From Here to Maternity
Oh, that looks very comfortable. I’m especially intrigued by the dragging “French” ribbons that you’ll have to keep fishing out of the toilet. And of course, constantly tightening the laces so the thing doesn’t fall off while you’re wandering around Rite Aid, looking for enemas.
This is one step above tying a Sham-Wow around your hips with a shoelace.
March 5, 2010 at 1:53 pm
That looks like something a homeless person would dig out of the garbage. Good grief.
March 5, 2010 at 1:54 pm
Use birth control.Please.
March 5, 2010 at 1:55 pm
years from now, when this yet unborn child is laying on the therapist’s couch, whining about an inordinate fear of naugahyde and french ribbon, we here in this forum will know why and can bear witness.
today is a special day.
March 5, 2010 at 1:55 pm
with all due respect, HK, i think you’re being quite generous by saying this is “one step above…” i think a sham-wow with a shoelace would be much, much more flattering. and better constructed…
March 5, 2010 at 1:55 pm
I’ve been pregnant twice and I would have preferred a trash bag skirt to this.
March 5, 2010 at 1:56 pm
Why didn’t she at least make one that fits herself?
March 5, 2010 at 1:57 pm
I didn’t realize it’s still a skirt if your ass is hanging out of it.
::takes scissors to wardrobe::
Must. Be. Comfortable…
March 5, 2010 at 1:57 pm
Wait, that thing IS birth control, along with everything in that shop.Bwahahaha
March 5, 2010 at 1:58 pm
Trust me: The last thing you want when you are pregnant is to look like you are huge freaking whale that NO normal piece of maternity clothing fits your huge ass, so you have cover it with shitty old rags!
WTF???? Maternity Fashion FAIL!!!!!!!
March 5, 2010 at 1:58 pm
Regretsy Math Equivalents:
Vintage material = old raggedy ass sweatshirts
March 5, 2010 at 1:58 pm
“pregnant people can still look cool!!!”
Particularly if they wear something else.
March 5, 2010 at 1:58 pm
Wait, what is “brocant”? Brocade? Maybe?
March 5, 2010 at 1:58 pm
I was pregnant back in 2008. If someone had given me this piece of shit, I would have seen how well it works as a noose.
Most comfortable maternity clothing: NOTHING. THIS DOESN’T EXIST.
March 5, 2010 at 1:58 pm
You know, you should tell your pregnant friend about this great thing called maternity wear. You see they’ve started to make clothes specially designed for pregnant women. Yeah, I know. Revolutionary!
March 5, 2010 at 1:59 pm
How can it be comfortable is you’re still wearing you (I presume uncomfortable) jeans under it? Been pregnant before and I don’t remember anything being comfortable after about 4 months…
March 5, 2010 at 1:59 pm
How much vintage ribbon had to die for this shop to exist?
March 5, 2010 at 2:00 pm
Phew…I’m soooo glad that the skirt can’t reproduce.
“made from materials found in a French brocant…” Is that a fancy term for Trash Heap?
March 5, 2010 at 2:02 pm
LOOK NO FURTHER
http://dictionary.reverso.net/french-english/brocante
March 5, 2010 at 2:02 pm
The beauty of this necklace is that no one can make you wear it at all.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=41914720
March 5, 2010 at 2:03 pm
#17 MAG, Its frippery, flea market goodies, etc. Or as we say here, yo , if you’re wearing that abomination, a bro’ can’t…..
March 5, 2010 at 2:03 pm
OMG.
I bet Princess Diana wore something very similar to this during her pregnancies.
March 5, 2010 at 2:05 pm
This would make a lovely ensemble with some pannots and knitted green wristlets.
March 5, 2010 at 2:06 pm
i didn’t know preggo people looked UN-cool?
what a bitch…
my pregnant friends wouldn’t appreciate that statement…
March 5, 2010 at 2:07 pm
Since when is it so hard for pregnant women to “look cool” that they have to tie up old (excuse me, “vintage”) pieces of washed out Old Navy Performance Fleece throw blanket around their haunches?
March 5, 2010 at 2:08 pm
If Barnum&Bailey did maternity wear.
March 5, 2010 at 2:13 pm
@ #23 razberries – Ain’t that the truth! When I was pregs, I thought I was beautiful. Constipated, a little psycho and uncomfortable, but beautiful. I got to wear tennis shoes or flip-flops every freakin’ day to the office, and people held doors for me wherever I went.
March 5, 2010 at 2:14 pm
If this purports to be some sort of an overskirt to fashionably wear atop jeans or skirts that no longer fit, then why is it designed to be all unlaced over the part where your fly would be agape?
March 5, 2010 at 2:16 pm
I think she’s a graduate of the Ugly Betty School of Fashion Design.
March 5, 2010 at 2:16 pm
Check it out! A maternity apron:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=41907872
March 5, 2010 at 2:18 pm
WTF! This isn’t a skirt. It’s a loincloth. -_-
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=41907872
March 5, 2010 at 2:19 pm
Oops wrong link. THIS is the loincloth:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=41124978
March 5, 2010 at 2:19 pm
Dang. I have a friend who, when pregnant, would wear an old sweatshirt of her husband’s until it got dirty — and then turn it inside and wear it for another week.
That’s still preferable to this rag collection. How did this fashion icon manage to get pregnant in the first place? Who would want to get near enough to her?
March 5, 2010 at 2:20 pm
Oh..the color of that material is identical to surplus Army tents back in boy scouts…did she “upcycle” something here?
March 5, 2010 at 2:21 pm
This also works for pants that will no longer zip up, and it’s not a piece of crap with ribbons:
http://www.expectingcomfort.com/belly-band.html
March 5, 2010 at 2:21 pm
#30 Calophi, and those things she calls necklaces are not necklaces either ….they’re damn ribbons with a damn button slapped on.
March 5, 2010 at 2:25 pm
#7 fancy spatula – Lucky for you, here’s one where her ass IS literally hanging out of it. Betcha Jennifer Lopez would look great in this, a pregnant lady – not so much. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=41907872
March 5, 2010 at 2:25 pm
#28 Damn that is butt ugly.
March 5, 2010 at 2:27 pm
The shop name ‘pinkflapjacks’ Oh JEEZIS do not get us started….
March 5, 2010 at 2:27 pm
From her shop announcement: “Recycled, upcycled and bicycled clothing, jewellery and bags.”
Bicycled?
March 5, 2010 at 2:29 pm
#30 Calophi That is quite…special.
March 5, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Personally I think a ShamWow with shoelaces would be better than this. At least that would dry you off in seconds if your water broke.
March 5, 2010 at 2:30 pm
That undoubtedly would have been the envy of every style-conscious expectant Visigoth woman. Too bad she’s about 1,800 years too late.
March 5, 2010 at 2:30 pm
I love that she made it in gray, the symbolic color of life!
Nothing makes me think new beginnings and joie de vivre like the hazy shade of winter.
March 5, 2010 at 2:31 pm
I wonder what Project Runway would say about this.
March 5, 2010 at 2:33 pm
What a piece of shit!
March 5, 2010 at 2:34 pm
whats “cool” about wearing a skirt that doesnt fit over another article of clothing that doesnt fit? that extra layer will be sah-weet when that hotflash hits. not to mention looking like more of a bum than u feel. sign me up for this!
March 5, 2010 at 2:39 pm
Or, you could take your $35 and go to a maternity clothing store, and buy something that actually fits, and doesn’t look like rags. Just a thought.
March 5, 2010 at 2:44 pm
make that “Project Runaway”
March 5, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Someone tell your pregnant friend she’s trailing toilet paper.
March 5, 2010 at 2:51 pm
on what planet is this garment cool???
yikes — burned out hippies on Haight Street look better than this!
March 5, 2010 at 2:52 pm
Would anyone believe that the maternity skirt is the highlight of this shop? Srsly, drek to drek there is not a salvagable piece in the bunch.
March 5, 2010 at 3:00 pm
this one is even worse:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=41907872
Yeah..this is just what I wanted to wear when I was pregnant…a scrap of fabric that doesn’t even cover my ass….
March 5, 2010 at 3:09 pm
One more thing: A pregnant woman does not have the time or energy to deal with laces. Think: incontinence, hormones, back pain, and the inability to bend over.
This is a total waste of everything.
March 5, 2010 at 3:12 pm
Just when you think it could not be worse : this + the holey tee shirt -an unforgettable ensemble
March 5, 2010 at 3:14 pm
My photoshop skills are regrettable-someone, purdy pleeze, shop that tee & this fleece bomb?
March 5, 2010 at 3:27 pm
When I was preggers, I already felt like a whale. Why on earth would I want a piece of clothing that I was forever busting out of?
March 5, 2010 at 3:29 pm
oops. I meant “clothing”.
March 5, 2010 at 3:33 pm
Okay, first of all, it looks like I made it and that’s not a compliment!
and second of all, as I recall, when I was pregnant I felt like a beached whale, so what I really wanted to make me feel more cool was a piece of clothing that didn’t fit me all the way around so I would look even more like a beached whale (that someone maybe threw their beach towel over).
March 5, 2010 at 3:35 pm
Oh, and third of all, I would never be able to get out of the house because the cat would be hanging off all those ribbons.
March 5, 2010 at 3:36 pm
#57 – I guess great minds think alike!
March 5, 2010 at 4:02 pm
Shit! At least the Sham-wow would come in handy if your water breaks.
Is this the result of an evening of drinking, dumpster-diving and etsy-ing?
March 5, 2010 at 4:07 pm
I think i may have just had an aneurysm. LEARN HOW TO SEW PEOPLE! I mean for christ’s sake! And the “lovely pregnant friend” who suggested all this ain’t lookin’ so lovely in any of the photos. They DO look like a crazy-but-crafty hobo that did a little dumpster diving behind a fabric store.
March 5, 2010 at 4:12 pm
Well I don’t know….. I think paired with the teen anarchist t-shit it might just work………
March 5, 2010 at 4:18 pm
#63 Oh crap, crapgawker-I suggested that pairing
(#54-55) alas, my photoshop skills are lacking-someone?
March 5, 2010 at 4:19 pm
@#64 hamoza – I think it would work. Very airy……
March 5, 2010 at 4:37 pm
#63 crapgawker – did you mean to say “t-shit”? If not, it was a good typo. Like a Freudian slip of the fingers.
March 5, 2010 at 4:41 pm
#64, CG, Should be real pretty with all manner of things hanging out & blowing in the breeze….
March 5, 2010 at 4:41 pm
Looks like someone got knocked-up at Ren Faire.
March 5, 2010 at 4:43 pm
#68 fartin,
hee hee, yeah, that or a not so immaculate dumpster driven conception.
March 5, 2010 at 4:45 pm
Duh, divin’
March 5, 2010 at 4:51 pm
The picture alone made me crack up, but after I read the comments I nearly choked to death. Please reproduce, Helen.
March 5, 2010 at 4:56 pm
#41 CrimsonHoohah :
“Personally I think a ShamWow with shoelaces would be better than this. At least that would dry you off in seconds if your water broke.”
And you know those Germans make good stuff.
This shit, not so good.
PS i promise, if no one else has yet, I will PS the holey t-shit and this “skirt” together when I get back from teh grocery.
March 5, 2010 at 5:26 pm
there is a reason why god made yoga pants…
March 5, 2010 at 5:34 pm
I have to totally agree with #56 & #58. About the only thing that fit me when I was pregnant with my younger kid was a circus tent. I hated those women that wore tight clothes and looked all cute. At 20 weeks people thought I was going to give birth any minute. I would have strangled someone with those ribbons.
March 5, 2010 at 6:35 pm
What in the fucking hell? Way to look like dog shit while pregnant.
March 5, 2010 at 6:45 pm
I am 5 1/2 months pregnant right now. I would rather wear skants, which I might end up trying yet! While pregnant women like me often suffer the problem of overheating quickly, I just don’t think that wearing panty-revealing clothing is the answer.
March 5, 2010 at 7:05 pm
I think pregnant women are beautiful.
That is 100% better than cool!
March 5, 2010 at 7:11 pm
While skirts were my saving grace while I was pregnant, if someone had made/bought this for me, I would have beat them. I had no energy or desire to lace stuff up and I certainly wasn’t in the mood to have my stretch marked tummy hanging out. I can sort of see the whole “skirt over leggings” thing but this was executed in a very shitty fashion. Heh. Executed.
March 5, 2010 at 7:21 pm
Did anyone else notice that she doesn’t actually photograph any other sides of this thing? Sure, she shows her front, side, backside, etc, but in every shot the hideous thing has been rotated such that we never see whatever disaster must be on the back.
March 5, 2010 at 7:32 pm
I thought the only thing difficult about making aprons was fucking them up…
March 5, 2010 at 9:28 pm
I think the Sham Wow and shoelace would be more attractive.
March 5, 2010 at 10:14 pm
yikes, that’s hideous! (and you’ll always have to wear pants as well, or something. I thought skirts were there to avoid just that? Or maybe I’m just not enough of a fashionista…)
March 5, 2010 at 10:15 pm
Bunnies congrats… I am 3 months prego with my second baby. I look effing cool and even with all my raging “nurture all things, maternal rapture” hormones I have absolutely NO love to bestow on this ugly and entirely dysfunctional piece ‘o shite. In fact I feel a little morning sickness coming on right now….
March 5, 2010 at 10:20 pm
and I can tell you I don’t want fucking converse laces etching into my taut belly. If ever there was an antithesis of “maternity comfortable”, here it is!
As some wise Regretsian before me wrote: ‘there is a reason God made Yoga pants’ You can’t reinvent the wheel!!
March 5, 2010 at 10:54 pm
Sorry to get back so late, the gimp crashed then I was enlisted to do something IRL, but here it is, as promised:
With great apologies to Dame Judi.
March 5, 2010 at 10:56 pm
congrats @ priceless
March 5, 2010 at 11:09 pm
Oh wow. Judi just got all kinds of HellaHot… Geektastic, I think you just might have me rethinking that skirt!!
March 6, 2010 at 12:15 am
I admit to liking her “Bag of Scraps” bag:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=41992193
Because it is honest.
March 6, 2010 at 12:42 am
Honest but fugly. bleh.
March 6, 2010 at 12:58 am
I dunno about the rest of you who have experienced pregnancy, but if I had to get through that “skirt”, AND the fucking tights or leggings and my underpants before I could pee, I’d've needed the Shamwow to clean up after myself, and a second skirt to wear home. Too many layers, and too much effort for nice pregnant women!
March 6, 2010 at 12:59 am
#88 Nicol : I admit to liking her “Bag of Scraps” bag. I wanted to tell you to remove the “S”, but I agree with you, it is kinda cute.
March 6, 2010 at 3:51 am
If I was the fetus I would jump ship!!!!
March 6, 2010 at 4:32 am
Maybe I’m getting old but why the tight shirts and bellys sticking out? When I was pregnant, I wanted to wear loose tops, something that covered my stomach. My favorite was maternity turtle necks that looked like normal tops but covered me up.
I loved being pregnant and thought I looked great but tight clothes just didn’t agree with me
March 6, 2010 at 9:41 am
#85 geekt-Thank you for shopping that -it is sufficiently hideous & wonderful!
March 6, 2010 at 4:49 pm
Not one single redeeming item in that entire store. Not even in an ironic way. Just…bad, and sad.
March 6, 2010 at 4:53 pm
thank jeebus the interwebz have allowed every idiot with a piece of fabric and fancy ribbon to decide they’re a “designer”. this is garbage.
March 6, 2010 at 6:21 pm
what’s the problem? this is exactly what I wore every day while pregnant.
March 6, 2010 at 6:53 pm
There is a crazy homeless lady who wears a platinum blond dreadlock wig in my neighborhood and I could totally see her wearing this.
March 7, 2010 at 12:07 am
@#97… is that right? And exactly how many days were you pregnant…. Gus, is it?
March 7, 2010 at 11:58 am
Priceless, thank you, and congrats as well! I agree with your #83 & #84 posts. This is indeed a piece ‘o turdtastic crapwear. My idea of cool pregnancy clothing is American Apparel, but even then I’m not about to walk around in a unitard despite the suggestions of their website!
March 17, 2010 at 5:52 pm
Don’t nobody want to see your fat ol’ baby belly hanging down full of stretch marks and your belly button protruding out to there. Put on some real clothes not some crap that doesn’t even cover you up and may fall off any minute.
March 23, 2010 at 5:57 pm
Whoever wears that while they are pregnant need the baby taken away at birth. Because obviously the mother is crazy.