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Lumber Support

Oh come on! Do people really think they have wood sprites in their kindling? It’s a branch, not the haunted forest of Mirkwood. I can’t believe anyone . . .

Wait a second.

OMFG

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85 comments on Lumber Support

  1. vergeofsomething
    March 2, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -236

  2. vergeofsomething
    March 2, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -246

  3. emlemony
    March 2, 2010 at 1:33 pm

    woah! Now I believe!!!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +28

  4. crazycatlady
    March 2, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    Hand to God I am watching this episode of Torchwood as we speak.

    Thumb up Thumb down +45

  5. fenrislorsrai
    March 2, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    So you found wood fairies inside the DEAD tree? Dead wood fairie bits?

    Haven’t I read this horror novel? Doesn’t it involve my eyeballs being eaten in the dead of night by vengeful spirits?

    Thumb up Thumb down +53

  6. sourkiwi
    March 2, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    KILL IT WITH FIRE!

    Thumb up Thumb down +75

  7. vergeofsomething
    March 2, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -240

  8. fifi-leCroc
    March 2, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    I like the lower left bent over *give it to me* bum

    Thumb up Thumb down +44

  9. hamoza
    March 2, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    Musta’ been some wacky shrooms growing on those stumps.

    Thumb up Thumb down +18

  10. bondgurl
    March 2, 2010 at 1:40 pm

    I always new there was something special about Oprah.

    Maybe she’s quitting her show to return to the woodlands from which she came.

    Thumb up Thumb down +24

  11. willandwont
    March 2, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    Selling wood spirits? Wouldn’t that be like wood spirit slavery? Or are they more like pets? If so, what do they eat? Hopefully not my house if I buy one.

    Thumb up Thumb down +65

  12. bondgurl
    March 2, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    #11 Selling wood spirits? Wouldn’t that be like wood spirit slavery?

    Like “The Color Brown”?

    Thumb up Thumb down +31

  13. geektastic
    March 2, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    These appear to have been preserved by pressing.

    Thumb up Thumb down +25

  14. SuperSnark
    March 2, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    I really don’t give a shit if faieries live in the wood, it still burns in the fireplace!

    Thumb up Thumb down +22

  15. razberries
    March 2, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    hee hee, finding oprah in that tree branch is better than finding jesus on a piece of toast! :-D

    Thumb up Thumb down +79

  16. leftfoot
    March 2, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    Just imagine if Stevie Wonder believed in haunted tree wood..

    “Oprah wood and ivory.. Live together in perfect harmony.. Side by side on my keyboard, oh no, why don’t weeeee?”

    (prepared for the dislikes because, y’all, that was pretty stupid. Yay Lortabs!)

    Thumb up Thumb down +23

  17. IscreamUscream
    March 2, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    Sing along everyone…
    “What rolls down stairs
    alone or in pairs,
    and over your neighbor’s dog?
    What’s great for a snack,
    And fits on your back?
    It’s log, log, log

    It’s log, it’s log,
    It’s big, it’s heavy, it’s wood.
    It’s log, it’s log, it’s better than bad, it’s good.”

    Everyone wants a log
    You’re gonna love it, log
    Come on and get your log
    Everyone needs a log
    log log log”
    –LOG FROM BLAMMO™
    © John Kricfalusi

    http://tinyurl.com/yle2b84

    Thumb up Thumb down +125

  18. bootsychoo
    March 2, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    Vivisected spirit angels. Ew.

    Thumb up Thumb down +69

  19. hamoza
    March 2, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    #15 raz ~heehee bwa ha ha….

    There is a rather nice rustic simplicity to these , coming on the heels of that gothpomchair, but the spirit connotation is just ridiculous.

    Thumb up Thumb down +15

  20. Chrisnyc1213
    March 2, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    So, if I buy one, do I get to choose? Are will I get a random piece. I’m really feeling the fat one with the exploding head to the right of Oprah.

    Thumb up Thumb down +28

  21. sourkiwi
    March 2, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    @Raz. But if you found Jesus on a piece of toast – would you still eat it?

    Thumb up Thumb down +19

  22. willandwont
    March 2, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    #12 bondgurl :

    Like “The Color Brown”?

    or maybe “Roots”. Literally.

    Thumb up Thumb down +41

  23. sourkiwi
    March 2, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    This would be the only wood I’d get courtesy of Oprah

    Thumb up Thumb down +65

  24. geektastic
    March 2, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    #17 ISUS- “Hey Kid! Do you want a toy!?”

    Awesome! Love John K.’s Ren and Stimpy stuff. Always way cool background music too.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  25. LeeLooDallas
    March 2, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    Racking up the sales…one sap at a time.

    Thumb up Thumb down +67

  26. lyontamer
    March 2, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    Tulip Tree. *snort* Why the rose, then?

    Thumb up Thumb down -1

  27. sourkiwi
    March 2, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    @LeeLoo – One sap at a time? Treemendous!

    @ISUS. Ren & Stimpy FTW. I still watch that show.

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  28. Skully
    March 2, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    @#21 SK: Maybe with a slice of Kraft, I love grilled cheeses.

    Thumb up Thumb down +15

  29. blondeweezie
    March 2, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    Wood spirits? The only spirit in that chick is Jagermeister.

    Thumb up Thumb down +24

  30. whaapplewha
    March 2, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    I would think that the very act of slicing the branch into coaster sized pieces and sanding them would KILL the fairies. So you ought to be ashamed of yourself, you tree sprite/fairy killer! Where’s Gloria Allred when those little ladies need her?

    Thumb up Thumb down +22

  31. Efit
    March 2, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    Now why would this lunatic slice and sand wood sprites? Sounds evil. And bat shit crazy.

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  32. HelenaHandbasket
    March 2, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    Level 4 Hoarder alert.

    Thumb up Thumb down +30

  33. blondeweezie
    March 2, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=41370376

    Twig letters? Am I missing something here?

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  34. crazycatlady
    March 2, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    @#17 IScream: yes….everyone DOES want a log, need a log. Oh yeah, mama gotta get a log.

    What? Huh? Sorry, I’m back.

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  35. sourkiwi
    March 2, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    @Skully,

    Cheeses crust. That was awesome.

    Thumb up Thumb down +17

  36. whaapplewha
    March 2, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    #17 Iscream…: oh the log song! That takes me back.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  37. Chrisnyc1213
    March 2, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    #17 is comment of the MONTH.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  38. lyontamer
    March 2, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    First they’re poached as infants and smothered in bottles. Now they’re slaughtered in half right in their own homes. What next?

    Thumb up Thumb down +21

  39. Wilma Fingerdoo
    March 2, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    At first glance it looks like sushi.

    I’ll have one Oprah roll, two spicy tuna rolls, and extra wasabi, please.

    Thumb up Thumb down +24

  40. curlytopnola
    March 2, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    i don’t know jack much about trees, but isn’t that marking usually indicative of a tree-disease or tree-trauma? LOVE-ly! good thing oprah is on hand b/c nothing plucks a heartstring more than tree-trauma.

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

  41. Wilma Fingerdoo
    March 2, 2010 at 2:10 pm

    Apparently, the sisters have been eating the magic mushrooms growing on the logs again.

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  42. IscreamUscream
    March 2, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    “…one sap at a time”
    bwahaha! :lol:

    If I count the tree rings, can I tell Oprah’s age?

    Thumb up Thumb down +25

  43. verysage
    March 2, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    Let me get this straight. She found a wood spirit in a branch, and it was such a moving experience that she asked her husband to go all Fargo on it?

    Thumb up Thumb down +30

  44. geektastic
    March 2, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    “If I count the tree rings, can I tell Oprah’s age?”

    Yes, but then she would have to kill you.

    Uh-oh, the “Spirit Bear” is interested in the bent over “Wood Spirit”.
    http://s761.photobucket.com/albums/xx256/geektastic_whimsy/Regretsy%20NSFW/?action=view&current=Spirit_bear_log.png

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  45. geektastic
    March 2, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    #43 verysage, they were fleeing the interview.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  46. Bratfink
    March 2, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    Reminds me of an acid trip I had back in the early 70s. And my shower curtain that had faces, but that was just some killer weed. I never see shit like that when I’m straight.

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  47. SuperSnark
    March 2, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    #17 God you are on a roll today!! I love ren&stimpy
    you eeediot!!! BEST Nick cartoon EVER!!! <3

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  48. Eruanna
    March 2, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    “Unfortunately because of organic materials, it is illegal for these items to be shipped overseas, this includes Canada and Mexico.”

    Overseas. Over…SEAS. Does NOT include Canada and Mexico.

    Thumb up Thumb down +38

  49. kirstenrana
    March 2, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    These won’t do at all, my martini would keep sliding off.
    They are coasters, right?

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  50. geektastic
    March 2, 2010 at 3:16 pm

    Oprah better watch herself, unless, you know, she’s into that kind of thing.

    http://s761.photobucket.com/albums/xx256/geektastic_whimsy/Regretsy%20NSFW/?action=view&current=oprah_stump_bear-1.png

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  51. Skully
    March 2, 2010 at 3:40 pm
  52. IscreamUscream
    March 2, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    @Skully :lol:

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  53. twatsupcock
    March 2, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    Let’s hope the Arbor Day Foundation does not find out about this. . .

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  54. Bronc Drywall
    March 2, 2010 at 3:56 pm

    “Some of them even appear to have little halos?”

    Just wait a G-D minute. Are we talking about wood sprites or angels? Get your stupid mythology straight, sister.

    Thumb up Thumb down +28

  55. UnaBee
    March 2, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    She’s “fortunate to have a lot of trees in her neck of the woods.”
    Unlike in other parts of the woods, where there aren’t a lot of trees.
    In the woods.
    Over there.

    Thumb up Thumb down +43

  56. FootofCanal
    March 2, 2010 at 4:25 pm

    Tell me, how is it they can spell fortunate but not OUR instead of ARE. ON OUR neck of the woods, but not in? WTF people.
    I swear I am gonna open a etsy shop. I have no freaking clue what I am gonna sell, but I am doin it.

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  57. BettyMachete
    March 2, 2010 at 4:30 pm

    Marlana Pendley will know who those wood spirits belong to! (And deliver in a PDF file,later).

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  58. janncri
    March 2, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    Wonderful photoshopping people! And WTF with the thumbs-downers? Maybe it was the wood sprite…hmm….

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  59. janncri
    March 2, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    I wonder if this means we are going to start seeing copycat bear/Oprah paintings?

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  60. IscreamUscream
    March 2, 2010 at 5:07 pm

    Red-thumbers, you’re wearing your log the wrong way–watch the instructional video!

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  61. mags
    March 2, 2010 at 5:45 pm

    I thought wood spirits made you go blind.

    Thumb up Thumb down +20

  62. creepydolls
    March 2, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    I hope they are not chopping down trees just to look for fairy bits.

    That would sooooo not be eco-friendly!

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  63. UnaBee
    March 2, 2010 at 6:52 pm

    #62, that is genius

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  64. voxwoman
    March 2, 2010 at 6:54 pm

    those logs look like Hitler!

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  65. geektastic
    March 2, 2010 at 7:00 pm

    @Skully, you are such a troll ^_^

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  66. NedTheDeadInRed
    March 2, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    Gee, am I in trouble from the vengeful spirits of all the sticks and logs I’ve burned in my fireplace?

    Or does it just turn out my fireplace is now a crematory shrine for sprites?

    Guess I just couldn’t see the faeries for the trees.

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  67. Vile & Evil Debbie Downer
    March 2, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    Well, late to this party, but computer crashed the first time I shopped it (you’ll see why)

    http://twitpic.com/16bf53

    I stuck an apple on there ’cause it looked so cute on the macbook sticker.

    Thumb up Thumb down +15

  68. Snark-o-leptic Cesar
    March 2, 2010 at 7:53 pm

    She should have stopped with “I know I have a strange imagination”.

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  69. clitty’s got claws
    March 2, 2010 at 9:44 pm

    #68 Vile & Evil Debbie Downer-AHH! My eyes! My eyes!

    Love all the photoshopping people!

    Now…this sold out. I’m hoping that the wood will be used as kindling instead of actual decoration.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  70. vergeofsomething
    March 2, 2010 at 10:48 pm

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -14

  71. Patty has abducted an Australian
    March 3, 2010 at 3:01 am

    Patty is having too much fun with her abducted Australian that she keeps missing out on Regretsy.

    And then she talks about herself in the third person.

    Anyway… ;)

    The “artist” is “drawn to trees” and yet she’s perfectly cool with butchering them and selling them off for profit.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  72. Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina
    March 3, 2010 at 3:04 am

    Helen you’re an angel sent down from planet fuckery

    Thats so fucking funny i can’t even laugh.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  73. Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina
    March 3, 2010 at 3:04 am

    hey Patty we have a man shortage in australia , send him back

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  74. Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina
    March 3, 2010 at 3:09 am

    omg this seller with the angel wood, she has had a partcularly bad week on etsy with someone buying out her whole shop and leaving bad feedback, so i hope she gets something good out of this exposure

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  75. Dix
    March 3, 2010 at 6:11 am

    I’m laughing so hard at the Oprah thing I can barely type!

    I’m still a little weirded out at the idea of selling woodsprites. Isn’t that sort of like human trafficking?

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  76. Patty has abducted an Australian
    March 3, 2010 at 7:54 am

    Feel Free; you can have him back when I’m done with him. ;)

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  77. faunablues
    March 3, 2010 at 9:22 am

    I would have never known that fungal infections and white rot had so much spiritual significance.

    Maybe this means there’s a market for infected toenails?

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  78. wasted days
    March 3, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    They sold out of these yesterday! So it’s true, there is a sucker born every minute.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  79. PussDaddy
    March 3, 2010 at 2:39 pm

    Sell your yard waste on Etsy.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  80. crapgawker
    March 3, 2010 at 3:40 pm

    Good luck harvesting the eggs and bottling one of these! *snort%

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  81. ThisJustMakesMeSad
    March 3, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    Stop. Taking. Drugs. People.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  82. emc
    April 16, 2010 at 5:19 pm

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -6

    • Helen Killer
      April 17, 2010 at 11:22 am

      Fail is pimping your site in a comment thread, thanking us for sales and still managing to complain about being featured.

      Glad we were able to send traffic your way.

      Thumb up Thumb down +5

  83. jazzbrizz
    February 7, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    she has trees in her neck of the WOODS. cant stop laughing…….help

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

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