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Nice Work, Sherlock

Posted by Helen Killer

97 comments

That’s a good guess!

I wonder if there are any clues that can help us solve this mystery. Hmmm.

What about this?

I guess we’ll never know.

Filed in Derp, Dolls 97 comments

97 Comments

Add Comment

Feb 5, 2010
1:33 pm

#1 Dynomoose :

*snort*

Rate this comment: +35

Feb 5, 2010
1:33 pm

#2 Karen Miller :

WTF? Seriously???

Rate this comment: +22

Feb 5, 2010
1:33 pm

#3 Monstrosa :

Silly Etsy seller, cows don’t purr.

Rate this comment: +65

Feb 5, 2010
1:35 pm

#4 aorta :

fucking hilarious!

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 5, 2010
1:35 pm

#5 VikingKvinna :

I vote that this one be filed under Garbage too. A broken, cracked half-LP?

Rate this comment: +49

Feb 5, 2010
1:35 pm

#6 SarcasmQueen :

What am I even looking at?

Rate this comment: +89

Feb 5, 2010
1:36 pm

#7 greenfuzz :

One of the worst songs ever..worthy of the Mike Douglas show only. And it’s a ‘45 youngsters, or a 7 inch, not an LP.

Rate this comment: +20

Feb 5, 2010
1:37 pm

#8 Monstrosa :

See, the thing about things made from other things is, they need to look like the things. Not like a pile of broken crap in an alley behind a thrift store dumpster.

Rate this comment: +59

Feb 5, 2010
1:37 pm

#9 Bridget :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=38956152

THIS IS FROM 2000 AND IT’S DIRTY!

The very definition of “Not Vinitage.” Reported that nassssty item!

Rate this comment: +27

Feb 5, 2010
1:39 pm

#10 Karmacrochet :

Geez! This is “the voodoo doll that wanted to be a cat”

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 5, 2010
1:39 pm

#11 tarabu :

Am I supposed to understand what this mixed media piece is/does? ’cause I don’t get it, at all.

If this sells, I’m going to start unlocking the hot glue gun on tequila tuesday.

Rate this comment: +45

Feb 5, 2010
1:43 pm

#12 blondeweezie :

So- is it a cow, or is it a cat?

Rate this comment: +17

Feb 5, 2010
1:45 pm

#13 Patty has been abuducted by an alien :

Oooh, the 60s, circa 1977…

My first car was a 1975 El Camino, circa 1985.

What?

Rate this comment: +50

Feb 5, 2010
1:46 pm

#14 captaincavegirl :

Jeez! Give the crafter a break! Reading must be really hard for a person who’s mentally deficient enough to think that pile of trash is a “cat.”

Rate this comment: +35

Feb 5, 2010
1:46 pm

#15 bootsychoo :

crazy cat = mad cow

Rate this comment: +33

Feb 5, 2010
1:47 pm

#16 Memory :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -37

Feb 5, 2010
1:47 pm

#17 Captain Pasty :

My eyes are confused… What exactly am I looking at?

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 5, 2010
1:47 pm

#18 whyohwhy :

100% garbage even if it was “vintage”

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 5, 2010
1:48 pm

#19 blondeweezie :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=38182705

How nice. I’ve always wanted a f*cking rabbits box.

Rate this comment: +21

Feb 5, 2010
1:50 pm

#20 dustbunny :

OK, I’m finally convinced frat boys have dumped stupid things on Etsy to be on Regretsy. Winners get free booze.

Rate this comment: +16

Feb 5, 2010
1:50 pm

#21 fluffysue :

So the mystery of “when” is solved, but not the mystery of “what”.

Rate this comment: +35

Feb 5, 2010
1:54 pm

#22 littykidder :

udder drek

Rate this comment: +16

Feb 5, 2010
1:55 pm

#23 Ladybug :

Well when I clean out the last box after a move I usually find random, broken things. Next time I’ll just glue them altogether and sell my creation on etsy.

Rate this comment: +19

Feb 5, 2010
1:55 pm

#24 BettyMachete :

That is one fucked up creature.
On a side note, I received a reply from Max the nude ice skater “artist”/ creep– I had requested he sketch my basketball team in the nude:kinda funny–

Betty,

Thank you for your interest in my work. If you send me the pictures I’ll give it my best shot and post the drawings on my site. The price will vary depending on the level of complexity of the drawing, but will likely be in the $15-25 range for a 8.5 by 11 inch drawing. I wasn’t sure, though,…

Rate this comment: +30

Feb 5, 2010
1:58 pm

#25 gaycatpride :

Proof positive there have been people with horrible taste and glue guns since ‘77.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 5, 2010
2:01 pm

#26 MajorDanger :

Two words:

Tweak project.

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 5, 2010
2:05 pm

#27 Lola :

I want to take that retarded-looking cow thing and beat this seller over the head with it. Jeez.

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 5, 2010
2:09 pm

#28 superfran :

What… IS that?!

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 5, 2010
2:10 pm

#29 rip and snort :

That’s a dog.

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 5, 2010
2:11 pm

#30 Wilma Fingerdoo :

LP reminds me, oddly, of The Crow.

*She is looking for some new digs*
She will surely get them on Regretsy.

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 5, 2010
2:12 pm

#31 Efit :

What the fuck is this dog-cow thing? It’s both scary and adorable all at once. I feel sorry for it the way I feel sorry for Rocky Dennis.

Filed in: Spelling Issues (why put an apostrophe in “dons”? WHY? I mean, WHY’s?)

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 5, 2010
2:13 pm

#32 Efit :

Oh one more thing. Filed in: Garbage

Just…..toss it.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 5, 2010
2:14 pm

#33 starrydreams :

Make it go away!!!!!

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 5, 2010
2:15 pm

#34 Chrisnyc1213 :

The dangers of working with a glue gun without adequate ventilation.

Rate this comment: +16

Feb 5, 2010
2:25 pm

#35 Rowan :

Ok-busted ceramic cow head, old curtain, busted record. How do I make this into a bong? F**k it-lets sell it on Etsy. Then we can just buy a bong.

Rate this comment: +34

Feb 5, 2010
2:27 pm

#36 clevercat :

#23 BettyMachete LOL at the price depending on the level of complexity but still the top price is $25.!
Maybe the final drawing will look like a couple of skaters without feet, a spread eagle lady and one with her hands in her hair pasted on a b-ball court.

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 5, 2010
2:30 pm

#37 Thousandaire :

I fucking love that “Derp” is now a category.

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 5, 2010
2:30 pm

#38 Moons in Leo :

Note to Seller: Try not to create whilst on an acid trip. Then you won’t have to ask your potential buyers to tell you what you should say about the crap you’re selling.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 5, 2010
2:47 pm

#39 leftfoot :

what in the hell is going on in the picture? I have no idea what I’d be getting? A broken 45 and dirty linen?

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 5, 2010
2:55 pm

#40 WhimsicalLolita :

This sellers shop just makes me angry. especially that steiff boar that she probably paid a few bucks for at goodwill. steiff is actually quite pricey but sixty something dollars is about double boutique retail. thrifting does not equal vintage, and this is where etsy should be juried. that creepy bunny box aint vintage. its 1980’s harriet carter clearance. i’m an avid collector of vintage and i like to think i have a good eye for amateur appraisal.

Rate this comment: +18

Feb 5, 2010
2:56 pm

#41 MinnePurl :

You know what would make this better? If someone spent a painstaking hour cutting little squares out of it with an exacto knife and placing them in a little baggie.

Or two minutes with a blowtorch.

Either one.

Rate this comment: +36

Feb 5, 2010
3:01 pm

#42 Patty has been abuducted by an alien :

Correct me if I’m wrong- because I looked up the definition of “vintage” online the other day because I was going to say: “just because something’s old, doesn’t make it vintage”- apparently it does.

But, when you take something old and destroy it, rendering it useless for its original function… doesn’t that make it no longer vintage? As in that record… its not “vintage”, its “trash”.

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 5, 2010
3:02 pm

#43 lyontamer :

The second picture in this listing makes me think impure thoughts.

….Oh, wait. That’s the *top* view.

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 5, 2010
3:03 pm

#44 MFP :

Is Etsy just eBay for old junk now? Sad.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 5, 2010
3:04 pm

#45 Skully :

Just read the lyrics to Undercover Angel, it’s either about a wet dream or a horny ghost. WTF? I really don’t want to know how that relates to a zebra cow in a dirty doily.

Rate this comment: +32

Feb 5, 2010
3:09 pm

#46 WhimsicalLolita :

@skully zebra cow in a dirty doily?! i just choked on my lunch from laughing!

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 5, 2010
3:10 pm

#47 badcrafter :

This one wins the creepy/scary/ugly trifecta.

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 5, 2010
3:27 pm

#48 joan of snark :

I don’t know about you, but if *I* were to fashion a stuffed feline from jagged edged, 1977-era vinyl and garbage, “Cat Scratch Fever” would be my album of choice.

Rate this comment: +17

Feb 5, 2010
3:39 pm

#49 razberries :

skully, that is exactly what i thought…it looked like a zebra!
@ memory- if you haven’t noticed already, the reason you keep getting “thumbs-downed” is b/c you are posting your own personal site links. which are irrelevant to the level of snarkary around here…
fyi, people can easily click on your name and your etsy site will come up for them. just thought i’d give you some helpful advice!

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 5, 2010
3:42 pm

#50 crazycatlady :

Please tell this bitch to stop using my name in vain.

Rate this comment: +18

Feb 5, 2010
3:49 pm

#51 razberries :

ps- like the new “derp” category!

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 5, 2010
3:57 pm

#52 HelenaHandbasket :

Okay, I realize I’m late to start drinking this Friday evening, but it took me several minutes to get perspective of the item. I was thrown by the fact that I AM quite familiar with vinyl recordings, and the size of a 45, so I’m figuring the head of this creation must be slightly LARGER THAN A GRAIN OF RICE?!?!

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 5, 2010
4:18 pm

#53 IscreamUscream :

This looks half-finished to me–smack that a few more times with that hammer. I know we’ll all feel a lot better.

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 5, 2010
4:20 pm

#54 SuperSnark :

This person obivously has purchased the fairy poachers necklace and ingested the contents!

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 5, 2010
4:27 pm

#55 BettyMachete :

‘She don’s! She don’s !’ (to the tune of She Bangs)

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 5, 2010
4:30 pm

#56 Thistle :

it looks like a voodoo idol i saw in a museum. i’d rather thick pins in the maker, however

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 5, 2010
4:41 pm

#57 crapgawker :

I was cracking up at Helen’s sleuthing. But when I checked the shop out it just pissed me off.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=38956152

This idiot desperately needs a math tutor. She’s got this listed as vintage and the year 2000 in the tags. The vintage Steiff snowman isn’t vintage either. Go back to eBay.

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 5, 2010
4:59 pm

#58 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

what the fuck is this?

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 5, 2010
5:16 pm

#59 frootloop :

im still tryin 2 figure out whether thats a cat, a cow, or a zebra….. maybe its a whimsicle cawbra…. or maybe its just someones old crap

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 5, 2010
5:19 pm

#60 Recovering Crack Baby :

There NEEDS to be a hotline for abuse of useable good shit. We have a child abuse and a dependant adult abuse hotline.
WHO will save the 45’s???

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 5, 2010
5:51 pm

#61 Recovering Crack Baby :

Stand back I may understand what she was trying to do. OK- she calls this a cat. The 45 is shredded and is suppose to look like a cat shredded it. That’s all I got.

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 5, 2010
7:05 pm

#62 Lola :

She has two German silver (an alloy containing no silver) bags for sale, nearly identical. One she claims is about 100 years old and the other she dates to the 1930s. Granted, the first one is tagged “75-100 years”, but I doubt http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=38179372 / http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=38230781

Also this one looks like a trilobite: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=39524904 A *vintage* trilobite.

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 5, 2010
7:06 pm

#63 Lola :

*But I doubt she has any idea what the fuck she’s talking about. Probably has a dart board of decades to decided when something was made if it doesn’t have a huge red 2000 on it.

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 5, 2010
7:13 pm

#64 janncri :

For the love of god – it took several minutes before I even realized this was a front and back view of the same item. Don’t these sellers know they’re “using up the internet” with this useless ugly shit?

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 5, 2010
7:20 pm

#65 NedTheDeadInRed :

OK, I have to confess that I actually used to own this 45. In my defense, I was 11 years old, and it was obvious it was about a guy getting laid in the disco era (how’s that for the ultimate no-strings-attached, sex with an angel who leaves right after?) so to an 11 year old, it was the coolest.

In retrospect, this may have actually been the best possible use for this song.

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 5, 2010
7:23 pm

#66 Ravyncrow :

@40 – actually, the 1980’s harriet carter clearance rabbit box (which I like, btw, although I wouldn’t pay $15 AND that much shipping for it [unless it were an otter]) IS vintage a’la Etsy. They have this weird idea that anything over 20 years old is “vintage”, which I think is ridiculous. 40 years maybe. Hell most things I own are at least 20 years old! LOL I could sell it all as vintage! And it’s not even dirty.

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 5, 2010
7:36 pm

#67 IscreamUscream :

“….anything over 20 years old is “vintage”, which I think is ridiculous. 40 years maybe.”

@Ravyncrow, no doubt.
vintage wine: 50 years (at least)
vintage car: early 70s-earlier
vintage glass: I’d say art deco/nouveau period (aka Tiffany)
vintage guitar: gotta be 60s or earlier
vintage furniture: at least art deco/moderne period
you get the idea…:lol:

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 5, 2010
7:37 pm

#68 pervocracy :

I hate it when “upcycling” means ruining vintage items to produce brand new crap. In this case it was probably no big loss, but with the looks of that… object… the record couldn’t have been bad enough to deserve THAT.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 5, 2010
7:42 pm

#69 SuperSnark :

“undercover angel midnight fantasy i’d neverh ahd a dream that made sweet love to me”

Seroiusly, those are the lyrics to the songs hook!
Long Live the Seventies! or the Sixies in the case of this “seller”

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 5, 2010
7:43 pm

#70 SuperSnark :

Damn, gotta quit drinking and sitting on my ass on Fridays lookin at regresty and get a sober life!

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 5, 2010
8:31 pm

If 20 years is vintage then I’m ancient. Damn.

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 5, 2010
9:17 pm

#72 snarkeygirl :

I loved that song, and would have loved to have it on a non-broken 45! Too bad, so sad….

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 5, 2010
9:30 pm

#73 uh huh :

i want to know who did the detective work to uncover the ‘fact’ that this is a cat.

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 5, 2010
9:33 pm

#74 snarkeygirl :

Okay, I clicked on the seller’s page, and actually took a LOOK at this “Thing”. Tail, hippo-head-with-broken-ears, the record shards, and the doily. Still haven’t got a clue, but I do know this. I hate it!

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 5, 2010
9:54 pm

#75 whaapplewha :

what’s “derp?”

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 5, 2010
10:05 pm

#76 whaapplewha :

nevermind good people of regretsy, I googled it. Man… I ain’t here to work.

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 5, 2010
10:06 pm

#77 whaapplewha :

as for this thing, it’s just crap layer on top of crap.

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 5, 2010
10:06 pm

#78 whaapplewha :

layerD. Jesus.

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 5, 2010
10:07 pm

#79 whaapplewha :

motherfucker… layerED

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 5, 2010
10:30 pm

#80 turnaround :

Just because shit was glued together by some lady off her meds 30 years ago, it don’t mean it’s vintage. It means it’s shit glued together.

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 5, 2010
11:21 pm

#81 ThisJustMakesMeSad :

Oh fuckety fuck. Ugly and stupid all rolled into one.

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 5, 2010
11:37 pm

#82 ciaohowdy :

ooo, this is a very rare specimen! From the family: whatthefuckkisthisisus, Genus:saywhaaaatyplus.

Master will be so pleased that I found this! >drags chain and drools<

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 5, 2010
11:43 pm

#83 ThisJustMakesMeSad :

Hey! What happened to its EARS?

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 6, 2010
12:58 am

#84 JustJon :

That is the pinnacle of “lol wut”

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 6, 2010
2:52 am

#85 Catish :

Cat ? That is a cat ?!? It’s even uglier then those naked cats and I never thought that possible… can I have my eyes blenched or something ?

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 6, 2010
2:23 pm

#86 UnaBee :

This busted-eared cow-faced wadded-up-rag scraps-of-ACTUAL-garbage glued together piece of shit is no more a cat than pompom balls and spit are faerieyiaee-eggs.

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 6, 2010
5:14 pm

#87 Kiwihasdreads :

All I can say is…what the fuck.

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 6, 2010
5:54 pm

#88 tchappuis :

WTF? Why try when I could be doing something constructive, like sleeping? And what’s DERP, anyway? Is it an acronym?

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 6, 2010
11:33 pm

#89 lyontamer :

http://blip.fm/~kid7j

….Say what!?

Rate this comment: -1

Feb 7, 2010
12:08 am

#90 lyontamer :

Let’s add this song to the Regretsy Music collection.

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 7, 2010
11:33 am

#91 lyontamer :

(don’s nerd glasses and English accent)

According to http://www.urbandictionary.com, derp (pronounced drrp”) is:

“1. a stoner or a retard. Goll that guy is such a derp!”

“2. A word utterred when one screws up. origin: Matt Stone and Trey Parker in BASEketball. Used as an interjection.
(Imagine a scene where a guy is sniffing a girl’s underwear, only to discover it is her mom’s) DERP!”

#3 continues in next comment. (Fucking character limit.)

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 7, 2010
11:35 am

#92 lyontamer :

“3. A simple, undefined reply when an ignorant comment or action is made. Brought to life in the South Park series, when Mr. Derp made a guest apperance at South Park Elementary as the chef for a day, followed by hitting himself in the head with a hammer and exclaiming “Derp!”

I am t0tally c00l3r than 7u n00bs.

Derp.”

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 7, 2010
11:47 am

#93 lyontamer :

I have found some rather amusing acronyms using DERP.

Defense Environmental Restoration Program
Disposable Eye-Respiratory Protection
Display Education Research Population
Drug Effectiveness Review Project
Denver Employee Retirement Program
Defective Equipment Replacement Program

Derp!

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 7, 2010
2:24 pm

#94 starbug :

The “Callin’ Out on Etsy” blog made note of this seller trying to call that dirty plush pig “vintage” last month. It’s sad how little Etsy seems to care about what is posted on their site.

http://etsycallout.wordpress.com/2010/01/22/happy-2000/

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 8, 2010
11:34 am

#95 LadyGrey :

What is it with all this crapulence labeled “vintage”? Seems like people are slapping “vintage” on anything that looks oldish, kind of like the way people bandy about the term “Victorian.”

Honey, even it the record really was from the 1960’s, that ain’t vintage. It’s retro. Sorry.

Rate this comment: +1

Mar 14, 2010
5:08 pm

#96 priceless :

Derp’s real definition is actually “a situation that has been mismanaged or mishandled” according to dictionary.com and Wikipedia.

Personally, I think Urban Dictionary’s or Derp’s actual definition suffices here. This shit is fuuuuuugly.

Rate this comment: 0

Mar 14, 2010
5:10 pm

#97 priceless :

btw do I see a frying pan handle sneaking out the bottom of the display pic, there? I hope so, cause that would be…priceless!!

Rate this comment: 0