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Bored in the USA

Posted by Helen Killer

97 comments

I just discovered Bruce Springsteen! Have you heard of this guy? I guess he’s from some place called “New Jersey”? I think it’s near Europe, which I also just found out about.

Anyway, I thought I’d write down all of his songs and charge you $20 for it. I was asking for sea shells, but that was before I looked up “money” on Wikipedia.

Filed in Derp, Garbage 97 comments

97 Comments

Add Comment

Feb 18, 2010
2:25 pm

#1 Skully :

Interesting idea, presentation is a little bland, could use a decortive boarder, maybe some falage native to New Jersey.

Rate this comment: +31

Feb 18, 2010
4:32 pm

#2 angie :

this guy “discovered” springsteen the same way my mom tells everyone that my brother “discovered” craigslist.

Rate this comment: +39

Feb 18, 2010
4:39 pm

#3 methuselah :

If it’s a complete list of song titles and albums then why is it headed “SOME of Bruce Springsteen’s Albums”?

BTW, nice font. *snicker*

Rate this comment: +43

Feb 18, 2010
4:39 pm

#4 FootofCanal :

I just checked out this guys shop.

I am pretty sure he just came out of a coma.

Rate this comment: +114

Feb 18, 2010
4:40 pm

#5 waningestrogen :

Materials: “original concept”

maybe she’ll discover the complete discography and this could become part 1 of a triptych.

Rate this comment: +26

Feb 18, 2010
4:41 pm

#6 sudabaki© :

Well hey, at least it’s more functional than the West Side Story painting.

Rate this comment: +20

Feb 18, 2010
4:42 pm

#7 arantxahs :

maybe i can make one of Vagra’s songs and charge $20 for it… http://www.regretsy.com/2009/12/11/river-of-love/

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 18, 2010
4:43 pm

#8 mhinshaw :

Should we tell her about the Beatles?

Rate this comment: +116

Feb 18, 2010
4:46 pm

#9 Lola :

She should get together with that other lady that just discovered the Beatles.

“Honey I just wonder what it feels like in the back seat / Of your dusty rose Cadillac”

Rate this comment: +22

Feb 18, 2010
4:47 pm

#10 willandwont :

I’m no expert, but wouldn’t most anything in this section be copyright infringement or something? http://www.etsy.com/shop/MarieTHarrisStudio?section_id=6003807

Also, you left out the part of the description where it says “Shippig will be done professionally”.

1. As opposed to the amateur USPS or UPS?
2. Apparently typing WON’T be done professionally.

Rate this comment: +55

Feb 18, 2010
4:48 pm

#11 LeeLooDallas :

Tell her that Bruce and Springsteen are two different people. And they split up.

Rate this comment: +81

Feb 18, 2010
4:48 pm

#12 starrydreams :

“Shippig will be done professionally.”

What’s a shippig?

Rate this comment: +15

Feb 18, 2010
4:49 pm

#13 IscreamUscream :

http://tinyurl.com/yz4m4b9, $20 please.

Rate this comment: +61

Feb 18, 2010
4:49 pm

#14 starrydreams :

#10- You beat me to it!!

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 18, 2010
4:50 pm

#15 sudabaki© :

I have a suspicious feeling that this seller won’t like being featured here on Regretsy.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=36308790

Rate this comment: +64

Feb 18, 2010
4:50 pm

#16 mazumi :

Shippig: shipping via pig. Apparently *professional* pig shippers, too.

Rate this comment: +38

Feb 18, 2010
4:51 pm

#17 sudabaki© :

Damn, I <3 you IScream.

Rate this comment: +16

Feb 18, 2010
4:51 pm

#18 starrydreams :

# 15 sudabaki- and Helen- that needs to be on a t-shirt!!!

Rate this comment: +17

Feb 18, 2010
4:52 pm

#19 willandwont :

#13 iscreamuscream: I love it! I would love to know how you guys do that.

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 18, 2010
4:53 pm

#20 IscreamUscream :

@Suda forget my spirit, that sign hurts my eyes.

Rate this comment: +16

Feb 18, 2010
4:53 pm

#21 sawdustbear :

I bought something that looked a lot like this from a 9 year old boy in Thailand for $2 and it even came with an CD called The Best of Bruce Splingsteen and Celine Dion.

Rate this comment: +32

Feb 18, 2010
4:54 pm

#22 mazumi :

Wow, that person must have been in a car accident or something. Halfway through page four in her shop things just go all kinds of wrong.

Rate this comment: +16

Feb 18, 2010
4:54 pm

#23 Lola :

She also has a fairy section, featuring this ice skater (unfortunately not naked) http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=27009838

Can a painting still be original if it’s based off of someone else’s photograph? Not that this seller grasps the meaning of the word. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=32670415

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 18, 2010
5:00 pm

#24 Bridget :

WOW! He can put it in a FRAME, too! But that’ll cost you SIXTY FUCKING DOLLARS.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=35082241

“Since this must be fit to size and assembled, please allow two or three days before shipping.”

Rate this comment: +15

Feb 18, 2010
5:04 pm

#25 angie :

#19 willandwont – you just go to lmgtfy.com (let me google that for you)

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 18, 2010
5:07 pm

#26 fluffysue :

Wow, I would at least like to be able to read the font if I’m going to pay $20 for a printout of “some of” Bruce Springsteen’s songs.
Totally bizarre shop, it starts out with paintings and drawings that aren’t bad (though most are based on other paintings and drawings, toeing the line of forgery, but whatever). Then she gets into stuff like this, where presumably the background design is her work, but then does a half-assed job of turning it into something…..

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 18, 2010
5:08 pm

#27 lyontamer :

Someone needs to tell her that her cryogenic freezer malfunctioned.

Rate this comment: +14

Feb 18, 2010
5:08 pm

#28 littykidder :

Dunno, just seems like something I’ve seen in the 99 cents store.

Rate this comment: +20

Feb 18, 2010
5:09 pm

#29 fluffysue :

…Then we have the Word document printouts of really awful pseudo-inspirational sayings. Wow.

Rate this comment: +15

Feb 18, 2010
5:09 pm

#30 Skully :

@#13 ISUS: Well done!

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 18, 2010
5:10 pm

#31 willandwont :

Thanks #25 angie! Oh the things you can find on the internet!

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 18, 2010
5:11 pm

#32 HelenaHandbasket :

OMG-do you know how INCREDIBLY handy this will be to hang on the wall, so that I can go to refer to it, when I want to know which tracks are on the CD that I’m holding in my friggin’ hand?

Also, since it’s apparently printed on a tissue with non-waterproof pastel inks that she promptly cried over, it’ll be SUPER LEGIBLE, too!

Rate this comment: +40

Feb 18, 2010
5:13 pm

#33 Captain Pasty :

Isn’t this what Wikipedia is for?
Also, wouldn’t an avid fan know the discography anyways, and not need a reference poster?

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 18, 2010
5:16 pm

#34 Helen Killer :

@ #32 That cracked me right the fuck up.

Rate this comment: +27

Feb 18, 2010
5:20 pm

#35 razberries :

how odd- like fluffysue said, some of the paintings ain’t half bad…
then there’s this fugly thing
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35412190
it’s clip art, or very bad font stuff. looks like shit that would be in a powerpoint presentation from over 10 years ago…

Rate this comment: +23

Feb 18, 2010
5:22 pm

#36 razberries :

and this doozy…remember the golden rule, masturbation comes first, then love comes after that
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=35413464

Rate this comment: +21

Feb 18, 2010
5:25 pm

#37 karen710 :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35275275

and so i shall.

Rate this comment: +15

Feb 18, 2010
5:32 pm

#38 ciaohowdy :

Dear Ms. Harris: I really like your listing
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35409375
But can you change, “Happiness can be found if…you look for it” with “Happiness can be found if…you stop calling coma-inducing sayings in all caps in a crap typeface ‘graphic design’”? Kay, thanks. Oh, I have no money to pay you, but I have a pencil sketch of a naked iceskater torn into 1 mm squares I’d like to exchange for your commissioned work.

Rate this comment: +38

Feb 18, 2010
5:35 pm

#39 Holytape :

For all of the Bruce Springsteen’s song titles, $25.
For all of the Beatle’s song title, $30.
For all of Color Me Badd’s songs titles, $20.
For Color Me Badd to play their songs live. $5 and whatever you have in your refrigerator.

Rate this comment: +36

Feb 18, 2010
5:37 pm

#40 mademoiselleguillotine :

I took this one
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=35335624

and made it a little better: http://tinyurl.com/yc57amc

Just in case you were wondering who each Bruce Springsteen album was by she wrote “by Bruce Springsteen” under each album name.

Rate this comment: +26

Feb 18, 2010
5:42 pm

#41 IscreamUscream :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=35335624
I’m sorry too.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 18, 2010
5:46 pm

#42 Recovering Crack Baby :

#13 IscreamUscream- I think I love you even though we have never met- here is a little about me.
I was born in the USA. I love to go dancing in the dark, if not I get blinded by the light. Glory Days for me are cruisin in the pink Cadillac down the street’s of Philadelphia.Then I like to visit some fucko who does holistic horseshit until I fear that I’m on fire.
Lastly, I have a secret garden and if the cop’s come, away I go, cause baby I was born to run.

Rate this comment: +38

Feb 18, 2010
5:53 pm

#43 madamedefarge :

I am now convinced that Etsy has an Addams Family Street Team and that all of these featured sellers are charter members.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 18, 2010
5:54 pm

#44 twatsupcock :

I am totally convinced that there are “artists” that really do believe that there are people out there that will buy anything! Dang, I need to make that statement into a wall hanging. . .

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 18, 2010
5:56 pm

#45 Skully :

@#12 and 16 Shippig = United Porcine Service.

Rate this comment: +36

Feb 18, 2010
6:02 pm

#46 mergatroid :

What I want to know is: If this dude just discovered Bruce Springsteen, how is it that he has several “original” photographs listed in his shop???

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 18, 2010
6:05 pm

#47 IscreamUscream :

RCB nice medley–and free of charge too.

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4027/4368729353_ea028cc98e.jpg

Rate this comment: +22

Feb 18, 2010
6:05 pm

#48 groove is in da heart :

The albums on the poster are numbered 1, 2, 5, 3, 4.

Rate this comment: +18

Feb 18, 2010
6:10 pm

#49 ThisJustMakesMeSad :

Bruce WHO?!… Oh, *that guy*. Wasn’t he the boss of something or other… the mafia maybe?

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 18, 2010
6:20 pm

#50 turnaround :

“Shippig will be done professionally.”

Good to know. If anyone’s going to do my ship pig, I want it done professionally.

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 18, 2010
6:25 pm

#51 ThisJustMakesMeSad :

Looking closely at the shop, I think the talented artwork stems from the seller today, and the remaining crap is leftover from after school projects from 20 years ago.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 18, 2010
6:32 pm

#52 Wilma Fingerdoo :

This “decorative item” reads like a scam eye chart at Ripyaoff Vision Associates.

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 18, 2010
6:50 pm

#53 Patty has been abuducted by an alien :

We could totally blow this seller’s mind and introduce them to Rick Springfield and Dusty Springfield.

No, I swear, they’re brother and sister! *snerk*

Rate this comment: +23

Feb 18, 2010
6:55 pm

#54 bumKittens :

Damn, I love that “Derp” tag.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 18, 2010
6:59 pm

#55 geektastic :

Wow, take a nap and look what I miss.

#13 ISUS Screen capture fuckery FTW!

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 18, 2010
7:03 pm

#56 crazycatlady :

I’m pretty sure this is just the Springsteen page in the karaoke notebook down at the local Snookers pool hall.

Rate this comment: +22

Feb 18, 2010
7:07 pm

#57 jodirocks :

#39 & #38 lmao! im at work getting odd looks now. lol. maybe for that price the shippig means you get a professional pig with your order.

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 18, 2010
7:35 pm

#58 voxwoman :

#15 suda – I think this guy/gal/whatever missed the marketing opportunity – that saying needs to be printed on a sheet of 10 you-print-em business cards, and handed out to snarkers like us on an as-needed basis.

I dated the guy who “discovered” Bruce Springsteen. Boy was he creepy. And old. And this was about 20 years ago.

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 18, 2010
7:36 pm

#59 Thistle :

no, no its misspelled…..you get a shi pig. its like a ninja pig. the pork chops eat you, and all that.

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 18, 2010
7:40 pm

#60 innercitykitty :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35978986

Also in the store are various prints of Micelangelo drawings.

Convo her for prints of drawings of Hamsterlangelo, Guineapiglangelo, Ratlangelo and Ferretlangelo.

Rate this comment: +35

Feb 18, 2010
7:52 pm

#61 Snark-o-leptic Cesar :

Having just discovered Bruce?

She needs to spend less time on “handy guides”

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 18, 2010
8:03 pm

#62 Pablo Neurotic :

Holy crap! Now I know how to show my friends what it is like to have astigmatism!

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 18, 2010
8:10 pm

#63 Pablo Neurotic :

I wonder if she reads any of her advice signs to herself…
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35405529

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 18, 2010
8:13 pm

#64 nettlej :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=24182999

Gotta love the framing suggestion here. Totally appropriate – would look good with a shite mat.

Rate this comment: +14

Feb 18, 2010
8:19 pm

#65 IscreamUscream :

@innercitykitty Yeah– $10 is a bargain compared to a “Micelangelo” [sic] original.

Then again, anybody who took intro drawing has their originals on hand…

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 18, 2010
8:44 pm

#66 thatdingo :

I’m going to fold it up real small and tape it to my iPod.

Rate this comment: +31

Feb 18, 2010
9:24 pm

#67 Lola :

You know, at least she spells it Springsteen. My boyfriend was convinced that it was “Springstein” until I forcibly removed that misconception from his adorably thick head. And he’s 35 goddamn years old. Actually, he probably still doubts me (and Google/Wikipedia/album covers/Bruce Springsteen himself).

Rate this comment: +15

Feb 18, 2010
9:27 pm

#68 mtopia :

@ #35 I am pretty sure I got something like that to keep at the front of my binder when I was in middle school. I used the paper for note passing.

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 18, 2010
9:56 pm

#69 Skully :

Been comatose for a while,
Never even heard of this Bruce Springsteen guy.
One day I heard his song about Vietnam,
And I wanted to know which CD it’s on.
Born in the USA is on Born in the USA.
The song Born in the USA is on Born in the USA…

Rate this comment: +22

Feb 18, 2010
10:00 pm

#70 EverMind :

I’m sold on the $5 professional shipping.

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 18, 2010
10:03 pm

#71 jengantner :

Maybe the seller should discover what “copyright infringement” means.

Rate this comment: +15

Feb 18, 2010
11:07 pm

#72 snarkeygirl :

Hey #60 innercitykitty, weren’t they all friends of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 18, 2010
11:28 pm

#73 UnaBee :

“I was asking for sea shells, but that was before I looked up “money” on Wikipedia.”
Oh Helen. Best description ever. I almost snorted my Old Fashioned out my nose.
Time to pour another…

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 19, 2010
1:00 am

#74 Brandis :

It’s good to know that the, “Shippig will be done professionally.”…..

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 19, 2010
3:16 am

#75 mannequinreject :

The only thing I could think of with this…is the Bale Out Remix lol

“No fuck no!
(It’s $20)
What don’t you fucking understand!?!?!
(I just discovered Bruce Springsteen!)
Shippig is fucking done professionally”

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 19, 2010
5:06 am

#76 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=35413464

(Loving yourself leads to Loving others)

If you love yourself too much, you cant love yourself in front of anyone else

…………………….

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 19, 2010
6:26 am

#77 takilasunrise :

Again……..something you can find on the internet for FREE!

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 19, 2010
6:30 am

#78 Srsly :

A professionally-done shippig:

Rate this comment: +47

Feb 19, 2010
7:02 am

#79 catwithoutacause :

#79 thanks for making me snort coffee thru my nose!
have you all noticed the more these “artists” brag about awards and degrees, the worse they are? just sayin

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 19, 2010
7:07 am

#80 ravencrowneversmile :

The ‘Saying I’m sorry’ sign is my fucking favorite…..actually all the signs are my favorite.

But maybe the ‘Don’t open this refrigerator’ is my favorite of the favorites.

If you ever end up in rehab for something or other, these are all the signs you’ll see plastered on the walls of the communal rec-room.

Rate this comment: +14

Feb 19, 2010
7:10 am

#81 Efit :

OT – I need Regretsy fabric scraps! Spoonflower is way too expensive for the small amount I need. Anyone? Here’s a forum I started. Let’s see if the crazies come out to play since the word “Regretsy” is in the title:

http://www.etsy.com/forums_thread.php?thread_id=6442267

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 19, 2010
7:11 am

#82 catwithoutacause :

i think i need the “don’t judge” one for my wall

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 19, 2010
7:24 am

#83 Efit :

@#39 Holytape: I wanna sexx you up.

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 19, 2010
7:25 am

#84 lollywood :

love the “quit… while you’re ahead!” poster. someone should buy that and send it back to her.

also, can you imagine trying to read that much text on a 5×7? might as well just hang the track list from the actual cds on the wall!

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 19, 2010
8:05 am

#85 Efit :

OMG NO WAY I’M ON HOLD ON THE PHONE AT WORK AND “I WANNA SEXX YOU UP” IS ON. NO FREKIN’ WAY I CAN’T HELP BUT WRITE IN ALL CAPS!!

(for those of you utterly confused, I commented about an hour ago to #39’s Color Me Badd comment and now I hear them on the radio!!!)

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 19, 2010
8:29 am

#86 iamhydrogen14 :

I’m ordering a dozen of the “don’t open this refrigerator” signs to pass out at my Weight Watchers meeting. They’re going to have to pay for their own lamination or protective plastic sleeves though – I mean jeez, I’m not rich!

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 19, 2010
8:46 am

#87 babalu :

ummm….I see the seller is from Bryn Mawr – isn’t this in the U.S.? Does the seller not go out? Never been to a shopping mall? grocery store? elevator? How can she have never heard of Bruce Springsteen? holy shit.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 19, 2010
8:49 am

#88 Stretch65 :

I just discovered this great artist Simon N Garfunkle. HEAR! Listen to one of his songs its called “The Sound of Silence” :

Rate this comment: +16

Feb 19, 2010
8:55 am

#89 Efit :

@#88 babalu – Yeah no shit! Bryn Mawr is in PA, which is a neighboring state of NJ no less. Plus, the woman is a retired teacher, so she’s not like 12 or something.

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 19, 2010
9:14 am

#90 I am Bitter :

I’m a little late to the party….
http://www.twitpic.com/1456qf

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 19, 2010
12:15 pm

#91 mergatroid :

I found myself really diggin’ this hat, and then looked at her profile, and realized I went to the same miniscule, holistic horseshit school, Naropa University. Don’t get me wrong, I love (LOVE) my Alma Mater, but let me put it this way: I took a damn flower arranging class as part of the curriculum. We’re goddam freak hippies who needle felt owl hats.

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 19, 2010
12:17 pm

#92 mergatroid :

Crap, wrong post.

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 19, 2010
5:00 pm

#93 crb :

“For many years I was a teacher of improving study skills to students returning to college. It is very true that success will result if one studies hard the knowedge in any field that he or she pursues. It is so true of students of all ages that studying brings success. This sign is great as a reminder for everyone who wants to be successful to study hard in every learning situation.”
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35412190

WHAT THE FUCK

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 19, 2010
5:00 pm

#94 crb :

This makes up for it though: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=36214214

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 20, 2010
1:32 am

#95 Ravyncrow :

OK I didn’t read all the comments after I saw a few of these signs … $10 for a piece of card stock (which you can get for $10-14 a ream in some places) with a standard Windows font, put together with WordArt and then printed? $10? Really? This may be “hand made” but it’s sure not crafty or art.
I could be wrong though …
naaahhhh

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 20, 2010
8:46 am

#96 IscreamUscream :

@Srsly love shippig!

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 20, 2010
1:22 pm

#97 AreYouGoingToEatThatPickle :

Her “Graphic Design” prints make me wonder if perhaps she was a kindergarden teacher that got fired. ….selling these posters is her way of poo-pooing in the school board’s face

Rate this comment: +5