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Be Smine

Posted by Helen Killer

109 comments

Filed in Needlework 109 comments

109 Comments

Add Comment

Feb 8, 2010
4:33 pm

#1 MajorDanger :

Hee! I laughed so hard I broke my wind!

Rate this comment: +50

Feb 8, 2010
4:36 pm

#2 steviesegel :

I love you so much it leaks my heart?
SAY WHAT?

Rate this comment: +31

Feb 8, 2010
4:36 pm

#3 Skully :

I love you so much it leaks my shart?

Rate this comment: +65

Feb 8, 2010
4:37 pm

#4 libertyangel :

I’m crying over the antique embroidery that was ruined. In whose eyes is this atrocity an IMPROVEMENT?

Rate this comment: +59

Feb 8, 2010
4:39 pm

#5 WrathOfFoamy :

At least it’s hand embroidered. That would take forever! Well, this is coming from someone who has only embroidered a couple things quite crookedly… Still, if you aren’t very good, why try your hand at something as difficult as lettering?

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 8, 2010
4:40 pm

#6 libertyangel :

HOLY SHIT I just noticed the $225 price tag on this special piece of fuckery… wow someone’s proud of their hand made crap

Rate this comment: +50

Feb 8, 2010
4:40 pm

#7 steviesegel :

or possibly:

(AIDS awareness ribbon)
love you so
mulch it beaks
my neart?

Rate this comment: +15

Feb 8, 2010
4:44 pm

#8 libertyangel :

well she’s not horrible:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=22142716

that’s actually pretty good. I’m baffled about the writing though. It’s endless suck.

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 8, 2010
4:45 pm

#9 Texchanchan :

What’s worst – spacing, handwriting, sentiment, complete ruin of a pretty fair old doily? Looks like a 13-year-old’s project.

According to her shop description she’s got stuff in museums all over the place. So much for curators.

Who are the people who spend this much on crap like this?

Rate this comment: +18

Feb 8, 2010
4:46 pm

#10 pantsmonkey :

I love this because it sort of fails on every level.

1. Sloppy work reads as funny typo.
2. Poor planning leads to smushed letters at the end of lines.
3. Even the intended sentiment is kind of fucked up.
4. Destruction of a valuable antique.
5. Insane price.

All this piece is missing is a glittered turd.

(That said, it probably looks better than what it would look like if I’d done it. Then again, I’m not selling hand embroidered stuff on Etsy for a reason.)

Rate this comment: +100

Feb 8, 2010
4:46 pm

#11 Patty has been abuducted by an alien :

Wow, “re-appropriated”… that’s a new one on me.

So, I can take all those old stained sheets from when my kids were wee toddlers (get it? “wee”) and embroider crap on scraps of it and sell it for $225?

Awesome. I’ll pay for their college yet!

Rate this comment: +18

Feb 8, 2010
4:47 pm

#12 ThisJustMakesMeSad :

Ya, that’s what I want for Valentines Day. A stalker.

Rate this comment: +34

Feb 8, 2010
4:47 pm

#13 Thistle :

i lone you so much it broke my newt?

Rate this comment: +18

Feb 8, 2010
4:51 pm

#14 whitmansspider :

Man, that’s some ugly letter formation. And she doesn’t just “re-appropriate” the letter l to serve as a b, she also uses it for a capital I.

Rate this comment: +14

Feb 8, 2010
4:55 pm

#15 littykidder :

I’ve seen an exhibit of her stuff before ,and many of the figurative pieces are interesting. But the wordy linens are overpriced self important pretentious embroidered twaddle .

Rate this comment: +25

Feb 8, 2010
4:56 pm

#16 Texchanchan :

I took another look at her stuff and it appears she’s doing the embroidery with a sewing machine. That could explain some of the malformed letters, but it doesn’t explain running out of space, making v’s for u’s, and the rest of it.

Note she does not say “hand-embroidered.” That would take 20 times as long (and look better).

Rate this comment: +17

Feb 8, 2010
4:58 pm

#17 razberries :

agree w/ pantsmonkey on this one…this is one step up from “upcycling” a vintage quilt into a dress.

okay, not a big deal but super confused as to where her stuff is actually displayed- there is a peabody essex museum in salem, ma (i have been to it- it’s not far from my apt.) & then there is a peabody historical society and museum in peabody, ma. i dunno where the one in salem is that she is mentioning? i ask this only b/c i may need to go visit in person & see what items are on…

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 8, 2010
4:59 pm

#18 blondeweezie :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=34156992

“Flamed”? Yeah, that belongs in a museum.

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 8, 2010
4:59 pm

#19 razberries :

cont’d – display! LOL…good god. Atrocious prices, too

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 8, 2010
5:01 pm

#20 libertyangel :

she does say it’s had embroidered. First line. But does she mean the original piece or the crap she added. And I don’t care if she is exhibited in a museum. With the right placement pretty much anyone could.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Kid_Could_Paint_That

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 8, 2010
5:01 pm

#21 fluffysue :

It breaks my heart what she did to this re-appropriated linen.

Rate this comment: +17

Feb 8, 2010
5:06 pm

#22 Jea :

Holy Jizz!
$225
You can get electronics for that much.

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 8, 2010
5:06 pm

#23 AnnRan :

Well, on the plus side, it does come with pearlized pins.

The text is stitched so thickly, it’s puckering the re-appropriated linen. You really don’t need to use a full-thickness skein of embroidery thread! It lreaks my iheout.

Rate this comment: +27

Feb 8, 2010
5:10 pm

#24 blondeweezie :

“Hoop optional”. If you didn’t think it could be worse…
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=17751771

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 8, 2010
5:14 pm

#25 libertyangel :

For that price I wonder if she’d come over to my house and install it so that I can appreciate it properly.

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 8, 2010
5:15 pm

#26 AnnRan :

Really? You WANT that as the first thing people see on your web site?
http://www.joettamaue.com

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 8, 2010
5:32 pm

#27 snarkymcbitterson :

really?
‘Cause I hate this so much it makes me fart.

Rate this comment: +22

Feb 8, 2010
5:34 pm

#28 batontwirler1 :

I am amazed at how many items she’s sold. I gave up embroidery when I was a child since I didn’t want to take the time to do it right. Guess I should have saved all of that – be rich now!

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 8, 2010
5:36 pm

#29 Monstrosa :

Mmmm. Stained linen. How romantic.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=39811265

Rate this comment: +15

Feb 8, 2010
5:36 pm

#30 Sculptor69 :

Hwark. I just threw up in my mouth a little. She should partner with the chick what ripped up the antique quilt and make some extra “Special” dresses with appliques….

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 8, 2010
5:38 pm

#31 NinjaGato :

You’re supposed to hang the thing with straight pins?
They’re not going to stay in your wall.

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 8, 2010
5:39 pm

#32 sudabaki© :

Raz, you have to go see her stuff in person and let us know. Maybe it just doesn’t photograph well….yeah right.

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 8, 2010
5:40 pm

#33 redredred :

Stains really shouldn’t add to the concept of the work.

Flaws sometimes can give a piece character, but not this time.

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 8, 2010
5:43 pm

#34 Eruanna :

You know what? At first I looked at it and thought “Well, this isnt very well done, but whatever”…because Im really not big on making fun of people just because their skill level isnt up to “par” yet.

But then I saw the price.

Seriously?? I cannot even imagine the arrogance that goes into pricing something like this that high. “Gee, I can put words on fabric….I should get…. 225$!!”
Okay, really…crappy artwork is a nessisity, because if nobody ever did crappy artwork,…

Rate this comment: +17

Feb 8, 2010
5:43 pm

#35 Wilma Fingerdoo :

Maybe Kiki Dee can buy this fugly thing for
Elton John for VD.

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 8, 2010
5:44 pm

#36 Eruanna :

<< Nobody would ever become good and do NOT crappy artwork.

BUT DONT SELL IT YET, GOSH

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 8, 2010
5:45 pm

#37 BettyMachete :

I could get a hot pool boy for $225. And without buying a Stanky Hankie.

Rate this comment: +30

Feb 8, 2010
5:46 pm

#38 WhimsicalLolita :

I didn’t know museum was another word for half bath off the garage that nobody uses. excuse me while I go visit the museum i didn’t know i had downstairs

Rate this comment: +20

Feb 8, 2010
5:49 pm

#39 Wilma Fingerdoo :

Betty,
“Stanky Hankie” is hilarious!

Yes, and for $225 your hot pool boy wouldn’t even be an inflatable.

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 8, 2010
5:49 pm

#40 IscreamUscream :

taking the upcycling further:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2722/4342462820_416e42de25_o.jpg

Rate this comment: +19

Feb 8, 2010
5:56 pm

#41 littykidder :

# 40 Iscream
oH HOW VILE , NOW IT REALLY LOOKS STAINED.

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 8, 2010
5:56 pm

#42 kittyofassisi :

Holy fuck! I’m pulling out the embroydery thread! Nice pealized pins too!

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 8, 2010
5:56 pm

#43 snarkymcbitterson :

Does it come with a black light?

Rate this comment: +16

Feb 8, 2010
5:57 pm

#44 kittyofassisi :

I wonder if someone used it as a handerchief?

I love you so much is leaks my snot.

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 8, 2010
5:59 pm

#45 BettyMachete :

Ah, Wilma. Until I find true love, I will scour Etsy for the right love poems. And keep my inflatable men close by.

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 8, 2010
6:00 pm

#46 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

TWO HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS??????????????????????

Rate this comment: +22

Feb 8, 2010
6:00 pm

#47 kittyofassisi :

OMG! #29 that one looks like she pricked her finger while embroyering and she left the blood stains on it.

This one really takes the cake folks! Not only is it not even good but I wouldn’t sell the linens alone at a garage sale just because they are filthy! Where did they find this stuff at the Good Will bin store?

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 8, 2010
6:02 pm

#48 mtopia :

Apparently she was sick on the day in grade three when her class learned how to write in cursive. She has learned through imitation, and unfortunately Etsy was her teacher.

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 8, 2010
6:03 pm

#49 kittyofassisi :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=39811553

try again… there’s not enough snot on this old hanky.

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 8, 2010
6:04 pm

#50 mtopia :

Practice what you preach:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=39811553

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 8, 2010
6:07 pm

#51 whyohwhy :

it breaks my heart knowing you want $225.00

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 8, 2010
6:10 pm

#52 Helen Killer :

I’m really sorry, but I do NOT get this woman’s work at all. I guess I’m not as excited as she is about “pearlized pins”.

Rate this comment: +33

Feb 8, 2010
6:15 pm

#53 whimsicalisthenics :

As an embroiderer myself, I can’t decide what’s more depressing: That at $225, she’s likely making about $25-$50 an hour, or the fact the the woman who did the original embroidery years ago probably worked it over a month of winter evenings and the reappropriator could easily have picked it up for $10 in a antiques mall.

Rate this comment: +25

Feb 8, 2010
6:15 pm

#54 whyohwhy :

i could make a plastic laminated pin of this very image for only $2.25… anyone want a valentine?

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 8, 2010
6:16 pm

#55 IscreamUscream :

What this room needs is a little warmth:

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4065/4341811477_24be496266_o.jpg

Now mom–get back to work and fill those orders!

Rate this comment: +20

Feb 8, 2010
6:19 pm

#56 spiritwunion :

l love yov so murh l vvill rvin someones emloidery amd chargl a tom of momey for lt.

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 8, 2010
6:21 pm

#57 Redshirt Knitting :

When I saw the picture, I got a little dizzy, because I thought it was a Cake Wreck.

Cake “decorators” do shit like this all the time. But that’s just icing. How deluded do you have to be, to put so much effort into executing such poor penmanship? And tack on a $225 price tag?

Rate this comment: +17

Feb 8, 2010
6:21 pm

#58 littykidder :

#53Iscream : It almost looks clean in THAT room!

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 8, 2010
6:24 pm

#59 Recovering Crack Baby :

#50 ANN- I don’t either. I value all of my old linen’s, so I don’t get why she ruins them? Even with discoloration I would hope never to have someone ruin them.

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 8, 2010
6:26 pm

#60 Recovering Crack Baby :

#53- that was grand and that fucking cat.LOL

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 8, 2010
6:34 pm

#61 Eruanna :

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v315/EruannaTelperion/lovestains.jpg

Rate this comment: +15

Feb 8, 2010
6:36 pm

#62 Eruanna :

Also: Biggest pet peeve ever is when a seller talks about themselves in the third person in their bio. Yuck.

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 8, 2010
6:37 pm

#63 littykidder :

#59Eruanna
Oh yeah , that is one nice assemblage of funk.

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 8, 2010
6:40 pm

#64 littykidder :

# 59 eruanna,
cont:
That collage must be almost $500.00 ‘worth’ of stained crap!

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 8, 2010
6:43 pm

#65 WhimsicalLolita :

The only things i’ve ever reappropriated from my grandmother are an assload of vintage mason jars that we turned into sewing kits with pincushion lids. i inherited a ton of linens that will stay in their hope chest discoloring away and will never ever be appropriated for low rent embroidery. and i will fight a bitch that trys to turn her quilts into dresses

Rate this comment: +15

Feb 8, 2010
7:01 pm

#66 nettlej :

This is the worst kind of shit – you can pick up nice old linens at yard sales or ebay by the stack. Look at these: http://cgi.ebay.com/2-Vintage-Doilies-Great-Condition-embroidered-flowers_W0QQitemZ250573861026QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item3a575db0a2
It ain’t skill or materials – the only explanation is that this artiste thinks that her words enhance the value of this by 100 times. I would rather wear a be-dazzled puff-paint tshirt dress than look at this.

Rate this comment: +19

Feb 8, 2010
7:23 pm

#67 HomeAlone :

Heartbreaking on so many levels…

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 8, 2010
7:36 pm

#68 madamedefarge :

Only Etsy could make stains the new black.

Rate this comment: +17

Feb 8, 2010
7:39 pm

#69 HelenaHandbasket :

I totally understand the added value of the pearlized pins. They’d be great for scrambling my retinas if I owned this work.

Rate this comment: +19

Feb 8, 2010
7:59 pm

#70 madamedefarge :

This is a must-have for the plumber in your life.

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 8, 2010
8:36 pm

#71 leftfoot :

I couldn’t resist making my valentine’s for regretsyfolk.

http://i47.tinypic.com/146zvm.jpg

Rate this comment: +36

Feb 8, 2010
9:02 pm

#72 Catish :

Unless I get a view of the back I refuse to believe that’s hand embroidered. Sneaky feel its made with a sewing machine… after all, some people call that hand made as well…

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 8, 2010
9:25 pm

#73 rocza :

Aaw, @leftfoot: that’s adorable!

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 8, 2010
9:32 pm

#74 vergeofsomething :

Awwwwwwwwww @leftfoot! Love it!

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 8, 2010
9:32 pm

#75 Recovering Crack Baby :

#69- The best and as luck would have it you hit that on number 69.
I have to admit I would like another ear to hang onto with a snout like that.

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 8, 2010
9:32 pm

#76 vergeofsomething :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -5

Feb 8, 2010
10:04 pm

#77 Lola :

L love yov so smuch!

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 8, 2010
10:10 pm

#78 leftfoot :

rocza & vergeofsomething: Thank you! It randomly popped into my head when I was doing dishes so I had to make it

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 9, 2010
2:15 am

#79 methuselah :

That’s just ghastly. Not just the way it looks but what it says, which is just pathetic. Very stalker-y.

If someone gave me this I would be smile and be nice till I got away from them, and then I would call the cops.

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 9, 2010
2:52 am

#80 starrydreams :

Nothing says love like a dirty doilie…

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 9, 2010
3:52 am

#81 StinkBait :

Oh ladies, come on. I know you have better knowledge of the value of fine and rare linens.

The reason for the high price tag is because the fabric is “upcycled” casket liner.

Vintage casket liners are like diamonds when it comes to the reason for it’s high value. Yo gotta dig to get it.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 9, 2010
3:54 am

#82 evacooper :

i am making a soft baby book for my baby about numbers. it’s the first time i am hand-embroidering letters, they don’t look that good, i think i’ll call it vintage and sell it for $200!

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 9, 2010
4:59 am

#83 clevercat :

Betty – Ummm Could I please use the pool boy when you are finished with him. My pool could use a good cleaning. It have been geeting a lot of air lately what with the skants.

Leftfoot. That elephant card is the best!

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 9, 2010
5:08 am

#84 voxwoman :

What really sickens me is, from looking at her web page, she is going to be in a JURIED SHOW:

FiberArt International, Pittsburgh Center for the Arts, juried exhibition, April 16-August 22, 2010.

What. The. Fuck.

Pennsylvania should be ashamed of itself. The only reason this person hasn’t been beaten about the head with embroidery hoops is that the Mennonites and Amish don’t believe in violence and they also don’t believe in the Internet.

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 9, 2010
5:11 am

#85 voxwoman :

I have a large stack of hand-embroidered linens that my grandmother made. I can’t fathom using them as a canvas for my mediocre art and my tyro embroidery skills.

However, I’m sure there’s a lot of this stuff available at garage sales and consignment/antique stores for pennies these days.

I wouldn’t even do this to my father’s old handkerchiefs…

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 9, 2010
5:43 am

#86 Japanda :

SAY WHAT?

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 9, 2010
6:33 am

#87 moi :

Wow…it comes with pearlized pins? Awesome! These are different than the hundreds of ‘pearlized’ pins that I have in my sewing room, right?
I applaud the braveness to suggest to hang this lovely work with pins. Its so brave, & unexpected. Most people would have gone the easy route & said to frame it or something silly like that. Old&tired.
But not you-you took the fresh, bold, new approach of going for a modern twist on hanging. Pearlized pins. Bloody brilliant. I commend you.

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 9, 2010
7:14 am

#88 Treed :

#4 @ LibertyAngel – I’m crying right along with you. I love vintage linens. I don’t understand this new push to cut them up, sew them up, an basically destroy them.

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 9, 2010
7:50 am

#89 SloGin :

leftfoot I would so buy that.

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 9, 2010
8:02 am

#90 Skully :

I thought of you fellow Regretsies this morning, $.99 Store ad listed good ideas for Valentine’s Day presents (fake roses, g strings, candy) and bad ideas (douches, condoms, fungus treatment).

Rate this comment: +14

Feb 9, 2010
8:06 am

#91 Kimmer-G :

Aww Skully…will you be my Valenturd? lol

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 9, 2010
8:16 am

#92 twatsupcock :

It hurts to see such a pretty piece of vintage linen be so defiled! Oh, the horror. . .

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 9, 2010
8:28 am

#93 madamedefarge :

Could we view this on a magnet?

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 9, 2010
8:32 am

#94 Skully :

View as a shield:

http://twitpic.com/128omw

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 9, 2010
8:41 am

#95 Skully :

@#87 KG: Sorry, I don’t want to piss off Mrs. Skully, besides, I would only lreak your sheart.

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 9, 2010
8:48 am

#96 losemymouth :

Found this on her blog:
http://littleyellowbirds.blogspot.com/2010/02/stain.html
You think after that she would have a clue.

Rate this comment: -1

Feb 9, 2010
9:26 am

#97 voxwoman :

Um… she teaches embroidery?!

http://littleyellowbirds.blogspot.com/2009/12/embroidery-workshops-galore.html

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 9, 2010
9:26 am

#98 SuperSnark :

I breaks my heart you were such a dumb-ass to buy this total piece of valentine crap for me, I would have LOVED the 225.00 instead you dim witted dip shit of a boyfriend!

Love ya Honey! Snookins XO

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 9, 2010
9:52 am

#99 leftfoot :

#89 SloGin : You’re more than welcome to save the image and print it out

Rate this comment: -2

Feb 9, 2010
10:21 am

#100 Flamingo :

I am crying for that piece of handstitched linen she destroyed. Also at $225 I want some of whatever she is smoking, holy shit!

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 9, 2010
11:03 am

#101 StinkBait :

I just looked at her website and by looking at her photography I don’t think she ever leaves the house.

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 9, 2010
11:59 am

#102 Texchanchan :

#20 libertyangel

You’re right. Don’t know how I overlooked that. It does say “hand embroidered.”

But it (and most of the rest of the items) sure looks machine-embroidered with a sewing machine, guided by hand (not an embroidery machine).

She teaches “photo embroidery” (2 hours for $160), which explains why those pictures done in thread are so much better than the crappy freehand stuff.

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 9, 2010
12:01 pm

#103 IscreamUscream :

@ voxwoman embroidery for the blind, perhaps? Ok, then.
Check out what she showcases on her site:
http://www.joettamaue.com/

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 9, 2010
12:08 pm

#104 Texchanchan :

OK, this isn’t about Joetta directly but it’s on one of her blogs:

“Louise finds discarded mattresses and turn them into gorgeous, detailed, often life size embroidered portraits.”

Nothing I can say could add to the groatiness of “finds discarded mattresses” so I will stop here.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 9, 2010
12:09 pm

#105 IscreamUscream :

@stinkbait–I saw her photos too, and now I regret thinking she had alzheimer’s or something. Obviously young enough to know better/try harder–so this suckage has no excuse.

Rate this comment: -1

Feb 9, 2010
1:37 pm

#106 Lyphe :

View as a shield II:

http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=nvp8o5&s=6

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 9, 2010
4:52 pm

#107 fame4crap :

It breaks my heart what she has done to this lovely piece of vintage work. She apparently used the same price guide as Rosie. The pins are a riot, just can’t believe that someone would find them that important.

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 9, 2010
4:57 pm

#108 fame4crap :

OH slap my face…I am blushing…

Just checked out her shop, she has sold 23 things, and all her prices are very high, I just don’t get it. Must be the embroidery hoop or pins. GeeZ!!

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 10, 2010
4:39 pm

#109 aroseisarose :

Is this some sort of Twilight thing?!?

Rate this comment: +1