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WTF Alchemy Request

Posted by Helen Killer

82 comments

Filed in WTF Alchemy Request 82 comments

82 Comments

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Mar 18, 2010
9:32 am

#1 bondgurl :

I feel so bad for this person’s cat.

Rate this comment: +36

Mar 18, 2010
9:34 am

#2 kipper :

Well, my dogs can’t very well marry themselves, can they? They need an officiant.

Rate this comment: +118

Mar 18, 2010
9:35 am

#3 Ladybug :

Makes one wonder exactly what kind of exorcism this particular crazy cat lady is planning to perform…

Rate this comment: +33

Mar 18, 2010
9:36 am

#4 Stretch65 :

I will be having my cat officiate at the wedding of my two of my GI Joes.

GO JOE!!

Rate this comment: +37

Mar 18, 2010
9:38 am

#5 LeeLooDallas :

Can you make it quick? We’re reading a CATechism this coming Sunday.

Rate this comment: +41

Mar 18, 2010
9:39 am

#6 Efit :

The neo-conservatives were right. If we let the gays marry – what’s next? Dogs? Cats? Yes, cats.

Rate this comment: +92

Mar 18, 2010
9:42 am

#7 DucksNew :

So they want their cat to molest them?

Rate this comment: +48

Mar 18, 2010
9:45 am

#8 methuselah :

Beats the shit out of a cheerleading concrete goose.

Rate this comment: +55

Mar 18, 2010
9:46 am

#9 Ladybug :

“no buttons or zippers…”

Yeah–cause THAT’s the thing that would make it inconvenient for the cat.

Rate this comment: +84

Mar 18, 2010
9:47 am

#10 sudabaki© :

It’s for a dyslexic dog loving cat.

Rate this comment: +14

Mar 18, 2010
9:48 am

#11 Dix :

My dog is a pagan–she runs around the yard nude and sacrifices squirrels.

Rate this comment: +122

Mar 18, 2010
9:49 am

#12 sarahsed :

The only possible officiant for your circus-themed vow-renewal.

Rate this comment: +46

Mar 18, 2010
9:49 am

#13 AreYouGoingToEatThatPickle :

There’s some jacked up Santaria goin’ down in Miami sometime in mid-April!

Rate this comment: +12

Mar 18, 2010
9:50 am

#14 pplrdum :

What the hell crazy-ass website is now ordaining cats?

Rate this comment: +10

Mar 18, 2010
9:52 am

#15 LeeLooDallas :

Hahaha – Dix! : )

Rate this comment: +1

Mar 18, 2010
9:53 am

#16 pplrdum :

Does the Vatican know about this??

Rate this comment: +11

Mar 18, 2010
9:55 am

#17 eternalgreenknight :

So let me get this strayt, it’s a CATholic priest outfit they want? Are they going to ask for altar boy outfits for the church-mice, next?

Rate this comment: +27

Mar 18, 2010
9:56 am

#18 cappysue :

Maybe it is going to officiate a renewel ceremony for some other animals.

Rate this comment: +2

Mar 18, 2010
9:58 am

#19 Monstrosa :

The power of Ceiling Cat compels you!

Rate this comment: +33

Mar 18, 2010
10:01 am

#20 sudabaki© :

C’mon, everyone knows that Catholic priests don’t like pussy….cats.

Rate this comment: +45

Mar 18, 2010
10:08 am

#21 joshpincusiscrying :

and once he gets the priest costume, he can go on molesting kittens.

Rate this comment: +10

Mar 18, 2010
10:09 am

#22 IscreamUscream :

@Monstrosa either that, or basement cat
@Suda

Rate this comment: +1

Mar 18, 2010
10:09 am

#23 HelenaHandbasket :

No buttons or zippers-I can haz no opposabul thummz.

Rate this comment: +42

Mar 18, 2010
10:14 am

#24 SuperSnark :

Oh my! I never thought that I would find an alchemy request to beat the one (and only!) I ever bid on and won. A woman had me make for both her cats who were the attendants at her wedding matching capes with catnip pockets in the colors of her wedding theme.She even sent me swatches to make the perfect match-I can’t make this up!
She loved them, and was very lovely and nice, I am not making fun of her, she may be onto something, cats can’t get drunk and start fights at the reception!

Rate this comment: +39

Mar 18, 2010
10:19 am

#25 SuperSnark :

I bid just because I thought it was pretty weird and a total WTF for me, I really thought it might have been a joke, but she was seroius!

Rate this comment: +7

Mar 18, 2010
10:21 am

#26 SuperSnark :

serious sorry goddam dyslexic fingers!

Rate this comment: +2

Mar 18, 2010
10:21 am

#27 hamoza :

Thats enough to make a cat want to convert. So help me if I ever did that to the cats here, they’d go back to living on the mean streets.

Rate this comment: +8

Mar 18, 2010
10:23 am

#28 Chrisnyc1213 :

Will she be performing a CATechism?

Rate this comment: -1

Mar 18, 2010
10:25 am

#29 hamoza :

I guess the litter boxes are in the pews. (okay, throw turds my way for that)

Rate this comment: +11

Mar 18, 2010
10:30 am

#30 Stretch65 :

“He who farts in Church must sit in his own pew”

Rate this comment: +10

Mar 18, 2010
10:35 am

#31 hamoza :

I ’spose in some ways it would be a real improvement of most religious bodies.

Rate this comment: +6

Mar 18, 2010
10:51 am

#32 haldol :

For every craziness there is someone who is anticipating your craziness.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=33339465

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=24719347

Rate this comment: +2

Mar 18, 2010
10:54 am

#33 spandy :

What a joke! She’ll have to tranq the cat, for sure!

Picture this snarling, contorted hairball with it’s paw caught in the collar of the cassock, gagging, omg.
Then mamma gets shredded by claws after she catches the beast, attempting to free it. Now she’s bleeding, the cat’s half outa the cassock, crab-walking down the aisle…
That’s a ceremony I wanna see – hee, hee!

Rate this comment: +5

Mar 18, 2010
10:55 am

#34 voxwoman :

#24 Supersnark: cats don’t need likker to start fighting. I think one thing that would set my wee beasties off would be to attempt to put them into a priest’s robe and collar. That’s a trip for someone to the ER for sure.

Rate this comment: +11

Mar 18, 2010
10:55 am

#35 cptfknvicious :

he needs the outfit in order to be a part of St Peter Rabbit’s church. you all know, of course, that Jesus intended the pope to be a rabbit, which explains the shape of his funny hat. who better to be a priest in that church than a cat?

Rate this comment: +2

Mar 18, 2010
11:06 am

#36 Stretch65 :

Baptisms are a bit tricky for cat priests – the whole “aversion to water” thing…

Rate this comment: +14

Mar 18, 2010
11:09 am

#37 Monstrosa :

My cat’s always dipping his paw in the water dish. Maybe he’s baptizing his catnip mouse.

Rate this comment: +18

Mar 18, 2010
11:09 am

#38 nitebyrd :

Why do all the crazy people live in Florida? (I live in Florida but am not crazy. At least I don’t think I am.)

Rate this comment: +10

Mar 18, 2010
11:11 am

#39 SuperSnark :

#34 voxwoman I agree you would have a better chance of playing hockey in hell than getting either of my cats in anything, cat carrier, blanket, priest collar, etc etc. My hulking big bad boy Black Francis is offically known as the cat from hell @ our vet, he is a total shit and freaks out, he does have issues as he was a rescue cat that was abandoned to fend for himself before he was rescued.

#33 spandy I would pay to see it myself, talk about wedding from hell!

Rate this comment: +3

Mar 18, 2010
11:12 am

#40 brooke1413 :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -4

Mar 18, 2010
11:14 am

#41 Radical Militant Librarian :

This is the only way the Catholic Church will allow a pussy to wear the collar….

Rate this comment: +17

Mar 18, 2010
11:14 am

#42 catwithoutacause :

hence my name, i feel the need to comment. it’s looney tunes here in florida. i myself just bought a unicorn hat for my cat lizzie borden!

Rate this comment: +8

Mar 18, 2010
11:16 am

#43 hamoza :

#38 nitebyrd,trust me, we have a few here in the west.

Rate this comment: +5

Mar 18, 2010
11:31 am

#44 takilasunrise :

This is the cat the needs the cat priest!

http://ettf.net/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/exorcist-cat.JPG

Rate this comment: +18

Mar 18, 2010
11:31 am

#45 Wilma Fingerdoo :

Do cats get anointed Cardinal if they catch one?

Rate this comment: +20

Mar 18, 2010
11:32 am

#46 The Runaway Lawyer :

#38 nitebyrd, I’m afraid we have more than our share here in Texas. Unfortunately we keep sending them to Washington to get rid of them.

Rate this comment: +5

Mar 18, 2010
11:32 am

#47 IscreamUscream :

Ceiling Priest is awesome!

Rate this comment: +7

Mar 18, 2010
11:33 am

#48 takilasunrise :

My fingers need a priest…….should be…

This is the cat THAT needs the cat priest!

Rate this comment: +1

Mar 18, 2010
11:34 am

#49 The Runaway Lawyer :

BTW, can someone covo the buyer to ask her to post us a pic of the kitty once it becomed ordained? I would pay to see that.

Rate this comment: +8

Mar 18, 2010
11:40 am

#50 designerchick :

http://beastandbean.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/2126439732_a828dbe515_o.jpg

Rate this comment: +6

Mar 18, 2010
11:44 am

#51 pplrdum :

#50, DC” yeah, just send her that one. (minus the cat)

Rate this comment: -1

Mar 18, 2010
11:47 am

#52 The Runaway Lawyer :

Is that a main coon, Designerchick? LOVE!

Rate this comment: +2

Mar 18, 2010
11:47 am

#53 Monstrosa :

#40 brooke1413 :
This shop sells the bird pillow.

http://www.etsy.com/shop/Gumdroprae

Rate this comment: +1

Mar 18, 2010
11:58 am

#54 designerchick :

#52 Runaway – I think so.

Rate this comment: +1

Mar 18, 2010
12:02 pm

#55 mtopia :

Well, we already had a Martin Luther King cat mask didn’t we? Isn’t this just a logical next step?

Rate this comment: +6

Mar 18, 2010
12:15 pm

#56 Wilma Fingerdoo :

I have an alchemy request for my two cats, Laverne and Shirley:
1) a monogrammed “L” shirt (no buttons)
2) a miniature Boo Boo Kitty doll (no zippers)
3) cat-sized milk and Pepsi drink holder
Organic materials only, will spend up to $3.50

Rate this comment: +21

Mar 18, 2010
1:09 pm

#57 Dix :

I should clarify: I have pagan friends and I am well aware that they don’t run around naked sacrificing things.

If anything, my dog is a hedonist. Yes, I know that’s not a religion, but it’s as close as she’s ever going to get.

Rate this comment: +12

Mar 18, 2010
1:16 pm

#58 hamoza :

#57 Dix, at our house,the church of hedonism is BIG, and rarely does anyone leave to go to another one.

Rate this comment: +6

Mar 18, 2010
2:27 pm

#59 VikingKvinna :

I love this more than I can say. My FB profile pic has been changed to CatPriest and it makes me giggle every time I see it.

Rate this comment: +2

Mar 18, 2010
2:30 pm

#60 butterwort :

I’ll just leave this here… http://www.lolcatbible.com

Rate this comment: +8

Mar 18, 2010
2:37 pm

#61 Helen Killer :

OH MY GOD BUTTERWORT!!! How have I never seen that before? What a fucking HORROR!

Rate this comment: +7

Mar 18, 2010
2:53 pm

#62 Jack Frieze :

#61 HK I actually like the parts that were translated by people, as was the beginning of Genesis, but I believe most of it was machine translated by a tweaked English-to-leet or English-to-Biff app, and it shows.

Rate this comment: +5

Mar 18, 2010
3:12 pm

#63 blondeweezie :

Well, my kitty Bhutros is Jewish, so I guess I need to put in an alchemy request for a yarmulke.

Rate this comment: +11

Mar 18, 2010
3:25 pm

#64 ckinsobe :

#63 blondeweezie

You’ll also need a Lolcats Torah

Rate this comment: +6

Mar 18, 2010
3:32 pm

#65 hamoza :

#63 weezie, don’t waste your money.
Boychickitty here won’t wear his yarmulke unless we bribe him with lox or gefilte fish.

Rate this comment: +7

Mar 18, 2010
3:35 pm

#66 twatsupcock :

Skully or someone, can you do something with the dear sweet Regretsy cat? I got no photoshop skills. Hope it’s not too much to ask!

Rate this comment: +6

Mar 18, 2010
4:43 pm

#67 Stomvi :

The thing that bugs me about these alchemy requests is the terrible amount of money they want to pay you. For crap’s sake, if someone goes to the trouble of turning your stupid idea into reality, just for you, I think they deserve good money for it.

Rate this comment: +10

Mar 18, 2010
4:48 pm

#68 butterwort :

Ask and ye shall receive:

http://img683.imageshack.us/img683/4184/vaticanbiblio1.jpg

Rate this comment: +18

Mar 18, 2010
4:49 pm

#69 butterwort :

I’m so glad I’m not Catholic. I can’t imagine having to explain photoshopping a cat in a priest outfit into the Vatican.

Rate this comment: +6

Mar 18, 2010
5:42 pm

#70 geektastic :

#68 bitterwort, what a handsome boy!

Rate this comment: +2

Mar 18, 2010
5:44 pm

#71 razberries :

too funny-I have always seen the bride and groom outfits for dogs and stuff. Never heard of a request such as this, though!

Rate this comment: +4

Mar 18, 2010
5:48 pm

#72 geektastic :

This is not catholic-related at all, but is cat related. I made these up last night (I’m too spaztic to just sit and watch tv) as a surprise to cheer up my SO,and myself . Lately he has been calling one of our cats Agent Orange (aka Sam). I would like comments or criticisms before I print them out. They are the first 2 pics in this album (Agent Orange and Sam Spayd).
http://s761.photobucket.com/albums/xx256/geektastic_whimsy/Pets/

Rate this comment: +2

Mar 18, 2010
6:19 pm

#73 Vile & Evil Debbie Downer :

I have a cat nun outfit – maybe that would work?

It’s a long story… and besides, things were different in the 70s.

Rate this comment: +4

Mar 18, 2010
7:23 pm

#74 voxwoman :

#72 Geektastic – you have ferrets?! They are so cute! I used to have 3 of them, but they’ve all gone across the rainbow bridge (adult rescues from 2001).

Rate this comment: +1

Mar 18, 2010
7:23 pm

#75 mtopia :

@72 I like them both, but especially Sam Spayd!

Rate this comment: 0

Mar 18, 2010
7:45 pm

#76 geektastic :

#74 voxwoman-unfortunately ours are all now gone too. Last two a couple of weeks ago, hance the need for cheering up. Regretsy has been invaluable to me these past weeks.

*sniff*I love you guys.

Rate this comment: +3

Mar 18, 2010
8:25 pm

#77 priceless :

Geektastic, love your cats… gorgeous!

Butterworst (re: LOLcats Bible) – I seriously weep for humanity *sigh*

Rate this comment: +1

Mar 18, 2010
8:50 pm

#78 geektastic :

I like to peruse the lolcats and loldogs sites, I just avoid reading the comments. The captions usually only use a little LOLspeak, but the comments are atrocious, and give me a headache in my eye.

Rate this comment: +3

Mar 19, 2010
3:10 am

#79 clitty's got claws :

I can’t possibly imagine why someone would need a priest outfit for their cat, other than for Halloween. Does anyone want to enlighten me? Lol.

Rate this comment: +3

Mar 19, 2010
12:14 pm

#80 geektastic :

They need to confess? A lot? On the spot?

Rate this comment: +3

Mar 23, 2010
3:00 am

#81 PussDaddy :

So what, he’s just a PussFather and not a PussDaddy. There’s a difference you know.

Rate this comment: 0

Apr 7, 2010
12:22 pm

#82 Brandex :

So every time the cat takes a crap he’s going to his confession box.

I’d like to see costumes for a cat Interfaith summit next, though I think you’re asking for trouble if you try to stick a bushy Muslim beard on a cat’s face.

Rate this comment: 0