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Broom Hilda

Posted by Helen Killer

78 comments

You’ll be the hit of the night in this slinky little number! Well, If you can get into your car, I mean. Just don’t wear it around a goat.

Seriously, this is like everything in your grandma’s house at once. All you need is a dish of hard candy and a Readers Digest, and you could go as a nursing home.

Filed in Clothing 78 comments

78 Comments

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May 14, 2010
4:34 pm

#1 sudabaki© :

Someone grab the hose! There are flames shooting out of her!!!

Rate this comment: +26

May 14, 2010
4:35 pm

#2 KitCameo :

No.

Rate this comment: +19

May 14, 2010
4:36 pm

#3 LeeLooDallas :

She really needs to wax.

Rate this comment: +45

May 14, 2010
4:36 pm

#4 Dynomoose :

I don’t know what this makes me consider more: the hideous puckering stitches holding the feathers onto the cheap satin, the impossibility of getting into a car in this monstrosity or the general ugliness of this overpriced POS.

Rate this comment: +25

May 14, 2010
4:36 pm

#5 razberries :

you mean that dreadful stuff coming out of her is real? i thought it was bad photoshopping at first…

Rate this comment: +11

May 14, 2010
4:37 pm

#6 ChrismPot :

She looks like a chorus member in The Lion King.

Rate this comment: +49

May 14, 2010
4:37 pm

#7 Dynomoose :

Oh yeah the horrible description. Slinky? Really? What is slinky about this crap?

Rate this comment: +7

May 14, 2010
4:37 pm

#8 Bronc Drywall :

I see fireworks.

Rate this comment: +17

May 14, 2010
4:38 pm

#9 KitCameo :

It’s perfomance art; a visualization of a yeast infection. She’s using the broom grass to represent flames coming out of her crotch.

Rate this comment: +77

May 14, 2010
4:38 pm

#10 LeeLooDallas :

Honestly, at first I thought she was standing behind a plant. And let’s not even dignify “flirty polyester”.

Rate this comment: +51

May 14, 2010
4:39 pm

#11 RuthX :

First few times I looked at it, I thought she was standing in front of a potted plant. O.o How dreadful.

Rate this comment: +7

May 14, 2010
4:40 pm

#12 DTKMKihn.blogspot.com :

Great camouflage if you want to spy on the Fraggles

Rate this comment: +81

May 14, 2010
4:40 pm

#13 IscreamUscream :

just.fucking.insane

Rate this comment: +10

May 14, 2010
4:41 pm

#14 razberries :

that’s definitely some fire in the hole

Rate this comment: +20

May 14, 2010
4:41 pm

#15 waningestrogen :

Safari? Everything’s pointing to the Bush, from my viewpoint.

Rate this comment: +49

May 14, 2010
4:43 pm

#16 Patty has been abducted by an Alien :

She’s asymmetrical. She needs another feather on her head going in the other direction.

Or…

Let’s take a reasonably decent dress and totally fuck it up! And for added fuckery, let’s take Mom’s old white gloves and wear them too!

Awwww yeah!

Rate this comment: +18

May 14, 2010
4:43 pm

#17 IscreamUscream :

@#15, you’re right–it’s a big arrow.

Rate this comment: +2

May 14, 2010
4:44 pm

#18 hamoza :

Ooooh Broom grass! Does it come with fleas & ticks?

Rate this comment: +13

May 14, 2010
4:44 pm

#19 LeeLooDallas :

Fire Crotch!

Rate this comment: +18

May 14, 2010
4:44 pm

#20 FootofCanal :

How the hell does one sit while wearing this fuckery?

Rate this comment: +9

May 14, 2010
4:45 pm

#21 Patty has been abducted by an Alien :

I don’t sew (aside from a few buttons), so I have a question…

Is “princess seamed” just code for “I totally suck at sewing seams?

Rate this comment: +30

May 14, 2010
4:46 pm

#22 hamoza :

Is the shoot from the back of her head included, or is that extra?

Rate this comment: +9

May 14, 2010
4:46 pm

#23 DTKMKihn.blogspot.com :

“stardust” is listed as one of her favorite materials. But that doesn’t explain why most of the shop looks like the badly sewn handmade clothes that show up in Goodwill?

Rate this comment: +7

May 14, 2010
4:47 pm

#24 LeeLooDallas :

“Supple” is listed as a material. Patty – stock up on supple and you’ll be fine with your sewing.

Rate this comment: +20

May 14, 2010
4:48 pm

#25 Wilma Fingerdoo :

Who knew polyester could be so flirty?
This is the dress I would buy for my daughter to preserve her virginity on prom night.

Rate this comment: +84

May 14, 2010
4:48 pm

#26 newsitian :

Obviously they aren’t serious about selling this dress – no size is listed. I mean, how would you know if it would fit you?

Rate this comment: +5

May 14, 2010
4:52 pm

#27 BettyMachete :

Slide on hardwood floors with it, multipurpose!

Rate this comment: +19

May 14, 2010
4:52 pm

#28 Patty has been abducted by an Alien :

Leeloo, the last time I went to the craft store, they were out of “supple”. I wonder if I buy two boxes of “svelte” maybe I could substitute… hmmmmm…

Rate this comment: +20

May 14, 2010
4:56 pm

#29 Skully :

Do you think I could sweep my hardwood floors with that broom grass? I’ve tried using a vacuum…

Rate this comment: +55

May 14, 2010
4:56 pm

#30 brooklinda :

hamoza:

one of a kind,
attention-grabbing fascinator,
so you will look like,
someone jammed a,
stalk of broom grass,
through your head,

$75.

Rate this comment: +29

May 14, 2010
5:05 pm

#31 libertylil :

I’m concerned on how happy she looks to be wearing that!
Is she under duress, or does she have some of that grass under that dress!!

Rate this comment: +12

May 14, 2010
5:05 pm

#32 fame4crap :

Red Carpet…”what were they thinking?”

Cats would be thinking…”cat toy”

Rate this comment: +13

May 14, 2010
5:06 pm

#33 IscreamUscream :

It’s irrelevant to photoshop when you already have a picture in your mind.

Rate this comment: +6

May 14, 2010
5:07 pm

#34 hamoza :

#30 That is a fascinating concept , for a flaming retarded yokel.
The only way to complete this ensemble is a duh, dead mole bag. Perfect for a night of dancing ,cuddling and burning.

Rate this comment: +11

May 14, 2010
5:12 pm

#35 hamoza :

Egads, what I meant was , you’d have to be a flaming retahd to wear this get up….

Rate this comment: +3

May 14, 2010
5:17 pm

#36 mtopia :

It looks like a bad dance costume to me, and I would know. I took years of dance. Even her make up screams “RECITAL!”

Rate this comment: +23

May 14, 2010
5:21 pm

#37 IscreamUscream :

She should borrow HK’s weed whacker.

Rate this comment: +15

May 14, 2010
5:27 pm

#38 Monstrosa :

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-are-princess-seams.htm

Princess seams are nice and sleek – fitting seams, so you don’t need darts.
I guess this is what happens when you’re still holding a broom when your fairy godmother gets around to you. Kinda like that movie, “The Fly.”

Rate this comment: +12

May 14, 2010
5:30 pm

#39 starrydreams :

Are the gloves included???

Rate this comment: -2

May 14, 2010
5:36 pm

#40 hamoza :

Are safaris on the prairie some new burning woman-rave thingy I’ve not heard about?

Rate this comment: +10

May 14, 2010
5:43 pm

#41 greenfuzz :

You know whats lazy as shit about this? It’s obviously a costume for a school performance/dance recital the photo is even taken backstage. She probably was made to make this dress to specifications for whatever theme was called for, and now she wants to foist it on the etsy public. Everything else in her shop is vintage, so she just likes selling used shit.

Rate this comment: +39

May 14, 2010
5:43 pm

#42 greenfuzz :

that could have used a few commas, sorry

Rate this comment: +3

May 14, 2010
6:02 pm

#43 HomeAlone :

That last arty sepia photoshop really sells it, too.

Rate this comment: +2

May 14, 2010
6:05 pm

#44 ciaohowdy :

Thank the gods this is a one of a kind. None of a kind would be even better. That “sewing” looks like staples.

Not sure if I’d buy the dress, but definitely would have paid something to laugh at the recital. Must have been truly whimsicle.

Rate this comment: +11

May 14, 2010
6:06 pm

#45 PussDaddy :

AT least we know where the red fern grows now.

Rate this comment: +41

May 14, 2010
6:15 pm

#46 Vile & Evil Debbie Downer :

That’s the most whimsicle merkin I’ve ever seen.

Rate this comment: +21

May 14, 2010
6:20 pm

#47 takilasunrise :

I think she has it on backwards, actually!

Rate this comment: +5

May 14, 2010
6:23 pm

#48 takilasunrise :

No, what she really did was spill a coke down the front of herself and then fell into this and it stuck from the stickiness:

http://www.windward.org/notes/notes67/broomcorn.jpg

Rate this comment: +1

May 14, 2010
6:25 pm

#49 Snark-o-leptic Cesar :

#45 PussDaddy – Where the red fern grows?

That makes me very emotional.

Maybe I am still bothered by the mole.

Rate this comment: +4

May 14, 2010
6:35 pm

#50 HelenaHandbasket :

Jazz hands and jazzier abdomen.

Rate this comment: +12

May 14, 2010
6:42 pm

#51 ohsotal :

Who needs condoms?

Rate this comment: +5

May 14, 2010
7:13 pm

#52 yosofine :

Amber waves of grain?

Rate this comment: +8

May 14, 2010
8:08 pm

#53 kipper :

Wait, I remember seeing a special about this on the National Geographic channel: Bridesmaids of the Serengeti.

Rate this comment: +33

May 14, 2010
8:18 pm

#54 Lalorna :

I have one of these! I use it to sneak up on zebras in Africa. I usually go with a pith helmet instead of gloves.

Rate this comment: +15

May 14, 2010
8:41 pm

#55 geektastic :

‘Cats would be thinking…”cat toy”’
Yeah–I’d never make it out of the house in that. Feathers are shredded and eaten around here. Though it’s so fugly the cats might be scared off.

Oh, and Heeeellllllen! Lookie what I got:

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=280490180682&ssPageName=STRK:MEWNX:IT

Rate this comment: +3

May 14, 2010
8:54 pm

#56 PaintedKitty :

All this one needs is disco burqa!

Rate this comment: +3

May 14, 2010
9:40 pm

#57 Snark-o-leptic Cesar :

Is this a “catch her in the rye” kinda thing?

Rate this comment: +20

May 15, 2010
10:04 am

#58 Recovering Crack Baby :

EVERY nursing home around here has wallpaper border- oh how i hate wallpaper border. She could complete the nursing home outfit with a cowl made of wallpaper border around her neck. Maybe a wallpaper border crown for her head?

Rate this comment: +3

May 15, 2010
10:07 am

#59 Dynomoose :

#55 geektastic, if not for the price, the cat toy possibility is the one and only reason I could see for buying that thing!

Rate this comment: +1

May 15, 2010
10:59 am

#60 coolpauper :

This was my first thought…

http://i757.photobucket.com/albums/xx220/coolpauper/safaridressarrowhead.jpg

Rate this comment: +1

May 15, 2010
11:19 am

#61 coolpauper :

When will people learn not to have outdoor weddings during tornado season.

Rate this comment: +5

May 15, 2010
12:43 pm

#62 TooManyCookbooks :

I think they make a cream for that nowadays.

Seriously, though — how are you supposed to sit down in that thing without getting a nosefull of doctor’s-office-chic dried stuff?

Rate this comment: +5

May 15, 2010
12:49 pm

#63 mambolica :

She’s camoflaged as DIY home decor.

Rate this comment: +4

May 15, 2010
1:37 pm

#64 Esmeralda_m :

I only wonder how you’re supposed to wash it? Do you have to take out all the feathers one by one and then put them back when you’re done?

Rate this comment: +6

May 15, 2010
2:00 pm

#65 hamoza :

#64@Esmerelda-a dab of gel to smoothe the flyaways , and an occasional spritz of insect repellant & it’s good to go.

Rate this comment: +2

May 15, 2010
4:42 pm

#66 www.bajunajewelry.etsy.com :

Well if she lived in California she would be asked to trim her bush!

Rate this comment: +2

May 15, 2010
4:43 pm

#67 www.bajunajewelry.etsy.com :

She looks like a fire hazard.

Rate this comment: +4

May 15, 2010
4:44 pm

#68 www.bajunajewelry.etsy.com :

It’s vavoom with a broom!

Rate this comment: +2

May 15, 2010
5:33 pm

#69 janncri :

1.Hope her date doesn’t smoke.
2.Reminds me of old Steve Martin skit with arrow through head.

Rate this comment: +3

May 16, 2010
10:09 am

#70 evlbuxmbetty :

i cant get over “flirty polyester”

aahahaha

Rate this comment: +3

May 16, 2010
6:34 pm

#71 hk :

must be her daughter’s dance dress!
it’s all so wrong.
her own photos for other items take the cake, though, IMO

http://www.etsy.com/listing/42677515/designer-handmade-spring-spin-day-dress

Rate this comment: 0

May 16, 2010
10:35 pm

#72 Mookie :

And then, tragically, Laura Ingalls Wilder was eaten by the seemingly innocent and docile goat, in what will forever be known as ‘Little Horror on the Prairie’

Rate this comment: +3