From the Mailbag
Jesus H. Macy, we’ve got a lot of email over here!
Just piles and piles of semi-coherent ramblings, all wadded together and posted in an approximation of actual content. It doesn’t get better than this!
So let’s stop wasting time and just get right into the high quality entertainment. Now, before the Nyquil kicks in.
First up, this spectacular bit of fuckery sent in by a sharp-eyed reader. Nice findings, Otto! Now try finding a dictionary.
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4 EMAILS ABOUT SKANTS:
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From: Lindsay
Subject: Skants!
Date: March 21, 2010 9:00:40 PM PDT
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When I found your posts on Skants, the first thing I thought of was this photo:
This is me, in the summer of ’97, 14 years old and bored out of my skull. My friend and I decided that the solution to our boredom was to wear our T-shirts as weird body suits. I had no idea, at the time, how ahead of the fashion curve we were. Maybe I should start an Etsy store!
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From: Amy
Subject: Skants
Date: March 19, 2010 5:50:59 AM PDT
Saw this in a gallery in Barcelona and thought of Regretsy. The artist is Erwin Wurm.
From: Vanessa
Subject: First recorded use of skants: serial killer Peter Sutcliffe, 1981
Date: March 4, 2010 4:35:16 PM PST
I was doing research for a class and stumbled upon this gem:
The origin of skants is both older and more evil than I would have expected.
And to wrap up the Skantsmail, a picture I forgot to post: The 3rd place winner, posing with her toilet paper prize.
From: Jen
Subject: My dog’s asshole
Date: March 20, 2010 7:03:41 PM PDT
I ordered the t-shirt from Zazzle. But I want a copy of your book sooooooooooo badly, that I couldn’t wait for it to arrive. So I took this pic of myself and my dog’s asshole and ‘shopped the shirt. I don’t know if I’ll be able to get another pic w/the dog, because she feels violated and is sulking under her blanket in the kitchen.
Needless to say, Jen just won a free copy of the Regretsy book. – HK
And finally, some of you may remember this Regretsy post, which inspired a reader to coin the phrase, “hitting the Etsy pipe”.
Well, take a look at this:
From: Kym Bixler
Subject: The I Love Regretsy Pipe
Here it is! The I Love Regretsy Pipe!
To really make it Next Level Regretsy, I felt like it should have a little something extra… sooooo… um, it’s kind of a cock n’ balls. How could it NOT be?
I was thinking we could auction it off and donate the proceeds to one of the awesome charities you work with.
-Kym
Can you believe the world I live in? I am surrounded by people with unbelievable talent and very poor judgment; the best combination ever.
Obviously, I would love to auction this off to fund our next project. I thought about putting it on Ebay, but I’m certain some jackhole would have sudden onset cryabeetus and close the auction down. Or even worse, I’d have to make it for adults, and then you’d have to do a retinal scan to bid on it. So let’s not do that.
Let’s just do it like this: If you want this, and why wouldn’t you, make me an offer. The person who bids the highest, wins. Every penny of your bid will go to charity.
Bidding will close at midnight tomorrow night.
March 23, 2010 at 9:48 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 23, 2010 at 9:49 am
My talent is questionable , but my judgement is awesome, & I know a good thing when I see it .
Submitted my bid on the pipe @ $20.00. If I’m outbid
(& since it’s for charity, I hope I am) I’m gonna’ have a great big fat cryabeetusized fit .
March 23, 2010 at 9:55 am
The world just got a little more whimsicle.
If I had understood the sexual implications of skants, I would have started exploiting it YEARS ago.
March 23, 2010 at 9:55 am
RAZ- where the fuck are you? Does that sculpture have the title “Gulp.” It’s so out of focus. If it is that is perfecto.
March 23, 2010 at 9:58 am
I see that if yah don’t like the pipe- well just fuck it huh? 40.00
March 23, 2010 at 9:59 am
I am upping my last bid and making it higher. $42.79
March 23, 2010 at 9:59 am
*sigh* so tempting, especially for charity. Unfortunately I can no longer indulge (pharmacist subject to random drug testing, and they will send you to Narcotics Anonymous if they find THC in your system), and I fear it would be too tempting having this beautiful implement around. Plus, no cash flow.
March 23, 2010 at 10:00 am
Jen is my new favorite person.
March 23, 2010 at 10:11 am
The pipe is clearly ONLY for tobacco use. Sheesh.
Ps If I didn’t know better, I would swear that was the author Jen Lancaster posing with her dog’s asshole.
March 23, 2010 at 10:18 am
well this post is just what I needed after discovering what a Buzzkill to Teenagers (that must be my Native America name) I am in real life.
I have to say that picture of the bronze medal winner in skants looks like an ovipositor with the TP roll being the recently laid egg.
March 23, 2010 at 10:19 am
There… I’m now more accurately named
March 23, 2010 at 10:20 am
for the love of all things not holy
how in the world did this site become the first thing I do in the morning
not coffee, not personal email, not business email
I don’t even pee first which is not becoming a huge problem
carry on with your awesomeness while I do the pee pee dance
March 23, 2010 at 10:31 am
And while your at it… how about an “unbelievable talent and very poor judgment” T-shirt?
March 23, 2010 at 10:38 am
#8 LuluMcTavish : Jen is my new favorite person.
JEN worked harder then I ever would- hope she gets a Regretsy item……………x
March 23, 2010 at 11:02 am
I have loved that I <3 Regretsy pipe since I first saw it.
If only my Etsy shop was doing well enough that I could afford to bid… lol!
March 23, 2010 at 11:24 am
I love Jen’s email…subject of message, “My dog’s asshole.” bwha ha ha
The dog’s expression is priceless…congrats Jen, on getting a signed book
RCB, where have you been all my life?
Wonderful posts, as always!!!
March 23, 2010 at 11:24 am
ps- and i LOVE how Jen is giving the “thumbs up” just like that stupid butthole cover seller…lol
March 23, 2010 at 11:28 am
“The front of the elbows were padded to protect his knees as, presumably, he knelt over victims’ corpses.”
Thanks for the tip! My knees get so sore when I kneel over my victims’ corpses.
March 23, 2010 at 12:39 pm
How did I miss pet asshole covers? What? Where?!
March 23, 2010 at 12:49 pm
$56.78, Mutha F*ckas!
I love charity.
March 23, 2010 at 2:25 pm
Hey, where’d the singing vagoo go?
March 23, 2010 at 2:30 pm
Yay, it’s back!
March 23, 2010 at 2:57 pm
That sculpture is soooooo scary. I would not stick my hand in that opening (except perhaps in exchange for that regretsy pipe; on hit from that and my snark would improve tenfold!).
March 23, 2010 at 6:05 pm
Vanessa – which class were you taking?
Introduction to Skants
World History of Skants (post WW11)
World History of Skants (WW1 – WW10)
March 23, 2010 at 9:19 pm
WW11? Wow, I must have missed something.
March 23, 2010 at 9:20 pm
Gaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! Holy shit. You posted me with my dog, who, sadly, is now in counseling. Thank you, thank you!
I love you, Helen!
I love you guys, one and all!
March 23, 2010 at 9:25 pm
I’m kind of loving Erwin Wurm’s work…here’s a larger version of “Gulp” appropriately entitled “Big Gulp”: http://www.artnet.com/artwork/426017781/545/erwin-wurm-big-gulp.html
What a great place to keep your yarn stash!
March 24, 2010 at 2:54 am
#13, #13, a million times #13…
(we now return to our regularly scheduled drunken steak-n-eggs at 3am eating)
March 24, 2010 at 12:19 pm
No, seriously – pet asshole covers? Where? I must see this ingenious invention.
March 25, 2010 at 8:11 am
This entire post just made my level 4 day a level 5…I love all of you hilariously creative Regretsians.