 am
#40 Buzzkill, you better know how to cook. My wife left that chore to me years ago and I’m getting tired.
July 8, 2010 at 9:19 am
A great, happy, friendly way for Granny to look after her cataract surgery!
July 8, 2010 at 9:21 am
at 80 I wanna be DONE!!!!
While taking a shower I had a glob of shampoo run into my eye and I thought,”Well…at least it isn’t balls?” My God Killer……look what you have done to me…you are everywhere. I see burberry and I think dingleberry. My next thought was well I have never had as many balls in my eye as that old lady has? Then I thought about the last time I had balls(a set) in my eyes. I see a painting and think could the ass master have done that? My Mother called this AM
July 8, 2010 at 9:22 am
#46, Razberries, I picked up Paw Paw from his cataract surgery. I don’t remember the post-op instructions including “Mr. Bayou, I want you to have MORE dangly things in danger of scratching your eyes.”
July 8, 2010 at 9:22 am
47 cont.to remind me to get a cornhole board and bags at Shopko. Fuck????????
July 8, 2010 at 9:23 am
#48 BillsBayou : that is probably something he saves for the younger folks
July 8, 2010 at 9:25 am
Here’s the perfect pants to wear with these!
http://www.regretsy.com/2010/04/12/who-wore-it-better-2/
July 8, 2010 at 9:25 am
#44: Possibly sabretooth.
July 8, 2010 at 9:26 am
Billsbayou…you need a visor with balls dangling from it to now match the glasses with the blinker that never turns off. That is the funniest shit I have seen…..
July 8, 2010 at 9:27 am
You are all so much more fun than my real friends. This doesn’t seem fair to me but you also require a lot less maintenance than they do.
July 8, 2010 at 9:27 am
@ChrisNYC and BillsBayou: LOL, thanks for raising smile and good feelings!
I think replacing the faux pearls with charms depicting each of the 8 meds they take with every meal would make these more marketable to AARPies.
July 8, 2010 at 9:28 am
They need googly eyes.
July 8, 2010 at 9:31 am
Hey, here’s a great idea! Let’s make something that turns old people into even worse drivers.
July 8, 2010 at 9:33 am
BB: an 80-year-old cougar is called a leopard.
July 8, 2010 at 9:38 am
#52 Calibanista, and #57 Bane, Between Sabertooth and Leopard, I’m going to have to go with Sabertooth. Although Leopard does capture Granny’s penchant for wearing animal prints.
July 8, 2010 at 9:44 am
Meanies! Girls just wanna have fun!
Like when they’re using their clapper,they can wear these for a little bit of hands free percussion.
July 8, 2010 at 9:52 am
Old broad with balls in her face, sounds like Kim Cattrall in SATC 2.
July 8, 2010 at 10:21 am
Ok, calling them Crazy Sunglasses just does not evoke that cheerful and friendly vibe for me.
Maybe if you called them ‘Baubles on Goggles’ or ‘Dangling Participles’ or ‘Funny Faces’.
Of course, on the other hand, crazy sunglasses might be appropriate, because I know those dangly bits would certainly drive me crazy.
July 8, 2010 at 10:35 am
My first thought was, this is a scratched cornea waiting to happen. My second thought was, is that my mother?!?!
Checked the seller’s store and I’m pretty sure my mother doesn’t live in Gdansk, but with her, you never know.
What I do know is that she WOULD buy and wear these so if they sell, we’ll know who it is!
July 8, 2010 at 10:35 am
hee hee “dangly bits”
July 8, 2010 at 10:37 am
she adds one dangly ball for every person she’s killed…
July 8, 2010 at 10:41 am
I think an 80 year old cougar is called “Taxidermic Wildlife Display at the Natural History Museum”
July 8, 2010 at 10:48 am
They come with a check made out for one dollar and NINE CENTS.
July 8, 2010 at 10:57 am
You can buy these at Pearle Vision.
July 8, 2010 at 11:30 am
Do, do, dooooo
Were sorry, the style you have created has been disconnected. Please check the style in 30 years and try again.
July 8, 2010 at 11:34 am
They make this in the arts and crafts class at Shady Pines.
Shady Pines, Ma!
July 8, 2010 at 11:35 am
StinkBait: The year 2040 just called, they said we could keep them lol
July 8, 2010 at 11:36 am
@RCB: NEVER take your eyes off the balls.
July 8, 2010 at 11:40 am
Wonder if she can make a set to match the Snuggie? I think they would go great together. Especially if Grannie also had a reborn doll in a matching Snuggie.
July 8, 2010 at 11:55 am
#43 BillsBayou – BRILLIANT.
July 8, 2010 at 12:03 pm
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July 8, 2010 at 12:05 pm
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July 8, 2010 at 12:07 pm
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July 8, 2010 at 12:15 pm
If I got these for my grammy in the nursing home, she would probably whip these out at dinner, laughing her ass off. She’s say, “Look at this ridiculous shit my granddaughter got me!” and wag her head to make the dangly bits wobble and get all the other ladies laughing. Then she’d put them away somewhere and totally forget they existed.
Tempting, actually. How much are they going for?
July 8, 2010 at 12:26 pm
#48 Recovering Crack Baby :
at 80 I wanna be DONE!!!!
__________________________________
‘done’ as in finished? or ‘done’ as in ‘oh baby, do me again’?
July 8, 2010 at 12:29 pm
#78 call an 80 yr old cougar anything you want – they probably won’t hear you anyway…
SPEAKING of cougars. Did ya’ll see the last episode of HOT IN CLEVELAND? Betty White’s charecter Elka had to break up with her boyfriend “because he wouldn’t go DOWNTOWN.” He said “it was too dark and scary”
July 8, 2010 at 12:51 pm
Man, tough crowd. Ok, what do you call and 80 year old cougar?
How about whiteswallow………. get it? white…..swallow?
No? how about the most popular gal at the rest home?
Or….call her anything, but late to bingo!
Badum–bump!
July 8, 2010 at 3:14 pm
BillsBayou, turn-signal glasses are THE SHIT. Awesome. You gotta market those babies.
I’m weeping right now because I could have saved years of expensive medication and shock treatments- IF ONLY I’D KNOWN that a pair of glasses could make me “happier and more friendly as well.”
July 8, 2010 at 3:57 pm
BillsBayou, I was joking
Skully- that Kim Catrall comment should win COTD…
July 8, 2010 at 4:09 pm
Razz and Skully: Does Kim Catrell having balls in her face make her “look prettier,happier and more friendly as well”
July 8, 2010 at 5:24 pm
Thanks, Raz.
Stretch, yes, that wrinkled bag loves wrinkled bags.
July 8, 2010 at 6:34 pm
Oh my gosh that song! I am still laughing.
July 9, 2010 at 7:44 am
One big sneeze and Nana has shattered glass in her eyes.
What were they thinking?
July 9, 2010 at 12:09 pm
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July 9, 2010 at 5:36 pm
Wait just a goddamn minute. Has NO ONE commented on the fact that granny chose “WhiteSwallow” as her Etsy handle? Because in my admittedly filthy mind, swallowing white is NOT what I really want to think of granny doing, crazy sunglasses or not.
ps, Skully you just made me pee a little tiny bit with your Kim Cattrall comment.
July 10, 2010 at 3:44 am
These are making me pee.
July 13, 2010 at 11:49 am
What’s Whiteswallow shops’s, Precious? What is it, eh?
October 12, 2011 at 8:46 pm
Oh my GOD! I am laughing so hard at your comment–the Lady Gaga bit: “Na, na, ah, nana; Grandma, Grand Mama; Gramma, ooh la la. Why don’t you ever call me? Your brother calls all the time and he’s in medical school”
You are seriously THE MOST HYSTERICAL writer I have EVER come across!
I rarely laugh–seriously… But GOOD GOD you are a SCREAM!!!