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Love is in the Air

Posted by Helen Killer

36 comments

I have so much love for my fellow man this morning. Don’t you? Don’t you just love the whole human race?

Me neither.

But let me tell you what I do have. I have some of the most God forsaken Esty shit bombs masquerading as Valentine’s gifts the world has ever seen. Just big piles of disappointments, all wrapped up in upcycled red ribbon.

All week long, I’ll be featuring Regretsy Valentine Gift Suggestions, sprinkled in with all the usual fuckery you’ve come to grow weary of.

Just look for the turd, and you’ll know you’re in the right place.

Filed in Holidays 36 comments

36 Comments

Add Comment

Feb 8, 2010
9:18 am

#1 laughinglurker :

Holy pooper scooper Batman! Can’t wait for the Saint Valentine excrement to hit the fan!

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 8, 2010
9:19 am

#2 bootsychoo :

Indeed, I DO have love for my fellow man this morning – but that’s probably leftover booze in my system from celebrating my beloved Saints victory last night.

Still, nothing says “I love you” like a carefully selected shit bomb.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 8, 2010
9:22 am

#3 SuperSnark :

Ooooh! an assload of etsy shit bombs for Valentine’s day! Thank You Helen, you just made the Holiday worthwile

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 8, 2010
9:28 am

#4 Patty has been abuducted by an alien :

Dammit, this year the spouse and I decided to blow off Valentine’s Day because its such a bullshit holiday now.

And when I agreed to it with him, I’d forgotten the gold mine of crap from etsy. Dammit! Dammit! DAMMIT!

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 8, 2010
9:29 am

#5 IscreamUscream :

Many of my fellow humans I actually like–but for the rest, I’ll be thinking of you when I view these Valenturds.

We should have a create-a-whimsicle-fuckery-valentine contest.

Rate this comment: +15

Feb 8, 2010
9:31 am

#6 DucksNew :

It’s past noon here but still too early for me to feel “love” for “humanity”.

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 8, 2010
9:33 am

#7 leftfoot :

YAY I need something for my DH to send me! (we always do gag valentine’s gifts since our anniversary is later in the month – the 25th)

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 8, 2010
9:41 am

#8 bootsychoo :

#7 leftfoot: Careful – if it’s from Etsy, the term “gag” gift may never be so literal.

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 8, 2010
9:43 am

#9 easup :

Is it possible to create a facebook gift application of Regretsy gifts? I’d love to send a virtual version of some whimsicle fuckery for St. Valentine’s Day.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 8, 2010
10:14 am

#10 leftfoot :

#8 bootsychoo: hehe I’ve come to expect that

You know.. I’m curious why people are thumbing my previous comment down (#7). Just because we don’t put stock in V-Day? Sorry, but I’m not going to demand my husband “celebrate” a made up holiday in a falsely romantic way. (end rant)

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 8, 2010
10:19 am

#11 leftfoot :

#5 IscreamUscream: I feel another PS contest coming with that suggestion

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 8, 2010
10:35 am

#12 Eruanna :

YESS Bring it ooon!!

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 8, 2010
11:03 am

#13 cratz :

#2 bootsychoo – Wanna go with me to Drew Brees’ house to deliver a valentine?

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 8, 2010
11:08 am

#14 HelenaHandbasket :

Nom-chunky chocolate soft serve!

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 8, 2010
11:14 am

#15 ThisJustMakesMeSad :

Sounds awesome HK, look forward to it! I was just wondering about something though… a while back you posted a thread which polled your readers on whether or not they wanted to see some actual Etsy talent or just crap. May I ask how that turned out? I wouldn’t mind seeing some weird-awesomely-unique creations, but maybe I’m one of a few.

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 8, 2010
11:19 am

#16 buhbyebirdie :

Excellent! Primarily because my fiance already knows what I’m getting for Valentine’s day — now I can only hope it’s not a felted vagina.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 8, 2010
11:20 am

#17 Helen Killer :

@ #15 I got more hate mail and flouncing from that suggestion than I have since I started this thing 4 months ago.

Someone actually wrote and said, “WOW, YOU’RE NOT WHO I THOUGHT YOU WERE!”

Rate this comment: +14

Feb 8, 2010
11:22 am

#18 lyontamer :

#10: It’s probably @danielle172 and all her saggy-vagina friends.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 8, 2010
11:24 am

#19 sudabaki© :

I love holidays Regretsy style. <3

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 8, 2010
11:24 am

#20 lyontamer :

#17. Are you serious? That sucks.

Let’s have #FFF anyway just to spite them.

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 8, 2010
11:27 am

#21 WrathOfFoamy :

It’s too bad you got such sucky feedback on the idea of featuring nice stuff, since I love the idea. I think you’d find truly cool stuff, not all the hipster re-run crap that’s always on Etsy. Plus, all us snarkers would get a chance to show that we aren’t all heartless ass holes, who find something to complain about all the time… just most of the time!!

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 8, 2010
11:29 am

#22 razberries :

yay, i agree to a very whimsicle regretsy vday contest…count me in

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 8, 2010
11:29 am

#23 WrathOfFoamy :

That, or us who make awesome stuff, will just have to be content buying (expensive!) ads and using logos/products as our avatar! Plus the occasional pirated promo… BUY XXXLITTWEAR!!
kidding…
Seriously, buy it! I need money to pay my Etsy fees!! ; )

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 8, 2010
11:39 am

#24 bootsychoo :

#13 cratz – are you kidding? I’d go with you to Drew Brees’ house to deliver a pizza!

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 8, 2010
11:44 am

#25 lemon floor wax :

I might be able to survive the week with the help of these new Secret Shitmirer (TM pending) gifts from Regretsy!

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 8, 2010
11:44 am

#26 cratz :

#24 bootsychoo dat – Come on, let’s run out to Kenner to meet the Saints’ plane. They arrive at 2, I understand. What a scene that’ll be!

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 8, 2010
11:47 am

#27 clitty's got claws :

Can’t wait for the Valentine crapfest! I’ve always detested that holiday anyway!

Off topic…I just signed up for this site, but I’ve been a fan of Regretsy for a while and have been following the site for quite a while now. I absolutely love it! I love how it shows the absolute crap that us real artists and crafters have to put up with.

Love you Helen Killer!

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 8, 2010
11:48 am

#28 IscreamUscream :

“Someone actually wrote…”

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2748/4340914815_a692b2a0d0_o.gif

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 8, 2010
11:57 am

#29 WrathOfFoamy :

#28 IscreamUscream
Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!!!!
That’s the funniest shit!
There’s nothing like a good Regretsy style photoshop!

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 8, 2010
12:00 pm

#30 voxwoman :

#29 – The eye embiggening is nightmare-inducingly awesome!

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 8, 2010
12:08 pm

#31 ThisJustMakesMeSad :

@ 17 HK – Wow, that’s kinda horrible and funny all rolled into one. True Regretsy style!

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 8, 2010
12:08 pm

#32 Flamingo :

Can’t wait. )

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 8, 2010
12:47 pm

#33 fifi-leCroc :

Valenturds….that’s funny!

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 8, 2010
1:46 pm

#34 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

Valentines sucks and its designed for smug couples

hate them all

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 8, 2010
2:05 pm

#35 henmen :

Love is on the ground! I can smell for miles and miles…

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 8, 2010
2:20 pm

#36 Moons in Leo :

Legend has it that St. Valentine sent letters of hope and love to Christians imprisoned for their faith. February 14th ‘celebrates’ the day he was martyred.

If that’s not a good enough reason to celebrate with some whimsicle fuckery, I don’t know what is.

Rate this comment: +5