That woman needs some Level Infinity +1 help. Her book cover looks like it was blown up from the picture they took for her Costco card and then technicolorized by a disgraced NY Gov. David Paterson.
“hand me another doughnut with condiments on it?” condiments? what the hell is this woman doing to her doughnuts? it’s bad enough she’s selling nascar crap on ebay, but for the love of god, she’s putting mayo on fried dough. oh the humanities!
Besides the huge hair-sprayed bangs and different shades of hair color, I am most impressed by her writing tablet and pen with the fucking laptop that sits in front of her.
There was a young man from Dayton(er)
who developed a very large boner
the fans, they would flash
and he’d get in a crash
while trying to become a sperm donor.
twatsupcock- I did not copy and paste. I wanted to type it again. I think she could push his keyboard buttons with one hand and well just imagine what she could do with the other.
Well, the “NASCAR poetry” concept is daunting, it took a few glasses of wine to get to simple verse:
“Look, he done gone blew up!”
“I’ve never seen a man in so many pieces”
“What lap is this…aw, fuckit gimme ‘nother beer”
“Yeah, I’m writing ‘poetry’—these are words ain’t they?”
“Ellie Mae, you watchout fer that tire comin yer way…Oh.”
“Praise the Lord and pass the gasoline. Let’s get drunk and drive route 66.”
#51 Vile & Evil Debbie Downer: LMFAO! That’s just raunchy and awesome and wrong all rolled into one!
Couldn’t resist…took a listen to her “Original Route 66(6 hehe)” song…she has a decent singing voice, but not one I would enjoy listening to because that is THE stereotypical Christian singer’s voice, and I stay away from everything that is Christian (I might burst into flames if I don’t).
I’ve always hated NASCAR, but I think this book just makes me hate it even more!
#49 BoogersPrncs :
#58 hamoza :
I am guessing that the 24 is for Jeff Gordon, the NASCAR Driver she stalks, as his racing number is 24. I don’t know about the number 15. I do know that alot of your cheaper beer is often sold in a 15 pack. Just a guess.
March 4, 2010 at 5:04 pm
Just asked my dad, a big NASCAR fan, if he wants this. He said, and I quote, “Uhhhhhhhh…no.”
Not even with the fantastic cover art. Go figure.
March 4, 2010 at 5:06 pm
That woman needs some Level Infinity +1 help. Her book cover looks like it was blown up from the picture they took for her Costco card and then technicolorized by a disgraced NY Gov. David Paterson.
March 4, 2010 at 5:09 pm
…is she wearing pants?
March 4, 2010 at 5:10 pm
Oil runs in my veins,
Steering fluid – my cologne,
Can I honk your horn?
March 4, 2010 at 5:12 pm
Fuck, I just love Amerika.
March 4, 2010 at 5:14 pm
Fuck, what I meant was what the fuck is this doing on etsy, how the fuck is this handmade, WTF?
March 4, 2010 at 5:15 pm
“hand me another doughnut with condiments on it?” condiments? what the hell is this woman doing to her doughnuts? it’s bad enough she’s selling nascar crap on ebay, but for the love of god, she’s putting mayo on fried dough. oh the humanities!
March 4, 2010 at 5:15 pm
maria bennett
america says sorry
for freedom of speech
(And they’d like it back, please)
March 4, 2010 at 5:15 pm
‘poetry & nascar’, I quote.
March 4, 2010 at 5:18 pm
Can I light your smoke?
Can my rubber hit your road?
Oh! My Nascar babe!
March 4, 2010 at 5:19 pm
Besides the huge hair-sprayed bangs and different shades of hair color, I am most impressed by her writing tablet and pen with the fucking laptop that sits in front of her.
March 4, 2010 at 5:21 pm
#9 hamoza : ‘poetry & nascar’, I quote.
Is this what they were trying to say in the song, “Poetry In Motion?”
March 4, 2010 at 5:22 pm
I smell stalker. And she sings too http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=41321068
“Part of the proceeds from every sale of this cd will go to benefit the Jeff Gordon Foundation” wonder how much?
March 4, 2010 at 5:22 pm
Somebody better PBR me ASAP.
March 4, 2010 at 5:24 pm
#12 RCB By golly I think you’re right!I’m dizzy just thinking about it.
March 4, 2010 at 5:24 pm
Computers are for
youtube and downloading porn
for writing: notepads
March 4, 2010 at 5:27 pm
There was a young man from Dayton(er)
who developed a very large boner
the fans, they would flash
and he’d get in a crash
while trying to become a sperm donor.
March 4, 2010 at 5:30 pm
she’s right – i want this about as much as the fabled mustard on a doughnut.
March 4, 2010 at 5:32 pm
Straight up, #14!
March 4, 2010 at 5:34 pm
And #13…Creeepy!
March 4, 2010 at 5:34 pm
Would this make any more sense to me if I knew anything about NASCAR?
March 4, 2010 at 5:35 pm
No.
March 4, 2010 at 5:39 pm
just like
mustard on a donut…
chocolate on bacon…
furry skants on a Dookie monster
March 4, 2010 at 5:40 pm
They realize “prose” and “poetry” are very much not the same, right?
March 4, 2010 at 5:41 pm
Pretty sure the answer to that is also no.
March 4, 2010 at 5:46 pm
next: there will be a book of poetry written by people in jail…
It will be called Prose and Cons…
March 4, 2010 at 5:48 pm
#26 Stretch65: Maybe this is a book of poetry written by someone in jail.
March 4, 2010 at 5:52 pm
I need to start up a Psychic Etsy store-she looks just like I’d envisioned a NASCAR fan would.
March 4, 2010 at 5:56 pm
“Nascar poetry, donuts, and Jesus be praised”
da-yum.
March 4, 2010 at 6:00 pm
Oh, yes, she has this song too http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=11125368
“The Original Route 66 that Maria is singing about, is God’s Highway to Heaven, the 66 books of the Holy Bible!”
uh-huh.
March 4, 2010 at 6:05 pm
But she lists her brain in the materials section.
March 4, 2010 at 6:11 pm
Seen at a NASCAR race on a t-shirt:
“Tits and Beer… That’s Why I’m Here..
March 4, 2010 at 6:17 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 4, 2010 at 6:18 pm
#31 well, that explains a lot, doesn’t it?
March 4, 2010 at 6:19 pm
He’s makin’ a left turn!!!!
He’s makin’ another left turn!!!!
He’s makin’ another left turn!!!!
He’s makin’ another left turn!!!!
March 4, 2010 at 6:19 pm
#34 geek, I’d rather not know.
March 4, 2010 at 6:20 pm
Now I want to dip a donut in some mustard…jk.
March 4, 2010 at 6:38 pm
At first glance I thought this was another DVD.
March 4, 2010 at 6:48 pm
nascar? i agree with sudabaki, i don’t watch/understand it…
but if you COULD judge a book by it’s cover, i sure as hell wouldn’t want to get near anything to do with nascar, thank you very much.
March 4, 2010 at 6:51 pm
weekly NASCAR prose
(or poetry, whatever)
sounds so retarded
March 4, 2010 at 6:52 pm
She couldnt put together a better cover then that? Really?
March 4, 2010 at 6:54 pm
#13 Geektastic I agree! totally a stalker- I can only assume Jeff Gordon already has a restrining order…
March 4, 2010 at 7:01 pm
Oh! NASCAR Hussy!
Oh! Queen of the Tanning Bed!
My Muse, your big mane!
March 4, 2010 at 7:01 pm
I think we should introduce her and That Varga dude. Between her hair and his hairy armpits, they are a match made in. . . um. . . Well, frick . . .
March 4, 2010 at 7:20 pm
Curiosity got the better of me. I went to listen to her music. It’s exactly what you’d expect.
http://www.reverbnation.com/#/mariabennett
March 4, 2010 at 7:33 pm
twatsupcock- I did not copy and paste. I wanted to type it again. I think she could push his keyboard buttons with one hand and well just imagine what she could do with the other.
March 4, 2010 at 7:34 pm
Damn now I put an awful vision of a Schlitz can turned into a five cent fuck face hole.
March 4, 2010 at 7:36 pm
Well, the “NASCAR poetry” concept is daunting, it took a few glasses of wine to get to simple verse:
“Look, he done gone blew up!”
“I’ve never seen a man in so many pieces”
“What lap is this…aw, fuckit gimme ‘nother beer”
“Yeah, I’m writing ‘poetry’—these are words ain’t they?”
“Ellie Mae, you watchout fer that tire comin yer way…Oh.”
“Praise the Lord and pass the gasoline. Let’s get drunk and drive route 66.”
March 4, 2010 at 7:38 pm
I am really curious how she came up with the price $15.24.
March 4, 2010 at 7:55 pm
Er … am I the only one creeped out by THIS bit of poetry?
“BRIDGE:
Take my hand, daddy, dance with me,
Teach me what true love really means,”
Or is it a NASCAR thing?
From here: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=41321068
March 4, 2010 at 8:06 pm
I like some mustard with my biscuits, mm hmm. All right theyun.
http://twitpic.com/16o8n8
March 4, 2010 at 8:08 pm
So Harlequin Nascar books just weren’t enough for this woman? She wanted poetry. Or no wait prose? Now I’m confused.
March 4, 2010 at 8:24 pm
#49VEDD~ You’re a bad bad girl.
March 4, 2010 at 8:39 pm
After seeing this, I will never again be annoyed by my husband’s “obsession” with NASCAR.
He’s just a fan of racing… but this… this is a whole ‘nother level of messed-up-ed-ness.
March 4, 2010 at 8:47 pm
#49 I love it!
March 4, 2010 at 9:10 pm
Sooo…Jeff Gordon is a pedophile?
March 4, 2010 at 9:13 pm
You know, I think this would be less disturbing if she were just writing RPfic about Jeff Gordon.
March 4, 2010 at 10:45 pm
#49 boogers, yeah, that price of $15.24 is a brain twister. It annoys me almost as much as what shes selling.
March 4, 2010 at 10:48 pm
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
March 4, 2010 at 11:43 pm
@Lola: Out of this whole horrifying mess, that’s the one thing that appalled me too!!
March 5, 2010 at 12:52 am
#51 Vile & Evil Debbie Downer: LMFAO! That’s just raunchy and awesome and wrong all rolled into one!
Couldn’t resist…took a listen to her “Original Route 66(6 hehe)” song…she has a decent singing voice, but not one I would enjoy listening to because that is THE stereotypical Christian singer’s voice, and I stay away from everything that is Christian (I might burst into flames if I don’t).
I’ve always hated NASCAR, but I think this book just makes me hate it even more!
March 5, 2010 at 7:56 am
That’s right up there with a T-shirt I’d like my future ex-wife to wear at the next race – “Blows Gaskets for Beer money.”
March 5, 2010 at 8:11 am
#51, VEDD: WIN.
March 5, 2010 at 10:42 am
sigh..sadly, what bothers me the most is the misuse of “prose.” Prose is not poetry.
March 5, 2010 at 2:24 pm
#46 recovering crack baby, LOVE IT!!!!!
March 5, 2010 at 5:50 pm
I can’t believe she is trying to sell this on ETSY. If I had this kind of talent i would not fuck around. I’d go straight to Wal-Mart with it.
March 5, 2010 at 5:55 pm
#49 BoogersPrncs :
#58 hamoza :
I am guessing that the 24 is for Jeff Gordon, the NASCAR Driver she stalks, as his racing number is 24. I don’t know about the number 15. I do know that alot of your cheaper beer is often sold in a 15 pack. Just a guess.
March 5, 2010 at 7:24 pm
VEDD FTW!
March 6, 2010 at 7:49 am
#67 I have found the answer to the 15 after re-reading her description a bit slower. “In my 15 1/2 years of hosting For Race Fans Only on QVC”…oh boy…
March 6, 2010 at 11:26 am
This clown-faced gal gives a whole new, disturbing interpretation to the term “pole position”.
March 8, 2010 at 10:22 am
You know, I think this is in the grand tradition of Beat poetry. It’s not bad. Unintentionally, of course.