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Shoeless in Seattle

Posted by Helen Killer

93 comments

I cried because I had no feet
Until I met a girl who wore this shit

Filed in Bullshit 93 comments

93 Comments

Add Comment

Jun 16, 2010
4:34 pm

#1 Dynomoose :

My goodness, there is a lot of marijuana smoked on etsy, isn’t there?

Rate this comment: +83

Jun 16, 2010
4:35 pm

#2 willandwont :

I’d go barefoot before I’d wear those! Oh wait…

Rate this comment: +80

Jun 16, 2010
4:37 pm

#3 MsChristy McKnickers :

This would go great with my drum circle outfit! I can already smell the patchouli now.

Rate this comment: +42

Jun 16, 2010
4:37 pm

#4 nickiefrye :

Is it weird that I’m more disturbed by the toenails than the “sandals”?

Rate this comment: +114

Jun 16, 2010
4:38 pm

#5 mazumi :

When I saw that headline, I said to myself

“Self, that’s gonna be a pair of feet I do NOT want to see.”

…yep.

Rate this comment: +64

Jun 16, 2010
4:39 pm

#6 hamoza :

Thirty bucks? $30? Laughing in flowers?
Right, she’s laughing all the way to the bank.

Rate this comment: +35

Jun 16, 2010
4:39 pm

#7 biggles5 :

These look like some sort of makeshift bandages. Per fect for when you get a blister on the pioneer trail.

Rate this comment: +25

Jun 16, 2010
4:39 pm

#8 LeeLooDallas :

What a heel.

Rate this comment: +10

Jun 16, 2010
4:41 pm

#9 DizzyMissLizzy :

Straight from the movie set of “Girl, Interrupted”

Rate this comment: +2

Jun 16, 2010
4:42 pm

#10 abimar :

do they come with the fungus, or will she make me a fresh pair?

Rate this comment: +36

Jun 16, 2010
4:43 pm

#11 LeeLooDallas :

Corny.

Rate this comment: +6

Jun 16, 2010
4:43 pm

#12 leftfoot :

haha I suggested this on fb. awesome!

Eric Cartman: “Drugs are bad because if you do drugs you’re a hippie and hippies suck.”

Rate this comment: +27

Jun 16, 2010
4:44 pm

#13 tarabu :

I really wanted to like these, in a thirteen-year-old hippie girl on the beach sort of way. But I just can’t. Maybe if they fit – although that may just be because of the angle of the photo. Maybe if the pattern was centered and the seams were finished. One mile walking the woods in these and that zig-zags going to be all torn up with bramble. I know I’m getting technical, but avant-garde raw edge deconstructed looks irk my soul.

Rate this comment: +27

Jun 16, 2010
4:45 pm

#14 hamoza :

Peaced together? Spare me.
The toe wrapped in floral bunting looks like a Russian Marytroshka doll being strangled.

Rate this comment: +45

Jun 16, 2010
4:46 pm

#15 sparklzebith :

$30 for stitched together ribbon roll ends?? I’d rather eat myself into cheeseburger oblivion…and I don’t eat meat.

Rate this comment: +20

Jun 16, 2010
4:47 pm

#16 rumi monger :

leftfoot, if you can re-own it, i can upcycle my original comment:

“All these barefoot sandals are made using the little pieces left behind from other mountain girl creations.”

why, that DOES make me feel unique and special!.”

Rate this comment: +16

Jun 16, 2010
4:47 pm

#17 sudabaki©®™ Esq., L.L.C. (Patent Pending) :

These are so silly. Everyone knows feral mountain girls don’t have internet access to buy them.

Rate this comment: +95

Jun 16, 2010
4:52 pm

#18 pplrdum :

But wouldn’t they look fantastic with the Loseralls?!?

The carnie folk must be scrambling to get their hands on these!

Rate this comment: +33

Jun 16, 2010
4:53 pm

#19 Patty has been abducted by an Alien :

I didn’t know people could bite their own toenails.

Rate this comment: +69

Jun 16, 2010
4:54 pm

#20 Travelgrrl :

Just don’t wear them jaywalking in Seattle. You’ll get worse than a Regretsy beatdown.

Rate this comment: +17

Jun 16, 2010
4:54 pm

#21 LeeLooDallas :

Tread-bare.

Rate this comment: +17

Jun 16, 2010
4:58 pm

#22 WANNA POST ALL NIGHT :

mountain girls are barefoot maniacs

Rate this comment: +5

Jun 16, 2010
4:58 pm

#23 Carol Hiller :

properly filed.

Rate this comment: +4

Jun 16, 2010
5:02 pm

#24 leftfoot :

seattle beatdown? feral mountain folk? the feet puns?

Y’all’ve made my shitty day.

Rate this comment: +8

Jun 16, 2010
5:04 pm

#25 leftfoot :

Scratch that. Extreme Poodles on TLC has just made my shitty day.

(sorry!)

Rate this comment: +7

Jun 16, 2010
5:04 pm

#26 Skully :

To paraphrase Led Zep/Black Dog:
I don’t know, but I been told
Mountain girl sandals ain’t got no soles

Rate this comment: +48

Jun 16, 2010
5:08 pm

#27 HomeAlone :

It’s the Un-Shoe. Upcycled hemp-sexy paired with the Loveralls. A granola-munchin, tree-huggin, glass pipe smokin’, blond dreadlock sportin’, suburban hippie teenage boy’s wet dream.

Rate this comment: +13

Jun 16, 2010
5:11 pm

#28 a~d :

“every snippet of lace fabric and string” are saved, and by saved, i mean saved from the dumpster at AC Moores’.

Rate this comment: +11

Jun 16, 2010
5:16 pm

#29 spandy :

Some of those toenails seem to be foaming.
Even the fly wouldn’t land on these tootsies.

Rate this comment: +15

Jun 16, 2010
5:23 pm

#30 polkadotbananas :

Know what? I save every snippet of lace, fabric and string, too, but I don’t make shit like this out of them. And even if I did, I would paint my toenails first or at the very least wash my feet.

Rate this comment: +27

Jun 16, 2010
5:26 pm

#31 PussDaddy :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -4

Jun 16, 2010
5:28 pm

#32 redredred :

Sweetie, you are not a Mountain Girl. If you wore those while climbing any sort of mountain, your feet would be torn to pieces.

Oh, sorry, they’d be torn to “peaces”.

Rate this comment: +46

Jun 16, 2010
5:32 pm

#33 Wilma Fingerdoo :

Sadly, your feet will no longer be beautiful, Mountain Girl, if you wear shitty scraps of fabric on your feet. They will be dirty, cut, and callused.
Maybe you can use the money you make to buy a pumice stone and some organic, fair trade bandages.

Rate this comment: +18

Jun 16, 2010
5:32 pm

#34 PussDaddy :

Good Lord, she sold some of them before too, and after being on those gnarly feet.

Rate this comment: +8

Jun 16, 2010
5:36 pm

#35 Calophi :

I hate the concept of barefoot sandals. There are a few knit and crochet patterns for them, but I honestly don’t see the point!

Rate this comment: +15

Jun 16, 2010
5:37 pm

#36 HelenaHandbasket :

Ew, ew, ew-whomever is high enough to buy these will need to don them AFTER her nasty encrusted tootsies modeled them. I’d rather they stuck a dick in it!

Rate this comment: +9

Jun 16, 2010
5:38 pm

#37 PussDaddy :

Maybe she wasn’t barefoot to begin with and her feet just chewed right thru the soles of those suckers.

Rate this comment: +24

Jun 16, 2010
5:39 pm

#38 sudabaki©®™ Esq., L.L.C. (Patent Pending) :

Barefoot sandals are oxyMORONIC.

Rate this comment: +23

Jun 16, 2010
5:40 pm

#39 PussDaddy :

You would have to be moronic to wear those.

Rate this comment: +3

Jun 16, 2010
5:40 pm

#40 razberries :

“beautiful feet!”
where?

Rate this comment: +12

Jun 16, 2010
5:41 pm

#41 hamoza :

I think I figured out what these things are-foot fascinators.Useless & usually completely ridiculous.

Rate this comment: +19

Jun 16, 2010
5:43 pm

#42 PussDaddy :

I thought they might be foot flatinators, hamoza, due to no arch support.

Rate this comment: +11

Jun 16, 2010
5:49 pm

#43 MyEyesMyEyes :

Will someone please buy a pair so that she can afford a pedicure? Does the modeled pair come with a free blood sample from the cut on her leg? If she were a real mountain girl she would have more hair on her legs.

Rate this comment: +7

Jun 16, 2010
5:51 pm

#44 IscreamUscream :

She should cross-sell a good pair of surgical tweezers so you can dig all the crap out of your feet.

Rate this comment: +1

Jun 16, 2010
6:02 pm

#45 LeeLooDallas :

http://www.etsy.com/listing/45705531/tree-of-life-in-peru-eco-upcycled-tshirt?ref=v1_other_2

Rate this comment: +7

Jun 16, 2010
6:06 pm

#46 hamoza :

@LeeLoo, hahaha that is fuglaaay.
Sorta’ like a skants wannabe.

Rate this comment: +5

Jun 16, 2010
6:07 pm

#47 IscreamUscream :

LeeLoo–that’s just Perude.

Rate this comment: +3

Jun 16, 2010
6:07 pm

#48 LeeLooDallas :

Ham – I wonder if it’s originally from Saks.. I mean Sacks!

Rate this comment: +5

Jun 16, 2010
6:09 pm

#49 Esmeralda_m :

Do I smell a “Portland Week” theme here? Or is that just armpits, pot, and hummus?

Rate this comment: +9

Jun 16, 2010
6:12 pm

#50 hamoza :

Yeah LeeLoo, Sacks basement down by the river….

Rate this comment: +2

Jun 16, 2010
6:16 pm

#51 starrydreams :

Footwear for the homeless!

Rate this comment: 0

Jun 16, 2010
6:20 pm

#52 hamoza :

#49@ Esmerelda- ‘armpits pot & hummus’?
2 out of 3 of them aint bad.

Rate this comment: +4

Jun 16, 2010
6:26 pm

#53 kirstenrana :

This shop gives me a headache. Reminds me way too much of street fairs in Eugene.
Friggin neo-hippies.

Rate this comment: +10

Jun 16, 2010
6:30 pm

#54 mitzimoosie :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -5

Jun 16, 2010
6:42 pm

#55 Buzzkill To Teenagers :

#19 Patty – my ex-wife-in-law bites her toenails. (but that wasn’t the reason my husband divorced her, I’m sorry to say).

the only purpose I can imagine these “foot adornments” used for is some sort of wannabe bondage accessory. But I don’t think they’d hold up under actual use.

Rate this comment: +1

Jun 16, 2010
6:43 pm

#56 beqi :

I bet that chick gets lockjaw every WEEK.

Rate this comment: +8

Jun 16, 2010
6:43 pm

#57 Vile & Evil Debbie Downer :

‘Barefoot sandals’? Is that a euphemism for ‘pretend sandals’?

Rate this comment: +7

Jun 16, 2010
6:46 pm

#58 hamoza :

‘Hello. I’m happy to introduce some mountain girl yada yada…’
At least we weren’t introduced in the first person like we were to the embellished denim torso handbag thingy featured here last week.

Rate this comment: +5

Jun 16, 2010
6:51 pm

#59 janncri :

Having been a barefoot hippie mountain girl in my day, let me say (1) don’t go barefoot in the fucking mountains, moron; (2) I’ll just get my toe fungus at the gym; and (3) is that a damn orange sack with bottom cut out? WTF?

Rate this comment: +15

Jun 16, 2010
6:59 pm

#60 beaglemixtape :

This is ALMOST as annoying as Sticky Sandals…almost.

http://www.stickysandals.com/

Rate this comment: +4

Jun 16, 2010
7:21 pm

#61 HermesGoddess :

That shit looks like makeshift bandages. Which, come to think of it, would probably really come in handy once you cut your feet into oblivion on those “mountain rocks”.

Rate this comment: +1

Jun 16, 2010
7:27 pm

#62 Patty has been abducted by an Alien :

You would think I’d learn NOT to click the links y’all post as a reply to the ridiculous and ugly.

I end up seeing supercalifragaridiculous and FUG-ugly!

Its my fault. I trust you and you take advantage of that trust.

You sadistic jerks.

Rate this comment: +14

Jun 16, 2010
7:52 pm

#63 hamoza :

Just imagine how fresh that white scalloped material will look after an hour of walking around on either a dusty dirty garden path or filthy polluted city street.

Rate this comment: +4

Jun 16, 2010
8:50 pm

#64 knitvincible :

#55 Buzzkill To Teenagers – “my ex-wife-in-law” Now there’s something I’ve never heard before!

#60 beaglemixtape – Holy shit you guys, we are missing out on so much money by not getting into the Selling Crap to Idiots business!

Also, notice how she says “your beautiful feet” not MY beautiful feet.

Rate this comment: +4

Jun 16, 2010
9:12 pm

#65 MargaretMaggieMay :

Oh noo
the last thing I expected to see on my daily check of regretsy was my little toes that apparently no one likes but the truth is
I knew you all would catch me someday…making something…ridiculous =)
-Margaret at Mountain Girl Clothing
and okay fine..next time I’ll get a pedicure I promise!
but come on….on the beach maybe? no? okay.

Rate this comment: +40

Jun 16, 2010
9:31 pm

#66 Recovering Crack Baby :

The first thing I noticed was that cut on her leg and thought people are buying staph infections now.

Rate this comment: +3

Jun 16, 2010
9:42 pm

#67 hamoza :

@Margaret~busted grrrl,congratulations Regretsy style!I hope you sell them to a happy beachgoer.

Rate this comment: +15

Jun 16, 2010
9:56 pm

#68 JD :

I actually found it rather humorous that right next to this was an ad for “Plasticland” with about five kinds of “real” shoes displayed.

Rate this comment: +2

Jun 16, 2010
11:06 pm

#69 IscreamUscream :

@margaretmaggiemay
Glad you dropped by and played along!

Rate this comment: +16

Jun 17, 2010
12:33 am

#70 Stripsleaze :

i have to confess that i made a pair of these (i admit i was *really* bored) but mine looked like foot jewellery, instead of those monstrosities! :3

Rate this comment: -1

Jun 17, 2010
12:39 am

#71 Stripsleaze :

oh, and barefoot sandals are designed to wear on the beach – there’s a few websites that make them (proper ones, with real stitching!) for people who are getting married on a beach and don’t want to wear shoes (in case you sink i guess) but the ones on those website are actually well-made, colour co-ordinated, and made out of gemstones instead of leftover scraps of awful material

Rate this comment: +1

Jun 17, 2010
1:23 am

#72 mountaingirl6324 :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -28

Jun 17, 2010
1:27 am

#73 Helen Killer :

MOUNTAIN GIRL FIGHT

Rate this comment: +39

Jun 17, 2010
1:47 am

#74 Dynomoose :

#65 MargaretMaggieMay, some of your things are very cute.

Rate this comment: +10

Jun 17, 2010
4:36 am

#75 MargaretMaggieMay :

#72 mountaingirl6324
Wow people get pretty personal on this thing, huh?
and its actually $120 to join the Mountain Girl Club

Rate this comment: +29

Jun 17, 2010
6:00 am

#76 HermesGoddess :

Holy shit, HK, I just choked on my kashi with #73 there.

Rate this comment: +5

Jun 17, 2010
6:17 am

#77 Wilma Fingerdoo :

I put my wager on MargaretMaggieMay. Plus, *Wannabe Mountain Whore* sounds like it would be more fun than dirty footed Mountain Girl.
MMM sounds Irish and I think with a little liquid encouragement, she could beat the granola out of Mountain Girl. Being Irish, I can say these things…

Rate this comment: +16

Jun 17, 2010
7:17 am

#78 takilasunrise :

#35 Calophi :
I hate the concept of barefoot sandals. There are a few knit and crochet patterns for them, but I honestly don’t see the point!
******************
I think that about thong underwear! What’s the point of bothering to wear them? You don’t want panty lines but there’s not enough fabric to cover the essentials…….

Rate this comment: +9

Jun 17, 2010
7:25 am

#79 xspeddler :

How come nobody has noticed what a lovely outfit the Suede Strap Peaced Sandals, Loveralls and Poncho Headress would make?

Rate this comment: +9

Jun 17, 2010
8:22 am

#80 monadnockglassarts :

Barefoot sandals are somewhat of a misnomer, referring to straps or jewelry such as anklets and toe rings that have no sole. barefoot sandals originated in South Asia and are popularly worn at religious festivities and events primarily for decoration rather than protection.

I kinda like them. I think with the right outfit they could be very sexy. I would like to see more glass beads incorporated in them though.

Rate this comment: +6

Jun 17, 2010
8:28 am

#81 TooManyCookbooks :

Yeah, have fun with those in the mountains. Don’t know about the mountains the seller is thinking of, but the mountains where I live have snakes, sharp rocks, brambles, mud and other features that make actual shoes very attractive.

Rate this comment: +3

Jun 17, 2010
8:30 am

#82 MAG :

After looking at this…technically, a toe tag for a cadaver would also qualify as footwear?

Rate this comment: +8

Jun 17, 2010
8:46 am

#83 craftycoug :

On days when I have a bad crafting experience, thank God for Regretsy and crafts like this.

Rate this comment: +5

Jun 17, 2010
8:53 am

#84 djdascool :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -4

Jun 17, 2010
9:26 am

#85 Skully :

@#66 RCB and 73 HK: 2 mountain girls/1 cut.

Rate this comment: +8

Jun 17, 2010
10:52 am

#86 amazon :

To go with your tie skirt: http://www.etsy.com/listing/49593498/orange-marmalade-upcycled-tshirt-cowl

Rate this comment: -2

Jun 17, 2010
10:53 am

#87 SuperSnark :

I just like everyone else am grossed out by the nasty toenails and sheer BS of this item, but a someone who sews shit Mountain Girl needs to:

1) Learn how to properly use a damn serger-it’s not a toy MG!

2) Learn how to back-stitch to lock a seam, random stoned squigglies like on the toe straps won’t hold a NY minute in Seattle or the Mountains!

Sorry shit like that bugs me it’s sewing not Rocket Science buy sewing for dummies or take a damn class.

Rate this comment: +1

Jun 17, 2010
9:24 pm

#88 lilc :

Back in the day, the headshop lady sold these. She called them “The Sole is your Own” sandals…

Rate this comment: +9

Jun 18, 2010
7:32 am

#89 MargaretMaggieMay :

#87 Wow thanks for the “sewing advice” that you put so nicely in that beautiful list for me….I’ll be sure to print it out and hang it above my sewing machine table for future reference…I’ll even frame it!

ps. if you’d like a bag of my toenail clippings since you love my toes so much, I’ll send em to you…..CONVO me! =)
<3

Rate this comment: +10

Jun 18, 2010
1:47 pm

#90 val :

those toe thingies would bug me..and if she sews that much, shouldn’t she try to match using white thread to the white eyelet?

Rate this comment: 0

Jun 20, 2010
7:31 pm

#91 shitmyexsaid :

“Barefoot sandals?” I wondered if such a thing actually exists outside the fuckery of Etsy. Lo and behold…

http://www.barefootsandals.com/

Rate this comment: +1

Jun 21, 2010
5:29 pm

#92 steamcat5 :

#60 beaglemixtape This is ALMOST as annoying as Sticky Sandals…almost.
http://www.stickysandals.com/

Let me say, that 1) I know that my feet are ugly, but nowhere near as ugly as those, but I would never use my feet to model anything and 2) a huge WTF on the Stickysandals. Thanks for sharing, Ihad never sen those before, but I mean, WHO actually *likes* something constantly sticking to the bottom of their entire foot? Even if those DID work more than once? Yikes!

Rate this comment: 0

Jun 23, 2010
9:57 pm

#93 VagtasticSPRHRO :

So, my mom used to make things like this.. they were all of thread/string, and braided or knotted.. which isn’t to say they are any ‘better’.. but it’s the truth.. good God, the shame I feel admitting this.. hey, maybe we can make a few bucks..

Rate this comment: 0