Medical Update
I had some minor stomach surgery on Friday, but when they got me up on the rack they found something else that was shot to hell. So I got two surgeries at once, which was pretty exciting.
Then yesterday I had some complications and had to go back to the hospital, but they fixed me up pretty quickly and I didn’t have to stay overnight.
So now it’s just Law and Order and painkillers, just like every other Sunday.
Thanks for all your nice emails. Regretsy will be back to its usual lowbrow fuckery tomorrow.
February 28, 2010 at 12:52 pm
Heal quickly! I’ll drink a beer for you.
February 28, 2010 at 12:55 pm
Hope you’re on the mend and enjoying those painkillers! Law and Order heals all wounds.
February 28, 2010 at 12:56 pm
I’m glad you’re doing all right. Enjoy your drugs. Maybe we’ll meet up on the other side of our individual trips. I hope you got something from the “Oxy” family. They treated me well after my knee replacement surgery last year.
February 28, 2010 at 12:56 pm
So glad to hear the surgery didn’t leave you retarded!!
Enjoy the drugs…
February 28, 2010 at 12:57 pm
<3
February 28, 2010 at 1:13 pm
“Lowbrow”? It’s middlebrow, at least.
And, as a medical professional, I can attest that L&O reruns have the equivalent healing power of a bowl of Bubbe’s chicken soup, so let the healing commence – chung CHUNG.
February 28, 2010 at 1:23 pm
I use netflix online to watch my craving of law and order.
SVU is perfect for breakups with murdered love revenge etc. etc. haha…not saying you should DO SUCH a thing…
February 28, 2010 at 1:23 pm
btw I love coming on here just to read the comments.
They are beyond EPIC
February 28, 2010 at 1:43 pm
Take it easy, enjoy your medicated/Law and Order Sunday R&R
February 28, 2010 at 1:47 pm
Wow, you are either really drugged or really wiped. I don’t detect any traces of snark. Please recover quickly, your snark is like oxygen.
February 28, 2010 at 1:51 pm
Get well quick. And make them stop – no good going back and forth – too much time at the admissions desk — let them fix it right the first time. Meanwhile, amidst Internet fuckery, the Google advertising autobot picked over your post and inserted a hernia surgery ad. “End the worry,” it says. It’s more or less vice-versa, as far I as I remember.
February 28, 2010 at 2:14 pm
As my grandfather would say …
“Keep Your Pecker Up”
… but he was a Canadian … and I don’t think he meant what it sounds like.
BTW … whassah mattah with that Google Bot …. he’s got no respeck atall …. a “Hernia” ad ferheavenssake!
February 28, 2010 at 2:18 pm
You obviously busted your gut laughing at all the shit you post on here. Occupational hazard, I guess.
Feel better soon!
February 28, 2010 at 2:27 pm
Damn, I’ve been away too long. I hope you are feeling better soon!
February 28, 2010 at 2:28 pm
PS: Am I the only one who DOESN’T care for Law & Order? Sam Waterston just rubs me the wrong way (eeew). I used to watch a bit of SVU sometimes, though.
February 28, 2010 at 2:32 pm
Get better really quick because I have a new addiction. Also may I recommend: The Ghost Whisperer. It is on almost every channel and it’s good sport to count the cleavage shots.
February 28, 2010 at 3:19 pm
Get well soon. In the meantime, I guess I’ll just have to enjoy my most recent issue of Wall-Eyed Wank.
February 28, 2010 at 3:31 pm
I hope they didnt fiddle with your fuckery gland.
Get well soon!!!!! we love yooooooooooooooooooooooo!
February 28, 2010 at 3:32 pm
Is that guy there the one that operated on you?
February 28, 2010 at 3:41 pm
So glad you’re feeling better!Fuckery is considerably less whimsicle without you .Thank the dolly llama lobotomies went out a few decades back, y’know what they did to many brilliant people back then-they made retards outta’ them!
February 28, 2010 at 3:46 pm
Welcome back, Killer
February 28, 2010 at 3:49 pm
It’s hard to stomach some of the regrettable crap, huh?
I’m grateful for the fuckery, which ain’t lowbrow – nah, it’s unibrow.
Heal quickly!
February 28, 2010 at 3:52 pm
Your surgery sounds like what happens to me every time I go to an auto mechanic. Especially the part about “complications” and having to go back.
Hope you feel better soon.
February 28, 2010 at 3:54 pm
I knew you were enjoying the drugs…had to go back for more! Glad you are back with us. Now get on with the fuckery….
February 28, 2010 at 3:55 pm
As I type this I can here the screamings and honking of excited Canadian hockey fans. This is one of the few times that I could run around the streets screaming and not be noticed, however, I forewent the olympic cacophony in favour of wishing you a speedy, Law & Order-fueled recovery!
@#14 I prefer Matlock personally! That Andy and his wholesome detective skillz!
February 28, 2010 at 4:04 pm
feel better!
there’s always a law and order on some channel, so you should be set!
February 28, 2010 at 4:16 pm
Glad to hear you are on the mend. I’d like to thank you for helping me pee my pants on a regular basis through a shitty pregnancy and now Strep throat. Here’s to pain killers! Cheers!
February 28, 2010 at 4:17 pm
Feel better. And don’t waste this opportunity. While you’re on those heavy narcotics, shit around with some ideas of crap to sell on Etsy. I’m guessing “on drugs” is an excuse for many sellers, but it always seems to sell.
February 28, 2010 at 4:28 pm
did they take out your gall bladder? if so you should sell it on etsy – it’s more handmade than the damn peter pan dvd.
February 28, 2010 at 4:37 pm
Those lap band surgeries can be hell. But yay for you scoring the drugs, I just hope someone removed the sharpies and mugs before you came home.
February 28, 2010 at 4:40 pm
I hope you didn’t lose any gall. Its the gall that I like about the gal.
February 28, 2010 at 4:40 pm
Take care Helen!!!
Two for one surgery couldn’t have been fun!
Have a good night. Looking forward to the snark tomorrow!
February 28, 2010 at 4:47 pm
CSI Miami looks SOOO pretty with painkillers. I had a dental implant at Christmas and I was astonished at just how much my visual enjoyment of CSI increased due to the enhancemnt of Vicodin.
February 28, 2010 at 4:47 pm
Whatever they did to you, as long as they didn’t do a humorectomy or a whimsiclectomy, you’ll be fine, I’m sure. In the meantime, take your drugs as prescribed, let other people take care of you till you feel better, and don’t worry about us — we can snark just fine until you feel well enough to rejoin us!
February 28, 2010 at 4:58 pm
I must recommend watching “The Hangover”, but make sure it’s the unrated version. Boneheads cut 8 minutes of dialogue from the theatrical release! I thought it funny as hell, but on painkillers…Damn, I’m jealous.
February 28, 2010 at 5:15 pm
Have you ever watched Law & Order…. On painkillers?
Bwa ha ha ha… Just now thought to use the Half Baked referance!
Have you ever crafted… On weed?
lol!!!
February 28, 2010 at 5:59 pm
Thumbs down…on wishing HK well? Feh.
February 28, 2010 at 6:13 pm
Glad you’re back and on the mend! get better!!
February 28, 2010 at 7:20 pm
If you get tired of L&O you can also watch all those real life murder mystery shows on ID (Investigation Discovery). They’re on all day/night long.
February 28, 2010 at 7:29 pm
Well, golly, since this is kind of a serious moment, take care of yourself, enjoy the meds, heal quickly. Thank you so very much for the tremendous laughter you have brought into my life.
Whoa. . . way too sentimental. . .
Hurry and get back to the fuckery!!!!!!!!
Love you, mean it!
February 28, 2010 at 8:29 pm
enjoy the drugs and get better soon!!!
February 28, 2010 at 8:42 pm
Oh…and those who came here solely to red-thumb well-wishers.
I do hope you’re getting proper ‘medical’ care too.
February 28, 2010 at 8:55 pm
Feel bettah!
::sends chicken soup and stuff::
February 28, 2010 at 8:59 pm
Glad to hear that you’re out of the hospital and at home! Take care of yourself and don’t do anything for yourself, have other people take care of your needs
Here’s hoping for a speedy recovery!
#15 aroseisarose, I could care less about any of the Law and Order shows, I’m more about the CSIs, Criminal Minds, and Numbers.
February 28, 2010 at 10:26 pm
Was this a 2fer deal- like purchase a minor stomach surgery and get a second, unexpected one for free? My experience is is that if you don’t bring your coupon, the insurance company is going to charge for both of them. They’re bastards, you know.
Hope all is well.
And if they gave you Vicodin, I really hope that you don’t get constipated. The stories I could tell, Lordy.
March 1, 2010 at 12:30 am
April, in retrospect to what whaapplewha said, you should keep some Miralax or Milk of Magnesia on hand just in case you DO get constipated from the medication. Having it happen sucks enough, but it could do some serious damage to you especially since you just had a stomach and hernia operation. Take care!
(BTW, this post was in total seriousness;) )
March 1, 2010 at 12:40 am
Sometimes I go back just for that IV hit too.
March 1, 2010 at 12:57 am
In all seriassness now, I do hope they did not leave any grub on yah and get yah all infected. If you got staples I hope you heal well and are not having to heal from the inside out.
I toast my Percocet, Flexerol and Valium to you. From one fucked up mess to another. Here’s to healing.
March 1, 2010 at 1:31 am
The thumbs-downery on this topic is so weirdly excessive (seriously people….it’s post-surgery well-wishing), it’s leading me to take future thumbs-downery less seriously.
Oh wait, I never took any of it seriously.
Never mind.
March 1, 2010 at 2:22 am
#48 Recovering Crack Baby : Woohoo! We’re kind of in the same boat! I take 30mg oxycodone every 4 hours, klonopin twice a day, neurontin, nebumetone, lexapro, and on occassion, seroquil. Hehe…nice to know that there are people in the boat with me sometimes, lol.
March 1, 2010 at 4:47 am
Enjoy the good drugs, eat comfort food and get better soon!
March 1, 2010 at 5:17 am
what’s with the thumbs down? thumbs down this-babies, puppies and the usa!
March 1, 2010 at 5:18 am
oops-forget that usa and put in the flag
March 1, 2010 at 5:59 am
I heard this was an assassination attempt by some retard.
March 1, 2010 at 6:33 am
I had outpatient surgery that ended up in me spending the night Thursday, so I’m there with ya. Hope your recovery goes swiftly (don’t forget to take your meds!).
March 1, 2010 at 7:18 am
Wow, a bunch of us are a drugged-up mess! I’m toasting with my Oxycontin, Vicodin, Skelaxin, and a few other odds and ends, too. Whee! Oh, wait. I don’t take them for fun. Well, crap.
Seriously, the best thing in the world for constipation–gross as it is–is warmed-up prune juice. {shudder} Hold your nose and choke it down if you must, but it’ll cure what ails you, guaranteed. Seriously.
And for our thumb-downer? A whole bottle of prune juice, cause you’re full of shit!
March 1, 2010 at 7:48 am
You don’t want to watch anything as funny as the Hangover with abdominal surgery- too painful. Just something mellow to ride the wave of vicodin happiness. Get better soon!
March 1, 2010 at 7:52 am
Meaning only the highest of esteem and respect Ann/Helen/April: WHY, and for only you, when I read your explanatory update, do I think you got some of that cosmetic surgery on your lady bits? Much love and regard, now get lucid and back to the FBR fuckery!
March 1, 2010 at 8:26 am
Get better soon. Hope you have the stomach for the new fuckery that abounds.
March 1, 2010 at 9:07 am
Wow, 2 for 1! Was that an advertised special, or with a coupon? Did that Etsy bacon jack you up?
Take care, HK/AW, together we well.
March 1, 2010 at 9:10 am
Feel better soon!
You’ve got a sympathetic ear with me, I just had surgery also (early last week). Beware the effects of the anesthesia and painkillers have on your intestinal system!
I recommend fluid, fiber, and prune juice. Sorry if that’s TMI, but I didn’t want you to experience the same kind of regretsies I did! ;P
March 1, 2010 at 10:14 am
chung chung! in the criminal regretsy system offenders are dealt with by two separate parts: Helen Killer who brings the offenders to public attention, and the commenters who rip them into whimsicle shreds. these are their stories.
March 1, 2010 at 11:28 am
Healing thoughts to you after your stomach fuckery! {{{Helen}}}
March 1, 2010 at 11:29 am
Good to hear that you’re home and able to watch Law & Order. I bet the medication makes every show 10x better.
Seconding people above who say fluids, fluids, fluids. And lots of fruit.
Feel better soon, oh queen of snark.
March 1, 2010 at 11:41 am
Now that my sweetie’s recovering from heart surgery, he’s been watching L&O. He never did before. I think the drugs MAKE you want to watch it. (I still don’t, but then, I’m allergic to codeine.)
Best wishes to you, HK. Hope you soon feel better than ever!
March 1, 2010 at 11:51 am
Regretsy is mentioned in this LA Times article about Etsy.
The article says:”A popular site, Etsy has also attracted spoofs such as a Sherman Oaks site Regretsy that makes light of some of its offerings.”
http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-smallbiz-crafts1-2010mar01,0,7104482.story
I know the thumbs down crowd from Etsy must love the honorable mention!
March 1, 2010 at 12:30 pm
#62 lamarmota : that is the funniest shit i have read in a long fucking time.
March 1, 2010 at 3:42 pm
Take care of yourself and get nice and drowsy on the drugs
March 1, 2010 at 6:38 pm
Uh – easy with that prune juice Helen – we wouldn’t want one of your BM’s featured.
March 1, 2010 at 7:06 pm
It’s been way too long since I’ve been here- had no idea- best wishes to get well and stay well.
March 2, 2010 at 5:15 pm
My mom had surgery recently too so we’ve all be taking care of her. She got a hysterectomy, so I’m planning on crocheting a fake uterus for her. Want me to crochet any fake organs related to your surgery to make you feel better?
March 4, 2010 at 11:47 am
I hope you get all better soon.
March 5, 2010 at 1:36 am
#56 Whawhawhatsis, and when she’s drank all the prune juice, she can always wash out the bottle and make herself a hat!
Hope you’re healing well HK