The inescapable sexuality inherent in this Barbie sculpture is just one of the reasons this is so troubling. THE HAND, BARBIE MARY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THAT HAND??? Jesus Christ.
I’m not sure which is worse: the close-up of deceased “Jesus” with the carpet remnant beard or the close-up of “Mary” with that creepy “So, you’re dead, but check out my sassy new lipgloss!” look on her face.
@ #15 captaincavegirl – once I went to something called a Kink-A-Rama which was like a a fetish craft fair, and one seller was offering bondage Barbies that she had tied into various contorted shapes. I said ‘hey I used to tie up my Barbies too!’ and her eyes narrowed as if I’d gone back in time to steal her big unique idea. Image google ‘bondage barbie’ and see how many pop up.
He looks too manscaped for crucified Jesus, artist should have used one of those fuzzily bearded GI Joes. Clean shaven Jesus with a scrunchie might be appropriate for The Last Supper at a nice restaurant, though, “Me Tarzan, you Judas.”
I think the lack of Ken nipples can be explained by this quote from the bottom of the Centaur Barbie page: “I have painted her some nipples that all girls need. ”
Yeah, it doesn’t make any sense to me either, that’s why I said explained instead of clarified.
Also, those furry Barbies are half-assed. Everyone knows that foxes have 8 nipples.
Also-also, She charges $25 shipping for all of them, because *some* are heavier than others. That makes sense…
Apparently I have no taste because I actually love this seller’s whole shop. I’ve known a couple of Barbie collectors, and I’d rather have this type of Barbie collectibles any day than the endless parade of princess Barbies, wedding Barbies, special commemorative Barbies, etc. If her prices weren’t so ridiculous, I’d get one or two to go with my rapidly growing donkey collection. For this price, though, I’ll make my own Sicko Barbie, thanks anyway!
Vile & Evil Debbie Downer
March 8, 2010 at 12:10 pm
Yeah, I’m lovin’ this shop too. Not the Pieta so much, but anything with a title like this: ‘Bad Girl Barbie getting spanked by creature from the black lagoon’ WINS in my world.
Now this is true ART on etsy for a change! I’m serious. If she exhibited these, I’d be there in a flash. And, yeah, #58 hamoza – you know she must be howling with laughter as she makes them.
AWESOME!!!
There has to be drugs and/or alcohol involved in the making of these. I think someone ought to buy the one of the creature spanking the mermaid and send it to Bella. . .
I have never wanted $200 more than I do now. That will look great in my tacky Jesus collection, right next to the Jesus night light and the Our Lady of Guadalupe dildo.
*Yawn*. I like weird dolls but this one is boring and not even creative. The dolls are not even modified enough to be considered OOAK as artist states…
Who the hell is Gustav Limpet?? Is he related to Gustav Klimt, who actually painted “The Kiss”? Is it a joke, or stupidity? Hm, that might make a good game show.
AreYouGoingToEatThatPickle
March 8, 2010 at 3:24 pm
Bah – Lyon!! I wasn’t even looking at the background. I was too focused on the the young, impressionable, pubescent teen girls looking toward this ‘art’ as they listened to another lecture about abstenence only sex education.
13 dollars to ship within US [reasonable]
69 dollars to ship to Canada [uhhh ... what?]
83 dollars to ship to Mexico [wait, what?]
150 dollars to ship everywhere else [are you KIDDING me?]
Those numbers are a little too odd to be typos … As if she wasn’t making enough money off of people, now she’ll rob ‘em blind during shipping!
Also, this gives me the drive to work on an idea I thought of a few weeks ago-pin-up zombie Barbies (which would be similar to my pin-up zombie series of drawings: http://www.shellyunveiled.com/zenphoto/zombie-pinup-ups/ …but in 3-D!)
March 8, 2010 at 9:40 am
It’s weird but it actually isn’t that bad.
March 8, 2010 at 9:42 am
There’s a joke about Virgin Mary Bear in here somewhere
March 8, 2010 at 9:42 am
Now Bruce and Dwayne- http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=15550566
March 8, 2010 at 9:42 am
Wow.
For $200 my 3 year old could wound a lot of Barbies for you.
March 8, 2010 at 9:43 am
When will the G.I. Jesus be available?
March 8, 2010 at 9:45 am
Here we go again with that damn pasta art, this time a blue velvet penne.
March 8, 2010 at 9:45 am
Yowza! $200 for Barbie doll “art” ? I’m in the wrong line of business….
March 8, 2010 at 9:46 am
So Tarzan is Jesus, which means Jane has a crapload of explaining to do.
March 8, 2010 at 9:47 am
Hell- Barbies are big business- collectors easily pay 200 for a doll
March 8, 2010 at 9:49 am
Well, the maker of this was born under the sign of the spaceship in Roswell N.Mex.-that explains alot.
March 8, 2010 at 9:51 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 8, 2010 at 9:53 am
“Her eyes are blue, lips are pink and I have sewn on some eye lashes.” Oh right – I remember reading in the Bible that Mary wore false eyelashes.
March 8, 2010 at 9:55 am
“Hey Jesus, ever contemplate plastic surgery?”
March 8, 2010 at 9:57 am
The inescapable sexuality inherent in this Barbie sculpture is just one of the reasons this is so troubling. THE HAND, BARBIE MARY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THAT HAND??? Jesus Christ.
March 8, 2010 at 9:58 am
I never knew Mary was into rope bondage. That really explains a LOT.
March 8, 2010 at 9:59 am
Jesus wept. And so did I.
March 8, 2010 at 10:00 am
Oh no…what is with these people. This one from her shop is even more…well…odd?
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=29848253
March 8, 2010 at 10:00 am
I think Tarzan got a bum deal. To go from feral child to crucifixion sucks.
March 8, 2010 at 10:00 am
Wait – they make a Tarzan doll?
March 8, 2010 at 10:01 am
Does it come with a Malibu Dream Manger?
March 8, 2010 at 10:01 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 8, 2010 at 10:01 am
#19- Yes. But Eye painting and wounds are an extra $190.
March 8, 2010 at 10:02 am
I’m not sure which is worse: the close-up of deceased “Jesus” with the carpet remnant beard or the close-up of “Mary” with that creepy “So, you’re dead, but check out my sassy new lipgloss!” look on her face.
March 8, 2010 at 10:03 am
This one prompted me to snort:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=15552582
Painted-on nipples!
March 8, 2010 at 10:04 am
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=29959766
Thumbs up!
March 8, 2010 at 10:06 am
She’s even got one for the furries!
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=15597628
March 8, 2010 at 10:07 am
@ #15 captaincavegirl – once I went to something called a Kink-A-Rama which was like a a fetish craft fair, and one seller was offering bondage Barbies that she had tied into various contorted shapes. I said ‘hey I used to tie up my Barbies too!’ and her eyes narrowed as if I’d gone back in time to steal her big unique idea. Image google ‘bondage barbie’ and see how many pop up.
March 8, 2010 at 10:13 am
She must make Mattel proud.
March 8, 2010 at 10:17 am
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=29952136
If he he wanted to properly spank someone, he should have consulted Bruce and Dewayne. They look like they know all about it.
March 8, 2010 at 10:17 am
Is Jesus sporting a pony tail?
March 8, 2010 at 10:20 am
That’s deliciously, sacreligiously bad. I feel so guilty. Maybe I should give up Regretsy for Lent.
March 8, 2010 at 10:22 am
This one in her sold items cracks me up the most…Barbie is about to get some oral from Gene Simmons…
http://www.etsy.com/view_transaction.php?transaction_id=24788576
March 8, 2010 at 10:25 am
Dude…Jesus is cut!…I mean ripped…
Dammit, I’m going to hell
At first I thought this was supposed to be a nativity scene. Sad I know, maybe more coffee…
March 8, 2010 at 10:26 am
OOAK…. AND THANK GOD FOR THAT SHIT!
I always knew Creature was a Bad Boy… http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=29952136
March 8, 2010 at 10:27 am
Fuck Jesus is FABIO?!?! I KNEW there was something special about that guy!
March 8, 2010 at 10:31 am
i kind of love this.
March 8, 2010 at 10:32 am
OH! Not the price though.
March 8, 2010 at 10:33 am
And um, for a virgin, Mary is not being very modest…what’s with the pearl boob lift???
March 8, 2010 at 10:35 am
I have always preferred my Marys stacked and perky.
March 8, 2010 at 10:39 am
…How come she paints nipples on all of her topless barbies, but her kens’ chests remain nipple-less and uninterupted?
March 8, 2010 at 10:41 am
#38 priceless: And, you could drive a Mack truck between her legs.
March 8, 2010 at 10:47 am
All I can think is that this would make an excellent addition to this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7P03ksVybc
“All you people who said she was a bimbo, eat your words she’s into trolls!”
March 8, 2010 at 10:53 am
If you wait 3 days after buying this does your wasted money get resurrected back into your account?
March 8, 2010 at 10:56 am
Oh man bootsy I laughed pretty effing loud at that one… too bad I can only give you thumbs up once!
March 8, 2010 at 10:58 am
It would appear that Jesus died of bowtie strangulation as opposed to suffocation by crucifixion… ahh the new things we learn every day.
March 8, 2010 at 11:02 am
He looks too manscaped for crucified Jesus, artist should have used one of those fuzzily bearded GI Joes. Clean shaven Jesus with a scrunchie might be appropriate for The Last Supper at a nice restaurant, though, “Me Tarzan, you Judas.”
March 8, 2010 at 11:10 am
Uh oh- looks like its gonna be a Tarzan Easter!
http://s67.photobucket.com/albums/h286/corikelland/?action=view¤t=TarzanEaster.jpg
Go MaTELL it on the mountain!
March 8, 2010 at 11:15 am
Call me crazy, but I kinda love her shop. I wish I had an extra $250 lying around for this:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=15595573
March 8, 2010 at 11:17 am
#17 artizlife :
Oh no…what is with these people. This one from her shop is even more…well…odd?
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=29848253
Yeah, what’s with the nipples? I just don’t picture the real Barbie with big ones……..
March 8, 2010 at 11:19 am
I think the lack of Ken nipples can be explained by this quote from the bottom of the Centaur Barbie page: “I have painted her some nipples that all girls need. ”
Yeah, it doesn’t make any sense to me either, that’s why I said explained instead of clarified.
Also, those furry Barbies are half-assed. Everyone knows that foxes have 8 nipples.
Also-also, She charges $25 shipping for all of them, because *some* are heavier than others. That makes sense…
March 8, 2010 at 11:20 am
This is not in the Vatican gift store. I would have bought it for sure!
March 8, 2010 at 11:21 am
Can Tarzan Jesus turn water into vines?
March 8, 2010 at 11:25 am
@ #52 Sammy: bahahaha I was waiting for a good Tarzan Jesus joke! There are so many more to be had I’m just waaaay to tired to be a supplier.
Thank you!
March 8, 2010 at 11:26 am
Mary is not dressed in pasta. I’m disappointed.
March 8, 2010 at 11:27 am
No Big Deal…I made Venus De Milo’s out of my Sister’s Barbies all the time!
Now I think I’ll go and re-arrange my GI Joes into the Iwo Jima Memorial.
March 8, 2010 at 11:31 am
@ LeeLoo — Found you a GI Jesus. Careful what you wish for.
http://www.figures.com/databases/action.cgi?setup_file=fignews2.setup&category=actionfigures&topic=97&show_article=3&nl=1
March 8, 2010 at 11:34 am
Of course, I love this immensely.
yah for doll artists!
March 8, 2010 at 11:46 am
I would not want to live with this stuff , but dang I bet she has a blast making it.
March 8, 2010 at 11:50 am
Apparently I have no taste because I actually love this seller’s whole shop. I’ve known a couple of Barbie collectors, and I’d rather have this type of Barbie collectibles any day than the endless parade of princess Barbies, wedding Barbies, special commemorative Barbies, etc. If her prices weren’t so ridiculous, I’d get one or two to go with my rapidly growing donkey collection. For this price, though, I’ll make my own Sicko Barbie, thanks anyway!
March 8, 2010 at 11:54 am
#41 YOU could – I wouldn’t get my 18 wheeler anywhere near her “tunnel of love”. Virgin Barbie my liposectioned ass
March 8, 2010 at 12:00 pm
Plastic Jesus died for your carbon footprint.
March 8, 2010 at 12:10 pm
Yeah, I’m lovin’ this shop too. Not the Pieta so much, but anything with a title like this: ‘Bad Girl Barbie getting spanked by creature from the black lagoon’ WINS in my world.
March 8, 2010 at 12:13 pm
I actually find this kind of awesome.
March 8, 2010 at 12:21 pm
Here’s Michael Jackson from her website http://www.ooakbarbies.com/detail.asp?ItemID=5755
Although I figured he was going in the other direction
March 8, 2010 at 12:34 pm
This reminds me of the DM song, Your Own Posable Jesus.
March 8, 2010 at 12:43 pm
Thank you, Skully, for getting that earworm “Go Matell it on the Mountain” put of my head. “Posable Jesus”, much better.
March 8, 2010 at 12:44 pm
Gustav Limpet is clinging to sanity…and kissing a decapitated head.
http://www.ooakbarbies.com/detail.asp?ItemID=5657
March 8, 2010 at 12:50 pm
eeewww!!! For the love of god…
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=15597628
March 8, 2010 at 12:51 pm
#65 Skully-
I always thought that DM song was Your Own Personal Pizza.
I like your lyrics better.
March 8, 2010 at 12:52 pm
If I let my teen son see this, I’m afraid his little sister’s doll collection will be soon transformed into all fifteen stations of the cross.
March 8, 2010 at 12:52 pm
Now this is true ART on etsy for a change! I’m serious. If she exhibited these, I’d be there in a flash. And, yeah, #58 hamoza – you know she must be howling with laughter as she makes them.
AWESOME!!!
March 8, 2010 at 1:03 pm
Here’s the Malibu Dream Crucifixion playset: http://twitpic.com/17ew42
March 8, 2010 at 1:06 pm
Your own posable Jesus,
Shaven and groomed so well,
Made by Mattel.
Your own posable Jesus,
Was swinging from a vine,
Then crucified.
March 8, 2010 at 1:23 pm
There has to be drugs and/or alcohol involved in the making of these. I think someone ought to buy the one of the creature spanking the mermaid and send it to Bella. . .
March 8, 2010 at 1:27 pm
I have never wanted $200 more than I do now. That will look great in my tacky Jesus collection, right next to the Jesus night light and the Our Lady of Guadalupe dildo.
March 8, 2010 at 1:40 pm
katie price as mary. nice.
March 8, 2010 at 2:19 pm
#56 as that action figure he looks more like the Burger King king than the King of Kings
March 8, 2010 at 2:22 pm
#56 Whimsical – those Jesus’ are awesome LOL
March 8, 2010 at 2:25 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 8, 2010 at 2:25 pm
I’m not sure which one I find more objectionable: Barbie La Pieta — or Stations of the Cross Using Peeps –> http://www.doriabiddle.com/Stations1.html
March 8, 2010 at 2:26 pm
#74 twatsupcock said
“There has to be drugs and/or alcohol involved in the making of these.”
why? because she has fun with chunks of plastic that end up in thrift stores or crapped out by the family dog who uses them as a chew toy?
March 8, 2010 at 2:38 pm
” #67 happylittletrees :
Gustav Limpet is clinging to sanity…and kissing a decapitated head.
http://www.ooakbarbies.com/detail.asp?ItemID=5657 ”
Who the hell is Gustav Limpet?? Is he related to Gustav Klimt, who actually painted “The Kiss”? Is it a joke, or stupidity? Hm, that might make a good game show.
March 8, 2010 at 2:59 pm
I love, love, freaking LOVE this shop! Go ahead and thumbsdown me if you want. I love it! Funny as hell!
March 8, 2010 at 3:07 pm
actually i think it’s pretty well done. I love the barbie marries napoleon dynomite.
March 8, 2010 at 3:08 pm
No, no, no, that bride is all wrong. She needs to be in a pink taffeta dress with poofed sleeves, and a side ponytail.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=15596621
March 8, 2010 at 3:10 pm
In love it!! I could totally see this as a MoMA feature!!
….and the “View it in a Sunday School class”, PRICELESS!!!
March 8, 2010 at 3:12 pm
Ooh! I want Skipper Mary Magdalene!
March 8, 2010 at 3:17 pm
I thought it was a View It In The Basilica.
March 8, 2010 at 3:18 pm
(dons nerd glasses)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piet%C3%A0_(Michelangelo)
(doffs nerd glasses)
March 8, 2010 at 3:24 pm
Bah – Lyon!! I wasn’t even looking at the background. I was too focused on the the young, impressionable, pubescent teen girls looking toward this ‘art’ as they listened to another lecture about abstenence only sex education.
March 8, 2010 at 3:40 pm
@85, true… but it’s a good start!
March 8, 2010 at 3:43 pm
I presume this is a different seller than the Barbie rosary, but I still have to wonder if the Barbies don’t have chew marks.
@ #80: The stations of the cross with peeps killed me. I’ve got this overwhelming urge to watch The Life of Brian right now.
March 8, 2010 at 3:56 pm
OMG!!! http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=29848253 All that’s missing is the RAINBOWS.
March 8, 2010 at 4:09 pm
For some reason, the thing that creeps me out with the centaurs is that she painted nipples on the little girl. Maybe because they’re so dark.
March 8, 2010 at 4:30 pm
@ VEDD
that’s so wrong…do Jesus’ nails!
@Skully, the Book of Mattel has the best verses, huh?
March 8, 2010 at 4:46 pm
Geektastic, my immediate thought was ‘that sculpture looks a lot like a Klimt painting,’ and I’m glad you caught her in her malapropos referencing.
March 8, 2010 at 5:02 pm
How or why would you sew eyelashes on a plastic doll?
Maybe her glue dried up.
March 8, 2010 at 5:40 pm
I love that photoshop masterpiece. It needs to be zazzled into a coaster or something. Just sayin’
(oh, nevermind, I can just go print, laminate and make it a magnet in 5 minutes.)
March 8, 2010 at 6:08 pm
I think it’s a sign of the Apocalypse.
March 8, 2010 at 6:31 pm
Seems like $200 is pretty cheap for a one-way ticket to Hell.
March 8, 2010 at 6:49 pm
Hey, mine was free. Wanna buy it?
March 8, 2010 at 8:32 pm
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=15594848
UH WHY HAS NO ONE COMMENTED ABOUT THIS MAJESTIC PIECE?
either she made two or she’s selling it twice.. but seriously, she’s only just keeping up with the demand, people.
i had no idea such glorious crafting is going on in vallejo, ca.
March 8, 2010 at 8:35 pm
also:
http://www.ooakbarbies.com/detail.asp?ItemID=5711
March 8, 2010 at 8:36 pm
So I jsut took a look at the centaur piece and…well… my childhood memories just got savagely molested. >vomit< Thanks a lot 2 LaVonne.
March 8, 2010 at 9:02 pm
Whoa. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=29848253
13 dollars to ship within US [reasonable]
69 dollars to ship to Canada [uhhh ... what?]
83 dollars to ship to Mexico [wait, what?]
150 dollars to ship everywhere else [are you KIDDING me?]
Those numbers are a little too odd to be typos … As if she wasn’t making enough money off of people, now she’ll rob ‘em blind during shipping!
March 9, 2010 at 2:12 am
Ken in drag (http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=15595573 ) is my personal favorite. It’s nice to know my Ken doll wasn’t the only one who liked to dress up in Barbie’s clothes.
March 9, 2010 at 5:33 am
I’m sorry, but this shop is 69 kinds of AWESOME!
March 9, 2010 at 7:48 am
But did she add the chipped eyelid. I’ve posted this link on FB and I am begging someone to buy this for me.
March 9, 2010 at 10:18 pm
@Stretch (#77): Wow good call on Burger King… the resemblance is uncanny! lol
March 9, 2010 at 11:53 pm
Also, this gives me the drive to work on an idea I thought of a few weeks ago-pin-up zombie Barbies (which would be similar to my pin-up zombie series of drawings: http://www.shellyunveiled.com/zenphoto/zombie-pinup-ups/ …but in 3-D!)
March 12, 2010 at 6:30 pm
Brilliant.
March 16, 2010 at 7:44 pm
I am trying to test my gravatar. I hope it works
June 20, 2011 at 7:10 pm
It’s just plain weird looking at that image. And is Mary actually smiling cos’ I can’t see it clearly from our angle.