“Uneasy lies the head that wears the brown.” – King Smear

Jesus Christ, the guy’s been dead 9 months and he’s still all over your kid.

As you know, the Regretsy Book comes out on April 6. Look for it right in the front of the store, where they’ll be using it to keep a table from wobbling.

To celebrate, we asked you to design a cover to go over your copy of the book; protecting your literary investment from pet dander, harmful pesticides and the prying eyes of strangers. And boy, did you come through!

It wasn’t easy to choose from the dizzying selection of fuckery you people churned out, but it had to be done. Ten winners, including three grand prize winners, presented here for your amusement, wonder and downloading.

If you’d like to print out any of these covers, you’ll need to ask for 16 x 20 paper, which you can get at Kinko’s.

THE WINNERS

All winners will get a free signed copy of the Regretsy book, unless they’d like something more valuable, in which case I’ll just send the envelope.

Click on the images to see larger versions. Some of the detail in these things is unbelievable.

10. SMOLDERING REGRETSY by Vile & Evil Debbie Downer

9. THE WHAT THE HELL BOOK COVER by Nikki C.

“This is my entry, in my fabulous craptastic cartoon style. It’s totally hand- drawn and coloured using Photoshop, and my amazing level 4 ‘shopping skills. And there’s the added bonus of the haiku on the back.”

Click here to view/download full-sized cover

8. FUCKERY STORIES by Charles

Click here to view/download full-sized cover

7. HAIRBALL by Raz

Click here to view/download full-sized cover

6. INTELLECTSY by Dawson

“For that individual striving to look a bit more intellectual as they carry around their copy of the Regretsy book.”

Click here to view/download full-sized cover

5. A PAINFULLY WHIMSICLE TALE by Claire

Click here to view/download full-sized cover

4. A MILLION LITTLE WTF’S by Sarah

Click here to view/download full-sized cover

3rd PLACE

RED AND BLACK by Laura

The 3rd place winner gets a signed copy of the Regretsy book, and a $25 gift card for Michael’s arts and crafts store.

And the winner is . . .

Click here to view/download full-sized cover

2nd PLACE

The 2nd place winner gets a signed copy of the Regretsy book, and a $50 gift card for Michael’s arts and crafts store.

And the winner is . . .

RxGretsy by IscreamUScream and Sudabaki

Click for larger image

Click here to view/download full-sized cover

I can’t believe how fabulous this is. Make sure you view the full-sized image to see the details. Because we’re talking about the Dalai Lama, hitting the Etsy pipe with a golden poo hat on his head.

1st PLACE

The 1st place winner gets a copy of the Regretsy book, a $100 gift card from Michael’s and . . . THE FAMOUS CAPPY SUE REGRETSY TROPHY!

And the winner is . . .

PARADE OF WHIMSICAL FUCKERY by Butterwort

Click for larger image

Click here to view/download full-sized cover

I can’t believe how much wonderful fuckery is in this piece. Everything from Cosmic Yak, to the horse with paintbrush in his mouth to the girl on the tricycle with the sequined face-mask. Please do yourself a favor and click to view the whole image, even if you don’t want to download it.

IF YOU ARE A WINNER . . .

Send me an email with your name, mailing address and number/name of your winning entry. Also let me know if you want your book signed, and if so, if you want it signed to anyone in particular.

Congratulations to all the winners, and many thanks to everyone who entered!