Sewing Machine Fund
Donation link disabled – machine has been purchased!
We are raising funds to buy a professional sewing machine for an Etsy seller in need.
Some of you have asked to donate cash directly to the sewing machine fund. You can use the link above to donate any amount.
You can also use this Amazon link to buy my book, and all royalties will go into this fund, as well as an additional 5% contribution by Amazon.
When we reach the halfway point, I will write a check for the other half.
Thanks for helping!
UPDATE: Zazzle merchandise of the sewing machine diagram is now available!
Sewing machine mousepad
Sewing machine T-shirt
Sewing machine Mug
May 10, 2010 at 7:07 pm
COOL! finally! and thank you!
(can this be used for future alchemy donations, too?)
May 10, 2010 at 7:10 pm
Thank you! I’ll be making my donation on Friday, when I get paid… I’m happy to help!
May 10, 2010 at 7:11 pm
That diagram is so zazzle-worthy!
May 10, 2010 at 7:17 pm
Done! And now I feel all warm and fuzzy. But that’s probably just the humidity.
May 10, 2010 at 7:20 pm
There are parts of my sewing machine that I don’t want to touch anymore now that I’ve seen this diagram.
May 10, 2010 at 7:34 pm
Wow, that’s a fancy-ass sewing machine!
May 10, 2010 at 7:36 pm
No wonder I’ve been having trouble with my new Brother. I was fiddling with the tension in his foot & should have been minding his fuckstick quaffle.
May 10, 2010 at 7:37 pm
Done and done! She must be an expert seamstress. If I were to have a sewing machine tailored to my skills, it would need a MUCH larger cryhole.
May 10, 2010 at 7:38 pm
ROFLMAO. Funniest sewing machine ever. I agree – totally zazzleworthy!
(Now I know what’s wrong with my sewing machines… NO FLOUNCE ATTATCHMENT.)
May 10, 2010 at 7:42 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
May 10, 2010 at 7:47 pm
Does it cost more with a wet felted cooter?
I love those!
May 10, 2010 at 7:54 pm
I love that this sewing machine is approximately 11 parts fuckery, 6 parts nerd, and one part Outback Steakhouse.
I need me one.
Also, my bobbinator is broken on my sewing machine. This makes me very sad, as it is quite hard to spool thread on my taint with a mangled bobbinator!
May 10, 2010 at 8:38 pm
Shameless plug time!
I’ve put 3 cognac diamonds up on Etsy–and 100% of the proceeds after listing costs will go towards the sewing machine. They’re quite pretty stones–and for a good price!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/naturestones
May 10, 2010 at 8:52 pm
OMG. If you zazzle this I will TOTALLY buy stuff…this is right about how I feel about those contraptions. Worlds of mystery! XD
May 10, 2010 at 9:33 pm
#7 hamoza: You should never touch your Brother’s fuckstick quaffle. Instead, you should toggle your bajingo repeatedly until the urge subsides.
May 10, 2010 at 10:03 pm
Oh look!
In this design the fuckstick quaffle is conveniently located right next to the golden snitch.
They thought of everything.
May 10, 2010 at 10:14 pm
That machine is fucking BRILLIANT. A donation will be made in a few days when more $$ arrives. In the meantime, a mug is winging its way to my house. Which I will use every time I even THINK of using my sewing machine!
May 10, 2010 at 10:53 pm
No wonder I am not able to get anything to work, I’ve been playing with the bloomin onion instead of the bajingo. Darn it anyway.
May 10, 2010 at 11:21 pm
This is so amazing I don’t even have words.
I love you April.
I want a mug as soon as I have money.
May 11, 2010 at 12:08 am
THIS IS THE BEST DIAGRAM I HAVE EVER SEEN.
In all seriousness, for your Alchemy fund projects and all, I’m growing a serious fondness for you, April. Like I’d go half-price for you. For realsies.
May 11, 2010 at 12:42 am
Gah! Ya got me! Zazzled, Amazoned, and Paypaled! I had some stuff I needed to get anyway, so I got it (and the book) through the Amazon link. And I had Zazzle bucks to spend.
May 11, 2010 at 2:38 am
From this day forward I shall only refer to my bobbins as “taints”.
May 11, 2010 at 5:49 am
Being totally broke, it still only took a nanosecond for me to decide to give up buying lunch for the next week and buy a Sewing Machine t-shirt. It’s actually a win-win, I get to order a smaller size shirt and the Fund gets more money!
May 11, 2010 at 6:02 am
I really want to think of something clever and witty to say, but all I can think about is whether it would be morally wrong to continue to tell my husband he’s my Favorite Person, Ever when April has now officially surpassed him on my list of Most Favorite People, Ever.
May 11, 2010 at 6:10 am
You got me with “cryhole”, which is exactly what it is whenever I try to sew. Cryhole of a million tangles.
May 11, 2010 at 8:40 am
Can you make this a poster? I want to hang one in my sewing room pronto.
May 11, 2010 at 9:28 am
Brilliant illustration! Does that sewing machine come with a cornhole bag dust cover? How about a blumpkin attachment?
May 11, 2010 at 9:46 am
Holy crap, looks like I’m going to be spending lunch picking ramen out of my keyboard. I have to teach my Destination Imagination team kids basic sewing skills every year, and I would love to use this diagram as a teaching aid. Probably could’ve done so had it not been for “fuckstick”, the most appropriately named item because that fucker DOES stick.
May 11, 2010 at 9:51 am
@ #28, I’ve gotten a few requests for a “clean” version, so I’m going to do that today and make it available in the store. I’m really surprised at how much people like this!
May 11, 2010 at 9:55 am
@#25 Fnarf: Exactly! I have cried many times because of that hole.
And I can’t stop snorking at bajingo.
May 11, 2010 at 10:13 am
Sniffle, sniffle.
I miss my Golden Touch & Sew!! We spent so many happy productive years together.
Where’s my cryhole???
How can a person love a machine so much?
May 11, 2010 at 10:38 am
Completely fucking amazing! You have totally captured the tolerate-hate relationship I’ve had with every automatic sewing contraption I have ever owned.
May 11, 2010 at 1:07 pm
Re #29– I would welcome a ‘clean’ version so much! I was going to just donate; now I’ll just donate AND be able to buy a shirt!
My story– I used to chat with some gals online at a chat board and wound up making a costume for one of ‘em. While I was working on it my computerized machine broke and was deemed unrepairable. I hauled out the standby and fought with it to get the costume done. The gals knew from other convos that my new sewing machine fund money had gone to a household…
May 11, 2010 at 1:22 pm
…repair emergency. They decided to chip in and ‘Paypal’ed me some money to start a new fund. Their kindness meant the world to me. It’s time to pay it forward.
May 11, 2010 at 6:47 pm
Could we have an R rated t-shirt? or tote bag? It would go so nicely with my “Shop with a reusable bag b*tch!” bag.
May 12, 2010 at 2:33 am
Bless your black, shriveled heart April, and all of the Regretsians who came through for this Alchemy Project!
What a great thing you’ve all done!
Bravi!
May 12, 2010 at 9:52 pm
Fuck I was laughing so hard when I got down to cryhole, taint, and flounce attachment that I actually peed in my pants a little. Guess I’ll be upping my rep count on the daily kegels. Thanks Regretsy!!
May 13, 2010 at 7:00 am
*chokes on gum*
May 15, 2010 at 10:12 pm
My dilithium crystal is broken… can I upgrade to a beryllium sphere? Just curious on what the price difference would be?
May 20, 2010 at 6:46 pm
I swear, I didn’t know that “Bajingo” was a dirty word.
July 20, 2011 at 11:29 pm
Now I will see the sewing machine in a different light, no thanks to this illustration.