Top 10 Horrible Necklaces
10. SHOUT IT OUT
Laundry day has never been more glamorous
_________________________________________________
9. WAVES OF NAUSEA
This necklace was so bad, the seller had to add an annex to hold all the ugly
_________________________________________________
8. GIVE PEAS A CHANCE
This reminds me of the time I got food poisoning on Thanksgiving
_________________________________________________
7. COSTUME DROOLERY
Everything in your grandma’s jewelry box at once, coated with saliva
_________________________________________________
6. MAHALO
Someone upcycled the Hawaiian visor they got on their Carnival cruise
_________________________________________________
5. WUTHERING SHITE
“My lilian asterfield label embodies the independent spirit of an english country manor, wild adventures in the forest, horse back rides, scraped knees hidden by billowing skirts atop laced boots, and a tumbleweed of raven hair.”
_________________________________________________
4. DR. HORRIBLE’S STRING ALONG BLOB
Raggedy Ann’s placenta
_________________________________________________
3. FLAVOR FLAV GOES TO CLOWN COLLEGE
Also available in black for all your formal circus needs
_________________________________________________
2. DANCES WITH PLASTIC
NATIVE AMERICAN CULTURE: YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG
_________________________________________________
AND THE NUMBER ONE HORRIBLE NECKLACE IS . . .
1. WEAVE IT TO BEAVER
Jennifer Lopez washes hers in Evian
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
Screen caps:
May 10, 2010 at 9:35 am
Wow. I got about half way through and my eyes started to bleed.
May 10, 2010 at 9:38 am
I am totally going to list the necklace my 5yo just made me for mother’s day. It is head shoulders & weave above this shit.
May 10, 2010 at 9:42 am
Congratulations! It’s a ten-way tie for last!
May 10, 2010 at 9:44 am
I think #1 has dandruff.
May 10, 2010 at 9:45 am
Bib necklace: where you display your craft room’s vomit.
May 10, 2010 at 9:47 am
I’m trying to figure out where all the ‘genuine human hair’ comes from that the #1 chick is using to make here necklaces.
May 10, 2010 at 9:47 am
Great, just by looking at some of those, now I need an appointment with my chiropractor.
May 10, 2010 at 9:48 am
Do people really wear this shit? Wait, did I just insult the word shit?
May 10, 2010 at 9:51 am
#1: “A statement jewelry piece which is guaranteed to turn heads for all the right reasons.”
You are misinterpreting those neck-snapping double-takes.
May 10, 2010 at 9:52 am
@PaintedKitty #6
Vietnam and Malaysia. Selling your hair is so popular over there, for a while the news was even reporting “hair bandits” that were cutting off women’s hair on buses and in crowded train stations. Imagine getting home and realizing that your four-foot ponytail was suddenly a bob.
It would piss me off even more if that happened to me, and that necklace was the result.
May 10, 2010 at 9:55 am
Is ‘bib necklace’ Etsyspeak for ‘I glued a bunch of crap on some massive surface to hang awkwardly around your neck, ending in an unflattering place’?
May 10, 2010 at 9:56 am
OK… those are the most horrible gorgets ever! Please someone photoshop them onto some historic British officers?
May 10, 2010 at 10:06 am
Things must be really bad all over the place when you turn to these necklaces to “upgrade” your appearance.
May 10, 2010 at 10:08 am
How to know you really suck? You’re listed TWO times in a top ten list on regretsy…(#9 and #8)…
“I mean really, maybe I should list what isn’t on this necklace. Um, there’s no fur or hair, no shells, no pom poms.”
Well, thank god for that!
May 10, 2010 at 10:09 am
ooh I think this one is even worse… http://www.etsy.com/listing/39693676/limited-edition-human-hair-leather-stud?ref=v1_other_2
May 10, 2010 at 10:09 am
These are so awesome!
It’s like Intervention, they make me feel good about myself.
May 10, 2010 at 10:15 am
#9 IscreamUscream :
You are right when you say “neck-snapping double-takes.”
May 10, 2010 at 10:17 am
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3302/4595474603_ea9b4dec68_o.jpg
May 10, 2010 at 10:19 am
At least #2, admitting she actually wants to keep this disrespectful abomination, prices it within reach. NOT that it will make anyone more tempted to buy it…
May 10, 2010 at 10:24 am
For a Monday morning, this Pandoras box of fuckery, this salad bar of bad taste is so vast, one should take small helpings.It appears that the ‘tumbleweed of ravens hair(#5) got creme rinsed & became part of #1′s ‘weave it to beaver’necklace.
Wearable abortions , all.
May 10, 2010 at 10:24 am
Ok, I did it myself… George Washington, from 1772, first the original painting, and the the “upcycled” versions, wearing #6, 8, and 9
May 10, 2010 at 10:24 am
and the LINK is here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/voxwoman/sets/72157624033638198/
May 10, 2010 at 10:26 am
Whatever happened to ‘less is more’?
May 10, 2010 at 10:27 am
I think we’re missing the true horror here: now that they’ve found each other on Regretsy, there’s a chance these crafters might collaborate. Plus, if these things become fashionable we’re looking at a generation’s worth of posture problems.
May 10, 2010 at 10:27 am
#10 CreepyLittleGirl
Wow… just wow. That is so crazy! I was going to ask if they robbed a Locks of Love shipment, but was afraid it would be gauche.
PS: I love your creepy icon. How do I get my own icon on this thing? I have not been able to figure that out yet!
May 10, 2010 at 10:29 am
@23 you have to upload it at http://en.gravatar.com/
May 10, 2010 at 10:31 am
Does anyone else think the #4 blob, salmon crochet necklace , looks like fish that has been stuck dowmstream and pawed at by a bear?
May 10, 2010 at 10:33 am
@25 hamoza: I couldn’t seem to get past the slick vaginal look of #4 but now that you mention it….
May 10, 2010 at 10:37 am
@suda #26,there is no shortage of possible abominations to associate with any of these….
on another note, I hope all of you ‘Muthas’ had a great day yesterday!
May 10, 2010 at 10:37 am
#20 Buzzkill: I never realized how much Will Ferrell looks like George Washington. Also, I could totally see Will wearing some of these pieces.
May 10, 2010 at 10:52 am
On neckthing #7, there’s actually a nice little vintage (real not fake looking) unicorn pin. It’s a bit of a Where’s Waldo to find it. Too bad she put in so much effort to hide it.
May 10, 2010 at 10:52 am
OK – necklace number one is indeed ugly…but the model wearing it is intensely beautiful and has a stunning bosom. So pretty!
May 10, 2010 at 10:55 am
#14 raz: And she’s from New Orleans. She needs to have her attic full of Mardi Gras beads taken away & her glue gun license revoked.*
*This is why I’m in favor of glue gun licensure.
May 10, 2010 at 10:59 am
If you’re going to make jewelry with human hair, could you at least trim off the split ends, please?!?
May 10, 2010 at 11:01 am
I’m also in favor of a glue gun license, & add to that a penalty for using more than ten disparate items on a single piece, with the penalty compounding for each item over 15.
May 10, 2010 at 11:01 am
Just learned about bib necklaces this weekend and spent some time looking for these into the wee hours on Friday night. Glad to see my fav #6 made this list. I didn’t see nearly this many horrors, though. You are definitely a queen, Helen.
I’m sad the native american has already sold. I was hoping it would give me some ‘cred’ at the next pow wow. I wonder if there is a John Wayne’s teeth version? that would rock.
May 10, 2010 at 11:03 am
Ah, thank you Regretsy for making the macaroni necklace I got for Mother’s Day seem like the Hope Diamond compared to these disasters.
May 10, 2010 at 11:06 am
Jeezzuz, that so called native american necklace thingy sold. Still trying to massacre Indian culture after 500 years.
May 10, 2010 at 11:13 am
“My label embodies the independent spirit of an english country manor…scraped knees hidden by billowing skirts atop laced boots”
Scraped knees?? What, Heathcliff wouldn’t even let Catherine kneel on his topcoat? No wonder she married Edgar Linton.
May 10, 2010 at 11:14 am
I got one of those plastic Natives when I bought the “Indian in the Cupboard” VHS tape for my kid (yes, that’s how long ago it was – there were no DVDs yet!)
May 10, 2010 at 11:28 am
Speaking of bad native American shit, I bet the maker of #1 scalped someone for that …..
May 10, 2010 at 11:33 am
@41 hamoza: Damn, I was going to get #2 for you as a belated birthday gift, but it sold.
May 10, 2010 at 11:36 am
Why would anyone want or need a tit merkin?
May 10, 2010 at 11:38 am
#42@ suda, You’re such a tease!It would have gone so well with my pigeon feather & squirrel poop felted loin cloth (bought on Etsy of course) There ‘s always next year….
May 10, 2010 at 11:41 am
#43 — just think of all the happy Burt Reynolds impersonators out there! Now they can finally have some serious chest hair.
May 10, 2010 at 11:57 am
Thanks, Regretsy, for introducing me to the new fad of “bib necklaces”…and to think, I stupidly gave up bibs 30-some years ago.
I can see the advertising now: Bibs! Not just for babies and old people who drool anymore.
May 10, 2010 at 12:07 pm
Thanks HK for pointing out what I have been doing wrong all this time.
I’m going to get drunk and throw myself in front of a bus….
May 10, 2010 at 12:34 pm
I think I’ve come up with a way to make the human hair bib worse-pink rollers & hair spray.
May 10, 2010 at 12:38 pm
#48 – what about pink hair spray and roller skates? (roller skants?)
May 10, 2010 at 1:01 pm
roffle! Number one aint so bad you could hold it up to your face and spice up your Taliban impersonation!
May 10, 2010 at 1:09 pm
#6 PaintedKitty :
I’m trying to figure out where all the ‘genuine human hair’ comes from that the #1 chick is using to make here necklaces.
*******************
It’s the hair from the writer of this article…..from Boston!
http://www.regretsy.com/2010/05/04/wicked-retahded/
May 10, 2010 at 1:18 pm
As a jewelry maker, I was having trouble embracing the concept of bib necklaces. Now I know I never will.
May 10, 2010 at 1:32 pm
10 Perfect examples of why crystal meth and a hot glue gun are a bad combination…
May 10, 2010 at 1:37 pm
It’s PETA-friendly because it’s made from HUMAN hair! On a side note, I bet that guy from Black Eyed Peas is crapping his pants over it!
BWAHAHAHAHA
May 10, 2010 at 1:51 pm
What a wonderful collection! 1, 2 and 3 are the best! I played with a “Native American Indian” figure when I went to visit my grandma when I was a little girl- it brings back memories,but not of jewelry. I would really like to see someone wearing these on the street.
May 10, 2010 at 2:06 pm
Lillian Disasterfield should not be allowed to write copy.
May 10, 2010 at 2:18 pm
Big surprise: only 1 item has sold.
Nicole Deponte is truly full of herself, now isn’t she? Her lilian asterfield designs evokes nothing of the “independent spirit of an english country manor” although I never knew a country manor had spirit.
May 10, 2010 at 3:10 pm
As a teen I had a summer job at an injection-molding plastics factory. Once a day the machines would be drained of leftover plastic, the hot puddles hardening into big colorful cowpies. They looked so cool I always wanted to do something with them but never came up with the right idea.
Seeing these necklaces, particularly #7, I now see my missed opportunity.
And as always, any adornment made with human body parts, be it hair, teeth, nails or skin, is just EEEEEWWWWEEEEEAAAUUGGHH.
May 10, 2010 at 3:38 pm
How did the person land on $35.00 for the human hair necklace? I’d like to see that market research.
May 10, 2010 at 4:03 pm
I hate to part with this piece… I do so love black culture. But make me an offer. I added a little crack pipe and a piece of fried chicken to add authenticity.
May 10, 2010 at 4:03 pm
Ooops… there it is.
May 10, 2010 at 4:12 pm
You forgot the watermelon # 60 @ Yzziefrog but close enough, in fact you nailed it.
May 10, 2010 at 5:16 pm
Is the native american on a surfboard?
May 10, 2010 at 5:59 pm
RE: SHOUT IT OUT: because even clowns have to have priests
RE: WAVES OF NAUSEA: vitamins! grandma’s hard candy! and a watch! om nom nom nom!
RE: COSTUME DROOLERY: Helen, are you sure this is a necklace? Because I think the addition of the unicorn makes it a very smart loincloth
RE: MAHALO: shhh, don’t talk to that cousin. She wears tinfoil hats, excretes sequins, and wreaks havoc on hideous tourist visors.
May 10, 2010 at 6:03 pm
RE: WUTHERING SHITE: Woah, its like the bathroom wallpaper and grandma’s ratty overcoat had sex and shot this out 9 months later.
RE: DR. HORRIBLE’S STRING ALONG BLOB: does it come with the sign for mandalay arthouse? That tag really ties all that shizz together
RE: Native American Necklace: was visiting Dublin and saw Peruvian dudes playing classic rock on pan flutes dressed in full leather, headdresses and moccasins. Yessir, that’s what Europe sees when it thinks “Native…
May 10, 2010 at 6:24 pm
#62 hamoza:
I do believe you are right – I had thought of corn, but a watermelon would have been perfect.
There should be a whole International Collection of these… little Mexican napping, little French dude with a baguette and a white flag… the possibilities are endless!
May 10, 2010 at 6:35 pm
#66@ Yzziefrog- and as a Jewess who doesn’t at all fit the description of a JAP-thats Jewish American princess y’all,with beautifully manicured nails & such,I would pose , in profile of course, with a bunch of bagels and fat sack of $$$$,or whatever it is we supposedly eat , have & do.
May 10, 2010 at 6:57 pm
Oh, for FUCK’S SAKE. I get home from work and there’s been a bibakke party.
Just sloppily ate a cheap mexican tv dinner, and now my shirt is wearable art! IT’S WHIMSICLE.
May 10, 2010 at 8:47 pm
#61 Yzziefrog :
You can’t go wrong with classic stereotypes.
Because everybody knows them.
Congratulations.
May 10, 2010 at 9:31 pm
Those crazy Amish kids and their modern couture…
http://i990.photobucket.com/albums/af28/sunshynegrll/amish.jpg
May 10, 2010 at 10:28 pm
#70 Vile & Evil Debbie Downer
I guess working on the farm really does put hair on your chest.
May 11, 2010 at 5:52 pm
Ugh, at that price, the hair on that necklace was most definitely from someone who would rather have kept it if she hadn’t been dirt poor, if she had the choice at all. Nasty display of dehumanisation there.
What’s with the zipper bow-tie at $68?!
Rightly named, Nichole Deponte is Pretentious(TM).
I don’t mind Waves Of Nausea’s Brain Matter necklace in blue though, I think it’s kinda cool. Still think bib necklaces are spectacularly fail-prone though.
May 12, 2010 at 11:39 pm
“Human Hair and Leather Strap Necklace”… human hair and human leather?
May 13, 2010 at 7:01 am
#73: Apparently that’s Ed Gein’s Etsy shop.
June 22, 2010 at 1:10 am
http://www.etsy.com/forums_thread.php?thread_id=6552532&page=1
July 6, 2010 at 7:34 pm
“i love the native american culture” … does she?
June 22, 2011 at 2:03 am
Interesting creations here, though I have to say most of the jewelry designs look rather appalling than usual. No wonder they are “one-of-a-kind”.
July 13, 2011 at 2:08 am
Although I could say most are ghastly in design, this is not fair, as I am certain some find these pieces delightful and at the end of the day it is the individual choice that counts.
December 19, 2011 at 6:02 pm
Most people put on jewellery to enhance their looks or to become more fashionable. These necklaces would surely provide the exact opposite effect. Though the people who made them might have put in some effort, I wonder who would willingly put them on.