Metal Urges
I think what this card is trying to say is that sometimes, love is like a metal thing. Or maybe like one of those old Daisy Wheels they used to use in printers. That’s the great thing about love; it’s different for everyone. It can be like a weird serving dish, or maybe you can put a candle on it.
Then again, love is a lot like a picture you tore out of a magazine for no apparent reason, other than you were bored under the dryer and thought you could decoupage it on something.
LOVE YOU!
February 10, 2010 at 9:43 am
What a second, this isn’t just any card, it’s a card by DENISE SLOAN. Yes, yes, THE Denise Sloan, cardmaker. You mean you don’t know who that is?? Yeah, me neither.
February 10, 2010 at 9:49 am
I mean c’mon, if you’re gonna appropriate an image from a mag , is it asking too much to crop the shit
a little more artfully?
February 10, 2010 at 9:52 am
Oh god oh god! Oh god!!! Childhood. nightmare. coming.true. Crap crap it’s Pinhead. OH GOD. He scares the shit out of me. oh god og godsgghoefwddcq32r3r…
February 10, 2010 at 9:53 am
I wanna get lockjaw with you, baby.
February 10, 2010 at 9:56 am
……nightmare! ohgodogohgod…Therapist!!!
February 10, 2010 at 9:56 am
I’m trying to put myself in the shoes of the recipient and the only thing I come up with is “WTF?!”
February 10, 2010 at 9:59 am
Dunno…if you want to make the card “metal”–I’d take it a bit further than a ’60s wall ornament.
So that’s what I see in her work…it’s not really taken anywhere–like this “normally $600 fine art photo”, which I suspect was taken by the family dog. Some things just shouldn’t be “archival”. I’m bothered by this overhype–it blurs the distinction between talent and non-talent. /rant
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=36338287
February 10, 2010 at 10:00 am
oh pinhead, I’m stuck on you, too! <3
February 10, 2010 at 10:01 am
Hey, thanks for reminding me to get my tetanus booster this year!
February 10, 2010 at 10:01 am
love the hellraiser valentine…lmfao
pinhead- hahaha!!
February 10, 2010 at 10:02 am
it looks like an egg separator gadget thingie…also, the seller doesn’t seem to know the difference between her left and her right, but that’s the least of her problems
February 10, 2010 at 10:03 am
LOVE YOU! http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/Opkakeren/LOVEYOU.jpg
February 10, 2010 at 10:04 am
Nothin’ says “Love” like Tetanus and/or Lockjaw.
February 10, 2010 at 10:06 am
Dear Valentine,
Your MAGNETIC personality has WHEELED me in. You’re my TYPE. I’m sure if we SPOKE more often, you’d PIN me to your heart.
February 10, 2010 at 10:11 am
check out this listing…
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=25276020
notice how she mentions in capital letters, that these are UNIQUE, yet read this, “I had the idea from some button magnets I saw on Etsy.”
hrmmm, so i guess your idea wasn’t so unique after all, eh?
February 10, 2010 at 10:12 am
@Raz
maybe she loves the yolk–but tosses the whites?
Pinhead makes this card so much better!
February 10, 2010 at 10:13 am
My snarkometer starts to fire up as soon as I see
‘So & So’s CREATIONS’ …
February 10, 2010 at 10:14 am
Do not insult pinhead like that!
February 10, 2010 at 10:16 am
$4??? No thanks.
February 10, 2010 at 10:21 am
Oh no, a Helen Killer typo!
February 10, 2010 at 10:22 am
So that’s where all my missing nail-clippers are!
February 10, 2010 at 10:23 am
I think the red torn heart is what really makes the piece. It adds an extra flair of laziness.
February 10, 2010 at 10:26 am
I have to know where she got th paper to make the torn heart. Why does it have greek lettering on it?
Myabe she tore it out of her gyro wrapper while reading the magazive she stole the metal image out of.
My 5yo makes better valentines.
February 10, 2010 at 10:27 am
She’s also tagged it with Day of the Dead. I think she’s just dyslexic, but for holidays.
February 10, 2010 at 10:27 am
Damn typos, I blame the bonjouv stamp.
February 10, 2010 at 10:28 am
As romantic as the reclaimed hubcap candy dish my girlfriend gave me as a gift!
February 10, 2010 at 10:29 am
http://twitpic.com/12fi40
February 10, 2010 at 10:29 am
#10, that she lacks knowledge of left and right disturbed me most of all. Weren’t we all taught that trick where you hold your fingers up to make an “L?”
February 10, 2010 at 10:34 am
She has a lot of chutzpah charging $300.00 for the photos in her shop(1/2 price sale no less)What planet are these people living on?
$225.00 for a damn doiley, $300.00 for a miscarriage of a wedding dress,$20 for a stick.
February 10, 2010 at 10:35 am
@bondgurl — I’m stuck on the Greek letter heart, too. The character is omega. Usually symbolizes the end. And, it looks like it is from some Omega (the watch company) packing material or something. Nothing says I look forward to a long relationship together better than omega.
February 10, 2010 at 10:36 am
Happy VD!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/36532708@N00/4346042585/
February 10, 2010 at 10:37 am
Look what I got Pinhead for VD! He especially loved all the pearlized pins that came with it.
http://twitpic.com/12fipm
February 10, 2010 at 10:40 am
#31 Vile & Evil DD !SLAY! Touche!
February 10, 2010 at 10:43 am
Righteoussss, sudabaki©.
February 10, 2010 at 10:45 am
Aww thanks Debbie but I tip my speculum to you.
February 10, 2010 at 10:45 am
I’m enjoying all the PS work
February 10, 2010 at 10:47 am
#35 IScream, your comment about the dog LOL’d me.
Skully, the missus is one lucky lady. Nothing says I love you like a rusty nail.
February 10, 2010 at 10:54 am
suda, happy Venereal Disease, indeeed LOL
hope the gyno catches it in time…
February 10, 2010 at 10:56 am
Raz, I’m anxiously awaiting your PS fuckery!
February 10, 2010 at 10:57 am
The perfect card to tell your amouv “I love you and I gave you the clap”
February 10, 2010 at 11:08 am
Three in stock? That’s lucky.
Actually in the time it took to press ‘bid’ or whatever you could have made an exact replica of this card from things you find in the bin.
February 10, 2010 at 11:13 am
Was this really worth the papercut she had to have gotten?
Loved everyone’s photoshopping so far. You guys… *sniffle* I can feel the love. It oozes forth from you like a rash that needs to be looked at.
February 10, 2010 at 11:27 am
I think what the seller is trying to say is that she doesn’t know her left from right.
February 10, 2010 at 11:29 am
Happy Valdez Day!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/27900808@N06/4346162321/
February 10, 2010 at 11:39 am
@Raz,
At least love of coffee is something real and visceral…to me. 
February 10, 2010 at 11:39 am
LOL@30&31
And Skully… very sexy.. lol
February 10, 2010 at 11:51 am
Maybe someone could photoshop that thing to look like a metal collar on that darn little kitty.
Just trying to get into the Vday spirit, but unfortunately I am technologically challenged. Plus you guys and gals do it so well!
February 10, 2010 at 11:51 am
I think the word she actually meant to use was MENTAL, not METAL.
February 10, 2010 at 11:56 am
Raz, you win my comment of the day! That card makes me love you more than coffee and shitting! http://twitpic.com/125rvx
February 10, 2010 at 12:02 pm
PS requestys: Doc Ock (this guy: http://img2.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/040421/144411__spiderman2_l.jpg ) or Iron Man or even this guy ( http://scifiwire.com/assets_c/2009/06/IronMan2_Rourke_Whiplash-thumb-550×561-19189.jpg ) receiving this valentine? Please?
February 10, 2010 at 12:04 pm
Now I want that metal thing to make an Iron Man costume.
February 10, 2010 at 12:04 pm
awww, gee shucks and thanks, suda
February 10, 2010 at 12:05 pm
vox- mickey rourke is one scary mofo
February 10, 2010 at 12:38 pm
Suda, I designed that card for Rusty Nail, who is forever searching for the elusive Candy Cane.
This year, I’m letting Mrs. Skully pick her own Valentine’s Day present:
http://twitpic.com/12g8pm
February 10, 2010 at 12:40 pm
Skully, I bet she’ll pick the condom pudding!
February 10, 2010 at 12:42 pm
Happy ValenTines Day!
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2632/4346332183_b046373fac_o.jpg
February 10, 2010 at 12:50 pm
@Sunshine
I see your point–you have served up a dangerous ValenTine
February 10, 2010 at 1:02 pm
Is anyone else totally creeped out/confused by the Omega pattern on the red paper?
“Love You: this is the Last valentine’s card you’ll ever get.”
“Love You: it’s the End of our relationship!”
“Love You: I’m so glad we’ll be together when the Rapture happens!”
“It’s the end of the world as we know it…and I love you.”
February 10, 2010 at 1:09 pm
I love you all today! These posts are awesomesauce! Thanks for making me snort! BTW, who else puts their drink down and swallows their beverage before clicking on the links?
February 10, 2010 at 1:10 pm
#56 iamhydrogen- she probably inferred that she would “love you tell the end of time”
February 10, 2010 at 1:12 pm
The omega can also signify “ohm” and I have no idea what that could mean. This POS scrap paper looks like some sort of sorority bullshit.
btw – Thanks for the thumbs down in my previous psychotic break. I love that when I beg for a therapist, you bitches thumbs-down me.
I have a special Valentine’s card for ya! LOVE YOU!!
February 10, 2010 at 1:16 pm
I am so relieved I don’t have to go to Hallmark at the last minute. I’m just going to rip random crap out of my Better Homes and Gardens and glue it to a piece of computer paper. So heartfelt.
February 10, 2010 at 1:18 pm
#54 Fixed, to better illustrate the true sentiment behind the card: http://www.flickr.com/photos/47435102@N04/4346422349/
When you give a card like this you only have yourself to blame when they tell you to fork off.
February 10, 2010 at 1:21 pm
Efit, twasn’t me. I feel the exact same way about Mickey Rourke. I’m so glad Raz commented to give me a heads up before I clicked on Voxwoman’s links. I’ll get your therapist if you’ll give me a hug.
February 10, 2010 at 1:22 pm
Seriously, tho… what is that metal thing? Is it for knitting… like for a machine that manufactures socks?!? I swear I saw something like that on “How It’s Made” once or twice. Hey you kids, what the hell is that thing?
February 10, 2010 at 1:24 pm
@#62: {{{HUG}}}}
If I could make it triple all caps and bold, I would.
(And I was being serious about my Pinhead thing. Seriously gives me shivers. Dirty mattresses, skinless bitches, chomping teeth. OH MY GOD OMGOMGOMG. Mickey Rourke! Mickey Rourke!)
February 10, 2010 at 1:25 pm
#63 snarkeygirl: Duh, it’s an abstract metal design.
February 10, 2010 at 2:23 pm
….Someone ought to make one of these with clippings from a porn mag.
February 10, 2010 at 2:56 pm
LOL @ the pinhead picture!
“Dear Valentine, I love you so much I hope you get tetanus!”
or is it…
“Dear Valentine, I hope you cut a major vein so I can get closer to your heart by writhing in you blood. I LOVE YOU!!!”
February 10, 2010 at 3:01 pm
I immediately thought she bronzed her disc of birth control pills.
Nothing says I love you like “I want to trap you into being with me by having your unwanted baby.”
February 10, 2010 at 3:01 pm
Also, I don’t think that even any of my original paintings go for as much as her prints. She’s very, oh, lets just say hopeful, at the very least.
February 10, 2010 at 3:16 pm
You are the magnet, I am the steel.
February 10, 2010 at 3:33 pm
Inside greeting: “Valentine, you are like the metal plate in my head…with me always!”
February 10, 2010 at 3:38 pm
I don’t understand why she thought this would be a good idea.
February 10, 2010 at 3:38 pm
4 out of the 6 sentences start with the word “card”.
February 10, 2010 at 3:48 pm
#52 Skully :
Suda, I designed that card for Rusty Nail, who is forever searching for the elusive Candy Cane.
This year, I’m letting Mrs. Skully pick her own Valentine’s Day present:
http://twitpic.com/12g8pm
__________________________________________
Hilarious! I want some of the Pregnancy Hair Removal Cream.
February 10, 2010 at 4:16 pm
Am I the only one who thought it was a picture of birth control stuck to a card? “Love you. Not enough to squeeze one of your hellspawn out, but love you.”
February 10, 2010 at 5:19 pm
this thing looks like what birth control comes in. too bad her parents didnt use it.
February 10, 2010 at 7:16 pm
#56: Yes.
February 10, 2010 at 7:23 pm
#68 PinwheelPeeWee, that’s what I thought, too – I thought it was some sort of “surprise, I love you, we’re pregnant!” crap…
February 10, 2010 at 9:51 pm
Hmmm. $4 doesn’t seem like near enough money to cover the crack I’d need to smoke to consider buying it in the first place.
February 10, 2010 at 10:45 pm
JURY ETSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
February 10, 2010 at 10:59 pm
snarkeygirl, I am almost 100% sure that it is part of a circular knitting machine. I went and looked at the larger image, and those look fundamentally like the needles on my (straight) knitting machine.
February 10, 2010 at 11:48 pm
YEah, Mags, I agree! ‘Cept, I’ve looked online, and all the machines have a hole in the center for the yarn to pass through. . . Maybe the flat part was added on… it is weird.
February 11, 2010 at 5:01 am
Looks like a bear trap to me. Mittens better watch out.
February 11, 2010 at 6:21 am
yeah, the flat part looks like it came from something else, or is made specifically to just be a decorative piece of metal.