Throbbing, Engorged Mailbag
Well, pinch my tits and call me “Phyllis”!
We have a metric shit ton of email today, so let’s stop whacking our thighs together and get right into the fuckery – now, while we can all still stand each other.
First up, a fantastic bit of fuckery from the Designer Shoe Warehouse, sent in by an eagle-eyed reader.
I’d like to believe that we had something to do with this.
I ‘d like to think we’re spreading our infectious brand of assholery like some kind of comedy Hanta Virus; commenting on the culture until we become the culture, in a sort of post-modern, recursive clusterfuck.
But it’s more likely that the person who put this together was just stupid, or hitting the Etsy pipe. 420!
Two separate readers found these labels in two different coats in two different stores.
(Kohls)
(Burlington Coat Factory)
WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW
From: Kaitlin
Subject: Lady Gaga Doll
Date: February 22, 2010 1:07 PM PST
Here is the crocheted Lady Gaga doll with the lovely Miss Coco-Puff Eyesli Star (right), the owner of said doll, and her bosom companion Miss Dominique D’Amour (left)! Enjoy the drag fabulousness!
I love these two. And I love to see things find their rightful owners. This is the best email ever.
From: Lynn
Subject: I bought the clown gumball head!
Date: Tue, Feb 2, 2010 6:41 PM PST
My sister received her gumball clown. She was suitably horrified.
There was a lovely element of mystery and surprise, since she unpacked it upside down and saw only the gumballs at first. Then she saw the clown head. The seller offered personalization, so I sent it to my sister from my toddler daughter so she can’t throw it out.
BTW, the seller was SO nice, sweet and thoughtful. She clearly cares about what she does, so I left her very positive feedback.
From: The future vidas hotmail
Subject: Regretsy
Date: February 11, 2010 5:03 PM PST
I wonder how you sleep each night knowing that what you bring to the world brings pain to others. How sad that you take something that brings joy to the person making the “art” and work to make that person feel small over it. I feel sorry for you and all of the other mean-commenting folks on your site. Do your art and let others do theirs without ridicule. I wish you peace in your life.
-Tracy
Thank you Tracy, not only for this email, but for putting the word “art” in quotes. – HK
From: Justin
Subject: This was in our university’s art gallery
Date: February 23, 2010 7:18 AM PST
This was in an illustration show at my university. I saw it and immediately thought of Regretsy. It is (in)appropriately titled “Tender Morsels.” Enjoy!
From: Leahfu
Subject: Cut-Out Cat
Date: January 30, 2010 3:06:45 PM PST
I was watching Julia and Jacques Cooking at Home and saw this. I know it’s not THE cat, but still.
And perhaps my favorite piece of mail this year, from Cappy Sue, whose Penis Obsession painting was featured here yesterday:
From: Cappy Sue
Subject: I see you found my penis
Date: February 22, 2010 8:43 PM PST
This is why Cappy is my hero. And by the way, Cappy Sue is featured in the Regretsy book.
UPDATE: PENIS OBSESSION IS SOLD!
February 23, 2010 at 12:17 pm
YAY the penis found a home.
February 23, 2010 at 12:21 pm
I’m lovin’ that email! I don’t think however that we’re disturbing the creation of “art” by commenting on the wierd and wonderful crap featured on Regretsy…
February 23, 2010 at 12:23 pm
“Well, pinch my tits and call my Phyllis!”
Bwa ha ha ha… I’m totally gonna’ have to steal that phrase, and use it next time I’m joyously surprised!
February 23, 2010 at 12:26 pm
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=40440201
The penis has a fraternal twin: a vagina painting a vagina. How could she separate the set??
February 23, 2010 at 12:28 pm
These “emails” rock! (Especially THAT one.)
February 23, 2010 at 12:29 pm
#2 Agreed. If anything, it’s inspired a lot of spoofs and baits.
February 23, 2010 at 12:30 pm
$4 The vagina doesn’t have a celebrity lookalike.
February 23, 2010 at 12:33 pm
#7, the vagina’s celebrity lookalike is probably Sizzler’s lobster tail special.
February 23, 2010 at 12:38 pm
All hail Cappy Sue, Queen of “taking one for the team”. That is just freakin’ fantastic.
February 23, 2010 at 12:44 pm
The last pic troubled my childhood memories in so, so many ways.
What an awesome crop of mail…especially the angry one. In some small way, I hope I’ve done my part.
February 23, 2010 at 12:44 pm
The drag queenies wear their pearls much better than
that drag of a Latvian. I would not turn down a puff of whatever they’re smoking either.
February 23, 2010 at 12:50 pm
Oh good times. Love the whimsicality of those ugly flats. And you know what? I really think I’m going to buy a gumball doll. (No really!)
February 23, 2010 at 12:52 pm
No way. I can have a whole Benetton-esque fleet!
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=38187239
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=38208496
February 23, 2010 at 12:53 pm
#12 Efit, careful , you’ll only encourage her…
February 23, 2010 at 12:53 pm
heh heh- “tender morsels”…
what a terrificly engorged mailbag
and what iscream said- yes, I hope too, that I have done my part
February 23, 2010 at 12:56 pm
HK, thanks for sharing, I’m proud to be one of the “mean-commenting folk,” and “I see you found my penis” is the funniest e-mail subject line ever! BTW, what should we call your Phyllis?
February 23, 2010 at 1:01 pm
I said this part out loud: “Well, pinch my tits and call my Phyllis!”
And my husband said, from the other room, “OKAY, GIVE ME A MINUTE!”
Then he rushed in…
I love the Regretsy mailbag. It makes my happy happen and apparently, my spouse’s as well.
February 23, 2010 at 1:04 pm
Man, I can’t wait to see that ballet flat in HD.
February 23, 2010 at 1:08 pm
We should keep a running tally of the prices of things that have sold after being featured on Regretsy…you know, to see how badly we’ve hurt people. Call it the Regretsy Pain Index or something.
February 23, 2010 at 1:10 pm
I’m soo using that ‘I see you’ve found my penis’ line.
February 23, 2010 at 1:15 pm
God, I wish I had a mailbag like this. How entertaining it would be to receive lovely pictures of Drag Queens with Lady Gaga dolls.
I think some of the Regretsy crafts have a homing instinct to find their rightful owners.
February 23, 2010 at 1:18 pm
#19- DucksNews-
Yes-
like a free advertising on Regretsy % bruised ego=
drinking money for the week.
February 23, 2010 at 1:33 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 23, 2010 at 1:50 pm
This Facebook ad showed up while I was looking at the Regretsy feed there.
The picture is crafty and WTF but has nothing to do with the ad text. YIPPEE.
February 23, 2010 at 1:53 pm
I get all weepy thinking about it…
February 23, 2010 at 1:54 pm
Well since “I see you found my penis” sounds like the punchline to a drag joke, I think we have come full circle.
February 23, 2010 at 1:59 pm
The whimsey is spreading… The end must be near…
February 23, 2010 at 2:14 pm
“I wonder how you sleep each night knowing that what you bring to the world brings pain to others.”
http://img713.imageshack.us/img713/3060/welcome2regretsyc.jpg
February 23, 2010 at 2:24 pm
#25 Iscream too funny!!
Happy to be part of the mean team!!!
February 23, 2010 at 2:31 pm
#24 fenrislorlai: Sorry all for the OT post, but I needed to comment on the coincidence, with possibly half the people on the planet connected to the Internet, of my seeing our furry friend here and on the completely unrelated webcomic freefall.purrsia.com. Sometimes TWIVSP!
February 23, 2010 at 2:48 pm
Dear Tracy,
I’m sorry to hear that we have brought you pain. Perhaps in the future you will think twice before making us laugh.
Shalom!
February 23, 2010 at 4:11 pm
OMG! I love CappySue too! I bet she would be a great friend in real life. I love the folks who’s stuff ends up on Regretsy and they go along and even mock themselves!
February 23, 2010 at 4:26 pm
The illustration “Tender Morsels” is the cover art for a young adult book of the same name. I purchased it for my students (I’m a librarian) and I’m sorry I did – godawful story about incest, gang rape, and yeah, the comfort of bears.
February 23, 2010 at 5:11 pm
Ugh, my fiancee’s grandmother’s name is Phyllis. Now I’m going to have disturbing dreams. Thanks a lot, Helen. You couldn’t have picked ANY other female name. (just so you don’t give me horrid images of any of my other female relatives, Carolyn, Heather, Tressa, Gwen, Susan, Eunice, Siobhan and Janice are also off-limits. Thank you)
February 23, 2010 at 6:36 pm
This is the best mailbag ever holy crow.
Also: I JUST got in the mail my pendant from Vulva Love Lovely. I will probably mail you a photo soon. I just need to take one. :3
February 23, 2010 at 6:59 pm
Helen, maybe you’ll get an email from an elephant that has the subject line: I see you found my ear
February 23, 2010 at 7:30 pm
i went “eeee” when i saw the say what coat label i sent in was featured. aka i’m ridiculous and beaming
February 23, 2010 at 8:21 pm
@#37 Congratulations, you deserve this! That is some brilliant regretsy sleuthing.
February 24, 2010 at 3:04 am
My daughter used to have some Say What? Girls brand clothes. I completely forgot about it until just now. I blame it on Regresty not existing yet at the time.
February 24, 2010 at 5:55 am
There’s a man in that bear costume.
It’s just normal man-woman love, so it doesn’t qualify.
February 24, 2010 at 12:24 pm
#4 Bridget :
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=40440201
The penis has a fraternal twin: a vagina painting a vagina. How could she separate the set??
~
I’d just like to point out that the vagina is totally comparable with this. http://disney-stationary.com/coloring-book/Beauty-Beast/Armoire-Wardrobe.gif
February 24, 2010 at 11:54 pm
Oh Zombiekatz, that is fantastic! Excellent sleuthing!