EBAY IS PROTECTING YOU FROM CLAY PENISES
Ebay has pulled the Regretsy purse because of the penis charm. Seriously.
Materials that are adult in nature or otherwise not appropriate for minors (individuals under 18 years of age) may only be listed in our Mature Audiences area. Please keep in mind that you are not permitted to censor listing images to make them more appropriate. You may relist this item under the Adults Only category.
So you know, I thought I was being extra cautious by blurring the thing, and if I had just left it alone, nothing would have happened.
I have relisted the bag, and just taken the penis out altogether with Photoshoppery. I’ve learned from experience that putting crap in the adult category means zero bids. And I really want this to be successful. I mean poor Elayne came over here and posed with the bag and had to wash her hair and everything.
Anyway, It was over $300 last night. I’m hoping you people get back in the game and we don’t lose momentum. It’s a good cause and the most ass kicking bag imaginable.
So, let’s try this again.
ON EBAY RIGHT DAMN NOW IF YOU CAN BELIEVE THAT
Elayne Boosler, extraordinary stand-up comic, animal advocate and all-around ass kicking babe, is shown here modeling a purse that was lovingly handmade by Esty artisan Lucia Morris out of Regretsy fabric.
And not just any fabric, but the Spoonflower Dingleberry pattern by “Pantsmonkey”.
I know!
This beautifully made, fully lined bag features leather straps, metal feet and lots of nice little pocket type things inside, to make storing your crap even more glamorous than it already is!
But hang on, because there’s more. A pantload more.
What would a designer bag be without a tangle of charms on it? You know what I’m talking about; that whole Juicy-Moschino-furball-dangly-key chain-fuckery that all the kids are doing these days. Well I’ll tell you what kind of designer bag it would be; a piss poor one.
So this bag comes with a delightful assortment of charms by all your favorite Regretsy artistes:
Stamped brass “HELEN KILLER” disc on black chain with ruby bead by So Charmed
Framed SH*T horse, gumball clown head and Say What charms by Sofa City Sweethearts
Silver frames for Sofa City’s charms donated by Bunny Sundries
Penis Obsession charm in polymer clay by the one and only Cappy Sue
Painfully adorable mini plush Chickenpants key chain in Dingleberry pants by Absolutely Small
And that’s not all!
This purse is actually filled with amazing and delightful treats like:
Regretsy jewelry
Mini pillows
Bath and beauty products
Assorted toys
Crap from my junk drawer
A “Tails of Joy” necklace and bracelet
And a signed copy of the Regretsy book!
Oh my God. It’s more than I can fathom. A giant, collaborative clusterfuck, making you about the most stylish idiot on the block.
And the best part?
Every stinking dime goes to Elayne Boosler’s Tails of Joy, a not-for-profit (501c3) organization dedicated to making the world better for animals and their people. Tails of Joy raises funds for the smallest, neediest rescues all across the country, and works for the passing and enforcing of anti-cruelty, and animal welfare laws.
If I live to be 100, I will never do anything more satisfying than this auction. Unless I happen to get that guest shot on Hoarders.
CLICK HERE TO BID ON THE AWESOMENESS AND SEE ALL BUT ONE OF THESE CHARMS UP CLOSE!
UPDATE: If you would like to make a donation to Tails of Joy, Paypal your gift to INFO@TAILSOFJOY.NET
March 12, 2010 at 11:00 am
Just tell eBay it’s a “snowman”. He he ; )
March 12, 2010 at 11:01 am
Its not a penis charm…….it is a charming penis.
March 12, 2010 at 11:01 am
But who’s going to protect me from dingleberries?
March 12, 2010 at 11:01 am
Who is protecting me from myself?
March 12, 2010 at 11:02 am
omg fucking eBay!!! fuck them. Lets hope the purse goes back up in price like crazy
I wish I was not completely unemployed because I would very much want to bid on this or throw money at other regretsy good deeds.
March 12, 2010 at 11:03 am
What…no vagina?!!!
March 12, 2010 at 11:04 am
i am glad it will be back and running! stupid ebay…
>:|
March 12, 2010 at 11:05 am
Already too steep for me right now.
March 12, 2010 at 11:05 am
I sure wish someone had protected me from a few dicks.
Let the bidding begin & go higher than the # of delicate assholes there are in the world.
March 12, 2010 at 11:07 am
OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE, EBAY! Really?
March 12, 2010 at 11:10 am
You know, I’m looking at the penis charm and going, “What? That’s not a penis, that’s a paintbrush.”
Yeah, not quite awake. And I don’t think eBay would’ve got it either.
March 12, 2010 at 11:10 am
Someone really went out of their way to see the offense in that–go figure!
March 12, 2010 at 11:15 am
BTW, that really is a charming looking penis charm.
March 12, 2010 at 11:18 am
God forbid anyone should be exposed to something hazardous to their morals.
DON’T SIN AND BE BAD, OK?
March 12, 2010 at 11:19 am
ok I have to say it. I see Ebay found my penis. Yay so glad it is back up for the animals
March 12, 2010 at 11:22 am
Oh Please! it’s a “stylized” cartoon penis!
( it does really look like a snowman too)
Fuck ebay! they are all tightassed about this? and it’s for a charity! They should be more uptight about alot of the other crap that goes on on their site like counterfit items, fencing-the list could go on forever! I hope it sells for a HUGE amount, that will show’em, as Bender says they can kiss my shiny metal ass!!!!
OOh! as I rant my cosmic yak mug is bineg queued for shipment YEA!
March 12, 2010 at 11:30 am
Those motherfuckers! I’m having flashbacks from the auctions I attempted in December.
March 12, 2010 at 11:31 am
This whole Penis thing has been blown out of proportion.
I’m feel bad that Helen had to go all “Lorena Bobbet” on her auction graphics.
WHIMSICLE FUCKERY IS NOT A CRIME!!
March 12, 2010 at 11:35 am
I literally gasped when I read this. On eBay you can be a ‘power seller’ who fences stolen goods from shoplifting rings, but you can’t show a cartoon penis that nobody would even guess was a penis unless they knew the backstory.
So glad to see the bid is on the rise. Elayne’s hair looks great. Best of luck to the bidders!
March 12, 2010 at 11:36 am
Nice photoshop work! I find it ironic that due to *ahem* ebay’s high moral standards its OK to photoshop an item and re-list it (they know full well that is what you did.) In this case we all know whoever is the winning bid gets more than is shown, and it is listed in description too. Most photoshop would be used to deceive a bidder, not protect them from evil,vile and cute penises!
March 12, 2010 at 11:47 am
cappysue, is it yours? (and… remember me? maybe not, I was away for too long)
* * *
Good luck with the bids on e-bay, may it fetch a real good price
March 12, 2010 at 11:56 am
Helen, you should have put one of these on the purse instead. You see…..these are OK for Ebay.
http://cgi.ebay.com/Adam-Eve-Magic-Wand-Body-Vibrator-Massage-Massager_W0QQitemZ230448449489QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item35a7cc47d1#ht_2416wt_906
March 12, 2010 at 12:01 pm
Thanks Snark-o-leptic Cesar!
Once again proof of ebays *ahem* high moral standards a vibrator/dildo is just fine, just as long as you dont call it a penis!
BTW love your name!
March 12, 2010 at 12:08 pm
#23 – Supersnark was already taken.
March 12, 2010 at 12:16 pm
I thought it kinda looked like when I take a sugar cookie off of the baking pan too soon. I guess it’s all in what you call it, and whether Evil Etsy stalkers report you
March 12, 2010 at 12:17 pm
#18 -Stretch 65
This whole Penis thing has been blown out of proportion?
You are a poet.
March 12, 2010 at 12:32 pm
Helena, good point! I hope no one would be so petty as to alert ebay just because they might have been on regretsy, double bad karma points if they did as it is to raise money for a good cause.
Snark-o, Yours is much more original
March 12, 2010 at 12:41 pm
Yeah, see, the whole problem was using the word “penis”. Had it not been mentioned, or just listed as “bonus – a charm from Cappy Sue”, that would have been fine. The word sets people off – like using the words “Gay marriage” at a Fundamentalist Christian Rally.
March 12, 2010 at 12:45 pm
What do you want to bet someone on Etsy who’s been mentioned/flagged here for violating a TOS flagged this to eBay? I can’t believe they are more diligent over there than the people “policing” Etsy.
March 12, 2010 at 12:45 pm
#1
Snowman? I thought it was Burl Ives.
March 12, 2010 at 12:50 pm
Cappy Sue…”Yay so glad it is back up for the animals”
Sorry, I’ll get my mind out of the gutter now, but thanks for the smirk
March 12, 2010 at 12:52 pm
I think someone I work with must moonlight at eBay.
Maybe they need a larger version of the charm in question, you know, to soothe their frazzled nerves.
March 12, 2010 at 12:53 pm
what the hell.
you have to BE 18 to register for eBay. It’s part of the user agreement. And I mean, I know that doesn’t mean anything in practice, but still. You’re only allowed to buy things if you’re an “adult.” A child could not buy this penis, and if they did, eBay could not be held legally responsible.
March 12, 2010 at 1:06 pm
@#21 yep it is mine. I loved looking at the sight and the comments made me laugh so I joined.
@#31 spit my drink from that image hehe ty.
March 12, 2010 at 1:54 pm
sight = site
March 12, 2010 at 1:59 pm
#34 cappy, well, thats a’ight , alot of things on this site are a sight .
March 12, 2010 at 2:09 pm
“#9 hamoza :
I sure wish someone had protected me from a few dicks.”
Oh, where was eBay when I was in my 20′s?
March 12, 2010 at 2:20 pm
*PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT**
Tomorrow is the annual Boy Scout Food Drive. Scouts in my area distributed grocery bags with notes to leave them on our front steps tomorrow morning. Please contact any Cub or Boy Scouts you know to find out where to take food for the needy. You never know when you’ll be on the other end of that karma.**
(I don’t particularly care for the BSA b/c of their stance on homosexuals but that’s not the kids’ fault).
back to the fuckery, already in progress.
March 12, 2010 at 2:22 pm
@Suda, I’m afraid the world is a dangerous, dingleberry-infested place. Sorry.
March 12, 2010 at 2:24 pm
Oh, and eBay doth sucketh. I used to sell vintage glass beads, jewelry findings, etc, and tried to call out sellers who labeled beads as “vintage”, clearly tagged in their pictures “Made in Czech Republic”. Which means they were made in the 90′s at the earliest. Since they were power sellers, eBay didn’t give a dead rat’s ass. I was going to open a shop on etsy, but now I see they’re almost as bad. *sigh*
March 12, 2010 at 2:39 pm
#26 stretch65 bows and offers a tip of his hat in reply…
March 12, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Who wants to bet somebody’s gonna complain that the horse charm has a *naughty word* and it’s gonna get pulled again…
March 12, 2010 at 2:56 pm
I worried about that when I saw the listing, as well as the penis.
March 12, 2010 at 2:58 pm
Yes, it is.
Woo-hoo! It’s up to 400 clams.
March 12, 2010 at 2:58 pm
Cappy Sue your little penis snowman rocks!!!
Thumbs down to the killjoy who reported this to ebay.
March 12, 2010 at 3:03 pm
As the proud owner of a penis, and the penis painting, I can tell you they are thrilled to be getting so much attention…well the painting at least…
March 12, 2010 at 3:18 pm
If it actually said the word penis in the original listing (I don’t remember), the ebay bots probably found it. They automatically look for that stuff. Sellers that get away with it are careful how they word listings.
March 12, 2010 at 3:20 pm
Yes, I am a dumbass. My new Firefox persona is called “Regretsy in Space”. Derp.
March 12, 2010 at 3:21 pm
kennyb, I love animals. They are delicious with ketchup.
March 12, 2010 at 3:30 pm
#47 As the proud owner of a penis, I will concur they do like a lot of attention…and like to be petted.
#50 Vile AEDD sounds like you are a member of PETA
People Eating Tasty Animals
March 12, 2010 at 3:33 pm
Bunch of dickheads. (he, he)You would think that Ebay would give a little leeway since this is for charity! Good grief. . .
March 12, 2010 at 3:59 pm
405 BUCKS FUCK YEAH LEVEL 5 BITCHES
March 12, 2010 at 4:00 pm
…whoa, sorry. I got a little excited.
March 12, 2010 at 4:01 pm
#30 Avatard :
#1
Snowman? I thought it was Burl Ives.
ha ha, I though it kind of looked like that too. Or maybe a wonky dog biscuit with a face… Good God, Ebay, this is for CHARITY! Lighten up.
March 12, 2010 at 4:02 pm
*thought* duh.
March 12, 2010 at 4:03 pm
#51 – ha ha! I just got that. Yeah I’m a bit slow.
March 12, 2010 at 4:28 pm
Hey, hows come my note about Firefox is gone? Too many pubic service announcements (snicker)?
(removes fuckery hat, puts on geek hat)
Firefox is a free and great browser, and everyone should upgrade and get the extensions allowing use of personas (they are sooo much easier than trying to build a theme). The persona I got added to the gallery is based on Regretsy so I thought peeps here may want to try it. I wasn’t sure Mozilla would add it.
(removes geek hat, replaces fuckery hat)
March 12, 2010 at 4:32 pm
Geektastic, too many links in a comment are removed by the WordPress system as spam.
March 12, 2010 at 4:45 pm
Man it just keeps going up that is great.
#45 thank you
#46 hehe well it is yours so I guess your penis is getting a lot of attention
March 12, 2010 at 4:46 pm
thats funny becasue you can buy dildos and crotchless undies on ebay but not a happy penis charm?
March 12, 2010 at 4:53 pm
@HK –not trying to start a flame war there, apologies.
Always looking for humor–but not always in the right places
March 12, 2010 at 5:02 pm
@HK
Spam! Why I never! Huff, huff.
If anyone using Firefox is interested in the Regretsy in Space persona, and how to make it work with themes, let me know.
March 12, 2010 at 5:56 pm
This is fricking awesome… glad to see it back up and running. Removing the auction due to a cartoon clay weiner is ridiculous. It’s at $435 already.. I’d pay that much for the charms alone! [if I had that much to pay.. *sigh*]
March 12, 2010 at 6:04 pm
$435! Supream.
March 12, 2010 at 6:35 pm
Etsy: Occasionally regrettable, but with tons of genitalia. No reselling allowed.
Ebay: Occasionally regrettable, but no penises allowed! Tons of reselling.
March 12, 2010 at 7:02 pm
Any hope for a Penis Police photoshop?
March 12, 2010 at 7:06 pm
How could they even know that was a penis? Was it in the description?
The only way I noticed it is because it was described in here.
March 12, 2010 at 7:20 pm
@mtopia
curiously ironic.
@mizzo there is always hope.
March 12, 2010 at 7:41 pm
Ha ha, there’s an Official Penis Policce site at http://www.penispolice.com/
March 12, 2010 at 7:41 pm
Police, even.
March 13, 2010 at 12:28 am
Omg it’s approaching 450. I love it!! I can’t afford to bid, but I’m favorite-ing the etsy sellers involved for future fuckery. I think I need a chickenpants keychain.
March 13, 2010 at 3:15 am
Ebay, How dare you protect me from a little clay penis! what I do with my purse is my own business & I’d like to thank the whole lot of you to get your minds out of the gutter & onto Charity, where it belongs. If it belongs anywhere. Have you ever been to a musdeum Ebay? You are going to be a museum if you don’t settle the fk down & sell things; get out of bidders way, or I will take my business to schlong.com & be done with it.
March 13, 2010 at 6:31 am
Yeah but guess which idiot is trying to alert the penis police?
From ebay page:
“Questions and answers about this item
Q: Can I still get it with the penis obsession charm?”
March 13, 2010 at 6:55 am
Want want want. So much whimsicle fuckery for such a wonderful cause. If I had the money, I’d be ALL OVER this.
March 13, 2010 at 7:55 am
This is why I hate Ebay and LOVE Etsy.
I wonder who reported it? They must have no life and never get laid!
March 13, 2010 at 8:26 am
Dang, this means I’m going to have to step up my online activity again so Elayne Boosler isn’t the first “Elayne” that comes up on Google searches.
March 13, 2010 at 8:33 am
EBAY is full of it! That tiny mustachioed penis is nothing compared to this green monster that is currently posted on EBAY!
http://cgi.ebay.com/Chinese-Turquoise-Hongshan-Culture-Phallic-Fertility_W0QQitemZ270543102790QQcmdZViewItemQQptZArt_Sculpture?hash=item3efda02346#ht_500wt_956
OK it isn’t a monster.
March 13, 2010 at 10:37 am
Oh, but *that* is aahrt, whereas the penis charm is just whimsicle fuckery. My ass.
Hey, firefox no longer tells me that “fuckery” is misspelled. Huh.
OK, who is the maroon that asked about the penis charm? Whose account needs to be flooded with “contact this member” (and I do mean member) requests?
March 14, 2010 at 7:23 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 14, 2010 at 10:40 am
Kennyb, there is nothing good intentioned about your remark.
I have said it before, I just won’t post comments that are critical of these charity efforts, or the people who participate. Period.
If this is your best kennyb, then I agree, there is little point in writing.
March 14, 2010 at 11:15 am
Anyone who recognizes that charm to be a penis doesn’t need protection from Ebay. My son would look at that and say “sssnoowman??!?! Play?!?!”
But thanks Ebay for your valiant efforts to squash an auction for charity. Your morality is commendable : P
March 15, 2010 at 10:05 am
Up to $510!! Yay!!
March 15, 2010 at 10:52 am
@geektastic–now there’s a comment I can get behind.
Cool–what do you suppose will be the winning bid?
I’ll guess this passes $700.
March 15, 2010 at 11:58 am
Hmm, it’s got 4 days left, I’ll bet over $800.
March 15, 2010 at 12:46 pm
I wish I could afford it, but 500 is way out of my league
March 15, 2010 at 3:46 pm
As someone who went to a college who’s mascot is a giant penis ( RISD is a special place) I really don’t understand the big deal with this its a cartoon not exactly life like.
March 15, 2010 at 6:49 pm
Picture please!
March 15, 2010 at 10:32 pm
Let’s not forget the fact that it’s a penis, not a friggin sexual act. Let’s face it folks, male or female, there isn’t too much time that’s gonna pass that your eyes won’t lay on the real deal anyway. God kids are allowed to watch people shooting down each other with semiautomatics on primetime TV but god forbid they see a caricatured part of their own anatomy! Seriously, what’s with the SocietyFAIL theme today.. how depressing!
March 17, 2010 at 5:48 pm
Well you just never know how some penises are gonna act. Better to be safe than sorry.
March 18, 2010 at 11:05 am
you awesome people that made this, you are my heroes. i can only wish to be so cool.