101

Paper Fail

I love yellowed index cards! I also like pictures of nachos that have turned cyan from sitting in the 7-11 window.

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101 comments on Paper Fail

  1. HelenaHandbasket
    March 15, 2010 at 9:17 am

    Despite their protestations I’m not sure I DO trust them. So many times I buy these, and find they are not truly aged to perfection, but just that they let their cat piss on them.

    Thumb up Thumb down +211

  2. X Random Snarker X
    March 15, 2010 at 9:18 am

    I thought that was what happens when you smoke inside, and leave paper around… yellowing due to nicotine stains…
    Either way, If I wanted aged looking index cards, it’s easy enough to rub an old tea bag on them…
    [insert "tea bag" joke here]

    Thumb up Thumb down +63

  3. hamoza
    March 15, 2010 at 9:19 am

    Is this an early April fools joke? What is next? Yellowed teeth? Yellowed whites of the eyes?
    Shit man I almost had a fucking goldmine in yellowed newspapers ’til I dumped them in a recycling bin.

    Thumb up Thumb down +43

  4. Lola
    March 15, 2010 at 9:20 am

    Oh joy, patina — just what I’ve been searching for in a notecard. She does realize there’s a “supplies” category, so you don’t have to pretend things are vintage, right?

    Thumb up Thumb down +66

  5. Chrisnyc1213
    March 15, 2010 at 9:20 am

    These would go nicely with my collection of vintage dried out BIC pens.

    Thumb up Thumb down +178

  6. starrydreams
    March 15, 2010 at 9:20 am

    You have got to be kidding???!!!!! #3 hamoza- I agree?? What next??? Yellow toilet paper???

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  7. herzeleid
    March 15, 2010 at 9:22 am

    That’s it! I’m putting my gently used kitty litter up for sale.

    Thumb up Thumb down +77

  8. voxwoman
    March 15, 2010 at 9:23 am

    I think I paid 1.50 for 300 of those back in the day. And they are aged to perfection as well.

    I even have larger ones, with “vintage notes” on them. Perhaps there’s a market for my mom’s old file of quotations? I was stupidly recycling the backs of those for my grocery lists… I am so dumb sometimes.

    Thumb up Thumb down +68

  9. TacomaMiss
    March 15, 2010 at 9:24 am

    Hey, anybody want some of my old fluorescent 3x5s from 7th grade? I’m sure they rattled around in my bookbag at some point.

    CONVO ME FOR EXTRA SHARPIE STAINS

    Thumb up Thumb down +126

  10. babalu
    March 15, 2010 at 9:25 am

    um……why????

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  11. jeffreyrcarey
    March 15, 2010 at 9:25 am

    Put the index cards back in the drawer and back away. Let them get knocked around for another 50 years and then sell them. They’ll be worth at least $1.51 by then.

    Thumb up Thumb down +64

  12. hamoza
    March 15, 2010 at 9:25 am

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -9

  13. babalu
    March 15, 2010 at 9:28 am

    @#5 – Chrisnyc1213 – BTW, speaking of Bic pens, has anyone seen the thread on Amazon UK of reader comments on Bic pens, it truly is hilarious (but doesn’t hold a candle to Regretsy of course ;-) )

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000JTOYLS/ref=cm_cr_dp_all_summary?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending

    Thumb up Thumb down +29

  14. hamoza
    March 15, 2010 at 9:28 am

    She says the photos don’t do these classic cards justice. I suggest in the future that she hire the finest photographer around , so that we get the full
    picture.

    Thumb up Thumb down +45

  15. lifeshighway
    March 15, 2010 at 9:29 am

    I also own several vintage notebook paper reams in the original package (highly collectible) from a buying spree at Sam’s Club year ago.

    As a shout out to #1, cat pee is optional and must be requested in advance.

    Thumb up Thumb down +17

  16. Monstrosa
    March 15, 2010 at 9:29 am

    The Mystery of the Yellow Cards. Same plot as The Emperor’s New Clothes?
    I’m going to be very amused if someone actually buys this.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  17. razberries
    March 15, 2010 at 9:30 am

    yellowed to perfection and index cards are words that just don’t quite go together

    Thumb up Thumb down +17

  18. gdpainter
    March 15, 2010 at 9:30 am

    These will go great with my vintage juice box and a big glass of WTF!!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +28

  19. Wilma Fingerdoo
    March 15, 2010 at 9:35 am

    I would like to offer my son’s vintage underwear. They also have a patina, and are yellowed to perfection.
    Also may include a few brown scribbles.

    Thumb up Thumb down +59

  20. redredred
    March 15, 2010 at 9:39 am

    It could be worse. The seller could be selling them for $15.00 or $150.00. Which would no longer surprise me.

    Now if this seller made these index cards out of papyrus, bought a carton of Marlboros and carefully blew smoke on the edges all day, then trained their cat to piss on them just exactly right to achieve the proper vintage look, then I’d be a little more impressed.

    Thumb up Thumb down +29

  21. CynicalKnight
    March 15, 2010 at 9:40 am

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -97

  22. Chrisnyc1213
    March 15, 2010 at 9:41 am

    #13 babalu – Thank you. I can’t wait to read them all. I know this is me going off on a tangent, but please check out the comments on the Steering Wheel Desk.

    http://www.amazon.com/Mobile-Office-WM-01-Laptop-Steering/dp/B000IZGIA8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=automotive&qid=1268674837&sr=8-1

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  23. hamoza
    March 15, 2010 at 9:44 am

    #13 babalu, too funny. I had no idea this kind of talk was going on….an unstoppable pen as in like an automobile with a stuck accelerator pedal? …and I thought I was a little nutsy.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  24. The Mayor of Bethville
    March 15, 2010 at 9:44 am

    Wow! I bet those have aged for a whole five years. They will be PERFECT for my class presentation on the 2004 election.

    Thumb up Thumb down +17

  25. chicalookate
    March 15, 2010 at 9:45 am

    I think the Mystery is why someone would pay for them.

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  26. MAG
    March 15, 2010 at 9:46 am

    Check out the new listings in my Etsy Shop.

    Vintage Yellowed Post-it Notes
    Child Safe magic markers with the ink dried.
    Vintage Paperclips bent in unusual shapes
    Pre-Stretched Elastic Bands.
    Vintage Used Ink Jets (makes great paper weights)

    And for that perfect gift.
    Vintage slightly used toilet paper!

    Thumb up Thumb down +30

  27. DucksNew
    March 15, 2010 at 9:49 am

    You know, this is kind of fucking brilliant lol. I have to admire the balls this seller has.I only wish I had saved all the yellowed index cards I had thrown away over the years.

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  28. angie
    March 15, 2010 at 9:53 am

    damn it!! why did i throw away that old Trapper Keeper of mine?!?! It was filled with all sorts of vintage papers that were yellowed *almost* to perfection.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  29. hamoza
    March 15, 2010 at 9:58 am

    I especially love her listing for sewing bobbins, complete with thread & the word hope , where she suggests flossing teeth are also a good use for them . I’m sure they’re sterile & of course are aged to perfection.

    Thumb up Thumb down +24

  30. cappysue
    March 15, 2010 at 10:02 am

    Hey has any one spotted that the listing shows 2 in stock so apparently these are some damn valuable index cards. I mean the seller had to split the set.

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  31. geektastic
    March 15, 2010 at 10:03 am

    #13 babalu and #22 Chrisnyc1213
    Those are awesome! Something to peruse in between Regretsy posts.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  32. Snark-o-leptic Cesar
    March 15, 2010 at 10:06 am

    Those vintage cards are little too rich for my taste.

    Vintage 3×5 index cards are for fancy people.

    Thumb up Thumb down +32

  33. Whawhawhatsis
    March 15, 2010 at 10:08 am

    Oh boy, vintage index cards! I bet I can use them for typing on with my manual typewriter as I prepare more cards to put in the library card catalog! Gotta be cutting edge, right?

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  34. geektastic
    March 15, 2010 at 10:13 am

    #19 Wilma Fingerdoo -comment of the day!

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  35. geektastic
    March 15, 2010 at 10:15 am

    The red-thumbers are out early this afternoon I see.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  36. mtopia
    March 15, 2010 at 10:17 am

    I am an infamously easy sell when it comes to stationery, and I am sceptical. I keep every little thing for card making, and this seems like a bit too much. What does that say to you about the “perfection” of these note-cards?

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  37. pervocracy
    March 15, 2010 at 10:17 am

    If they were in a drawer, they’re not properly yellowed; they have to be in the sun to do that.

    Or, if you really need your index cards to be yellow for some reason, a little bit of tea will give you the right color for about 10 cents less per card. It’s not an authentic vintage patina though, I guess you can’t put a price on authenticity.

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  38. Vile & Evil Debbie Downer
    March 15, 2010 at 10:21 am

    When I first saw the picture, I thought (due to my shitty eyesight) that it was a vintage card catalog drawer, complete with cards. Which speaking as a card catalog wiz, would be pretty cool.

    But Vintage Yellowed-to-Perfection Blank index cards?

    To each his own, I guess.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  39. Bemused
    March 15, 2010 at 10:27 am

    #13 babalu – Thanks for the link. Extremely funny!

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  40. Wilma Fingerdoo
    March 15, 2010 at 10:29 am

    #37 VEDD-
    I know. At least have something from the dewey decimal system to identify yourself as vintage.
    Otherwise, you might as well sell your dreadlock as vintage hair.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  41. Stretch65
    March 15, 2010 at 10:31 am

    …now your note cards can match the color of your teeth. Then again the yellow could be from that day the dog had an accident…

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  42. IscreamUscream
    March 15, 2010 at 10:34 am

    On a 3×5, I’ve scribbled the following:
    1. Time it takes to photograph, crop, write description and list on Etsy: 30 minutes.
    2. Wait for buyer…who knows how long?
    3. It sold–thanks Regretsy! Now, communicate with buyer, confirm payment and shipping details, and ship: 30 minutes.
    4. I just made $2.50/hour! Oops, take off that postage: $1.50/hr. That was fun–let’s do it again :lol:

    Thumb up Thumb down +19

  43. wonderlucky
    March 15, 2010 at 10:36 am

    1. Why is this filed under “Spelling Issues”?

    2. WTF.

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  44. Helen Killer
    March 15, 2010 at 10:39 am

    @ #43 Oops. Fixed.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  45. hamoza
    March 15, 2010 at 10:40 am

    #43, not sure about the misspelling of this listing , but in her bio she says something like ‘tried in vane’-

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  46. Snark-o-leptic Cesar
    March 15, 2010 at 10:42 am

    These would be great for the holidays when family comes around.

    I’d pull out the vintage index cards, we’d admire the mystery, the patina, and talk about simpler times.

    Just can’t afford them right now.

    Thumb up Thumb down +25

  47. curlytopnola
    March 15, 2010 at 10:44 am

    i am a sucker for school supplies, so i’m tempted to make this purchase. however, i’m unsure as the standard of “yellowing” perfection…should it look like it’s been stored at the bottom of a urinal or maybe saving the place in the back of grandma’s bible….

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  48. kipper
    March 15, 2010 at 10:49 am

    Ohmygod, are those perfectly yellowed antique index cards from the same pack Lincoln used for the Gettysburg Address?!

    Ooo, I bet they ARE!

    Thumb up Thumb down +23

  49. Snark-o-leptic Cesar
    March 15, 2010 at 10:52 am

    Ahhhhhh Patina. I wanted to name my daughter Patina.

    We settled for Jaundice.

    Thumb up Thumb down +52

  50. geektastic
    March 15, 2010 at 10:53 am

    #49-that made me snort cadbury cream egg up my nose.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  51. LeeLooDallas
    March 15, 2010 at 10:55 am

    Snark takes it for the WIN! : )

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  52. IscreamUscream
    March 15, 2010 at 11:17 am

    @Snark :lol:

    fyi–all these smilies work on Regretsy–there is even one called “razz” :razz:
    http://codex.wordpress.org/Using_Smilies

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  53. takilasunrise
    March 15, 2010 at 11:18 am

    I inherited my grandma’s recipe box that has “aged” blank index cards in it still………and yep, those are vintage! But I would never sell them…….sentimental value!

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  54. geektastic
    March 15, 2010 at 11:19 am

    Thank you , ISUS, I kept meaning to look those up.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  55. takilasunrise
    March 15, 2010 at 11:19 am

    :idea:

    Had to try it!

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  56. jinxybee
    March 15, 2010 at 11:28 am

    Index cards, like fine wine (and George Clooney,) get more valuable with age. You guys are so uncultured.

    Thumb up Thumb down +17

  57. geektastic
    March 15, 2010 at 11:32 am
  58. geektastic
    March 15, 2010 at 11:34 am
  59. hamoza
    March 15, 2010 at 11:39 am

    I suggest a new rating system for vintage & all of the possible connotations -from old, olde, used, abused, yellowed, patinated, soiled,spoiled, crapulated, pissed on, contagious, radioactive, & on & on ad nauseum.

    Thumb up Thumb down +17

  60. jinxybee
    March 15, 2010 at 11:43 am

    Yup, hamoza – that stuff definitely “adds nauseum” :p

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  61. shutyourpiehole
    March 15, 2010 at 11:58 am

    What they didn’t mention is the lovely musty attic scent these “aged” index cards have acquired over the years! Mmmmm, don’t you just *love* the smell of mold?

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  62. geektastic
    March 15, 2010 at 12:02 pm

    Yay *achoo* more mold in my house *achoo* that’s just what I need *sniffle*.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  63. susanave
    March 15, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    I was cleaning out my junk drawer for the first time in 20 years….

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  64. Skully
    March 15, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    donovan/mellow yellow
    i just found some old notecards
    in the back of a drawer
    if you buy all my old shit
    maybe i can find more
    i call them mellow yellow (3×5)
    i call the mellow yellow (3×5)…

    Thumb up Thumb down +17

  65. geektastic
    March 15, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    Skully wins teh interwebs!

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  66. IscreamUscream
    March 15, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    @Skully, nice. :lol:

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  67. iamhydrogen14
    March 15, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    #46 Snark-o-leptic: “I’d pull out the vintage index cards, we’d admire the mystery, the patina, and talk about simpler times”

    To be enjoyed with some Trader Joe’s Simpler Times beer…

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  68. iamhydrogen14
    March 15, 2010 at 1:47 pm
  69. UnaBee
    March 15, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    She forgot to mention that they’re “just *STUNNING*!”

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  70. whaapplewha
    March 15, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    This royally pisses me off. How do you fucking prove index cards are vintage?!? This seller is officially on my shit list.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  71. UnaBee
    March 15, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    Argh I need to stay the fuck out of the etsy forums that talk about regretsy…some of the people who get all pissy about it are just unbearable.
    Of course, we are all making fun of index cards because we have no lives and need to feel better about ourselves and are just jealous. I’m SOOOO jealous!! I wish I had an etsy shop that looked like a suburban garage sale or a free box on the side of the road, omg! I hate myself!

    Thumb up Thumb down +21

    • Helen Killer
      March 15, 2010 at 2:27 pm

      The people who say “It must be nice to have the time to sit around and bash other people’s work all day” are generally the same people posting all day long about how shitty this site is.

      Thumb up Thumb down +22

  72. UnaBee
    March 15, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    Exactly. Or they hold regretsy to different standards than..oh…THE REST OF THE INTERNET. I’m sure none of them have ever enjoyed any snark anywhere or posted anything but 100% positive comments about anything ever. Fucking bullshit.

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  73. Helen Killer
    March 15, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    And they all love Cakewrecks.

    Thumb up Thumb down +22

  74. UnaBee
    March 15, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    Well, none of them bake for a living. Bakers don’t count. Neither do celebrities (they’re not real people and they deserve to be abused cos they’re famous), or anyone on failblog. Crafters need to be coddled and ass-kissed and told that every pompom they shit out is a special creative creation of wonderful wonderment.

    (Btw, I worked as a professional baker for 5 years, and even I love Cakewrecks.)

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

    • Helen Killer
      March 15, 2010 at 2:59 pm

      This is the mentality we’re talking about. I was hoping for something along the lines of “The Nazis donated to charity too” but it’s early in the day for Godwin.

      Also, I think seababe has a beeper so she can be paged the Regretsy threads.

      Thumb up Thumb down +17

  75. UnaBee
    March 15, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    Right. You can’t even have a civil conversation in which you disagree, because they’re speaking another language. The language of crazytown. Today someone said their comment was “censored” here and that they “can’t help it if they’re smart.” Mmm hmm.
    I’m just not going to bother with any forums there related to this site. People get irrational.

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  76. Helen Killer
    March 15, 2010 at 3:09 pm

    I saw that comment. I honesty don’t remember what she said so it must not have been that smart. She probably made it up so she could pretend she’s being persecuted.

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

  77. barbedwire and roses
    March 15, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    I would sooo buy these as a reminder for “Note to Self”, “Stop spending your money on stupid shit you don’t need.”

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  78. barbedwire and roses
    March 15, 2010 at 3:18 pm

    as per your conversation..I think this site brings more business to an etsy shop if it is featured on here..it almost makes them infamous.

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  79. geektastic
    March 15, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    “#63 susanave
    I was cleaning out my junk drawer for the first time in 20 years…”

    So now that you’ll be fabulously rich you’ll be showering all of us with gifts?

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  80. UnaBee
    March 15, 2010 at 3:23 pm

    ugh thank god for regretsy…not only is it funny as shit, but the regular comments here make up for half the stuff I slog through over at the etsy forums.
    Yeah, I said it.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  81. barbedwire and roses
    March 15, 2010 at 3:25 pm

    also, there are many true artisan’s out there who are worthy of praise on etsy..but even they must realize that there are those who just try and see what kind of crap they can come up with to sell..I think it’s like a game to them to see who can come up with the worst items just to see if it will sell..now of course there are those that really do think their art/crafts are beautiful, and well, just bless their hearts for trying.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  82. UnaBee
    March 15, 2010 at 3:56 pm

    agreed.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  83. Whimsicko
    March 15, 2010 at 4:25 pm

    They don’t even have coffee stains on them…

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  84. MadGypsy
    March 15, 2010 at 4:28 pm

    Guys, I am worried. I think my eyes may be broken. I fail to see any of this “perfect yellowing” No vintage patina that I can discern.

    ….They are just normal effing notecards, aren’t they? Did you guys all get together and plan this? Scheming to make me feel like my vision is failing? Nice.

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  85. janncri
    March 15, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    Dammit, when the cat pissed on the sofa I threw it out. And it really had a patina.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  86. Crossed Promise
    March 15, 2010 at 6:46 pm

    True say, UnaBee. Etsy forums are great if you want to offer yourself up on the alter of self deprecating artists. I explored the forums and tried to participate for a while too but it’s so irritating seeing the same people whining about the same things in 15 different threads and then seeing the same people complain about Regretsy. They think we have no lives? I feel Regretsy is a more accepting and interesting community than Etsy will ever be.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  87. UnaBee
    March 15, 2010 at 7:36 pm

    and more genuine, for sure. I’ll take a dose of reality over generic blanket “positivity” or whatever any day

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  88. clitty’s got claws
    March 15, 2010 at 9:32 pm

    I have a bunch of vintage, “patina” index cards, loose-leaf notebook paper, and notebooks. I bet I could make a killing off of all that I still have!

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  89. sheltiepitbullfun
    March 15, 2010 at 9:57 pm

    Gotta love the etsy people making fun of regretsy and then regretsy people making fun of etsy people making fun of regretsy. Its like a special ecosystem where the balance of nature is preserved. Like a snarky terrarium. :D

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  90. mtopia
    March 15, 2010 at 10:18 pm

    @#91 I Iike my snark like I like my snark: meta and recursive!

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  91. priceless
    March 15, 2010 at 10:22 pm

    Regretsy Math:

    Time it takes to read Regretsy (where people with no lives bash crappy Etsy creations)
    +
    Time it takes to read Etsy forums, post comments bashing Regretsy
    =
    2(Time it takes to be considered to have no life)???

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  92. priceless
    March 15, 2010 at 10:24 pm

    in other words, wouldn’t that make Etsy complainers even less likely to have a life? After all, they are spending twice the time on forums….

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  93. priceless
    March 15, 2010 at 10:25 pm

    Oh, I also have some vintage shit for sale. That’s right, from the 80′s folks…. and let me tell you has it browned with age!!! $100 to the first bidder!

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  94. snarkeygirl
    March 15, 2010 at 10:32 pm

    I am not a crafter in any sense of the word, and I love coming here to laugh and smile, and read great comments from genuinely funny people! Sometimes I don’t have anything to say, so I keep my fingers off the keyboard, but I love Regretsy, and I have found myself really liking some of the stuff posted here! *whispers* some really is craptastic, tho, too, but that’s why I come back! Thanks HK! Thanks everyone!

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  95. tastybuns
    March 16, 2010 at 5:13 am

    “Mystery” alright.

    Thumb up Thumb down -1

  96. Monstrosa
    March 16, 2010 at 5:41 am

    I’d love to have an item featured on Regretsy. If I’m ever lucky enough for that to happen (hopefully due to weirdness, rather than crappiness or stupidity) I think I’d feel both thrilled and horrified.
    I’ve made the Etsy front page a couple times and it didn’t seem to do anything for sales. Regresty gets shit sold.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  97. PussDaddy
    March 17, 2010 at 5:45 pm

    Yellowed to perfection? WTF from? Smoke?

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  98. afiori
    March 24, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    ha! I actually like these a lot! I scored a bunch of yellowed index cards with ink dots from the red and blue lines from a local printing house and I’ve used them for collages. Much nicer than the new white ones. For real.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  99. aurelas
    April 18, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    LOL from looking at the seller’s other items, I’ve just found out that my parents could be rolling in money! I can’t wait to show this one to my mama. http://www.etsy.com/listing/71948850/12-vintage-weathered-rusted-abused-mossy

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

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