Serge of Pride
Yesterday, I put up a post asking you to help me raise money for our latest Alchemy project: a professional sewing machine for an Etsy seller featured in my book. It was an expensive machine, and I wasn’t sure if we’d be able to pull it off.
So guess what you guys did?
You bought the sewing machine.
You guys came up with half, and I matched your donations. I ordered it, and it’s being sent to her house. She has promised to embroider a thank you note for you all when she receives it. This is a really happy day.
This woman is so deserving, and has such a great attitude. Her husband is going through a second round of cancer treatment, and as someone who has been there, I know how difficult it is. Not just on the patient, but on the people who love them.
This machine will allow her to grow her business, take more orders and spend more time with her husband. This little machine can really change the quality of her life. This a happy day.
Thank you all so much, from the bottom of my black, shriveled heart.
ZAZZLE SHIZZLE
So many of you enjoyed my carefully annotated sewing machine diagram from yesterday, that we have now made it available on Zazzle merchandise.
We also got several requests for a clean version of the graphic, ostensibly to be used for confusing students and children.
Both versions are now available for your purchase on mugs, T-shirts, posters, tote bags and mousepads. And as always, every penny of Zazzle proceeds benefit our Alchemy fund, and will be used to fund charitable works.
Regretsy Sewing Machine merchandise – naughty version
T-shirt . . . . . . . . . . . . $17.95
Mousepad . . . . . . . . .$11.95
Mug . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.95
Tote Bag . . . . . . . . . . $11.95
Poster . . . . . . . . . . . . $11.40 (three sizes available)
Regretsy Sewing Machine merchandise – radio edit
T-shirt . . . . . . . . . . . . $17.95
Mousepad . . . . . . . . .$11.95
Mug . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.95
Tote Bag . . . . . . . . . . $11.95
Poster . . . . . . . . . . . . $11.40 (three sizes available)
May 11, 2010 at 4:33 pm
well done
May 11, 2010 at 4:34 pm
I really hope you didn’t get her one of THOSE. Fuckery machines are famously terrible.
May 11, 2010 at 4:35 pm
Wow…that was incredibly fast!
Today, I had an Etsy sale I’m going to direct towards this project.
May 11, 2010 at 4:36 pm
Tote baaaaaaag.
The ladies at work are going to have a field day over it.
May 11, 2010 at 4:36 pm
Good job HK and fellow Regretsies! May God bless your bajingos!
May 11, 2010 at 4:36 pm
My cockles are all warm now.
May 11, 2010 at 4:40 pm
I am so glad I waited until yesterday to buy April’s book so I could take part! If you gave us a hint to who the crafter is, she would undoubtably get plenty of orders.
Sorry this wasn’t a very whimsical post!
May 11, 2010 at 4:43 pm
This is why I love this site and its readers.
May 11, 2010 at 4:44 pm
I love the tough love Momma Killer shows her Etsy family. She gives them the love they need, not the love they want.
That is what a good Mothra does.
May 11, 2010 at 4:48 pm
You broke me, Helen.
I had to have the mug.
May 11, 2010 at 4:48 pm
Regretsians are the best “-ians” of all.
May 11, 2010 at 4:55 pm
the link for the radio edit shirt redirects to the main page. also, this diagram fully explains why i still sew by hand.
Oops – thank you. I forgot to close my brackets. Story of my life. Fixed! – HK
May 11, 2010 at 5:02 pm
Just goes to show you how generous all these assholes on Regretsy that do nothing but put down others can be.
Take that, Flouncers!
May 11, 2010 at 5:03 pm
Wow way to go Regretsians!
May 11, 2010 at 5:04 pm
as an owner of 3 industrials, a stainless ruffler and 3 regular machines i wholly endorse this product A PLUS ALL THE WAY
May 11, 2010 at 5:04 pm
@ #7, I’ve asked her if she wants to be identified, so I’m waiting to hear what she says. Someone figured it out last night in the comments, and she was fine with it, so I imagine it would be all right.
Hint: rhymes with shmoilet shmaper
May 11, 2010 at 5:14 pm
I am so excited for the seller…to all those cryabeetus freaks (you know who you are, and so do WE)…take that!
I love this site and all of the good deeds it brings forth, as well as the constant laughs.
This is my favorite place on the internet, but you already knew that ♥
May 11, 2010 at 5:16 pm
I love how the diagram has something for every genre of Nerd. I also love how I recognize ever genre of Nerd. I’ma need to buy the tote or the poster. Can’t decide which right now.
May 11, 2010 at 5:17 pm
NAMASTE BITCHES!!!
May 11, 2010 at 5:17 pm
is it “toilet raper”?
May 11, 2010 at 5:18 pm
I actually cried when I read this. Don’t tell anyone, it’ll ruin my bitch image.
May 11, 2010 at 5:19 pm
I like that the T-shirt is all FLOUNCEY!!
Many times I wished life came with a Flounce attachment
May 11, 2010 at 5:20 pm
Because of this and your other kind deeds, you’ll be going to a slightly cooler spot in hell. Nice work Helen!
May 11, 2010 at 5:21 pm
I got the original mug, but now I’m debating if I want to get the “clean” tote as well. In any case, I am SO thrilled that we raised that much money SO fast! Dang, this is the best bunch of people EVER! We are multipurpose awesomesauce!
May 11, 2010 at 5:26 pm
You guys are the biggest bunch of golden snitch bitches evah!
May 11, 2010 at 5:30 pm
AH HA! There will be no safe places for the Cottonelle to hide now, all the best with your new machine!!!
May 11, 2010 at 5:49 pm
Nice work! I don’t know if the God-Poetry CD lady will put in a good word for you with the Big Guy upstairs, though, until you get that potty mouth under control at least.
May 11, 2010 at 5:51 pm
Yeah, this made me cry, dammit.
May 11, 2010 at 6:03 pm
Yeah team Regretsy!!
#19- that’s Namaste Chicken bitches!!!
May 11, 2010 at 6:14 pm
Wow, this totally made up for a crappy day at work, you guys are incredibly cool. I love the sewing machine diagram, I’m going to have to get a mug or something with it.
May 11, 2010 at 6:14 pm
This way we earn enough karma to snark without guilt.
This paycheck: finally bought the book
Next paycheck: I want that fucking mug
Helen, I found something awesome for your collection of music when you come to Portland. It’s got a bow on it and everything.
You (and all of you regretsians) make the internet not suck.
May 11, 2010 at 6:17 pm
See, our vaginas aren’t so saggy.
Well, Skully’s is, but the rest of us…
May 11, 2010 at 6:21 pm
#31@bootsychoo, uh , you forgot Stretch65. I have reason to believe his might be shall we say ‘broken in.’
EWWWWWW, but hey -I heard it directly from god.
May 11, 2010 at 6:23 pm
FSM tells me that snark-o-leptic and joshpincus have nothing to vagazzle either.
May 11, 2010 at 6:23 pm
Oh damn, ISUS is vagina free too.
May 11, 2010 at 6:24 pm
I just clicked on the link that Helen posted on Twitter and now my brain is bleeding and I have a stomach ache.
May 11, 2010 at 6:27 pm
I might be going out on a line here but I ‘d venture to say that coolpauper & billsbayou are vagooless.
Well , they might…. oh nevermind.NMFB
May 11, 2010 at 6:28 pm
#32 hamoza “I heard it directly from god.”
Was it a crappy poem?
May 11, 2010 at 6:29 pm
going out on a limb, Fuck. Anyway, sometimes you have to go out on a limb to get the ripe fruit.
May 11, 2010 at 6:30 pm
Ya Snark, it was nothing short of craptastic.
May 11, 2010 at 6:31 pm
hamoza, if you watch the video Helen posted you’ll have an excuse for everything from this point on. I just suffered irreversible brain damaged.
May 11, 2010 at 6:49 pm
suda,I took that bait. I looked, I watched, I cringed at levels off the chart. Nearly bit my tongue off when I saw the Abbey Road alteration.
I’m a long time music lover, music of many kinds.
Speechless, & I could use any excuses , thank you!
May 11, 2010 at 6:58 pm
I want that shirt. I will never be able to fill my bobins with thread without laughing. LOL “bobinator”.
Now, my mom was a seamstress and I’d love to get her one of these, can you make one in French?
“La gogosse a volants” sounds just about right.
May 11, 2010 at 7:01 pm
#37 you’ll have to get your answer from snark and suda – and there is nothing wrong with being good at something
“Shut your hole – mine’s making money”
—-Lawanda Page
May 11, 2010 at 7:21 pm
I want to know when you’re going to sell a plastic “fuckery” logo for me to hot glue to my sewing machine, and my car, and some other random appliances in my house (the toaster, for sure)
May 11, 2010 at 7:53 pm
Fuck yeah!
And now I want ‘fuckery’ emblazoned on my sewing machine. Maybe I should ask that goatse Mac sticker guy.
May 11, 2010 at 8:00 pm
Helen, you rock. Regretsians, you are all kinds of awesome. This lurker tips her tacky-eared, spot-covered cap to you all.
And thanks for the radio-edit Zazzle goodies – my Xmas shopping is DONE! Woo Hoo!!!
May 11, 2010 at 8:25 pm
I like to pretend that my little unemployed contribution helped to fund the door over the cryhole.
May 11, 2010 at 9:02 pm
Dude, quicker than I could buy my mug! (Why didn’t someone TELL me you can do a 15-oz for two more bucks? I’d have so many more mugs by now!) Next I’m really going to have to decide what I want “Namaste bitches!” printed on.
May 11, 2010 at 10:21 pm
You guys rock! Thank you, each and everyone.
May 12, 2010 at 12:07 am
Um, is it just me or is the radio edit version also a little, uh, cheeky? In the nether regions just below the wheel of numbers? Oooh, a tad awesomesaucy!
May 12, 2010 at 3:26 am
Gunfunnit … now I have a huge lump in my throat. Been away for a couple of days and I come back to this explosion of f…king good hearts. Darn it, Killer … you’ve gone and done it again. And the rest of the Regretsy gang have chipped in.
My guy keeps telling me Regretsy’s message boards are full of foul mouthing off and I keep telling him that there are a lot of good minds and huge hearts here.
Now you’ve made my case for me. Case closed Love ya all.
May 12, 2010 at 3:52 am
Again, Regretsy restores my faith in humanity.
)
May 12, 2010 at 4:15 am
Man that was fast! Can’t wait to see the fuckery that baby throw out.
May 12, 2010 at 6:01 am
The Fuckery Machine photo needs to be available on these items as well!!!
Way to go, what an awesome gift.
May 12, 2010 at 7:07 am
I was going to write something snarky but I thought “just shut up and hand over your money!”
May 12, 2010 at 7:22 am
A site who’s wit rivals Socrates,
Helps a woman who’s down on her luck (and knees)
“You’re husband’s in chemo?”
“Have a machine that’s just primo,”
“And embroider us some whimsicle fuckeries!”
May 12, 2010 at 7:24 am
The storm rages on
Alone or in pairs we sob
The helping heart saves
May 12, 2010 at 7:50 am
Thanks for the poster! As promised, I ordered one. And two Namaste Bitches magnets. Heh.
May 12, 2010 at 8:02 am
So cool! I decided to get the mug so I can have the PG version. It will have a place of pride on my desk soon!!!
May 12, 2010 at 8:28 am
I am so happy to hear that – and so glad I was part of it!
May 12, 2010 at 8:35 am
I’m off to Zazzle! I will be wearing a Radio Edit version to Global Finals in a few weeks, and it just so happens that my sewing table doubles as my laptop desk, so I believe a mousepad is order, too. Thank you!
May 12, 2010 at 10:19 am
Way to go!!
May 12, 2010 at 11:45 am
‘shmoilet shmaper’
Helen ,you’re the hottest part of the San Fernando Valley.
May 12, 2010 at 12:03 pm
Is “bajingo” officially a naughty word now? I am saddened that it had to go the way of “fuckstick”.
May 12, 2010 at 12:10 pm
@ #65, I don’t think it’s a dirty word, exactly. Though it is a euphemism for vagina, and that might be too much to explain to the ladies in your sewing circle.
May 12, 2010 at 12:29 pm
#66 Helen, it depends on the sewing circle.
May 12, 2010 at 1:26 pm
…and to think Helen was calling “bajingo” games at a gay bar just a few years ago…
O-69 !!!!(followed by a Bevis and Butthead “heh heh”
May 13, 2010 at 6:58 am
I will not rest until everything in my house says fuckery. How awesome is that?
December 27, 2010 at 4:19 pm
You just rock in so many ways, HK!
September 20, 2011 at 8:12 pm
Having had to bow down to past advertisements, I bought one of them tee-shirts.
Wonder what will happen when I wear it to the TargetStore for some ziggy shorts…
January 10, 2012 at 10:04 pm
It is always nice to hear a story of a custom made item on regretsy that really helps another person’s life. I feel that she is someone who really deserves this sewing machine. I hope to hear more stories like this on the site.