ATTENTION WHORES!
Hello Attention Whores!
I wanted to let you douchelings know that you just helped cancer survivor Drea raise over $2800 for the American Cancer Society Relay for Life.
Drea’s goal was $1000 when she started a thread on Etsy looking for help. Fortunately, a bunch of super professional sellers were able to take time out of their busy schedules of not selling anything to rip her a new asshole, and that’s where you came in!
You people kicked in over $1500 in auction proceeds, book royalties and direct donations. You should be ashamed! Or as they say in the Etsy forums . . .
I hope you’re all suitably embarrassed by your kindness and generosity. I know I am. Or I would be, if I wasn’t such a whore! La la la la!
But just in case you aren’t done humiliating yourself, take a look at this:
Drea has put together an amazing basket of Regretsy-inspired crapola that is now on Ebay, and will only be on Ebay for 24 hours. It’s so chock full of fuckery that it makes me want to hang mermaid clips on my nipples and upcyclce some sweatpants.
Here’s who donated handmade objects for this auction:
Hi Bird
Razberries Designs
Morticia Snow
Jazz Elwood
Yummy Pancake
Scrumptious Delight
Cappy Sue
Absolutely Small
Drea Bunny
That’s right – they sat down and painted, crocheted, embroidered or otherwise created products to sell for this effort. Oh sure, it’s more productive to sit around all day, coming up with new ways to say “poo-poo”, but we can’t all be front page material!
Click here for the Ebay auction, and bid on a steaming pile of craft!
SAD NEWS
The deadbeat ass bag who won the Regretsy Cut-Out Cat earrings on 5/24 has skipped out on the deal. I will never understand people who win charity auctions and then just blow off their promise, but that’s between them and Cthulhu.
I’ve already advanced the $71 to Drea’s fund, so this actually gives us an opportunity to raise even more money. Let’s turn this into a positive.
Send me your best offer on these earrings via email by midnight tonight (PST), and I’ll send them to the highest bidder. You can donate directly to Drea’s fund if you like, and as soon as you’ve paid, I’ll throw the earrings in the mail for you.
Happy bidding!
June 11, 2010 at 4:08 pm
Cool! Good luck, Drea!
Why would someone bid and not pay? Maybe it was “some idiot”…those earrings are cute, I am sure they will find a good home
June 11, 2010 at 4:08 pm
Does the flip flop hat come with the earrings? Cuz if so, I’m in.
June 11, 2010 at 4:09 pm
LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!!!!
I mean, yes… very nice… Congrats on all the funds raised.
June 11, 2010 at 4:10 pm
Oh wow!
Um… I make jewelry.. I’d be glad to donate a pin or something if that’s still an option? I don’t know if anyone would bid.
June 11, 2010 at 4:10 pm
Mini cancer April is SO FUCKING CUTE!!! Raz rules.
June 11, 2010 at 4:10 pm
I guess Cthulhu’s ass-monkey doesn’t want to be your charity whore. Good on you, ass-monkey. Don’t let a binding contract tell you how to live your life.
June 11, 2010 at 4:12 pm
“I’ve already advanced the $71 to Drea’s fund”
Jesus H. Macy, could you be anymore of a whoring bitch??! I can’t believe some people.
June 11, 2010 at 4:13 pm
You attention whores rock. Fuck the haters.
June 11, 2010 at 4:16 pm
This is awesome. I hope Drea stomps out cancer as she is out there walking her ass off.
June 11, 2010 at 4:16 pm
Clearly, this reneging cockmonkey wanted the good feeling of doing charity without the actual doing of charity. I say we hunt this person down and publicly shame them by making them pose for Etsy photos with poorly-made crafts and badly-written descriptions.
June 11, 2010 at 4:25 pm
attention whores. Hooh-ahs, I tells ya! (Convo me for pics of my engoreged nipples).
April 6, 2011 at 3:33 pm
Why don’t we just save those for the next charity Regretsy auction?
June 11, 2010 at 4:27 pm
If being an attention whore = being a hilarious and kind-hearted person, then April you are the Whoriest Whore that ever Whored. Whore it up baby!!
June 11, 2010 at 4:31 pm
Who’s the “hack comedian”? Bronc spread the rumor that April/Ann/Helen has lady parts.
June 11, 2010 at 4:35 pm
It was very charitable of you to post something long and wordy to push that fugly toe way down, btw. Maybe you’re not such a whore after all.
June 11, 2010 at 4:40 pm
Helen – Can items be submitted any time for future auctions?
June 11, 2010 at 4:41 pm
Oh, how I love the snarky attention whores of Regretsy with hearts of gold.
June 11, 2010 at 4:47 pm
Helen we love to come to your web based home of whores everyday. I hope you will stay awhile and keep your rates free. I LOVE ATTENTION WHORES.
June 11, 2010 at 4:51 pm
#15 LeeLooDallas :
Helen – Can items be submitted any time for future auctions?
I also want to know that. For when I get off my lazy ass and actually make something whore-worthy.
June 11, 2010 at 4:51 pm
Namaste bitches, hos & pimp pimp whoray.
June 11, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Yes! Yes! Yes!
You can always send stuff. I usually collect it until I have enough to auction off or do something fun with.
Regretsy
4570 Van Nuys Boulevard
Box 118
Sherman Oaks, CA 91403
June 11, 2010 at 5:00 pm
I hope that basket contains the needed items for a whore’s bath, cause you just cleaned their dirty, dumbass clocks.
June 11, 2010 at 5:01 pm
Oh damn, it’s summer and the kid is nearly out of school. I’ve run out of excuses for not getting an Etsy store up. Now with the added desire to contribute something I’d better get on it.
June 11, 2010 at 5:10 pm
The scowl on that horse’s ass is familiar somehow
Please, have some decency and cover that mug up!
YAYYY for Drea’s auction!
June 11, 2010 at 5:11 pm
And my mom always told me whoring around would never make any money…
This headline should have read “Attention, Whores!”
June 11, 2010 at 5:13 pm
I am excited to have been called a “doucheling”. How charming and full of whimsy that name is!
June 11, 2010 at 5:14 pm
thanks, Kit! ♥
ps- I’m a whore, too, but not quite as much as “some idiot”
June 11, 2010 at 5:21 pm
Way to go Drea!
How very grand that so many folks came together so many different ways to help. Well except of course the earring heel.
April you and your minions of attention whores all rock.
June 11, 2010 at 5:29 pm
Great job on all the money raised! The basket looks like lots of handmade fun.
June 11, 2010 at 6:22 pm
Fantastic! I’m thrilled for Drea and the winners (who actually paid) who now have cool fuckery and a warm fuzzy feeling. Thank you Helen for doing what you do and being who you are, unapologetically.
June 11, 2010 at 8:40 pm
dear Some Idiot, that’s weed-whacked comedian to you, aight?
and another thing: whores have been helping make this planet a better place since Gilgamesh, so suck it.
NOBODY PUTS BABY IN A CORNER!
June 11, 2010 at 9:29 pm
starts and communal “FUCK YEA”
and then dances off to unicorn farts and etsyhole stank.
June 11, 2010 at 9:34 pm
PS. I’m not on etsy, but I’d love to give some photog prints (totally within regretsy spririt, too). Seriously, I have some pretty dark, sarcastic shit and I’d love to give it away. I’m not gonna get all linky, (although I’ve been drinking gin so I wanna) but I’d love for someone to offer some random money for my crap for charity.
ps. ramble ramble ramble.
June 11, 2010 at 9:44 pm
Great! Just sign me,
Proudly whoring for 40 years….
June 11, 2010 at 10:49 pm
I have something to donate! I make fabric covered baby wipes cases
I should get some spoonflower fabric! I haven’t made any for profit thus far..I’ve donated all proceeds to the March of Dimes..I’d love to help here too 
I am SUCH an attention WHORE!
June 12, 2010 at 2:36 am
Well what do you expect? Half of them in ETC half yeast infections, crabs, crotch rot, and other STD’s if you read Closed Threads
http://closedthreads.blogspot.com/
Syphilis left untreated makes you crazy I have heard. I told those bitches to stay off of webster’s dick but did they listen? Hell no. So now they have crotches full of gangrene & fucked up brain cells, and it’s not like they have brain cells to waste like some of us.
June 12, 2010 at 3:01 am
And I really wish they would stop leaving their nasty drawers laying around
http://www.regretsy.com/2010/06/10/the-sharter-side-of-sears/
June 12, 2010 at 3:49 am
Forgive me for misspelling “half” up there preceding yeast infections. I am sure from reading their stuff that they are much more than half infected.
June 12, 2010 at 5:46 am
Ohh awesome I would love to donate for future regretsy auctions!
June 12, 2010 at 6:44 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 12, 2010 at 7:12 am
I am so totally sending you some crap I make. I want attention too! Just the CHANCE to see you model it is worth it!
June 12, 2010 at 7:20 am
I just finished making some wrench based jewelry for a girlfriends’ surgery benefit auction so I am already keyed up.
PS – She is a not yet recovered punk girl who needs money for a histerectomy and has no health insurance. Bless her, she’s quit smoking and drinking and after her surgery she should be back to whoring.
June 12, 2010 at 10:32 am
#34 busybody : dibs on the dingleberry one, whenever the hell I get mine.
June 12, 2010 at 10:36 am
#41 3InReverse : Many people do not know, unless they have had the privelage to work in health care, that their are sliding fees and free help right at the hospital. ASK.ASK.ASK. Their should also be help available through the State or County for those not eligible for a medicare or medicaid program. It is usually located at your County Courthouse and is usually called county relief or something to that nature. If you keep asking people from different depts. in the Court House they can get you
June 12, 2010 at 10:39 am
43 cont. or call your local Department of Human Services or CPS whatever your State calls it. I worked for the DHS here and the County, anyhoo in our State you have to travel to Iowa City to get the free surgery if you are income eligible. Also, while I am on a roll, if you are elderly, disabled and recieve any government assitance you are eligible for a discount on your phone as well. The lady at the Court house, Lois L., hated me when I found that out and had 30 people calling her in one day
June 12, 2010 at 10:40 am
fUCK ME- NOW I AM BEHAVING WHOREISH- THANKS KILLER
June 12, 2010 at 11:41 am
#45 Thanks RCB (Whirling whoreish)! I believe she is trying to find out more info – we have been making suggestions and I will forward yours to her as well. She is in Atlanta so I haven’t a clue what is available there. I have a nurse friend who isa also helping. Surgery is July 13th.
June 12, 2010 at 11:52 am
It’s not handmade, but it’s hand-designed, and it’s from me to you for bulking out the next charity auction: a ready-to-sign-and-mail birthday card, featuring a pair of gay kittens all tucked into bed.
June 12, 2010 at 2:48 pm
#41 3InReverse : I had a partial a few years back. My best to the both of you. It makes the whoring easier, though. The cost of abortions will go down immensely.
June 12, 2010 at 3:36 pm
My name is Stretch and I am a proud Regretsky man-whore!!
June 12, 2010 at 5:52 pm
#46 3InReverse : Welcome!! Call the Hospital first thing Monday and ask about uninsured, medically needy programs. Thyen call DHS and Court House for your county relief. Get the ball rollin’ everywhere. They also help with meds.
June 12, 2010 at 6:13 pm
Holy moly, I won the earrings! I am beside myself with excitement! Now all I need is a Sharpie mustache, a flip-flop hat, and some fuck you gloves and I’ll be all set! For what, I’m not sure. Seems too formal for the office.
June 12, 2010 at 6:48 pm
@#51- Congrats on winning the earrings!
YAY! for Drea!
June 12, 2010 at 9:31 pm
I don’t get it. Who complains about a “charitable whore?”
Only a fool.
Take what you can get and consider yourself lucky!
June 13, 2010 at 7:17 am
what struck me as funny this morning is, i finally am sticking to learning to run because of the charity 5Ks. I was with hundreds of other people who also wanted to beat their own times, improve as runners, be competitive and whore a bit for a good cause. i’ll own it. if not for a lot of vanity, i might not be raising money and getting healthier. thumbs down if you must. whoring is only another word for nothing left to lose
June 13, 2010 at 9:22 pm
I love the heading: “How do you mock charity work?”
Then the ass proceeds to mock charity work.
Tha hole thing is whorific!
June 14, 2010 at 7:02 am
“It’s so chock full of fuckery that it makes me want to hang mermaid clips on my nipples and upcycle some sweatpants.”
I just choked on my coffee! (Nice userpic, too!)
Wait, I thought the “tart with a heart” was a classic figure in literature. You’ve joined the ranks of Fantine and Nancy and Sonya; all whores with hearts of gold.
June 14, 2010 at 7:27 am
Dammit. One of these charity event thingies I’m going to donate something, because I’m going to find out in time.