THESE ARE NOT MY EGGS
When I was in New York a few years ago, I saw Patrick Stewart in the lobby of my hotel. I realized he was staying there too, so I looked for him after that. I’d often see him in the morning, wearing a long winter coat and fedora, and going out for a walk in the park.
A few days into my trip, we rode up on the elevator together. I stood there, looking at the back of his neck the whole time, and trying not to wet myself.
When the door opened, we both got out on the same floor. We walked down to the very end of the hall, where we discovered we were staying right across from each other.
I seem to recall saying something like, “Look, we’re staying right across from each other!” And he smiled patiently and said “Good day”, in that Picard voice.
The next morning, I heard room service knocking on my door. Or at least, I thought I heard them knocking on my door. By the time I got there, I realized they were knocking on his door. And I stood there, with my ear pressed against the door, listening to him talking with the waiter.
“Your breakfast sir”, said the waiter.
There was a pause. And then, in the magnificent tones of the Captain of the USS Enterprise, I heard, “THESE ARE NOT MY EGGS.”
They were, of course, my eggs. But I was too shy to open the door and claim them.
May 20, 2010 at 5:47 pm
Picard had your eggs?!? Where’s this love child at???
May 20, 2010 at 5:48 pm
What a great celebrity encounter story. Helen, how do you keep running into people?!
The Picard head on the tea tin is the most bizarre thing I’ve seen in a long while, and I’ve been a frequent Regretsy reader for months now. But I would honestly buy that painting of the 4 captains drinking on the bridge. That is EPIC!
May 20, 2010 at 5:49 pm
You could have shared your breakfast with him…and who knows where you’d be today…*sigh*
May 20, 2010 at 5:49 pm
God, I am so fucking jealous. “THESE ARE NOT MY EGGS”… That voice is just so perfect, so rich, so mellifluous, even that must have sounded totally awesome.
BTW I just love the fact that this very short, utterly bald, rather squinty eyed man whose Shakespearean pedigree somehow ultimately landed him in sci-fi roles commands such panty-wetness from so very many of us women. Um, and probably more than a few men.
May 20, 2010 at 5:51 pm
Four Star Trek captains having a drinking contest – I LOVE THIS.
May 20, 2010 at 5:53 pm
If I had been at that door, my ear pressed to it and I were to hear him declare those were not his eggs, I would have giggled like a 13-year-old girl reading a slam book and the waiter and the Captain would have heard me.
I bow to your self-control, Regretsy person.
May 20, 2010 at 5:57 pm
How come when I go to hotels, I only see people who aren’t on tv?
May 20, 2010 at 6:00 pm
Clearly, he was expecting toast and earl grey, hot.
May 20, 2010 at 6:05 pm
But, I still want to know if you got your eggs in the end? It’s the OCD in me.
May 20, 2010 at 6:09 pm
What a great story! I wouldn’t have opened the door either, well maybe just a little to peek…
Captain Picard Day is the best day ever!!
May 20, 2010 at 6:14 pm
I think Captain Picard could say ANYTHING, and make it sound epic.
And in that scenario I think it would have been difficult for me not to step out of the door and say something like “those are my eggs…and I like them fertilized.”
May 20, 2010 at 6:24 pm
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May 20, 2010 at 6:27 pm
This trumps talking to David Caruso by a few million miles,even if you did get a bracelet that time.
Too bad you couldn’t somehow wangle a glimpse at his chest & legs too, like wrapped up in a bathrobe!
May 20, 2010 at 6:43 pm
What a lovely story Helen. I had the whole visual in my head as you where teling it. You really need to put some poise pads in your purse. Did he get your Fucking Coffee as well. You DO NOT have to answer that, just letting us know you used the little coffee pot in the room is enough information for us.
May 20, 2010 at 6:47 pm
I’m seeing this on a wind-up hopping toy, for some reason.
May 20, 2010 at 6:49 pm
I may be a bit tipsy, but the painting isn’t half bad. But I do love love love the knit mongoose and Picard. And the lovely story…has anyone seen Picard in “Extras” where all he talks about is boobs? High-larious!
May 20, 2010 at 6:49 pm
You have great stories HK
THESE ARE NOT MY EGGS–there’s a photoshop in there somewhere.
May 20, 2010 at 6:50 pm
Aahhhhhh, I’ve been away for so long. What an awesome story to come back to. I just wish there had been a “make it so” moment. Would have been the cherry on top.
May 20, 2010 at 6:51 pm
I am loving all of these posts! Can it be Captain Picard day every day? Or maybe tomorrow can be Captain Solo day. Whimsicle Geekery!
May 20, 2010 at 7:11 pm
The waxen head sans lurching keyed wind-up body has eyes that not only “give him a sort of creepy look”, but a touch of Mongoloid heritage, as well.
May 20, 2010 at 7:13 pm
This is the best story EVER! I would have peed. Everywhere. And it would have gotten all over the eggs.
May 20, 2010 at 7:27 pm
Oh Captain, my Captain! (I would have invited him to bring his star log on over….) I bow down to your brushes with fame!
May 20, 2010 at 7:32 pm
That is an amazingly cool story, Helen/April.
The best I have is that I bought a DVD of the BBC production of “Hamlet” starring Patrick Stewart (as the king *and* the ghost) and David Tennant in the title role. The ultimate SF/Shakespearean crossover.
May 20, 2010 at 7:51 pm
I am now celebrating Captain Picard Day instead of Leif Ericsson Day, inspired by that fabulous painting. Must Own Painting!
May 20, 2010 at 8:13 pm
Voice makes up for a lot. (Is not discussing fangirl crushes she’s had on *cartoon/game characters.* Ahem.) Egg story is awesome: I’m hearing “These are not my eggs” in my head over and over again. XD
The tin, however. “Sort of” creepy? Is the Pope “sort of” Catholic?? Eek!
May 20, 2010 at 8:22 pm
THESE ARE NOT MY EGGS…
quite frankly, captain jean-luc picard could sit in a corner and read the phone book and i would experience the panty-wettness.
May 20, 2010 at 8:39 pm
So shy, who knew? And all this time I thought you might be more of a ham…
I’ll admit to leaning against a door once, ‘listening in’ on a private conversation , the door opening & tumbling in, mortified.Like having egg on my face…
May 20, 2010 at 9:00 pm
I envision it like this:
Is that close to how it went down?
Pretty close. Except I like them sunny side up. – HK
May 20, 2010 at 9:01 pm
That head is not Captain Picard. It is Dr. Zachary Smith. Wrong Sci-Fi show altogether.
May 20, 2010 at 10:12 pm
This is how I imagine the scenario
But that’s just me.
May 20, 2010 at 10:33 pm
After reading all of the posts I am going to(A) buy stock from the Poise Pad Co.
(B)Do an Alchemy request for a Helen Killer Poise Pad Discreet pad holder.OK, so it won’t be discreet but it will say my bag untells it all.
(C)Lastly, I am somehow going to get that face of a wind up chicken looking, hopping, damn thing covered in egg splatter out of my head.
So much to do.So much to do.
May 20, 2010 at 10:51 pm
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=5594139&l=1a26fc93c4&id=562289679
May 20, 2010 at 11:06 pm
gods, “those are not my eggs” … leaps out into the hallway … “no, they arent, they are right here IN MY PANTIES” … served restraining order … thinks it was worth it
May 20, 2010 at 11:15 pm
Is that can giving birth to Mini Me?
May 20, 2010 at 11:40 pm
Thumbs down me if you must, but I still think it looks like Dr. Smith
May 21, 2010 at 12:22 am
And now, as the first Regretsy Captain Picard Day has come to an end, let us reflect on what we have learned. Remember, underneath the uniform lies a real man.
(pads in place? good.)
May 21, 2010 at 12:41 am
See it in a room!
http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn78/feraldrollery/picardnotmyeggs.jpg
May 21, 2010 at 2:15 am
Am I the only person who’s vastly disappointed that the seller didn’t tack a few bucks onto the price and fill the creepy tea tin with bags of Earl Grey?
May 21, 2010 at 6:59 am
#32 Verge, THAT IS AWESOME!
By the by…
What happened to yesterday’s mailbag post which started all this Picardsickle fuckery?
May 21, 2010 at 8:00 am
#11 Capt Pickard could say anything?
I can’t see him carrying off: ““Daddy came prepared.” only David Caruso
May 21, 2010 at 8:24 am
Wonderful story HK, did you ever get your eggs that morning?
May 21, 2010 at 8:48 am
Anyone else notice the seller of the painting has *doubled* the price??
It was WAY under-priced. I hope someone buys it. – HK
May 21, 2010 at 8:56 am
You’re right, Bumble.
May 21, 2010 at 9:41 am
Thanks, Bill.
May 21, 2010 at 9:49 am
http://picard.ytmnd.com/
May 21, 2010 at 9:56 am
I did not order eggs and ham
I will not eat them, Sam I am
I do not like eggs over easy
As you well know, they make me queasy…
May 21, 2010 at 10:04 am
The Picard Trek Towels, they’re for when you wet yourself.
Knitted cotton, absorbant.
With the cool logo, you could hang them from your belt to dry.
Ew!
What am I thinking?
It is you guys, encouraging my tiny twisted mind.
May 21, 2010 at 10:15 am
Is it too early to decide if every May 20 could be Captain Picard Day?
May 21, 2010 at 10:52 am
The painting would be great – WOULD BE if only Capt. Archer was belly-ing up to the captain’s chair too.
May 21, 2010 at 8:29 pm
Exactly what I thought, only because it would be a great gift for my dad but for the fact he’s a huge Enterprise fan. Man, my mom would’ve killed me.
May 21, 2010 at 10:54 pm
Normally I’d just go along with whatever April says because I have a fangirl crush on her but I must point out that the widely accepted date of Captain Picard Day is June 16.
My parents saw him in Turtle Bay, Hawaii when they were on their honeymoon. They state it as one of the highlights of the trip. Some honeymoon.
I’m completely in love with the trek cloths.
May 22, 2010 at 10:08 pm
Cons: Kirk?? Drinking chardonnay? I demand a re-paint.
Pros: Captain Archer is nowhere to be found.
May 23, 2010 at 7:43 pm
This is the best holiday I’ve ever heard of, and I hope we remember to celebrate it whimsicle fuckery style next year when it rolls around.
Also, that is by FAR the best “famous person encounter” story I’ve ever heard. It towers above my “I pushed Woody Harrelson out of the way for breakfast” story.
June 25, 2010 at 3:44 am
I just figured out how nerdy I am. Before I thought anything of the full post, I wondered, where is Captain Archer in that painting?
July 6, 2010 at 2:21 am
Can’t stop laughing at “These are not my eggs!” What a great story!
I’ll tell you what Picard is drinking in that picture: Tea, Earl Grey, hard.