I did not know you can capture unicorns (easier) under an Apple tree. But I think I’m past the pure stage where I would be allowed to feed the unicorn from my lap. Thanks seller!
OK…I think I finally threw this out, but if I didn’t, I am putting it for sale in my shop. I know I could write a great description about it. It’s also Vintage AND Handmade (and “art”), since I painted it in 1972 when I was an angsty teen.
I fell asleep halfway through the first paragraph. What am I supposed to do with that stupid thing? Impale fairies and unicorns? Does it work on vampires too?
On the bright side, at least it isn’t some kind of sex toy for the ~*~MaGiYcKaL~*~ set.
The initial fifteen seconds of thinking ‘Pleasegodnodon’tletthatbeadildo’ has convinced me that it’s best for my mental health to only look at Regretsy when I’m wearing my glasses.
I agree on the at least I wasn’t drinking comment. After a nearly violent giggling fit, “what’s brown and sticky? a STICK” came to mind, even before I scrolled down to read that ridiculous fairy bullshit and your awesome translation.
I think the less something is the more the seller has to bullshit. The whole droning on and on about the waxes and oils, as if a stick is going to disintegrate into nothing in a manner of days.
I love the translation gimmick, this is the funniest use yet.
OK, I need help. I have to commission Max (nude ice skater sketcher) for a picture. Will pay $25 but I need a good photo. Here’s his and my Etsy convos:
(can anyone help?)
Betty,
Thank you for your interest in my work. If you send me the pictures I’ll give it my best shot and post the drawings on my site. The price will vary depending on the level of complexity of the drawing, but will likely be in the $15-25 range for a 8.5 by 11 inch drawing. I wasn’t sure, though, from your…
Thank you for your interest in my work. If you send me the pictures I’ll give it my best shot and post the drawings on my site. The price will vary depending on the level of complexity of the drawing, but will likely be in the $15-25 range for a 8.5 by 11 inch drawing. I wasn’t sure, though, from your message if you were looking for 1 group photo or a series of action photos.
Thanks,
Max
Hey Max,
Thanks for getting back to me! I would love one group action shot. If I…
TRUE STORY- I SHIT YOU NOT:
Grandma was down in Tama, Iowa gambling a few years back. She went to go cash out and stood in line. The guy in front of her cashed out and they told him his total. He grumbled and said “Well shit, I’m only ahead a couple of bucks.” So Granny said, “Well.Sir. It’s better then a stick in your eye.” The guy turned completely around and smiled at her- he only had one eye.
#37 Sculptor69- was hoping to commission Max- and a group /athletic/action shot of a group of basketball players, female. I may just send a photo of my sisters and me and have him interpret!
It makes me miss my stick, Stickley. Oh, we had such great times together on the island, frolicking on the beach, pointing and poking at things. Stickley was much taller, though.
I had no idea what a land mine of Fuckery I have out here. Time to set up shop.
I have enough sticks for a stick to shake a stick at another stick.
The size of poo ranges from a rabbit to a deer- due to the low temps it is excatly the same as it was when they laid there load.
The fucking pine cones and acorns- even an experienced miner would need a long ass time and alot of equipment to harvest all of them.
REAL fossils and Lake Superior Agates.
PussyWillows and Blue Bell’s.
Cow Pies.
$45 Patty:
“Like an idiot, I burned them in the firepit out back.” Just scoop out the ash, write some bull shit description about it being from a faerie pyre or some such fuckery nonsense and you’re all set. You can even have that ideal for free.
#45 and 48: Yep. Fire is the element of change, ya know. Just write up some woowoo fuckery about the fire’s and wood’s magical properties working together as represented by the ash, and you’re all set.
I was walking through the woods one day when I slipped on what I can only assume was fae urine. I looked up & under this toadstool was a tiny cauldron and the remnants of tiny, teardrop-shaped egg sacs. There were tiny voodoo-type dolls of a large human hand & I realized, I had (literally!) stumbled on a fairy black magicK ritual. I scooped up the ash as fast as I could & I put it in a little vial that you can now own… for the small sum of $158!
What is it with all the whackos out there that are so into faeries and unicorns. Are these people totally lost? My God. And to sell a piece of kindling for $20 claiming it has some magical or mystical qualities is just totally insane. (I don’t know what the description said, it bored the living shit out of me after the first sentence.) Whack job!
Makes me think about the spin big advertisers put on more socially acceptable landfill material that makes us all want to buy it. I’m sure a certain segment of the population will find this a very useful, um, tool….
You mean I can go pick sticks out of my yard and write a “the kind of sense that’s not” description and make money? And all this time I’ve been working a 9-5 job. Silly me.
#53 Oh, yes they do. When they’re standing in circles holding hands, talking to an invisible man in the center, asking for stuff, that’s a spell. They just call it something else.
I see that I got 4 thumbs-down for my last comment. What gives? Who did I offend- Wiccans or Christians? I don’t know how I’m going to get to sleep tonight.
I couldn’t get past the first sentence to read the rest of that bs, but I do have to confess I always like wood to be as natural as possible. That stick, though, is pretty f-ing ugly. Seems more suitable for some Buffy slaying than forest-fuckery.
@biggles5–yeah, her “wholesale” price is much cheaper–what gives? But I gotta love reading her descriptions…it confuses my brain in the same way drugs do.
I had to stop reading after my eyes began to bleed. Now that I think of it, it might have been brain matter trying to escape the torture.
If there were unicorns and fairies, one thing is for certain, they probably would know better than to communicate with someone waving a stick around and chanting.
So I just have to ask…do people really take this wand stuff seriously, or is this seller a put-on? I’m afraid I’ll laugh uncontrollably if I encounter somebody waving a stick, chanting on one of my daily hikes–so far, so good!
#91 IscreamUscream: Of the Wiccan people I know, they do use “wands” so to speak in prayers/rituals. It has a symbolic meaning. I don’t know too much about it since religion isn’t exactly my forte, but I think it’s similar to the Catholic use of rosaries when praying. I have yet to see them in a park trying to communicate with mythical creatures.
Actually, this seller and her sticks don’t bother me. She is just verbose and well-versed in folklore. She seems to sincerely revere Nature, and her customers are happy. That being said, isn’t this a beauty?
yeah i’m definitely not reading that description. i’m far too excited to get my new stick, er, i mean stunning natural wood wand order in place. i can’t wait to chase my children and other people’s children with it. i hope i get if before valentines day so i can stab my true love with it and then bring him back to life with my fairy dust.
@ #53 Bronc Drywall – Too tired to read if anyone else has pointed this out, but Christians do think they can perform magic spells. It’s called imprecatory prayer, and it’s practiced by goddamn fucking pieces of shit like this who pray for Obama’s death:
ok, way late to the party.
literal thoughts:
“Shit! Is that a stick? Holy fuck! How much are they charging for that stick? $20.00? Are you shitting me?!?”
Apparently, little did I know in that I have an orchard in the backyard — apparently I actually have a fucking money tree! Boo-yah!
Excuse me, I need to go out and collect twigs, and apparenyly get out a pencil sharpener…
364 sales? Have you seen how many of those $20 sticks this person has actually sold? I’m totally in the wrong business.
I can’t believe how many people have bought sticks. Now whenever I walk down the street I’m going to be looking at all the people wondering which ones are fucking stick-buyers.
The whole time I was reading that description, the phrase ‘it’s fucking stick’ kept going through my mind. Imagine my surprise when I got to the end and in the comment box Helen Killer typed those exact words. Exact.
I am now offering my services as a psychic. I will not charge anyone, for I feel this is a true gift. While I am not an ordained minister, I was raised an Episcopalian and taught sunday school.
I *knew* you were going to click the ‘thumbs down’ button.
It looks like she could demolish the pickle jar with that ass. Fierce.
I am happy to see that he’s got some new additions besides your picture. The hot springs one really…uh…well. At least he’s taking her out of the house.
Whaapplewha: I’m gonna buy it, that’s the only honorable option since I suggested the piece. Maybe we can barter, I’ll trade him my faerie/unicorn wand for the drawing.
whaapplewha and Skully–that is hilarious! Max is a good sport for offering his renditions. He offered to do my action/basketball team nude. Thinking of a family photo for him to interpret/sketch in the nude. Next year’s Christmas card?
Ya know, Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. Nothing says I Love You like a Max original sketch of a mature, thunder thighed woman riding a tractor crushing pickles.
I’m sure whoever you give it to will “treasure” it.
Whaapplewha, Betty, Wilma: I’m considering framing the piece and donating it to the local John Deere office/dist. center. And yes, Max is a good sport, I have a feeling we’re gonna join forces on Etsy.
Skully- What a great ideal! Surely John Deere will enjoy. Maybe even feature on a tractor calendar! Methinks a Regretsy Calendar would take off as well, but real profits are in selling sticks and ideals.
#127 Betty- I think that nothing captures the spirit of Christmas better than a naked family portrait. Maybe you could all be wearing antler or candycane headbands?
Totally unrelated to anything in this thread, but still funny (I thought): On Tosh.0 he featured a web clip of a guy on a beach trying to put his pants on like a jacket. He had an arm in each leg and kept trying to shrug it on like you would a jacket. It was pretty awesome.
Betty,
You are already in the family vault so why not a nude Max sketch Christmas Cards. Best way to announce to everyone that you are converting to Wiccan now chasing faeries and unicorns and dropping LSD.
you beauty! Ive just pruned our apple tree and have a pile of wood just waiting mass wand processing…..do you think it matters that the next doors tomcat just p*ssed on it (Iactually just witnessed this out the window!!!)
February 5, 2010 at 4:34 pm
can i use it to stab myself in the eye?
coz after reading this, i need to do that.
like, now.
February 5, 2010 at 4:35 pm
it’s a damn good thing I wasn’t drinking anything when I read your translation. ‘cuz it would have snorted out my nose.
February 5, 2010 at 4:35 pm
I did not know you can capture unicorns (easier) under an Apple tree. But I think I’m past the pure stage where I would be allowed to feed the unicorn from my lap. Thanks seller!
February 5, 2010 at 4:36 pm
It’s not Windows compatible. That would be made of Papyrus: http://prttyshttydesign.blogspot.com/2010/01/open-letter-to-james-cameron-from.html
And yes, I have been drinking. Thanks.
February 5, 2010 at 4:37 pm
Uh oh. Someone forgot to get their Haldol shot…
Come. Back. To. Reality.
“Fae” is a figment of your deeply disturbed imagination. There are no unicorns. And it’s a fucking stick. Really. A STICK!
Call your case manager quick, to schedule that shot. ‘kay?
February 5, 2010 at 4:38 pm
Really, you can’t do better than HK:
It is a fucking stick.
February 5, 2010 at 4:38 pm
oh my that is the edited version… there’s even more(!?!) to read in the listing. my brain is dead
February 5, 2010 at 4:40 pm
DAMN! translation is exaclty what I was thinking before I saw it SHIT! ITS A FUCKING STICK FOR GODS SAKE!
If I needed something to blame my heavy drinking on for tonight this would be it!!!
February 5, 2010 at 4:40 pm
OK…I think I finally threw this out, but if I didn’t, I am putting it for sale in my shop. I know I could write a great description about it. It’s also Vintage AND Handmade (and “art”), since I painted it in 1972 when I was an angsty teen.
http://www.moon-and-star.com/gallery/albums/userpics/10001/unicorn1.jpg
February 5, 2010 at 4:40 pm
I fell asleep halfway through the first paragraph. What am I supposed to do with that stupid thing? Impale fairies and unicorns? Does it work on vampires too?
February 5, 2010 at 4:41 pm
Hey, don’t judge. It IS better than a stick in the eye.
February 5, 2010 at 4:43 pm
I’m a little concerned that she’s selling a stake for “working” with these mythical creatures.
I’m also amused that she’s asking $20 for it.
February 5, 2010 at 4:44 pm
Dude, I can’t believe Ollivander’s online now…
February 5, 2010 at 4:45 pm
“It will come with a list of the magical properties of the wood, a picture of the actual wand, consecration suggestions and care instructions.”
Wait. What? Is he selling the stick (er, wand) or a *picture* of the wand?
February 5, 2010 at 4:45 pm
On the bright side, at least it isn’t some kind of sex toy for the ~*~MaGiYcKaL~*~ set.
The initial fifteen seconds of thinking ‘Pleasegodnodon’tletthatbeadildo’ has convinced me that it’s best for my mental health to only look at Regretsy when I’m wearing my glasses.
February 5, 2010 at 4:45 pm
he spells it: faerie; faery; fairy. what a douchebaege.
i sat under an apple tree all fucking day and all i got were ants in my hair.
February 5, 2010 at 4:46 pm
I agree on the at least I wasn’t drinking comment. After a nearly violent giggling fit, “what’s brown and sticky? a STICK” came to mind, even before I scrolled down to read that ridiculous fairy bullshit and your awesome translation.
February 5, 2010 at 4:46 pm
I think the less something is the more the seller has to bullshit. The whole droning on and on about the waxes and oils, as if a stick is going to disintegrate into nothing in a manner of days.
I love the translation gimmick, this is the funniest use yet.
February 5, 2010 at 4:47 pm
#9, I hope you didn’t toss it. That thing could make you a fortune!
February 5, 2010 at 4:48 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 5, 2010 at 4:48 pm
I like these
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=32833907
they are perfect for when I’m playing Dungeons & Dragons with my Viking friends.
February 5, 2010 at 4:48 pm
OK, I need help. I have to commission Max (nude ice skater sketcher) for a picture. Will pay $25 but I need a good photo. Here’s his and my Etsy convos:
(can anyone help?)
Betty,
Thank you for your interest in my work. If you send me the pictures I’ll give it my best shot and post the drawings on my site. The price will vary depending on the level of complexity of the drawing, but will likely be in the $15-25 range for a 8.5 by 11 inch drawing. I wasn’t sure, though, from your…
February 5, 2010 at 4:49 pm
Consecration suggestions? Jesus.
How ’bout this suggestion? Take your meds. Now.
February 5, 2010 at 4:49 pm
Betty,
Thank you for your interest in my work. If you send me the pictures I’ll give it my best shot and post the drawings on my site. The price will vary depending on the level of complexity of the drawing, but will likely be in the $15-25 range for a 8.5 by 11 inch drawing. I wasn’t sure, though, from your message if you were looking for 1 group photo or a series of action photos.
Thanks,
Max
Hey Max,
Thanks for getting back to me! I would love one group action shot. If I…
February 5, 2010 at 4:50 pm
Do Etsy sellers get paid like magazine writers, per word?
February 5, 2010 at 4:53 pm
Oh man. I am in the wrong racket.
February 5, 2010 at 4:53 pm
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=39862900
I can only imagine the enraged cats getting stuck around her house because they’ve been de-whiskered.
February 5, 2010 at 4:53 pm
I so want one of these for my dog!
February 5, 2010 at 4:54 pm
I know exactly where I’d like to tell this seller to STICK it
February 5, 2010 at 4:55 pm
TRUE STORY- I SHIT YOU NOT:
Grandma was down in Tama, Iowa gambling a few years back. She went to go cash out and stood in line. The guy in front of her cashed out and they told him his total. He grumbled and said “Well shit, I’m only ahead a couple of bucks.” So Granny said, “Well.Sir. It’s better then a stick in your eye.” The guy turned completely around and smiled at her- he only had one eye.
February 5, 2010 at 4:56 pm
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=39295259
a 3-pronged twig with its own vagina. Nice.
February 5, 2010 at 4:56 pm
I’m not paying per word for something that falls off trees…for free. Translation sums up this fuckery
February 5, 2010 at 4:57 pm
#29 Raz- we have been through this before- although I do not recall what post.
February 5, 2010 at 4:57 pm
In prison they call this a shank.
February 5, 2010 at 4:57 pm
bahhhahahahahahhahahaha killer!
translation:
April Winchell you are a fucking legend of awesomenessawesomesauce
February 5, 2010 at 4:58 pm
It’s shit on a stick.
February 5, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Betty, what did you need a photo of, exactly?
February 5, 2010 at 4:59 pm
#34 StinkBait Do tell us more- I am very interested.
February 5, 2010 at 5:04 pm
#37 Sculptor69- was hoping to commission Max- and a group /athletic/action shot of a group of basketball players, female. I may just send a photo of my sisters and me and have him interpret!
February 5, 2010 at 5:04 pm
Does anyone actually believe this pile of schtick?
February 5, 2010 at 5:05 pm
Anybody else thinking she should probably install better ventilation in her “exotic oils and waxes” room?
February 5, 2010 at 5:06 pm
It makes me miss my stick, Stickley. Oh, we had such great times together on the island, frolicking on the beach, pointing and poking at things. Stickley was much taller, though.
February 5, 2010 at 5:07 pm
#27: he says “I don’t hold them down and pull them out with pliers”
im not sure i believe him
February 5, 2010 at 5:09 pm
Hippie Dildo.
Then again, I feel like I’m reading Faery soft porn.
February 5, 2010 at 5:10 pm
#42 Thistle :
Whiskers do fall out on occasion. I’ll find one one the floor now and then. Ima savin’ ‘em from now on. though. Crafty me.
February 5, 2010 at 5:12 pm
During a recent snowstorm, I had a whole mess of these fall off the lilac tree in my yard.
Like an idiot, I burned them in the firepit out back.
I could have made THOUSANDS! Gah!
February 5, 2010 at 5:12 pm
I had no idea what a land mine of Fuckery I have out here. Time to set up shop.
I have enough sticks for a stick to shake a stick at another stick.
The size of poo ranges from a rabbit to a deer- due to the low temps it is excatly the same as it was when they laid there load.
The fucking pine cones and acorns- even an experienced miner would need a long ass time and alot of equipment to harvest all of them.
REAL fossils and Lake Superior Agates.
PussyWillows and Blue Bell’s.
Cow Pies.
February 5, 2010 at 5:13 pm
#39 Betty, just GIS the WNBA. I’m sure you can find some decent reference shots.
February 5, 2010 at 5:14 pm
Betty, I hope Max works his wonders with my thighs.
February 5, 2010 at 5:17 pm
$45 Patty:
“Like an idiot, I burned them in the firepit out back.” Just scoop out the ash, write some bull shit description about it being from a faerie pyre or some such fuckery nonsense and you’re all set. You can even have that ideal for free.
February 5, 2010 at 5:18 pm
#27 It’s true, cat whiskers fall out on their own. I have a whole jar full.
February 5, 2010 at 5:20 pm
#45 and 48: Yep. Fire is the element of change, ya know. Just write up some woowoo fuckery about the fire’s and wood’s magical properties working together as represented by the ash, and you’re all set.
February 5, 2010 at 5:20 pm
WIccans are actually more annoying than Christians. As bad as Christians may be at times, at least they don’t think they can perform magic spells.
February 5, 2010 at 5:24 pm
It appears that some faeries got out of the bottle, shamelessly plugging & pimping their wares on here…
February 5, 2010 at 5:25 pm
All this time I’ve been working minimum wage. And I could have just sold some garden waste for $20 a piece.
February 5, 2010 at 5:26 pm
Suda:
I was walking through the woods one day when I slipped on what I can only assume was fae urine. I looked up & under this toadstool was a tiny cauldron and the remnants of tiny, teardrop-shaped egg sacs. There were tiny voodoo-type dolls of a large human hand & I realized, I had (literally!) stumbled on a fairy black magicK ritual. I scooped up the ash as fast as I could & I put it in a little vial that you can now own… for the small sum of $158!
February 5, 2010 at 5:26 pm
“at least they don’t think they can perform magic spells.”
Transubstantiation comes pretty close.
Besides, there are two sides to every story: At least wiccans don’t drink wine out of a golden spit-cup and call it the Blood of Christ.
February 5, 2010 at 5:30 pm
#56 Patty: Brilliant, I’d totally buy it! Oh wait no I wouldn’t but brilliant none the less.
February 5, 2010 at 5:33 pm
#56 Patty:
It’s still cheaper than saffron. I could use that in a magickal curry that I’ll stir with a stick.
February 5, 2010 at 5:52 pm
#44: Hippie Dildo.
Adds whole new meaning to “it’s a fucking stick.”
February 5, 2010 at 5:59 pm
What is it with all the whackos out there that are so into faeries and unicorns. Are these people totally lost? My God. And to sell a piece of kindling for $20 claiming it has some magical or mystical qualities is just totally insane. (I don’t know what the description said, it bored the living shit out of me after the first sentence.) Whack job!
February 5, 2010 at 6:00 pm
I love this. Even as she is dissing the whole fairy phenomenon, she is trying to sell fairy items to people.
February 5, 2010 at 6:26 pm
#60 Mistletoe :
#44: Hippie Dildo.
Adds whole new meaning to “it’s a fucking stick.”
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=31645675
No, THIS is a f*cking stick. On a rope.
February 5, 2010 at 6:29 pm
That description gave me a severe case of MEGO (my eyes glazed over).
Maybe she could use this to impale and capture those baby faeries.
February 5, 2010 at 6:30 pm
And elsewhere in the shop there’s a sacred bundle of sticks for burning:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=38403574
YEAH.
I believe I can get those for free outside. The fall off the trees everytime it snows.
February 5, 2010 at 6:30 pm
whats with all the thumbs down haters?
February 5, 2010 at 6:37 pm
Makes me think about the spin big advertisers put on more socially acceptable landfill material that makes us all want to buy it. I’m sure a certain segment of the population will find this a very useful, um, tool….
Eh, at least it’s biodegradable.
February 5, 2010 at 6:42 pm
You mean I can go pick sticks out of my yard and write a “the kind of sense that’s not” description and make money? And all this time I’ve been working a 9-5 job. Silly me.
February 5, 2010 at 6:44 pm
It is still a better bargain than that fauxfolksy catcow scuzzy lace curtainy blob with a busted record thingy.
February 5, 2010 at 6:56 pm
#9 I would so buy that!
February 5, 2010 at 6:56 pm
now THIS
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=30724134&ref=sr_gallery_4&&ga_search_query=wood+dildo&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&includes=tags&includes=title
really IS a “fucking stick”. And apple too…..feel the magic!
February 5, 2010 at 7:00 pm
# 71 , thanks for pointing the link out , sounds so fabulous, shaped by his own two hands with no splinters! Imagine that.EWWWWWWWWW
February 5, 2010 at 7:02 pm
no problem #72 LK….I saw them a long time ago on etsy and seriously never thought I’d have any reason to revisit the listing! ow, and no thank you.
February 5, 2010 at 7:07 pm
#73 angatdorotheas :
“Salad bowl varnish.” Sounds sexy.
February 5, 2010 at 7:10 pm
#53 Oh, yes they do. When they’re standing in circles holding hands, talking to an invisible man in the center, asking for stuff, that’s a spell. They just call it something else.
February 5, 2010 at 7:11 pm
That’s a nice fucking stick, but it’s not gonna make unicorns any less fruity.
February 5, 2010 at 7:12 pm
Had to give one to #66, just for spite.
February 5, 2010 at 7:14 pm
bronc has a new “avatar”…ha
February 5, 2010 at 7:17 pm
Why would anyone pay $20 for this when they could get a whole pile of sticks for only $10?
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=38403574
February 5, 2010 at 7:23 pm
There are different reasons to thumbs-down. Like #20, which I did out of agreement that the dress sucks badly.
February 5, 2010 at 7:25 pm
Is this crazy bitch cutting off her cat’s whiskers?
February 5, 2010 at 7:25 pm
I see that I got 4 thumbs-down for my last comment. What gives? Who did I offend- Wiccans or Christians? I don’t know how I’m going to get to sleep tonight.
February 5, 2010 at 7:42 pm
OMG…I must have…like…a billion dollars of inventory in my backyard. I’ll start a company.
Itsafuckingstick, Inc.!
February 5, 2010 at 7:44 pm
#82 I’m into flying spaghetti. I gave ya a thumbs up.
February 5, 2010 at 7:49 pm
I couldn’t get past the first sentence to read the rest of that bs, but I do have to confess I always like wood to be as natural as possible. That stick, though, is pretty f-ing ugly. Seems more suitable for some Buffy slaying than forest-fuckery.
February 5, 2010 at 7:53 pm
IT’S A STICK
(shit sold separately)
February 5, 2010 at 7:57 pm
@biggles5–yeah, her “wholesale” price is much cheaper–what gives?
But I gotta love reading her descriptions…it confuses my brain in the same way drugs do. 
February 5, 2010 at 8:04 pm
I had to stop reading after my eyes began to bleed. Now that I think of it, it might have been brain matter trying to escape the torture.
If there were unicorns and fairies, one thing is for certain, they probably would know better than to communicate with someone waving a stick around and chanting.
February 5, 2010 at 8:08 pm
Seriously, didn’t anyone tell her she could poke someone’s eye out playing with a stick?
February 5, 2010 at 8:16 pm
#71 angatdorotheas :
now THIS
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=30724134&ref=sr_gallery_4&&ga_search_query=wood+dildo&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&includes=tags&includes=title
really IS a “fucking stick”. And apple too…..feel the magic!
Oy, the splinters from that!!!
February 5, 2010 at 8:18 pm
So I just have to ask…do people really take this wand stuff seriously, or is this seller a put-on? I’m afraid I’ll laugh uncontrollably if I encounter somebody waving a stick, chanting on one of my daily hikes–so far, so good!
February 5, 2010 at 8:27 pm
#91 IscreamUscream: Of the Wiccan people I know, they do use “wands” so to speak in prayers/rituals. It has a symbolic meaning. I don’t know too much about it since religion isn’t exactly my forte, but I think it’s similar to the Catholic use of rosaries when praying. I have yet to see them in a park trying to communicate with mythical creatures.
February 5, 2010 at 9:18 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 5, 2010 at 9:19 pm
Actually, this seller and her sticks don’t bother me. She is just verbose and well-versed in folklore. She seems to sincerely revere Nature, and her customers are happy. That being said, isn’t this a beauty?
http://www.etsy.com/view_transaction.php?transaction_id=23743710
February 5, 2010 at 9:26 pm
A real beauty indeed , reminds me of petrified corn poop soap.
February 5, 2010 at 9:35 pm
You lost me at “faieryies” or whatever the spelling! It’s a stick. I like my Professor Snape wand better.
February 5, 2010 at 9:38 pm
AND…… How about a big Regretsy cheer for all of you who actually read that description… I was just too tired to even try…. HUZZAH!
February 5, 2010 at 10:26 pm
$20 for a stick.
Fuck you.
That’s the best response I can do right now.
February 5, 2010 at 10:31 pm
yeah i’m definitely not reading that description. i’m far too excited to get my new stick, er, i mean stunning natural wood wand order in place. i can’t wait to chase my children and other people’s children with it. i hope i get if before valentines day so i can stab my true love with it and then bring him back to life with my fairy dust.
February 5, 2010 at 10:53 pm
Am I the ONLY one who has noticed she has had 364 SALES?! Somewhere an asylum lost it’s precious funding, people!
Either that or a great big box of this stuff was delivered to an architecture of madness and the patients fought their way out using magic.
Either way, we’re screwed. Hold me.
February 5, 2010 at 10:54 pm
OK, somebody really needs to photoshop that darn cute Regretsy kitty into this listing: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=39862900
February 5, 2010 at 11:31 pm
Wait, wait…what are we doing with fairies and unicorns and a sharpened stick? Because I’m thinking a loaded gun would probably work better.
February 6, 2010 at 12:55 am
That is NOT a stick.
It is a boomerang so magical, it doesn’t come back to you.
February 6, 2010 at 2:57 am
@ #53 Bronc Drywall – Too tired to read if anyone else has pointed this out, but Christians do think they can perform magic spells. It’s called imprecatory prayer, and it’s practiced by goddamn fucking pieces of shit like this who pray for Obama’s death:
http://www.splcenter.org/blog/2009/06/25/pastor-asks-god-to-smite-president-obama/
Others use the bible to encourage others to pray for the same:
http://thinkprogress.org/2009/11/19/pray-obama-psal/
February 6, 2010 at 3:31 am
she also makes mini-dicks, I mean mini-sticks… I mean mini-wands…
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=31646443
February 6, 2010 at 5:43 am
#104 methuselah,
OY VEY
I’ll take fae fluff, wacky wiccas & sacred stick shit over this bible babble anyday.
February 6, 2010 at 5:53 am
ok, way late to the party.
literal thoughts:
“Shit! Is that a stick? Holy fuck! How much are they charging for that stick? $20.00? Are you shitting me?!?”
Apparently, little did I know in that I have an orchard in the backyard — apparently I actually have a fucking money tree! Boo-yah!
Excuse me, I need to go out and collect twigs, and apparenyly get out a pencil sharpener…
February 6, 2010 at 7:02 am
364 sales? Have you seen how many of those $20 sticks this person has actually sold? I’m totally in the wrong business.
I can’t believe how many people have bought sticks. Now whenever I walk down the street I’m going to be looking at all the people wondering which ones are fucking stick-buyers.
February 6, 2010 at 7:22 am
Before I had even scrolled down, my 6yo daughter said “It’s just a stick.”
February 6, 2010 at 7:37 am
A hand-crafted fairy/unicorn dildo. How lovely.
February 6, 2010 at 9:48 am
For $20, the seller should include a couple leafy leaves.
February 6, 2010 at 10:40 am
#111 Skully :
For $20, the seller should include a couple leafy leaves.
——————–
On a magnet
February 6, 2010 at 11:33 am
You know what REALLY attracts faeries and unicorns?
LSD
February 6, 2010 at 3:05 pm
What the hell?
Who would want to buy it after reading all of that? A buyer would not have enough energy left to push the purchase button!
February 6, 2010 at 3:52 pm
The whole time I was reading that description, the phrase ‘it’s fucking stick’ kept going through my mind. Imagine my surprise when I got to the end and in the comment box Helen Killer typed those exact words. Exact.
I am now offering my services as a psychic. I will not charge anyone, for I feel this is a true gift. While I am not an ordained minister, I was raised an Episcopalian and taught sunday school.
I *knew* you were going to click the ‘thumbs down’ button.
February 6, 2010 at 3:55 pm
“It’s a fucking stick”, “it’s a fucking stick”
god, I hate when that happens. I can screw up a punchline like nobodies business too.
February 6, 2010 at 5:15 pm
Hm. How do you get splinters out of a non-felt vagoo?
February 6, 2010 at 5:16 pm
Took longer to write that description out than picking that thing up and whittling the end maybe 2 times.
I don’t know what “consecration” means, and I don’t want to know.
February 6, 2010 at 5:57 pm
71: OK, I gotta admit it, you win. That most certainly IS a fucking stick.
Incidentally, I think “My dildos are shaped entirely by hand” might be worth considering for a T-shirt design.
February 6, 2010 at 6:50 pm
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=4769904&l=f997ae603e&id=562289679
February 6, 2010 at 7:48 pm
#119 Mistletoe, great idea ! ,for sale next to the hello clitty mitties perhaps?
February 6, 2010 at 8:25 pm
Thank God. My unicorns have been so unruly lately.
February 6, 2010 at 9:44 pm
This has nothing to do with stick for sale, but WTF:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=40132100
February 6, 2010 at 10:22 pm
#123 Skully!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS AWESOMESAUCE. Are you going to buy it? And frame it and hang it in your bathroom?
February 6, 2010 at 10:26 pm
It looks like she could demolish the pickle jar with that ass. Fierce.
I am happy to see that he’s got some new additions besides your picture. The hot springs one really…uh…well. At least he’s taking her out of the house.
February 7, 2010 at 9:16 am
Whaapplewha: I’m gonna buy it, that’s the only honorable option since I suggested the piece. Maybe we can barter, I’ll trade him my faerie/unicorn wand for the drawing.
February 7, 2010 at 10:01 am
whaapplewha and Skully–that is hilarious! Max is a good sport for offering his renditions. He offered to do my action/basketball team nude. Thinking of a family photo for him to interpret/sketch in the nude. Next year’s Christmas card?
February 7, 2010 at 10:24 am
Skully, this is truly fabulous!
Ya know, Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. Nothing says I Love You like a Max original sketch of a mature, thunder thighed woman riding a tractor crushing pickles.
I’m sure whoever you give it to will “treasure” it.
February 7, 2010 at 10:33 am
Wilma- wondering if the Regretsy World is ready to see our nude renditions on Max’s site. Our thighs may appear larger on paper.
PS Wilma and Betty are related…
February 7, 2010 at 10:47 am
Whaapplewha, Betty, Wilma: I’m considering framing the piece and donating it to the local John Deere office/dist. center. And yes, Max is a good sport, I have a feeling we’re gonna join forces on Etsy.
February 7, 2010 at 10:55 am
Skully- What a great ideal! Surely John Deere will enjoy. Maybe even feature on a tractor calendar! Methinks a Regretsy Calendar would take off as well, but real profits are in selling sticks and ideals.
February 7, 2010 at 2:52 pm
OMG, I would love a Regretsy calendar!!
February 7, 2010 at 3:18 pm
#127 Betty- I think that nothing captures the spirit of Christmas better than a naked family portrait. Maybe you could all be wearing antler or candycane headbands?
February 7, 2010 at 3:40 pm
Why ISN’T there a Regretsy calendar yet?
February 7, 2010 at 4:28 pm
sudabaki and whapplewha- a calendar would be whimsicle. Nude family members with antlers- PRICELESS. I would be put in a vault for doing that.
February 8, 2010 at 12:45 am
Totally unrelated to anything in this thread, but still funny (I thought): On Tosh.0 he featured a web clip of a guy on a beach trying to put his pants on like a jacket. He had an arm in each leg and kept trying to shrug it on like you would a jacket. It was pretty awesome.
What would that be, a Packet? Jants? Shirants?
February 8, 2010 at 4:24 am
Betty,
You are already in the family vault so why not a nude Max sketch Christmas Cards. Best way to announce to everyone that you are converting to Wiccan now chasing faeries and unicorns and dropping LSD.
February 8, 2010 at 11:35 am
So if this a wand with an “untamed elemental quality” that’s “untamed/untameable” then why is it made out of apple, a domesticated tree species?
Seems a bit contradictory, don’t it?
February 8, 2010 at 1:19 pm
The Babelfish translation actually made me choke.
February 11, 2010 at 5:10 am
It makes me sad that she has 299 positive ratings. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=39862900
February 13, 2010 at 6:26 pm
I can’t use it. I’m a PC, and it’s an Apple…
July 19, 2010 at 3:32 am
you beauty! Ive just pruned our apple tree and have a pile of wood just waiting mass wand processing…..do you think it matters that the next doors tomcat just p*ssed on it (Iactually just witnessed this out the window!!!)
August 5, 2010 at 3:22 pm
…It’s better than a sharp stick in the eye…. HEY NOW THERE’S AN IDEA!!!
October 16, 2010 at 6:58 pm
huh. who ever knew johnny appleseed was such an anal freak?