wtf is mote it be? that’s not even in my voodoo to english dictionary!
so lemme get this right. have a craving. say a spell~speaking directly inTO the ring? or what?~ and if that doesn’t work, drink a glass of water and you won’t be hungry anymore.
well slap my mamma and jenny craig, too!
know what else burns calories? running away from villagers when they want to burn you at the stake for witchcraft.
“…This is a paranormal item that has been tested as active and I cannot be held accountable or responsible for its behavior”
What kind of ‘behavior’ are we talking about here–a sordid night on the town? Performing “magick” without a license–what? File under “not remotely handmade”–the ring is yet another tourist trinket, from India.
Horseshit and then some. I think it should also be logged under “not remotely hand made.” Is Etsy actually allowing re-selling of cheap imported jewelry with the “handmade” factor being that it’s imbued with powerful magickal energy? Seriously????
Where’s my barf bag… it’s working already and I didn’t even buy it.
After reading her profile, I realize that this lady reminds me of my mother-in-law. It explains a lot, actually. My mother-in-law claims the ghost of her cat haunts her house, and that she can see it. She was also a single mom, like this lady. Now I know what she does in her spare time!
I’m so silly. I always thought that Etsy was for hand crafted items. Thank you Regretsy for enlightening me. Now I don’t have to make the long drive to Magickals-R-Us. I can have all my supernatural needs met from the comfort of my own home.
I’m guessing wearing this would cause my finger to turn green, thus destroying any appetite I have.
I once had a roommate (a 20-something, college educated woman) who left food offerings out for the fairies. I’d find little bits of rotting food and flowers scattered all over the house. This is the kind of shit she’d buy.
I think maybe it works because the ring is so godawful tacky that one glimpse makes you lose your appetite for everything except cigarettes and Wild Turkey.
Forget the ring, the ring is bubkis! It’s the shop announcement you have to see! This woman lives in a very elaborate and carefully nickel-and-dimed fantasy land.
“Law requirement states that Readings, Spells and paranormal objects are for sole entertainment purposes only. I cannot be held responsible for any related behavior that may occur.
By purchasing this magickal you are doing so at your own risk, and agreeing that I am not liable for any occurrences resulting from this powerful spirit.”
1. ‘related behavior that may occur’ – as in you’ll wonder what you were thinking
2. Is there a secret storque article on bad grammar we don’t know…
whoa. looking at her flickr photostream, I can almost smell the ganja wafting through the monitor to my nostrils. is that this otherworldly entity she’s talking about?
ps- i am no weight-loss guru, but usually it is a known fact that if you are trying to lose weight, to drink a lot of water. so that really isn’t some magickal formula…duh.
I don’t know what’s worse … a vendor of psychic clap-trap on Etsy … or the fact that the “Vintage” category allows just about anything to be listed. Junk from your closet or stuff just arrived from India. I lived in India 20 years and I know my stuff. And I’m several decades more vintage than this ring!!!!!
From her shop: “Please Note: Additional questions and emails with extensive questions increase the cost.
A question constitutes as one sentence with one question mark. You are allowed to clarify your question without additional cost.
This restriction is due to the number of individuals that ask 5 different unrelated questions and label it as one question. I understand that people are curious about their entities, but I also need to be compensated for my time and energy.”
I’ve got all kinds of crap laying around that I can cast spells on. “Majickal sunglasses. Wear when the sun hurts your eyes. So mote it be.” “Majickle button off of my old shirt. It will cure your constipation. And if not, take some exlax. So mote it be.” “Maajukil condom. Helps you get laid. If it doesn’t work, it’s because you don’t have the right attitude and are applying it inappropriately. So mote it be.”
<<>>
from the description
I think she forgot to include “enspellated” if she had that tag on there, it might appeal to the more esoteric people out there..
Aww fuck!! who am I kidding…? it looks like a fucking stoplight + it, I believe< is a total whack-job's piece of 'Magickal' bullshit
This fills me stabby, stabby rage. Not only hawking some worthless piece of junk she prob found at a yard sale but also preying on people’s desperation over weight loss. May the seller spend eternity swimming laps in an olympic-sized pool filled with her own bullshit.
#45, great point, Lemon-y… as I’ve still not been on her page to read this
(quote from lemon)
— From her shop: {“Please Note: Additional questions and emails with extensive questions increase the cost….
but I also need to be compensated for my time and energy.”}—
If the craving doesn’t go away, say it again and drink one cup of water. If the craving STILL doesn’t go away, say it again and eat one magickal chocolate cream pie. Mote it be.”
#46 Veracity :
I’ve got all kinds of crap laying around that I can cast spells on. “Majickal sunglasses. Wear when the sun hurts your eyes. So mote it be.” “Majickle button off of my old shirt. It will cure your constipation. And if not, take some exlax. So mote it be.” “Maajukil condom. Helps you get laid. If it doesn’t work, it’s because you don’t have the right attitude and are applying it inappropriately. So mote it be.”
I want a holistic horseshit ring that will let me eat all the donuts, red meat, cheese refried beans made with lard PLUS comsume all the beer I want and NOT gain weight!!!!!
“This Sanguine Vampire is 4,233 years old, he has shoulder length blond hair, blue eyes, medium build, light complexion and appears about 30 years old. He resides in the Otherworld, in France, with his wife and three children.
Although he is not the head of his House of 30 Vampires, he is relied upon for protection in times of need. This House of Vampires is spread through 10 different homes, and they have a keep of
A note to the community: I’ve just got to wonder if there is some jealous shrew who goes around and gives a thumbs down to any comment that’s garnered many thumbs ups? Case in point: Skully’s Comment of the Day. Anyone else notice this? Is there some jealousy? Oh, and I fully expect this to get a thumbs down so have at it, oh Predictable One.
Skully is ver, ver amusing, thank you! This ring and description made me think of Thinner, by Stephen King. What if you over-use the ring?! *shuddering*
snarkymcbitterson- we get thumbs down even on the posts when there is NON-snark involved (like winediva’s hats for charity, etc.)…some a-hole just has way too much time on their hands
#68 I just clicked on your link
teeheehee… if this vampire is so dedicated to his wife, then why did he agree to be put into this (genie bottle} ahem…rock for all of eternity in order to watch over his human. of which, he only requires 1 drop of blood to get the action started?
hmmm, the things I think of whilst on regretsy….i think i’m getting smarter by the minute.
Magickal sunvisors. Get your magickal sunvisors!
They will give you the brainpower of Steven Hawing!
Don’t like sunvisors?
Magickal reading glasses. They will help you see into the future.
Work with me here,people. I got to unload this crap from the 99 cent store.
@ razberries, Thanks for the response. Poor little pathetic a-hole. it must suck to only have an anonymous thumbs down button to assert yourself in this world. Poor, poor little un-clever tiny a-hole. Maybe we should take up a donation for them.
Wow, comment of the day! Thanks guys! How about this one: James Brown/Papa’s Got a Charging Bag? It’s 4PM and I really need a Snickers, mote it be, mote it be…
when did etsy start allowing infomercials from fucktards hocking “magickal” ugly jewelry?
“Wear this ring and when you feel like temptation is about to take over, tell yourself, “I will not eat or drink this (say out loud whatever it is). I love my body and I want what is best for it. Mote it be.” The craving will stop. If the craving doesn’t go away, then say it again and drink one cup of water.”
@Kitty–so I wonder how any 4,233 year old, self-respecting vampire would let themselves be trapped in cheap jewelry? Hold off for the good stuff–nothing less than Cartier.
Honestly–this stuff’s a fun read because these bizarre accounts confuse my brain cells–without any substance abuse.
Hey SloGin: Yes, I’m finding an alarming number of people lack the sarcasm/irony gene for this site. Or maybe they’re the artist (spell-caster?) in question. Regardless, I gave you a thumbs up!! ThumbzUp4Lyfe!
on top of everything else wrong with this hot wiccan mess of an item, that’s not even a natural blue quartz, it’s dyed rock crystal quartz, natural blue quartz has a shitload of internal fracturing and is slightly translucent and a more milkier shade.
and those carnelians are shit too. fun fact, carnelian is also quartz. crystal hippies get on my TITS.
Tsk tsk tsk… The forgot the quack miranda warning to keep them from getting in trouble: “These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.” http://scienceblogs.com/denialism/2008/03/quack_miranda_warning.php
I’m a bit concerned about how the ring would “behave” from misusue or abuse.
Does this mean if you wear the ring while raiding the fridge after midnight, the ring will change into a little green demon and attack you?
wait wait wait…are you telling me that all I need in order to lose weight is a flippin ring? I’ve been doing all this damn work, and all I ever needed was a damn ring?
&%*$?#*@!!!!!
Does Jillian Michaels know about this? If she does I’m going to kick her ass for running me through these damn workouts!
(weight loss can’t have anything to do with saying “I’m not going to eat this” and then drinking water will it? Seems like that is a pretty common weight loss staple)
hi kimmer, yes it was! LOL
so that is odd? oh well…it was me in my regretsy tee…i just was gonna put it on here for a couple of days b/c it had hearts in the background.
i am lucky i have any avatar at all. or gravatar. whatever the heck it is…this technology really is over my head!
You know, the idea of a ring to wear as a reminder to put down that tub of deep fried lard and pick up some fresh fruit is not such a bad one, but then this lady has to go all majykkall and claim the ring itself is imbued with the power to make you stop eating crap and make better decisions. Forget this shit and put the $50 toward some workout clothes and a gym membership.
Typical- she can’t even say what type of gemstones are in the ring. That’s where REAL VALUE lies.
*sigh* these quacks are making all gemstone jewelers look bad. We’re not all this apeshit, I promise you. Some of us actually make quality pretty jewelry without claiming that it will make you lose weight or spurt out ten babies when you’re 65 or gain the ability to talk to your dead cat or some shit.
Oh for crying out loud. This nutter lives in my city. Remind me to lock the doors and put out extra faerie food for the faerie security guards to keep her away from my kids.
I stand corrected- she did list the stones. I don’t retract anything else I said though.
And skully- your comment made me choke on my Cherry Garcia ice cream bar. Which won’t make me fat cause I happen to be wearing a gemstone ring. Right? …Right?
Ah, so this is what I’ve been doing wrong all the time. I haven’t been using a magickal ring to lose weight and I haven’t been enspelling my jewelry to make it sell. I wonder if she sells the spells alone?
This ring is like The Picture of Dorian Gray. I’m pretty sure for every pound you lose, the ring tarnishes just a little bit more, until there is nothing left but a chunk of charcoal hanging off of your bony, claw-like finger.
I’ll take two!
Let’s see, I want lots of money, a new car and world peace. Jeez, I’m surprised no one else has picked up on this – or maybe that’s Donald Trump’s secret.
No.
No no no.
NONONONONONONO.
This is gross.
I don’t believe in any majigickacal anything- but I think if such forces were real and possible to harness or trap in a piece of jewelry, trying to use them to lose weight or get money would be the most base bullshit. Isn’t that like praying for a fancy car? Please, god/s/dess, take time out of your celestial whateverthefuck to give me a car and a tight ass. Gross.
@willandort–Incredibly, that is worse. Vintage? Hell…that’s fresh off the boat, and it looks glass to me, with a *classy* solder job. $2 hippy fair ring.
With my ever so precious gem encrusted double penile pronged crystal tipped rainbow feathered enspelled enameled & shellacked wanky wand , I command the big
cheese at etsy to have a little quality control control.
Dude, I put an avatar in Gravatar, but it only seems connected to my e-mail account. Hate to sound stupid, but are there instructions anywhere to get it in *here*?
But wait, if you act right now we’ll throw in this super love spell worth 20 dollars!
It’s all very infomercial-like. Except for the disclaimer part about it not being for those who don’t want change. That sounds more like the side-effects portion of a drug commercial.
Yeah, the “I will not eat…I love my body….” blablabla…it’s called AFFIRMATIONS. Basic principle of psychology, particularly associated with cognitive behavioral therapy.
Ain’t no “majick” about it (even if you spell magic right).
“Because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.”
my favorite part is the disclaimers:
“By purchasing you agree that activities may or may not occur and I am not responsible of any related issues. You must be 18 years of age to make this purchase; you solely agree that your purchase is subject to your own interpretation.”
insofar as that last part makes any sense, it’s pretty hilarious.
Question: What’s better than a gift that says, “Honey, you’re fat,.. really, really fat. I mean the only difference between you and a beached whale is that the whale doesn’t go back for thirds at the Old Country Buffet. But now that I told you that you are morbidly obese, I want you to know that I don’t care enough about you to do anything for you that would actually help you. Happy Valentine’s Day”?
I’m an attorney, and I’m totally going to sneak the phrase:
“Legal disclaimer: By purchasing you agree that activities may or may not occur and I am not responsible of any related issues.”
in as many of my contracts as possible. Clients never read their crap anyway, so I doubt they’ll notice. And it will make for interesting litigation if a situation arises.
Item the First. A person can believe in spells and holistic horseshit and STILL see this as stupid, weird, and dishonest. Even we have standards. And the Mote It Be song rocks.
Item the Second, on #68: Dude, how much must it blow to be a half-price vampire?
This ring is cursed. I’ve read Stephen King’s “Thinner” and I know that you don’t want to be pissin’ off no gypsy woman.
Eat the pie or you’ll waste away, bitch!
Interesting tidbit from her profile: “If there is a spirit that interests you, and you don’t see it on the list above…it doesn’t mean I can’t help you. However, I am not Demon Master…I’ll leave that to other sellers.”
Gee I’m sure glad to know she isn’t a Demon Master. But I think enslaving spirits and binding them to pieces of cheap jewelry might be a tad demonic.
If she actually thinks she’s doing this stuff, and not just spinning a tale, I’d hate to experience the vibes…
Nice escape hatch. “It only works for those who are ready.” So if it doesn’t work, it’s the buyer’s fault for not being “ready” and not the seller for selling ridiculous con-artist and/or delusional bullshit.
Aw come on! As an actual Wiccan I hate that people like this make such a mockery of my religion! This reminds me of the olden days when people like this traveled from door to door with snake oil and salves. Unfortunately now they can reach a much broader audience with the world wide web!
So, Ghosthunters, with all their elaborate equipment can barely catch a shadow or hear a voice or get a spirit to respond to questions or get them to move something………….but this lady has them lined up and ready to sell on Etsy. Complete with a 35 page interview and they answer your questions.
And what are you supposed to do with a spirit once you get it. Does it clean your house? Do your laundry? Give you the winning lotto numbers?
I’m sorry, if someone asked me about my new laboridite pendant and I told them it was a vessel holding a 4,000 year old vampire….well, lets just say they’d be holding a family meeting to decide where I would be spending the next few weeks.
February 12, 2010 at 1:36 pm
“Happy Valentine’s Day, honey. Here, you need to lose some weight.”
February 12, 2010 at 1:36 pm
“To boost the potential of this spell, I have cast an Activation and Triple Charge spells. This spell work is worth $20.00 alone.”
So, is there some sort of Spell Activation Committee that sets the value of magickal fuckery? And now I have to wonder what you’d get for $30.
February 12, 2010 at 1:37 pm
I would like for her to stay away from my magickal, thank you very much. It gets all the energy boosts it needs.
February 12, 2010 at 1:37 pm
I feel stupider… I mean skinnier… already!
February 12, 2010 at 1:38 pm
the knuckle in the picture is pretty meaty – huess the model was too immature, despite those liver spots. Mote it be!
February 12, 2010 at 1:38 pm
The most practical item yet.
February 12, 2010 at 1:40 pm
AYFKM!?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???
February 12, 2010 at 1:41 pm
Is the bag full of refer???
February 12, 2010 at 1:42 pm
I can hear the ring wearer chanting “I will not eat this 5 plate of food” as they stand in line at the Old Country Buffet.
February 12, 2010 at 1:42 pm
wtf is mote it be? that’s not even in my voodoo to english dictionary!
so lemme get this right. have a craving. say a spell~speaking directly inTO the ring? or what?~ and if that doesn’t work, drink a glass of water and you won’t be hungry anymore.
well slap my mamma and jenny craig, too!
know what else burns calories? running away from villagers when they want to burn you at the stake for witchcraft.
February 12, 2010 at 1:46 pm
Nothing says “weight loss gemstone woowoo rings do not work” like said ring being a size 8 1/2 and non-adjustable.
February 12, 2010 at 1:46 pm
“…This is a paranormal item that has been tested as active and I cannot be held accountable or responsible for its behavior”
What kind of ‘behavior’ are we talking about here–a sordid night on the town? Performing “magick” without a license–what? File under “not remotely handmade”–the ring is yet another tourist trinket, from India.
February 12, 2010 at 1:47 pm
Horseshit and then some. I think it should also be logged under “not remotely hand made.” Is Etsy actually allowing re-selling of cheap imported jewelry with the “handmade” factor being that it’s imbued with powerful magickal energy? Seriously????
Where’s my barf bag… it’s working already and I didn’t even buy it.
February 12, 2010 at 1:48 pm
If you read her profile, she has a corn snake on camera for feedings. HUH? She’s a damn snake oil seller!
February 12, 2010 at 1:48 pm
I just know if I bought this I would want to use it inappropriately like to knock some sense into myself.
OMG “the bag can not be washed” all I can say is thank god she is not making Magickal weight loss underwear!
February 12, 2010 at 1:50 pm
#15 clever, I had the same underwear thought with a snort.
February 12, 2010 at 1:52 pm
#10 It’s Gardenerian Wiccan. “As I will, so mote it be” is a common tying close to spells and charms. It means “Amen.”
February 12, 2010 at 1:52 pm
After reading her profile, I realize that this lady reminds me of my mother-in-law. It explains a lot, actually. My mother-in-law claims the ghost of her cat haunts her house, and that she can see it. She was also a single mom, like this lady. Now I know what she does in her spare time!
February 12, 2010 at 1:54 pm
I’m so silly. I always thought that Etsy was for hand crafted items. Thank you Regretsy for enlightening me. Now I don’t have to make the long drive to Magickals-R-Us. I can have all my supernatural needs met from the comfort of my own home.
February 12, 2010 at 1:55 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 12, 2010 at 1:57 pm
I’m guessing wearing this would cause my finger to turn green, thus destroying any appetite I have.
I once had a roommate (a 20-something, college educated woman) who left food offerings out for the fairies. I’d find little bits of rotting food and flowers scattered all over the house. This is the kind of shit she’d buy.
February 12, 2010 at 1:57 pm
It works because every time you look at the ring you remember that you shelled out $50 bucks for it, and you lose your appetite.
February 12, 2010 at 1:58 pm
WOW! I feel $50 lighter!
February 12, 2010 at 2:03 pm
I think maybe it works because the ring is so godawful tacky that one glimpse makes you lose your appetite for everything except cigarettes and Wild Turkey.
February 12, 2010 at 2:04 pm
wait are you supposed to wear the ring or eat it?
February 12, 2010 at 2:08 pm
Forget the ring, the ring is bubkis! It’s the shop announcement you have to see! This woman lives in a very elaborate and carefully nickel-and-dimed fantasy land.
February 12, 2010 at 2:18 pm
“Law requirement states that Readings, Spells and paranormal objects are for sole entertainment purposes only. I cannot be held responsible for any related behavior that may occur.
By purchasing this magickal you are doing so at your own risk, and agreeing that I am not liable for any occurrences resulting from this powerful spirit.”
1. ‘related behavior that may occur’ – as in you’ll wonder what you were thinking
2. Is there a secret storque article on bad grammar we don’t know…
February 12, 2010 at 2:18 pm
whoa. looking at her flickr photostream, I can almost smell the ganja wafting through the monitor to my nostrils. is that this otherworldly entity she’s talking about?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/spiritrealm/
February 12, 2010 at 2:19 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 12, 2010 at 2:19 pm
Fill MY vessel!
February 12, 2010 at 2:20 pm
*results not typical
…they’re MAJICKAL!
February 12, 2010 at 2:24 pm
I read her profile, I had to, and I am sorry. I suppose no one has told her that photographic ‘orbs’ are dust.
February 12, 2010 at 2:25 pm
WARNING!
This ring will not protect you against +5 Chocolate Cake or Chaotic Evil Pastry Chefs!
February 12, 2010 at 2:28 pm
Great! Here I’ve been doing it the hard way with proper diet habits and regular exercise!
Now I can sit on my ass and eat whatever I want! Thank you, Magickal Weight Loss ring!
To think, I went and had knee replacement surgery just so I could walk again! I could have just found a magickal ring!
I’m using way too many !! in my post today!! See!?
February 12, 2010 at 2:28 pm
#33 I heartily guffaw at ‘+5 chocolate cake’ – that’s my next dinner assignment!
February 12, 2010 at 2:29 pm
(Beatles/Let It Be)
When you find yourself in line at Popeye’s,
Taco Bell or Tastee Freeze,
Magick ring will help you, mote it be.
And in your hour of hunger,
Trust holistic horseshit jewelry.
Magick ring will help you, mote it be.
Mote it be, mote it be, mote it be, mote it be.
Drink more water then say, “Mote it be.”
February 12, 2010 at 2:32 pm
i hate that MAGICKAL spelling of magic.
bleh. i also didn’t know my “magickal” had any negative energy in it.
learn something new every day!!!
February 12, 2010 at 2:32 pm
This really makes me embarrassed to be Wiccan.
But “Mote it be/Convo Me” is really funny.
February 12, 2010 at 2:32 pm
One ring to fleece them all
One ring to shaft them
One ring of whimsicle fuckery
and so to magickally graft them
February 12, 2010 at 2:33 pm
akully, AWESOME as always…lolll
ps- i am no weight-loss guru, but usually it is a known fact that if you are trying to lose weight, to drink a lot of water. so that really isn’t some magickal formula…duh.
February 12, 2010 at 2:35 pm
The only thing made lighter by this ring is the buyer’s wallet.
February 12, 2010 at 2:36 pm
@ Skull, @MinnePurl
awesomesauce!
So lemme get this straight–the “spirit world” has no problem with some lady in Lincoln using “magick” for shameless profiteering? Yeah, ok
February 12, 2010 at 2:36 pm
At least the punk/alien ring is adjustable.
February 12, 2010 at 2:40 pm
I don’t know what’s worse … a vendor of psychic clap-trap on Etsy … or the fact that the “Vintage” category allows just about anything to be listed. Junk from your closet or stuff just arrived from India. I lived in India 20 years and I know my stuff. And I’m several decades more vintage than this ring!!!!!
February 12, 2010 at 2:41 pm
From her shop: “Please Note: Additional questions and emails with extensive questions increase the cost.
A question constitutes as one sentence with one question mark. You are allowed to clarify your question without additional cost.
This restriction is due to the number of individuals that ask 5 different unrelated questions and label it as one question. I understand that people are curious about their entities, but I also need to be compensated for my time and energy.”
February 12, 2010 at 2:42 pm
I’ve got all kinds of crap laying around that I can cast spells on. “Majickal sunglasses. Wear when the sun hurts your eyes. So mote it be.” “Majickle button off of my old shirt. It will cure your constipation. And if not, take some exlax. So mote it be.” “Maajukil condom. Helps you get laid. If it doesn’t work, it’s because you don’t have the right attitude and are applying it inappropriately. So mote it be.”
Wow, I could do this ALL day.
February 12, 2010 at 2:44 pm
I just finished reading her shop announcement. WTF!?
#36 Skully- good one!!!!
February 12, 2010 at 2:45 pm
<<>>
from the description
I think she forgot to include “enspellated” if she had that tag on there, it might appeal to the more esoteric people out there..
Aww fuck!! who am I kidding…? it looks like a fucking stoplight + it, I believe< is a total whack-job's piece of 'Magickal' bullshit
February 12, 2010 at 2:54 pm
This fills me stabby, stabby rage. Not only hawking some worthless piece of junk she prob found at a yard sale but also preying on people’s desperation over weight loss. May the seller spend eternity swimming laps in an olympic-sized pool filled with her own bullshit.
February 12, 2010 at 2:55 pm
#45, great point, Lemon-y… as I’ve still not been on her page to read this
(quote from lemon)
— From her shop: {“Please Note: Additional questions and emails with extensive questions increase the cost….
but I also need to be compensated for my time and energy.”}—
February 12, 2010 at 3:01 pm
Magic doesn’t become less bullcrap just because you put a K at the end.
Also:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/spiritrealm/collections/72157621904863424/
February 12, 2010 at 3:02 pm
Is a skinny spell a spell to lose weight or a spell that’s short? Uh uh – I think that might be more than 1 question.
February 12, 2010 at 3:02 pm
oh plus…I think she must have bought two days with the “ideals lady” in order to hawk up her marketing skills.
February 12, 2010 at 3:03 pm
If this magic is so powerful, will I loose 10 pounds just by writing this comment?
February 12, 2010 at 3:05 pm
If the craving doesn’t go away, say it again and drink one cup of water. If the craving STILL doesn’t go away, say it again and eat one magickal chocolate cream pie. Mote it be.”
February 12, 2010 at 3:05 pm
#46 Veracity :
I’ve got all kinds of crap laying around that I can cast spells on. “Majickal sunglasses. Wear when the sun hurts your eyes. So mote it be.” “Majickle button off of my old shirt. It will cure your constipation. And if not, take some exlax. So mote it be.” “Maajukil condom. Helps you get laid. If it doesn’t work, it’s because you don’t have the right attitude and are applying it inappropriately. So mote it be.”
I’m going to the 99 Cent store and stock up…
February 12, 2010 at 3:05 pm
“so mote it be”. See you suckers later.
February 12, 2010 at 3:09 pm
Wow. She has a ton of “empty vessels” in her shop. Tho when I worked at Michaels we called them “craft beads”. Oh well, Potato Patahdahk.
February 12, 2010 at 3:13 pm
Oh yes, big props to Skully with #36. I smell merchandise.
February 12, 2010 at 3:13 pm
Oh brother! Maybe Etsy should start doing some screening. But that wouldn’t be much fun would it. LOL
February 12, 2010 at 3:14 pm
I want to change my avatar, but I forgot how I got it set up in the first place. Can someone help me?
thanks
February 12, 2010 at 3:15 pm
“This is a paranormal item that has been tested as active.”
Really? You have tested it? And it’s active?
Then bitch, why are you wasting your time selling jewelry? James Randi has a million bucks waiting for you!
http://www.randi.org/site/index.php/1m-challenge.html
February 12, 2010 at 3:16 pm
I want a holistic horseshit ring that will let me eat all the donuts, red meat, cheese refried beans made with lard PLUS comsume all the beer I want and NOT gain weight!!!!!
February 12, 2010 at 3:20 pm
kitty, here ya go…
http://en.gravatar.com//account/verify-password-reset
February 12, 2010 at 3:22 pm
unless its wired for 20,000 volts and somebody is following me around with a remote zapper, i dont think my muffintop is gonna shrink any
February 12, 2010 at 3:24 pm
@Skully–congrats for the Comment of the Day!
I kept thinking…that’s gotta win!
February 12, 2010 at 3:29 pm
yes i agree, congrats, that was brilliant, skully!
February 12, 2010 at 3:29 pm
LOL
http://www.etsy.com/view_transaction.php?transaction_id=20514806
“This Sanguine Vampire is 4,233 years old, he has shoulder length blond hair, blue eyes, medium build, light complexion and appears about 30 years old. He resides in the Otherworld, in France, with his wife and three children.
Although he is not the head of his House of 30 Vampires, he is relied upon for protection in times of need. This House of Vampires is spread through 10 different homes, and they have a keep of
February 12, 2010 at 3:30 pm
Testing new avatar
February 12, 2010 at 3:35 pm
A note to the community: I’ve just got to wonder if there is some jealous shrew who goes around and gives a thumbs down to any comment that’s garnered many thumbs ups? Case in point: Skully’s Comment of the Day. Anyone else notice this? Is there some jealousy? Oh, and I fully expect this to get a thumbs down so have at it, oh Predictable One.
February 12, 2010 at 3:40 pm
Move along, people. She clearly states “magickal items are not for the… immature.”
February 12, 2010 at 3:45 pm
kitty, funny you mention about the avatars…my new one never went through? weird
February 12, 2010 at 3:45 pm
Skully is ver, ver amusing, thank you! This ring and description made me think of Thinner, by Stephen King. What if you over-use the ring?! *shuddering*
February 12, 2010 at 3:46 pm
snarkymcbitterson- we get thumbs down even on the posts when there is NON-snark involved (like winediva’s hats for charity, etc.)…some a-hole just has way too much time on their hands
February 12, 2010 at 3:46 pm
@Kitty…wow, gotta admire her descriptive crapacity
“This Sanguine Vampire was transfered to a 925 Sterling Silver and faceted Labradorite pendant.”
And you want someone to put that around their neck?
February 12, 2010 at 3:51 pm
My finger is too fat for that ring.
Curse you, SpiritRealm! Why must you torment me so? Why? WHYYYYY????
(Oh wait, I think that counts as three questions….)
February 12, 2010 at 3:51 pm
#68 I just clicked on your link
teeheehee… if this vampire is so dedicated to his wife, then why did he agree to be put into this (genie bottle} ahem…rock for all of eternity in order to watch over his human. of which, he only requires 1 drop of blood to get the action started?
hmmm, the things I think of whilst on regretsy….i think i’m getting smarter by the minute.
February 12, 2010 at 3:52 pm
snarkymcbitterson…I’m thinking they don’t get the joke. I’m still trying to figure out why they don’t like lyontamer.
February 12, 2010 at 3:54 pm
Magickal sunvisors. Get your magickal sunvisors!
They will give you the brainpower of Steven Hawing!
Don’t like sunvisors?
Magickal reading glasses. They will help you see into the future.
Work with me here,people. I got to unload this crap from the 99 cent store.
February 12, 2010 at 3:54 pm
#68 you need to file that in annoying descriptions.
February 12, 2010 at 3:59 pm
@ razberries, Thanks for the response. Poor little pathetic a-hole. it must suck to only have an anonymous thumbs down button to assert yourself in this world. Poor, poor little un-clever tiny a-hole. Maybe we should take up a donation for them.
February 12, 2010 at 4:04 pm
Doesn’t this seller realize that binding spells are a bad thing?
February 12, 2010 at 4:06 pm
I created a magical mantra for myself,”I will not buy holistic horseshit, I will not buy holistic horseshit”…*throws back a shot of tequila*
Wow! It really works!!
February 12, 2010 at 4:06 pm
#81: I have noticed a sharp increase in thumbs-downs immediately after @danielle172. Mayhaps I will make an art in her honor.
February 12, 2010 at 4:07 pm
“I bind you, @Danielle172, from doing harm. Harm against other people, and harm against yourself.”
February 12, 2010 at 4:07 pm
Wow, comment of the day! Thanks guys! How about this one: James Brown/Papa’s Got a Charging Bag? It’s 4PM and I really need a Snickers, mote it be, mote it be…
February 12, 2010 at 4:10 pm
when did etsy start allowing infomercials from fucktards hocking “magickal” ugly jewelry?
“Wear this ring and when you feel like temptation is about to take over, tell yourself, “I will not eat or drink this (say out loud whatever it is). I love my body and I want what is best for it. Mote it be.” The craving will stop. If the craving doesn’t go away, then say it again and drink one cup of water.”
isn’t this just as effective WITHOUT the ring?
February 12, 2010 at 4:11 pm
@Kitty–so I wonder how any 4,233 year old, self-respecting vampire would let themselves be trapped in cheap jewelry? Hold off for the good stuff–nothing less than Cartier.
Honestly–this stuff’s a fun read because these bizarre accounts confuse my brain cells–without any substance abuse.
February 12, 2010 at 4:11 pm
PS. #85 is intended as sarcasm.
February 12, 2010 at 4:12 pm
#68: I now feel that I know everything there is to know about this Vampire. Except what he thought of being marked down to half-price.
February 12, 2010 at 4:18 pm
Hey SloGin: Yes, I’m finding an alarming number of people lack the sarcasm/irony gene for this site. Or maybe they’re the artist (spell-caster?) in question. Regardless, I gave you a thumbs up!! ThumbzUp4Lyfe!
February 12, 2010 at 4:21 pm
Gobsmacked am I. Now I know where to “sell” my fanfiction. Trap it in a cheap rock and charge for the “jewelery”
February 12, 2010 at 4:28 pm
on top of everything else wrong with this hot wiccan mess of an item, that’s not even a natural blue quartz, it’s dyed rock crystal quartz, natural blue quartz has a shitload of internal fracturing and is slightly translucent and a more milkier shade.
and those carnelians are shit too. fun fact, carnelian is also quartz. crystal hippies get on my TITS.
February 12, 2010 at 4:34 pm
Tsk tsk tsk… The forgot the quack miranda warning to keep them from getting in trouble: “These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.” http://scienceblogs.com/denialism/2008/03/quack_miranda_warning.php
February 12, 2010 at 4:37 pm
Razberries:
Damn it! My new avatar truly is kitty of assisi too.
IscreamUscream:
“He resides in the Otherworld, in France”
I didn’t know “the Otherworld” had a country. good lord, what an idiot!
February 12, 2010 at 4:40 pm
It does guarantee you will feel better after using it to punch someone in the face with it.
February 12, 2010 at 4:41 pm
Where do I get a Hot Wiccan Mess t-shirt?
February 12, 2010 at 4:45 pm
#72 Raz…was your new avatar a pic of you?? i saw it on my computer at work today, but not my home comp…weird.
Skull-EEEEEE!!!
February 12, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Sadly people do buy into this crap.
February 12, 2010 at 4:55 pm
I’m a bit concerned about how the ring would “behave” from misusue or abuse.
Does this mean if you wear the ring while raiding the fridge after midnight, the ring will change into a little green demon and attack you?
February 12, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Magickle is the new Whimsicle.
February 12, 2010 at 4:58 pm
“I’ve had these for several years, and I want to share them with my clients. Some of them I have out-grown…” First clue that it doesn’t work.
February 12, 2010 at 5:04 pm
wait wait wait…are you telling me that all I need in order to lose weight is a flippin ring? I’ve been doing all this damn work, and all I ever needed was a damn ring?
&%*$?#*@!!!!!
Does Jillian Michaels know about this? If she does I’m going to kick her ass for running me through these damn workouts!
(weight loss can’t have anything to do with saying “I’m not going to eat this” and then drinking water will it? Seems like that is a pretty common weight loss staple)
February 12, 2010 at 5:06 pm
hi kimmer, yes it was! LOL
so that is odd? oh well…it was me in my regretsy tee…i just was gonna put it on here for a couple of days b/c it had hearts in the background.
i am lucky i have any avatar at all. or gravatar. whatever the heck it is…this technology really is over my head!
February 12, 2010 at 5:14 pm
Skully, congrats on COTD. Well deserved!!
98 Kimmer-G: If you clear your cache you should be able to see Raz’s new avi.
February 12, 2010 at 5:18 pm
Well…this stuff just grates on ya, until you do something:
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2683/4351951901_1a96d39d24_o.jpg
There.
February 12, 2010 at 5:50 pm
what a crock of shit
February 12, 2010 at 6:00 pm
I sure hope this ring is adjustable so it’s still fits when I lose all the weight.
February 12, 2010 at 6:11 pm
IScream, I want some of that! Bet it sparkles +5 Charm when you pour milk over it.
February 12, 2010 at 6:13 pm
Suspecting this was granted its magickal properties using a 20-sided die.
February 12, 2010 at 6:19 pm
You know, the idea of a ring to wear as a reminder to put down that tub of deep fried lard and pick up some fresh fruit is not such a bad one, but then this lady has to go all majykkall and claim the ring itself is imbued with the power to make you stop eating crap and make better decisions. Forget this shit and put the $50 toward some workout clothes and a gym membership.
February 12, 2010 at 6:21 pm
Amazing! I feel $50 lighter already!
February 12, 2010 at 6:22 pm
#2 Sammy the Goose :
So, is there some sort of Spell Activation Committee that sets the value of magickal fuckery? And now I have to wonder what you’d get for $30.
Level 4 magickal fuckery.
February 12, 2010 at 6:26 pm
pure ckrap
February 12, 2010 at 6:27 pm
Typical- she can’t even say what type of gemstones are in the ring. That’s where REAL VALUE lies.
*sigh* these quacks are making all gemstone jewelers look bad. We’re not all this apeshit, I promise you. Some of us actually make quality pretty jewelry without claiming that it will make you lose weight or spurt out ten babies when you’re 65 or gain the ability to talk to your dead cat or some shit.
February 12, 2010 at 6:29 pm
Oh for crying out loud. This nutter lives in my city. Remind me to lock the doors and put out extra faerie food for the faerie security guards to keep her away from my kids.
February 12, 2010 at 6:38 pm
I stand corrected- she did list the stones. I don’t retract anything else I said though.
And skully- your comment made me choke on my Cherry Garcia ice cream bar. Which won’t make me fat cause I happen to be wearing a gemstone ring. Right? …Right?
February 12, 2010 at 6:40 pm
Ah, so this is what I’ve been doing wrong all the time. I haven’t been using a magickal ring to lose weight and I haven’t been enspelling my jewelry to make it sell. I wonder if she sells the spells alone?
February 12, 2010 at 6:52 pm
This ring is like The Picture of Dorian Gray. I’m pretty sure for every pound you lose, the ring tarnishes just a little bit more, until there is nothing left but a chunk of charcoal hanging off of your bony, claw-like finger.
I’ll take two!
February 12, 2010 at 6:52 pm
I found it! Here’s the answer (to everything). http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=36180665
Let’s see, I want lots of money, a new car and world peace. Jeez, I’m surprised no one else has picked up on this – or maybe that’s Donald Trump’s secret.
February 12, 2010 at 7:03 pm
Danorz:
>>crystal hippies get on my TITS.
I don’t let hippies get on my tits unless they have at least taken me out for a nice dinner first, and maybe shown me a decent night out.
Of course, I am a man, so the fact that I *have* tits is pretty pathetic…
February 12, 2010 at 7:10 pm
No.
No no no.
NONONONONONONO.
This is gross.
I don’t believe in any majigickacal anything- but I think if such forces were real and possible to harness or trap in a piece of jewelry, trying to use them to lose weight or get money would be the most base bullshit. Isn’t that like praying for a fancy car? Please, god/s/dess, take time out of your celestial whateverthefuck to give me a car and a tight ass. Gross.
February 12, 2010 at 7:11 pm
Also I will bet you a billion dollars she’s got “The Secret” on her bookshelf.
February 12, 2010 at 7:13 pm
#121 – I thought I was done for the night but just have to say that so reminds me of my sister who used to pray for a good parking space.
February 12, 2010 at 7:15 pm
@willandort–Incredibly, that is worse. Vintage? Hell…that’s fresh off the boat, and it looks glass to me, with a *classy* solder job. $2 hippy fair ring.
February 12, 2010 at 7:24 pm
With my ever so precious gem encrusted double penile pronged crystal tipped rainbow feathered enspelled enameled & shellacked wanky wand , I command the big
cheese at etsy to have a little quality control control.
February 12, 2010 at 7:25 pm
Dude, I put an avatar in Gravatar, but it only seems connected to my e-mail account. Hate to sound stupid, but are there instructions anywhere to get it in *here*?
February 12, 2010 at 7:25 pm
But wait, if you act right now we’ll throw in this super love spell worth 20 dollars!
It’s all very infomercial-like. Except for the disclaimer part about it not being for those who don’t want change. That sounds more like the side-effects portion of a drug commercial.
February 12, 2010 at 7:27 pm
Yeah, the “I will not eat…I love my body….” blablabla…it’s called AFFIRMATIONS. Basic principle of psychology, particularly associated with cognitive behavioral therapy.
Ain’t no “majick” about it (even if you spell magic right).
“Because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.”
February 12, 2010 at 7:31 pm
I’m going to make rings with this picture on them
http://www.everydayhealth.com/forums/talk-it-up/topic/what-does-your-fat-look-like
That’ll make ya think twice as the hand with the oreo and that ring nears your mouth. Nothing magickal about that.
February 12, 2010 at 7:39 pm
From the shop announcement: “The Custom Binding includes an Activation, and Triple Re-charge on the vessel.”
Is she enslaving ghosts? Does the price include protection against spiritual retribution? Is this gonna screw up my karma rating?
February 12, 2010 at 7:56 pm
@monstrosa yeah–what if she pisses off the spirit mafia? Am I gonna wake up in the spirit world someday, welded inside an oil barrel for all eternity?
February 12, 2010 at 8:05 pm
my favorite part is the disclaimers:
“By purchasing you agree that activities may or may not occur and I am not responsible of any related issues. You must be 18 years of age to make this purchase; you solely agree that your purchase is subject to your own interpretation.”
insofar as that last part makes any sense, it’s pretty hilarious.
February 12, 2010 at 8:07 pm
Question: What’s better than a gift that says, “Honey, you’re fat,.. really, really fat. I mean the only difference between you and a beached whale is that the whale doesn’t go back for thirds at the Old Country Buffet. But now that I told you that you are morbidly obese, I want you to know that I don’t care enough about you to do anything for you that would actually help you. Happy Valentine’s Day”?
Answer: A pork chop, that’s what.
February 12, 2010 at 8:32 pm
I’m an attorney, and I’m totally going to sneak the phrase:
“Legal disclaimer: By purchasing you agree that activities may or may not occur and I am not responsible of any related issues.”
in as many of my contracts as possible. Clients never read their crap anyway, so I doubt they’ll notice. And it will make for interesting litigation if a situation arises.
February 12, 2010 at 9:26 pm
Item the First. A person can believe in spells and holistic horseshit and STILL see this as stupid, weird, and dishonest. Even we have standards. And the Mote It Be song rocks.
Item the Second, on #68: Dude, how much must it blow to be a half-price vampire?
February 12, 2010 at 10:08 pm
Lets all do the ring chant together….
Ohwatta goo Siam! Ohwatta goo Siam!
February 12, 2010 at 10:19 pm
This ring is cursed. I’ve read Stephen King’s “Thinner” and I know that you don’t want to be pissin’ off no gypsy woman.
Eat the pie or you’ll waste away, bitch!
February 12, 2010 at 10:27 pm
I like this definition from my dictionary:
mote [moht]
–noun
1. a small particle or speck, esp. of dust.
February 12, 2010 at 11:16 pm
she can’t be responsible for its behavior?!? WTF is that? is it gonna kick it gremlin style and tear apart the town or something?
February 12, 2010 at 11:24 pm
Interesting tidbit from her profile: “If there is a spirit that interests you, and you don’t see it on the list above…it doesn’t mean I can’t help you. However, I am not Demon Master…I’ll leave that to other sellers.”
Gee I’m sure glad to know she isn’t a Demon Master. But I think enslaving spirits and binding them to pieces of cheap jewelry might be a tad demonic.
If she actually thinks she’s doing this stuff, and not just spinning a tale, I’d hate to experience the vibes…
February 12, 2010 at 11:24 pm
Wait … “other sellers”? There are Demon Masters on Etsy?
February 12, 2010 at 11:25 pm
argh that was supposed to be “I’d hate to experience the vibes in her house” *sigh*
February 12, 2010 at 11:40 pm
Nice escape hatch. “It only works for those who are ready.” So if it doesn’t work, it’s the buyer’s fault for not being “ready” and not the seller for selling ridiculous con-artist and/or delusional bullshit.
February 12, 2010 at 11:53 pm
This person gives us Wiccans/Witches/Pagans a bad rep! I can’t stand people like this!
February 13, 2010 at 6:30 am
I do not know what is worse..the seller or someone who would actually buy the ring.
February 13, 2010 at 6:30 am
Aw come on! As an actual Wiccan I hate that people like this make such a mockery of my religion! This reminds me of the olden days when people like this traveled from door to door with snake oil and salves. Unfortunately now they can reach a much broader audience with the world wide web!
February 13, 2010 at 9:28 am
so mote it be…. the next regretsy t-shirt.
February 13, 2010 at 4:10 pm
@jenniferjuniper–yeah, I’ll respect anybody’s sincere beliefs, but here cynicism was just so thick by how she worded things–hence my reaction.
February 13, 2010 at 5:20 pm
Everytime I think I’ve seen it all… Just had to congratulate Skully – best song yet.
February 13, 2010 at 8:18 pm
@#124 “Hail Mary, full of grace! Help me find a parking place!”
Also this: “If you would like a custom bound Otherworld Entity, please convo me!” A sentence rarely uttered.
February 14, 2010 at 2:31 pm
I’m not up on the majickal, what is a custom binding anyway?
February 14, 2010 at 9:40 pm
So, Ghosthunters, with all their elaborate equipment can barely catch a shadow or hear a voice or get a spirit to respond to questions or get them to move something………….but this lady has them lined up and ready to sell on Etsy. Complete with a 35 page interview and they answer your questions.
And what are you supposed to do with a spirit once you get it. Does it clean your house? Do your laundry? Give you the winning lotto numbers?
And did you read the glowing feedback?
February 14, 2010 at 9:46 pm
I’m sorry, if someone asked me about my new laboridite pendant and I told them it was a vessel holding a 4,000 year old vampire….well, lets just say they’d be holding a family meeting to decide where I would be spending the next few weeks.
February 15, 2010 at 8:06 am
I am beyond certain that this ring smells like cigarettes and cat urine when it arrives.
March 20, 2010 at 11:01 am
Magickal Ring of weight loss :
+ 1 loss weight *
- 5 intelligence
- 5 Charisma
* people might stop feeding you which can result in major loss of weight .