Oh, now it actually says, “It seems as though this wretched beast has caused quite a stir. Thank you regretsy.com! I just cant believe no one has snatched this up.”
You and Bronc have outdone yourselves! The moving (pulsating) lips look it’s doing something else, besides just singing. Can you do a sequel with it singing “I Touch Myself” please?
Thank god this song is no longer on the radio that much anymore. Every fricking time I hear it now, vision of singing pussies will be dancing in my head.
OMG the fucking funniest VIIAR ever! I,m thinking Michigan J. Frog vaheena here some poor dufus trying to get it to sing for an audience but it won’t, keeps prodding it and all does is queef!
The sad part is that my FIRST thought–no shit–was, “seriously? who’s that hairy?”. Apparently I’ve been around Regretsy long enough that a wry cooter mounted on a plaque and bursting into song doesn’t even phase me.
It’s ironic that a person making bachelor party gifts would be so ignorant of female anatomy.
- if a rug circles around the entire vulva, you might want to see a doctor.
- if your clitoris has a buttcrack, you might want to see a doctor.
- if your labia minora has more folds than a pug, you might want to see a doctor.
- if your vagina has NO OPENING, well, … I wonder how you were having periods all these years. And you might want to see a doctor.
as both the owner of a vagina & a dyke, i’d like to suggest that an angle cut 5 x 7 red oak stained pine plaque is the last place a vulva would like to be mounted.
I actually have a vagina, and mine doesn’t look anything like this. I’m not sure what model the “artist” was basing this on, but I am worried for that lady.
I was warned that the internet was a dangerous place and that there were things out there that could not be un-seen, but did I listen? No, I didn’t, and now I am permanently scarred.
“Helen” your killing me here..that view in the room was too much! I laughed for 10 minutes!!! Wouldn’t it be just great if the thing really could sing like that? I am going to see if I can teach mine to sing in that voice, gotta go try it out…bye
The other day, we were at a wedding reception and the father of the groom, my husband, and I were discussing how different animals (like coyotes) have been moving into our state. He went on to say that in Washington state they were seeing (what I heard as) cooters and bears.
Later that night, I wondered aloud to my husband what he had meant by “cooters.” First he laughed at me, then told me “cougar… he said ‘cougar’”
Ode to a Handmade Vagina Plaque (with apologies to John Keats)
Thou hopefully unravish’d, snide abomination,
Thou bastard-child of plush and free time,
Etsy fodder, who canst thus express
A whimsicle tale more clearly than my rhyme:
What curl-fring’d horror haunt about thy shape
of vaginas or fish, or of both,
On Etsy or the forums of Regretsy?
What craft or crap is this? What maiden’s form?
What mad pursuit? What struggle to escape?
What parts and skin folds? What wild ecstasy?
I’m very glad for the levity of the VIIAR., After reading the seller’s description, it worried me that it was a Bachelor Party trophy. Seriously, WHERE would you ever “mount” that thing?
When yer making art this refined , you have to watch out for the nasty surprises, like the naughty pine
knot markings directly below the featured chocolate vag.
There is a glaring, unmistakible set of eyes & a nose. That might distract the viewer from the main attraction.If only.
*****ATTENTION PHOTOSHOPPER’S YOU HAVE A REQUEST******
Pretty- pretty please can we see the lips on this thing wrapped around the I Love Regretsy pipe?
RAZ- I have not been away- I have been on medication- I have been here all along- was smart enough not to post- lost that ability to think when they upped the dosage.
I always wondered what they did with all those toupee’s men did not need when they died. Maybe we oughtta help this shop out. Make it the next charity cause. Toupee’s for mounted pussy’s- donate now or later.
Shit- I ventured off the board onto his space on Etsy. This person must be use to falling in- I have never seen a pussy as big as all of those. Did anyone find the silver-haired one as disturbing as I. I am left with questions I never want answers for.
#77 HomeAlone: I was just thinking that I can’t believe this seller is in Los Angeles. I think there is a city ordinance that you’re not allowed to let your bushes grow that bushy.
#84 Recovering Crack Baby: If you lived closer I’d offer to be your sister wife. It’s mostly just me and the kids during the week. A commune is starting to look kind of appealing.
This is the point at which I admit that in college, I waited tables in a bar named “Cooters”. All of us had to wear (nasty polyester) uniform shirts that said “Cooters” across the chest. I still have a jacket with “Cooters” emblazoned across the back, like the name of a baseball team. The bar colors were green with yellow, but as I went to school in Ohio, no one thought it was about a turtle.
This does remind me of a certain friend of my boyfriend’s who I have had to yell at a number of times for showing me extreme up-close and personal photos of cooters that various skanky hos have sent him on his phone. This one just has a whole lot more hair and less … slippage.
@#7…. I was thinking it would haunt me until I die, too.
Here’s the thing. I got my dad a singing fish the year he died. I have it now. You realize that now I will NEVER be able to hang that up in memory of Dad?
What terrifies me even more, is that on Etsy, in one of the alternate views, there is a cat with “goodhousepet” written across the bottom…
That explains where the fur comes from…
You guys are missing the point…”goodhousepet” refers to the maker’s black wire-haired terrier bitch, in whose honor and memory he created this lasting tribute.
Come on, you didn’t really think this could have been a HUMAN vagina, did you?
Wow. This actually makes me sick to my stomach. I love vaginas. I love mixed media art–yet this completely disgusts me. Add to it the 70′s-style wooden plaque in the back.
March 23, 2010 at 1:01 pm
What’s NSFW about Howard Stern’s face?
December 5, 2011 at 6:29 am
Oh, now it actually says, “It seems as though this wretched beast has caused quite a stir. Thank you regretsy.com! I just cant believe no one has snatched this up.”
Snatched. *gigglesnort*
March 23, 2010 at 1:02 pm
I am very worried. My vagoo has never been able to carry a tune.
March 23, 2010 at 1:02 pm
You and Bronc have outdone yourselves! The moving (pulsating) lips look it’s doing something else, besides just singing. Can you do a sequel with it singing “I Touch Myself” please?
March 23, 2010 at 1:02 pm
I’m thinking, and I could be wrong, but I’m thinking a vagoo shouldn’t look like this. Also, I would TOTALLY buy a singing one
March 23, 2010 at 1:02 pm
when hunters have too much to drink out in the fields…this is what they come home with…
i’d hate to be THAT taxidermist.
March 23, 2010 at 1:03 pm
bwha ha ha! so wait, Max (from the fb fan page), didn’t make this one? it was all done w/ bronc’s talent?
this was hysterical…
March 23, 2010 at 1:03 pm
the view it in a room will haunt me on my deathbed.
March 23, 2010 at 1:03 pm
this gives a whole new meaning to the word queef
March 23, 2010 at 1:04 pm
Does MNSFW mean Mega Not Suitable….? Monster Not Suitable….
March 23, 2010 at 1:04 pm
So beyond fucking brilliant!!!
March 23, 2010 at 1:06 pm
I am in tears from that. I seriously hope Max sees this…
March 23, 2010 at 1:06 pm
Thank god this song is no longer on the radio that much anymore. Every fricking time I hear it now, vision of singing pussies will be dancing in my head.
March 23, 2010 at 1:06 pm
And I meant that in a good way – it made me laugh non stop.
March 23, 2010 at 1:07 pm
No comment other than I can’t stop laughing after watching the video – brava!!!
March 23, 2010 at 1:12 pm
why why WHY!!!!!!!!! would anyone buy that?
March 23, 2010 at 1:13 pm
That is the saddest Christmas wreath I’ve ever seen.
March 23, 2010 at 1:15 pm
Bwahahaha! Well done!
March 23, 2010 at 1:16 pm
#16 josh, could it be a Channukah bush?
March 23, 2010 at 1:20 pm
OMG. Hobbit Vagina…
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=43045302
March 23, 2010 at 1:20 pm
Way better than The singing fish! Think Walmart will start carrying it close to the holidays?
March 23, 2010 at 1:22 pm
Bahahahaha *pees self*
OMG the fucking funniest VIIAR ever! I,m thinking Michigan J. Frog vaheena here some poor dufus trying to get it to sing for an audience but it won’t, keeps prodding it and all does is queef!
Bahahaha *pees self again*
March 23, 2010 at 1:24 pm
Great balls of fire,funniest 3 ring multi media vagoo circus yet!
I’d love to have this to go over my horsehair couch which is next to my horses ass end table.Really homey
piece. Blech.
March 23, 2010 at 1:30 pm
Now we know why people only ever spot male sasquatches.
March 23, 2010 at 1:34 pm
#23~ That answers that. The cooter critters have all been snatched & mounted.
March 23, 2010 at 1:36 pm
That pulsating clit makes me feel kinda funny… like when we had to climb the rope in gym class.
March 23, 2010 at 1:36 pm
Wry Cooter – LMAO!
March 23, 2010 at 1:36 pm
Classy! I must buy this for my mother for Mother’s Day!
March 23, 2010 at 1:36 pm
Don’t miss the listing with faux beaver fur…
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=43052851
March 23, 2010 at 1:39 pm
Looks like the Big Gulp.
March 23, 2010 at 1:40 pm
Well at least the vagina knows the right words to the song…
March 23, 2010 at 1:41 pm
#2 waningestrogen : I am very worried. My vagoo has never been able to carry a tune.
Don’t worry hun- You can clap for the rest of us after our tune is done. NO SPITTING on the other singing vagoo’s.
March 23, 2010 at 1:41 pm
If I might add–NSFC (not-safe-for-children), who might be permanently scarred and flee to a monastery at 18…
the background sound.
March 23, 2010 at 1:42 pm
Better get a sweater shaver on that thing if you plan on selling it.
March 23, 2010 at 1:43 pm
The sad part is that my FIRST thought–no shit–was, “seriously? who’s that hairy?”. Apparently I’ve been around Regretsy long enough that a wry cooter mounted on a plaque and bursting into song doesn’t even phase me.
March 23, 2010 at 1:50 pm
Ummmmmm – CHOCOLATE!!
March 23, 2010 at 1:51 pm
OMG!!!!!! Too funny!!!!!
March 23, 2010 at 1:53 pm
OH GOD NO!
March 23, 2010 at 1:57 pm
I don’t HAVE to view it in a room, do I?
March 23, 2010 at 1:59 pm
Wow, I guess I did.
March 23, 2010 at 1:59 pm
It’s ironic that a person making bachelor party gifts would be so ignorant of female anatomy.
- if a rug circles around the entire vulva, you might want to see a doctor.
- if your clitoris has a buttcrack, you might want to see a doctor.
- if your labia minora has more folds than a pug, you might want to see a doctor.
- if your vagina has NO OPENING, well, … I wonder how you were having periods all these years. And you might want to see a doctor.
March 23, 2010 at 2:00 pm
On a second note, if you’re going to spend $50 on something that’s like a vagina, why not get a fleshlight? At least that’s useful.
March 23, 2010 at 2:08 pm
I’m just grateful it’s unique.
Also going to need counseling to recover from the view it in a room. Maybe alcohol will help instead………..
March 23, 2010 at 2:11 pm
as both the owner of a vagina & a dyke, i’d like to suggest that an angle cut 5 x 7 red oak stained pine plaque is the last place a vulva would like to be mounted.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=43046101
March 23, 2010 at 2:14 pm
I just got the strangest look from my co-worker after simutaneously laughing and spraying rockstar outta my nose.
March 23, 2010 at 2:16 pm
Ew, naaaaasty.
Reeled back – CHECK
Shuddered – CHECK
Recoiled in horror – CHECK
March 23, 2010 at 2:32 pm
Awesomesauce!
I tried to leave a comment, the page went blank, and the vagoo disappeared. But thank FSM, it’s back!
March 23, 2010 at 2:41 pm
I actually have a vagina, and mine doesn’t look anything like this. I’m not sure what model the “artist” was basing this on, but I am worried for that lady.
March 23, 2010 at 2:46 pm
I was warned that the internet was a dangerous place and that there were things out there that could not be un-seen, but did I listen? No, I didn’t, and now I am permanently scarred.
March 23, 2010 at 2:48 pm
Is the seller implying that vaginas are good house pets? Is that what I am to understand?
March 23, 2010 at 2:49 pm
Wowwwww… really new meaning to “singing trout” – thanks Helen, for the tears. You made my day.
March 23, 2010 at 3:03 pm
I wish mine could sing….
March 23, 2010 at 3:08 pm
#9 Suda: MNSFW means MERKIN Not Safe For Work.
March 23, 2010 at 3:10 pm
Gooney-fuckin-goo-goo!
March 23, 2010 at 3:12 pm
“Helen” your killing me here..that view in the room was too much! I laughed for 10 minutes!!! Wouldn’t it be just great if the thing really could sing like that? I am going to see if I can teach mine to sing in that voice, gotta go try it out…bye
March 23, 2010 at 3:16 pm
The other day, we were at a wedding reception and the father of the groom, my husband, and I were discussing how different animals (like coyotes) have been moving into our state. He went on to say that in Washington state they were seeing (what I heard as) cooters and bears.
Later that night, I wondered aloud to my husband what he had meant by “cooters.” First he laughed at me, then told me “cougar… he said ‘cougar’”
Cooter was more interesting though
March 23, 2010 at 3:16 pm
Ode to a Handmade Vagina Plaque (with apologies to John Keats)
Thou hopefully unravish’d, snide abomination,
Thou bastard-child of plush and free time,
Etsy fodder, who canst thus express
A whimsicle tale more clearly than my rhyme:
What curl-fring’d horror haunt about thy shape
of vaginas or fish, or of both,
On Etsy or the forums of Regretsy?
What craft or crap is this? What maiden’s form?
What mad pursuit? What struggle to escape?
What parts and skin folds? What wild ecstasy?
March 23, 2010 at 3:22 pm
I can imagine this overheard at the Rod and Gun Club:
“Wow, Awesome Trophy, where’d you bag that one?”
“I shot it while I was hunting in the bush!”
March 23, 2010 at 3:29 pm
@53 Ahh, bad mental image! What kind of camouflage does one wear when hunting one of these?
March 23, 2010 at 3:33 pm
I will never click on view it in a room again…
Disturbingly, I see predator crossed with Cher.
March 23, 2010 at 3:41 pm
Wow still for sale suprised someone hasn’t snatched it up!
Sorry, couldn’t help myself had to be said!
March 23, 2010 at 3:44 pm
Reminds me of the Ted Nugent song, Snatch Plaque Fever.
March 23, 2010 at 3:52 pm
@Skully
March 23, 2010 at 3:54 pm
I’m very glad for the levity of the VIIAR., After reading the seller’s description, it worried me that it was a Bachelor Party trophy. Seriously, WHERE would you ever “mount” that thing?
March 23, 2010 at 3:55 pm
That has got to be the funniest thing EVER! Had to stop laughing cause my kids wanted to see what I was laughing at.
March 23, 2010 at 3:56 pm
#57 Skully — You just made me laugh as violently as when I first saw the vagina plaque….thing. Excellent!!!
March 23, 2010 at 3:57 pm
One of the vaginas on her (or his? It’s extremely possible the maker has never seen a vagoo) site is made of what looks like sharp thistles.
March 23, 2010 at 4:04 pm
#2@waningestrogen- ‘I am very worried. My vagoo has never been able to carry a tune’.
No problem, just teach it to lip sync.
March 23, 2010 at 4:11 pm
I am speechless.
Gobsmacked.
Stunned.
Shocked.
Utterly astounded.
And frightened.
Wow, I guess I wasn’t so speechless after all.
March 23, 2010 at 4:12 pm
(Runaways/Cherry Bomb)
Check out this plaque
That I got
It’s a f-f-f-f-f-f-
Furry twat!
Mounted pussy
That I shot
F-f-f-f-f-f-furry twat!
March 23, 2010 at 4:12 pm
When yer making art this refined , you have to watch out for the nasty surprises, like the naughty pine
knot markings directly below the featured chocolate vag.
There is a glaring, unmistakible set of eyes & a nose. That might distract the viewer from the main attraction.If only.
March 23, 2010 at 4:15 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 23, 2010 at 4:16 pm
#65 Skully : RCB Hearts Skully cause he says twats and jugs
March 23, 2010 at 4:18 pm
*****ATTENTION PHOTOSHOPPER’S YOU HAVE A REQUEST******
Pretty- pretty please can we see the lips on this thing wrapped around the I Love Regretsy pipe?
RAZ- I have not been away- I have been on medication- I have been here all along- was smart enough not to post- lost that ability to think when they upped the dosage.
March 23, 2010 at 4:22 pm
mmm…werewolf vag.
March 23, 2010 at 4:22 pm
I always wondered what they did with all those toupee’s men did not need when they died. Maybe we oughtta help this shop out. Make it the next charity cause. Toupee’s for mounted pussy’s- donate now or later.
March 23, 2010 at 4:24 pm
#70 StaticCling : ……… of London
March 23, 2010 at 4:27 pm
RCB: I work for a printing company and I’m pretty sure we publish a magazine titled “Twats and Jugs.”
March 23, 2010 at 4:30 pm
Alright- I’ll find the Twats and you find the jugs for this month. A whole happy, clappy and slappy choir of ‘em.
March 23, 2010 at 4:30 pm
#69 Recovering Crack Baby: I’m glad you’re able to post again. You always crack me up.
March 23, 2010 at 4:32 pm
Skully, you are one twisted puppy! We like that around here!
March 23, 2010 at 4:32 pm
That is one bushy Etsy shop. You’d think they would have included at least one brazilian in the selection.
March 23, 2010 at 4:32 pm
Skully- sud- raz- the whole family is here
March 23, 2010 at 4:34 pm
Skully suggest a title change- Jugs and Twats- it is just right to go from North and then South. South to North well can be a little to much sharing.
March 23, 2010 at 4:39 pm
Shit- I ventured off the board onto his space on Etsy. This person must be use to falling in- I have never seen a pussy as big as all of those. Did anyone find the silver-haired one as disturbing as I. I am left with questions I never want answers for.
March 23, 2010 at 4:41 pm
#77 HomeAlone: I was just thinking that I can’t believe this seller is in Los Angeles. I think there is a city ordinance that you’re not allowed to let your bushes grow that bushy.
March 23, 2010 at 4:44 pm
Yep, never gonna be a lesbian now.
March 23, 2010 at 4:44 pm
I find the bush to NOT be as distracting as the fucking size of those pussy lips. I think I solved the Mystery Shaggy. Scoooby says tell us Shag.
The Super Duper Sized Pussy is on a board because someone uses them to strap to their ass so they do not fall in.
March 23, 2010 at 4:46 pm
#82 ensoul : I am not a lesbian but I would love another wife. I am fucking tired.
March 23, 2010 at 4:48 pm
#84 Recovering Crack Baby: If you lived closer I’d offer to be your sister wife. It’s mostly just me and the kids during the week. A commune is starting to look kind of appealing.
March 23, 2010 at 4:55 pm
OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH- trade the kid’s in for a habit
March 23, 2010 at 5:30 pm
I don’t need to trade the kids in, I already have plenty of habits. Unless of course, you’re suggesting I become a nun….
March 23, 2010 at 5:30 pm
These could double quite nicely as serving trays.
Cocktails anyone?
March 23, 2010 at 5:44 pm
Now that I’ve finally stopped laughing my ass off, a Singing Vagoo Haiku for you:
When Regretsy says,
“M-N-S-F-W,”
They really mean it.
March 23, 2010 at 6:11 pm
I was half expecting to hear the McDonald’s Filet O’ Fish jingle, but this will haunt me nonetheless.
March 23, 2010 at 6:22 pm
When I read the title, I thought the post was going to involve a turtle.
And then I saw it – a hairy, legless, disemboweled turtle.
Which sings the worst song of the 80s.
March 23, 2010 at 6:31 pm
So THERE’S where my twat wandered off to! Well, at least it got mounted. . .
March 23, 2010 at 6:32 pm
Okay, folks, my twat looks nothing like that. I would jump off a bridge if it did. . . yes, I got a mirror and checked.
March 23, 2010 at 6:33 pm
She said mounted heh heh heh
March 23, 2010 at 6:50 pm
Awright y’all, this thing lok like my Auntie’s Sunday wig with a Vajayjay on it. Maybe that why she wear big old hats to Church. ya think
March 23, 2010 at 6:59 pm
This is the point at which I admit that in college, I waited tables in a bar named “Cooters”. All of us had to wear (nasty polyester) uniform shirts that said “Cooters” across the chest. I still have a jacket with “Cooters” emblazoned across the back, like the name of a baseball team. The bar colors were green with yellow, but as I went to school in Ohio, no one thought it was about a turtle.
March 23, 2010 at 6:59 pm
#97@ twats~um thanks, hmm, tmi ? lol
March 23, 2010 at 9:13 pm
@#56 mtopia : That was beautiful and touching, unlike the actual item which makes me feel itchy and in need of bleach.
March 23, 2010 at 9:17 pm
This does remind me of a certain friend of my boyfriend’s who I have had to yell at a number of times for showing me extreme up-close and personal photos of cooters that various skanky hos have sent him on his phone. This one just has a whole lot more hair and less … slippage.
I need to go bleach my brain now.
March 23, 2010 at 9:25 pm
RCB, as requested – one singing, hairy cooter hittin’ the Regretsy pipe:
http://twitpic.com/1ak6b0
March 23, 2010 at 9:42 pm
Is this supposed to be a depiction of a Wolverine vagina?
March 23, 2010 at 9:42 pm
@102 Thanks. I would have done the whole poem, but the character limit foiled my attempts at full literary nerdiness.
March 24, 2010 at 2:07 am
Bravissima!
The singing vagina is too wonderful for words.
I am in awe and bow to your genius!
March 24, 2010 at 2:58 am
I saw 2- yes, TWO- singing bass fish thingies at Goodwill today and thought of all the rubber-vadge-grafting possiblities.
Also my junk is not this ripple-y. Is something wrong with me?
March 24, 2010 at 11:13 am
@#7…. I was thinking it would haunt me until I die, too.
Here’s the thing. I got my dad a singing fish the year he died. I have it now. You realize that now I will NEVER be able to hang that up in memory of Dad?
AND THANK GOD FOR THAT SHIT!
Regretsy <== saving me from myself!
March 24, 2010 at 12:02 pm
Heh, mounted.
March 24, 2010 at 12:30 pm
Father’s day is just around the corner and what would make a better gift then a vag mounted on a wooden plank.
March 24, 2010 at 3:28 pm
#101 Hamoza. . . If I have offended thee. . . my sincerest apologies. . . I should not share such personal twat info. . . forgive me my friend!
March 24, 2010 at 4:41 pm
This is terrifying.
But at the same time wonderful.
March 24, 2010 at 4:43 pm
What terrifies me even more, is that on Etsy, in one of the alternate views, there is a cat with “goodhousepet” written across the bottom…
That explains where the fur comes from…
March 24, 2010 at 6:21 pm
I am just so grossed out by the…well, flaps.
March 24, 2010 at 7:14 pm
You guys are missing the point…”goodhousepet” refers to the maker’s black wire-haired terrier bitch, in whose honor and memory he created this lasting tribute.
Come on, you didn’t really think this could have been a HUMAN vagina, did you?
March 25, 2010 at 12:40 am
Wow. This actually makes me sick to my stomach. I love vaginas. I love mixed media art–yet this completely disgusts me. Add to it the 70′s-style wooden plaque in the back.
Pardon me while I throw up in the corner.
March 26, 2010 at 1:59 pm
Its HUGE! Lets view it in a sex ed class! Even the kids in the back will see it!
April 5, 2010 at 10:10 pm
yay!