10 Things on Etsy That Look Like Turds
10. WI-FIDO
This looks like something you found under your desk when Make it Work came over to hook up your router.
9. SHOUT IT OUT
It’s more of a shart than a scarf.
8. STAY OUT OF MY BEADS
That damn cat is going to kill herself one of these days.
7. $85 CHOCOLATE NECKLACE
I guess the groom is supposed to eat them right off your neck. Hopefully it’s not an outdoor wedding.
6. CALL THE DOCTOR
I think she should rename these Hepatitis Drops.
5. LORENZO’S COIL
Coincidentally, “Smooth Cherry Cordial” is also a new Metamucil flavor.
4. HAPPY EASTER
Here comes Peter’s Diaper Pail!
3. DANGLEBERRIES
“Travelers would stack cairns, or piles of stones on trails to let others know the way, so put on these earrings and lead the way! “
2. OW OW OW
Well, maybe if you ate something other than Taco Bell every once in a while, you wouldn’t have these problems.
AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT LOOKS LIKE A TURD IS . . .
1. I’M NOT PICKING THAT UP
Why do they always do it when you don’t have a plastic bag?
February 25, 2010 at 4:33 pm
Wow – handmade poop is pretty pricey!
February 25, 2010 at 4:34 pm
Geez , my cats are better artists.
February 25, 2010 at 4:39 pm
Oh my, I was hoping there were no edibles in the bunch.
The horseshit, I mean horsehair necklace is truly a thing of wonder , if you like your poop dredlocked.
Never visit regretsy before din din again….
February 25, 2010 at 4:40 pm
Why stop at 10? Oh yeah, because the list could go on infinitely…
February 25, 2010 at 4:41 pm
#4 just gets a huge facepalm from me for numerous reasons.
February 25, 2010 at 4:41 pm
#4 DucksNew : You are not shittin us at all- infinity for sure
February 25, 2010 at 4:41 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 25, 2010 at 4:42 pm
Helen this is some funny shit- lovey it.
February 25, 2010 at 4:43 pm
Is it a special honor to be #2 on a list of poop?
February 25, 2010 at 4:43 pm
Wait wait wait. $85 for a necklace that doesn’t even fucking LAST?! WTF is this person on and where can I get some?
February 25, 2010 at 4:43 pm
Don’t people instinctively look after a shit? How could you not know.
February 25, 2010 at 4:45 pm
I am guessing number 7 has never had a dog with a furry behind like my Sheltie.
February 25, 2010 at 4:48 pm
uh oh- don’t let betty machete see this post…notice that item # 4 is regretsy’s very own “hidden due to low comment rating” (aka “hidden due to low comment rating 2)
i guess she finally got her wish of being on regretsy, seeing as she has been pushing that giant decoupaged head for the past week or so…LOL
February 25, 2010 at 4:49 pm
I had some yarn listed at one time that looked just like a bowl full of shit. I wanted to name it “Turds”.
February 25, 2010 at 4:51 pm
The good thing about #4 is that we know it will later be used to make more Regretsy-worthy merchandise.
… and isn’t it a noodle-scratcher that The White Tree of Gondor is brown?…
February 25, 2010 at 4:52 pm
You ever look at something and think “This is going to stink if I get caught in the rain”?
Me either. Until I saw this.
February 25, 2010 at 4:53 pm
And #6, Hepatitis Drops… I laughed so hard, I almost crafted in my pants.
February 25, 2010 at 4:58 pm
For number 2 (heh heh, number 2) I would make my way to Middle Earth, forge Anduril from the shards of Narsil, travel the Dimholt road to summon the ghost army of Dunharrow to help me fight my way to Mordor just so I could throw that shit into the depths of Mount Doom.
February 25, 2010 at 4:58 pm
I know about getting more fibre in your diet, but half of this stuff looks like the “fibre” came from other regretsy listings.
That fucking awful scarf being one of them.
February 25, 2010 at 4:59 pm
oh and congratulations hidden.
Hopefully this will shut you the fuck up about that head now.
February 25, 2010 at 5:01 pm
Fecalicious!
#1 & #2 look like they’d really hurt passing through.
February 25, 2010 at 5:09 pm
#20 sourkiwi : oh and congratulations hidden.
Hopefully this will shut you the fuck up about that head now.
I would like to nominate this for Regretsy Comment of the day, month and year. Thank You Very Much.
February 25, 2010 at 5:11 pm
Holy crap those ‘drop’ cookies , # 6 are the butt ugliest anemic things i’ve ever seen.
February 25, 2010 at 5:15 pm
Well congratulations hidden, you infamy is immortalized in turd balls. How appropriate.
February 25, 2010 at 5:16 pm
The universality of poop has me wondering if these sellers actually look at their final product?!
February 25, 2010 at 5:21 pm
Never thought I’d see the day when the shitty offerings on Regretsy made the Soapyho’s corn poop soap look like spun gold.
February 25, 2010 at 5:23 pm
I want to offer kudos to hidden as well.
Maybe when the hospital gives her computer time, she will accept all of our kind wishes.
February 25, 2010 at 5:26 pm
Why oh why would anyone wear earrings, so close to the face ,that totally look like hard little poop nuggets?Inquiring minds really do not want to know.
February 25, 2010 at 5:32 pm
Hamoza,
the same people who would wear a necklace that looks like hard little poop nuggets, of course!
Thanks for listing only these poop ones…I’d need a serious dose of brain bleach for barf ones…we won’t go there, K?
February 25, 2010 at 5:32 pm
Its quite unfortunate when you can’t discern the doggie(#10) from their poop.
And that scarf-the seller says it’ll attract alot of attention. How about flies? That being said, it is almost nice , just wish it had more pigment , of another color.
February 25, 2010 at 5:34 pm
But 9 is made with love!
February 25, 2010 at 5:34 pm
Okay, did anyone else think the white paint on #2 looked like something else?
February 25, 2010 at 5:39 pm
I think the scarf at #9 isn’t hideous, but I mostly want to know if it comes with the fridge mentioned in the posting.
(also, the alpaca in #5 is rather pretty, which just makes me wish they’d arranged it in a less poopish style.)
February 25, 2010 at 5:39 pm
#32PinkBunnies
OMFG I checked the material list on that puppy # 2 & its called marbled fudge glaze.
February 25, 2010 at 5:42 pm
The chocolate balls on a wire are not only $85. You can also send it back and she’ll put permanent beads on the wire for an additional $45… Good deal!
February 25, 2010 at 5:43 pm
#9 FeltedPleasure sounds like porn gone wrong.
February 25, 2010 at 5:49 pm
10. Would actually be cute in another color.
9. Silk waste? As in silkworm poop?
8. For use in my next horsehair raku.
7. No, “recycling” would be taking the empty gold wire to the pawn shop.
6. I see those under Walmart’s awnings a lot.
5. ….. I got nothin’.
4. Human hair went out of fashion after Auschwitz.
3. Will these go with my corn(dog) fascinator?
2. Ow ow ow!
1. Doggie needs to see the vet.
February 25, 2010 at 5:49 pm
ten pieces of absolute evidence that etsy is turning into shit!
February 25, 2010 at 6:08 pm
Wait… so, if you send back the chocolate-smeared wire after that shit melts all over you, they’ll send you an *actual* necklace for $45? Why not just make a listing for a real necklace + a box of chocolates?
And… unless they’re thinking that the “gold” wiring itself is worth more than the $40 difference, they think that those malted balls are worth $45?
Love the hepatitis drops. It should be in a scat guide on webMD!
February 25, 2010 at 6:10 pm
#9 is kind of cool if you look at it in context. It looks like the wool was splatted… so yeah a different color might have been advisable.
#7 Just pisses me off. They have another that’s just one malt ball on a chain and you can order more malt balls for $10 a piece. BTW you can purchase an entire BAG of the malt balls from Peterbrooke for $6 a bag.
February 25, 2010 at 6:11 pm
Wait, what? I just skimmed these earlier. #7 is made of malted milk balls and it’s $85!?!?
February 25, 2010 at 6:12 pm
A horsehair necklace??? That makes me itch just thinking about it.
February 25, 2010 at 6:13 pm
#41-suda-
Yes. I agree the price is a Whopper.
February 25, 2010 at 6:15 pm
This kind of crap is why I normally hate anything hand felted, because it turns out looking like this. It’s very rare for felting, in my experience anyway, to look like anything other than scratchy poop.
February 25, 2010 at 6:18 pm
“Wet-felted” just sounds nasty.
February 25, 2010 at 6:26 pm
The maker of the milk DUD necklace is higher than a kite. Who does she think she is charging $85 for that thing? Lady GODiva?
February 25, 2010 at 6:28 pm
Well now – this is something I can gawk at! I’ve got to give you credit for curating this crappy collection Helen!
February 25, 2010 at 6:28 pm
What a night for those who are constipated!!!!
February 25, 2010 at 6:32 pm
#48 starrydreams , No shit.
February 25, 2010 at 6:33 pm
#49- No shit sherlock!!!
February 25, 2010 at 6:39 pm
#34 hamoza :
I didn’t notice that! Absolutely priceless!
February 25, 2010 at 6:43 pm
#51 PB, could it be any more fitting? I think not!
February 25, 2010 at 6:47 pm
Hamoza, I agree completely!
February 25, 2010 at 6:54 pm
#2 really should have been this item from their shop:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=16673332
A gryphon? really?
February 25, 2010 at 6:55 pm
Whoa, talk about the power of suggestion…
I’ll be back in a few minutes… or so.
February 25, 2010 at 7:18 pm
10. The face is cute, but the rest…
9. It is a cool idea, but, other than purple, I can’t think of a colour that would look really good.
8. Are those radical blue raspberry gushers?
7. Dumb.
6. I would only eat those in the dark.
5. Not the best picture of some otherwise nice wool.
4. Hidden, your crap is truly crappy.
3. Blech.
2. Ow is right.
1. Crap from nature.
February 25, 2010 at 7:24 pm
8. melt on your neck–not in your hand.
And 10 good reasons why the color brown should stay under the lid.
February 25, 2010 at 7:30 pm
I was always taught if it is yellow let it mellow. If it is brown flush it down.
Perhaps if I bought all of the plumbing jewelry on Etsy I could fix my shitter when I flush all off this shit down.
February 25, 2010 at 7:50 pm
The seller of the #2 item starts off all of his descriptions with a Wikipedia entry. Bad ceramics and no imagination. I mean, where are the faeries and uniporn?
February 25, 2010 at 7:51 pm
artistic spirit?
damn. My aim is off. I was going for your windpipe.
February 25, 2010 at 8:08 pm
n.8- I just woke up from a nap and I did NOT need to see that scary giant mondo poop-dread.
February 25, 2010 at 8:11 pm
that’s not what i’ve heard. Word on the street is that you’re more desperate to get a ballgag in your mouth than you are to have our crap featured on Regretsy.
and that’s saying something.
February 25, 2010 at 8:13 pm
and by our I obviously meant your. shame that.
February 25, 2010 at 8:29 pm
February 25, 2010 at 8:34 pm
being high, some artists seem not to know that Regretsy will see their work
February 25, 2010 at 8:45 pm
Gee, do you think #4 works as a sweeper in a hair salon?
“Different shades of human hair, some already dyed”
Wonder where you find that??
Maybe she’s trying to quit smoking & needs something to do with her hands.
February 25, 2010 at 9:03 pm
perhaps you could suggest auto-erotic asphyxiation Spandy.
February 25, 2010 at 9:12 pm
Spun gold shit Wilma??
I can do that.
I will do that.
Tonight.
I’d like for you and recovering crack baby to message me on etsy or my website or FB..lol or wherever, damn I’m in a lot of places, so I can show you 2 the pics when it’s done. I would love your opinions!
Yes, seriously. I don’t know how to reach you guys, you’re not linked anywhere.
February 25, 2010 at 9:16 pm
hidden, shut the fuck up. goodnight.
February 25, 2010 at 9:21 pm
Skully…we love you!! *lmfao*
Now PLEASE go get some rest!
February 25, 2010 at 9:40 pm
:::cough:::yeah Skully!:::cough::
February 25, 2010 at 10:12 pm
holy shit…”hidden” is gone…i guess she really IS an enigma…
behold- THE POWER OF REGRETSY!!!
February 25, 2010 at 10:15 pm
Thanks Helen. She was really starting to bring the quality of this site down.
February 25, 2010 at 10:17 pm
now i can go to sleep happy.
goodnight, HK and fellow regretsyans ♥
February 25, 2010 at 10:33 pm
#72 Razz: is that like the power of cheese?
February 25, 2010 at 10:37 pm
I’m glad her electrons are no longer here…ya don’t know where they’ve been.
February 25, 2010 at 11:02 pm
Good riddance!
February 25, 2010 at 11:41 pm
Shee-it!
I have a photo I took with my phone the other day, of a pile of dog shit that is a perfect pi symbol. Maybe I should make prints and sell them on Etsy!
February 25, 2010 at 11:54 pm
I’ve got one that you forgot, all the fricken crap that lands on the Etsy front page resembling any form of mini mustache. Ugh when will this fad just get done already!!!!!
February 26, 2010 at 12:12 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 26, 2010 at 12:43 am
#75-DucksNew-
Yes.
Fumunda cheese.
February 26, 2010 at 12:46 am
#68-SoapyHo-
I <3 you. And your corn poop soap.
I would love to see your spun gold shit.
Helen has me thinking about Easter baskets and they would be a lovely item.
February 26, 2010 at 12:47 am
tanaise @33: I agree. Some of the other yarns in her shop are gorgeous, but sadly WAY out of my price range.
February 26, 2010 at 5:34 am
Does anyone know what a “batt set” is?
February 26, 2010 at 5:46 am
This whole thing makes me feel even worse about my inability to take a shit. *bloated*
February 26, 2010 at 6:07 am
I used to work as a veterinary assistant. I actually once saw a dog who had poo that looked exactly like #6. Turns out, it had some sort of congenital intestinal disorder that prevented it from processing food normally. It almost starved to death.
Not cool.
February 26, 2010 at 7:08 am
#20 sourkiwi : A HUGE CONGRATS on getting comment of the day. You ROCK.
SKULLY_ you are found. I was worried you were lost somewhere. Oh big squezzy skully.
February 26, 2010 at 7:12 am
Helen, I must thank you. Immediately after looking at this, I had to run to the bathroom. It’s like when someone sneezes and then you have to. I think I might bookmark this page.
February 26, 2010 at 7:31 am
#84 it was a typo. Should have read Bat Shit as in crazy and keeping in line with the whole turd theme.
February 26, 2010 at 7:49 am
#87 RCB I agree!! I’m so relieved Skully reared his skull, if only to say “shut the fuck up”.
We love you Skully!
February 26, 2010 at 7:58 am
I’m still trying to get my head around #1 being made of “dog wool?!” (cue Scooby Doo HUH?) Its dog hair right? DEAD DOG HAIR – SHEDDED DOG HAIR
Is it hypo allergenic? When caught in the rain does it give off that delightful “wet doggy smell”
February 26, 2010 at 9:33 am
The cherry wool roving shouldn’t be in this bunch. It’s roving. It’s common to coil and loop roving since it makes the colour stand out more and keeps it compact. I’ve gotten roving before from that seller too and it’s nice quality, don’t bring shame to that shop.
February 26, 2010 at 10:38 am
Colo(r)-rectal creativity, umbrella term. Its raining crappola.
February 26, 2010 at 11:05 am
When I see the USD in bold type, my brain thinks it’s a short form of used. Making all these turdles even more unwearable. Yuk.
February 26, 2010 at 11:56 am
Always knew that #4 (aka hidden) was a shithead.
February 26, 2010 at 1:18 pm
getting past the clusterfuck called yesterday–the captions 1-10 are
May 9, 2012 at 7:41 am
http://www.etsy.com/listing/97221345/poopoo-and-toilet-paper-earrings?ref=pr_faveitems