I Don’t
If the marriage doesn’t work out, you can get a hostess job at Mykonos House of Hummus.
UPDATE: A fine View it in Room submitted by IscreamUscream
119 comments on I Don’t
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If the marriage doesn’t work out, you can get a hostess job at Mykonos House of Hummus.
UPDATE: A fine View it in Room submitted by IscreamUscream
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February 9, 2010 at 1:33 pm
Feh, my eyes are bleeding now…and the model looks constipated. Instead of I do, make that I dodo.
February 9, 2010 at 1:35 pm
On the plus side , at least she spared the vintage linen lovlies.
February 9, 2010 at 1:35 pm
Bwagh! It’s Bride of Craftenstein!
February 9, 2010 at 1:35 pm
This is all types of wrong… might be okay for those who want to shade their nipples from the sunshine whilst breast feeding… and the gold “belt” looks more like a whip? Handy for the night of your wedding? Or? Not? Not.
February 9, 2010 at 1:36 pm
I like this one:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=36946099
Nothing says “fairy tale wedding” like a bit of limp chiffon on a stained and tattered mannequin.
February 9, 2010 at 1:38 pm
is this a gotdamn joke? *blank stare*
February 9, 2010 at 1:38 pm
I didn’t know Ace Bandages came in Gold Metallic!?
February 9, 2010 at 1:38 pm
LOL That looks like one of my ugly prom dresses.
February 9, 2010 at 1:40 pm
umm…this must be what you wear when you’re only getting married because it’s been arranged or someone is holding a shotgun.
February 9, 2010 at 1:40 pm
its a contraception device
February 9, 2010 at 1:41 pm
WTF is up with that doily? All that’s missing is a zebra cow and a broken 45.
February 9, 2010 at 1:42 pm
Well I hope she recovers from the sprained ankles caused by the obvious cat attack to the hem of the creation….carry on brave soldier.
February 9, 2010 at 1:42 pm
crepe de shit
February 9, 2010 at 1:43 pm
The look on the models face:
“Oh man, this is so going to make it on Regretsy. Kill me now.”
February 9, 2010 at 1:46 pm
#8lyontamer…it was your prom dress, up/downcycled, reappropriated or whatever, & still inappropriate &
butt ugly.
February 9, 2010 at 1:49 pm
@Skully
perhaps to dry the bride’s tears? She seems to be on the verge of reconsidering…
I’m a little dumbfounded how this tacks on a decade or two to her appearance–that takes a talent.
February 9, 2010 at 1:51 pm
…raw dege …wtf, can’t these people spell or at least double check their listings? Is it that difficult?
February 9, 2010 at 1:58 pm
At least the model is able to relieve her constipation here : http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=32829681
February 9, 2010 at 2:00 pm
look at 3rd photo for potty shot : http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=32829681
February 9, 2010 at 2:00 pm
Can someone tell me what “cotton slub” is?
February 9, 2010 at 2:01 pm
She should pay her models enough to smile and pretend they actually LIKE the clothes. At this point I’m tempted to purchase them so I can take them out back and shoot them before they claim another suicide victim.
February 9, 2010 at 2:03 pm
The poor girl looks miserable.
February 9, 2010 at 2:04 pm
I also think we should all pitch in and buy her a dictionary so she can learn what the words “stunning” and “beautiful” mean. Not to mention learning that “slub” and “dege” aren’t actually words.
February 9, 2010 at 2:04 pm
i think this dress would work…
if tinkerbell was marrying peter pan
February 9, 2010 at 2:05 pm
btw everyone, i think the model is the artist herself…check out the avatar box on etsy
February 9, 2010 at 2:06 pm
All that’s missing is the matching honeymoon attire: a knitted corset and a gold braided g string, with tacky silk flowers and butterflies hot glued everywhere.
February 9, 2010 at 2:06 pm
You know, I used to see things like this on Etsy and wonder, “who buys this?!” Thank God for Regretsy!
February 9, 2010 at 2:07 pm
@#16 ISUS: Yeah, I’m looking at her and thinking “extra yogurt sauce on that gyro, honey.”
February 9, 2010 at 2:09 pm
It’s like little girls dress-up game gone wrong!
February 9, 2010 at 2:10 pm
@Razz:
If that is her that makes it even worse! How do you sell something that makes you cry when you put it on?
I don’t hate this though:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=31038938
February 9, 2010 at 2:11 pm
Wow, it’s always been my dream to get married in a dish-cloth dress. Sort of a post-feminist, post-ironic, post-taste statement of shittiness.
February 9, 2010 at 2:20 pm
It almost looks like the top is chain mail. For the ultimate protection against second base!
February 9, 2010 at 2:21 pm
Nothing says Spring Bride like the gold gladiator thong sandals she’s sportin’.
Strangely, the dress has me craving a Hostess Snoball.
February 9, 2010 at 2:22 pm
I’d hate to see what the bridesmaids have to wear.
February 9, 2010 at 2:22 pm
this is a prime example of what cheeses me off about a lot of the upcyclers/designers out there anymore….. its as if the crappier the workmanship, the “hipper” it is. Unfinished seams, crooked seams, textiles jammed together that can’t be cleaned with the same method….all in the name of being a DIY-tastic-hipster-chick. Sad.
PS, wtf is knitted crepe? Last time I checked, crepe was a treatment of a textile to create a texture, i.e. crepe rayon, crepe silk.
February 9, 2010 at 2:23 pm
Raz, I was thinking the same thing, that she’s the artist. I don’t get it. That dress looks like the toilet paper cover in my dear aunt Ethel’s bathroom.
February 9, 2010 at 2:23 pm
Maybe that’s why she’s sad. She’s gonna get a whuppin’ from granny when she finds her doily has disappeared.
February 9, 2010 at 2:23 pm
This is NOT a wedding dress…
This is the bridesmaid dress at Wonder Woman’s wedding.
February 9, 2010 at 2:24 pm
ok, aside from the fact that this is fugly and extremely unflattering, why the plastic flowers? The seller is obviously capable of making flowers, as seen in other items she has for sale: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=34133598 I’m not saying they’re GOOD flowers, but they’re better than the dollar store crap affixed here.
And don’t get me started on the “gold braid belt”….
February 9, 2010 at 2:25 pm
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=32830443
This is TRAGIC.
February 9, 2010 at 2:26 pm
Raz, Suda
And the dress comes “potpourri-scented”.
February 9, 2010 at 2:28 pm
@ #30 I’d say the whole outfit qualifies as the ultimate protection against second base!
February 9, 2010 at 2:29 pm
I”m glad its different from ‘cotton slub’, no one wants cotton slub on their wedding dress…
February 9, 2010 at 2:29 pm
I don’t know what “cotton slub” is and frankly, I don’t want to know.
February 9, 2010 at 2:30 pm
#31 Wilma Fingerdoo : Strangely, the dress has me craving a Hostess Snoball..
Me: ..To throw at her.
February 9, 2010 at 2:31 pm
“#18 voxwoman :
Can someone tell me what “cotton slub” is?”
“Slub” is yarn that isn’t evenly combed out before being spun, so it’s bumpy.
The Regretsy English Dictionary defines it as:
“Slub” 1. A speech-impeded verbalization of disrespect (“Hey, I wab tahggin’ to you, why’d you slub me?”) 2. A speech-impeded or misunderstood/misspelled besmirchment of character (“Yo mama, she a slub.”)
February 9, 2010 at 2:31 pm
The only “slub” here is the chick who made it.
February 9, 2010 at 2:31 pm
Where the skirt meets the bodice (I use that term loosely), it looks like she sewed it inside-out. I thought that part of the seam was supposed to be on the inside.
February 9, 2010 at 2:31 pm
This…is…so sad. If this dress was a wedding, it would be the “everyone is silently thinking this isn’t going to last but we showed up to choke down free food” kind of wedding. This makes me sad.
February 9, 2010 at 2:32 pm
Eeek, IScream…it does look potpourri scented!!
February 9, 2010 at 2:32 pm
#33 – The last time I checked, a crepe was a tasty pastry.
At first glance I thought those were gold-plated roaches on her shoulder. (And my next thought was “least they aren’t human ivory”) But if I wanted to get married with insects on my dress I’d just have the ceremony in the closest Pilot Travel Center’s bathroom. This dress is one hot mess.
February 9, 2010 at 2:32 pm
Anytime I see a poorly put together, trying to be fresh and “stunning” piece of junk, I’m going to think: “Oh, now that’s just slub.”
February 9, 2010 at 2:32 pm
#38 blondweezie
“Cotton dish cloth skirting artfully combined with hand knit dish cloth bodice and embellished with pot scrubber strap…GORGEOUS!! What all of the IN housewives-to-be are wearing!”
February 9, 2010 at 2:35 pm
But, hey at least it’s cheap at $3! Oh, wait….
February 9, 2010 at 2:35 pm
Finally, a dress that lets the bride say, “Oh, this old thing?”
February 9, 2010 at 2:37 pm
It actually manages to be uglier than the prom dress in Pretty in Pink.
February 9, 2010 at 2:43 pm
#49 UnaBee : Have to agree. I just love the word “slub.” Lub it like slub.
February 9, 2010 at 2:45 pm
She says she started her business with a loan from Prince Charles trust. Why thank you Charles.
February 9, 2010 at 2:45 pm
$300 for this?? If my mom saw something like this, she’d hang it on the wall above the piano.
February 9, 2010 at 2:48 pm
Dear lord I just noticed the price. Too distracted by those horrible doilyflies. I wonder if she’s charging by weight. What’s the cost per ounce of slub these days?
For only $300 you can have the wedding dress of your seams! Er, dreams.
February 9, 2010 at 2:54 pm
#47 Unabee, what food do you think they’d serve at this wedding? chocolate covered bacon hors-d’ouvres?
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=39376466
(and…it SOLD? WTF?
February 9, 2010 at 2:56 pm
looks like my best effort at costuming for our high school production of “a funny thing happened on the way to the forum” and trust when i say that my best effort involved duct tape at the back.
February 9, 2010 at 2:58 pm
#32Chrisnyc1213
That is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard!
February 9, 2010 at 2:59 pm
You guys were right–the Gyros venue really adds to the pathos:
http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4045/4344809560_1e2cc5694e_o.jpg
February 9, 2010 at 3:02 pm
A GOLD BRAID BELT TRIM WITH ADDITION BLOOMS OMG
February 9, 2010 at 3:16 pm
Oh dear. Can I claw my eyeballs out now please?
I sew. I sew a lot. If I made something like this I’d have to kill myself, not vomit it onto the web…
February 9, 2010 at 3:20 pm
Actually Vox (#57) I’m starting to think they’d serve hummus at this wedding, what with all the gyro waitress references- and they’d serve it on one of these:
http://www.regretsy.com/2009/11/20/poo-poo-platter/
February 9, 2010 at 3:20 pm
@#60 ISUS: LMFAO! You guys are killing me today!
February 9, 2010 at 3:21 pm
I lost my virginity in that same dress!
February 9, 2010 at 3:25 pm
@#64 Craiggers: So that stain isn’t yogurt sauce?
February 9, 2010 at 3:49 pm
$300 to look fat, lumpy and frumpy on my wedding day? What a bargain. Plus I can save on the photographer because there is no way I’d be photographed wearing a plastic flower arrangement that was drug out of my grandmother’s garage.
February 9, 2010 at 3:51 pm
What girl hasn’t dreamed of looking like a dumpy, frumpy, cheap fairy on her wedding day? I know I sure have.
February 9, 2010 at 3:55 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 9, 2010 at 4:00 pm
#68 hidden… please don’t take this the wrong way, but that listing is freaking me out!
February 9, 2010 at 4:01 pm
Wonder if the fairy poacher is looking for a wedding dress?????
February 9, 2010 at 4:01 pm
My four year old just saw this and asked “How come she’s not wearing her dress upside down?” I bet it would look better that way.
February 9, 2010 at 4:05 pm
Over under sideways ,inside out or upside down , there is no upside to this slubby fruit salad abomination ,jmhao
February 9, 2010 at 4:06 pm
Christ, what an ugly dress.
February 9, 2010 at 4:09 pm
This dress received 12 hearts. Time to throw myself in front of a slub….I mean bus…….
February 9, 2010 at 4:09 pm
#69: The knitting would take maybe 10 bucks of wool tops and is hastilly knitted on oversized needles. The voile is unhemmed and gathered roughly with a very poor waist seam and tatty edges that would take maybe an hour to put together and cost about 20 bucks tops for the fabric. The flowers are passable, but also inexpensive, but the lace is like offcut afterthought thrown on the bodice, and probably about 5 bucks worth. So 50 bucks tops to make with no skill. What’s not to regretsy?
February 9, 2010 at 4:14 pm
#38 blondeweezie – what I find sad is the mention of the “U.K. designer” like that in itself will make it seem so chic and better to us Americans. (well strictly speaking I am Canadian but like you all give a damn about that little distinction – was this about me?)
Suda – way to mess up the kids LOL
February 9, 2010 at 4:15 pm
She appears to be pregnant, and she’s almost barefoot, so we can hope she’ll be posted on POWM soon after the nuptuals, getching Cheez Doodles and Fanta for the reception.
February 9, 2010 at 4:16 pm
Um, “fetching”, even.
February 9, 2010 at 4:16 pm
“Beautiful,stunning and unique” – a very powerful statement. Too bad it has no relation to the dress pictured.
February 9, 2010 at 4:19 pm
@#74 SD: I gave it a heart in hopes of getting free fried zucchini.
February 9, 2010 at 4:23 pm
iscream- photoshop
@hidden -guess you haven’t seen our past snarky commentaries for other posts on regretsy…
it may not be poorly sewn, but this dress may have been chosen for all or any of the following:
1- looks like a fairy/hippy thing that no real adult would wear, especially not to a wedding
2-the model looks less than thrilled
3-the price is beyond ridiculous
4-the description is annoying
these are just a few of the reasons why this item most likely made it to regretsy
February 9, 2010 at 4:25 pm
Skully – did u buy the foil cards?…*nudge nudge*
February 9, 2010 at 4:27 pm
Raz you forgot to say AND she was not angling to be ON regretsy
February 9, 2010 at 4:31 pm
#80- raz I think you’re wrong.
About it not being poorly sewn.
All the other stuff I agree with.
February 9, 2010 at 4:32 pm
#68- hidden (ironically, hidden)-
I will be double fisting Hostess Snowballs in your honor.
February 9, 2010 at 5:02 pm
nice chainmail bodice. do you expect orcs at your wedding?
February 9, 2010 at 5:07 pm
Perfect- only if your wedding day is April 1st.
February 9, 2010 at 5:19 pm
Okay. This isn’t my cup of tea (lol – tea? She’s british? Funny, right? Ha ha! No?).
HOWEVER – if my only choices were this, and some frothy white, tulle-acetate nightmare from Brides-R-Us that people seem to favor, well, I’d proudly wear this to my wedding. No contest. I’ll take unique and ugly any day.
That being said – y’all are flipping hilarious! Great commenting / photoshoppe skilz!
February 9, 2010 at 5:56 pm
This is actually really pretty…..for a 6 year old playing dress up…maybe a fairy in a school play….
NOT IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM FOR A WEDDING DRESS GOOD GOD.
February 9, 2010 at 6:11 pm
Wait now I get it. This is a Matrix themed wedding dress.
(For those who don’t get that, the “unplugged people all wore tattered sweaters and what not..)
February 9, 2010 at 6:32 pm
even matrix tatt was sexy, though.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_kLLeYeQqt8M/R8yhbq0tqDI/AAAAAAAAAl0/OzO9eGwPRh8/s800/matrix.jpg
February 9, 2010 at 7:03 pm
That girl is actually kind of cute. I wonder how they got her to put on that “dress.”
February 9, 2010 at 7:31 pm
she had a bet with Peaches N’ Cream Barbie over the dress, and she was the loser :0(
February 9, 2010 at 9:42 pm
If you took away the flowers, the lace thing, and the fact that it looks like it’s inside out, it wouldn’t look TOO bad. But $600?! That dress is worth $50, max.
February 9, 2010 at 10:04 pm
“Raw dedge” is apparently a typo for “raw edge”–in other words, for $300, she can’t even be bothered to hem the thing. I’m not even convinced that there *is* a seam between the “bodice” and the “skirt.” I think she just knitted a tank top and then wrapped a length of fabric around her waist and secured it with a piece of gold trim. Which would be creative and cute as a little kid’s dress-up costume, or maybe even a Halloween costume for an adult, but for a *wedding dress*?…
February 9, 2010 at 10:37 pm
Beautiful?! Stunning?! Really?! Who the FUCK would wear this?!
February 9, 2010 at 11:38 pm
hey who thumbs downed me you thumbsdowner?
February 10, 2010 at 1:12 am
Good thing she pointed out that GOLD BRAID BELT TRIM WITH ADDITIONAL BLOOMS IN ALL CAPS. Otherwise I wouldn’t have noticed the gaudy artificial flowers and the shoddy seam where “bodice” meets peaches and cream “skirt.”
Whew! Crisis averted.
February 10, 2010 at 3:33 am
Remind me never to buy a wedding dress where the description includes the terms “slub” and “raw dege”.
I mean really, doesn’t that just conjures up a vision of etheral beauty?
~Crazy
February 10, 2010 at 6:33 am
Poor dear. She looks embarrassed to be wearing that crap or else she has an apple fairy wand up her whatsit,
February 10, 2010 at 7:09 am
What’s with the gold cockroaches?
February 10, 2010 at 7:54 am
The model looks embarrassed to be seen in that dress, not usually a good sign. It’s is horrible dress
February 10, 2010 at 12:24 pm
I’ll damn her with faint praise for not calling this some sort of faerie fuckery, but that’s about it.
February 10, 2010 at 12:36 pm
Nothing like a dress that can take a lovely girl with a perfectly decent figure and make her look like a total frump. She looks like she rolled in a rag bin.
February 10, 2010 at 1:13 pm
#24 – raz – Nope, I think even Tink and Peter would draw the line at this. And they don’t draw the line at much: http://pixyland.org/peterpan/updatenews.html#051
February 10, 2010 at 2:09 pm
What’s up with the cockroaches?
February 10, 2010 at 4:27 pm
She didn’t even mention the gold cockroaches on the strap!
Aside from her omitting that unique selling feature, all I can think of when I look at this is “MacArthur Park”.
Someone left the cake out in the rain………
February 10, 2010 at 8:00 pm
#90 Wilma:
Yeah, I don’t know what that means.
As for the rest of you, know that with every thumbs-down, you’re all playing into my sardonic plans.
February 10, 2010 at 11:57 pm
I see a runaway groom in the future……
February 11, 2010 at 12:46 am
Ack NightCowl! I hate that song so very, very much! It totally fits, tho!
February 11, 2010 at 10:43 am
wonder what boyfriend would do if I said this is the dress I want wear at our wedding?
somehow I think that would be the last I ever saw of him…
February 11, 2010 at 11:20 am
Why is the model so cranky looking in all these items? She’s modeling pure fashion. She could at least grin.
April 27, 2011 at 12:34 am
And the best part is you can shorten it and wear it again
May 14, 2011 at 5:54 am
It looks like she took all the garbage out of her Granny’s closet and made this dress from it.