“They are fairly strong, but please remember that tatting is lace, not chainmail. This comes from a home with a woodstove, but no tobacco smoke. My peaceful tatting moments are shared with our Yorkie sitting to my right thigh, and our parrot perched upon my knee.”
Hold on… I am getting a visual here. Can someone photoshop this???
what kinda disney-quasi-voodoo is this shit?
this oughta be under the centerpiece on aunt virginia’s dining room table so she doesn’t get any rings in her varnish.
Once you get to the baby making stage, why do you still have to call it “hanki-panki”? Seems like at that point you’re way past Jr.High euphemisms for sex.
I don’t need a Micky Mouse fertility enhancement, but the chakra cha-cha ring or the psychic protection cha-cha ring would allow me to give decorative, cha-cha birds to whomever might need them.
You know, we had a mouse problem in our house over the winter. The Orkin guy told me that mice breed like crazy and the term shouldn’t be “breed like rabbits” but “breed like mice”.
#14: Agreed. I actually think it’s somewhat offensive for adults to use stupid euphemisms for sex…just call it what it fucking is and spare us the “hanki-panki”! (And this is ignoring that it should be spelled “hanky-panky”.)
And this was clearly not the right project for variegated thread…talk about hideous pooling!
Granted, tatting is a time consuming kind of handmade lace. Those little knots take forever to add up to anything.
So if you’re going to do all that work, why not make something pretty/useful?
A nice edging to sew on a christening cap perhaps, or a wedding hankie – not a mickie to watch over your “hankie-pankie”
That said, I think this is totally the wrong approach. If your uterus isn’t doing its job, you don’t tuck it in at night with a magic crystal blanket! Everyone knows you speak to it severely and tell it that if it won’t do its job, you will look elsewhere for a body part that will.
I’m no expert, but I have read a bit about this crystal fuckery shit, and there appears to be no crystal here. Semi-precious beads, yes, but no actual crystals, and I thought that the voodoo was supposed to be from the natural crystal formation?
And not only should she not have used variegated thread, but red and green? What a waste of hard work.
Agreed, the tatting is nice, it takes forever to make something, and I’m too blind to be able to do that now. It’s an arduous old school skill that’s dying out.
But please leave out the healing crystals and spiritual thoughts.
And crikey! Give me something in one color instead of that ugly abomination of hombre thread.
Oh, I see, I missed this part: “Baby Love is made of a beautiful vintage red, green and white thread, suitably used for their healing properties.” Huh? I have several boxes of vintage-to-antique embroidery thread, should be rubbing that on cuts and abrasions?
I’m a tatter and I must say this is great work. Bad color, but very intricate and certainly time consuming. It’s a pity that she is marketing it as a fricking fertility tool. Stand on your head after hanky panky! That’ll knock you up!
From the listing: “PLEASE NOTE: SUPERVISION IS REQUIRED WITH SMALL CHILDREN, AS IT CONTAINS SMALL PARTS WHICH COULD BE INGESTED, INHALED, OR PUT INTO OTHER PARTS OF THE BODY(NOSE, EARS). PLEASE USE EXTREME CAUTION WHEN LITTLE CHILDREN ARE PRESENT!”
Is that before, during, or after the “hanki panki?”
That looks like a lot of work and I respect that. Etsy is for crafts, nice ones. So tatting is a great contribution.
However, the fact remains that you are a stranger on the internet. It is hard enough to talk to anyone about fertility (family members, doctors etc…). Why should I trust you with providing me with offspring? If you want to do a distance cleansing of my house, knock yourself out, but stay out of my bedroom, okay?
Word,
My grandmother had one of these draped over the back of her sofa. I hope to hell he did’t lay it over her uterus. Oh Christ, I’m talking about my grandmother’s uterus. I’m gonna puke.
Maybe it’s not that the fertility doily looks like mickey mouse, but that mickey mouse looks like a uterus.
That said, I want to use the term “fertility doily” as much as possible now.
I want to learn to tat now, so that I can make some contraceptive doilies. Don’t waste your time telling me that it is scientifically impossible. If this lady deals in fertility, I want to deal in birth prevention!
Nothing like fantasizing about Mickey Mouse giving you cunnilingus to encourage conception.
On another note: As a woman who has experienced pregnancy loss, I want to slap this bitch for preying on vulnerable ladies who will believe that there is something wrong with them that a stupid doily can fix.
Some women blame God for pregnancy loss, some blame themselves, but now they can blame not having spent 48 dollars on an ugly doily…
#63 Mergatroid Thank you for saying that, I felt that way too but as I have not had a loss of a pregnancy felt it was not my place to say so, I first thought of my friends who tried unsuccessfully for three years before choosing to stop trying and adopt, to minimalize a serious probelm into being so easy to resolve is insulting.
#64 SuperSnark : “to minimalize a serious probelm into being so easy to resolve is insulting.”
Yes! Not to mention the fact that it’s nasty wrong to charge someone 48 dollars for a bogus handcrafted “remedy.” I’m sure people who have been through thousands of dollars worth of IVF would be disappointed to find the answer was, all along, a disney inspired doily…
H-A-N-K-E-Y P-A-N-K-Y
Hanky Panky, Hanky Panky
Forever let us hold our doily high
Now it’s time to say whimsicle
and laugh at your fuckery
H-A-N- Not gonna buy it!
K-E-Y Why? Because you’re a moron!
P-A-N-K-Y
After four years of trying to get pregnant, numerous tests, numerous drugs and injections, I find out all I needed was a doily? Wonder if she makes a penis shaped one for male infertility.
I don’t know if I want to be thinking “It’s a small world” while I’m doing it!
Oh no!
It’s a small world after all! It’s a small world after all! It’s a small world after all! It’s a small small world! It’s a small world after all!
March 18, 2010 at 2:09 pm
Is it me or does it look like Mickey Mouse?
March 18, 2010 at 2:10 pm
If I use this, will subsequent spawn come out looking like Mickey Mouse?
March 18, 2010 at 2:10 pm
Great, I think I got knocked up just by looking at this.
March 18, 2010 at 2:11 pm
“Its a small womb after all…”
yes it looks like Mickey Mouse but its just plain GOOFEY
March 18, 2010 at 2:11 pm
“They are fairly strong, but please remember that tatting is lace, not chainmail. This comes from a home with a woodstove, but no tobacco smoke. My peaceful tatting moments are shared with our Yorkie sitting to my right thigh, and our parrot perched upon my knee.”
Hold on… I am getting a visual here. Can someone photoshop this???
March 18, 2010 at 2:12 pm
#4- Stretch65- Ha Ha!!! Good one!!!
March 18, 2010 at 2:12 pm
You can lay it on or after the hanki-panki. WTF? You lay that shit on you. There’s gonna be *no* hanki-panki.
Or hankey-pankey. Only a fucking hankie… or a tissue.
March 18, 2010 at 2:13 pm
Oh nothing will get my hubby to cream faster than me wearing this over my uterus. What the hell did people do before this???
March 18, 2010 at 2:13 pm
who’s the leader of the club that’s made for you and me?
D-O-I-L-E-Y crystal fuck-er-eeeeee.
Doiley snatch. Doiley snatch.
The price of our bullshit is HIGH HIGH HIGH HIGH!
Am I the only one who thinks that this so-called girlbits doiley looks like Mickey Mouse?
March 18, 2010 at 2:14 pm
@#8 smurfy: gross! lol!
March 18, 2010 at 2:15 pm
Someone’s going to conceive a copyright infringement.
March 18, 2010 at 2:17 pm
what kinda disney-quasi-voodoo is this shit?
this oughta be under the centerpiece on aunt virginia’s dining room table so she doesn’t get any rings in her varnish.
by the way is hanki-panki japanese or something?
March 18, 2010 at 2:20 pm
Nothing helps people reproduce like a mental image of disney characters.
March 18, 2010 at 2:21 pm
Once you get to the baby making stage, why do you still have to call it “hanki-panki”? Seems like at that point you’re way past Jr.High euphemisms for sex.
March 18, 2010 at 2:22 pm
Yup, holistic horseshit!
March 18, 2010 at 2:23 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 18, 2010 at 2:25 pm
Um, are there actually any crystals?
March 18, 2010 at 2:25 pm
You know, we had a mouse problem in our house over the winter. The Orkin guy told me that mice breed like crazy and the term shouldn’t be “breed like rabbits” but “breed like mice”.
So, there you go.
March 18, 2010 at 2:26 pm
Setting aside the Mickey Mouse thing, that looks absolutely NOTHING like a uterus.
March 18, 2010 at 2:26 pm
#14: Agreed. I actually think it’s somewhat offensive for adults to use stupid euphemisms for sex…just call it what it fucking is and spare us the “hanki-panki”! (And this is ignoring that it should be spelled “hanky-panky”.)
And this was clearly not the right project for variegated thread…talk about hideous pooling!
March 18, 2010 at 2:32 pm
Granted, tatting is a time consuming kind of handmade lace. Those little knots take forever to add up to anything.
So if you’re going to do all that work, why not make something pretty/useful?
A nice edging to sew on a christening cap perhaps, or a wedding hankie – not a mickie to watch over your “hankie-pankie”
March 18, 2010 at 2:35 pm
I love that she had to specify that the crystals are “non invasive”. Getting a mental picture of what an invasive crystal would look like.
Maybe this:
http://newsimg.ngfiles.com/129000/129583_Golf_Trophy.jpg
March 18, 2010 at 2:35 pm
It’s too bad she got all crystally and uterusey, because the tatting is very nicely done. I love this:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=20102306
That said, I think this is totally the wrong approach. If your uterus isn’t doing its job, you don’t tuck it in at night with a magic crystal blanket! Everyone knows you speak to it severely and tell it that if it won’t do its job, you will look elsewhere for a body part that will.
March 18, 2010 at 2:35 pm
Great, Now I can tell people my Minnie Mouse Tattoo is really a Baby love fertility tattoo!
I should charge a buck for people to rub it.
March 18, 2010 at 2:36 pm
I can only imagine any couple trying to conceive would want to strangle this seller with her own Mickey Mouse doily.
March 18, 2010 at 2:37 pm
btw – The “hanki-panki” tends to disappear after conception and birth. Just sayin’. Careful what you ask the crystals for.
March 18, 2010 at 2:39 pm
What, no Fallopian tubes?? No wonder that can’t get pregnant!
March 18, 2010 at 2:43 pm
I’m no expert, but I have read a bit about this crystal fuckery shit, and there appears to be no crystal here. Semi-precious beads, yes, but no actual crystals, and I thought that the voodoo was supposed to be from the natural crystal formation?
And not only should she not have used variegated thread, but red and green? What a waste of hard work.
March 18, 2010 at 2:45 pm
#21 yardhicken
Agreed, the tatting is nice, it takes forever to make something, and I’m too blind to be able to do that now. It’s an arduous old school skill that’s dying out.
But please leave out the healing crystals and spiritual thoughts.
And crikey! Give me something in one color instead of that ugly abomination of hombre thread.
March 18, 2010 at 2:45 pm
Oh, I see, I missed this part: “Baby Love is made of a beautiful vintage red, green and white thread, suitably used for their healing properties.” Huh? I have several boxes of vintage-to-antique embroidery thread, should be rubbing that on cuts and abrasions?
March 18, 2010 at 2:51 pm
If you read her bio, she puts her ‘friend’- a rose quartz, out in the sun in the morning.
Wanky-hanky-panky.
Capable tatting,not a good color choice for getting sexed up.
March 18, 2010 at 2:58 pm
Introducing the new male herbal fertility gauntlet! Make sure to remove before the euphemism!!
http://api.ning.com/files/IFQ5zoE4sLWCQGV7PKDYZTkGUrpmZyD1OBbHgK7JrBQ_/goofy.jpg.w300h418.jpg
March 18, 2010 at 3:05 pm
“The only evidence we found was this doily, Sarge. We think the suspect knitted –
“That’s tatting, Barsky.”
“…tatted…the doily for the victim. She must have used it to try to clean up the blood after she snapped and bludgeoned him to death.
“There’s something really goofy about this murder Barsky.”
March 18, 2010 at 3:14 pm
Is this the hippie version of “Vagazzling”??
March 18, 2010 at 3:15 pm
Of all the newagey hoohah beliefs, this sort of thing and numerology make the least sense to me. Sigh.
March 18, 2010 at 3:23 pm
So… the more you “use” this during “hanki-panki”… the better it works (i.e. increases your chances to conceive).
OK, call me unenlightened, call me what you will. But… wouldn’t it be because you’re having “hanki-panki” more often?
Sorry, sorry, I know, letting a dumb thing like science get in the way of perfectly good holistic horseshit.
March 18, 2010 at 3:25 pm
Mistletoe, I totally agree.
March 18, 2010 at 3:30 pm
Wait, uterus doily? What?
March 18, 2010 at 3:35 pm
Does it come in a thong?
Is it absorbent?
March 18, 2010 at 3:41 pm
I’m a tatter and I must say this is great work. Bad color, but very intricate and certainly time consuming. It’s a pity that she is marketing it as a fricking fertility tool. Stand on your head after hanky panky! That’ll knock you up!
March 18, 2010 at 3:44 pm
yep totally looks like Mouseketeer fuckery
http://www.flickr.com/photos/51423921@N00/4443583081/
March 18, 2010 at 4:02 pm
If crystals are so healing then why not just get vajazzled? More conducive to–erm–hanky-ing and panky-ing IMHO.
March 18, 2010 at 4:13 pm
Well, since no one liked my porcelain bowel as seen in a bordello, I thought I better redeem myself with another View It in a Room:
http://i761.photobucket.com/albums/xx256/geektastic_whimsy/Regretsy%20NSFW/tatting.png
March 18, 2010 at 4:15 pm
Stay away people. My cat slept on this and now I have a litter of kittens.
March 18, 2010 at 4:19 pm
From the listing: “PLEASE NOTE: SUPERVISION IS REQUIRED WITH SMALL CHILDREN, AS IT CONTAINS SMALL PARTS WHICH COULD BE INGESTED, INHALED, OR PUT INTO OTHER PARTS OF THE BODY(NOSE, EARS). PLEASE USE EXTREME CAUTION WHEN LITTLE CHILDREN ARE PRESENT!”
Is that before, during, or after the “hanki panki?”
March 18, 2010 at 4:38 pm
Yeah, it’s Mickey Mouse with sunburn.
March 18, 2010 at 4:46 pm
Good one, #43 geektastic! Especially the crystal in the chair.
March 18, 2010 at 4:49 pm
Dear Seller,
That looks like a lot of work and I respect that. Etsy is for crafts, nice ones. So tatting is a great contribution.
However, the fact remains that you are a stranger on the internet. It is hard enough to talk to anyone about fertility (family members, doctors etc…). Why should I trust you with providing me with offspring? If you want to do a distance cleansing of my house, knock yourself out, but stay out of my bedroom, okay?
Word,
March 18, 2010 at 5:26 pm
Looks like a Mickey Mouse doiley that went horribly wrong… so she had to somehow reclaim her loss.
March 18, 2010 at 5:32 pm
The tatting really IS nice… but I’m confused by this:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=21611171
It’s NINE FEET IN DIAMETER?!?
March 18, 2010 at 5:42 pm
http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4010/4444567784_2ab73ede26_o.jpg
March 18, 2010 at 5:48 pm
late to the game…I agree with everyone- first thing I saw was Mickey Mouse…LOL
ISUS…nice ‘shop
March 18, 2010 at 5:55 pm
Thanks a lot, ISUS, now I have an image in my brain of Mickey and Minnie going at it in the twirling teacups.
March 18, 2010 at 6:24 pm
My grandmother had one of these draped over the back of her sofa. I hope to hell he did’t lay it over her uterus. Oh Christ, I’m talking about my grandmother’s uterus. I’m gonna puke.
March 18, 2010 at 6:29 pm
Great, now I have to go burn all Mee-Maw’s afghans, the last thing I need is another freaking baby.
March 18, 2010 at 6:34 pm
Maybe it’s not that the fertility doily looks like mickey mouse, but that mickey mouse looks like a uterus.
That said, I want to use the term “fertility doily” as much as possible now.
March 18, 2010 at 6:37 pm
Everytime we get something in here, I try to think of something funny to say…but you guys always come up with everything before I do.
Oh, well…thanks for the hysterical laughter, anyway. I was needing that badly.
March 18, 2010 at 7:14 pm
Me, to my husband, in a sexy voice: “Hey, how’d you like me to wear one of these when we’re getting in the mood?”
My husband, staring at the screen in disgust: “Thank god you’re already pregnant!”
March 18, 2010 at 7:15 pm
Too bad I spent all that money on fertility treatments that didn’t work when I just could’ve bought this thing. If I had only known…….
March 18, 2010 at 7:17 pm
I want to learn to tat now, so that I can make some contraceptive doilies. Don’t waste your time telling me that it is scientifically impossible. If this lady deals in fertility, I want to deal in birth prevention!
March 18, 2010 at 7:37 pm
Wow! I am lucky to have conceived twice, as my hubby and just having plain old sex to get pregnant not hanki panki!
Yes, very nice work but I think she needs to get out once in a while starting to get a little street rat crazy tattin’ at home with the parrot!
March 18, 2010 at 7:49 pm
This is simply inconceivable.
March 18, 2010 at 7:51 pm
Nothing like fantasizing about Mickey Mouse giving you cunnilingus to encourage conception.
On another note: As a woman who has experienced pregnancy loss, I want to slap this bitch for preying on vulnerable ladies who will believe that there is something wrong with them that a stupid doily can fix.
Some women blame God for pregnancy loss, some blame themselves, but now they can blame not having spent 48 dollars on an ugly doily…
March 18, 2010 at 7:56 pm
motherfucking fallopian ears…
March 18, 2010 at 8:05 pm
#63 Mergatroid Thank you for saying that, I felt that way too but as I have not had a loss of a pregnancy felt it was not my place to say so, I first thought of my friends who tried unsuccessfully for three years before choosing to stop trying and adopt, to minimalize a serious probelm into being so easy to resolve is insulting.
March 18, 2010 at 8:10 pm
#64 SuperSnark : “to minimalize a serious probelm into being so easy to resolve is insulting.”
Yes! Not to mention the fact that it’s nasty wrong to charge someone 48 dollars for a bogus handcrafted “remedy.” I’m sure people who have been through thousands of dollars worth of IVF would be disappointed to find the answer was, all along, a disney inspired doily…
March 18, 2010 at 8:44 pm
Before she renamed it a ‘fertility doily’, this piece was titled ‘Serial Mickey’.
March 18, 2010 at 8:51 pm
M.I.C…K.E.Y….M.O.U.S.E…!
March 18, 2010 at 9:18 pm
Is that a blood stained Mickey Mouse?
March 18, 2010 at 10:52 pm
Ha! A reusable Mickey Tatted panty liner!
March 19, 2010 at 2:50 am
Disney is the prime example of whats wrong with the world. And here is something that you are going to let touch your skin?
Burn it and do the rosery 50 times.
March 19, 2010 at 3:19 am
#43 Geektastic- good one!!!!
March 19, 2010 at 3:51 am
I had no idea that Mickey Mouse was a fertility symbol. I guess you really do learn something new everyday.
March 19, 2010 at 6:46 am
It starts by saying “Sometimes we need a little nudge in the right direction to get what we want.”
A nudge for conception?
I smell a rat.
March 19, 2010 at 6:52 am
Three-way with Mickey?
I’ll pass.
March 19, 2010 at 7:10 am
H-A-N-K-E-Y P-A-N-K-Y
Hanky Panky, Hanky Panky
Forever let us hold our doily high
Now it’s time to say whimsicle
and laugh at your fuckery
H-A-N- Not gonna buy it!
K-E-Y Why? Because you’re a moron!
P-A-N-K-Y
March 19, 2010 at 7:16 am
Finally a mature approach to dealing with “hanky panky” problems.
Just put it on your “no no” parts and the stork will fly right over.
March 19, 2010 at 7:29 am
Useful for many years to come…..use it to conceive and then use it under a crystal candy bowl on your end table.
March 19, 2010 at 8:10 am
PS- Anyone else now have the Diana Ross song stuck in their head???
March 19, 2010 at 9:09 am
Good glory, her tatting work is beautiful. Her descriptions are crap.
…leave…Mickey…alone!!!!
March 19, 2010 at 9:15 am
HK love your title! No doubt Darwin would agree!
March 19, 2010 at 10:33 am
I thought I thought I saw a pussy tat….
March 19, 2010 at 9:21 pm
This is for fertility? I would’ve mistaken it for an IUD.
March 20, 2010 at 7:52 am
After four years of trying to get pregnant, numerous tests, numerous drugs and injections, I find out all I needed was a doily? Wonder if she makes a penis shaped one for male infertility.
March 20, 2010 at 6:49 pm
LMMFAO!!! What #84 said. If I’da known about THIS shit, I could have saved, what, a hundred grand?! Oh, wait, make that $99.952.00.
March 21, 2010 at 3:45 pm
“78 rodgertheshrubber :
Useful for many years to come…..use it to conceive and then use it under a crystal candy bowl on your end table.”
Actually, one large and two smaller crystal candy bowls would do the trick. . .
March 22, 2010 at 7:43 am
I think she needs to learn the difference between crystals and gemstones
March 23, 2010 at 2:54 am
Jesus H. Christ, if you lay this thing anywhere near your ovaries or uterus or vagina you will never get laid.
March 23, 2010 at 2:55 am
She should probably remarket it as a birth control doily.
April 10, 2010 at 6:47 pm
I don’t know if I want to be thinking “It’s a small world” while I’m doing it!
Oh no!
It’s a small world after all! It’s a small world after all! It’s a small world after all! It’s a small small world! It’s a small world after all!