You’ll find the answers at whatisreality.info, provided your questions are “WHAT”, “WTF” and “WHAT IS THIS I DON’T EVEN”.

Well, pinch my tits and call me “Phyllis”!

We have a metric shit ton of email today, so let’s stop whacking our thighs together and get right into the fuckery – now, while we can all still stand each other.

First up, a fantastic bit of fuckery from the Designer Shoe Warehouse, sent in by an eagle-eyed reader.

I’d like to believe that we had something to do with this.

I ‘d like to think we’re spreading our infectious brand of assholery like some kind of comedy Hanta Virus; commenting on the culture until we become the culture, in a sort of post-modern, recursive clusterfuck.

But it’s more likely that the person who put this together was just stupid, or hitting the Etsy pipe. 420!

Two separate readers found these labels in two different coats in two different stores.

(Kohls)

(Burlington Coat Factory)

WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW

From: Kaitlin
Subject: Lady Gaga Doll
Date: February 22, 2010 1:07 PM PST

Here is the crocheted Lady Gaga doll with the lovely Miss Coco-Puff Eyesli Star (right), the owner of said doll, and her bosom companion Miss Dominique D’Amour (left)! Enjoy the drag fabulousness!

I love these two. And I love to see things find their rightful owners. This is the best email ever.

From: Lynn
Subject: I bought the clown gumball head!
Date: Tue, Feb 2, 2010 6:41 PM PST

My sister received her gumball clown. She was suitably horrified.

There was a lovely element of mystery and surprise, since she unpacked it upside down and saw only the gumballs at first. Then she saw the clown head. The seller offered personalization, so I sent it to my sister from my toddler daughter so she can’t throw it out.

BTW, the seller was SO nice, sweet and thoughtful. She clearly cares about what she does, so I left her very positive feedback.

From: The future vidas hotmail
Subject: Regretsy
Date: February 11, 2010 5:03 PM PST

I wonder how you sleep each night knowing that what you bring to the world brings pain to others. How sad that you take something that brings joy to the person making the “art” and work to make that person feel small over it. I feel sorry for you and all of the other mean-commenting folks on your site. Do your art and let others do theirs without ridicule. I wish you peace in your life.

-Tracy

Thank you Tracy, not only for this email, but for putting the word “art” in quotes. – HK

From: Justin
Subject: This was in our university’s art gallery
Date: February 23, 2010 7:18 AM PST

This was in an illustration show at my university. I saw it and immediately thought of Regretsy. It is (in)appropriately titled “Tender Morsels.” Enjoy!

From: Leahfu
Subject: Cut-Out Cat
Date: January 30, 2010 3:06:45 PM PST

I was watching Julia and Jacques Cooking at Home and saw this. I know it’s not THE cat, but still.

And perhaps my favorite piece of mail this year, from Cappy Sue, whose Penis Obsession painting was featured here yesterday:

From: Cappy Sue
Subject: I see you found my penis
Date: February 22, 2010 8:43 PM PST

This is why Cappy is my hero. And by the way, Cappy Sue is featured in the Regretsy book.

UPDATE: PENIS OBSESSION IS SOLD!

It doesn’t like soup, it’s not a person. It’s not even a bracelet. it’s some plumbing part your husband had lying around, and you glued a bunch of shit on it. Is this what you do while he’s out snaking drains? For God’s sake, get off of Etsy and make some dinner.