Somebody really likes stoneware.

On April 28th, Housing Works Bookstore in NYC is hosting a Regretsy book signing and live auction . Housing Works is a nonprofit bookstore and cafe, where all proceeds benefit homeless people living with HIV/AIDS.

If you see something here you want, come down to Housing Works and place a bid during the auction. The event starts at 7:00 PM, and all the details can be found here.

Thanks to Time Out New York for featuring the Regretsy Housing Works auction today!

ARTIST’S STATEMENT: “I shot this in October of last year, but the auction piece was completed yesterday. It’s a portrait of my friend and her daughter in Prospect Park. The title is “Clown Family” and framed it’s slightly under 17 inches square, framed and already wired to hang. All archival materials were used. This is a custom piece created for the auction, because I have never sold this particular photo before, and don’t sell prints of it in my Etsy shop.”

Scary ass clown portrait
By Mari Lowery Photography
Etsy Store: Frankenkitty
Value: $200

SWEET DREAMS, FUCKERS

- Submitted by The Long List of Things That Suck

Merrill Markoe is a five-time Emmy award winner for her work on Late Night with David Letterman. She created most of the original concepts for that show, including segments like “Stupid Pet Tricks”, “Stupid Human Tricks” and “Viewer Mail.”

I have loved and admired Merill for years, and I am out of my tiny mind that she agreed to be the first Regretsy guest contributor. Although I almost didn’t ask her, because I don’t want you to get used to real writing.

THE FIRST REGRETSY TYPO HALL OF FAME

There will always be a special place in my heart for spelling errors.

Here is a photo I took when I was on vacation:

Perhaps I love them so much because I was raised to fear them. My mother lived her life on an ever vigilant spelling patrol. Because she never left the house without a black sharpie in her purse, as we walked through the produce section of our local grocery store, her face would light up with joy whenever she spied a misspelled word she could correct. She was never more fulfilled than when she was drawing a black line through the E that someone had mistakenly put on the end of tomato; one of the two words she could count on more than any others for frequent misspellings. She was constantly on the lookout for signs that said “potatoe” or “tomatoe”, because she knew that although people often add an “e” to the singular, tomatoes and potatoes ONLY have an E when they are plural.

Hah! GOTCHA.

I can only imagine the joy that the internet, with its bad grammar and terrible typos, would have brought to my disgruntled mother. She would have become so famous for firing off critical comments to a million websites day and night that I would have had to change my last name. So for me, Mother’s Day comes a little early this year as I am honored to moderate the first Regretsy Typo Hall of Fame.

Helpful hint: When preparing to immortalize the depth and breadth of the love you feel in “pigmented inks that will last a lifetime”, its a good idea to make a brief stop at spellcheck first. On the other hand, if this artist had also left a space between the ‘all’ and the ‘ways’, she could have redeemed herself and perhaps had even more success by pretending that it was a pro gay marriage statement! Unfortunately, she goofed twice and spelled the word correctly in the description. Damn. She came so close to saving her own ass.

Cross stitching is such a painstaking and meticulous art. Weeks may have gone in to this misspelling of backwards. And I, for one, applaud that. In fact, I plan to buy several to put on my mother’s grave.

Remember what they taught you in grade school: I before E, except after steak? But that was so long ago, and since then you have matured, and found your own reasons for wanting a tote bag with a photo of a big piece of meat on it. Therefore I suppose it could be argued, in some ironic way, that your whole experience is only enhanced by having PEICE spelled incorrectly. I don’t have to tell you that when it comes to steak humor and tote bags, well, every illiterate detail just makes it a little bit tastier.

I can’t recall ever saying “Have a sweet day” to anyone, so the fact that the mug says “Sweat Day” is really kind of a trade off since I also can’t recall ever saying “Have a sweat day” to anyone. But sooner or later, someone is going to market a National Sweat Day, and when they do…HA! Because I was smart enough to buy a lot of these on sale, I’m going to be way ahead of the game!!

There is no H in wimp. But the way I see it, maybe its not too late for this artist to change the “W” to a “C”.

Those of us who would like a nice America sculptue prefer that our M’s be extra long and voluptuous. That way they’re much more sculptued. And that much more Ammmerican. I’m not sure why. They just are.

Occasionally, a misspelling is actually an improvement. I am going to use this spelling of “wore drove” from now on, and to hell with the editor who tries to make me correct it.

In closing, let me say thank you for sharing these blunders with me. And if you are looking for a funny book about dogs, my last novel just came out in paperback today. It’s called Nose Down, Eyes Up, and I’m sure it is full of misspellings. But when you find them, I’d just as soon you not tell me.