don’t let my mom know this exists. this is the type of crazy shit she’d try herself and end up burning her house down. and parents living with me at 32 because my mom is batshit crazy isn’t something I’d like to be a part of.
If by “cleansing” he means “light-all-your-shit-on-fire-so-your-house-burns-down-and-you-can-collect-insurance-money-to-buy-all-new-shit” then it would make a bit more sense to spend $180.
oh. wow. I mean over-the-phone psychics are bad enough but, wow. The best part is that if you still feel negativity it’s because a) you only paid for one room in the house to be cleaned, dumbass, instead of going whole-hog, as it were or b) your landlord found out you spent part of the rent money on this and is sending you bad vibes. Either way, you’d be better off catching fairies and releasing them individually in each room of your home.
I too, would enjoy a “Namaste Bitches!” T-shirt! Can you make it smell like insense, too? Then I can cleanse my house while wearing it…. ‘course, I’d have to do it the old-fashioned way, but I’d be sporting a fan-fuckin’-tastic t-shirt!
I used to work in a new age shop. This isn’t even possible in the way of doing a cleansing. The whole point to a “room cleansing” is to be there. IN the room. And I’ve never seen a room cleansing that involved explosions of fire.
So, not only is this “holistic horseshit” to the rest of the world, it gets labeled “bullshit” by the holistic world as well.
Did anyone else see that the seller tagged this item as “weird”?
Also, upon visiting his website, allipacha.com, I found this:
“From the shamanic perspective, it is no coincidence that you gaze at this web page at this moment. You have drawn this web site to you for a reason and purpose. Do you know why you are at this moment reading these words?”
Because I thought your etsy item was too much to believe and I was looking for how far this whimsicle fuckery went…
another thing- he doesn’t even list any “materials” in his listing.
i could give him some pointers to add these words to the listing besides killer’s aptly given hollistic horseshit:
bullshit, tomfoolery, sucker, gullible, trickery, deceit, wtf, say what
Someone bought one of these cleansings in December!!!
Here is the feedback the buyer left for him..
“I chose this ceremony in December so as to start the new year with a feeling of balance and peace, and I was not disappointed. Thank you, Tom Arcuti, for fascinating journey and candle ceremony long distance.”
Question. How did the buyer know there actually was a candle ceremony??
is that his little poodle going up in flames in the top right of the picture? if so, should i remove my cats from the house before the commencement of the internal cleansing ceremony?
Hey, he hearted my shop a while ago! Obviously his psychic power were weaker then, because I was never drawn to buy any of this holistic horse(*cough*)shit.
. . . . until today . . must expand awareness of self with selenite massage wand and rutilated elixirs . . . .
oh wait, I have a live-in sailor and olive oil, I’m good!
Unless he provides a video/DVD of the ceremony then doesn’t this listing violate Etsy policy? Not that I really give a shit, anyone so open to suggestion that they believe their lives can be improved by a long distance ceremony by some joker in pajamas is someone I want to sell a bridge. An invisible, mysticle rainbow bridge.
This also sucks cuz it makes a mockery of certain ancient practices held sacred by many tribes.
Reminds me of the yahoo conducting sweatlodge ceremonies where a few people died.Serious practicioners rightly labeled him a quack.
This Yaqui is wacky with a capital $.
#29 Efit – OMG – Selenite “massage wand” in one of our handmade batik drawstring pouches. Each wand is unique – I will choose one for you – about 6 inches long x 1 inch across – very comfortable in your hand and a powerful tool.
UUmm thanks a lot but I already have one – he comes over every Friday night after work. Shovels snow and takes out the garbage sometimes too.
If by too commercial, you mean too cruel to take money from the mentally deficient… then maybe…just maybe. But then again they would have more money to spend on things like glorified sticks labeled as fae wands…or whatever the hell that crap was called. hmmmm. Quite the conundrum.
@#50 PinwheelPeeWee – I flagged the holistic shit out of his shop (well, okay 2 flags b/c I’m adamant but lazy). While fodder for Regretsy, it’s total crap on Etsy, and they should know better than to let crap like this in the door. srsly
Too commercial?? Please! Etsy should see this guy as a liability. We all know how this ends! If you hire him, Craig T. Nelson shows up, throws up a half worm/half Julian Beck monster, and your house implodes into oblivion. Namaste to THAT bitches!
Jai guru deva om.
OMG OMG Someone has bought it before. I wonder if they are looking to adopt some adult children since they have that type of money to spend on BS.
12/16/2009 Feedback
“mari4contrari says:
I chose this ceremony in December so as to start the new year with a feeling of balance and peace, and I was not disappointed. Thank you, Tom Arcuti, for fascinating journey and candle ceremony long distance.”
Recovering Crack Baby
February 17, 2010 at 3:57 pm
#67 geektastic : Do you have a shop we can snoop around in. If you are close to IA come on over and pick up all the minerals you would like. I will swap some fuckery for it and don’t forget a napsack.
Not yet, someday. I do live in Illinois, wonder how long it would take to drive? And I do need regular old rocks for my garden, and can’t find a good place to harvest from around here.
Recovering Crack Baby
February 17, 2010 at 4:07 pm
Geektastic are you really SKULLY- where is Skully today? You can score a garden full of rocks from the farmer’s fields where you are if you ask. Most pile them up in a ditch so they don’t wreck there equipment. They have an attachment to put on a tractor to pick all of the rocks in there field. Prior to that being invented they spit out 10-15 kids so they would have the kids to do it.
@#79 geektastic. My friend is already freaked out about having his first colonoscopy on Friday. I made sure to send this along to him. Thank you for bringing a little bit of joy to my heart.
after the orange peel earrings, i thought this said it would result in “removal of *oranges* having an adverse effect on the environment and the people within it”. it doesn’t make any less sense than what the guy is really offering.
also, that magic wand/ glow-in-the-dark vibrator is the shit! “the release of judgment” = good euphemism for orgasm.
I’d also want my windows done and bathroom grout cleaned with a toothbrush for that kind of money. His corporeal presence in not far from mine, he could do the cleaning and cook up some blackened chicken while he’s here.
I think I need this service for when Basement Guy finally moves out of my house. The smell of scalp and patchouli will only be removed by employing a procedure which is vague, yet radical.
@IscreamUscream: Yes, and his name is Tom Arcuti, which is the name of the guy in the cult watch list. I have a tendency to check on the cult status of things like this before purchasing distance clearings from dudes who “look like Tommy Chong with an exploding Bong” (LMFAO).
I too am baffled by this kook and his ability to sell so much. Can’t be good that mothers are looking for him on Cult Info websites either..exploding farts…indeed he is the Shaman Of WhatTheFuckEver Never Land..
February 17, 2010 at 1:37 pm
So does this shit come via UPS / utterly &purely shit?
February 17, 2010 at 1:37 pm
Holistic Horseshit! Awesomesauce!
February 17, 2010 at 1:37 pm
don’t let my mom know this exists. this is the type of crazy shit she’d try herself and end up burning her house down. and parents living with me at 32 because my mom is batshit crazy isn’t something I’d like to be a part of.
February 17, 2010 at 1:39 pm
The spoof email has an error, by the way. Still says “April Winchell wrote”
(Shit. I fixed it – HK)
February 17, 2010 at 1:40 pm
Thank egods there is only 1 in stock.
February 17, 2010 at 1:40 pm
Can you offer distance colon cleansing too?
February 17, 2010 at 1:40 pm
I’d hire him but I don’t think he does windows.
Or so the Shamans of Imbacils told me.
February 17, 2010 at 1:41 pm
If by “cleansing” he means “light-all-your-shit-on-fire-so-your-house-burns-down-and-you-can-collect-insurance-money-to-buy-all-new-shit” then it would make a bit more sense to spend $180.
February 17, 2010 at 1:41 pm
“Namaste Bitches” Now that is a shirt that I want.
February 17, 2010 at 1:42 pm
Dude, you’re kidding, right? The Spirits of the Yachaqs (Shamans, duh) of Imbarura been ‘shroomin’s since last Friday.
February 17, 2010 at 1:42 pm
Meant Shamans of Imbeciles. Duh.
February 17, 2010 at 1:42 pm
#9: I second that.
February 17, 2010 at 1:43 pm
oh. wow. I mean over-the-phone psychics are bad enough but, wow. The best part is that if you still feel negativity it’s because a) you only paid for one room in the house to be cleaned, dumbass, instead of going whole-hog, as it were or b) your landlord found out you spent part of the rent money on this and is sending you bad vibes. Either way, you’d be better off catching fairies and releasing them individually in each room of your home.
February 17, 2010 at 1:44 pm
thank you, Helen, for including the “Beatles” “lyric”… made my day.
February 17, 2010 at 1:46 pm
oh my god, i adore you…that email conversation was hysterical. i especially liked the email signature with the infamous beatles quote. well done!!!
February 17, 2010 at 1:47 pm
Can he long distance clean my house? Like vacuuming and stuff?
February 17, 2010 at 1:47 pm
I too, would enjoy a “Namaste Bitches!” T-shirt! Can you make it smell like insense, too? Then I can cleanse my house while wearing it…. ‘course, I’d have to do it the old-fashioned way, but I’d be sporting a fan-fuckin’-tastic t-shirt!
February 17, 2010 at 1:48 pm
Please don’t squeeze the Shaman.
February 17, 2010 at 1:50 pm
Couldn’t you save yourself $177.50 and buy some Spic and Span and go to town?
February 17, 2010 at 1:50 pm
I’m getting a signal from the regretsey shaman council that the Namaste Bitches tee shirt would make fine regretsey merch.
February 17, 2010 at 1:52 pm
I used to work in a new age shop. This isn’t even possible in the way of doing a cleansing. The whole point to a “room cleansing” is to be there. IN the room. And I’ve never seen a room cleansing that involved explosions of fire.
So, not only is this “holistic horseshit” to the rest of the world, it gets labeled “bullshit” by the holistic world as well.
*braces for the thumbs-downers*
February 17, 2010 at 1:54 pm
awwww, Miss Patty, it’ll take the trolls at least an hour to find the new posting. You are safe . . . . . for now!
February 17, 2010 at 1:54 pm
Did anyone else see that the seller tagged this item as “weird”?
Also, upon visiting his website, allipacha.com, I found this:
“From the shamanic perspective, it is no coincidence that you gaze at this web page at this moment. You have drawn this web site to you for a reason and purpose. Do you know why you are at this moment reading these words?”
Because I thought your etsy item was too much to believe and I was looking for how far this whimsicle fuckery went…
February 17, 2010 at 1:55 pm
another thing- he doesn’t even list any “materials” in his listing.
i could give him some pointers to add these words to the listing besides killer’s aptly given hollistic horseshit:
bullshit, tomfoolery, sucker, gullible, trickery, deceit, wtf, say what
February 17, 2010 at 1:58 pm
so for $180, I can get an email saying my house is evil spirit free?
February 17, 2010 at 2:00 pm
This is exactly what my apartment needs: fire.
February 17, 2010 at 2:00 pm
A distance ceremony too commercial and inappropriate? Hells nah.
(now someone please explain me what the f*ck he’s talking about)
February 17, 2010 at 2:01 pm
Well, so long as it’s okay with the spirits.
Please, please, please put t-shirts in the shop that read, “Namaste, bitches!” I would totally buy one.
February 17, 2010 at 2:01 pm
Um……YIKES
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=40822368
February 17, 2010 at 2:02 pm
Someone bought one of these cleansings in December!!!
Here is the feedback the buyer left for him..
“I chose this ceremony in December so as to start the new year with a feeling of balance and peace, and I was not disappointed. Thank you, Tom Arcuti, for fascinating journey and candle ceremony long distance.”
Question. How did the buyer know there actually was a candle ceremony??
February 17, 2010 at 2:03 pm
is that his little poodle going up in flames in the top right of the picture? if so, should i remove my cats from the house before the commencement of the internal cleansing ceremony?
February 17, 2010 at 2:03 pm
Well, it’s nice to see someone get fired up about their job for a change.
February 17, 2010 at 2:05 pm
Crikey, his whole shop looks like he raided a new age shop’s close-out sale and is not selling the random items online.
February 17, 2010 at 2:05 pm
If anyone’s interested, I can send you disdain from afar for only $17.50. I can add a decorative frame for $11.35, but shipping is $27.84. U.S. only.
The export tariffs and custom headaches for international disdain are not to be believed.
February 17, 2010 at 2:05 pm
Etsy should hire this dude to distance cleanse all the crap out of their hosted shops.
February 17, 2010 at 2:06 pm
I can’t believe I just wasted 5 minutes of my life looking through his feedback!
February 17, 2010 at 2:07 pm
Hey, he hearted my shop a while ago! Obviously his psychic power were weaker then, because I was never drawn to buy any of this holistic horse(*cough*)shit.
. . . . until today . . must expand awareness of self with selenite massage wand and rutilated elixirs . . . .
oh wait, I have a live-in sailor and olive oil, I’m good!
February 17, 2010 at 2:08 pm
Unless he provides a video/DVD of the ceremony then doesn’t this listing violate Etsy policy? Not that I really give a shit, anyone so open to suggestion that they believe their lives can be improved by a long distance ceremony by some joker in pajamas is someone I want to sell a bridge. An invisible, mysticle rainbow bridge.
February 17, 2010 at 2:09 pm
This also sucks cuz it makes a mockery of certain ancient practices held sacred by many tribes.
Reminds me of the yahoo conducting sweatlodge ceremonies where a few people died.Serious practicioners rightly labeled him a quack.
This Yaqui is wacky with a capital $.
February 17, 2010 at 2:14 pm
Is this the same guy who’s on trial for manslaughter for killing a couple of people in a sweatlodge ceremony?
http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2009-10-26-sweat-lodge-self-help-James-Ray_N.htm
Where the hell are the Lakotas when you need them?
http://www.aics.org/war.html
February 17, 2010 at 2:14 pm
I think the spirits he consulted are on the table behind him.
In the end,
The money you make
Is equal to the love you sell
February 17, 2010 at 2:15 pm
#39 littykidder, LOL. Great minds…
February 17, 2010 at 2:25 pm
#29 Efit – OMG – Selenite “massage wand” in one of our handmade batik drawstring pouches. Each wand is unique – I will choose one for you – about 6 inches long x 1 inch across – very comfortable in your hand and a powerful tool.
UUmm thanks a lot but I already have one – he comes over every Friday night after work. Shovels snow and takes out the garbage sometimes too.
February 17, 2010 at 2:31 pm
Someone bought this???? I’m sending them distance disdain and distance disbelief for free.
February 17, 2010 at 2:32 pm
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=6169239
Now were talkin!
February 17, 2010 at 2:40 pm
Ow! Too pointy. Now that “selenite” wand…
Selenite is apparently a form of gypsum. Doesn’t sound as spiritual.
February 17, 2010 at 2:40 pm
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=36558296
http://curezone.com/ig/i.asp?i=649
OK I’m ready for lots of red thumbs on this one.
February 17, 2010 at 2:44 pm
mote it be, bitches!
February 17, 2010 at 2:47 pm
Ohhhh, I get by with a little help from my friends.
{Spirit of Joe Cocker}
February 17, 2010 at 2:54 pm
If by too commercial, you mean too cruel to take money from the mentally deficient… then maybe…just maybe. But then again they would have more money to spend on things like glorified sticks labeled as fae wands…or whatever the hell that crap was called. hmmmm. Quite the conundrum.
February 17, 2010 at 2:55 pm
@#43 clevercat – Tell him to stop by my house afterwards.
February 17, 2010 at 2:56 pm
@#50 PinwheelPeeWee – I flagged the holistic shit out of his shop (well, okay 2 flags b/c I’m adamant but lazy). While fodder for Regretsy, it’s total crap on Etsy, and they should know better than to let crap like this in the door. srsly
February 17, 2010 at 3:03 pm
**@myself- Crikey, his whole shop looks like he raided a new age shop’s close-out sale and is not selling the random items online.**
NOW- he’s NOW selling them. Damn you typos! DAMN YOU TO HELL! *shakes angry fist at keyboard*
February 17, 2010 at 3:14 pm
“consultation with the Spirits of the Yachaqs (Shamans) of Imbabura”=phone call from collection agency/loan shark/kid at college needing $$$
February 17, 2010 at 3:17 pm
You keep doing cleansings like that…you’re bound to make an ash of yourself!
February 17, 2010 at 3:19 pm
Let’s all hold hands and chant….
Owatta goo Siam!
February 17, 2010 at 3:20 pm
I consulted with my Insurance Adjuster and he said 65% of all home fires are due to , Holistic Horseshit.
OMG- Helen that is the fucking best.
February 17, 2010 at 3:28 pm
Shamans – but you can call me Sham for short.
February 17, 2010 at 3:29 pm
#51 Efit : Would you really take in a 6 incher after he has had his hands all over clevercat’s garbage.
February 17, 2010 at 3:35 pm
Well, shit, I missed his Energetic Protection Workshop – it was only $100! http://eventful.com/events/energetic-protection-workshop-tom-arcuti-yachaq-/E0-001-018840311-3
February 17, 2010 at 3:39 pm
And holy shit again! This guy has had 695 sales. All kidding aside, it makes me wonder what the hell I am doing wrong in my Etsy shop!
February 17, 2010 at 3:42 pm
Mmmm, looks like he’s trying to kill something with fire. Like the sofa.
Recovering Crack Baby, i think I know what you’re allergic to:
http://i761.photobucket.com/albums/xx256/geektastic_whimsy/Regretsy%20NSFW/wf_allergy_hh_neck.png
February 17, 2010 at 3:43 pm
Bet those sales are of rocks. Some of them are quite pretty, as just specimens. Don’t know about the prices, haven’t priced minerals lately.
February 17, 2010 at 3:47 pm
It’s called a ‘distance cleansing’ because no one wants to get anywhere near a guy who spits fireballs.
February 17, 2010 at 3:48 pm
#63- may I be so bold as to ask why you have not priced minerals lately and what have you been pricing in place of that?
February 17, 2010 at 3:48 pm
Too commercial?? Please! Etsy should see this guy as a liability. We all know how this ends! If you hire him, Craig T. Nelson shows up, throws up a half worm/half Julian Beck monster, and your house implodes into oblivion. Namaste to THAT bitches!
Jai guru deva om.
February 17, 2010 at 3:51 pm
OMG OMG Someone has bought it before. I wonder if they are looking to adopt some adult children since they have that type of money to spend on BS.
12/16/2009 Feedback
“mari4contrari says:
I chose this ceremony in December so as to start the new year with a feeling of balance and peace, and I was not disappointed. Thank you, Tom Arcuti, for fascinating journey and candle ceremony long distance.”
February 17, 2010 at 3:52 pm
Why, whimsicle fuckery, of course!
February 17, 2010 at 3:53 pm
Add the orange peel earrings. Win!!
February 17, 2010 at 3:54 pm
LEFTFOOT-I will adopt you………….after you tell me what kinda baggage comes with.
February 17, 2010 at 3:57 pm
#67 geektastic : Do you have a shop we can snoop around in. If you are close to IA come on over and pick up all the minerals you would like. I will swap some fuckery for it and don’t forget a napsack.
February 17, 2010 at 3:59 pm
Not yet, someday. I do live in Illinois, wonder how long it would take to drive? And I do need regular old rocks for my garden, and can’t find a good place to harvest from around here.
February 17, 2010 at 4:00 pm
You are not supposed to use your abilities for personal gain. DUH thats like CHARMED 101.
On a serious note, I know a few wiccan/pagans and native americans and they would not be pleased.
February 17, 2010 at 4:07 pm
Geektastic are you really SKULLY- where is Skully today? You can score a garden full of rocks from the farmer’s fields where you are if you ask. Most pile them up in a ditch so they don’t wreck there equipment. They have an attachment to put on a tractor to pick all of the rocks in there field. Prior to that being invented they spit out 10-15 kids so they would have the kids to do it.
February 17, 2010 at 4:11 pm
If I squint at the monitor, the photo looks like Tommy Chong with a bong exploding!
I am all up for a namaste bitches t! I’d even wear it to yoga
February 17, 2010 at 4:13 pm
Here you go Super snark!
http://www.zazzle.com/namaste_bitches_tshirt-235571864552084723
Thanks be to HK
February 17, 2010 at 4:14 pm
Oooh, ooh! This one just came to me…. Sham an you for selling this “service”! Sham an you! I slay me… *yawn*
February 17, 2010 at 4:20 pm
OOOH! Thank you almighty HK and FootofCanal, my lucky day the unemplyoment check came
February 17, 2010 at 4:22 pm
#73 RCB-no, no, I wondered where Skully was too. In my extensive lurkage, I have gotten used to certain people being around ^_^
Good idea on the rocks, we’re not too far from farm land (here in suburbia)
Someone asked for this
http://s761.photobucket.com/albums/xx256/geektastic_whimsy/Regretsy%20NSFW/?action=view¤t=long_distance_colon_cleanse.png
February 17, 2010 at 4:28 pm
That email. How to add to the snark?
He could try harder with that space cleansing…because I smell the BS from here.
February 17, 2010 at 4:48 pm
Does the $180 include insurance? I mean, what with those blowtorches and all…
February 17, 2010 at 4:54 pm
If we’re all evil, as stated in a forum somewhere, would I burst into flames if I purchased this?
February 17, 2010 at 4:59 pm
Ah yes…the ancient Shamanic cleansing process only come with one rule: “Kill it with fire.”*
*Non flammable pseudo-hoodoo/voodoo/holy man/shaman costume not included.
February 17, 2010 at 5:01 pm
You think this guy is full of crap?
http://www.nibiruancouncil.com/html/guide_comm_workshop.html
February 17, 2010 at 5:01 pm
#73 you are so right! he’s making bad mojo
February 17, 2010 at 5:05 pm
@#79 geektastic. My friend is already freaked out about having his first colonoscopy on Friday. I made sure to send this along to him. Thank you for bringing a little bit of joy to my heart.
February 17, 2010 at 5:18 pm
You think for 20 bucks he’ll do a distance cleansing of just the litterbox?
Also, add my voice to those eager for a “Namaste, Bitches!” shirt.
February 17, 2010 at 5:32 pm
after the orange peel earrings, i thought this said it would result in “removal of *oranges* having an adverse effect on the environment and the people within it”. it doesn’t make any less sense than what the guy is really offering.
also, that magic wand/ glow-in-the-dark vibrator is the shit! “the release of judgment” = good euphemism for orgasm.
February 17, 2010 at 5:41 pm
“gyp”sum !!!! – and i apologize to all gypsies for the racist remark-i am one by the way!
February 17, 2010 at 5:50 pm
The shaman of the what and what?
Oh I will be a shaman too.
I’m a shaman of the Buymyscamica of the imperial Givemeyourmoneymanamana.
February 17, 2010 at 5:50 pm
He should have stuck with his first instinct. Thanks a lot, Spirits of whatthefuckever.
February 17, 2010 at 6:08 pm
#70 Recovering Crack Baby : no baggage really. Just a mr. and 2 dogs.
February 17, 2010 at 6:25 pm
#92-I will take you then- if we don’t like the Mr. we have thousand’s of acres out here to bury him in.
February 17, 2010 at 9:15 pm
I used to pay $180.00 then I learned to light my farts on fire for free!
February 18, 2010 at 7:01 am
Call Ghostbusters!
February 18, 2010 at 7:25 am
I’d also want my windows done and bathroom grout cleaned with a toothbrush for that kind of money. His corporeal presence in not far from mine, he could do the cleaning and cook up some blackened chicken while he’s here.
February 18, 2010 at 9:40 am
So, I’m pretty sure there is at least a REMOTE possibility that this guy is the leader of a small cult:
http://forum.rickross.com/read.php?12,10038,10042
February 18, 2010 at 9:54 am
I think I need this service for when Basement Guy finally moves out of my house. The smell of scalp and patchouli will only be removed by employing a procedure which is vague, yet radical.
February 18, 2010 at 10:10 am
@mergatroid
AliPacha is this guy’s Etsy ID too.
That puts a whole new dark spin on things.
February 18, 2010 at 10:42 am
@IscreamUscream: Yes, and his name is Tom Arcuti, which is the name of the guy in the cult watch list. I have a tendency to check on the cult status of things like this before purchasing distance clearings from dudes who “look like Tommy Chong with an exploding Bong” (LMFAO).
February 18, 2010 at 11:48 am
why on earth would a bong explode? unless it was filled with hydrogen.
which is badass, by the way.
oh the humanity!
February 20, 2010 at 7:08 am
it seems like the highlighted part basically says he consulted himself.
May 15, 2010 at 10:31 pm
I too am baffled by this kook and his ability to sell so much. Can’t be good that mothers are looking for him on Cult Info websites either..exploding farts…indeed he is the Shaman Of WhatTheFuckEver Never Land..