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WTF Alchemy Request

- Submitted by Mike

You know, I think if you just followed her around for a few hours, you’d probably be able to get a photo of this.

72 comments on WTF Alchemy Request

  1. Efit
    April 6, 2010 at 9:32 am

    *stunned*

    No words.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  2. LeeLooDallas
    April 6, 2010 at 9:33 am

    When did you move to New Haven, CT, Helen?

    Thumb up Thumb down +45

  3. Patty has returned the Australian
    April 6, 2010 at 9:38 am

    Oh, how I wish I were talented in “realistic-style oil painting”.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  4. angie
    April 6, 2010 at 9:38 am

    i just like the “and yes, i am serious” remark at the end. it’s really bad when even YOU know that your request is ludicrous.

    Thumb up Thumb down +53

  5. eternalgreenknight
    April 6, 2010 at 9:42 am

    Horses might be fine
    But I won’t stop until that horn is mine.
    Then I’ll be more famous
    For eating a unicorn in a painting
    on reg-on regretsy.

    Thumb up Thumb down +54

  6. gobo
    April 6, 2010 at 9:43 am

    I would say based on the size of the canvas, the amount of time it will take to complete it, the cost of supplies, and the cost of my dignity, that’s going to cost you more than $350.

    Thumb up Thumb down +33

  7. IscreamUscream
    April 6, 2010 at 9:43 am

    What’s the color palette of the dining room? I’d hate to paint that in spring tones, only to discover you have purple flock wallpaper….

    Thumb up Thumb down +64

  8. LeeLooDallas
    April 6, 2010 at 9:45 am

    Seriously, ISUS. Will it match my dead unicorn couch?

    Thumb up Thumb down +30

  9. curlytopnola
    April 6, 2010 at 9:46 am

    if you’ve got them twisted imagination to dream up this little norman rockwell scene, why not attempt the painting yourself? why draw anyone else into this dali-esque nightmare?
    creativity is as creativity does, or some such shit.

    Thumb up Thumb down +21

  10. Efit
    April 6, 2010 at 9:47 am

    I have words now. How is it that this already has 3 bids? I want to see those bids! Who are the realistic-style oil painters who would bid on this insanity?

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  11. Efit
    April 6, 2010 at 9:51 am

    CORRECTION: 7 bids

    Wish I could see them…

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  12. bootsychoo
    April 6, 2010 at 9:53 am

    He stole my idea for the next Regretsy book cover contest!
    Asshole.

    Thumb up Thumb down +48

  13. julialikesfuckery
    April 6, 2010 at 9:54 am

    Fuck, I’d paint that.

    Thumb up Thumb down +19

  14. HelenaHandbasket
    April 6, 2010 at 9:56 am

    “…convo me for bonus fee for scracth-n-sniff…”

    Thumb up Thumb down +18

  15. Buzzkill To Teenagers
    April 6, 2010 at 9:59 am

    The decimal needs to be moved to the right at least one place, possibly 2, for a really decent oil painting. I’m thinking Rowena or Boris at a minimum…

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  16. julialikesfuckery
    April 6, 2010 at 10:03 am

    I guess everyone grows out of their tie-dyed pot leaf wall hanging at some point.

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  17. SuperSnark
    April 6, 2010 at 10:05 am

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -14

  18. raven
    April 6, 2010 at 10:08 am

    I am off to bid on this request right now…….this just screams my style. haha

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  19. Orlana
    April 6, 2010 at 10:11 am

    I’m sorry, but this is awesome. I wish I thought of it first.

    Thumb up Thumb down +40

  20. cratz
    April 6, 2010 at 10:12 am

    I’ll bet Lady Gaga would pay more than $350 for it if someone does a really great job on that painting.
    I wish we could see it when it’s done!

    Thumb up Thumb down +34

  21. cmerry
    April 6, 2010 at 10:14 am

    Why bother to paint one? Just snap a pic of one of the many many times it happens in real life.. what? This is isn’t a regular occurrence in your neighborhood? ;)

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  22. raven
    April 6, 2010 at 10:15 am

    I just bid. Hope she picks me. It would be fun to paint!

    Thumb up Thumb down +24

  23. pdrunk
    April 6, 2010 at 10:16 am

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -3

  24. Listyfox
    April 6, 2010 at 10:16 am

    Well, at least they didn’t ask for a picture of her -fucking- a unicorn…

    Thumb up Thumb down +32

  25. fenrislorsrai
    April 6, 2010 at 10:20 am

    This is something I would totally do… if I worked in oils. Unfortunately I normally do acrylic and colored pencil, not oil. Otherwise I would actually bid on this. I have WAY too many images of things being messily devoured. There is a reason my business cards say Cute, Cuddly, and Cannibalistic on ‘em.

    Crap, now I want to do this anyway but I have an art show I’m supposed to be doing non-gorey stuff for…

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  26. creepydolls
    April 6, 2010 at 10:20 am

    Too bad the person is not open to Charcoal/Pastels. My boyfriend could rock this out, he gets totally off the wall requests like this from time to time.

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  27. pdrunk
    April 6, 2010 at 10:20 am

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -14

  28. pdrunk
    April 6, 2010 at 10:21 am

    dang it…it was supposed to be this:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ss8LDBNcsWc

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  29. HermesGoddess
    April 6, 2010 at 10:22 am

    Actually I think this is the coolest alchemy request I’ve ever seen. I mean, at least it’s arguably POSSIBLE that the subject matter could happen.
    Not like the assclown who wanted to pay twenty cents so his “overweight” wife could get off while having sex with him.

    Thumb up Thumb down +32

  30. Raen
    April 6, 2010 at 10:24 am

    This just reminds me of the scene in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone… Voldemort hunched over the unicorn, drinking its blood…

    And sadly, I actually think the idea is sort of neat. Definitely a conversation starter. lol Also, if the requester weren’t from New Haven, I’d think it was my good friend. He has a weird obsession with Lady Gaga…

    Thumb up Thumb down +23

  31. SuperSnark
    April 6, 2010 at 10:27 am

    Raven, if you get the bid you know you are going to have to post the painting on regretsy for all to see!!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  32. Meg88
    April 6, 2010 at 10:27 am

    How do we know this isn’t Gaga herself?

    Thumb up Thumb down +23

  33. mannequin
    April 6, 2010 at 10:28 am

    A) This is awesome, I hope prints of this painting go on sale.
    B) I feel like a unicorn is too safe for Lady Gaga, she would be more likely to go for something a little more daring and harder to catch. I’m thinking spinx, liger, mer-person. Maybe a pegacorn, they have more pizazz.
    C) Can this painting have a motion activated sound effect? Maybe the song from #5.
    D) What would Gaga wear while gnawing on raw flesh? Rhinestones? Latex? It has to be realistic!

    Thumb up Thumb down +27

  34. Raen
    April 6, 2010 at 10:28 am

    #28 – Definitely. I want to see this finished product! I hope, even if Raven doesn’t do it, the requester or artist finds us out, and lets us in on the results!

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  35. bootsychoo
    April 6, 2010 at 10:29 am

    Snarling blood-covered Lady Gaga.
    Disemboweled unicorn carcass.
    How does one tell the difference?

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  36. crazycase
    April 6, 2010 at 10:31 am

    This isn’t an original idea… I see painting like this in thrift shops all the time…

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  37. razberries
    April 6, 2010 at 10:31 am

    I agree, I would like to see Raven’s interpretation…you’d be the clear choice, Raven because you have already done road kill before :-)
    Good luck, hope they accept your bid!

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  38. evacooper
    April 6, 2010 at 10:32 am
  39. joshpincusiscrying
    April 6, 2010 at 10:40 am

    She is requesting an oil painting of Lady Gaga devouring a unicorn carcass. I have no doubt that she is serious. I only wish my painting skills were up to her standards. (I can do a “cartoon-y version”, if she likes.)

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  40. joshpincusiscrying
    April 6, 2010 at 10:42 am

    Maybe the “I let my paintings speak for themselves” guy (below) can answer her prayers.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  41. mannequin
    April 6, 2010 at 10:45 am

    I just had a thought. Wouldn’t a painting of the paparazzi devouring Lady Gaga in a unicorn outfit be equally if not more compelling?

    Thumb up Thumb down +30

  42. Suka
    April 6, 2010 at 10:45 am

    A unicorn? No no! If it’s not Gaga eating a dragon or her boyfriend, I won’t do it.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  43. Skully
    April 6, 2010 at 10:47 am

    Sounds like a job for Thomas Kincaid.

    Thumb up Thumb down +54

  44. hamoza
    April 6, 2010 at 10:56 am

    The only thing worse than what I imagine this might look like would be if it were to be painted by Thomas Kincaid.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  45. IscreamUscream
    April 6, 2010 at 10:59 am

    @Skully, I think TK has unicorn steaks every night, so he’s got a few on-hand–but Lady Gaga declines his dinner invites.

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  46. Skully
    April 6, 2010 at 11:16 am

    ISUS, good Lord on a board, that dinner date would be an awesome View in a Room!

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  47. Eruanna
    April 6, 2010 at 11:26 am

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -11

  48. Eruanna
    April 6, 2010 at 11:27 am

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -3

  49. Sara J.
    April 6, 2010 at 11:42 am

    I SO hope we can get this in the “view in room” post soon.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  50. IscreamUscream
    April 6, 2010 at 11:44 am

    @Euranna–I did; he needs to add another 0 on the end.
    @Skully–have you ever seen the photoshop spinoffs of Kinkade’s “paintings”? Some are worth a view. :lol:

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  51. raven
    April 6, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    #48 Yes I noticed. At $350.00 she is getting a deal really but I still bid. It would be fun to paint and share here

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  52. butterwort
    April 6, 2010 at 1:03 pm

    That would totally ROCK as an oil painting. But anyone who can pull it off should be asking for waaaay more than $350.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  53. raven
    April 6, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    #52 I agree but sometimes a project is just too fun to pass up…

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  54. Dynomoose
    April 6, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    She can snack on this: http://www.thinkgeek.com/stuff/41/unicorn-meat.shtml while looking at her lovely painting.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  55. EverMind
    April 6, 2010 at 2:34 pm

    If I could paint, I would do it. . .

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  56. T.M.
    April 6, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    … So, even though I already have nine million paintings on my plate (well, more like two; one of them being 6′ x 4′), I bid on this. Though I’m thinking about doing it anyway. My landlady would fucking love this.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  57. mtopia
    April 6, 2010 at 7:06 pm

    Oh Lady Gaga, you can afford to pay more than $350 for this. Or you could just make a music video featuring you eating a unicorn. No one would think it was out of the ordinary.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  58. Magickal Fuckery
    April 6, 2010 at 7:17 pm

    Unicorn heart on the dance floor?

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  59. UnaBee
    April 6, 2010 at 8:28 pm

    I can and would do it but the price is not fair. It needs to be doubled. Seriously.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  60. UnaBee
    April 6, 2010 at 8:34 pm

    Bidding on it right now. I’m doubling the price and extending the time, but I can do that shit. If you want lady gaga and an effing unicorn, you do that shit right.

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  61. MAG
    April 6, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    OK…I’m the Mike that submitted it. But there are three things about this that scare me.
    1. The requester is in my hometown.
    2. the deadline is my birthday.
    3. I specifically told my kids I wanted Miley Cyrus eating a unicorn!

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  62. MAG
    April 6, 2010 at 8:52 pm

    I mean submitted it to Helen….not submitted it to Etsy..lol

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  63. kirstenrana
    April 6, 2010 at 11:05 pm

    To truly do justice to the subject, it should be painted on black velvet.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  64. snarkeygirl
    April 7, 2010 at 12:45 am

    I also envision Voldie slurping up unicorn blood in the Forbidden Forest!

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  65. jackie31337
    April 7, 2010 at 2:42 am

    raven @22 and creepydolls @26: why not just make it anyway for the hell of it? Is there a rule that you can’t make an item described in an alchemy brief if you weren’t the one chosen by the requester?

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  66. raven
    April 7, 2010 at 3:28 am

    #65 Great idea! We should just FLOOD Etsy with paintings of Gaga eating Unicorns.

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  67. Nequam
    April 7, 2010 at 3:48 am

    Does she take Photoshops?

    http://i43.tinypic.com/11aftpv.jpg

    (Original taken from http://www.tinyurl.com/y8sm8vl, because I don’t want to get my ass sued.)

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  68. artizlife
    April 7, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -4

  69. ladylion
    April 7, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    On black velvet one hopes.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  70. magpie
    April 13, 2010 at 11:19 am

    This could REALLY be done properly by fantasy artist, Frank Frazetta. http://frankfrazetta.org

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  71. Chip Boles
    November 2, 2010 at 4:20 pm

    How about this?
    http://chipboles-sketchblog.blogspot.com/2010/08/lady-gaga-devouring-unicorn-carcass.html

    Loved the whole idea, just had to make it. :)

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  72. Unicorn
    May 28, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    Over my dead body!

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

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