Plumb Ugly
It doesn’t like soup, it’s not a person. It’s not even a bracelet. it’s some plumbing part your husband had lying around, and you glued a bunch of shit on it. Is this what you do while he’s out snaking drains? For God’s sake, get off of Etsy and make some dinner.
February 23, 2010 at 9:34 am
YES- this seller has taken several hits off the ETSY pipe
February 23, 2010 at 9:36 am
Looks like squeaky the cat dragged it in, with fleas.
February 23, 2010 at 9:36 am
I see a weapon with mental issues for 15.00.
February 23, 2010 at 9:36 am
Her next project: plunger hat!
February 23, 2010 at 9:39 am
i seriously thought her arm/fist was some sort of plush camel for like a full minute. maybe i’ve been hitting the etsy pipe.
February 23, 2010 at 9:39 am
You lost me at shiny glass eyes…
February 23, 2010 at 9:40 am
Hey, I love pipe clamps. They’re SO darned useful.
Well, as *clamps*, anyway. (This is from a chick who celebrated the excuse to buy a hammer drill last weekend, so hey.) Mmm, pipe clamps.
February 23, 2010 at 9:40 am
OMG, this is awesomely hilariously bad, weird, weird, and just god damned weird!
I have a monster cold, so I am now laughing / coughing… I expect to be dizzy from oxygen deprivation soon. I hope to not come to and find something weird on my wrist.
@Skully – plunger hat, lol *cough, hack, cough*
February 23, 2010 at 9:40 am
Description
“I found a couple of my hubby’s cool looking pipe clamps and after musing for awhile, out popped Millie Minky from one.” crazy fist lady from Etsy.
This is how my first child came to be.
February 23, 2010 at 9:41 am
That the first picture looks like the seller has had their hand chopped off doesn’t help.
February 23, 2010 at 9:41 am
#5 – First reported case of camel wrist!
February 23, 2010 at 9:42 am
I would not buy this but I would invite her over for lunch. That would be some free entertainment at its finest.
February 23, 2010 at 9:43 am
Oh, and that’s one ugly ass hand .
February 23, 2010 at 9:45 am
I wonder what part of this thing you look at to determine it is a she and not a he…
February 23, 2010 at 9:46 am
The picture where this thing is in a bird bath with a rabbit below- check out the blood spill in front of the um.. bracelet
February 23, 2010 at 9:47 am
okay, seriously…when I first saw this I thought it was some kind of eye cover thing on a calf (baby cow that is). I still have to work to see it as what it is, and not a cow. Which, what it is is not much better than what it isn’t.
February 23, 2010 at 9:48 am
I wanna stick a pin in that voodoo thing.
February 23, 2010 at 9:49 am
Elegant, decadent, timeless, but I can’t help thinking I’ve seen this before…
Oh yes:
http://tinypic.com/r/1ovwk6/6
February 23, 2010 at 9:50 am
@13 Betty: I hate it when people use themselves as models for their jewelry. The piece could be really nice, but then the liver spots and wrinkles totally turn me off!
not that a pretty hand could help this one…ugh.
February 23, 2010 at 9:50 am
Honestly, I thought it was an animal. A mangy one. I’m not saying this for comedic effect either. I seriously thought I was looking at a chihuahua or something equally small and sad looking. LMAO!!!
That shit is mad fugly!
I agree with BettyMachete!
February 23, 2010 at 9:50 am
Is that a cock ring? Am I looking at a dick again?
February 23, 2010 at 9:52 am
#16 moi – exactly!! except i thought it was a camel instead of a calf. i’m glad i’m not in this alone. (and i still see a camel, btw)
February 23, 2010 at 9:53 am
There is nothing cute about fur, and these poor little probed, electrocuted and skinned creatures do not want you to make them into crap and tell us they like to eat soup with crackers and play chase with their friend Squeaky and take trips and jesus christ! Fur makes me mad.
February 23, 2010 at 9:53 am
Jesus.
I thought the eyes were milk duds for a second.
..And from the paragraph, if she had them around, I’m sure she would have put them on. :/
February 23, 2010 at 9:55 am
#19, I agree. And not sure if that HAND is holding a penis.
February 23, 2010 at 9:57 am
#22 Efit Thanks for sayin’ what I was thinking about
the fur. If that is a bracelet , those dead Latvian
piglets are flying .
February 23, 2010 at 9:57 am
@kennyb
February 23, 2010 at 9:58 am
Normally, I’m ok with people making up stories for the stuff they sell. But this lady is trying to justify a fugly bracelet with a story and it’s just.not.working.
Fail.
February 23, 2010 at 9:59 am
I like how she slaps the word “vintage” in front of everything so she can sell her yardsale crap on etsy.
February 23, 2010 at 10:01 am
Nothing says ‘idle plumber’s wife’ like pipe clamp jewellery. Small clamps make finger rings for masochists because they have sharp edges & hurt.
February 23, 2010 at 10:03 am
Yes, we all need personified objects! How about Tilly the Table? Cindy the Cup? Dillon the Dildo?
February 23, 2010 at 10:03 am
“She loves to eat crackers ”
…obviously someone is definately crackers
“She loves to eat crackers… ”
…when you wear her its like putting on the Ritz
“She loves to eat crackers”
…so call her Triscuit
February 23, 2010 at 10:05 am
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February 23, 2010 at 10:08 am
I could see some crazy club kid wearing this…
Skully 4…on a whim and with too many lamp parts lying around, I made a plunger lamp. It was a new item, not repurposed.
Still mentally configuring the toilet-paper-roll shade.
And pplrdum #29…”Vintage 2009″.
February 23, 2010 at 10:08 am
Oh COME ON. I know we’re all guilty of raiding the hardware section for copper wire, but this is just taking it TOO FAR.
February 23, 2010 at 10:08 am
It looks as though an Ewok is being fisted…
February 23, 2010 at 10:09 am
My god, the eyes! They won’t stop staring at me. They know what I’m thinking, what I’ve done, what I’m ashamed of and yet… I can’t stop feeding it tomato soup.
February 23, 2010 at 10:09 am
ps- I agree with Efit!
February 23, 2010 at 10:10 am
EAT crackers?! I hate to tell you this (because CLEARLY everyone else in your life is afraid to), but you ARE crackers.
February 23, 2010 at 10:11 am
I’m intrigued by the inside of this “bracelet” – is it ribbed for your pleasure?
February 23, 2010 at 10:11 am
There’s a “gnawing off your arm after it’s caught in a trap” joke in here somewhere, but damned if I can find it…
February 23, 2010 at 10:14 am
I would LOVEY to see this think shopped on to the wrist of Tits with Hog’s Heads.
February 23, 2010 at 10:16 am
I think besides plumbing clamps the only other thing she gets from a plumbing store are screens for your faucets.
February 23, 2010 at 10:16 am
Guys, she’s from Hamilton, Ontario…. she doesn’t know any better….
February 23, 2010 at 10:18 am
#41captaincavegirl~ Eewww, such a graphic & most accurate description.
February 23, 2010 at 10:20 am
guess I’ve watched too much Futurama
http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4063/4382801120_68f9038202_o.jpg
February 23, 2010 at 10:23 am
#46 IscreamUscream- you are the best LMFAO
February 23, 2010 at 10:23 am
Man oh man, Gramma is gonna be PISSED when she finds out what you done did to her coat!
February 23, 2010 at 10:34 am
When I first read “pipe clamps” I was actually seriously thinking of roach clips for a split second – because you’d have to be fucking high to make this and then come up with this story.
But really, wouldn’t it look lovely paired with this:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=39208614&ref=cat2_list_6
you could wear them together and stand next to her rusty rabbit bird bath.
February 23, 2010 at 10:37 am
@49 cori, I thought the same thing! I was trying to find them in the pic! whoops! (after the “tobacco” pipe recently featured, can you blame us?)
February 23, 2010 at 10:42 am
Why? Why must they always give the shit a personality? WTF tomato soup?
February 23, 2010 at 10:49 am
My spouse would be extremely pissed off at me for using any one of his hardware things to make anything- much less to make this frightening, uh… thing.
“Hey, honey, I used that expensive ebony wood you had saved for the new coffee table to make a casket for my born-again doll! And I bedazzled it with *genuine* Swarvosky crystals!”
February 23, 2010 at 10:53 am
#44 as a Canuck I’m trying so hard to be offended by your comment.
Unfortunately it is so very true.
February 23, 2010 at 10:53 am
i just don’t understand why these sellers have to give things a life and a name. it’s a freaking object. deal with it.
February 23, 2010 at 11:00 am
Cool looking and “pipe clamps” don’t go together.
February 23, 2010 at 11:04 am
Check out that creepy beady-eyed rabbit in the picture. It looks like it crawled out of one of this lady’s other hallucinations.
February 23, 2010 at 11:17 am
….. I know! It’s a Watchimal!
February 23, 2010 at 11:21 am
Great. If the producers of Project Runway are looking for a new torture for the designers, this ‘creation’ is going to have them scouring the Home Depot for their next challenge. Painful. (“Excuse me, which aisle has the vintage toilet setting wax rings?”)
February 23, 2010 at 11:23 am
Thank you for not digging the hairball out of the drain to make this with.
February 23, 2010 at 11:23 am
Check out her other shop with all the hair extensions. So many dredlock jokes…..
February 23, 2010 at 11:26 am
I believe there was more time spent on coming up with the alliteration in the title, then on making the “bracelet” itself.
February 23, 2010 at 11:26 am
Her eccentric description is the best part. I totally want this.
February 23, 2010 at 11:39 am
RCB, here ya go:
http://twitpic.com/14xzxt
February 23, 2010 at 11:41 am
For God’s sake, give the poor, skinned animal
“Millie Minky” a little more dignity in death!
Take her on a trip to a new home, the dumpster.
February 23, 2010 at 11:42 am
@#62 Lyon: *gently takes paste, glitter and construction paper away, takes Lyon by the hand* Come on honey, it’s time for your nap. Here, we know you’ve had a tough day, how about one of these lovely little red pills? And you can have your nap in the nice white room with the soft walls, won’t that be lovely?
February 23, 2010 at 11:42 am
@VEDD bwahaha..so bad!
February 23, 2010 at 11:42 am
#46 I love you for that.
February 23, 2010 at 11:44 am
“Honey, why is there a padlock on your tool box? It wasn’t there yesterday.”
“Never you mind, now go get a job and stop fucking around while I’m at work.”
February 23, 2010 at 11:45 am
#65 And can I wear my pretty new white coat?
February 23, 2010 at 11:46 am
# 65 Also, I don’t want the red pill today. I want the blue one.
February 23, 2010 at 11:46 am
#62 Lyon-
I think this would look perfect with your barn owl/mouse hat.
Wear them as a set after you take one of Sculptor69′s lovely little red pills and sit in your white room.
February 23, 2010 at 11:47 am
#36 Ewoks and fisting in one post SCORE!!!!
February 23, 2010 at 11:50 am
Also in plumber wife’s shop:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=38030498
Think this explains a lot.
February 23, 2010 at 11:50 am
omg she’s from Canada….on behalf of fellow Canadians, sorry
February 23, 2010 at 11:51 am
Trying to understand the reasoning behind this one is just too draining.
February 23, 2010 at 11:51 am
@#69, yes dear, the pretty white coat with all the shiny buckles!! And yes, you’ve been sooo very good today, you can have *two* of the blue pills!
(my dear, you’ve just given my a giggle fit and made my day)
February 23, 2010 at 11:56 am
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February 23, 2010 at 11:58 am
That’s weird. Lemme try that again…
#76 ::: Squeals in delight, jumps up and down, claps hands, forgetting she is still holding empty bottles of glitter. :::
February 23, 2010 at 12:01 pm
#78 *OPEN bottles, not empty bottles! LOL
Nevermind. The moment is gone.
February 23, 2010 at 12:07 pm
It’s those blue pills taking effect already.
February 23, 2010 at 12:12 pm
OK, let’s just stop for a second and think about the people in her life that received these as gifts during Christmas. Let’s think about how much effort it took to look all happy and grateful and not mortified.
OK, resume snarkage.
February 23, 2010 at 12:37 pm
#5, Angie (and whoever else said it): I also thought it was a stuffed camel. We must be taking hits from the same pipe.
February 23, 2010 at 12:56 pm
@67 I’d never say no to LeeLoo love <3
February 23, 2010 at 1:08 pm
I’m a little anal when it comes to nomenclature……..this is technincally a “hose clamp”!
February 23, 2010 at 2:20 pm
that’s appropriate, takilasunrise … anyone who buys it will have been hosed.
February 23, 2010 at 2:46 pm
Perfectly good pipe clamp. What’s she gonna say when her husband asks her, hey, have you seen that pipe clamp I left laying here?
February 23, 2010 at 3:18 pm
My COTD nominee–Raz @#56
February 23, 2010 at 3:21 pm
correction–#36
February 23, 2010 at 3:28 pm
@#44 emargee & #53 bondgurl:
Please don’t pick on my city for being the armpit of Ontario! We’re not *all* fucktards! Look:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_people_from_Hamilton,_Ontario
…and besides, Hamilton is where the British finally started kicking the ‘mercan’s asses in the war of 1812! ;P
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Stoney_Creek
February 23, 2010 at 3:32 pm
Me and my ferrets are totally mortified.
February 23, 2010 at 3:44 pm
#84 takilasunrise – …so it IS a cock ring.
February 23, 2010 at 5:00 pm
An obvious example of the “art” you mean commenters comment on. What in the name of baby Jesus on a GD cracker is this supposed to be? This just pisses me off.
February 23, 2010 at 7:50 pm
Luckily, if the buyer slices their wrist open from the sharp edge of the clamp, they always have the fur on the “bracelet” (and I use that term loosely) to soak up the blood and to stop the bleeding.
February 23, 2010 at 10:23 pm
Before you know it we will be seeing this seller in a Quit Your Day Job article.
Ofcourse she fits all the citeria for selection:
1. Doesn’t have a job to begin with
2. “Hubby” ( and excuse me while stick needles in my ears so i dont have to hear that fucking term) Hubby has a job and supports her “musing” around at home
3. Once she starts making lets say $10 a day on etsy, she writes into Etsy saying ….
February 23, 2010 at 10:25 pm
…. saying “Hey Etsy I had a job 5 years ago and have had a kid now, and “Could” have gone back to work, but now im earning money on etsy, do I qualify for a QYDJ???
Hubby pays all the bills but i am making sales”
February 23, 2010 at 10:28 pm
Seriously , with (90% of the articles I see, its not far off that. You go look through their sales history and they’ve sold a $15 pair of earrings or whatever once a week or something.. And you read their article and its clear they havent even had a job since 1993
Puhhhleeease!!!!!!!!!!!
end rant
February 24, 2010 at 11:40 pm
I. Hate. This.
February 28, 2010 at 11:53 am
Wonder what she crafted of the “not cool looking” pipe clamps?
February 22, 2011 at 4:17 pm
i think it’s kinda cute. especially in the top right picture, in the birdbath thing. aww, widdle fuzzy wuzzy.
June 17, 2011 at 4:33 pm
I watched this picture for 5 min … and finally I saw that this is hand .. not small elephant