Smears and Roebuck
Product Description:
Leave the “Brief Safe” in plain view in your laundry basket or washing machine at home, or in your suitcase in a hotel room – even the most curious snoop will “skid” to a screeching halt as soon as they see them. (Wouldn’t you?) Made in USA. One size. Color: white (and brown).
The only really surprising thing about this is that I didn’t find it on Etsy, but it’s only a matter of time. I’m sure someone is working on a period stain version right now.
June 10, 2010 at 12:18 pm
You’ve got to be shitting me…
June 10, 2010 at 12:20 pm
LOVE how the 100′s are casually falling out of the faux-fly….
if you had that much cash in your tighty-whities, you’d shit too.
June 10, 2010 at 12:20 pm
I’m proud that they’re made here in the U.S., I only buy American made skid marks.
June 10, 2010 at 12:21 pm
Oh no….I think my brain fell out.
June 10, 2010 at 12:27 pm
These ain’t Boadwee’s briefs, he leaves purple skids.
June 10, 2010 at 12:27 pm
Is it just me, or do they look too small to be worn by an adult man? I don’t think any guy wants to be caught with teenage boy undies.
June 10, 2010 at 12:30 pm
Have to hyjack again……
Remember? http://www.regretsy.com/2010/06/08/pepto-squad/comment-page-2/#comment-56539
I found the perfect model!!!!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/45565328/saffron-70s-printed-mini-dress
June 10, 2010 at 12:33 pm
Excuse me while I wash my hands and my brain.
June 10, 2010 at 12:44 pm
Too funny! You couldn’t make this shit up!!!
June 10, 2010 at 12:44 pm
I guess this is why Sears’ sales are in the toilet.
June 10, 2010 at 12:45 pm
Talk about money laundering
June 10, 2010 at 12:50 pm
I’m more of a boxer skid mark kind of girl.
June 10, 2010 at 12:51 pm
Can I get it in a thong?
June 10, 2010 at 12:52 pm
Now all the thieves are going to be rummaging through skidmarked underpants on the off chance that there’s money hiding in them.
June 10, 2010 at 12:53 pm
Somehow, I don’t think the factory workers making these things think “Life. Well spent” Sears.
June 10, 2010 at 1:03 pm
$12.99! OMG…I must have a fortune sitting in my underwear drawer right now!!!
June 10, 2010 at 1:08 pm
Holy shit, Sears has really hit the skids! Speaking of shit..
Yo Regretsies, I’m really happy for you, omelet you finish, but April Winchell has one of the best websites of all time, so wouldn’t it be fucktastic to see her on TV and add to your whimsicle diet of crap? Join the crusade at http://tinyurl.com/29oatag
* Paid for by bacon eating, rabid circle jerking fans of Helen Killer. And hey, please don’t tell her, let’s make it a secret.
June 10, 2010 at 1:20 pm
How sad, the Sears catalog has devolved into a scatalog.
June 10, 2010 at 1:26 pm
Guess it depends what sort of hotel you stay at, whether this would be a deterrent or an attraction.
June 10, 2010 at 1:28 pm
Sure,it says they’re fake dirty underwear, but I’d bet real money they smell like a unicorns asshole .
June 10, 2010 at 1:33 pm
Rule 34
June 10, 2010 at 1:34 pm
I don’t need your shitty money!!
June 10, 2010 at 1:34 pm
I sooo know what I’m getting my cheap ass ex for his birthday, thanks Regretsy for another invaluable tip.
June 10, 2010 at 1:38 pm
If these ever make an appearance on Etsy, we can finally say with certainity ‘handmade’? Looks like you made ‘em with your ass’….
June 10, 2010 at 1:54 pm
No. Way.
June 10, 2010 at 1:54 pm
@hamoza: I bet these have been soy-led by actual unicorns.
June 10, 2010 at 1:55 pm
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter – YOU got your peanut butter in my chocolate – Since it hasn’t been said in a while these can be use multipurpose
June 10, 2010 at 2:11 pm
Oh crap, I spelled certainty wrong.
My knowledge of crappy shit has exploded since I found Regretsy but my spelling has gone in the toilet.
June 10, 2010 at 2:17 pm
Times are tough but I’m still amazed by the shit people will do to make a buck these days.
June 10, 2010 at 2:18 pm
Oh sure, now they come out with this! After I already spent $14.99 on my Balled-Up-Sweaty-Sock-Safe from Walmart!
June 10, 2010 at 2:25 pm
http://www.mysears.com/shomer-The-quot-Brief-Safe-quot-Fake-Dirty-Underwear-Home-Safe-reviews/topics/Special-Markings/posts
June 10, 2010 at 2:40 pm
Sorry, Sears yanked my post, here’s a screen shot:
http://i985.photobucket.com/albums/ae338/grinreaper1965/Regretsy/Giant-Leaf-Texture.jpg
June 10, 2010 at 2:49 pm
As talented as you are Skully, I bet your wife is an amazing woman. There usually is a great woman
‘behind’ every man(not meaning to cut gay men short(s)
Gives new meanng to the designation- ‘on the lower rear portion’
June 10, 2010 at 2:52 pm
Oh come on – somebody has to be the first to leave a review of these things! Who among us is going to step up to the plate?
June 10, 2010 at 3:03 pm
#34 LeeLooDallas, Skully did and no one can top that! Stupid Sears for yanking it.
June 10, 2010 at 3:03 pm
@#33 Ham: Yes, she’s amazing and I’m amazed she puts up with me.
June 10, 2010 at 3:33 pm
Where can I purchase a can of farts to help “up” the ante on making this safe perfectly convincing?
June 10, 2010 at 3:41 pm
OMG Skully, I laughed so hard at the review that I could barely breathe.
I can’t imagine why the folks at Sears would have taken that down.
June 10, 2010 at 3:43 pm
Now I want to see the ‘high end’ version of this concept, like from Saks Fifth Ave., or Bergdorf Goodman. Should be real classy.
June 10, 2010 at 3:56 pm
do i have to do everything around here?!
http://judaism.about.com/od/glossary/g/meaningofshomer.htm
So you’re saying Jews shit their pants? Whatever, Helen Thomas. – HK
June 10, 2010 at 4:14 pm
@rumi, in this case shomer is short for :
‘show me the merde’ , which means shit in Spanish.
June 10, 2010 at 4:58 pm
I cannot imagine the sweatshop where these are made.
June 10, 2010 at 5:59 pm
HK, I am now shitting my pants laughing. I am Jewish.
Q.E. the frickin D.
June 10, 2010 at 6:01 pm
@hamoza, i speak fluent Spanish, and look where it got me.
June 10, 2010 at 6:13 pm
@rumi monger , hehehe. Small world.
I too am a Jew, speak Spanish , Hebrew & some Arabic. (Didn’t get me shit either) I’d sure like to tell Helen Thomas(who WAS a much needed squeaky wheel, I give her that)in her native Lebanese dialect , that although I loathe what the IDF did with the Gaza flotilla , she should go fuck herself & fuck herself again . CUS -e-muc is Arabic for a not so nice referance to her mamas twat. Bout right.
Sorry for the rant. Not really.
June 10, 2010 at 6:54 pm
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June 10, 2010 at 7:27 pm
@meanie,
AND?
June 10, 2010 at 7:54 pm
@meanie. riiiiight. wow. that totally changes things for me. good catch, meanie!
did you see this yet? it’s on etsy: http://www.etsy.com/listing/49038921/rear-gear-butt-covers-for-your-cat-and
June 10, 2010 at 8:33 pm
Aw, this brings back memories of my brothers’ undies on the bathroom floor…
I can’t begin to match the hilarious comments above, I’ll just say that surprisingly I think some of the magical Regretsy sparkle dust was starting to clear for me the last couple weeks and I just wasn’t getting the same belly laughs, kind of like my South Park fade out… but this just brought it all back. Anything related to toilet humor always does it for me.
June 10, 2010 at 8:41 pm
Why would I pay for something I can get from my SO’s laundry basket free? If said snooper knows that there’s a female staying in the room, this might do double duty in keeping molesters away. The Crying Game Effect.
June 10, 2010 at 9:51 pm
umm my real worry is where are the notes that the ‘inventor’ of this incredible money safe are right now????this pyscho wrapped his cash in REAL shit-stained undies! He wasnt sittin at no desk chewin a pencil thinkin up this idea!!!! Im off to wash my notes.
June 11, 2010 at 4:17 am
Did Sears get hacked again? Last year hackers were able to create “human BBQ grill” on their site and the description was so funny. It took Sears like 2 days to remove it,
June 11, 2010 at 11:05 am
WHY?????
June 12, 2010 at 5:10 pm
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June 14, 2010 at 8:25 am
I can only imagine some poor wife thinking she is reaching for money in the “safe” only to find out she just needs to do the laundry.
August 6, 2010 at 8:44 am
eye bleach! eye bleach!!!!