PURE UNADULTERATED AWESOME SAUCE
ON EBAY RIGHT DAMN NOW IF YOU CAN BELIEVE THAT
Elayne Boosler, extraordinary stand-up comic, animal advocate and all-around ass kicking babe, is shown here modeling a purse that was lovingly handmade by Esty artisan Lucia Morris out of Regretsy fabric.
And not just any fabric, but the Spoonflower Dingleberry pattern by “Pantsmonkey”.
I know!
This beautifully made, fully lined bag features leather straps, metal feet and lots of nice little pocket type things inside, to make storing your crap even more glamorous than it already is!
But hang on, because there’s more. A pantload more.
What would a designer bag be without a tangle of charms on it? You know what I’m talking about; that whole Juicy-Moschino-furball-dangly-key chain-fuckery that all the kids are doing these days. Well I’ll tell you what kind of designer bag it would be; a piss poor one.
So this bag comes with a delightful assortment of charms by all your favorite Regretsy artistes:
Stamped brass “HELEN KILLER” disc on black chain with ruby bead by So Charmed
Framed SH*T horse, gumball clown head and Say What charms by Sofa City Sweethearts
Silver frames for Sofa City’s charms donated by Bunny Sundries
Penis Obsession charm in polymer clay by the one and only Cappy Sue
Painfully adorable mini plush Chickenpants key chain in Dingleberry pants by Absolutely Small
And that’s not all!
This purse is actually filled with amazing and delightful treats like:
Regretsy jewelry
Mini pillows
Bath and beauty products
Assorted toys
Crap from my junk drawer
A “Tails of Joy” necklace and bracelet
And a signed copy of the Regretsy book!
Oh my God. It’s more than I can fathom. A giant, collaborative clusterfuck, making you about the most stylish idiot on the block.
And the best part?
Every stinking dime goes to Elayne Boosler’s Tails of Joy, a not-for-profit (501c3) organization dedicated to making the world better for animals and their people. Tails of Joy raises funds for the smallest, neediest rescues all across the country, and works for the passing and enforcing of anti-cruelty, and animal welfare laws.
If I live to be 100, I will never do anything more satisfying than this auction. Unless I happen to get that guest shot on Hoarders.
CLICK HERE TO BID ON THE AWESOMENESS AND SEE THE CHARMS UP CLOSE
UPDATE: If you would like to make a donation to Tails of Joy, Paypal your gift to INFO@TAILSOFJOY.NET
March 11, 2010 at 4:03 pm
I have just started the bidding. Sohelpme I am going to WIN this piece of whimsicle fuckery!
March 11, 2010 at 4:04 pm
I will battle you @lilprincess for as long as I can (read: postpone paying my utility bill)!
March 11, 2010 at 4:05 pm
Ok, maybe I didn’t start it, but still, I AM GOING TO WIN IT!!!
March 11, 2010 at 4:05 pm
But @jhames , it’s my birthday.
March 11, 2010 at 4:05 pm
Well, crap. That didn’t take long for me to pull out of the bidding.
March 11, 2010 at 4:06 pm
Absolutely the best thing ever on ebay!
March 11, 2010 at 4:07 pm
Oh hell yes. That is AWESOME!
March 11, 2010 at 4:08 pm
i just wet myself. this is awesomesaucetastic.
March 11, 2010 at 4:08 pm
Holy shit, a bag full of fucking awesome! And it looks like a well made bit of fuckery also. Well done, all
March 11, 2010 at 4:12 pm
Wow, every time I refresh it goes up $50! Good job, everyone. This will save lots of tails.
March 11, 2010 at 4:13 pm
Fuck yeah ! I’d run naked down my street to raise money for animals , but this is a much better idea!
March 11, 2010 at 4:14 pm
I wish i carried a purse. if I did I would be bidding right now
March 11, 2010 at 4:14 pm
WOOOO!!!
And ps, Yes, you CAN love animals and carry a bag with leather trim if you fucking want to. So shut up and bid.
March 11, 2010 at 4:14 pm
good lord, i wish i wasn’t unemployed right now…so jealous of the lucky winner
March 11, 2010 at 4:17 pm
Auughhh, this is too awesome. I think I’m going into cardiac arrest– make sure my tombstone is whimsicle as fuck–
March 11, 2010 at 4:19 pm
Weeping warm tears of pure unadulterated love. This is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
March 11, 2010 at 4:21 pm
Love it! Got my bid in!
March 11, 2010 at 4:24 pm
it is up to over 200 dollars! coach, fendi, and juicy couture can all suck it
March 11, 2010 at 4:24 pm
“Every stinking dime goes to Elayne Boosler’s Tails of Joy, a not-for-profit (501c3) organization dedicated to making the world better for animals and their people.”
I like the sound of that.
Oh look–bids are already past $200.
March 11, 2010 at 4:27 pm
oh.dear.lords. I need a job now – I mean, the threat of starvation wasn’t incentive enough, but to be able to buy this, to lose functioning brain cells by keeping them constantly full of the who-made-what and ready to recite at a moment’s notice – now that is incentive!
March 11, 2010 at 4:31 pm
Is dead from awesomeshock.
March 11, 2010 at 4:35 pm
WANT!
March 11, 2010 at 4:39 pm
EPIC. EPIC FUCKERY.
March 11, 2010 at 4:48 pm
Awesome. Totally. I can’t wait to find out who wins! (Alas, it won’t be me…)
March 11, 2010 at 4:50 pm
WOWIE! This is so awesome that I can’t even care that I can’t afford to bid – I’m just too filled with glee
Good luck bidders!
March 11, 2010 at 4:55 pm
Jesus H Roosevelt Christ! I got outbid in like 2 minutes
Oh well…now officially too rich for my blood…enjoy whoever wins
March 11, 2010 at 5:05 pm
This is so flipping cool. Wish I had money – I’d bid.
Helen/April – May I make you a pair of bloomers out of regretsy fabric? You could auction them as MF bloomers
(if this makes no sense to you, do an ebay search of MP bloomers and see how much those bastards go for.)
March 11, 2010 at 5:27 pm
And yet another FanFuckingTastic Day at Regretsy! I can die happy now…
March 11, 2010 at 5:31 pm
whimsicle awesomeness at its best! Keep up the great work! and well you know whatever
March 11, 2010 at 5:32 pm
WANT!!!!!
March 11, 2010 at 5:32 pm
The existence of this makes me happy.
March 11, 2010 at 5:35 pm
Thank you, #13.
March 11, 2010 at 5:36 pm
Its at $247.50 Do I hear $500? – that would be triple thick double strength Awesome sauce
March 11, 2010 at 5:37 pm
Wow! It’s already up to $247.50, and it’s only been listed for three hours! You’re gonna get a lot for this one!
Dammit, why can’t I be rich?
March 11, 2010 at 5:38 pm
(Meaning, if I were, I’d be in this auction to win it.)
March 11, 2010 at 5:38 pm
#33: I hear $6,000.
March 11, 2010 at 5:47 pm
I think this would look great on RuPaul. Can someone please email her? Ok, thanks.
March 11, 2010 at 5:58 pm
Ack! In case anybody wants to yell at the awful person who thumbsed down something this utterly awesomesauce and #33 Stretch65, it was a total mistake — I was trying to click on thumbs up and fatfingered it. I wasn’t thumbs-downing you, Stretch65! Will some nice people please come along and thumbs-up him/her so I don’t feel so awful?
And why didn’t I win the lottery last night so I could buy this utterly unfuckingbelievably wonderful piece of whimsicle nonfuckery????
March 11, 2010 at 6:03 pm
#38, consider it dun(thumbed up)
March 11, 2010 at 6:07 pm
The bag is fantastic and yay for any thing that helps animals
March 11, 2010 at 6:19 pm
Every funny woman I really like seems to have the dog thing going on – you, Elayne, Lizz, Merrill, Maria, Stephanie, well Stephanie not so much because, but still. What about Ann Beatts, does she like dogs too? Lily and Jane, do they have dogs? This is why I can never be funny – I like cats.
I hope this auction rakes in a shitload of dough, and I hope you ladies all live to be 100.
March 11, 2010 at 6:27 pm
Pardon me whilst I get all non-fuckery emotional about this…
You guys all rock. The people who make the stuff, the people who buy it, even you all who post here. If anyone doubts the awesome, they need to merely look here.
Okay, now back to your regularly scheduled fuckery.
March 11, 2010 at 6:53 pm
“Bidders:19
Bids:33
Time left:6 days 20 hours 9 mins
Duration:7 days”
It’s up to $285, three hours into a 7-day listing! If only I can get an advance on my food stamps…
March 11, 2010 at 6:56 pm
“#41 methuselah :
Every funny woman I really like seems to have the dog thing going on – you, Elayne, Lizz, Merrill, Maria, Stephanie, well Stephanie not so much because, but still.”
You don’t mean Stephanie Miller, do you? If not, she’s got major dog-the-size-of-horses going on, promotes Gentle Giants rescue, she needs to be on your list.
And I am an overall animal person with cats (my SO hates dogs) and have an excellent sense of humor, IMNSHO ^_^ So do not despair.
March 11, 2010 at 7:14 pm
Let me throw my two cents in @ meth & geek: some of the funniest folks I know luv pussies.
March 11, 2010 at 7:19 pm
Just saw it go from $285 to $295 while reading the comments! A bit out of my league price-wise (OK, a lot), but wow I would bid on it if I could!
March 11, 2010 at 7:24 pm
I feel so good about real life right now. Someday, God willing, I will be out in public and see this glorious bag and I will fall to my knees from its glory.
March 11, 2010 at 7:28 pm
If I saw this bag in public, I would swoon.
March 11, 2010 at 7:30 pm
@48 When I swoon, it’s my knees that take the brunt of it. I am arguably the least ladylike swooner of all time!
March 11, 2010 at 7:37 pm
This is the most awesome bag ever! The charms really complete the look. currently $330
I can spend $330 or myself or spread it out between my 3 kiddos at $110 per child for things like shoes, clothes and school supplies – aka I won’t be buying this bag….
March 11, 2010 at 7:37 pm
Omigod, it’s up to $330 already! Less than 5 hours into the bidding — I have a feeling it’s going to break all kinds of records. I covet it with every fiber of my being, but at least I know whoever gets it will not only have an incredibly generous tax writeoff, but will cherish the bag and all its accoutrements as much as any of us would!
March 11, 2010 at 7:39 pm
Over $300–it’s at $330! Holy awesome sauce! I wish i was rich and I could have this great purse! I am excited to see how much goes to this purse!
March 11, 2010 at 7:43 pm
Awww! Too bad I can’t bid on this. I’m as unemployed as the rest of you all freaks and losers!
But, the description was so heartwarming, it did inspire me to pick up one of my cats and set it on my lap.
I now have a howling, foul-breathed, spastic geriatric feline on my lap.
Thanks Regretsy!
March 11, 2010 at 7:52 pm
Wow!!! You need to make more of these in all of the different materials! You could make a ton of $ from these. The bid is currently at 330 dollars. I’m too poor to bid on it right now, but I wish all of the current bidders luck!
March 11, 2010 at 7:56 pm
I’m not sure what part of me would give out first as I cannot remember ever actually swooning. But this bag would do it.
March 11, 2010 at 8:05 pm
330 (and still going) in one day? I bet this will fetch a cool grand, easy (if not more)! I hope the person that buys this purse is Betty White! Now THAT would be some true whimsicle fuckery!
March 11, 2010 at 8:12 pm
Aside from the general awesome fuckery, that beautiful bag looks like it is really well made.
March 11, 2010 at 8:23 pm
#52 detroit, howling foul- breathed spastic geriatric feline-
Oh , so thats where one of my damn cats went tonight..
March 11, 2010 at 8:37 pm
Okay, the new thumb system needs an undo option.
Sorry to the people I accidentally thumbed down.
March 11, 2010 at 8:48 pm
@55 Betty White could rock this bag so hard! I just love her!
March 11, 2010 at 8:52 pm
mtopia- she’s hosting SNL on mother’s day
March 11, 2010 at 9:05 pm
shame it’s not vegan!
March 11, 2010 at 9:06 pm
Can there be another one of these soon? Maybe smallish versions for the financially challenged among us? This is too fan-fucking-tastic to do once (right?)!
Happy bidding : )
March 11, 2010 at 9:07 pm
I’m crying tears of pure envy that I can’t afford to even look at this because shitDAMN that’s awesome!
March 11, 2010 at 9:24 pm
This is definitely the most awesome thing I’ve ever been involved in making.
And I couldn’t be more excited that the money is going to an animal charity. I can’t wait to see how high the bids get.
March 11, 2010 at 9:54 pm
This is my first Regretsy post ever, so please be gentle. I am literally salivating over this auction. I’m trying to figure whether we can do without food for the next few weeks. I could stand to lose some pounds. And the hubby’s not exactly anorexic, either. Yay! Maybe I CAN spend my entire next paycheck on this item.
But, Aaaarrrggghhh!! 6 more days of bidding!! By then Betty White will be the only person on the planet who can afford it! Oh, the humanity!
March 11, 2010 at 10:33 pm
Why.. why did my husband need to buy that second car? Oh yeah, that’s right.. he’s in Alaska and had no way to get around. Well, dammit! I wanted this bag, but alas am much too poor.
Good luck, bidders! And yay for charity!
March 11, 2010 at 10:42 pm
This is the best Ebay listing EVER! I love Elayn Boosler, animals, and Regretsy, what can get better than that? If I had a few thousand dollars just lying around I would totally bid on this! But, I’m poor, so I can’t.
And to whoever said it, it would totally rock if Betty White won this bag, lol!
March 11, 2010 at 10:45 pm
Heleh, I wanna know how you got the donations to go toward this, I’d have totally loved to contribute to something like this or any other charity. Unfortunately, my funds are tied up in inventory and not really available for purchasing this rad bag and contents. Did I miss a call for artists or something?
March 11, 2010 at 10:48 pm
People should be legally forced to have their pets fixed. There are hundreds of places nationwide that offer low cost or free spay/neuter services, and many humane societies give out vouchers and discount certificates. If you can’t afford $35, you shouldn’t have a pet. Sorry if I’m stepping on a lot of toes, but I feel really strongly about this. The numbers of animals euthanized daily because someone allowed their pet to procreate without thinking of the consequences make me cry…
March 11, 2010 at 10:50 pm
…/soapbox (got cut off)
March 11, 2010 at 10:57 pm
#69 – I got an email from Lucia offering her services and the idea just came to me. I emailed the artists I was thinking of for the charms.
And to the person who keeps trying to post unkind comments and allegations about Elayne’s charity, I’m not posting it. If you have a problem with that, read this.
March 11, 2010 at 10:57 pm
Seems like a number of celebs are taking up animal causes, and every one of those commercials makes me cry. All our animals are rescuses, and yes, spayed and neutered and chipped.
This is pretty awesome!
March 11, 2010 at 11:00 pm
Thanks Helen, if you ever have another opportunity like this or any other charity, I’d love to participate. I don’t want to advertise my shop name here, but | would be happy to email it to you.
March 11, 2010 at 11:02 pm
Cosmic, please send me an email! I’m always so happy to get volunteers for cool things like this.
March 11, 2010 at 11:35 pm
This is so fantastic! Love!
March 11, 2010 at 11:38 pm
“#72 Helen Killer :
And to the person who keeps trying to post unkind comments and allegations about Elayne’s charity, I’m not posting it. If you have a problem with that, read this.”
That’s who my comment about spaying/neutering was directed toward. Her comment is gone now, but I think you have an idea of some of the crap she spouted from my response.
March 12, 2010 at 5:18 am
I just visited the ebay site. Good thing I was wearing my World of Warcraft diaper because I totally peed myself.
March 12, 2010 at 5:59 am
Holy shit. 6 days left and it’s up to $300 already!?
I wish I were rich enough to compete!
March 12, 2010 at 7:50 am
I REALLY WANT ONE OF THE PENIS ARTIST CHARMS D:
March 12, 2010 at 7:56 am
I just got an email that the listing was pulled off of ebay? That there is some non-whimsicle fuckery if I ever heard of it.
Should’ve let me buy it when I tried to. Just sayin’.
March 12, 2010 at 7:56 am
Now it’s gone on ebay – wha hoppen? I wanted to look at it. Did someone stupid bid $1,000,000 and get it yanked? This was awesome, no matter what.
March 12, 2010 at 7:58 am
#55 Geektastic have you heard Stephanie’s interview with JoAnne Worley?! who just happens to be the current President of “Actors and Others for Animals”
Its available as a Podcast download along with Stephanie’s recent talk with Lily.
March 12, 2010 at 7:58 am
@lilprincess I got the same comment, too! The sads.
I’m guessing someone took offense to the Burberry-inspired fabric used for the bag. IRregardless, eBay is clearly not the place for auctioning such awesomesauce. There should be an oVey.com. Or something.
March 12, 2010 at 7:58 am
A bit of bragging here but I had the honor of taking a picture of “Helen” and Lily Tomlin when Lily attended a stand-up performance “Helen” did in Hollywood. Good times people!!!
March 12, 2010 at 8:05 am
@jhames People suck.
And the auction would’ve ended on my birthday. For real.
March 12, 2010 at 8:20 am
What happened to the listing?
March 12, 2010 at 8:20 am
Huh–why did that listing get yanked?
I’m sure hope some PC vigilante isn’t to blame…
Damn good cause–I hope the auction returns.
March 12, 2010 at 9:07 am
So I get the bag for my $200 bid now, right? Right?! Ok, I can’t wait to bid again when we find a nice, non-dickwad place for the auction.
March 12, 2010 at 9:10 am
I bet it got yanked due to the word “penis” from the “penis obsession” charm. Can’t have the kiddies take a chance of seeing THAT WORD OMGGGGG!!!!11one
Fuckers.
March 12, 2010 at 9:44 am
AHHH!! Listing is gone from eBay! Can’t see close ups of wonderful charms!!
March 12, 2010 at 9:46 am
I bet it was the fake-Burberry look that did it. Ebay is pretty strict about designer knockoffs.
I would have thought this would be okay because it’s obviously a parody and not trying to pass off as a Burberry product. I’m going to be really sad if Spoonflower stops making the Dingleberry fabric for legal reasons.
March 12, 2010 at 9:54 am
OK, seriously, seriously… I am deeply in love with this.
I have a very serious problem now:
1. I need a new shoulder bag
2. I’m a freak for pet protection/health/love causes
3. I just got my annual bonus of several G’s.
4. Oh yeah, the subversive snark of this makes my inner devil snicker and weep with sheer glee.
Damm, why did I agree to put that money into our savings account?!?!
March 12, 2010 at 9:57 am
I think the next project should be a dingleberry diaper bag, complete with World of Warcraft reusable diaper. Maybe an Alliance charm dangle?
Sorry to be vomiting posts, but i just can’t get over the glory of this!!! How awesome will it be for someone to cruise the mall with this, and know that when other women are scoping it up close they realize it says “dingleberry” over and over again? God bless you, Pantsmonkey. God bless you!
March 12, 2010 at 10:22 am
And if it did get pulled down due to copyright infringement/counterfeiting reasons, that makes me extra double mad. I’ve bought two pairs of pants from Ebay that looked completely authentic down to the tags, but wore out much more easily than the exact same style/brand bought at the for-real store. I’m not sure if I was duped, but I have my suspicions.
So you can sell a really convincing fake on Ebay, but not the awesomeness of the Dingleberry bag.
March 12, 2010 at 10:49 am
Huh…”fake Burberry”? Ebay has a strange interpretation of copyright law. Burberry cannot trademark a pattern, only their brand. Let’s see eBay first go after the real copyright violations–retards!
March 12, 2010 at 10:56 am
this burns me up and i am so sorry to the person that had the winning bid at the time..whatta buzz kill
March 12, 2010 at 11:00 am
Huh–I didn’t think it was over Burberry–it was that offensive “pixelated penis”
go figure! It’s back up 
http://cgi.ebay.com/Handmade-Designer-Regretsy-Bag-Regretsy-Charms-/280477631303
March 12, 2010 at 9:10 pm
Hey geektastic if you feel that strongly about it why not donate to a low cost spay/neuter charity? I don’t think they’re as easy to find or as cheap as you claim. Certainly not where I live–a vet on the radio here in the midwest today was saying that $250 is fair including pre-op blood work, modern surgical and anesthetic techniques, and post-op pain relief.
March 12, 2010 at 11:03 pm
When we bought our puppy we had to pay the pet store a spay/neuter incentive fee, which we would get back once the little fellow had his procedure. I don’t think it was super expensive, but hey I live in Canada all sorts of stuff goes on up here!
March 15, 2010 at 6:40 pm
#83 Stretch65–listen everyday! or the StephCast, just $4.95 a month when you buy a year in advance (bling). And you got to touch Lily Tomlin? I am not worthy!
Hey, #99 sheltiepitbullfun, first off, how do you know I don’t?
Second, the Il SPCA does spay/neuter, $10 for cats, $25 for dogs, in Chicago. The humane society of Scott County does them in Davenport from $15 to $35 depending on gender and species. Here’s a useful link:
http://neuterspay.org/search.html
March 15, 2010 at 6:45 pm
…I don’t know exactly where you live, but even my hoity-toity cat vet in the northern suburbs of Chicago doesn’t charge $250 for a spay. And i hope you adopt plenty of shelter animals since you apparently don’t think that animals not being kept expressly for breeding should have to be neutered. All my animals have been adopted, my last one had been dumped off at a Petco. Where did your last pet come from?