I wouldn’t make fun if the kid actually looked like that–but what’s the chances of that? I just can’t stop looking at it…It looks like he’s knawing on some kind of withered root vegetable despite the sad fact of having been born with no lower jaw.
Well, I guess we have a case of truth in advertising. They show you just how shitty their work can get. Although the one of the guy isn’t bad at all! If that was the only example, there’d be a lot of disappointed customers.
It’s not the artist’s fault if this person wanted their baby’s portrait done using a delivery room photograph. Next time wait until the baby is all the way out before you start creating your treasured heirlooms.
Can we see the photo that this came from? Really, if my child looked like this, I wouldn’t be asking for a charcoal portrait. A photo “before” plastic surgery would be sufficient.
It’s funny, but as the portraits “age,” they get way better. The toddler is alright (except for the teeth), and the portrait of the older man is actually pretty good. But WHAT is with those first few photos?? That hand is crrrrazy.
The parents of this child used a flatbed scanner to photograph their child. The question is: Did they roll the face across the bed as it scanned, or did they simply push harder on the scanner cover?
Looks like the new addition to the orangutan exhibit at the zoo.
I would cry if this is what my genetic makeup reproduced. Sorry, no baby should look like they just had their wisdom teeth removed.
Okay, when I first opened the site, I had to scroll down…thought the baby didn’t have a mouth at first.
Reminded me of “Twilight Zone- the movie” when Anthony wished his sister to be quiet and removed her mouth…
CA-REEEPYYYY
I have to admit that it has grown on me , and has some ethereal, redeeming qualities , deft handling of materials & subtlety. But it is hard to get past the lobster claw looking ‘hand ‘ or could that be a salmon filet?
It’s amazing, really. Look at the hands. It’s as if two different “artists” sketched this child. One hand is a cluster of carrot sausages and the other is a slice of blurry cake.
Oh, my GOD! Now that I’ve seen this aspect, I can’t unsee it. Or forget it. This will haunt me the rest of my days: The child is coming out of a watermelon’s vagina.
#42 @ Bill-after your streaming commentary re: the ‘sunshine sperm bowl’, I’m not sure if I should encourage you…totally kidding of course…
sure Norweiga by way of the moon!
The truly sad thing is someone has been telling him his whole life that he’s actually good at this. How sad. You have to tell kids the truth someday: “Hey, honey….I’ve been lying to you all of these years. Yeah, you really suck at this. Give it up.” See? That’s not so hard.
@ #30
it seems like there is way too much variation in talent for this artist to have done all these portraits, especially comparing the 4th and 5th thumbnails of the overalls kid and the man. unless the man is the most recent by a while and they don’t have enough other (better) portraits for examples??
#55 beluga, I noticed the same thing, but I thought it was because the artist was using different appendages to hold the charcoal: Left hand, right hand, feet, mouth, pencil in the ear, in the nose, up the…
I am going to employ this person to do portraits of every one of my family members and myself. Talk about amazing gifts, no one would ever accept a gift from me again. Off to scan/photocopy my face!
#40 BillsBayou : It’s amazing, really. Look at the hands. It’s as if two different “artists” sketched this child. One hand is a cluster of carrot sausages and the other is a slice of blurry cake.
OMG Bill! Thanks for the HUGE GUFFAW! What the fuck are “carrot sausages”?!? *snort*
#5 @Debbie Downer: it works, too. Chicken feet is good eatin’s.
In ‘defense’ of this artist, it is possible to have highly variable quality of work if your technique is not up to par. Her mistakes are plausibly consistent in my eye: she depends heavily on the photographs for placement of features, but doesn’t follow through on the shading or draw on proper anatomy fundamentals; thus, all of the pictures have a flat and outlined quality, even the last one.
#64 Snarkygirl: Carrot sausage just came to mind. Look at dem fingers! Oh the poor baby. If I made sausages, planted them in the ground, and waited a week or three, they’d look like that. Unless, of course, my dog dug them up and threw them at me.
April 27, 2010 at 9:34 am
There’s no link. Did you implement a Regretsy Seller Protection Program?
Fixed. Sorry, bad html. – HK
April 27, 2010 at 9:35 am
Crap! I actually physically jumped when this popped up. Is this Baby Sloth?
April 27, 2010 at 9:37 am
Baby Yoda?
April 27, 2010 at 9:37 am
I wouldn’t make fun if the kid actually looked like that–but what’s the chances of that? I just can’t stop looking at it…It looks like he’s knawing on some kind of withered root vegetable despite the sad fact of having been born with no lower jaw.
April 27, 2010 at 9:40 am
Little-known fact: chicken feet are used as pacifiers in East Asia. No shit.
April 27, 2010 at 9:41 am
Maybe the baby is eating its ears because they are missing.
April 27, 2010 at 9:42 am
Poor poor creepy little bebe, look like dim son.
April 27, 2010 at 9:43 am
At least the artist fully captured the baby’s faux-hawk.
April 27, 2010 at 9:43 am
Look at the shading on the upper lip. Must have taken like three hours.
April 27, 2010 at 9:48 am
@Monstrosa, only because his lip is the size of a normal baby’s face.
April 27, 2010 at 9:55 am
William Hung, the early years…
April 27, 2010 at 9:58 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
April 27, 2010 at 10:05 am
Babies are clearly not his strong point.
But he did good hair!
At least he got some depth in there unlike this baby:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/37091366/custom-charcoal-portrait-8×10?ref=sr_gallery_11&ga_search_query=custom+charcoal+portrait&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&includes%5B0%5D=tags&includes%5B1%5D=title
who looks like he’s being pressed in a microscope slide.
April 27, 2010 at 10:14 am
5 o’clock shadow?
That baby needs a shave and a haircut!
April 27, 2010 at 10:15 am
Well, I guess we have a case of truth in advertising. They show you just how shitty their work can get. Although the one of the guy isn’t bad at all! If that was the only example, there’d be a lot of disappointed customers.
April 27, 2010 at 10:19 am
poor mutant baby why would some one replace the hands with a dried up alien hand and what looks to be a wedge of cheese.
April 27, 2010 at 10:19 am
It’s not the artist’s fault if this person wanted their baby’s portrait done using a delivery room photograph. Next time wait until the baby is all the way out before you start creating your treasured heirlooms.
April 27, 2010 at 10:21 am
The baby is breathtaking, Elaine.
April 27, 2010 at 10:23 am
I can’t stop laughing. I can’t even read Helen’s description to the disabled guy because I’m laughing.
Now he thinks I’m even crazier than normal.
I DO feel bad about laughing this much, but part of it is all of your fault.
April 27, 2010 at 10:29 am
i’d like a custom portrait to celebrate and honor giving up a child for adoption, please
April 27, 2010 at 10:39 am
This is your baby on thalidomide.
April 27, 2010 at 10:40 am
Can we see the photo that this came from? Really, if my child looked like this, I wouldn’t be asking for a charcoal portrait. A photo “before” plastic surgery would be sufficient.
April 27, 2010 at 10:42 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
April 27, 2010 at 10:43 am
If I had a photograph of a baby that looked even anything remotely like this, I would do everything in my power not to commemorate it.
April 27, 2010 at 10:45 am
#22 I agree, I’d like the photos for comparison. For all we know the kid really could look like this.
The artist seems to have some skills, s/he can’t seem to put them all together cohesively.
April 27, 2010 at 10:46 am
I would be horrified if someone handed this back to me as a representation of what they thought my baby looked like!
April 27, 2010 at 10:52 am
Premature mumps? Nice hair tho’.
April 27, 2010 at 10:54 am
WHOA!
Not how I wanted to wake up this morning!
April 27, 2010 at 10:55 am
HOW IS BABBY (DE)FORMED??
April 27, 2010 at 10:58 am
It’s funny, but as the portraits “age,” they get way better. The toddler is alright (except for the teeth), and the portrait of the older man is actually pretty good. But WHAT is with those first few photos?? That hand is crrrrazy.
April 27, 2010 at 11:03 am
obviously, the artist is sensitive and specializes in portraits of “special” babies and people.
April 27, 2010 at 11:04 am
The parents of this child used a flatbed scanner to photograph their child. The question is: Did they roll the face across the bed as it scanned, or did they simply push harder on the scanner cover?
April 27, 2010 at 11:05 am
A face only a mother could love. And maybe an anthropologist too.
April 27, 2010 at 11:07 am
Looks like the new addition to the orangutan exhibit at the zoo.
I would cry if this is what my genetic makeup reproduced. Sorry, no baby should look like they just had their wisdom teeth removed.
April 27, 2010 at 11:14 am
I had a flashback to the tagline of a horror movie which came out in 1974: “There’s only one thing wrong with the Davis baby: it’s alive.”
April 27, 2010 at 11:21 am
My baby’s the catcher for the Yankees. Well, he’s the catcher’s mitt.
April 27, 2010 at 11:21 am
Okay, when I first opened the site, I had to scroll down…thought the baby didn’t have a mouth at first.
Reminded me of “Twilight Zone- the movie” when Anthony wished his sister to be quiet and removed her mouth…
CA-REEEPYYYY
April 27, 2010 at 11:21 am
Looks like Eraserheads baby.
April 27, 2010 at 11:23 am
I have to admit that it has grown on me , and has some ethereal, redeeming qualities , deft handling of materials & subtlety. But it is hard to get past the lobster claw looking ‘hand ‘ or could that be a salmon filet?
April 27, 2010 at 11:24 am
It’s amazing, really. Look at the hands. It’s as if two different “artists” sketched this child. One hand is a cluster of carrot sausages and the other is a slice of blurry cake.
April 27, 2010 at 11:26 am
Oh, my GOD! Now that I’ve seen this aspect, I can’t unsee it. Or forget it. This will haunt me the rest of my days: The child is coming out of a watermelon’s vagina.
(My lunch is churning in my stomach)
April 27, 2010 at 11:27 am
#39, Hamoza: That may indeed be a salmon filet. This child wouldn’t happen to be Norwegian, would it?
April 27, 2010 at 11:38 am
#42 @ Bill-after your streaming commentary re: the ‘sunshine sperm bowl’, I’m not sure if I should encourage you…totally kidding of course…
sure Norweiga by way of the moon!
April 27, 2010 at 11:44 am
p.s. & yes , I know Norweiga is not a country.
April 27, 2010 at 11:52 am
Hamoza, I’m not sure what came over me on that thread.
April 27, 2010 at 12:11 pm
Frightening. Absolutely, positively frightening. There is no way I’ll have pleasant dreams tonight.
April 27, 2010 at 12:27 pm
The shop is owned by a girl…so is the guy in the listing just a photo and this is what she can to with it? Gotta get mine right in the mail! not…
April 27, 2010 at 12:37 pm
I believe that Mao Tse-tung’s baby portrait shoul be much more expensive.
April 27, 2010 at 12:37 pm
I think the baby is wearing(?) a Yankees pin-stripe jersey – Maybe that’s why he’s holding a baseball mitt.
April 27, 2010 at 12:37 pm
This belongs in the Mutter museum………………
April 27, 2010 at 12:43 pm
*crap* should be much more …
April 27, 2010 at 12:52 pm
…and this child grew up to play Oompa-Loompa #3 in the Johnny Depp version of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory
now you know the REST of the story
April 27, 2010 at 1:10 pm
Some of the other drawings look pretty good, but this one, well……..I’m really hoping it was just a really bad “picture”!
April 27, 2010 at 1:25 pm
The truly sad thing is someone has been telling him his whole life that he’s actually good at this. How sad. You have to tell kids the truth someday: “Hey, honey….I’ve been lying to you all of these years. Yeah, you really suck at this. Give it up.” See? That’s not so hard.
April 27, 2010 at 1:40 pm
@ #30
it seems like there is way too much variation in talent for this artist to have done all these portraits, especially comparing the 4th and 5th thumbnails of the overalls kid and the man. unless the man is the most recent by a while and they don’t have enough other (better) portraits for examples??
April 27, 2010 at 2:41 pm
#55 beluga, I noticed the same thing, but I thought it was because the artist was using different appendages to hold the charcoal: Left hand, right hand, feet, mouth, pencil in the ear, in the nose, up the…
April 27, 2010 at 3:07 pm
Looks like a charcoal portrait of a reborn doll…
April 27, 2010 at 3:27 pm
I am going to employ this person to do portraits of every one of my family members and myself. Talk about amazing gifts, no one would ever accept a gift from me again. Off to scan/photocopy my face!
April 27, 2010 at 3:49 pm
I am picturing a limited edition Creepy Dolls doll here….?!!
April 27, 2010 at 4:25 pm
Dear god, I hope that baby doesn’t really look like that! And check out fuzzy bearded dude’s pupils o O.
April 27, 2010 at 5:49 pm
#32 BillsBayou – I can’t stop laughing at the thought of this! If so the baby’s face has kinda splayed out like plasticine would under pressure!
April 27, 2010 at 6:14 pm
Dang, I wish I could photoshop this with that blonde beauty pagaent over-enhanced beauty queen photo from a while back. . .
April 27, 2010 at 10:03 pm
It looks like someone stepped on that baby’s face and then drew a picture of it. Damn, I hate it when you don’t kill them the first time.
April 27, 2010 at 10:40 pm
#40 BillsBayou : It’s amazing, really. Look at the hands. It’s as if two different “artists” sketched this child. One hand is a cluster of carrot sausages and the other is a slice of blurry cake.
OMG Bill! Thanks for the HUGE GUFFAW! What the fuck are “carrot sausages”?!? *snort*
April 27, 2010 at 11:54 pm
Something about flaring nostrils that is hard to ignore.
No way she did the last picture on the bottom. No way.
April 28, 2010 at 1:50 am
#5 @Debbie Downer: it works, too. Chicken feet is good eatin’s.
In ‘defense’ of this artist, it is possible to have highly variable quality of work if your technique is not up to par. Her mistakes are plausibly consistent in my eye: she depends heavily on the photographs for placement of features, but doesn’t follow through on the shading or draw on proper anatomy fundamentals; thus, all of the pictures have a flat and outlined quality, even the last one.
April 28, 2010 at 7:59 am
#64 Snarkygirl: Carrot sausage just came to mind. Look at dem fingers! Oh the poor baby. If I made sausages, planted them in the ground, and waited a week or three, they’d look like that. Unless, of course, my dog dug them up and threw them at me.
April 28, 2010 at 9:25 am
oof, the unfortunate product of overestimating one’s skills…babies are like the last frontier of drawing!
April 28, 2010 at 10:05 am
That poor baby appears to have a raging case of fetal alcohol syndrome. Or maybe the artist was just drunk.
April 28, 2010 at 4:49 pm
Did the scene vampyre figure out she could actually make more money selling portraits of real babies than of Edward??
April 28, 2010 at 10:13 pm
Not only did this make me hate the words “nom nom nom” more than I already do, it also made me hate kids, too.
May 1, 2010 at 6:36 pm
The guy w/the beard kinda looks like Dave Attel. I’d pay $40 for a charcoal portrait of Dave Attel
July 12, 2010 at 8:13 pm
That image is gonna stay with me for a while….
January 30, 2011 at 3:44 pm
Do not make fun!
Just imagine his extremely limited field of vision.