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WTF Alchemy Request

Posted by Helen Killer

98 comments

Filed in WTF Alchemy Request 98 comments

98 Comments

Add Comment

Mar 1, 2010
7:01 pm

#1 turnaround :

Obviously it’s for looking at porn and masturbating in public.

Rate this comment: +149

Mar 1, 2010
7:04 pm

#2 ckinsobe :

Oh dear.

Rate this comment: +13

Mar 1, 2010
7:04 pm

#3 Lexiii :

I’ll knit one, but it’ll cost 500.00.

Rate this comment: +45

Mar 1, 2010
7:10 pm

#4 Calophi :

I’ve seen that picture before. I’ve never understood what good something like that would be. XD

Rate this comment: +13

Mar 1, 2010
7:11 pm

#5 lyontamer :

…Don’t laptops already have a tendency to overheat?

Rate this comment: +52

Mar 1, 2010
7:12 pm

#6 steviesegel :

just bizzare

Rate this comment: +7

Mar 1, 2010
7:14 pm

#7 hamoza :

But can it convert into skants? Or go with skants? if not , what good is it?

Rate this comment: +82

Mar 1, 2010
7:15 pm

#8 BettyMachete :

Do they make these for my steering wheel?

Rate this comment: +165

Mar 1, 2010
7:15 pm

#9 Whawhawhatsis :

Fifty bucks? She thinks she can get that for fifty bucks? You have got to be shitting me. The yarn alone would cost more than fifty bucks! Then looking at how much knitting is involved, I’m estimating a minimum of 30-40 hours of knitting time. So she thinks someone should knit that excrescence – making up a pattern as they go – for about minus 10 bucks an hour?

My knitting needles would turn around and stab me in the heart if I took her up on her offer. And I’d thank them!

Rate this comment: +203

Mar 1, 2010
7:15 pm

#10 chalcedonysparrow :

A fool and his money are soon parted.

Rate this comment: +31

Mar 1, 2010
7:18 pm

#11 hamoza :

#9 Whawhawhatsis Bwa ha ha, excrescence what a word!

Rate this comment: +24

Mar 1, 2010
7:21 pm

#12 angie :

#1 – exactly what i thought. porn sweater.

Rate this comment: +31

Mar 1, 2010
7:22 pm

#13 smemilyanne :

Wouldn’t it get horribly humid under there?

Rate this comment: +20

Mar 1, 2010
7:27 pm

#14 sudabaki© :

I feel lightheaded just looking at it.

Rate this comment: +29

Mar 1, 2010
7:29 pm

#15 X Random Snarker X :

Soooo this is a joke alchemy request? I can’t see why anyone would need or want this thing.

Alchemy is all a bunch of joke postings anyway… I mean, what kind of person asks a crafter/artist, to create brand name knock off’s? Or for that matter, what kind of Etsy crafter/artist, turns around and bids on the requests for cheap knock off’s?

Rate this comment: +13

Mar 1, 2010
7:42 pm

#16 kittyofassisi :

HAHA! LOL! OMG! WTF! ROFLMAO!

Extra bang for reading the request before looking at the picture. That is fucking hilarious! Or maybe I’ve had too much wine. ha ha ha!!!

Rate this comment: +9

Mar 1, 2010
7:49 pm

#17 madamedefarge :

It looks like an anteater with a missing ear.

Rate this comment: +26

Mar 1, 2010
7:55 pm

#18 urbangriever :

That’s kind of Dr. Seuss-ish.

Ohhh, and great timing too! Isn’t tomorrow Dr. Seuss’ bday? At first, I thought this was a joke and had to look at it for a good five minutes … but now I know there’s an ulterior motive in place of porn or playing Neopets in public.

Rate this comment: +15

Mar 1, 2010
8:00 pm

#19 MarchHare :

well she doesn’t want to be conspicuous at work while she’s playing Farmville and Everquest instead of doing Payroll

Rate this comment: +51

Mar 1, 2010
8:00 pm

#20 mstiefan :

It’s nice that she chose muted earthy colors so as not to call attention to herself.

Rate this comment: +83

Mar 1, 2010
8:07 pm

#21 LeeLooDallas :

How to give yourself a Dutch oven.

Rate this comment: +75

Mar 1, 2010
8:08 pm

#22 bootsychoo :

Perhaps this can be the next Regretsy charity item?

Rate this comment: +12

Mar 1, 2010
8:19 pm

#23 cratz :

HK, I sure hope it doesn’t hurt too much when you laugh. My involuntary outburst upon first sight of this sweater thing would certainly have popped my stitches if I’d just had surgery on my mid-section.
Get well soon!

Rate this comment: +13

Mar 1, 2010
8:20 pm

#24 Kecky :

I don’t understaaaaaaand

Rate this comment: +7

Mar 1, 2010
8:27 pm

#25 IscreamUscream :

a condom for internet sex?

Rate this comment: +34

Mar 1, 2010
8:36 pm

#26 Lucretia Borgia :

For once Helen Killer is rendered Speechless …. and so am I ……

Rate this comment: +10

Mar 1, 2010
8:48 pm

#27 hautemom :

i think it’s awesomely wierd. i love it. i dont need or want one really, but i do like it in a strange way.

Rate this comment: +6

Mar 1, 2010
9:01 pm

#28 ensoul :

New Silent Hill enemy, HOOOO!

Rate this comment: +20

Mar 1, 2010
9:02 pm

#29 IscreamUscream :

As another noted–you’ll spend more $$ in burned-out laptops due to heat than the cost of knitting this thing.

Rate this comment: +11

Mar 1, 2010
9:05 pm

#30 busybody :

Look! Laptop skants! Woot!

Rate this comment: +23

Mar 1, 2010
9:09 pm

#31 X Random Snarker X :

Hey… anyone else notice the lack of red thumbs?

Awwww fuck, now I jinxed it!

Rate this comment: +3

Mar 1, 2010
9:09 pm

#32 vicki :

This is actually a piece by the artist Becky Stern. http://geek-ware.blogspot.com/2008/04/laptop-privacy-sweater.html

Rate this comment: +19

Mar 1, 2010
9:22 pm

#33 Karmaeleon :

@ #9 Whawhawhatsis:

exactly what I thought… (well at first I thought the pattern might be available on ravelry, but it ain’t, I checked…)

If that request actually has bids, that particular knitter must have a very low self-esteem…

Rate this comment: +2

Mar 1, 2010
9:28 pm

#34 Monstrosa :

Ooh, it’s art that makes ya think about stuff. That’s nice and spiffy, but why would you want one for personal…oh, right. Whoever said porn sweater hit it.
As for Alchemy, #15 X Random Snarker X : I live in an apartment and don’t have access to a woodworking shop. It’s pretty handy to have someone else machine wood to my specs. So, it has it’s uses.

Porn sweater. Heh.

Rate this comment: +8

Mar 1, 2010
9:42 pm

#35 kitty :

I can just imagine myself going through the airport and seeing someone using their laptop privacy sweater. I would definitely take a picture with my phone and upload to facebook…instantly.

Rate this comment: +9

Mar 1, 2010
9:46 pm

#36 hautemom :

i think it is all awesomesauce. http://sternlab.org/2008/04/body-technology-interfaces/

Rate this comment: +6

Mar 1, 2010
9:46 pm

#37 X Random Snarker X :

I know, Monstrosa. Some times there are legitimate alchemy requests, it’s just sad though the amount of people who are like “Make me a Disney T-shirt for $5.00″, or requests for wholesale baby boutique items which cost less than $2 each. I don’t think that would even cover the materials for anything! Then of course there are the ones who are looking for a platinum ring with a flawless 2k diamond to be made for tomorrow, preferably in the neverland area for $8. Too much fuckery goin’ on…

Rate this comment: +11

Mar 1, 2010
9:47 pm

#38 Mahekun :

For those wondering exactly what this is, I can’t remember the exact name of it but it’s usually used for gaming, and the purpose of it is to keep out any outside distracting light and movement so you can be totally focused on the game. I can only imagine it being really hot and uncomfortable, though.

Rate this comment: +1

Mar 1, 2010
9:51 pm

#39 creepydolls :

2 thoughts came to mind.

A) My glasses would fog up if for some reason I wore this.

B) What if you sneeze?

Rate this comment: +27

Mar 1, 2010
10:01 pm

#40 uh huh :

oh man. it’s as if helen killer just read my mind. i was just wanting someone to start making fun of some of the ridiculous alchemy requests. this post made my day.

Rate this comment: +8

Mar 1, 2010
10:04 pm

#41 Vile & Evil Debbie Downer :

Terrible skants accident.

Rate this comment: +20

Mar 1, 2010
10:07 pm

#42 stickywu :

Okay, Becky Stern’s concept is hilarious.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/bekathwia/2881008926/

So are the comments:
haha…
my country is quite hot make a cotton one for me………..

whr the hell u get such crazy ideas from !!!!

Author,
http://www.shankee.com
June 30, 2009
Anonymous said…

I love this. I use every time I get coins from myself.
January 13, 2010
Anonymous said…

I make sure I wear fucking Nikes when I use!

Rate this comment: +4

Mar 1, 2010
10:45 pm

#43 brute :

I’ve seen this pic before too… and $50 is NOWHERE NEAR the compensation that the work would involve for this. I mean, besides the fact that this person actually wants one, which I won’t even address. What are they thinking? Learn to knit yourself asshole, then find out how much this costs.

Rate this comment: +13

Mar 1, 2010
10:48 pm

#44 brute :

I thought it was some concept art thing–it was all over the craft blogs a long time ago.

Rate this comment: +4

Mar 1, 2010
11:54 pm

#45 spinhandspun :

Spinhandspun reviewed Becky’s BTI’s a few weeks ago. More examples and info at: http://wp.me/pq2DY-jM

Her escapism concept is simultaneously intuitive and hilarious, but Brute’s right, $50 wouldn’t front materials + time.

Interesting aside from Sterlab/Spinhandspun post: “To encourage personal communication, Stern invites participants to design and sketch their own Body Technology Interface with her. These designs are then packaged as a kit containing parts and assembly instructions…

Rate this comment: +5

Mar 2, 2010
12:24 am

#46 mtopia :

So I can knit. I am currently knitting a cardigan for a baby, and the yarn and tiny needles cost more than 50$, and it is just for an infant.

Also, I remember feeling almost claustrophobic getting my head stuck in a too-tight sweater once as a child. This seems like the sort of thing that would bring back that “is the inside of this sweater the last thing I will ever see?” feeling.

Rate this comment: +30

Mar 2, 2010
12:47 am

#47 snarkeygirl :

OMG mtopia! I got trapped in a polyesther turtleneck as a child, and was afraid of them for many years afterward!
This thing looks well-made, and is pretty cool as an art piece, but I would not want one at any price. And Re: the link where someone asked how one would breathe in there… It was spelled “breath”, which makes me INSANE! ! ! Breathe, breathe, breathe!!! With an E, dammit!

Rate this comment: +11

Mar 2, 2010
1:56 am

#48 Patty has abducted an Australian :

So the one day where I’m away from a computer and unable to enjoy this, three new and awesome things get the fuckery treatment without me.

On the brighter side, my Australian arrived on time and unscathed from his trip from the other side of the planet.

Now about this sweater- when I surf the ‘net, I tend to get chilly, but since I don’t have an elephant’s trunk, this would be of little use to me.

Rate this comment: +9

Mar 2, 2010
3:16 am

#49 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

but how does she breathe?

Rate this comment: +3

Mar 2, 2010
4:06 am

#50 StinkBait :

This ladies is how you would get your purse and/or bookbag stolen if you sat them next to you in a public place.

“Gee officer I was just sitting here on my laptop and someone walked by and took my purse with $2000.00 in it! I have no idea how I missed that!”

I know what you are thinking. Who keeps 2 grand in their purse? You would be surprised.

Rate this comment: +12

Mar 2, 2010
4:37 am

#51 bekathwia :

Hey all, that’s my artwork in that Alchemy request, you can read more about it here: http://sternlab.org/2008/04/body-technology-interfaces/

Rate this comment: +14

Mar 2, 2010
5:04 am

#52 mustachio :

ughhhh…this person lives in a suburb near me. i don’t know what i’d do if i saw this at Caribou Coffee.

Rate this comment: +6

Mar 2, 2010
5:11 am

#53 starrydreams :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -3

Mar 2, 2010
5:37 am

#54 voxwoman :

Hilarious on all levels, and the price tag is on par with the graphic design and logo requests I see on alchemy.

Rate this comment: +4

Mar 2, 2010
5:41 am

#55 Wilma Fingerdoo :

First thought when I saw this- why not just use a privacy blanket like the one I used for breastfeeding in public?

Second thought- why not make a cover for the laptop to resemble baby legs sticking out of the privacy blanket. You would most definitely get people to look away plus many “interesting” comments. That’s what I would do with the 50 bucks.

Rate this comment: +14

Mar 2, 2010
5:50 am

#56 HelenaHandbasket :

Whatever her covert purpose, this’d SURELY be the way to be inconspicuous about it!

Um, not to grab anyone’s pot ‘o gold, but, couldn’t you just use a regular cowl neck sweater and slip the laptop into the bottom, tucking under the skants hole?

Rate this comment: +9

Mar 2, 2010
6:17 am

#57 whimsicalisthenics :

I think everyone’s missed the mark here. Clearly this alchemy request is from a Regretsy fan who doesn’t want to go home to open the NSFW posts.

Rate this comment: +8

Mar 2, 2010
6:26 am

#58 madamedefarge :

Why not stick a turtleneck over your head and call it a day.

Rate this comment: +8

Mar 2, 2010
6:27 am

#59 Lola :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -4

Mar 2, 2010
6:29 am

#60 Dix :

What the F*CK??

So you can be itchy, get static hair, and not be able to see your computer screen in the dark, all while looking like a Dr. Seuss character gone very, very, wrong.

Never mind that there’s no way in Hell I’d do that much knitting + cost of materials for fifty bucks.

Rate this comment: +9

Mar 2, 2010
6:50 am

#61 Chrisnyc1213 :

Oh, just imagine this woman’s joy when she uses her brand new Laptop Cozy. She gets the laptop in there, pokes her head through the opening and then realizes there is nowhere for her bad breath to go.

Rate this comment: +5

Mar 2, 2010
7:22 am

#62 Snark-o-leptic Cesar :

I think that was inspired by A Clockwork Orange.

Rate this comment: -1

Mar 2, 2010
7:50 am

#63 bohemeanne :

#21 I guess by beltching up that garlic pizza from lunch!

Rate this comment: -2

Mar 2, 2010
7:52 am

#64 biggles5 :

#36 hautemom: that ski mask for eating a sandwich is amazing!

Rate this comment: +5

Mar 2, 2010
7:54 am

#65 Skully :

@#1 Turnaround: Exactly, it looks like The Tunnel of Self-Love.

Rate this comment: +12

Mar 2, 2010
7:56 am

#66 Kimmer-G :

I think that’s the silliest thing I’ve ever seen.

Rate this comment: +4

Mar 2, 2010
7:59 am

#67 twatsupcock :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -5

Mar 2, 2010
8:11 am

#68 twatsupcock :

Oh, and I’m thinking. . . maybe we should do a contest similar to the skant contest. Who knew sweaters could be so many things???

Rate this comment: +6

Mar 2, 2010
8:13 am

#69 cratz :

#32 vicki, and #36 hautemom — you got it. It’s intentionally bizarre ART for laughs. I likes it.

http://spinhandspun.wordpress.com/2010/01/28/becky-sterns-body-technology-interfaces/

Rate this comment: +3

Mar 2, 2010
8:18 am

#70 SqueakyToyofDeath :

So. much. WIN.

Rate this comment: -1

Mar 2, 2010
9:17 am

#71 voxwoman :

OK… this scarf is completely awesome, and if I could afford one I’d buy it. Yes I admit I am a Geek of great magnitude.

http://sternlab.org/2010/02/emission-spectra-scarves/

Rate this comment: +4

Mar 2, 2010
9:43 am

#72 jackie31337 :

On a bit of a tangent, can anyone recommend places to find patterns for strange or unusual knitting projects? I’m a beginning to intermediate knitter, and I’m getting tired of just making hats and scarves. I’d like to try making something really weird.

Rate this comment: 0

Mar 2, 2010
9:51 am

#73 aen13 :

problems with this thing;

The person making the alchemy request stole the image (the artist does sell things on etsy, not this as it was an art project, and does do custom stuff so the requester either contacted her and got turned down for wanting to pay only 50$ OR laughed at for taking it seriously and wanting to USE one.)

she thinks this would cost 50$
and
she doesn’t get the point of the original artwork

Rate this comment: +9

Mar 2, 2010
9:53 am

#74 aen13 :

BTW the artist sells on etsy, conductive thread and embroidery kits for making samplers that use LED’s to light up design elements in them (A frog with two fireflies lit up over its lily pad was the one I saw pics of) and necklaces and patches and such.

she does not sell these. (at least not on etsy and I am guessing not for 50$ anywhere.)

Rate this comment: +9

Mar 2, 2010
11:08 am

#75 SuperSnark :

Alchemy totally sucks, so do custom item requests, I acutally had someone ask me to recreate a pillow and the image had a watermark and copyright in the link they sent-sorry copyright infringement dumbass!

There got to be alot more “gold” in alchemy for regretsy fun!!!!!

as for this request, I guess this is how you hide your shame as you sit in a small local coffee shop weezing the free Wi Fi without even ordering a freakin cup of coffee!

Rate this comment: +4

Mar 2, 2010
12:19 pm

#76 FootofCanal :

71 voxwoman :

OMG I SO WANT THOSE! My inner nerd is trying to buy them with a maxed out credit card as I type this.

Rate this comment: +4

Mar 2, 2010
12:41 pm

#77 bekathwia :

#74, you’ve hit the nail on the head. I don’t sell these on Etsy, since they’re part of art project and not meant to be used practically. It /would/ overheat your laptop, and it’s actually not super easy to see the screen from inside, what with the sagging and shifting and all. As for #72, I did make an Instructable that outlines this object’s creation (the head part is kinda like turning the heel on a sock), so check that out! http://www.instructables.com/id/Laptop-Compubody-Sock/

Rate this comment: +15

Mar 2, 2010
1:55 pm

#78 brute :

Bekathwia, you definitely deserve kudos for your work

Rate this comment: +8

Mar 2, 2010
2:03 pm

#79 aen13 :

#77 and agreeing with 78

I LOVE the frog sampler btw

and <3 the neckleace

Rate this comment: +3

Mar 2, 2010
2:22 pm

#80 tehnightninja :

Hey Everyone. I’m the person who did the alchemy request.

1. First off, I’m a fucking GUY. Stop calling me she. Christ.
2. I think this thing is awesome, and I’ve been wanting one for years. Don’t hate.
3. Props to Bekathwia for the original concept / design. Sorry for stealing your picture.
4. Yes, MANY people have put up bids for it, and I am indeed getting it for $50, though after reading your comments, I may give her a pretty large tip considering the estimated effort…

Rate this comment: +2

Mar 2, 2010
2:43 pm

#81 geektastic :

Hey tehnightninja, we’re the people making fun of your request for our amusement.
1. The pic you used is a fucking GIRL.
2. You must have a hell of a laptop cooler. And like attention. And heat stroke.
3. Yes, and you should be sorry. Next time ask first, I bet she would’ve said yes. At least give attribution.
4. You ought to verify what the content of the yarn is before she starts it. That much yarn for that cheap is more than likely at least part synthetic=hot and scratchy,…

Rate this comment: +11

Mar 2, 2010
2:44 pm

#82 Crossed Promise :

So funny. I can’t imagine wanting something like this. I get hot having my laptop on my lap… let alone while being facially molested by a sweater.
Also, #80, the beauty of the internet is this thing called anonymity. If your alchemy post said ” I have male genitals BTW I want a laptop sweater” I would understand your ire. It’s not the fault of the Regretsy readership that society tends to label “Crafters” as synonymous with “Women”.
As it is, props on your copyright infringement.

Rate this comment: +7

Mar 2, 2010
2:44 pm

#83 geektastic :

cont’d: and may melt onto your laptop.

Enjoy!

(damn thing said it all fit)

Rate this comment: +3

Mar 2, 2010
2:48 pm

#84 Crossed Promise :

Delicious melted acrylic…

Rate this comment: +5

Mar 2, 2010
3:02 pm

#85 tehnightninja :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -8

Mar 2, 2010
3:13 pm

#86 tehnightninja :

This is actually a pretty hilarious site. Thanks for the melting hazard crap everyone. I’ll be sure to remember that as my pants set on fire.

Rate this comment: +1

Mar 2, 2010
3:27 pm

#87 Skully :

Tech Night Ninja: Seriously, this is for looking at porn on library computers, right? Please tell me I’m not the only one banned from several local libraries.

Rate this comment: +5

Mar 2, 2010
3:32 pm

#88 tehnightninja :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -5

Mar 2, 2010
6:56 pm

#89 geektastic :

Why Skully, I’m shocked…shocked…an upstanding member of the community such as yourself…

*heh*heh*heh* i said member *heh*heh*heh*

Rate this comment: +4

Mar 2, 2010
9:08 pm

#90 priceless :

Man, I love this site. Seriously. Humour. Brawls. Drama. This place has it all. Effing deserves an Oscar Nomination!

Rate this comment: +5

Mar 2, 2010
9:45 pm

#91 Bratfink :

I crochet and I was once on a mailing list for crocheters. Some person on the list found a knitting pattern she liked and requested someone who would ‘convert’ the knitting pattern to crochet for her so she could make one for herself.

I wrote her privately and told her that she had a lot of freaken nerve to ask someone to do something that is 1) time-consuming and 2) not always possible for 3) free.

I told her to learn how to knit, because she was a nitwit.

Yes, I’m a bitch…

Rate this comment: -2

Mar 2, 2010
10:53 pm

#92 clitty's got claws :

I like this piece as a piece of concept art, but seriously, how would you go about actually using one of these things without getting seriously annoyed or passing out from lack of oxygen or from the heat?

Rate this comment: +4

Mar 3, 2010
1:08 am

#93 hamoza :

Dude, you’re whack.This might be okay if you lived in the Arctic. Spend enough time in this Italian wool tent, you’re gonna’ be growing mold in there.Just sayin’

If you’re wearing skants with it tho’ ,at least you’ll have a breeze somewhere.

Rate this comment: +4

Mar 3, 2010
5:27 am

#94 HelenaHandbasket :

#80 I doubt you’re much of a Fucking Guy at all. More of a Needing-the-self-love-sweater-so-you-can-whack-it-in-the-computer-lab Guy.

Rate this comment: +4

Mar 4, 2010
11:40 am

#95 PussDaddy :

This is the stupidest looking thing I have ever seen.

Rate this comment: -2

Mar 4, 2010
12:06 pm

#96 TooManyCookbooks :

Ah, that sweater. It’s like How to Get Mugged 101.

Rate this comment: +1

Mar 7, 2010
3:29 am

#97 JustJon :

lol! that’s brilliant. It looks like her brain is being eaten by the Once-ler from the Lorax.

Rate this comment: +2

Apr 7, 2010
10:57 am

#98 Brandex :

Trapper Keeper, absorb!

Rate this comment: 0