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Things That Are Not Steampunk #1

78 comments on Things That Are Not Steampunk #1

  1. razberries
    July 1, 2010 at 9:33 am

    You mean, you don’t see the clockwork stuff on the pocket? Don’t you know that if you add anything with gears or clocks to something, that makes it steampunk?
    Right…. ;-)
    I think Abe would look fab as a Zazzle product!

    Thumb up Thumb down +71

  2. HelenaHandbasket
    July 1, 2010 at 9:37 am

    Not when worn by cool old Abe, but mayhaps when donned by a basement dweller?

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  3. curlytopnola
    July 1, 2010 at 9:40 am

    yeah, cuz when i think steampunk – and i do often – i visualize copper and brass and gray and black….not the whole blue colorwheel from sherwin williams.
    abe’s lookin’ good, though.

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  4. use me multipurpose
    July 1, 2010 at 9:47 am

    well…maybe he got confused between “steampunk” and “steam press” as he was ironing the shirt that morning.

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  5. eldatari
    July 1, 2010 at 9:47 am

    I would love a poster print of that Abe ‘shop! I hate when good subcultures go bad.

    Thumb up Thumb down +22

  6. leftfoot
    July 1, 2010 at 9:48 am

    Because back in the beginning of the industrial revolution, they had vibrant turquoise dyes. Yep Yep Yep.

    Thumb up Thumb down +47

  7. sparklepire googly eyes
    July 1, 2010 at 9:53 am

    This is obviously from the clown steampunk alternate universe. Duh.

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  8. LeeLooDallas
    July 1, 2010 at 9:53 am

    I’m just biding my time until CasioPunk.

    Thumb up Thumb down +54

  9. joshpincusiscrying
    July 1, 2010 at 9:58 am

    In the seller’s defense, I get “steampunk” and “blue striped shirt” confused a lot.

    Thumb up Thumb down +136

  10. LeeLooDallas
    July 1, 2010 at 10:01 am

    Josh we have the same hair.

    Thumb up Thumb down +32

  11. KittyPrawn
    July 1, 2010 at 10:07 am

    I always wanted to get into the SteamPunk trend… I never realize it would be this cheap and easy!

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  12. joshpincusiscrying
    July 1, 2010 at 10:08 am

    @LeeLooDallas: Cool. Do you get yours from a bottle every eight weeks? I do.

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  13. IscreamUscream
    July 1, 2010 at 10:08 am

    More like Steampuke.

    Thumb up Thumb down +39

  14. EmKay73
    July 1, 2010 at 10:10 am

    Inconceivable!

    Thumb up Thumb down +23

  15. Honest Ape
    July 1, 2010 at 10:13 am

    Gears embroidered on a Nordstrom’s shirt =/= Steampunk. Steampreppy, maybe.

    Thumb up Thumb down +72

  16. LeeLooDallas
    July 1, 2010 at 10:14 am

    Josh: We must shop at the same Walgreens. See ya in aisle 5!

    Thumb up Thumb down +21

  17. thembone
    July 1, 2010 at 10:16 am

    Steampreppy. I like it. I’m startin’ it. I’m going to go tie clock parts onto my loafers.

    Thumb up Thumb down +101

  18. pplrdum
    July 1, 2010 at 10:23 am

    you guys are so shortsided: he has a PONYTAIL!

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  19. knittin-kitten
    July 1, 2010 at 10:24 am

    Had to put on my magnifying ocular device to take a good look. I have checked quite thoroughly my companions and we all agree under no circumstances would a shirt that would be worn to a Nickleback concert be categorized as steampunk.

    Please excuse me while I retire to the parlor with a cup of Earl Grey. I am feeling quite faint from the assault upon my eyes by this hideous conglomeration of hues.

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  20. Skully
    July 1, 2010 at 10:24 am

    @#16 thembone: Just put little gears in the slots on your penny loafers.

    Thumb up Thumb down +48

  21. LadyGrey
    July 1, 2010 at 10:24 am

    No, that is definitely Douchewear. Douchepunk?

    Thumb up Thumb down +56

  22. miss_naughty
    July 1, 2010 at 10:25 am

    Do you think the black t-shirt he is wearing underneath says “kiss me, i’m a crafthole”

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  23. Buzzkill To Teenagers
    July 1, 2010 at 10:30 am

    There are so many things wrong with that outfit: the top button is undone, there is no tie, or hat (well, eh *could* be wearing a hat; his head’s cut off) or gloves or vest OR jacket.

    Oh, and the shirt is… just wrong.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  24. laughinglurker
    July 1, 2010 at 10:31 am

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -16

  25. Stretch65
    July 1, 2010 at 10:36 am

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -61

  26. Dynomoose
    July 1, 2010 at 10:37 am

    Awesome Princess Bride quote on the Lincoln poster. I think that needs to be on the Zazzle.

    Thumb up Thumb down +18

  27. knittin-kitten
    July 1, 2010 at 10:40 am

    I do like that they include the definition of steampunk in order to reinforce the statement that this shirt is in fact steampunk and not just an unfortunate collision of ugly shirt and silkscreen.

    I’m willing to wager the reason his head is cut out of the picture is that he refused to be associated with this no matter how much his girlfriend begged. Too bad there wasn’t a spare ball of yarn laying around.

    Thumb up Thumb down +38

  28. VagtasticSPRHRO
    July 1, 2010 at 10:44 am

    Wow. When I think ‘mad scientist’ a button-down seizure of blue stripes on a shirt is totally what comes to mind. I don’t remotely think about someones about-to-be-thirty Dad trying to stay ‘hip’..no, not at all.
    Abe is my new steampunk hero. If we could get him wearing goggles on his hat, and put that on some zazzle, well, i’d be GETTINGsburg me somma that.. bad joke.. really bad.

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

  29. Skully
    July 1, 2010 at 10:50 am

    @#16 thembone: Steamfunk was a cool trend, remember James Brown’s steam-powered Sex Machine?

    Thumb up Thumb down +30

  30. LeeLooDallas
    July 1, 2010 at 10:52 am

    SteamCrunk. Now that I’d like to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down +37

  31. knittin-kitten
    July 1, 2010 at 10:58 am

    I did once go on a date with a man who looked like the stereotypical Victorian scientist, sideburns and all.

    (This reminds me of the dot com guys in the 90′s showing up at the goth clubs in SF and thinking if they wore a black shirt and black jeans they would blend in just fine. They were usually hideously over charged at the door.)

    Thumb up Thumb down +20

  32. KittyPrawn
    July 1, 2010 at 11:20 am

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  33. Patty has been abducted by an Alien
    July 1, 2010 at 11:21 am

    I didn’t know they sold Steampunk garb at Wal-Mart!

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  34. LeeLooDallas
    July 1, 2010 at 11:23 am

    Kitty: HA!

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  35. thegooddoublec
    July 1, 2010 at 11:25 am

    haha I learn something new every day from this blog… I had no idea that steampunk was the genre theme for bioshock and fallout… now I know, thanks to google and April.
    However, this shirt looks nothing like anything from this genre (now that I know the name for it)… it looks like it’s an old Express men’s shirt from 2005… with gears on it. Although it does spike the same uneasiness in me as playing bioshock does…

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  36. Holytape
    July 1, 2010 at 11:26 am

    This is steampunk. It doesn’t show up that well in the photo, but that color blue is powered exclusive by coal strapped to his head. In fact, that shirt has the same carbon foot print as a small Eastern European country, which makes it the most steampunkiest steampunk button down shirt on the market.

    Thumb up Thumb down +29

  37. Mistletoe
    July 1, 2010 at 11:34 am

    [vague tangent]
    I saw someone once made a steampunk vibrator. It was honest-to-Verne steam powered, but the woman who made it warned that it got too hot to actually use. She was then assaulted by comments from people saying since it had no unnecessary cogs or springs stuck to it, it obviously wasn’t steampunk.
    [/vague tangent]

    Thumb up Thumb down +45

  38. #20 LadyGrey : I was thinking the same thing, that is was kind of douchey.It looks like a dress shirt for the Ed Hardy set.

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  39. Wednesday
    July 1, 2010 at 11:43 am

    Thanks to Regretsy, I have the inexplicable urge to see Steampunk Abe vs. Tribal Tattoo Teddy Roosevelt in a Dance Dance Revolution grudge match.

    I bet TR would kick his ass.

    Thumb up Thumb down +41

  40. istillheartbretmichaels
    July 1, 2010 at 11:46 am

    This inspired the birth of a new regretsy section . . . I don’t know whether to laugh or cry . . . Strangely, I’m doing both.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  41. knittin-kitten
    July 1, 2010 at 11:49 am

    Well, steampunk is certainly popular this morning. I was just perusing the local free weekly and there is an advertisement for the opening reception of a showing of steampunk themed art. Perhaps someone will purchase this shirt and wear it to the exhibit.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  42. geektastic
    July 1, 2010 at 11:54 am

    #37 sudabaki, don’t you mean Eb Hardly?

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  43. redredred
    July 1, 2010 at 11:55 am

    You mean “adventurer” and “mad scientist” aren’t valid career choices in this world?

    Damn it.

    Thumb up Thumb down +31

  44. redredred
    July 1, 2010 at 11:58 am

    #20 LadyGrey: Why, I believe you just started a new subculture for dounchey punks.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  45. #41 geektastic : Oops, you’re right. Looks like I’m the King of Stupid.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  46. CallMeMacPhisto
    July 1, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    #1 echoes my sentiments about steampunk to the T.

    And I can’t wait for more “Omg I put gears on this so that makes it steampunk zomg!”

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  47. Calibanista
    July 1, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    Not only, as so many before me have pointed out, is this not steampunk… it is slightly farther away from punk of any kind than Anita Bryant.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  48. redredred
    July 1, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    Mayhaps if people actually read once in a blue they would have a better understanding of steampunk. That’s my theory. Much like if people read once in a blue, they would also understand that vampires don’t sparkle.

    The seller can give literary examples all they want, I don’t believe she read them.

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

  49. curlytopnola
    July 1, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    just read the crafter’s profile….all about sandy and taryn.
    ummm. i’m no expert on the americans with disabilities act but i don’t think this is what that piece of legislation had in mind:

    Taryn’s fondest wish is to be the first cripple velcro-tossed on the David Letterman Show.

    is that code for something?

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  50. knittin-kitten
    July 1, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    #47 redredred : After a perusal of the items in her store and the descriptions that accompany them I believe that the young lady may have made the recent purchase of an encyclopedia.

    (It’s good to know there is a kindred spirit out there when it comes to books.)

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  51. knittin-kitten
    July 1, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    Could someone explain all this poppycock about vampires sparkling?

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  52. KittyPrawn
    July 1, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    @51 kitten -

    It might be better that you don’t know. Somehow, you’ve managed to completely avoid any knowledge of Twilight – and you are a better person for it.

    Thumb up Thumb down +22

  53. Dynomoose
    July 1, 2010 at 1:09 pm

    I love Steampunk. If I ever win the powerball (or am magically gifted with all sorts of carpentry, electronic and metalwork skills), I’ll be perusing Regretsy on my entirely steampunked computer. I am fond of many books in the steampunk genre (being a total Neal Stephenson fangirl, The Diamond Age is my favorite).
    This shit is NOT steampunk. It is silk screened telemarketer.

    #51 knittin-kitten, Twilight. Mormon vampires can’t go out in direct sunlight because their skin sparkles like…

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  54. Dynomoose
    July 1, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    …diamonds

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  55. Dynomoose, “silk screened telemarketer”

    I’m going to try and use that in a sentence.

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  56. Efit
    July 1, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    So all steampunkery bullshit aside, why has no one has commented on this carnie disaster?
    http://www.etsy.com/listing/45943463/custom-steel-boned-bustle

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  57. knittin-kitten
    July 1, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    #56 Efit : I saw it. I refuse to acknowledge it’s existence.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  58. knittin-kitten
    July 1, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    KittyPrawn and Dynomoose I once had one of the Twi-lits corner me and try to force the entire series upon me. I do not jest. She said it was the greatest series of books ever written and if I would only go with her to the bookstore she would BUY the entire series for me. Up until that moment she had seemed an entirely sane and reasonable person. I only escaped due to my quick wit and the brandishing of the parasol I was carrying. I shudder when I remember the fanatical gleam in her eye.

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  59. VagtasticSPRHRO
    July 1, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    New meaning to loose interp. I’ll just throw cogs and gears on… oh, this-or-that, and sell it as steam punk. Oh, at a community event, I saw an acne covered pre-teen wearing goggles and creamsicle colored chuck taylors. He also had some strange upsidedown triangle shaped animal hanging from his bottom lip.. reminding me of this horrible VH1 show..

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  60. Dynomoose
    July 1, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    I read the books. They were entertaining. Not particularly well-written, but entertaining.
    The thing I LOVE about the Twilight and Harry Potter crazes is that they have gotten a lot of kids excited about reading.
    Do I think that everyone absolutely MUST (omg)READ THOSE BOOKS? Uh…. no.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  61. knittin-kitten
    July 1, 2010 at 2:12 pm

    Maybe one of the vampires from the Twilight series would like this shirt. I’m sure the hideous blue stripes would complement sparkly diamond skin perfectly.

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  62. VagtasticSPRHRO
    July 1, 2010 at 2:12 pm

    Best thing ever written.. my AP english teacher probably dropped dead the moment those words came out of that persons mouth. I mean, J.Swift has nothing on this beeotch, unless he comes up with a new book.. I see that happening. Real soon.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  63. redredred
    July 1, 2010 at 2:25 pm

    #58 knittin-kitten: I read all four of those damn books to see what the hype was about. I tried to keep an open mind. If there wasn’t such a twi-orgy going on in the world, I’d simply find these books bad but amusing. In the way that something is so bad that it’s unintentionally funny. That being said, I have never in my life seen such a pathetic portrayal of women. Well, I have, but this is the first time I saw it being celebrated so much.

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  64. knittin-kitten
    July 1, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    redredred – I made the “mistake” of reading Forester, Wharton, James, and Dreiser while still in high school. Had already plowed through Tolkien and Edith Hamilton whilst still in grade school. Too bad. If I hadn’t done that I might be able to enjoy the Twilight “novels”. Silly me, stuck now with a taste for the well written!

    I did make an attempt to read the first chapter of Meyer’s The Host but was thrown out of the bookstore when my giggles erupted into uncontrollable laughter.

    Thumb up Thumb down +19

  65. redredred
    July 1, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    #64 knittin-kitten: True story: In one of the High Schools I went to, a guidance counselor felt the need to speak to me privately about the discovery that I was reading Lady Chatterley’s Lover. The same day my house was called. My mom was so confused because it was the first time the house was called when I *didn’t* do something wrong (As far as she was concerned.). You should have seen one teacher’s reaction when I was caught reading Kafka. This is what happened to me for not reading crap.

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  66. CrossedPromise
    July 1, 2010 at 4:00 pm

    “Look Ma, gears! Must be one of them Steampunks.”

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  67. knittin-kitten
    July 1, 2010 at 6:06 pm

    We are all persecuted by the powers that be for not reading crap. This may be why no one will feel up my sense.

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  68. Kecky
    July 1, 2010 at 8:34 pm

    http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=266 Right??

    I liked steampunk before it had a name. It’s cooler that way.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  69. Kite
    July 1, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    @leftfoot, just to be pedantic, vibrant turquoise dyes were available before the Industrial Revolution. The dye was Saxon blue – indigo treated with sulphuric acid. (That or overdyeing indigo with a bright yellow, like weld.) Steampunk might be all muted colours, but natural dyes will give eye-searingly bright colours if done correctly, and have been doing so for centuries. The stripes on this shirt are still hideous and poorly chosen however.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  70. boyoconnor
    July 1, 2010 at 11:32 pm

    Inconceivable!

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  71. rumi monger
    July 2, 2010 at 1:34 am

    excellent new category.

    did anyone say SteamJuggalo yet? I am reading comments only sporadically because i’m still a solipsistic dweeb.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  72. Dynomoose
    July 2, 2010 at 1:38 am

    I read crap. I also read brilliant literature and several shades in between.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  73. Dix
    July 2, 2010 at 5:39 am

    I’m reasonably sure that Steampunk and electric blue are mutually exclusive.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  74. nickiefrye
    July 2, 2010 at 9:43 am

    My husband got this same shirt at Costco.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  75. Sir Winston Furchill
    July 2, 2010 at 11:43 am

    Well, you’ve given me a quest, now. I shall be submitting huge amounts of things to fill out that new category, as it is one of my larger pet peeves… Oh, how I love you, Regretsy; if I have not professed my love before, I do now, adamantly!

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  76. Sir Winston Furchill
    July 2, 2010 at 12:09 pm

    Every.

    Single.

    Time.

    I see something like this labeled as “Steampunk,” this comic is all I can think of…

    http://sn.im/yrko6

    (snipped down URL to make it easier to deal with… no, it is not pr0n or somesuch)

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  77. knittin-kitten
    July 2, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    #75-right there with you sir!

    I’m steampunk on the inside.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  78. raven
    July 2, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    I have been guilty of abusing the “steampunk” tag but this seller has some BALLS trying to justify it in the description as well.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

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