Equal Paver Equal Work
This Secretary’s Day, why not show your appreciation by giving your secretary a cement paver? Research shows that most working women prefer badly painted lawn decorations over bonuses! Plus it’s fun to watch her try to carry a 40 pound paver down to her 2002 Kia Sorrento.
June 30, 2010 at 4:37 pm
I can tell you now, she’s only smiling on the outside.
June 30, 2010 at 4:37 pm
I’d rather be sexually harassed by the entire IT department than get this as a gift.
June 30, 2010 at 4:39 pm
You use things for doorstops that you hate, right?
June 30, 2010 at 4:39 pm
Aren’t secretaries and admin assistants walked all over already? Is there really a market for this?
June 30, 2010 at 4:40 pm
Is it just me and my filthy mind, or does her smile look like a scrotum?
June 30, 2010 at 4:42 pm
You’re right Christy, it looks to me like she’s frowning and has a scrotum chin.
June 30, 2010 at 4:45 pm
Oh, Miss Stone… come in and take a letter… and bring me some coffee.
June 30, 2010 at 4:46 pm
Because this is what My Mom (who fits the ‘market’) would love to put on her patio.. we’d probably end up dressing it up as a witch for halloween, a bunny for easter.. probably paint over it. It’s a stupid gift. We try to make the best of those things. Otherwise we’d throw it out, but idk if the garbage men would take this..
June 30, 2010 at 4:50 pm
who has white freckles?? And it does look like her mouth is a scrotum. which looks more like a chin. Which could explain why other employees didn’t get such a gift. Of course, maybe it’s the bow.
June 30, 2010 at 4:51 pm
She’s cute. I think I’d rather have a patio cat than a person tho. Imagine, a cat that just lays there like a block of cement doing nothing. Oh wait, I have 3 of those already.
June 30, 2010 at 4:52 pm
This would go great with my Twilight Flowerpot People…(not that they’re mine). And how in the blue blazes is shipping for a giant block of concrete only $12?
June 30, 2010 at 4:53 pm
‘…very sturdy & won’t blow away with the first gust of wind’….too bad for that.
I’ll bet missy is gonna’ have a bad hair day after a bit of rain.Not that it actually could be uglier!
June 30, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Perfect for the employee that always gets stepped on!
June 30, 2010 at 4:59 pm
@ #11 aroseisarose : And how in the blue blazes is shipping for a giant block of concrete only $12?
The Post Office is going to regret offering flat rate priority shipping.
June 30, 2010 at 5:04 pm
That would be so cute on the desk…of the Jolly Green Giantess.
June 30, 2010 at 5:04 pm
“getting a concrete paver”, is that what the kids are calling it these days?
June 30, 2010 at 5:08 pm
This is just the kind of decoration you hit your big toe on when your bringing in your groceries on a hot day. Then you will become Worlds Most Pissed Off Secretary.
June 30, 2010 at 5:10 pm
actually, it’s only flat rate up to 20lbs. At least that’s the way it works when I send my care packages, maybe it’s just an overseas thing. When the postman says ‘what’s in this, an ugly painted concrete paver???’ Oh, how right you really are, mr.postman.
June 30, 2010 at 5:13 pm
I know back when I worked at a switchboard of a large multi-national corporation, nothing said “I appreciate all the bullshit you put up with” more than a slab of parking lot.
June 30, 2010 at 5:14 pm
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June 30, 2010 at 5:16 pm
You could probably save on shipping by running by to pick it up yourself, on the way to Michigan to get your bowling ball caterpillar garden decoration.
June 30, 2010 at 5:18 pm
secretary or admin assistant? well, speaking from personal experience, calling someone secretary is SO 1955. but it all means the same thing- the boss’ bitch.
that being said, if i ever had received this secretarial piece of crap, i would have whaled it at my boss’ head.
June 30, 2010 at 5:18 pm
#20 jojo : “witter?” is that a mix between whiter and bitter?
June 30, 2010 at 5:18 pm
#21 That made my stomach ache from laughter
June 30, 2010 at 5:18 pm
Sorry, jojo, you were just asking for it
June 30, 2010 at 5:21 pm
#2 leftfoot: If THAT is substituting raises and I don’t know, a nice bonus to show your appreciation, then yes, getting sexually harassed would be far more rewarding.
June 30, 2010 at 5:36 pm
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June 30, 2010 at 5:37 pm
That Miss Merriwether, she’s such a brick.
June 30, 2010 at 5:37 pm
#26 redredred : before the dotcom bubble burst in the 90s, I was an exec admin and my boss thought a better parking space was a “good enough” raise. So, I slept with her husband.
June 30, 2010 at 5:38 pm
#27 jojo : we only hate the ones we love.
June 30, 2010 at 5:39 pm
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June 30, 2010 at 5:40 pm
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June 30, 2010 at 5:42 pm
lol i figured 18 year old hate sex would get thumbed down.
June 30, 2010 at 5:45 pm
Screw the raise. Just give her a piece of concrete crap for the patio you assume she has.
June 30, 2010 at 5:46 pm
Once upon a time I would have loved to get this from my boss so I could beat the crap out of him with it. I would have happily gone to jail for that. Actually, come to think of it, I had several bosses like that.
June 30, 2010 at 5:50 pm
Is this some veiled way of telling your secretary she’s dead weight?
These are heavy; I have one made into a snowman. Makes a good door stop during the holidays.
June 30, 2010 at 5:51 pm
Is it just me, or does she look like the “Cathy” comic strip? Like she needs a cloud of papers behind her, bendy pipe cleaner arms, and a thought bubble that says, “AAAARGH!”
Not that it would make her better.
June 30, 2010 at 6:11 pm
#29 leftfoot: Did you do it on national boss’s day to drive the point home?
June 30, 2010 at 6:17 pm
#38 redredred: Nah, I did it a few days before I quit at the Christmas party – after I drank my weight in top shelf vodka and my bonus check cleared, of course.
June 30, 2010 at 6:18 pm
This would be perfect to smash in the windshield of the boss’s car.
June 30, 2010 at 6:32 pm
#39 leftfoot: Smart move
.
June 30, 2010 at 6:32 pm
I don’t know what anyone is talking about. I would be honored to get that from my boss so that I knew I was appreciated. In fact, I’m pretty sure I could put it in my chair at my desk, and they wouldn’t even notice the difference. It would be a paid vacation!!
June 30, 2010 at 6:35 pm
Just when I thought doll-like objects couldn’t get any worse there’s this.
Nothing says I appreciate all your hard work and dedication like a hunk of poorly painted concrete. NOTHING.
Leftfoot you are my hero.
June 30, 2010 at 7:05 pm
No shit she’s The World’s Best Sec., considering she’s able to answer phones, take notes, and fetch coffee without any fucking arms or legs.
June 30, 2010 at 7:37 pm
#43 knittin-kitten : 70 hour salaried work weeks for a heartless b of a boss while in college will make a girl really really really angry. haha. I don’t recommend it by any means.
June 30, 2010 at 8:03 pm
#33 leftfoot : lol i figured 18 year old hate sex would get thumbed down.
Do you not know us by now. BRAVO.
June 30, 2010 at 8:08 pm
I understand leftfoot, I usually work retail. I don’t recommend that either. In my artistic ability I ended up getting a degree in fashion design.
Hey! I ought to be selling stuff on Etsy! Don’t even think of vilating my copyrite when I do!
June 30, 2010 at 8:16 pm
Memo: Sally in HR
Sally, it was sweet of you to organize the Secretary’s Day gift this year, especially when you actually asked me what I wanted during happy hour last week. For the record, I was joking, and anyway, this isn’t exactly what I meant when I told you I just wanted to get stoned.
June 30, 2010 at 8:31 pm
#46 Recovering Crack Baby : oh you missed it at -4 about 10 minutes after I posted it. It was fantastic!
June 30, 2010 at 8:36 pm
Picture this flying out the 27th floor window. Don’t mess with secretaries.
June 30, 2010 at 9:33 pm
I’m shocked that shipping is only $5
June 30, 2010 at 10:57 pm
Miss Sunshine apparently banged Mr. Concrete and then robbed a Michael’s. I hate it when mom still buys me clothes, too.
July 1, 2010 at 12:21 am
Amber e #37
No, you are not alone. I pictured this Regretsy math in my head:
http://www.mysocialnetwork.net/blog08/555/y1508/Cathy.GIF
+
http://www.firmfoundationcpa.com/membership_benefits/image/CinderBlock_CMYK.jpg
To the power of
http://i.cnn.net/money/2006/08/21/news/newsmakers/bad_bosses/office_scott.03.jpg
Equals that insult of a “gift”.
That thing better bust open and have something expensive and sparkly inside or I’d kill the one giving it to me, finding out.
July 1, 2010 at 4:49 am
@#5 follow-up to Christy, and if you squint hard it is a uterus complete with ovaries.
This Secretary’s Day, remind that special someone that her biology has left her screwed in the marketplace!
July 1, 2010 at 5:12 am
Leftfoot – you know they made a movie about you… You were played by Melanie Griffith and Sigourney Weaver was your bitch boss. And you got to screw Harrison Ford. Go you!!! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096463/
July 1, 2010 at 5:13 am
A doorstop for Secretary’s Day is really redundant, isn’t it?
And it looks suspiciously like the items for sale in one of those smarmy catalogs that clog my mail slot every month.
July 1, 2010 at 5:27 am
Cement chatski – $18
+
Shipping 40 lb cement chatski = $12
+
Herniated UPS guy = Priceless
July 1, 2010 at 5:41 am
I wish I had a lawn.
My neighbors would hate what I did to it.
July 1, 2010 at 6:37 am
#58- I shit you not. My Sister had a neighbor who had OCD and swept her sidewalks, cleaned with a toothbrush. Trimmed her shit daily. Mowed every other day. One day they looked out and there she was trimming up and OCDing their yard. So they put up Christmas lights, pink Flamingos, fucking gnomes and shit. It was the best.
July 1, 2010 at 7:11 am
A fun way to get back at someone if you know their address is to advertise for a yard sale in the paper for your “friend”. Say refreshments being served, early birds encouraged.
2. Stop by the house late (night before yard sale) and drop off any old, nasty shit you can get your hands on (mattresses with urine spots, dirty kids plastic toy crap). Also post sign saying “ring bell twice, owner hard of hearing”.
Good times.
July 1, 2010 at 7:19 am
As if being someone’s secretary weren’t punishment enough.
July 1, 2010 at 7:58 am
My secretary is built like a brick patio.
July 1, 2010 at 9:06 am
Who buys something like this?
Male Boss: The item is a mutant form of “cute”. Therefore, it isn’t on the list.
Female Boss: Such a boss would instantly recognize this has a hideous insult.
This leaves: Idiots.
July 1, 2010 at 10:29 am
#53 Rebekah
To the power of Michael Scott! That’s priceless! Double “AAARGH!”
July 1, 2010 at 11:30 am
She’s got a head for business and a bod for paving:
http://i985.photobucket.com/albums/ae338/grinreaper1965/Regretsy/patio-pavers-Sonoma-Fieldstone.jpg
July 1, 2010 at 11:48 am
Ahhh. I hadn’t realized how low my Harrison Ford Smirkmeter had gotten. Thanks, Skully.
July 1, 2010 at 1:37 pm
I had the misfortune of being a secretary for a couple years. Most humiliating times of my life. If someone gave me this on Secretary’s Day I’d use it to murder them.
August 6, 2010 at 7:15 pm
looks like a monument for a secretary that got worked to death
September 8, 2010 at 1:19 pm
“What can Brown (UPS) do for you?” Not leave this piece of shit.
And aren’t they called Admins now? I mean Jesus, get her a Starbucks gift card and call it a day, because giving this as a gift is like BEGGING to get your ass kicked on the parking lot after work. HOPEFULLY she won’t use the paver to do it.