Breast Stroke – NSFW
Everything about this makes me tired. It’s like a bad Kim Cattrall flashback in Sex and the City 4: The Sarah Lawrence Years.
But you want to slap your tits at a canvas, that’s your business. Just remember that the distance between this and this is another bottle of Zinfandel.
May 25, 2010 at 4:35 pm
After her career as a topless dancer, Pilotpenguin transitioned into topless painting because she felt it was the breast fit.
May 25, 2010 at 4:35 pm
HOLY shit. Where on earth did you find the dude pissing purple paint???
You kill me.
May 25, 2010 at 4:36 pm
Raz, that ain’t piss, baby
May 25, 2010 at 4:36 pm
Oh, my eyes, My EYES!!! Why did I click on that link?
May 25, 2010 at 4:36 pm
EW, nevermind. He is SHITTING the paint.
I stand corrected.
LOL
May 25, 2010 at 4:36 pm
Dear fucking gods. The painting is crap, but the link? What has been seen cannot be unseen dammit!
May 25, 2010 at 4:37 pm
Oh sweet Mary….
I am frightened for what happens if she tries to breast feed.
May 25, 2010 at 4:38 pm
It looks like his blue balls exploded.
May 25, 2010 at 4:38 pm
Well, you did it. You got two, count them – TWO “what the fucks” out of me in one post.
May 25, 2010 at 4:38 pm
GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! I was wondering about the NSFW, and now that I have clicked the link, I know O_O
::vomits::
May 25, 2010 at 4:40 pm
Ok the boob painting look like sponge painted walls at a childrens day care to any one else. All it needs is some creepy little yellow hands or some thing.
As for the other thing ick just fucking ick worst yet that man could be a double for my husband. know what I will be showing him when he gets home.
May 25, 2010 at 4:41 pm
It would have been much better if she’d enlarged the signature.
May 25, 2010 at 4:41 pm
I’ll never be clean again…
May 25, 2010 at 4:41 pm
I know everybody’s got to have a gimmick if they want to make it in the art world these days, but GOOD GOD, Y’ALL.
May 25, 2010 at 4:41 pm
You would think that I would have learned by now NOT to click on links such as that, but you would be wrong.
Now I will have nightmares.
May 25, 2010 at 4:42 pm
I couldn’t stop looking. Why did I click the link? I had to keep clicking next…why couldn’t I stop? When will those images leave my brain?? Why is it that I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast but I can’t erase the image of a man shitting purple paint??? W H Y ? ? ? ?
May 25, 2010 at 4:42 pm
she can stroke my canvas any day
May 25, 2010 at 4:42 pm
Holy cow. There are just so many easy, creepy jokes just waiting to be made in that description that I cannot even touch a single one of them without making a fool of myself.
May 25, 2010 at 4:42 pm
It’s the purple squirt enema bandit!
May 25, 2010 at 4:45 pm
I clicked on that link and while in shock my ten year old walked in…thankfully I covered the image in time!
P.S. What the fuck? LOL
May 25, 2010 at 4:45 pm
I am so glad I read through the comments before clicking on anything.
May 25, 2010 at 4:47 pm
From her profile:
‘I love to go to church , I love to paint ‘
with my fucking tits!
May 25, 2010 at 4:51 pm
Oh my God! Why did you have to give us that link and why did I have to go through his entire portfolio?!?!?! I’m scarred for life.
May 25, 2010 at 4:51 pm
It really takes balls to put paint all over your boobs and then smoosh them on a canvas. Er, wait…
May 25, 2010 at 4:53 pm
Frankly, I wouldn’t care if she painted it with her tonsils, it stinks.
May 25, 2010 at 4:57 pm
The eyes… they follow you.
May 25, 2010 at 4:57 pm
First of all Annie Sprinkle, Yves Klein and numerous others have drunk at the tit painting trough before this lady.
Second of all. Keith Boadwee’s site is better than re-watching Pink Flamingos. Color me sickly amused. I’m also laughing inside imagining the grant proposals he has written.
May 25, 2010 at 4:57 pm
Is it me, or does it look like there are a bunch of eyes on this thing? Maybe she keeps her studio a tad nipple?
May 25, 2010 at 4:59 pm
What do you think one of Boadwee’s paintings smells like? Egg tempera mixed with digestive tract….mmmmmm.
May 25, 2010 at 5:00 pm
Oh. My. God. Why.. why did I click that link. I can feel dinner making a reappearance.. Ugh.
And the worst part? I couldn’t look away at first. I was slightly confused, and horrified all at the same time. Once clarification hit I was just straight horrified.
Why?
May 25, 2010 at 5:01 pm
I’ve always preferred Boobist art to Ass-crack Expressionism.
May 25, 2010 at 5:01 pm
Golly, why is she showing us her smiling face…
I want to see the paint brushes!
May 25, 2010 at 5:03 pm
Oh please tell me someone has already made a Maude Lebowski comment…
May 25, 2010 at 5:05 pm
This guy has a show in NYC on June 11th, I actually am fantasizing about going if I can control my urge to laugh or gag until I leave. I’m almost afraid I will go and see people I know who are fans of the Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black taking it seriously.
May 25, 2010 at 5:07 pm
After perusing Mr Bodenotwells work, I’m sorry to say that I’ll probably forever remember his cock when I see Cindy Shermans work .
May 25, 2010 at 5:08 pm
#34 I’m sure that’s the intention.
May 25, 2010 at 5:11 pm
#11 cappysue – here ya go!
http://i50.tinypic.com/b4i9e1.jpg
May 25, 2010 at 5:12 pm
Oh that link…THAT LINK! LMAO. How’d he get it in there?!?! Can you do an anal paint-keg stand?
May 25, 2010 at 5:14 pm
I want a bumper sticker that says, “Got Breast Paint?” Won’t people think I’m an idiot? Either this, or I paint with my twat. Let me take another Prozac and I’ll let you know. . .
May 25, 2010 at 5:15 pm
The art student in my feels that it’s a rather uninspired take on Lee Krasner ( http://www.spaniermanmodern.com/06_LIAbstraction/krasner06noonf_lg.jpg ).
Also I wish she had signed using her breasts, that signature is such a cop-out
May 25, 2010 at 5:16 pm
Pricasso is way cooler.
May 25, 2010 at 5:17 pm
Jackson Pollock, eat your heart out.
May 25, 2010 at 5:27 pm
Keith Bigwee or whatever the fuck his name is, has some serious serious shit to work out. And I mean that literally, not figuratively.
Or do I mean that in both ways?
Regardless, slapping your tits on a canvas absolutely pales in comparison, especially when it at least results in something arguably visually appealing, unlike the “works” of Keith Bandedwee.
May 25, 2010 at 5:34 pm
Metallica’s album cover for Load was an art piece titled “Blood and Semen” in which the artist mixed his own blood and his own seed together and stuck it between two pieces of plate glass.
Thought I’d share.
May 25, 2010 at 5:39 pm
Ugh, this makes me nauseated. She has no color sense and didn’t try to go for any kind of balance or visual interest. Handmade? It looks like you made it with your nipple.
May 25, 2010 at 5:52 pm
what bothers me most is that it seems like the only reason she has a big close up of her face is so you can imagine what she might look like in some fantasizing way while viewing her boob artwork. like it makes it a better piece of crap to hang on your wall if you were to think she was a hottie.
and @27
i agree, i, too, am sickly amused, but i might just be a sick fuck.
May 25, 2010 at 5:53 pm
@45 if the breast painting makes you nauseous i suggest avoiding the other link like the plague or you may fry your computer with projectile vomit
May 25, 2010 at 5:54 pm
@ #37 leftfoot
I’m scarred for life. I clicked on the first link and now I’m afraid to click on any more!
May 25, 2010 at 5:57 pm
Silly me. When I clicked on Mr. Boadwee’s link, I was expecting some sort of crotch implemented paintings.
Imagine my “disappointment”…
May 25, 2010 at 6:01 pm
#31 Skully; Boadwee’s work actually falls under its own catagory it is known as F-ART
“Egg tempera mixed with digestive tract” – really Bronc, really? so it smells like Paris hilton?
May 25, 2010 at 6:01 pm
You know, something like this:
http://www.pricasso.com/
May 25, 2010 at 6:06 pm
NSFW is an understatement. Can you please put a WARNING GOATSE on future links like that? I thought for sure you were going for the “tulip” painting. (this IS safe for work… the artist used a similar technique as this gal, but with a differnt area of the body)
http://www.sargeworld.com/butt.jpg
May 25, 2010 at 6:17 pm
@52:Buzzkill To Teenagers
I think it’d be more like WARNING TUBGI… TUBGUY, actually.
May 25, 2010 at 6:17 pm
This painting would have been better if she painted a self portrait of her boobs, with her boobs, on some boob tassels.
May 25, 2010 at 6:22 pm
I just want to know what a corret is.
May 25, 2010 at 6:42 pm
I want my mommy.
May 25, 2010 at 7:00 pm
“(I)apply paint to my breast and stroke the canvas in many different ways to get the effect and design I want.”
No. Clearly you just bang your tits on the canvas. It’s all nipple dots. You don’t stroke the canvas; that would imply an artistic, creative thought.
And you paint with your breast? You could get it done twice as fast if you were smart enough to paint with both breasts.
I’d love to see this in a room with the purple paint shit “art.”
May 25, 2010 at 7:13 pm
Well at least she mixes her own color. With what , I don’t want to know. But regardless which tool you choose, it helps if you know how to draw.
Jackson Pollock is a perfect example of that,he could have used his tongue to paint & it would have been awesome imo.
May 25, 2010 at 7:15 pm
I would love to say that I regret clicking that link, but I clicked it and before my jaw dropped in absolute shock and horror, two of my kids walked up behind me (16 and 18 years old). Their reactions of speechless disgust were worth the tattoo on my retinas.
I’m a good mum, but I’m definitely going to whatever hell is for torturing my kids the way I do.
May 25, 2010 at 7:22 pm
what a trainwreck of a portfolio. he paints his balls and uses them for cartoon character hats. he shoves flags and paint up his ass.
even mr t does not have enough pity for that foo’
May 25, 2010 at 7:25 pm
I emailed the Ernie one to my husband, who is now traumatized for life
May 25, 2010 at 7:27 pm
The breast painting has been done to tedium, but I’d like to see her when she does the tiny signature.
May 25, 2010 at 7:41 pm
I went to art school for four years. I think I missed this class. (Actually, both classes!)
May 25, 2010 at 7:51 pm
I am unabashedly tickled at the Broadwee link, although I think it would take more hallucinogens than Zinfandel to cross that line in the sand. Hope he gives his doctor fair warning before the yearly exam – can you imagine?
May 25, 2010 at 7:53 pm
# 63 -You didn’t miss anything Josh, you draw like a mo’ fo’ on fire.
May 25, 2010 at 7:53 pm
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I’m a fucking artist, too! And I take my art very seriously. Now, where’s my forty bucks?
May 25, 2010 at 7:55 pm
She has it all wrong. Any true artist knows you motorboat your breast brushes and stroke your penis brush
May 25, 2010 at 8:04 pm
Somehow it would all have been worth it if the painting had come out OK; but this is just a sloppy mess that she tried to dress up with a pretentious back story.
May 25, 2010 at 8:11 pm
Oh, come on. Breast painting is so 1979.
That elephant that paints “art” has more talent in her trunk than you do in both your titties, hon.
May 25, 2010 at 8:21 pm
How long before the breast painting devolves into this?
http://www.regretsy.com/2010/05/17/50-ways-to-love-your-vulva-nsfw/
May 25, 2010 at 8:25 pm
Oh fuck, I just clicked through all 40 of purple ass painters pics. I am traumatized. Molly Ringwald? Why?
May 25, 2010 at 8:31 pm
In the middle of dinner I had this thought & was oddly obsessed to post:
why, this looks like sponge boob.
Eh…
May 25, 2010 at 8:39 pm
She actually said this on another listing: THIS PAINTING WAS DONE WITH MY NIPPLES AND THE CLOUDS WITH MY FULL BREAST. IT TOOK A VERY LONG TIME, AND NEEDLESS TO SAY I WAS A LITTLE SORE AFTER.
May 25, 2010 at 9:33 pm
Okay I’ve been reading for a while and have just finally gotten around to register to say. Holy fuck I can’t believe I clicked on that link. And I’m trying really hard no to click on it again. I love your site. I love what you do.
Okay I think I have to go back to that link. I have to show my boyfriend…just to see his reaction…
May 25, 2010 at 9:42 pm
#71 busybody : you are the only one I would expect to look at ALL of them- I have not viewed one as I read all of the comments first.
Did it remind you of the smell of unwashed hot ass???
May 25, 2010 at 9:46 pm
SKULLY…Where Art Thou….. I come home after being in an ER for most of the afternoon and evening and I could not find the word “JUGS” anywheres…… type me a Jugs joke skully
May 25, 2010 at 9:52 pm
ass sphincter says what?
May 25, 2010 at 10:36 pm
The real skill here was signing the painting with her nipple.
May 25, 2010 at 11:26 pm
The sphincter-painter rendered me stupid. Just like #30 Raen, I sat there confused, staring at it. Once my brain made had made sense of it I was still paralyzed by…shock….horror….i’m not sure there’s a word for it. And then the worst part, my least favorite comment of all time popped into my head “pass me the eye bleach.”
May 25, 2010 at 11:31 pm
I really didn’t think much of the ass hole painter as I had heard of that “style” before. Priccaso however, that was something new. I watched the entire video of him doing a painting. I must say I’m a bit jealous that he can paint better with his cock than I could ever try to with my hands. Am I alone in wondering if all that rubbing on the canvas causes chafing? I’m sure it’s nothing compared to having paint up your ass.. *shudder*
May 26, 2010 at 12:48 am
I viewed all 40 pictures in that gallery. Do I get some sort of prize? Maybe free lifetime therapy?
May 26, 2010 at 2:58 am
There’s another item she sells that makes me laugh more… http://www.etsy.com/listing/47315044/abstract-breast-painting
‘THIS PAINTING WAS DONE WITH MY NIPPLES AND THE CLOUDS WITH MY FULL BREAST. IT TOOK A VERY LONG TIME, AND NEEDLESS TO SAY I WAS A LITTLE SORE AFTER.’
May 26, 2010 at 5:38 am
I’d been meaning to register for a while, but I’m a huge procrastinator. However, I registered immediately after seeing this just to let you know that the link…it ruined me forever. I couldn’t stop clicking “next”, all the way until the end.
Sigh.
May 26, 2010 at 5:41 am
Why did I have to click on the link? My eyes! And why did I have to look at every last picture on that link??? I may need therapy now.
May 26, 2010 at 6:31 am
Whole new meaning to the term “artsy-fartsy”.
May 26, 2010 at 6:36 am
I don’t even want to know how he gets the paint in there. Someone pass me the eye bleach please
May 26, 2010 at 6:55 am
$25,000 for art college and all I really needed was silicone implants and a paint enema. Who knew?
May 26, 2010 at 7:45 am
I came across a review that included some remarks about the ass squirter, he was referred to as ‘one of the turkeys of the art world’….
May 26, 2010 at 8:31 am
Bronc and Stretch: “Egg tempera mixed with digestive tract” – really Bronc, really? so it smells like Paris hilton?
I think the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Smell” policy would apply to both Boadwee and Hilton.
May 26, 2010 at 8:53 am
Late to this party, but it was worth showing up. OH MY GODS, why do I always get suckered into clicking the links? I’m in hysterics over here.
May 26, 2010 at 8:54 am
RCB, I hope everything is OK. I’m out of jug jokes, what if I prank call Michaels to ask if they carry breast paint?
May 26, 2010 at 9:31 am
That would be superb. All will be well soon…I hope. Doc poked a hole in my other half’s heart and collapsed half of it and stopped his heart- went 14-16 min- no pulse.no pressure. Grace of God he is here and aware today-not much braqin damage- not fixed-long road-only 42yrs old & the nurse’s all think he is my Dad- best laughter I’ve had besides here.
May 26, 2010 at 9:32 am
Skully- can you breast paint in public?
May 26, 2010 at 9:55 am
After looking at that guys entire gallery, I cannot tell if he hates his junk, loves his junk too much or just spends way too much time thinking other people want to see his junk wearing a hat…
But I do know that his neighbors probably don’t care for him.
May 26, 2010 at 11:15 am
@RCB-good thoughts comin’ your way girl.
@Suda-Congrats are in order!
May 26, 2010 at 11:16 am
Just because they use paint doesn’t make it ART.
Anything with an asshole & nipples could make this stuff.
May 26, 2010 at 11:46 am
The link really did require much more than “NSFW”. Some things can NOT be unseen. There’s a wide gap between “NSFW” and obscene.
May 26, 2010 at 1:18 pm
Hi, I finally had to register, first, to say that I absolutely love this site, and second: Aaarrrgh! (referring to the link, of course. And yet, I think I will look at it again and check out the rest of the asstist’s portfolio, because… because my eyes didn’t want to believe what they saw, I guess. Also: Is the breast painting like one of these “magic eye” thingies? What is to see if you stare at it for some time?
May 26, 2010 at 1:19 pm
…kneecaps/eyelashes/tongue/nose/ears – hm, haven’t decided yet.
May 26, 2010 at 1:21 pm
I feel the need to quote Futurama here. ONCE YOU HAVE SEEN IT – YOU CAN’T UNSEE IT.
May 26, 2010 at 1:27 pm
RCB,
Sending you a mental hug, I’ll keep you and your better half in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of him, after 40 shit starts breaking.
May 26, 2010 at 2:30 pm
i just somehow don’t think it’s very good for one’s bowel to have an enema of purple paint…
for the record… i have seriously considered buying a pricasso painting
May 26, 2010 at 2:44 pm
{{{rcb and other half}}}
May 26, 2010 at 3:57 pm
So…didn’t know what NSFW meant and posted the link on FB (I’m a public official) and had a reporter point it out for me (thank god it was quickly so I could delete it). OMG
May 26, 2010 at 4:14 pm
…and now I have some super fun arts and crafts projects for the summer.
May 26, 2010 at 4:20 pm
At the gallery, this painting earned Breast In Show. Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week.
May 26, 2010 at 4:29 pm
I really wish I hadn’t clicked the link.
I really wish I hadn’t clicked the link before dinner.
I really really wish I hadn’t clicked through the rest of the portfolio ( I will never see bert the same way again – ever )
May 26, 2010 at 4:34 pm
@#106 AMcC: Was that the LACMA/Tate Museum joint exhibit, “LACTate”?
May 26, 2010 at 4:46 pm
“See the nipple prints scattered throughout the canvas, like a many-eyed beast staring deep into our souls. They disarm us, unseeingly forcing us to question the meaning of our lives. Real and serious. Brilliant.”
-The Artist
May 26, 2010 at 5:42 pm
that’s just it. I can’t believe that in order to make any money at all in the art business I have to be willing to crap paint. That just doesn’t even seem like a reality I’ve ever heard of.
May 26, 2010 at 9:48 pm
101 Skully : RCB,
Roger that..I will remember that now and prepare for a decade.
May 27, 2010 at 1:51 am
I think I was emotionally scarred by this blog post.
May 27, 2010 at 10:27 am
I hate this kind of pretentious shit. It’s a badly done “abstract” (what is it abstracting, anyway?). I hope she isn’t like many art students I’ve met who don’t realize paint is toxic, even when it’s safer than totally dangerous. That Cadmium Yellow nipple stamp looks great.
May 27, 2010 at 10:29 am
<>
Ahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha!
They “unseeingly” force me to remember that art is one of those careers, like writing, where any butt-reaming asshole can declare themselves an “artist.” Nobody declares themselves to be a “dentist” without…
May 27, 2010 at 2:03 pm
Regretsy is going to put me in therapy before my parents could ever accomplish it.
May 28, 2010 at 11:26 am
Now we’ve seen the ass splatter painter, will we turn into pillars of salt?
May 28, 2010 at 12:38 pm
Is that anal-art guy seriously an adjunct professor somewhere? It seems to me he should be in a mental institution, not an institution of higher learning; he clearly has some serious issues and it would be nice if he would work through them in private instead of inflicting himself on students (and the rest of us).
May 28, 2010 at 12:41 pm
Oh, and I am sad that people who have such a disturbingly profound lack of taste and talent take up space and get attention in a world where there are so many truly talented, sincere artists who do NOT get the attention they deserve. It just seems deeply wrong.
May 29, 2010 at 1:45 am
This is a professor at a school my friend attended.
May 29, 2010 at 3:32 pm
@Xposure120, did your friend taken any of his… um… classes?
June 3, 2010 at 9:20 am
I don’t know, Helen Killer. This actually seems like two glasses of Zinfandel away from what that guy’s doing, not one. The vagina-painting lady was the one Zinfandel away. At least breasts are well away from where you, ahem, eliminate.
June 3, 2010 at 9:23 am
It’s not too bad, until you realize what it is …
August 29, 2010 at 8:44 am
if my junk was that small, i would not photo it in any range of colours oO
September 11, 2010 at 9:54 am
OH MY EYES! Why the hell did I click? WHYEEEE??? hahaha, the dude is seeing that link when he gets home. We must have nightmares together.
November 13, 2010 at 11:31 pm
After clicking on the link, the only thing that came to mind was, “Boy, that asshole really can paint!”
December 14, 2010 at 10:48 am
“I stroke the canvas in many different ways to get the effect and design I want”.
There’s design involved?
May 14, 2011 at 1:46 am
I hope she used some Friendly paint or her nipples are fuckin’ DRY by now.
(..and I hope there is just 1 in stock, too)
October 17, 2011 at 2:02 am
My fiance looked over at the screen and said, “Why can’t you look at NORMAL porn?”