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Mote and Potatoes

Posted by Helen Killer

156 comments

Filed in Holistic Horseshit, Jewelry, Not Remotely Handmade 156 comments

156 Comments

Add Comment

Feb 12, 2010
1:36 pm

#1 lyontamer :

“Happy Valentine’s Day, honey. Here, you need to lose some weight.”

Rate this comment: +65

Feb 12, 2010
1:36 pm

#2 Sammy the Goose :

“To boost the potential of this spell, I have cast an Activation and Triple Charge spells. This spell work is worth $20.00 alone.”

So, is there some sort of Spell Activation Committee that sets the value of magickal fuckery? And now I have to wonder what you’d get for $30.

Rate this comment: +74

Feb 12, 2010
1:37 pm

#3 Whisperia :

I would like for her to stay away from my magickal, thank you very much. It gets all the energy boosts it needs.

Rate this comment: +28

Feb 12, 2010
1:37 pm

#4 vergeofsomething :

I feel stupider… I mean skinnier… already!

Rate this comment: +46

Feb 12, 2010
1:38 pm

#5 flare :

the knuckle in the picture is pretty meaty – huess the model was too immature, despite those liver spots. Mote it be!

Rate this comment: +32

Feb 12, 2010
1:38 pm

#6 Jea :

The most practical item yet.

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 12, 2010
1:40 pm

#7 froufroubijou :

AYFKM!?

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 12, 2010
1:41 pm

#8 Wilma Fingerdoo :

Is the bag full of refer???

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 12, 2010
1:42 pm

#9 Wilma Fingerdoo :

I can hear the ring wearer chanting “I will not eat this 5 plate of food” as they stand in line at the Old Country Buffet.

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 12, 2010
1:42 pm

#10 curlytopnola :

wtf is mote it be? that’s not even in my voodoo to english dictionary!
so lemme get this right. have a craving. say a spell~speaking directly inTO the ring? or what?~ and if that doesn’t work, drink a glass of water and you won’t be hungry anymore.
well slap my mamma and jenny craig, too!
know what else burns calories? running away from villagers when they want to burn you at the stake for witchcraft.

Rate this comment: +68

Feb 12, 2010
1:46 pm

#11 lyontamer :

Nothing says “weight loss gemstone woowoo rings do not work” like said ring being a size 8 1/2 and non-adjustable.

Rate this comment: +96

Feb 12, 2010
1:46 pm

#12 IscreamUscream :

“…This is a paranormal item that has been tested as active and I cannot be held accountable or responsible for its behavior”
What kind of ‘behavior’ are we talking about here–a sordid night on the town? Performing “magick” without a license–what? File under “not remotely handmade”–the ring is yet another tourist trinket, from India.

Rate this comment: +47

Feb 12, 2010
1:47 pm

#13 HomeAlone :

Horseshit and then some. I think it should also be logged under “not remotely hand made.” Is Etsy actually allowing re-selling of cheap imported jewelry with the “handmade” factor being that it’s imbued with powerful magickal energy? Seriously????

Where’s my barf bag… it’s working already and I didn’t even buy it.

Rate this comment: +69

Feb 12, 2010
1:48 pm

#14 littykidder :

If you read her profile, she has a corn snake on camera for feedings. HUH? She’s a damn snake oil seller!

Rate this comment: +27

Feb 12, 2010
1:48 pm

#15 clevercat :

I just know if I bought this I would want to use it inappropriately like to knock some sense into myself.

OMG “the bag can not be washed” all I can say is thank god she is not making Magickal weight loss underwear!

Rate this comment: +77

Feb 12, 2010
1:50 pm

#16 littykidder :

#15 clever, I had the same underwear thought with a snort.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 12, 2010
1:52 pm

#17 lyontamer :

#10 It’s Gardenerian Wiccan. “As I will, so mote it be” is a common tying close to spells and charms. It means “Amen.”

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 12, 2010
1:52 pm

#18 PinkBunnies :

After reading her profile, I realize that this lady reminds me of my mother-in-law. It explains a lot, actually. My mother-in-law claims the ghost of her cat haunts her house, and that she can see it. She was also a single mom, like this lady. Now I know what she does in her spare time!

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 12, 2010
1:54 pm

#19 sudabaki© :

I’m so silly. I always thought that Etsy was for hand crafted items. Thank you Regretsy for enlightening me. Now I don’t have to make the long drive to Magickals-R-Us. I can have all my supernatural needs met from the comfort of my own home.

Rate this comment: +35

Feb 12, 2010
1:55 pm

#20 lyontamer :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -7

Feb 12, 2010
1:57 pm

#21 lemon floor wax :

I’m guessing wearing this would cause my finger to turn green, thus destroying any appetite I have.
I once had a roommate (a 20-something, college educated woman) who left food offerings out for the fairies. I’d find little bits of rotting food and flowers scattered all over the house. This is the kind of shit she’d buy.

Rate this comment: +57

Feb 12, 2010
1:57 pm

#22 turnaround :

It works because every time you look at the ring you remember that you shelled out $50 bucks for it, and you lose your appetite.

Rate this comment: +44

Feb 12, 2010
1:58 pm

#23 bootsychoo :

WOW! I feel $50 lighter!

Rate this comment: +57

Feb 12, 2010
2:03 pm

#24 captaincavegirl :

I think maybe it works because the ring is so godawful tacky that one glimpse makes you lose your appetite for everything except cigarettes and Wild Turkey.

Rate this comment: +27

Feb 12, 2010
2:04 pm

#25 Thistle :

wait are you supposed to wear the ring or eat it?

Rate this comment: +24

Feb 12, 2010
2:08 pm

#26 IndyJules :

Forget the ring, the ring is bubkis! It’s the shop announcement you have to see! This woman lives in a very elaborate and carefully nickel-and-dimed fantasy land.

Rate this comment: +22

Feb 12, 2010
2:18 pm

#27 tarabu :

“Law requirement states that Readings, Spells and paranormal objects are for sole entertainment purposes only. I cannot be held responsible for any related behavior that may occur.

By purchasing this magickal you are doing so at your own risk, and agreeing that I am not liable for any occurrences resulting from this powerful spirit.”

1. ‘related behavior that may occur’ – as in you’ll wonder what you were thinking
2. Is there a secret storque article on bad grammar we don’t know…

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 12, 2010
2:18 pm

#28 waningestrogen :

whoa. looking at her flickr photostream, I can almost smell the ganja wafting through the monitor to my nostrils. is that this otherworldly entity she’s talking about?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/spiritrealm/

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 12, 2010
2:19 pm

#29 tarabu :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -10

Feb 12, 2010
2:19 pm

#30 henmen :

Fill MY vessel!

Rate this comment: -2

Feb 12, 2010
2:20 pm

#31 popodog :

*results not typical

…they’re MAJICKAL!

Rate this comment: +20

Feb 12, 2010
2:24 pm

#32 tarabu :

I read her profile, I had to, and I am sorry. I suppose no one has told her that photographic ‘orbs’ are dust.

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 12, 2010
2:25 pm

#33 MajorDanger :

WARNING!

This ring will not protect you against +5 Chocolate Cake or Chaotic Evil Pastry Chefs!

Rate this comment: +68

Feb 12, 2010
2:28 pm

#34 Patty has been abuducted by an alien :

Great! Here I’ve been doing it the hard way with proper diet habits and regular exercise!

Now I can sit on my ass and eat whatever I want! Thank you, Magickal Weight Loss ring!

To think, I went and had knee replacement surgery just so I could walk again! I could have just found a magickal ring!

I’m using way too many !! in my post today!! See!?

Rate this comment: +15

Feb 12, 2010
2:28 pm

#35 tarabu :

#33 I heartily guffaw at ‘+5 chocolate cake’ – that’s my next dinner assignment!

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 12, 2010
2:29 pm

#36 Skully :

(Beatles/Let It Be)

When you find yourself in line at Popeye’s,
Taco Bell or Tastee Freeze,
Magick ring will help you, mote it be.

And in your hour of hunger,
Trust holistic horseshit jewelry.
Magick ring will help you, mote it be.

Mote it be, mote it be, mote it be, mote it be.
Drink more water then say, “Mote it be.”

Rate this comment: +180

Feb 12, 2010
2:32 pm

#37 razberries :

i hate that MAGICKAL spelling of magic.
bleh. i also didn’t know my “magickal” had any negative energy in it.
learn something new every day!!!

Rate this comment: +14

Feb 12, 2010
2:32 pm

#38 voxwoman :

This really makes me embarrassed to be Wiccan.

But “Mote it be/Convo Me” is really funny.

Rate this comment: +41

Feb 12, 2010
2:32 pm

#39 MinnePurl :

One ring to fleece them all
One ring to shaft them
One ring of whimsicle fuckery
and so to magickally graft them

Rate this comment: +83

Feb 12, 2010
2:33 pm

#40 razberries :

akully, AWESOME as always…lolll

ps- i am no weight-loss guru, but usually it is a known fact that if you are trying to lose weight, to drink a lot of water. so that really isn’t some magickal formula…duh.

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 12, 2010
2:35 pm

#41 Moons in Leo :

The only thing made lighter by this ring is the buyer’s wallet.

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 12, 2010
2:36 pm

#42 IscreamUscream :

@ Skull, @MinnePurl

awesomesauce!

So lemme get this straight–the “spirit world” has no problem with some lady in Lincoln using “magick” for shameless profiteering? Yeah, ok

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 12, 2010
2:36 pm

#43 batontwirler1 :

At least the punk/alien ring is adjustable.

Rate this comment: +14

Feb 12, 2010
2:40 pm

#44 Lucretia Borgia :

I don’t know what’s worse … a vendor of psychic clap-trap on Etsy … or the fact that the “Vintage” category allows just about anything to be listed. Junk from your closet or stuff just arrived from India. I lived in India 20 years and I know my stuff. And I’m several decades more vintage than this ring!!!!!

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 12, 2010
2:41 pm

#45 lemon floor wax :

From her shop: “Please Note: Additional questions and emails with extensive questions increase the cost.
A question constitutes as one sentence with one question mark. You are allowed to clarify your question without additional cost.
This restriction is due to the number of individuals that ask 5 different unrelated questions and label it as one question. I understand that people are curious about their entities, but I also need to be compensated for my time and energy.”

Rate this comment: +41

Feb 12, 2010
2:42 pm

#46 Veracity :

I’ve got all kinds of crap laying around that I can cast spells on. “Majickal sunglasses. Wear when the sun hurts your eyes. So mote it be.” “Majickle button off of my old shirt. It will cure your constipation. And if not, take some exlax. So mote it be.” “Maajukil condom. Helps you get laid. If it doesn’t work, it’s because you don’t have the right attitude and are applying it inappropriately. So mote it be.”

Wow, I could do this ALL day.

Rate this comment: +58

Feb 12, 2010
2:44 pm

#47 starrydreams :

I just finished reading her shop announcement. WTF!?

#36 Skully- good one!!!!

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 12, 2010
2:45 pm

#48 viveca_cynical :

<<>>
from the description
I think she forgot to include “enspellated” if she had that tag on there, it might appeal to the more esoteric people out there..
Aww fuck!! who am I kidding…? it looks like a fucking stoplight + it, I believe< is a total whack-job's piece of 'Magickal' bullshit

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 12, 2010
2:54 pm

#49 LadyGrey :

This fills me stabby, stabby rage. Not only hawking some worthless piece of junk she prob found at a yard sale but also preying on people’s desperation over weight loss. May the seller spend eternity swimming laps in an olympic-sized pool filled with her own bullshit.

Rate this comment: +36

Feb 12, 2010
2:55 pm

#50 viveca_cynical :

#45, great point, Lemon-y… as I’ve still not been on her page to read this

(quote from lemon)
— From her shop: {“Please Note: Additional questions and emails with extensive questions increase the cost….
but I also need to be compensated for my time and energy.”}—

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 12, 2010
3:01 pm

#51 Bronc Drywall :

Magic doesn’t become less bullcrap just because you put a K at the end.

Also:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/spiritrealm/collections/72157621904863424/

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 12, 2010
3:02 pm

#52 batontwirler1 :

Is a skinny spell a spell to lose weight or a spell that’s short? Uh uh – I think that might be more than 1 question.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 12, 2010
3:02 pm

#53 viveca_cynical :

oh plus…I think she must have bought two days with the “ideals lady” in order to hawk up her marketing skills.

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 12, 2010
3:03 pm

#54 fame4crap :

If this magic is so powerful, will I loose 10 pounds just by writing this comment?

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 12, 2010
3:05 pm

#55 snarkymcbitterson :

If the craving doesn’t go away, say it again and drink one cup of water. If the craving STILL doesn’t go away, say it again and eat one magickal chocolate cream pie. Mote it be.”

Rate this comment: +28

Feb 12, 2010
3:05 pm

#56 blondeweezie :

#46 Veracity :
I’ve got all kinds of crap laying around that I can cast spells on. “Majickal sunglasses. Wear when the sun hurts your eyes. So mote it be.” “Majickle button off of my old shirt. It will cure your constipation. And if not, take some exlax. So mote it be.” “Maajukil condom. Helps you get laid. If it doesn’t work, it’s because you don’t have the right attitude and are applying it inappropriately. So mote it be.”

I’m going to the 99 Cent store and stock up…

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 12, 2010
3:05 pm

#57 blondeweezie :

“so mote it be”. See you suckers later.

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 12, 2010
3:09 pm

#58 FootofCanal :

Wow. She has a ton of “empty vessels” in her shop. Tho when I worked at Michaels we called them “craft beads”. Oh well, Potato Patahdahk.

Rate this comment: +21

Feb 12, 2010
3:13 pm

#59 snarkymcbitterson :

Oh yes, big props to Skully with #36. I smell merchandise.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 12, 2010
3:13 pm

#60 kittyofassisi :

Oh brother! Maybe Etsy should start doing some screening. But that wouldn’t be much fun would it. LOL

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 12, 2010
3:14 pm

#61 kittyofassisi :

I want to change my avatar, but I forgot how I got it set up in the first place. Can someone help me?
thanks

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 12, 2010
3:15 pm

#62 methuselah :

“This is a paranormal item that has been tested as active.”

Really? You have tested it? And it’s active?

Then bitch, why are you wasting your time selling jewelry? James Randi has a million bucks waiting for you!

http://www.randi.org/site/index.php/1m-challenge.html

Rate this comment: +17

Feb 12, 2010
3:16 pm

#63 SuperSnark :

I want a holistic horseshit ring that will let me eat all the donuts, red meat, cheese refried beans made with lard PLUS comsume all the beer I want and NOT gain weight!!!!!

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 12, 2010
3:20 pm

#64 razberries :

kitty, here ya go…
http://en.gravatar.com//account/verify-password-reset

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 12, 2010
3:22 pm

#65 Thistle :

unless its wired for 20,000 volts and somebody is following me around with a remote zapper, i dont think my muffintop is gonna shrink any

Rate this comment: +16

Feb 12, 2010
3:24 pm

#66 IscreamUscream :

@Skully–congrats for the Comment of the Day!
I kept thinking…that’s gotta win!

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 12, 2010
3:29 pm

#67 razberries :

yes i agree, congrats, that was brilliant, skully!

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 12, 2010
3:29 pm

#68 kittyofassisi :

LOL

http://www.etsy.com/view_transaction.php?transaction_id=20514806

“This Sanguine Vampire is 4,233 years old, he has shoulder length blond hair, blue eyes, medium build, light complexion and appears about 30 years old. He resides in the Otherworld, in France, with his wife and three children.

Although he is not the head of his House of 30 Vampires, he is relied upon for protection in times of need. This House of Vampires is spread through 10 different homes, and they have a keep of

Rate this comment: +19

Feb 12, 2010
3:30 pm

#69 kittyofassisi :

Testing new avatar

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 12, 2010
3:35 pm

#70 snarkymcbitterson :

A note to the community: I’ve just got to wonder if there is some jealous shrew who goes around and gives a thumbs down to any comment that’s garnered many thumbs ups? Case in point: Skully’s Comment of the Day. Anyone else notice this? Is there some jealousy? Oh, and I fully expect this to get a thumbs down so have at it, oh Predictable One.

Rate this comment: +19

Feb 12, 2010
3:40 pm

#71 HelenaHandbasket :

Move along, people. She clearly states “magickal items are not for the… immature.”

Rate this comment: +23

Feb 12, 2010
3:45 pm

#72 razberries :

kitty, funny you mention about the avatars…my new one never went through? weird

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 12, 2010
3:45 pm

#73 snarkeygirl :

Skully is ver, ver amusing, thank you! This ring and description made me think of Thinner, by Stephen King. What if you over-use the ring?! *shuddering*

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 12, 2010
3:46 pm

#74 razberries :

snarkymcbitterson- we get thumbs down even on the posts when there is NON-snark involved (like winediva’s hats for charity, etc.)…some a-hole just has way too much time on their hands

Rate this comment: +15

Feb 12, 2010
3:46 pm

#75 IscreamUscream :

@Kitty…wow, gotta admire her descriptive crapacity

“This Sanguine Vampire was transfered to a 925 Sterling Silver and faceted Labradorite pendant.”

And you want someone to put that around their neck?

Rate this comment: +15

Feb 12, 2010
3:51 pm

#76 badkitty :

My finger is too fat for that ring.

Curse you, SpiritRealm! Why must you torment me so? Why? WHYYYYY????

(Oh wait, I think that counts as three questions….)

Rate this comment: +32

Feb 12, 2010
3:51 pm

#77 viveca_cynical :

#68 I just clicked on your link
teeheehee… if this vampire is so dedicated to his wife, then why did he agree to be put into this (genie bottle} ahem…rock for all of eternity in order to watch over his human. of which, he only requires 1 drop of blood to get the action started?

hmmm, the things I think of whilst on regretsy….i think i’m getting smarter by the minute.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 12, 2010
3:52 pm

#78 SloGin :

snarkymcbitterson…I’m thinking they don’t get the joke. I’m still trying to figure out why they don’t like lyontamer.

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 12, 2010
3:54 pm

#79 blondeweezie :

Magickal sunvisors. Get your magickal sunvisors!
They will give you the brainpower of Steven Hawing!

Don’t like sunvisors?
Magickal reading glasses. They will help you see into the future.
Work with me here,people. I got to unload this crap from the 99 cent store.

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 12, 2010
3:54 pm

#80 SloGin :

#68 you need to file that in annoying descriptions.

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 12, 2010
3:59 pm

#81 snarkymcbitterson :

@ razberries, Thanks for the response. Poor little pathetic a-hole. it must suck to only have an anonymous thumbs down button to assert yourself in this world. Poor, poor little un-clever tiny a-hole. Maybe we should take up a donation for them.

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 12, 2010
4:04 pm

#82 lyontamer :

Doesn’t this seller realize that binding spells are a bad thing?

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 12, 2010
4:06 pm

#83 ThisJustMakesMeSad :

I created a magical mantra for myself,”I will not buy holistic horseshit, I will not buy holistic horseshit”…*throws back a shot of tequila*

Wow! It really works!!

Rate this comment: +16

Feb 12, 2010
4:06 pm

#84 lyontamer :

#81: I have noticed a sharp increase in thumbs-downs immediately after @danielle172. Mayhaps I will make an art in her honor.

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 12, 2010
4:07 pm

#85 lyontamer :

“I bind you, @Danielle172, from doing harm. Harm against other people, and harm against yourself.”

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 12, 2010
4:07 pm

#86 Skully :

Wow, comment of the day! Thanks guys! How about this one: James Brown/Papa’s Got a Charging Bag? It’s 4PM and I really need a Snickers, mote it be, mote it be…

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 12, 2010
4:10 pm

#87 pplrdum :

when did etsy start allowing infomercials from fucktards hocking “magickal” ugly jewelry?

“Wear this ring and when you feel like temptation is about to take over, tell yourself, “I will not eat or drink this (say out loud whatever it is). I love my body and I want what is best for it. Mote it be.” The craving will stop. If the craving doesn’t go away, then say it again and drink one cup of water.”

isn’t this just as effective WITHOUT the ring?

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 12, 2010
4:11 pm

#88 IscreamUscream :

@Kitty–so I wonder how any 4,233 year old, self-respecting vampire would let themselves be trapped in cheap jewelry? Hold off for the good stuff–nothing less than Cartier.

Honestly–this stuff’s a fun read because these bizarre accounts confuse my brain cells–without any substance abuse.

Rate this comment: +18

Feb 12, 2010
4:11 pm

#89 lyontamer :

PS. #85 is intended as sarcasm.

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 12, 2010
4:12 pm

#90 badkitty :

#68: I now feel that I know everything there is to know about this Vampire. Except what he thought of being marked down to half-price.

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 12, 2010
4:18 pm

#91 snarkymcbitterson :

Hey SloGin: Yes, I’m finding an alarming number of people lack the sarcasm/irony gene for this site. Or maybe they’re the artist (spell-caster?) in question. Regardless, I gave you a thumbs up!! ThumbzUp4Lyfe!

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 12, 2010
4:21 pm

#92 voxwoman :

Gobsmacked am I. Now I know where to “sell” my fanfiction. Trap it in a cheap rock and charge for the “jewelery”

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 12, 2010
4:28 pm

#93 Danorz :

on top of everything else wrong with this hot wiccan mess of an item, that’s not even a natural blue quartz, it’s dyed rock crystal quartz, natural blue quartz has a shitload of internal fracturing and is slightly translucent and a more milkier shade.

and those carnelians are shit too. fun fact, carnelian is also quartz. crystal hippies get on my TITS.

Rate this comment: +21

Feb 12, 2010
4:34 pm

#94 Noadi :

Tsk tsk tsk… The forgot the quack miranda warning to keep them from getting in trouble: “These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.” http://scienceblogs.com/denialism/2008/03/quack_miranda_warning.php

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 12, 2010
4:37 pm

#95 kittyofassisi :

Razberries:

Damn it! My new avatar truly is kitty of assisi too.

IscreamUscream:

“He resides in the Otherworld, in France”

I didn’t know “the Otherworld” had a country. good lord, what an idiot!

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 12, 2010
4:40 pm

#96 StinkBait :

It does guarantee you will feel better after using it to punch someone in the face with it.

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 12, 2010
4:41 pm

#97 snarkymcbitterson :

Where do I get a Hot Wiccan Mess t-shirt?

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 12, 2010
4:45 pm

#98 Kimmer-G :

#72 Raz…was your new avatar a pic of you?? i saw it on my computer at work today, but not my home comp…weird.

Skull-EEEEEE!!!

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 12, 2010
4:54 pm

#99 kittyofassisi :

Sadly people do buy into this crap.

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 12, 2010
4:55 pm

#100 rogueduckling :

I’m a bit concerned about how the ring would “behave” from misusue or abuse.
Does this mean if you wear the ring while raiding the fridge after midnight, the ring will change into a little green demon and attack you?

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 12, 2010
4:56 pm

#101 Vile & Evil Debbie Downer :

Magickle is the new Whimsicle.

Rate this comment: +29

Feb 12, 2010
4:58 pm

#102 Lara :

“I’ve had these for several years, and I want to share them with my clients. Some of them I have out-grown…” First clue that it doesn’t work.

Rate this comment: +27

Feb 12, 2010
5:04 pm

#103 moi :

wait wait wait…are you telling me that all I need in order to lose weight is a flippin ring? I’ve been doing all this damn work, and all I ever needed was a damn ring?

&%*$?#*@!!!!!

Does Jillian Michaels know about this? If she does I’m going to kick her ass for running me through these damn workouts!

(weight loss can’t have anything to do with saying “I’m not going to eat this” and then drinking water will it? Seems like that is a pretty common weight loss staple)

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 12, 2010
5:06 pm

#104 razberries :

hi kimmer, yes it was! LOL
so that is odd? oh well…it was me in my regretsy tee…i just was gonna put it on here for a couple of days b/c it had hearts in the background.
i am lucky i have any avatar at all. or gravatar. whatever the heck it is…this technology really is over my head!

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 12, 2010
5:14 pm

#105 sudabaki© :

Skully, congrats on COTD. Well deserved!!

98 Kimmer-G: If you clear your cache you should be able to see Raz’s new avi.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 12, 2010
5:18 pm

#106 IscreamUscream :

Well…this stuff just grates on ya, until you do something:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2683/4351951901_1a96d39d24_o.jpg

There.

Rate this comment: +39

Feb 12, 2010
5:50 pm

#107 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

what a crock of shit

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 12, 2010
6:00 pm

#108 madamedefarge :

I sure hope this ring is adjustable so it’s still fits when I lose all the weight.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 12, 2010
6:11 pm

#109 Vile & Evil Debbie Downer :

IScream, I want some of that! Bet it sparkles +5 Charm when you pour milk over it.

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 12, 2010
6:13 pm

#110 Vile & Evil Debbie Downer :

Suspecting this was granted its magickal properties using a 20-sided die.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 12, 2010
6:19 pm

#111 Lola :

You know, the idea of a ring to wear as a reminder to put down that tub of deep fried lard and pick up some fresh fruit is not such a bad one, but then this lady has to go all majykkall and claim the ring itself is imbued with the power to make you stop eating crap and make better decisions. Forget this shit and put the $50 toward some workout clothes and a gym membership.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 12, 2010
6:21 pm

#112 whitmansspider :

Amazing! I feel $50 lighter already!

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 12, 2010
6:22 pm

#113 whitmansspider :

#2 Sammy the Goose :

So, is there some sort of Spell Activation Committee that sets the value of magickal fuckery? And now I have to wonder what you’d get for $30.

Level 4 magickal fuckery.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 12, 2010
6:26 pm

#114 clevercat :

pure ckrap

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 12, 2010
6:27 pm

#115 Memiki :

Typical- she can’t even say what type of gemstones are in the ring. That’s where REAL VALUE lies.

*sigh* these quacks are making all gemstone jewelers look bad. We’re not all this apeshit, I promise you. Some of us actually make quality pretty jewelry without claiming that it will make you lose weight or spurt out ten babies when you’re 65 or gain the ability to talk to your dead cat or some shit.

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 12, 2010
6:29 pm

#116 jessikate :

Oh for crying out loud. This nutter lives in my city. Remind me to lock the doors and put out extra faerie food for the faerie security guards to keep her away from my kids.

Rate this comment: +22

Feb 12, 2010
6:38 pm

#117 Memiki :

I stand corrected- she did list the stones. I don’t retract anything else I said though.

And skully- your comment made me choke on my Cherry Garcia ice cream bar. Which won’t make me fat cause I happen to be wearing a gemstone ring. Right? …Right?

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 12, 2010
6:40 pm

#118 willandwont :

Ah, so this is what I’ve been doing wrong all the time. I haven’t been using a magickal ring to lose weight and I haven’t been enspelling my jewelry to make it sell. I wonder if she sells the spells alone?

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 12, 2010
6:52 pm

#119 whaapplewha :

This ring is like The Picture of Dorian Gray. I’m pretty sure for every pound you lose, the ring tarnishes just a little bit more, until there is nothing left but a chunk of charcoal hanging off of your bony, claw-like finger.
I’ll take two!

Rate this comment: +17

Feb 12, 2010
6:52 pm

#120 willandwont :

I found it! Here’s the answer (to everything). http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=36180665

Let’s see, I want lots of money, a new car and world peace. Jeez, I’m surprised no one else has picked up on this – or maybe that’s Donald Trump’s secret.

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 12, 2010
7:03 pm

#121 NedTheDeadInRed :

Danorz:

>>crystal hippies get on my TITS.

I don’t let hippies get on my tits unless they have at least taken me out for a nice dinner first, and maybe shown me a decent night out.

Of course, I am a man, so the fact that I *have* tits is pretty pathetic…

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 12, 2010
7:10 pm

#122 UnaBee :

No.
No no no.
NONONONONONONO.
This is gross.
I don’t believe in any majigickacal anything- but I think if such forces were real and possible to harness or trap in a piece of jewelry, trying to use them to lose weight or get money would be the most base bullshit. Isn’t that like praying for a fancy car? Please, god/s/dess, take time out of your celestial whateverthefuck to give me a car and a tight ass. Gross.

Rate this comment: +16

Feb 12, 2010
7:11 pm

#123 UnaBee :

Also I will bet you a billion dollars she’s got “The Secret” on her bookshelf.

Rate this comment: +16

Feb 12, 2010
7:13 pm

#124 willandwont :

#121 – I thought I was done for the night but just have to say that so reminds me of my sister who used to pray for a good parking space.

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 12, 2010
7:15 pm

#125 IscreamUscream :

@willandort–Incredibly, that is worse. Vintage? Hell…that’s fresh off the boat, and it looks glass to me, with a *classy* solder job. $2 hippy fair ring.

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 12, 2010
7:24 pm

#126 littykidder :

With my ever so precious gem encrusted double penile pronged crystal tipped rainbow feathered enspelled enameled & shellacked wanky wand , I command the big
cheese at etsy to have a little quality control control.

Rate this comment: +14

Feb 12, 2010
7:25 pm

#127 NedTheDeadInRed :

Dude, I put an avatar in Gravatar, but it only seems connected to my e-mail account. Hate to sound stupid, but are there instructions anywhere to get it in *here*?

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 12, 2010
7:25 pm

#128 al_frank2000 :

But wait, if you act right now we’ll throw in this super love spell worth 20 dollars!
It’s all very infomercial-like. Except for the disclaimer part about it not being for those who don’t want change. That sounds more like the side-effects portion of a drug commercial.

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 12, 2010
7:27 pm

#129 NedTheDeadInRed :

Yeah, the “I will not eat…I love my body….” blablabla…it’s called AFFIRMATIONS. Basic principle of psychology, particularly associated with cognitive behavioral therapy.

Ain’t no “majick” about it (even if you spell magic right).

“Because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.”

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 12, 2010
7:31 pm

I’m going to make rings with this picture on them

http://www.everydayhealth.com/forums/talk-it-up/topic/what-does-your-fat-look-like

That’ll make ya think twice as the hand with the oreo and that ring nears your mouth. Nothing magickal about that.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 12, 2010
7:39 pm

#131 Monstrosa :

From the shop announcement: “The Custom Binding includes an Activation, and Triple Re-charge on the vessel.”

Is she enslaving ghosts? Does the price include protection against spiritual retribution? Is this gonna screw up my karma rating?

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 12, 2010
7:56 pm

#132 IscreamUscream :

@monstrosa yeah–what if she pisses off the spirit mafia? Am I gonna wake up in the spirit world someday, welded inside an oil barrel for all eternity?

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 12, 2010
8:05 pm

#133 grodelated :

my favorite part is the disclaimers:
“By purchasing you agree that activities may or may not occur and I am not responsible of any related issues. You must be 18 years of age to make this purchase; you solely agree that your purchase is subject to your own interpretation.”

insofar as that last part makes any sense, it’s pretty hilarious.

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 12, 2010
8:07 pm

#134 Holytape :

Question: What’s better than a gift that says, “Honey, you’re fat,.. really, really fat. I mean the only difference between you and a beached whale is that the whale doesn’t go back for thirds at the Old Country Buffet. But now that I told you that you are morbidly obese, I want you to know that I don’t care enough about you to do anything for you that would actually help you. Happy Valentine’s Day”?

Answer: A pork chop, that’s what.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 12, 2010
8:32 pm

#135 shibori :

I’m an attorney, and I’m totally going to sneak the phrase:

“Legal disclaimer: By purchasing you agree that activities may or may not occur and I am not responsible of any related issues.”

in as many of my contracts as possible. Clients never read their crap anyway, so I doubt they’ll notice. And it will make for interesting litigation if a situation arises.

Rate this comment: +14

Feb 12, 2010
9:26 pm

#136 spiritwunion :

Item the First. A person can believe in spells and holistic horseshit and STILL see this as stupid, weird, and dishonest. Even we have standards. And the Mote It Be song rocks.

Item the Second, on #68: Dude, how much must it blow to be a half-price vampire?

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 12, 2010
10:08 pm

#137 MAG :

Lets all do the ring chant together….

Ohwatta goo Siam! Ohwatta goo Siam!

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 12, 2010
10:19 pm

#138 whaapplewha :

This ring is cursed. I’ve read Stephen King’s “Thinner” and I know that you don’t want to be pissin’ off no gypsy woman.
Eat the pie or you’ll waste away, bitch!

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 12, 2010
10:27 pm

#139 photorelativity :

I like this definition from my dictionary:

mote [moht]
–noun
1. a small particle or speck, esp. of dust.

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 12, 2010
11:16 pm

#140 jodirocks :

she can’t be responsible for its behavior?!? WTF is that? is it gonna kick it gremlin style and tear apart the town or something?

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 12, 2010
11:24 pm

#141 Ravyncrow :

Interesting tidbit from her profile: “If there is a spirit that interests you, and you don’t see it on the list above…it doesn’t mean I can’t help you. However, I am not Demon Master…I’ll leave that to other sellers.”

Gee I’m sure glad to know she isn’t a Demon Master. But I think enslaving spirits and binding them to pieces of cheap jewelry might be a tad demonic.

If she actually thinks she’s doing this stuff, and not just spinning a tale, I’d hate to experience the vibes…

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 12, 2010
11:24 pm

#142 Ravyncrow :

Wait … “other sellers”? There are Demon Masters on Etsy?

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 12, 2010
11:25 pm

#143 Ravyncrow :

argh that was supposed to be “I’d hate to experience the vibes in her house” *sigh*

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 12, 2010
11:40 pm

#144 CreepyLittleGirl :

Nice escape hatch. “It only works for those who are ready.” So if it doesn’t work, it’s the buyer’s fault for not being “ready” and not the seller for selling ridiculous con-artist and/or delusional bullshit.

Rate this comment: +14

Feb 12, 2010
11:53 pm

#145 clitty's got claws :

This person gives us Wiccans/Witches/Pagans a bad rep! I can’t stand people like this!

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 13, 2010
6:30 am

#146 raven :

I do not know what is worse..the seller or someone who would actually buy the ring.

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 13, 2010
6:30 am

#147 jenniferjuniper :

Aw come on! As an actual Wiccan I hate that people like this make such a mockery of my religion! This reminds me of the olden days when people like this traveled from door to door with snake oil and salves. Unfortunately now they can reach a much broader audience with the world wide web!

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 13, 2010
9:28 am

#148 rip and snort :

so mote it be…. the next regretsy t-shirt.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 13, 2010
4:10 pm

#149 IscreamUscream :

@jenniferjuniper–yeah, I’ll respect anybody’s sincere beliefs, but here cynicism was just so thick by how she worded things–hence my reaction.

Rate this comment: -1

Feb 13, 2010
5:20 pm

#150 janncri :

Everytime I think I’ve seen it all… Just had to congratulate Skully – best song yet.

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 13, 2010
8:18 pm

#151 mtopia :

@#124 “Hail Mary, full of grace! Help me find a parking place!”

Also this: “If you would like a custom bound Otherworld Entity, please convo me!” A sentence rarely uttered.

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 14, 2010
2:31 pm

#152 susanave :

I’m not up on the majickal, what is a custom binding anyway?

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 14, 2010
9:40 pm

#153 Night Cowl :

So, Ghosthunters, with all their elaborate equipment can barely catch a shadow or hear a voice or get a spirit to respond to questions or get them to move something………….but this lady has them lined up and ready to sell on Etsy. Complete with a 35 page interview and they answer your questions.

And what are you supposed to do with a spirit once you get it. Does it clean your house? Do your laundry? Give you the winning lotto numbers?

And did you read the glowing feedback?

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 14, 2010
9:46 pm

#154 Night Cowl :

I’m sorry, if someone asked me about my new laboridite pendant and I told them it was a vessel holding a 4,000 year old vampire….well, lets just say they’d be holding a family meeting to decide where I would be spending the next few weeks.

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 15, 2010
8:06 am

#155 beqi :

I am beyond certain that this ring smells like cigarettes and cat urine when it arrives.

Rate this comment: +5

Mar 20, 2010
11:01 am

#156 CatherinetteRings :

Magickal Ring of weight loss :

+ 1 loss weight *
- 5 intelligence
- 5 Charisma

* people might stop feeding you which can result in major loss of weight .

Rate this comment: +1