Big Fat News Update
BOOK SIGNING AT BORDERS
Holy hell. The book is here.
I got a copy in the mail from Random House and I have to say, I think it looks great. There are over 50 sellers featured, and there’s a comprehensive, indexed seller’s guide in the back of the book so you can find them.
The art inside the book is done by Etsy artists, and it’s fantastic. There are 7 or 8 full-bleed pages of chapter artwork, done by such Regretsy greats as Chickenpants and the fantastic Denny “Say What” Pinkham.
And now it’s confirmed: I’m going to be reading from the book and signing your copies on April 6th at Borders in Glendale! It’s amazing, isn’t it? I’m reading out loud and writing my name, just like normal people!
So I’d like to invite anyone featured in the book to come down to Borders on April 6th at 7:00 PM and sign books with me! And if you’ve been featured on Regretsy and want to come down, I would love to see you. Bring your business cards and we’ll leave them on the table so everyone can grab them.
Yes, it’s all terribly exciting. But here’s where it gets really good.
The first 50 people to get their book signed will get a free embroidered panty liner bookmark by HiBird, maker of the now world famous embroidered toilet paper.
You’re not going to get that kind of action from Jackie Collins!
Borders Books
100 S. Brand Blvd.
Glendale, CA 91204
Phone: 818.241.8099
Hope to see you there!
EBAY AUCTION ENDS TOMORROW
As you know, we’re auctioning off a gorgeous handmade designer Regretsy bag on Ebay. The bag comes with a collection of handmade purse charms by Regretsy artists, and it’s filled with amazing things like jewelry, toys, beauty products and an autographed copy of the Regretsy book.
The proceeds from the auction will benefit Elayne Boosler’s Tails of Joy (that’s Elayne modeling the bag).
The auction ends tomorrow, and I’m really excited about how well we’re doing with it. Between the money that we’ve already raised from Zazzle, and the bids on the bag, we’re going to exceed $1000, which is a really impressive contribution to a great cause.
If you want to bid on the bag, there’s still time. If it’s already more than you want to spend, watch it close with us tomorrow and see how high it goes!
And finally . . .
You know, we get a lot of feedback over here.
Between Facebook and Twitter and your comments and emails, we hear plenty out of you people. And surprisingly, very little of it is irritating.
But there are two things we can count on hearing every day.
First, we’ll get at least three emails about the “Rear Gear” stickers you’re supposed to put over your dog’s ass. That never gets old.
And second, someone will tell us a post “doesn’t belong on Regretsy.” It’s not quite as fun as the picture of the girl posing next to a dog’s asshole, but it’s really close.
So close in fact, that Bronc made us some “This doesn’t belong on Regretsy” merchandise for your shopping pleasure!
This doesn’t belong on Regretsy Magnet
This doesn’t belong on Regretsy Mousepad
This doesn’t belong on Regretsy T-Shirt
This doesn’t belong on Regretsy Mug
So go on! Buy yourself a handsome This doesn’t belong on Regretsy T-shirt on Zazzle today! And when you get it in the mail, put it on and take a picture of you wearing it, giving a thumbs up and smiling next to your dog’s asshole.
The first person to send me a picture like that will get an autographed copy of the Regretsy book and a picture of my dog’s ass.
As always, all proceeds from Zazzle merchandise go into the Regretsy Alchemy Fund. The fund is used to support various charities, and in some cases, benefit Etsy sellers in need.
March 18, 2010 at 12:35 pm
My daughter likes to put maxi pads all over herself. If I send you a picture of that do I get something?
March 18, 2010 at 12:36 pm
You rock!
March 18, 2010 at 12:40 pm
Big fat dog asshole congrats!!
March 18, 2010 at 12:42 pm
Yay! If I wasn’t so broke this would be a perfect reason to come back to LA.
March 18, 2010 at 12:45 pm
All the ordained cats here think this is a great reason to get close to a dogs ass,congrats.
March 18, 2010 at 12:45 pm
Better yet, if I show up to the store with her covered in them can she sit on the table and help sign? Congratulations!!
March 18, 2010 at 12:46 pm
Is Glendale anywhere near Philadelphia?
March 18, 2010 at 12:47 pm
oh, hell yeah! I will most likely be there!
(i did sign the artist agreement…but i don’t really know if i actually ended up in the book!)
March 18, 2010 at 12:54 pm
I’m so there! Just like old times
March 18, 2010 at 12:57 pm
Wish I could be there but Maine is a bit far from Glendale. You should get pictures to share with us.
March 18, 2010 at 1:07 pm
whoohoo! any idea when people who were featured will get a book? i don’t know if i made it and should buy one or not ; )
March 18, 2010 at 1:18 pm
I must call shenanigans. Your dog-asshole contest is discriminatory against those of us who only stock cat assholes in our homes.
March 18, 2010 at 1:19 pm
but I don’t have a dog :0(
Does it count the same if I take a pic next to my husband?
March 18, 2010 at 1:22 pm
Of course I had to look up those Rear Gear things. Wow. But they appear to be things that you hang on the dog’s tail, rather than stickers (which I thought would be kind of irritating on a sensitive area.
March 18, 2010 at 1:31 pm
@marlenmouse, ppirdum–
I’m sure somebody could photoshop in a dog’s butt if needed.
March 18, 2010 at 1:34 pm
@ppirdum-only if she can see his asshole.
March 18, 2010 at 1:45 pm
Hey- i am gonna write you today about the whole borders thing. look for my email
March 18, 2010 at 1:47 pm
There are plenty of reasons I want to be in LA right now, and this is now added to the list.
March 18, 2010 at 1:52 pm
Swamprat – I will go through the book this weekend and make a list of everyone who got in (unfortunately, Random House cut a few people). I’ll let everyone know next week.
March 18, 2010 at 1:53 pm
I’m going to start the bitching for an East Coast book signing trip…primarily because I like to bitch. But also because there’s a snowball’s chance in hell I can get to Cali.
March 18, 2010 at 1:59 pm
Ducks – I have two events in NYC the last week of April, and two days in Boston next month. I’ll post as soon as I get the info!
March 18, 2010 at 2:03 pm
Any chance you will be in Toronto Helen?
March 18, 2010 at 2:11 pm
thanks a pantload helen!!
March 18, 2010 at 2:16 pm
Chicago? We love you here!
March 18, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Only cat butts around here too. Would that count?
March 18, 2010 at 3:50 pm
I will be there! Yipee!
Wow, I have never been so excited to go to Glendale!
March 18, 2010 at 3:56 pm
@ #26 – I am so excited you’re going to be there! You have to sign your Vulvacraft artwork in my book!!!
March 18, 2010 at 4:02 pm
Ok!!!! hehe! yaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
March 18, 2010 at 5:35 pm
Just reading all of this now…been gone all day- how very exciting! Congrats to you, Helen and all the Regretsy sellers!
I will wait patiently for you to make it to the east coast…not much longer.
It honestly feels like waiting for Santa to come
ps- Woebegone, I hope you enjoyed the butt covers statement…I know I sure did…LOL
March 18, 2010 at 6:00 pm
Congratulations to the max!
“This doesn’t belong on Regretsy” is right up there with ‘R-word’ in my book; a fair indicator of a constipated mind.
What do you call a dog with a butt-patch?
Asinine.
And I’m spent.
March 18, 2010 at 7:07 pm
I know it’s a long shot, but please come to FL!!!
March 18, 2010 at 8:48 pm
I am one of the assholes who sent you the dog asshole stickers. I had no idea it was some sort of viral fuckery. I humbly apologize and throw myself at your mercy.
March 18, 2010 at 9:20 pm
I am an asshole too. I also sent the dog peek-a-butt sticker link.
March 18, 2010 at 10:51 pm
http://www.facebook.com/regretsy?v=wall#!/photo.php?pid=5021895&o=all&op=1&view=all&subj=285066400359&aid=-1&id=631528487&oid=285066400359
Cosmic Yak forgives. All you need do is ask.
March 18, 2010 at 11:05 pm
Why do these stupid FB links never work? It must be that exclamation point. I didn’t originally post the pic, so I don’t want to upload it anywhere else. You can see it by cutting and pasting the address.
March 18, 2010 at 11:40 pm
I’ll just bet you already have a place booked here in Iowa. Bah ahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
We only get Presidential hopefuls. Do you feel sorry enough for me that if I purchase the book and sent it to you to would you sign it and give it back? I would not even care if you did it next to an asshole as long as you made sure whom ever owns the asshole scooted around on the carpet first.
Fuck, I could send you a picture of me reading it next to a cow’s asshole.
March 19, 2010 at 9:06 am
Guilty of sending Dog Asshole stickers as well! …but seriously? Who TF could possibly think that’s a good idea!?!?
Helen – can you plan a stop in Toronto? Puullleeease! Pretty Pleeeeease! Hell, I’ll drive to Buffalo if your past shenanigans prevent the mounties from letting you in!
March 19, 2010 at 9:13 am
…Sweet Fancy Moses, the preorder on amazon.ca is only $12.99 CDN! Hell, you can’t even pick up a copy of Filament for 13-bucks here!
March 19, 2010 at 9:23 am
That’s 3 votes Toronto, Helen! Come on we will totally make sure it’s a full house for ya!! Then you can say you’re “internationally acclaimed”
And congrats… you must be on cloud 9!
March 19, 2010 at 11:58 am
I’ve been lurking for ages – just wanted to add my voice to the chorus in Toronto!
March 19, 2010 at 8:51 pm
Cool! And…. who won the bag? The winner’s user name is “A….L” – Hey?! Did you not want to part with your junk drawer items? Or maybe the whole package was just too fabulous to let go?
March 20, 2010 at 12:26 am
Gunfunnit! This is so damned exciting … I think I may have something in that book and I’ve spent thirty years writing hoity toity art critiques for hoity toity newspapers … and Random House never even took a peek at me before. Ohhhhh la la …
Now if I could just swim … I’d be there in Glendale. How about a book tour in Hawaii?
March 21, 2010 at 8:42 am
is glendale in the UK? no? shame
I hadn’t realised some of us had been cut – fingers crossed. will it help if I buy a dog’s arse?
March 22, 2010 at 12:39 am
CONGRATS! and oh, the irony! Jackie Collins used to pop in @ that Borders location all the time to sign her books – back when I worked there!
March 23, 2010 at 2:57 am
I bought a book a couple of days ago.