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Aluminum Fail

Posted by Helen Killer

104 comments

Do to the fact that this is a piece of crap, I am enclosing sseveral additional pieces of crap at no extra cost. However I’m keeping the clipboard and the Wonder bread bag.

Filed in Paper Goods, Spelling Issues 104 comments

104 Comments

Add Comment

Feb 9, 2010
9:34 am

#1 WrathOfFoamy :

wow, that’s great… Nothing says “I love you” like poorly made garbage

Rate this comment: +41

Feb 9, 2010
9:35 am

#2 CTP :

There’s nothing like a beautiful heartfelt gift…and this really is nothing like a beautiful heartfelt gift

Rate this comment: +99

Feb 9, 2010
9:35 am

#3 WrathOfFoamy :

’scuse me… Cheap, poorly made garbage with mistakes…

How do you fuck up such a crappy craft?

Rate this comment: +35

Feb 9, 2010
9:35 am

#4 CTP :

great minds, eh Wrath? lol

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 9, 2010
9:35 am

#5 DucksNew :

When you care enough to send the very worst

Rate this comment: +74

Feb 9, 2010
9:37 am

#6 IscreamUscream :

This conveys my sentiments exactly–to Wall St. bankers. Price is right too.

Rate this comment: +25

Feb 9, 2010
9:38 am

#7 Orlana :

This is really facepalm worthy.

Rate this comment: +16

Feb 9, 2010
9:39 am

#8 denisewalks :

I didn’t know my 6 year old had an Etsy account!

Rate this comment: +55

Feb 9, 2010
9:40 am

#9 Skully :

Message inside card reads: Dear Valentine, I want to Reynolds Wrap my arms around you.

Rate this comment: +119

Feb 9, 2010
9:41 am

#10 geekerella :

I love her beaded items – too bad I’ve already got stuff filling up my window seals.

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 9, 2010
9:42 am

#11 jeffreyrcarey :

The free items include the skin of the potato that was baked in this foil last week.

Rate this comment: +77

Feb 9, 2010
9:42 am

#12 sudabaki© :

At least the price is right, 32 1/2 cents per envelope.

Rate this comment: +19

Feb 9, 2010
9:43 am

#13 Vile & Evil Debbie Downer :

Funny…I wrap my hearts in foil, too.

Except the ones I put up in the freezer. Those get butcher paper, THEN foil.

Rate this comment: +39

Feb 9, 2010
9:45 am

#14 Sharon Dixon-Parks :

Also Available:
Wax Lips wrapped in a Cream Cheese foil
Heart Box decoupaged with a Wendy’s wrapper

Rate this comment: +28

Feb 9, 2010
9:45 am

#15 bootsychoo :

This is sad.
Sure, it’s still crap, but sad, sad crap.

Rate this comment: +34

Feb 9, 2010
9:49 am

#16 kittyofassisi :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -33

Feb 9, 2010
9:51 am

#17 Recovering Crack Baby :

I do want this for a pair of rabbit ears for my friend’s TV. Nothing says love like a card that will let them ssee “My Name is Earl” more clearly.
OOOHHHHH- I hope the free gift is a sharpie.

Rate this comment: +21

Feb 9, 2010
9:52 am

#18 Skully :

HK, LOL @ Aluminum Fail.

This VD, I’ll spend the extra $.34 for something nice from the $.99 store.

Rate this comment: +23

Feb 9, 2010
9:52 am

#19 Kimmer-G :

#9 Skully – (from previous post) I understand. I wouldn’t want to piss off Mrs. Skully either!! I’ll just have to settle for Mittens I guess…

Suda? Pass the tissue!

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 9, 2010
9:52 am

#20 TheOwlAndTheBunny :

this is obviously an exploitation of child labor.

Rate this comment: +26

Feb 9, 2010
9:52 am

#21 blondeweezie :

Look at it this way: at least the people in the asylum are making money.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 9, 2010
9:52 am

#22 silentmouth :

These are on sale because I accidentally glued a piece of string and some tin foil on them and my kid wrote on them with marker while I was checking the stove but they are in otherwise perfect condition.

Rate this comment: +34

Feb 9, 2010
9:53 am

#23 sudabaki© :

#16 The link takes me to a place to register as a seller.

#15 bootsychoo: I almost feel bad about mocking this item.

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 9, 2010
9:53 am

#24 kittyofassisi :

oops. wrong link

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=40362893

Rate this comment: +15

Feb 9, 2010
9:54 am

#25 Recovering Crack Baby :

#14- Would that be the super triple deluxe wrapper or just the Jr. I wanna go big here- LMK

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 9, 2010
9:54 am

#26 leftfoot :

When making my own, can I use the foil that I use to line my pans when I make spicy wings? The “free item” is the wonderful flavor!

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 9, 2010
9:54 am

#27 voxwoman :

that shop just made me sad. That stuff is either from a young child with inadequate supervision, or a special needs adult, who also isn’t getting adequate supervision.

Rate this comment: +33

Feb 9, 2010
9:55 am

#28 Gray :

Two things I love about this seller:

1) Everything is described as “beautiful” in the title, and
2) Everything is 65 cents!

That said, I don’t think any of it is worth $1.65 including shipping…

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 9, 2010
9:55 am

#29 blondeweezie :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=34483467

No, really- is this some kind of joke??

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 9, 2010
9:57 am

#30 voxwoman :

#24 Kitty! Did you embroider that yourself? It’s so wonderful!

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 9, 2010
9:58 am

#31 Recovering Crack Baby :

“One 5 by 6 card multicolored red and lime green will be the preffect Christmas card for anyone.”

From the stickered- glittered- holiday card. Does anyone want to guess what their preeffect may be?

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 9, 2010
10:00 am

#32 henmen :

“Say it with FOIL”

Rate this comment: +17

Feb 9, 2010
10:03 am

#33 blondeweezie :

#31 henmen :
“Say it with FOIL”

They certainly did: it said “I don’t give a f*ck.”

Rate this comment: +16

Feb 9, 2010
10:04 am

#34 photorelativity :

Poke fun if you must but her items are beautiful.
She says so herself in the titles.

Rate this comment: +31

Feb 9, 2010
10:04 am

#35 WrathOfFoamy :

Holy shit, I remember these crappy craft supplies!!
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=32857544
I grew out of them when I was like 7 and realised how easy and therefore boring this kind of crap is… Why would anyone sell these? Seriously.

Rate this comment: +14

Feb 9, 2010
10:05 am

#36 bootsychoo :

#23 sudabaki: I know. I mean, it kinda mocks itself.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 9, 2010
10:06 am

#37 WrathOfFoamy :

#33
If that works and I say I’m beautiful, does that mean I get to be a super model?

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 9, 2010
10:13 am

#38 Gray :

#35: But they’re beautiful! It says so in the title.

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 9, 2010
10:14 am

#39 Recovering Crack Baby :

#36- if you wrapped your entire self in foil and showed us all the pic.Title it beautiful and remeber to be extra careful not to stick a dick in any of it. I would at least think you were a sssssuper model.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 9, 2010
10:14 am

#40 Moons in Leo :

I need to believe this etsy seller is doing this just for the regretsy exposure. Yes, I must. I cannot continue to live in a world where this isn’t meant as a joke.

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 9, 2010
10:15 am

#41 HelenaHandbasket :

How does she lower the cost by a small fee of sseveral small free items?

Can I have her refigure my taxes?

Rate this comment: +15

Feb 9, 2010
10:15 am

#42 Skully :

http://twitpic.com/1296ep

Rate this comment: +47

Feb 9, 2010
10:17 am

#43 photorelativity :

#36 Until someone tells you otherwise!

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 9, 2010
10:17 am

#44 IscreamUscream :

@Skully

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 9, 2010
10:27 am

#45 Flamingo :

#8 I was thinking the same but about my 8 yo son.

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 9, 2010
10:29 am

#46 WrathOfFoamy :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -11

Feb 9, 2010
10:30 am

#47 Chrisnyc1213 :

It’s too bad she ruined what was surely hours and hours of work with that errant pen mark, instead of balling it up and starting over again.

Rate this comment: +14

Feb 9, 2010
10:31 am

#48 WrathOfFoamy :

Guess I could’ve left the nipples, instead of painting on blue pasties, but there ‘ya go!

Hey, trust me, it’s tough finding anything decent when googling “girl in tinfoil”

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 9, 2010
10:31 am

#49 ciaohowdy :

Oo, this is so bad, I’m not sure its fair to comment on it. Oh well.

You KNOW there’s a sweat shop of tiny hands somewhere in the Midwest masquerading as a “preschool”. “Get back to work Timmy!” “Please teacher, can’t I have a sip of water?” “No! Get back to making your whimsicle crappy Valentine’s!” >cracks whip<

Rate this comment: +19

Feb 9, 2010
10:32 am

#50 sudabaki© :

#19 Kimmer-G : Don’t hate me.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/36532708@N00/4343466233/

Rate this comment: +22

Feb 9, 2010
10:35 am

#51 Kimmer-G :

hahahaha!! hate you?! I frickin love you! shoulda asked you to be my Valenturd

that is just way too awesomesauce.

Rate this comment: +15

Feb 9, 2010
10:39 am

#52 sudabaki© :

#49 Kimmer-G :

It lreaks my sheart not to be your valenturd but still I won’t charge you .65 cents.

Rate this comment: +17

Feb 9, 2010
10:43 am

#53 madamedefarge :

The promise of freebies will lure anyone… she sold the dang Reynolds wrap.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 9, 2010
10:45 am

#54 sudabaki© :

#51 madamedefarge:

Another shop benefits from being featured on Regretsy.

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 9, 2010
10:50 am

#55 Eruanna :

IT SOLD?

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 9, 2010
10:52 am

#56 methuselah :

@ #27 voxwoman: I agree, this shop is very sad. I imagine her backstory to be that she lost her job and has no money or craft skills but has friends who sell on Etsy, and she got talked into trying it. It would explain the total lack of craftsmanship from her shop design and wares to her listings and pricing, all extremely sad. It appears she lives in the vicinity of Arkansas, which also fits the narrative. Frankly her shop makes me want to cry.

Rate this comment: +19

Feb 9, 2010
10:52 am

#57 MinnePurl :

it. sold?

Excuse me, I need to go fortify my umbrella before amphibians start falling from the sky.

Rate this comment: +20

Feb 9, 2010
10:53 am

#58 blondeweezie :

#55 MinnePurl :
it. sold?

Excuse me, I need to go fortify my umbrella before amphibians start falling from the sky.

I bet the devil is wearing ice skates today.

Rate this comment: +14

Feb 9, 2010
11:03 am

#59 ThisJustMakesMeSad :

Hey, I think I have that exact same silver stuff jammed in my kitchen drawer. Only less crumplier. Mine’s in a box, yo!

Again some talented sharpie art, woo hoo! Long live the sharpie.

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 9, 2010
11:11 am

#60 razberries :

I leave for a couple hours and come home to this fuckery…I cannot believe those things sold! The funny thing is after etsy fees and paypal fees and shipping, what is the seller really left with???
Skully that photoshop was phenomenal…LOL
and sudabaki i am jealous, i thought i was your valenturd? LOL

Rate this comment: +14

Feb 9, 2010
11:15 am

#61 ThisJustMakesMeSad :

After looking at the entire shop very closely I am convinced… no,no.. I am REALLY HOPING the seller is a young child or an adult that is a bit ’slow’ (I’m NOT trying to be mean here, seriously, I’m trying to be somewhat politically correct without coming across as preachy).

Cuz it would really suck if we were making fun of a child or a mentally retarded adult. Like, REALLY mean. And that shit ain’t cool.

Rate this comment: +18

Feb 9, 2010
11:16 am

#62 evacooper :

how does this even make money?

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 9, 2010
11:18 am

#63 evacooper :

among her other items is a yellow star of david… just what you need…

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 9, 2010
11:22 am

#64 denisewalks :

#61 no shit. If that ends up being the case, I may buy out the inventory out of guilt.

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 9, 2010
11:22 am

#65 StinkBait :

How much is she asking for the clipbord?

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 9, 2010
11:24 am

#66 Helen Killer :

Can I make a suggestion?

Let’s not start second guessing people’s emotional/economical/mental states to figure out if it’s okay to make fun of their shitty crafts. Seriously, that’s a big fun-sucker.

If a profile gives enough information and it’s clear that they have an issue, I stay away from them.

Rate this comment: +47

Feb 9, 2010
12:07 pm

#67 Ladybug :

FAILMARK: When you care enough to send the very least…

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 9, 2010
12:19 pm

#68 angie :

why couldn’t I have seen this two weeks ago?!?! i had to fly to chicago to give several demonstrations on making handmade valentine’s day cards. let’s just say that nothing i did even came close to this level of skill.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 9, 2010
12:19 pm

#69 Wilma Fingerdoo :

#46-WrathofFoamy
“Holy Shit, I remember these crappy craft supplies!!”

I think they are Aqua Dots. They were pulled from the market because they contained the date rape drug, rohypnol. Might consider ordering them to take a lick or two and dream I bought a better fuckin’ craft.

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 9, 2010
12:26 pm

#70 IscreamUscream :

@HK–good suggestion.
I won’t make it personal–I’ll just call it crap.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 9, 2010
12:46 pm

#71 SuperSnark :

The perfect card to send-if you WANT someone to break up with you !

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 9, 2010
1:02 pm

#72 buhbyebirdie :

You know, my high school art class made something similar to this! We drew a simple pencil sketch, then used white glue to make a big raised outline of the drawing, then we covered with foil, then we spray painted it and rubbed it around a little to make it look “weathered.” We then folded it in half and put construction paper inside.

I tell you that story so that I can tell you with 100% certainty that every single one of them was better than this.

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 9, 2010
1:24 pm

#73 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

oh fuck me

are you sure a 5 yr old didnt do this?

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 9, 2010
1:24 pm

#74 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

#66 Kudos helen

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 9, 2010
1:25 pm

#75 lyontamer :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -12

Feb 9, 2010
1:28 pm

#76 lyontamer :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -13

Feb 9, 2010
1:29 pm

#77 lyontamer :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -13

Feb 9, 2010
1:33 pm

#78 lyontamer :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -9

Feb 9, 2010
1:35 pm

#79 lyontamer :

This is supposed to be a cheaper version of etching and embossing, because American public schools can’t afford to teach the real thing.

Rate this comment: -1

Feb 9, 2010
1:47 pm

#80 libertyangel :

I thought Etsy stores were supposed to make money. I’m not sure how a gross profit of $.65 is gonna pay the rent.
Even if it is absolute shit at least she’s charging the right amount. She could give some lessons to the embroidery lady.

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 9, 2010
2:08 pm

#81 steviesegel :

It’s nice to know that when my son starts kindergarten I’ll be able to sell his art on Etsy

(said with tongue firmly in cheek)

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 9, 2010
2:44 pm

#82 whaapplewha :

It’s nice to see that someone isn’t buying into the whole made up “holiday” that is Valentine’s day.
Good for them for using poop brown casrdstock instead of red or pink. And good for them for recycling the aluminum foil that their burrito came in and finding a use for that shoelace that broke in 1997.
Nothing says “I love you” more than a hand written sentiment. And I’m sure that a little bit of whiteout will cover up the pen marks inside the one card.

Don’t be haters,…

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 9, 2010
2:44 pm

#83 whaapplewha :

…. ya’ll.

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 9, 2010
2:46 pm

#84 whaapplewha :

Also, I think that it was very considerate of the sseller to ssend sseveral extra cardss. There’ss alwayss the posssiblility that you might forget ssomeone and it’ss good to have a sspare card, jusst in case.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 9, 2010
3:14 pm

#85 spiritwunion :

Wow. Just. Wow.

I’m not a maker of fine things myself – though I’m not bad with a crochet hook – so it’s not often that I can literally and truthfully say that I MADE BETTER CARDS FOR MY FRIENDS IN KINDERGARTEN.

It amazes me what people try to sell online. It really does.

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 9, 2010
4:00 pm

#86 raven :

This is what a man should give his girlfriend if he has a DEATH WISH. OMG tacky!

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 9, 2010
5:06 pm

#87 Thistle :

is that a heart or a kidney?

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 9, 2010
6:25 pm

#88 Recovering Crack Baby :

OK- I did it. I bought em. My two year old made thank you’s for her b-day presents and it took for effing ever. So I thought for 1.65 she can give these to each set of grandparent’s and I don’t have to fuck around with making these and none would be the wiser.
However, after purchasing, the payment went to The New Demensions Center and I believe Craig is the guy’s name who made these.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 9, 2010
6:26 pm

#89 SueR :

I have to agree with some of the earlier folks. This is just a bunch of sad.

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 9, 2010
6:28 pm

#90 SueR :

“Craig” maps to Craig, CO.

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 9, 2010
6:28 pm

#91 Recovering Crack Baby :

OK I spelled it wrong- this is what my PayPal said

Feb 9, 2010 Payment To New Dimensions Center Completed

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 9, 2010
6:31 pm

#92 Recovering Crack Baby :

#90- I am thinking Craig maps to New Dimensions Center. Either Craig did this himself and/or someone is training him in Job Skills. That someone needs their license to be looked at.

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 9, 2010
6:34 pm

#93 SueR :

http://www.ultimatesuccesstools.com/ Way, way down at the bottom of the page it says New Dimensions Center, Craig, CO. Hmmmmm. I’m not feeling quite so bad about the mockery.

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 9, 2010
6:45 pm

#94 Recovering Crack Baby :

I never felt bad and still do not about the mockery. #93 I will be sure to let you know what the return addy is on the pkg- if there is no return addy I will tell you where it was postmarked from.

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 9, 2010
8:26 pm

#95 quantuminsanity :

They accidentally got pen on it… while pasting a bit of ripped up aluminium foil onto a bit of card…

I’m going to stop now because I don’t think it’s right to mock the intellectually handicapped…

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 9, 2010
9:08 pm

#96 clitty's got claws :

Friends don’t let friends post listings on Etsy while they’re high.

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 9, 2010
9:15 pm

#97 FrouLaLa :

@crack baby – please oh please let us know what the “sseveral free items” are…I can only imagine

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 9, 2010
11:09 pm

#98 Recovering Crack Baby :

I will alert you the moment they arrive. I am not kidding you when I told you all why I bought these. Grandma- the other half’s Mother came to help make Thank You’s as my daughter just turned two a couple weeks ago. Anyhoo- it went like this- Oh hunny let me trace that little hand of yous. ME-well good let’s copy them in the Studio and get it done. HER- It would not be as cute. ME- Trying to hold a 2 yr old’s attention long ehough to scribble and trace her hand.A couple hours later- some…

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 9, 2010
11:14 pm

#99 Recovering Crack Baby :

cont. Valium and Loratb they were done. They absolutely are thrown away by now to all who recieved- I deserved this cheat.

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 10, 2010
1:50 am

#100 PinwheelPeeWee :

It’s the thought that counts, right?

Even if the thought is “I’d better make this quick so I can get back to nailing your sister, and your best friend, and your sister’s best friend, and your mom, and my cousin…” o.O

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 10, 2010
11:13 am

#101 superfran :

When I clicked over and saw they had sold, I immediately came back here to see if it was a joke. And it is. TFFT.

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 10, 2010
1:19 pm

#102 twatsupcock :

#9 Thanks, Skully. You “foiled” my attempt at trying to find the clever words to describe this.

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 16, 2010
9:34 pm

#103 mergatroid :

Damn. I was REEALLY hoping that New Dimensions was this:

http://www.newdimensions.us/

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 17, 2010
1:28 pm

#104 Cori Scores :

you’ve got to be fucking kidding me! I’m inspired. I’m gonna glue an earthworm to a piece of ppaper, and send it to your muther, and if she doesn like it i’ll lower the price, for a small fee.

Rate this comment: 0