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Sewing Machine Fund

Posted by Helen Killer

40 comments

Donation link disabled – machine has been purchased!

We are raising funds to buy a professional sewing machine for an Etsy seller in need.

Some of you have asked to donate cash directly to the sewing machine fund. You can use the link above to donate any amount.

You can also use this Amazon link to buy my book, and all royalties will go into this fund, as well as an additional 5% contribution by Amazon.

When we reach the halfway point, I will write a check for the other half.

Thanks for helping!

UPDATE: Zazzle merchandise of the sewing machine diagram is now available!

Sewing machine mousepad

Sewing machine T-shirt

Sewing machine Mug

Filed in Whimsicle Fuckery 40 comments

40 Comments

Add Comment

May 10, 2010
7:07 pm

#1 razberries :

COOL! finally! and thank you!
(can this be used for future alchemy donations, too?)

Rate this comment: +6

May 10, 2010
7:10 pm

#2 Radical Militant Librarian :

Thank you! I’ll be making my donation on Friday, when I get paid… I’m happy to help!

Rate this comment: +4

May 10, 2010
7:11 pm

#3 mtopia :

That diagram is so zazzle-worthy!

Rate this comment: +15

May 10, 2010
7:17 pm

#4 catvoncat :

Done! And now I feel all warm and fuzzy. But that’s probably just the humidity.

Rate this comment: +10

May 10, 2010
7:20 pm

#5 SueR :

There are parts of my sewing machine that I don’t want to touch anymore now that I’ve seen this diagram.

Rate this comment: +18

May 10, 2010
7:34 pm

#6 Patty has been abducted by an Alien :

Wow, that’s a fancy-ass sewing machine!

Rate this comment: +4

May 10, 2010
7:36 pm

#7 hamoza :

No wonder I’ve been having trouble with my new Brother. I was fiddling with the tension in his foot & should have been minding his fuckstick quaffle.

Rate this comment: +28

May 10, 2010
7:37 pm

#8 HelenaHandbasket :

Done and done! She must be an expert seamstress. If I were to have a sewing machine tailored to my skills, it would need a MUCH larger cryhole.

Rate this comment: +24

May 10, 2010
7:38 pm

#9 Vile & Evil Debbie Downer :

ROFLMAO. Funniest sewing machine ever. I agree – totally zazzleworthy!

(Now I know what’s wrong with my sewing machines… NO FLOUNCE ATTATCHMENT.)

Rate this comment: +12

May 10, 2010
7:42 pm

#10 Vile & Evil Debbie Downer :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -3

May 10, 2010
7:47 pm

#11 Snark-o-leptic Cesar :

Does it cost more with a wet felted cooter?

I love those!

Rate this comment: +6

May 10, 2010
7:54 pm

#12 Raen :

I love that this sewing machine is approximately 11 parts fuckery, 6 parts nerd, and one part Outback Steakhouse.

I need me one.

Also, my bobbinator is broken on my sewing machine. This makes me very sad, as it is quite hard to spool thread on my taint with a mangled bobbinator!

Rate this comment: +33

May 10, 2010
8:38 pm

#13 IscreamUscream :

Shameless plug time!

I’ve put 3 cognac diamonds up on Etsy–and 100% of the proceeds after listing costs will go towards the sewing machine. They’re quite pretty stones–and for a good price!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/naturestones

Rate this comment: +12

May 10, 2010
8:52 pm

#14 spiritwunion :

OMG. If you zazzle this I will TOTALLY buy stuff…this is right about how I feel about those contraptions. Worlds of mystery! XD

Rate this comment: +5

May 10, 2010
9:33 pm

#15 bootsychoo :

#7 hamoza: You should never touch your Brother’s fuckstick quaffle. Instead, you should toggle your bajingo repeatedly until the urge subsides.

Rate this comment: +19

May 10, 2010
10:03 pm

#16 Snark-o-leptic Cesar :

Oh look!

In this design the fuckstick quaffle is conveniently located right next to the golden snitch.

They thought of everything.

Rate this comment: +10

May 10, 2010
10:14 pm

#17 Whawhawhatsis :

That machine is fucking BRILLIANT. A donation will be made in a few days when more $$ arrives. In the meantime, a mug is winging its way to my house. Which I will use every time I even THINK of using my sewing machine!

Rate this comment: +5

May 10, 2010
10:53 pm

#18 robinsnest357 :

No wonder I am not able to get anything to work, I’ve been playing with the bloomin onion instead of the bajingo. Darn it anyway.

Rate this comment: +7

May 10, 2010
11:21 pm

#19 CrossedPromise :

This is so amazing I don’t even have words.
I love you April.
I want a mug as soon as I have money.

Rate this comment: +6

May 11, 2010
12:08 am

#20 Street Corner Hooker :

THIS IS THE BEST DIAGRAM I HAVE EVER SEEN.

In all seriousness, for your Alchemy fund projects and all, I’m growing a serious fondness for you, April. Like I’d go half-price for you. For realsies.

Rate this comment: +9

May 11, 2010
12:42 am

#21 pantsmonkey :

Gah! Ya got me! Zazzled, Amazoned, and Paypaled! I had some stuff I needed to get anyway, so I got it (and the book) through the Amazon link. And I had Zazzle bucks to spend.

Rate this comment: +4

May 11, 2010
2:38 am

#22 MelissaSue :

From this day forward I shall only refer to my bobbins as “taints”.

Rate this comment: +6

May 11, 2010
5:49 am

#23 nitebyrd :

Being totally broke, it still only took a nanosecond for me to decide to give up buying lunch for the next week and buy a Sewing Machine t-shirt. It’s actually a win-win, I get to order a smaller size shirt and the Fund gets more money!

Rate this comment: +10

May 11, 2010
6:02 am

#24 Srsly :

I really want to think of something clever and witty to say, but all I can think about is whether it would be morally wrong to continue to tell my husband he’s my Favorite Person, Ever when April has now officially surpassed him on my list of Most Favorite People, Ever.

Rate this comment: +10

May 11, 2010
6:10 am

#25 Fnarf :

You got me with “cryhole”, which is exactly what it is whenever I try to sew. Cryhole of a million tangles.

Rate this comment: +12

May 11, 2010
8:40 am

#26 PikaJen :

Can you make this a poster? I want to hang one in my sewing room pronto.

Rate this comment: +5

May 11, 2010
9:28 am

#27 Skully :

Brilliant illustration! Does that sewing machine come with a cornhole bag dust cover? How about a blumpkin attachment?

Rate this comment: +7

May 11, 2010
9:46 am

#28 Wednesday :

Holy crap, looks like I’m going to be spending lunch picking ramen out of my keyboard. I have to teach my Destination Imagination team kids basic sewing skills every year, and I would love to use this diagram as a teaching aid. Probably could’ve done so had it not been for “fuckstick”, the most appropriately named item because that fucker DOES stick.

Rate this comment: +3

May 11, 2010
9:51 am

#29 Helen Killer :

@ #28, I’ve gotten a few requests for a “clean” version, so I’m going to do that today and make it available in the store. I’m really surprised at how much people like this!

Rate this comment: +7

May 11, 2010
9:55 am

#30 logrita :

@#25 Fnarf: Exactly! I have cried many times because of that hole.

And I can’t stop snorking at bajingo.

Rate this comment: +3

May 11, 2010
10:13 am

#31 spandy :

Sniffle, sniffle.
I miss my Golden Touch & Sew!! We spent so many happy productive years together.
Where’s my cryhole???
How can a person love a machine so much?

Rate this comment: +1

May 11, 2010
10:38 am

#32 lulubelly :

Completely fucking amazing! You have totally captured the tolerate-hate relationship I’ve had with every automatic sewing contraption I have ever owned.

Rate this comment: +2

May 11, 2010
1:07 pm

#33 mickey :

Re #29– I would welcome a ‘clean’ version so much! I was going to just donate; now I’ll just donate AND be able to buy a shirt!

My story– I used to chat with some gals online at a chat board and wound up making a costume for one of ‘em. While I was working on it my computerized machine broke and was deemed unrepairable. I hauled out the standby and fought with it to get the costume done. The gals knew from other convos that my new sewing machine fund money had gone to a household…

Rate this comment: +5

May 11, 2010
1:22 pm

#34 mickey :

…repair emergency. They decided to chip in and ‘Paypal’ed me some money to start a new fund. Their kindness meant the world to me. It’s time to pay it forward.

Rate this comment: +7

May 11, 2010
6:47 pm

#35 geektastic :

Could we have an R rated t-shirt? or tote bag? It would go so nicely with my “Shop with a reusable bag b*tch!” bag.

Rate this comment: +2

May 12, 2010
2:33 am

#36 laughinglurker :

Bless your black, shriveled heart April, and all of the Regretsians who came through for this Alchemy Project!

What a great thing you’ve all done!

Bravi!

Rate this comment: 0

May 12, 2010
9:52 pm

#37 piggypoo :

Fuck I was laughing so hard when I got down to cryhole, taint, and flounce attachment that I actually peed in my pants a little. Guess I’ll be upping my rep count on the daily kegels. Thanks Regretsy!!

Rate this comment: +1

May 13, 2010
7:00 am

#38 beqi :

*chokes on gum*

Rate this comment: 0

May 15, 2010
10:12 pm

#39 May-kit Myway :

My dilithium crystal is broken… can I upgrade to a beryllium sphere? Just curious on what the price difference would be?

Rate this comment: +1

May 20, 2010
6:46 pm

#40 mapleleaves :

I swear, I didn’t know that “Bajingo” was a dirty word.

Rate this comment: 0