Bullshit, indeed! You can see 500 of these “handmade” soy candle stands within two blocks of each other on South Congress here in Austin. These things are as handmade as toilet paper.
I am so confudsed… Do children put unicorns into a shed on the solstice? (isn’t that what “shedded” means?) And why aren’t the candles rainbow-jizz colored?
and if this person is going to make past-tense verbs by adding “-ed” to other verbs, why aren’t the horns grinded and maded into this magical scent?
My other half and Father-in-law are insurance adjusters, one of their many trades. ANYWHO- we are not allowed to have candles as they are the biggest cause of fires around here.
I just had the conversation in my head…telling your adjuster the unicorn horns started the fire.
I don’t know what’s REALLY in these candles, but if it’s so much as making this person even remotely THINK it’s unicorn, horn, there’s enough halucinogenic in there to drop a small town.
What a goddamn liar, this isn’t made out of unicorn horns EVERYONE knows unicorn horns sparkle.
BTW I have a friend who–I shit you not–believed until her 30s that unicorns are real animals, you just don’t see them very often…”you know, like zebras”. Granted, she is from Queens, but you still can’t make this shit up.
how dare you reveal sacred unicorn and solistice secrets on so base a forum as etsy!
you’ll be hearing from the garden gnome and wood nymph association – there will be fines and penalties…
marked my wordeds….fines and penalties.
I’m appalled that they would openly admit to using child labor! And they must be using children because of the danger involved in collecting anything from a horny animal. For SHAME!
If they don’t come with a wand that has been lodged up a herd of unicorns asses for a minimum of a thousand years, then they can’t be too terribly rare.
I have that straight out of the ass of her most high horses holiness herself.
According to Dictionary.com, Fantasy means a hallucination. I think this person has been inhaling too many patchouli fumes.
The “shedded” and “grinded” uses bother the crap out of me.
#28- bwaaaahhhaaaahhh
Holy Crap! Did anyone else see the list of her “fragrances” at the end of her description. And we are told that if we can’t find the one we want to convo her, because she has 700 fragrances.
Also cruising through her store, revealingly, she has candles scented with “Over the Hill” also. I’m smelling a combo of despair, depends, pannus sweat, and gold bond powder.
Words that make my eye twitch thanks to pretentious Etsy sellers:
Unicorn
Fairy (And all other spelling variations)
Magical
Mystical
Waaa laaa! (And all other incorrect spelling variations)
Vagina
Vulva
Uterus
Ovaries
Before my eye never stops twitching, I want all Etsy sellers to acquire the following things: Dictionary, Thesaurus, a book of common French words and phrases, and a firm grasp of reality.
Oh, I forgot a word. Sexy. It seems that to Etsy sellers, anything and everything is sexy. It can be a steaming turd on a stick. They’ll describe it as Sexy and tell me it’s an Elephant turd from their soul searching trip in Africa and it helped heal them, and, as a result, love their vulva.
@bosco12 Now *I* want a unicorndog, too! Do you think they sell those at Hot Dog on a Stick? Or just at the secret, magical locations in the faerie woods?
Issues I have:
If it smells like honey, why don’t you just call it HONEY????
Why would I want to burn out my nose hairs????
I am really uncomfortable with “Essence of Jesus”.
There is NO bayleaf or pepper in bayleaf and pepper.
Now I know how the whimsical, magical, mystical ren fair militia spend the off season.
WTF? she has an alien scented candle…so does it smell like greys, the little green men or those mean fuckers with the acid for blood that kill on sight?…specifics people.
#17, Jenny, you crack me up. I would give ANYTHING for a unicorn horn dildo. And no way would I be hiding it away in my bedroom – that shit would be front and centre on my dining table.
If I was a unicorn & knew this was going to happen, I’d have deserted the planet too, for the galaxies of unrequitted pain & frustration.
Gotta be better than this disrespect.
very late to the party but nonetheless BROTFL over how HK can get more out of a SINGLE WORD delivered by pixels than the rest of us can in person with a great script.
Lets all bow our heads now for the poor people out there somewhere related to this ditz and therefore suffer xmas and birthdays with Aunty dewmoonflower year after year foulin up the smell of cooked turkey with dry retch pickled patchouli
@67, right , the dry retch patchouli strain is fowl but there is patchouli & there is patchouli.
A subtle authentic & nicely blended patchouli is not an oxymoron.
Personally , the smell of turkey you mentioned, or any cooking flesh,turns my stomach.
June 10, 2010 at 9:34 am
Is there anything Babel Fish CAN’T translate?
March 23, 2011 at 9:54 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qDsqPaJht0
June 10, 2010 at 9:36 am
so these horns were shedded LAST summer? pfft. I only buy fresh shredded unicorn horn candles.
June 10, 2010 at 9:37 am
Children are shredded during summer solstice?!?
June 10, 2010 at 9:38 am
Sometimes you just don’t ‘come back’ from that last LSD trip….
June 10, 2010 at 9:38 am
I bet this person has way more ceramic cats than the ones in the picture.
June 10, 2010 at 9:38 am
You know, after my stay in Costa Rica and Northern Panama, I wrote a lot of poetry in Spanish…
This is more pretentious than that.
June 10, 2010 at 9:39 am
Bullshit, indeed! You can see 500 of these “handmade” soy candle stands within two blocks of each other on South Congress here in Austin. These things are as handmade as toilet paper.
June 10, 2010 at 9:39 am
# #3 Thanks…I now have coffee all over my unicorn horn keyboard.
June 10, 2010 at 9:39 am
I thought Patchouli was collected off hippies when the Phish show falls on the night of new moon in the first month following the Equinox.
June 10, 2010 at 9:41 am
Unicorns? I’m pretty sure this violates the Kyoto Protocol…
June 10, 2010 at 9:42 am
Me at refridgerator: “What’s in this container? WHEW! I think this potato salad went bad. It smells magical!“
June 10, 2010 at 9:43 am
grinded and shedded?
June 10, 2010 at 9:44 am
Unicorn Shit I say!!! (way more mystical than horse shit, which this special ingredient professes to be)
June 10, 2010 at 9:47 am
Soy what??!!!!
June 10, 2010 at 9:49 am
Goddammit. I went to the bottom to see the scent descriptions, and it just says the same thing for “unicorn horn.”
I was also going to buy one of these candles, because, hey, 75ยข, but…shipping is $5. Fuck that shit.
June 10, 2010 at 9:50 am
I am so confudsed… Do children put unicorns into a shed on the solstice? (isn’t that what “shedded” means?) And why aren’t the candles rainbow-jizz colored?
and if this person is going to make past-tense verbs by adding “-ed” to other verbs, why aren’t the horns grinded and maded into this magical scent?
June 10, 2010 at 9:50 am
Yeah, if unicorns shed their horns, they should be sold as dildos, not shredded up and put in candles. But that wouldn’t be homemade
June 10, 2010 at 9:51 am
What a liar. Everyone knows unicorn horn smells like ass.
June 10, 2010 at 9:56 am
Damn hippie faeries, still trying to pawn off stale farts.
June 10, 2010 at 9:56 am
Now I want a unicorndog. Mmmmmm
June 10, 2010 at 10:01 am
Shit…..BRB..I gotta go water my Unicorns.
June 10, 2010 at 10:03 am
My other half and Father-in-law are insurance adjusters, one of their many trades. ANYWHO- we are not allowed to have candles as they are the biggest cause of fires around here.
I just had the conversation in my head…telling your adjuster the unicorn horns started the fire.
June 10, 2010 at 10:04 am
The seller’s description really bugs me its too unicorny
June 10, 2010 at 10:06 am
I don’t know what’s REALLY in these candles, but if it’s so much as making this person even remotely THINK it’s unicorn, horn, there’s enough halucinogenic in there to drop a small town.
SIGN ME UP!
June 10, 2010 at 10:07 am
From unicorn horn to unicorn smog–I don’t like the sound of that.
June 10, 2010 at 10:09 am
What a goddamn liar, this isn’t made out of unicorn horns EVERYONE knows unicorn horns sparkle.
BTW I have a friend who–I shit you not–believed until her 30s that unicorns are real animals, you just don’t see them very often…”you know, like zebras”. Granted, she is from Queens, but you still can’t make this shit up.
June 10, 2010 at 10:10 am
PS, “grinded” is not a word. Ya goddamn liar.
June 10, 2010 at 10:13 am
how dare you reveal sacred unicorn and solistice secrets on so base a forum as etsy!
you’ll be hearing from the garden gnome and wood nymph association – there will be fines and penalties…
marked my wordeds….fines and penalties.
June 10, 2010 at 10:17 am
I’m appalled that they would openly admit to using child labor! And they must be using children because of the danger involved in collecting anything from a horny animal. For SHAME!
June 10, 2010 at 10:24 am
If they don’t come with a wand that has been lodged up a herd of unicorns asses for a minimum of a thousand years, then they can’t be too terribly rare.
I have that straight out of the ass of her most high horses holiness herself.
June 10, 2010 at 10:29 am
According to Dictionary.com, Fantasy means a hallucination. I think this person has been inhaling too many patchouli fumes.
The “shedded” and “grinded” uses bother the crap out of me.
#28- bwaaaahhhaaaahhh
June 10, 2010 at 10:33 am
Holy Crap! Did anyone else see the list of her “fragrances” at the end of her description. And we are told that if we can’t find the one we want to convo her, because she has 700 fragrances.
June 10, 2010 at 10:33 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 10, 2010 at 10:34 am
I personally only burn leprechaun candles…they emit a delightful “Lucky Charms” fragrance, mixed with Guinness
June 10, 2010 at 10:39 am
Also cruising through her store, revealingly, she has candles scented with “Over the Hill” also. I’m smelling a combo of despair, depends, pannus sweat, and gold bond powder.
June 10, 2010 at 10:41 am
greenfuzz- THANKS for the chuckle…at work and that was much needed
June 10, 2010 at 10:46 am
I bet unicorn horns smell like toe jam. Someone call PETA
June 10, 2010 at 10:55 am
Words that make my eye twitch thanks to pretentious Etsy sellers:
Unicorn
Fairy (And all other spelling variations)
Magical
Mystical
Waaa laaa! (And all other incorrect spelling variations)
Vagina
Vulva
Uterus
Ovaries
Before my eye never stops twitching, I want all Etsy sellers to acquire the following things: Dictionary, Thesaurus, a book of common French words and phrases, and a firm grasp of reality.
June 10, 2010 at 11:01 am
Oh, I forgot a word. Sexy. It seems that to Etsy sellers, anything and everything is sexy. It can be a steaming turd on a stick. They’ll describe it as Sexy and tell me it’s an Elephant turd from their soul searching trip in Africa and it helped heal them, and, as a result, love their vulva.
June 10, 2010 at 11:06 am
I always thought that “grinded” unicorn horn was how glitter was made.
June 10, 2010 at 11:12 am
@bosco12 Now *I* want a unicorndog, too! Do you think they sell those at Hot Dog on a Stick? Or just at the secret, magical locations in the faerie woods?
June 10, 2010 at 11:28 am
Me and my dyslexia: I read Unicrons’ horn. Which, granted, is also ludicrous, but way cooler.
June 10, 2010 at 11:37 am
http://i985.photobucket.com/albums/ae338/grinreaper1965/Regretsy/bs.jpg
June 10, 2010 at 11:40 am
#43- Awwww, Skully you slayed me.
June 10, 2010 at 11:40 am
I’m afraid to ask if she also sells rainbow hand lotion made by unicorns.
June 10, 2010 at 11:45 am
hahaha, the translation is too funny.
June 10, 2010 at 11:55 am
Ella es una loca!
June 10, 2010 at 12:08 pm
#34 Hey Razz – I’ve smelled some of those – they smell magically delicious
June 10, 2010 at 12:12 pm
Issues I have:
If it smells like honey, why don’t you just call it HONEY????
Why would I want to burn out my nose hairs????
I am really uncomfortable with “Essence of Jesus”.
There is NO bayleaf or pepper in bayleaf and pepper.
Now I know how the whimsical, magical, mystical ren fair militia spend the off season.
June 10, 2010 at 12:17 pm
SOY BOMB !!
June 10, 2010 at 12:19 pm
WTF? she has an alien scented candle…so does it smell like greys, the little green men or those mean fuckers with the acid for blood that kill on sight?…specifics people.
June 10, 2010 at 12:21 pm
I prefer organic, cruelty-free Boogie Man candles.
June 10, 2010 at 12:21 pm
Forget unicorns, how does she know what an alien smells like?
http://www.etsy.com/listing/42286652/alien-scented-soy-blend-candle-melon-and
@thecatsmeow: more cat figurines!
June 10, 2010 at 12:22 pm
@regretmenot you beat me to it!
June 10, 2010 at 12:25 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 10, 2010 at 1:04 pm
I’m sure that this violates the endangered species act. Someone call US Customs to report illegal import of unicorn parts!
June 10, 2010 at 2:34 pm
#17, Jenny, you crack me up. I would give ANYTHING for a unicorn horn dildo. And no way would I be hiding it away in my bedroom – that shit would be front and centre on my dining table.
June 10, 2010 at 3:15 pm
Never trust a stoned fairy. Everyone knows that unicorn candles are made from unicorn tallow & not soy.
June 10, 2010 at 3:31 pm
If I was a unicorn & knew this was going to happen, I’d have deserted the planet too, for the galaxies of unrequitted pain & frustration.
Gotta be better than this disrespect.
June 10, 2010 at 3:59 pm
very late to the party but nonetheless BROTFL over how HK can get more out of a SINGLE WORD delivered by pixels than the rest of us can in person with a great script.
One word.
June 10, 2010 at 4:15 pm
horns aren’t shed. antlers are shed. i’m a scientist, i know these things.
soylent green may be people, but soy candles are unicorns!
June 10, 2010 at 5:30 pm
Cineaste, excuse me, I hand-make ALL my toilet paper, I’ll have you know.
June 10, 2010 at 6:48 pm
#62, maybe you could collaborate with HI-Bird!
June 10, 2010 at 7:42 pm
Because I couldn’t get the image out of my head, thought I’d share:
http://i990.photobucket.com/albums/af28/sunshynegrll/unicornfrolics.jpg
June 10, 2010 at 8:13 pm
Now with the rich fragrance of dirty hippies and burnt fingernail clippings!
June 10, 2010 at 8:32 pm
@ #38 redredred, not only that, the grammar is making my other eye twitch. So I keep running into shit. *ow*
June 10, 2010 at 10:05 pm
Lets all bow our heads now for the poor people out there somewhere related to this ditz and therefore suffer xmas and birthdays with Aunty dewmoonflower year after year foulin up the smell of cooked turkey with dry retch pickled patchouli
June 10, 2010 at 10:28 pm
@67, right , the dry retch patchouli strain is fowl but there is patchouli & there is patchouli.
A subtle authentic & nicely blended patchouli is not an oxymoron.
Personally , the smell of turkey you mentioned, or any cooking flesh,turns my stomach.
June 10, 2010 at 10:32 pm
well each to his/her own any patchouli makes my head spin sprayin vomit like Linda Blair
June 10, 2010 at 11:40 pm
@hellsbells, My Mother hated it as much as you & forbid it in her house.
June 11, 2010 at 8:56 am
She really ran this one into the grinded.
June 11, 2010 at 9:19 am
Ask and ye shall receive:
Unicorn Dildo
http://whipspiderrubberworks.com/catalog/product_info.php?cPath=21&products_id=35
Me, I’m getting the tentacle one
April 22, 2011 at 10:02 pm
I guess Unicorn shit is blue and waxy.
September 24, 2011 at 9:37 am
Among the MANY stupid things this person said, horns do NOT fall off. They are permanent. Yea, of all the things, that annoyed me the most.