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Abra Ca-blablah

Posted by Helen Killer

143 comments

Filed in Annoying Descriptions, Bullshit, Fairies 143 comments

143 Comments

Add Comment

Feb 5, 2010
4:34 pm

#1 reqbat :

can i use it to stab myself in the eye?
coz after reading this, i need to do that.
like, now.

Rate this comment: +105

Feb 5, 2010
4:35 pm

#2 winediva :

it’s a damn good thing I wasn’t drinking anything when I read your translation. ‘cuz it would have snorted out my nose.

Rate this comment: +61

Feb 5, 2010
4:35 pm

#3 BettyMachete :

I did not know you can capture unicorns (easier) under an Apple tree. But I think I’m past the pure stage where I would be allowed to feed the unicorn from my lap. Thanks seller!

Rate this comment: +47

Feb 5, 2010
4:36 pm

#4 haineux :

It’s not Windows compatible. That would be made of Papyrus: http://prttyshttydesign.blogspot.com/2010/01/open-letter-to-james-cameron-from.html

And yes, I have been drinking. Thanks.

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 5, 2010
4:37 pm

#5 jes7o :

Uh oh. Someone forgot to get their Haldol shot…

Come. Back. To. Reality.

“Fae” is a figment of your deeply disturbed imagination. There are no unicorns. And it’s a fucking stick. Really. A STICK!

Call your case manager quick, to schedule that shot. ‘kay?

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 5, 2010
4:38 pm

#6 SarcasmQueen :

Really, you can’t do better than HK:
It is a fucking stick.

Rate this comment: +33

Feb 5, 2010
4:38 pm

#7 whyohwhy :

oh my that is the edited version… there’s even more(!?!) to read in the listing. my brain is dead

Rate this comment: +30

Feb 5, 2010
4:40 pm

#8 SuperSnark :

DAMN! translation is exaclty what I was thinking before I saw it SHIT! ITS A FUCKING STICK FOR GODS SAKE!

If I needed something to blame my heavy drinking on for tonight this would be it!!!

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 5, 2010
4:40 pm

#9 voxwoman :

OK…I think I finally threw this out, but if I didn’t, I am putting it for sale in my shop. I know I could write a great description about it. It’s also Vintage AND Handmade (and “art”), since I painted it in 1972 when I was an angsty teen.

http://www.moon-and-star.com/gallery/albums/userpics/10001/unicorn1.jpg

Rate this comment: +45

Feb 5, 2010
4:40 pm

#10 sudabaki© :

I fell asleep halfway through the first paragraph. What am I supposed to do with that stupid thing? Impale fairies and unicorns? Does it work on vampires too?

Rate this comment: +82

Feb 5, 2010
4:41 pm

#11 Sculptor69 :

Hey, don’t judge. It IS better than a stick in the eye.

Rate this comment: +18

Feb 5, 2010
4:43 pm

#12 Dynomoose :

I’m a little concerned that she’s selling a stake for “working” with these mythical creatures.
I’m also amused that she’s asking $20 for it.

Rate this comment: +26

Feb 5, 2010
4:44 pm

#13 captaincavegirl :

Dude, I can’t believe Ollivander’s online now…

Rate this comment: +56

Feb 5, 2010
4:45 pm

#14 voxwoman :

“It will come with a list of the magical properties of the wood, a picture of the actual wand, consecration suggestions and care instructions.”

Wait. What? Is he selling the stick (er, wand) or a *picture* of the wand?

Rate this comment: +19

Feb 5, 2010
4:45 pm

#15 TooManyCookbooks :

On the bright side, at least it isn’t some kind of sex toy for the ~*~MaGiYcKaL~*~ set.

The initial fifteen seconds of thinking ‘Pleasegodnodon’tletthatbeadildo’ has convinced me that it’s best for my mental health to only look at Regretsy when I’m wearing my glasses.

Rate this comment: +54

Feb 5, 2010
4:45 pm

#16 Thistle :

he spells it: faerie; faery; fairy. what a douchebaege.

i sat under an apple tree all fucking day and all i got were ants in my hair.

Rate this comment: +74

Feb 5, 2010
4:46 pm

#17 mebellus :

I agree on the at least I wasn’t drinking comment. After a nearly violent giggling fit, “what’s brown and sticky? a STICK” came to mind, even before I scrolled down to read that ridiculous fairy bullshit and your awesome translation.

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 5, 2010
4:46 pm

#18 greenfuzz :

I think the less something is the more the seller has to bullshit. The whole droning on and on about the waxes and oils, as if a stick is going to disintegrate into nothing in a manner of days.

I love the translation gimmick, this is the funniest use yet.

Rate this comment: +14

Feb 5, 2010
4:47 pm

#19 Dynomoose :

#9, I hope you didn’t toss it. That thing could make you a fortune!

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 5, 2010
4:48 pm

#20 Memory :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -28

Feb 5, 2010
4:48 pm

#21 voxwoman :

I like these
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=32833907
they are perfect for when I’m playing Dungeons & Dragons with my Viking friends.

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 5, 2010
4:48 pm

#22 BettyMachete :

OK, I need help. I have to commission Max (nude ice skater sketcher) for a picture. Will pay $25 but I need a good photo. Here’s his and my Etsy convos:
(can anyone help?)

Betty,

Thank you for your interest in my work. If you send me the pictures I’ll give it my best shot and post the drawings on my site. The price will vary depending on the level of complexity of the drawing, but will likely be in the $15-25 range for a 8.5 by 11 inch drawing. I wasn’t sure, though, from your…

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 5, 2010
4:49 pm

#23 SarcasmQueen :

Consecration suggestions? Jesus.
How ’bout this suggestion? Take your meds. Now.

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 5, 2010
4:49 pm

#24 BettyMachete :

Betty,

Thanks,
Max

Hey Max,

Thanks for getting back to me! I would love one group action shot. If I…

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 5, 2010
4:50 pm

#25 HelenaHandbasket :

Do Etsy sellers get paid like magazine writers, per word?

Rate this comment: +19

Feb 5, 2010
4:53 pm

#26 methuselah :

Oh man. I am in the wrong racket.

Rate this comment: +16

Feb 5, 2010
4:53 pm

#27 voxwoman :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=39862900

I can only imagine the enraged cats getting stuck around her house because they’ve been de-whiskered.

Rate this comment: +28

Feb 5, 2010
4:53 pm

#28 crapgawker :

I so want one of these for my dog!

Rate this comment: +23

Feb 5, 2010
4:54 pm

#29 razberries :

I know exactly where I’d like to tell this seller to STICK it

Rate this comment: +26

Feb 5, 2010
4:55 pm

#30 Recovering Crack Baby :

TRUE STORY- I SHIT YOU NOT:
Grandma was down in Tama, Iowa gambling a few years back. She went to go cash out and stood in line. The guy in front of her cashed out and they told him his total. He grumbled and said “Well shit, I’m only ahead a couple of bucks.” So Granny said, “Well.Sir. It’s better then a stick in your eye.” The guy turned completely around and smiled at her- he only had one eye.

Rate this comment: +77

Feb 5, 2010
4:56 pm

#31 voxwoman :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=39295259

a 3-pronged twig with its own vagina. Nice.

Rate this comment: +17

Feb 5, 2010
4:56 pm

#32 IscreamUscream :

I’m not paying per word for something that falls off trees…for free. Translation sums up this fuckery

Rate this comment: +17

Feb 5, 2010
4:57 pm

#33 Recovering Crack Baby :

#29 Raz- we have been through this before- although I do not recall what post.

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 5, 2010
4:57 pm

#34 StinkBait :

In prison they call this a shank.

Rate this comment: +46

Feb 5, 2010
4:57 pm

#35 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

bahhhahahahahahhahahaha killer!

translation:

April Winchell you are a fucking legend of awesomenessawesomesauce

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 5, 2010
4:58 pm

#36 starrydreams :

It’s shit on a stick.

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 5, 2010
4:58 pm

#37 Sculptor69 :

Betty, what did you need a photo of, exactly?

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 5, 2010
4:59 pm

#38 Recovering Crack Baby :

#34 StinkBait Do tell us more- I am very interested.

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 5, 2010
5:04 pm

#39 BettyMachete :

#37 Sculptor69- was hoping to commission Max- and a group /athletic/action shot of a group of basketball players, female. I may just send a photo of my sisters and me and have him interpret!

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 5, 2010
5:04 pm

#40 littykidder :

Does anyone actually believe this pile of schtick?

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 5, 2010
5:05 pm

#41 PinwheelPeeWee :

Anybody else thinking she should probably install better ventilation in her “exotic oils and waxes” room?

Rate this comment: +16

Feb 5, 2010
5:06 pm

#42 Monstrosa :

It makes me miss my stick, Stickley. Oh, we had such great times together on the island, frolicking on the beach, pointing and poking at things. Stickley was much taller, though.

Rate this comment: +42

Feb 5, 2010
5:07 pm

#43 Thistle :

#27: he says “I don’t hold them down and pull them out with pliers”

im not sure i believe him

Rate this comment: +14

Feb 5, 2010
5:09 pm

#44 Wilma Fingerdoo :

Hippie Dildo.

Then again, I feel like I’m reading Faery soft porn.

Rate this comment: +23

Feb 5, 2010
5:10 pm

#45 Monstrosa :

#42 Thistle :
Whiskers do fall out on occasion. I’ll find one one the floor now and then. Ima savin’ ‘em from now on. though. Crafty me.

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 5, 2010
5:12 pm

#46 Patty has been abuducted by an alien :

During a recent snowstorm, I had a whole mess of these fall off the lilac tree in my yard.

Like an idiot, I burned them in the firepit out back.

I could have made THOUSANDS! Gah!

Rate this comment: +22

Feb 5, 2010
5:12 pm

#47 Recovering Crack Baby :

I had no idea what a land mine of Fuckery I have out here. Time to set up shop.
I have enough sticks for a stick to shake a stick at another stick.
The size of poo ranges from a rabbit to a deer- due to the low temps it is excatly the same as it was when they laid there load.
The fucking pine cones and acorns- even an experienced miner would need a long ass time and alot of equipment to harvest all of them.
REAL fossils and Lake Superior Agates.
PussyWillows and Blue Bell’s.
Cow Pies.

Rate this comment: +17

Feb 5, 2010
5:13 pm

#48 Sculptor69 :

#39 Betty, just GIS the WNBA. I’m sure you can find some decent reference shots.

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 5, 2010
5:14 pm

#49 Wilma Fingerdoo :

Betty, I hope Max works his wonders with my thighs.

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 5, 2010
5:17 pm

#50 sudabaki© :

$45 Patty:
“Like an idiot, I burned them in the firepit out back.” Just scoop out the ash, write some bull shit description about it being from a faerie pyre or some such fuckery nonsense and you’re all set. You can even have that ideal for free.

Rate this comment: +47

Feb 5, 2010
5:18 pm

#51 lyontamer :

#27 It’s true, cat whiskers fall out on their own. I have a whole jar full.

Rate this comment: -2

Feb 5, 2010
5:20 pm

#52 lyontamer :

#45 and 48: Yep. Fire is the element of change, ya know. Just write up some woowoo fuckery about the fire’s and wood’s magical properties working together as represented by the ash, and you’re all set.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 5, 2010
5:20 pm

#53 Bronc Drywall :

WIccans are actually more annoying than Christians. As bad as Christians may be at times, at least they don’t think they can perform magic spells.

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 5, 2010
5:24 pm

#54 littykidder :

It appears that some faeries got out of the bottle, shamelessly plugging & pimping their wares on here…

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 5, 2010
5:25 pm

#55 Captain Pasty :

All this time I’ve been working minimum wage. And I could have just sold some garden waste for $20 a piece.

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 5, 2010
5:26 pm

#56 Patty has been abuducted by an alien :

Suda:

I was walking through the woods one day when I slipped on what I can only assume was fae urine. I looked up & under this toadstool was a tiny cauldron and the remnants of tiny, teardrop-shaped egg sacs. There were tiny voodoo-type dolls of a large human hand & I realized, I had (literally!) stumbled on a fairy black magicK ritual. I scooped up the ash as fast as I could & I put it in a little vial that you can now own… for the small sum of $158!

Rate this comment: +33

Feb 5, 2010
5:26 pm

#57 MajorDanger :

“at least they don’t think they can perform magic spells.”

Transubstantiation comes pretty close.

Besides, there are two sides to every story: At least wiccans don’t drink wine out of a golden spit-cup and call it the Blood of Christ.

Rate this comment: +21

Feb 5, 2010
5:30 pm

#58 sudabaki© :

#56 Patty: Brilliant, I’d totally buy it! Oh wait no I wouldn’t but brilliant none the less.

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 5, 2010
5:33 pm

#59 Monstrosa :

#56 Patty:
It’s still cheaper than saffron. I could use that in a magickal curry that I’ll stir with a stick.

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 5, 2010
5:52 pm

#60 Mistletoe :

#44: Hippie Dildo.

Adds whole new meaning to “it’s a fucking stick.”

Rate this comment: +49

Feb 5, 2010
5:59 pm

#61 jeffreyrcarey :

What is it with all the whackos out there that are so into faeries and unicorns. Are these people totally lost? My God. And to sell a piece of kindling for $20 claiming it has some magical or mystical qualities is just totally insane. (I don’t know what the description said, it bored the living shit out of me after the first sentence.) Whack job!

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 5, 2010
6:00 pm

#62 whaapplewha :

I love this. Even as she is dissing the whole fairy phenomenon, she is trying to sell fairy items to people.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 5, 2010
6:26 pm

#63 blondeweezie :

#60 Mistletoe :
#44: Hippie Dildo.

Adds whole new meaning to “it’s a fucking stick.”

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=31645675

No, THIS is a f*cking stick. On a rope.

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 5, 2010
6:29 pm

#64 strawberrylumps :

That description gave me a severe case of MEGO (my eyes glazed over).

Maybe she could use this to impale and capture those baby faeries.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 5, 2010
6:30 pm

#65 fenrislorsrai :

And elsewhere in the shop there’s a sacred bundle of sticks for burning:
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=38403574

YEAH.

I believe I can get those for free outside. The fall off the trees everytime it snows.

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 5, 2010
6:30 pm

#66 Feel Free To Customise and Whimsiclise My Vagina :

whats with all the thumbs down haters?

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 5, 2010
6:37 pm

#67 HomeAlone :

Makes me think about the spin big advertisers put on more socially acceptable landfill material that makes us all want to buy it. I’m sure a certain segment of the population will find this a very useful, um, tool….

Eh, at least it’s biodegradable.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 5, 2010
6:42 pm

#68 spankerella :

You mean I can go pick sticks out of my yard and write a “the kind of sense that’s not” description and make money? And all this time I’ve been working a 9-5 job. Silly me.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 5, 2010
6:44 pm

#69 littykidder :

It is still a better bargain than that fauxfolksy catcow scuzzy lace curtainy blob with a busted record thingy.

Rate this comment: +19

Feb 5, 2010
6:56 pm

#70 lyontamer :

#9 I would so buy that!

Rate this comment: -1

Feb 5, 2010
6:56 pm

#71 angatdorotheas :

now THIS

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=30724134&ref=sr_gallery_4&&ga_search_query=wood+dildo&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&includes=tags&includes=title

really IS a “fucking stick”. And apple too…..feel the magic!

Rate this comment: +25

Feb 5, 2010
7:00 pm

#72 littykidder :

# 71 , thanks for pointing the link out , sounds so fabulous, shaped by his own two hands with no splinters! Imagine that.EWWWWWWWWW

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 5, 2010
7:02 pm

#73 angatdorotheas :

no problem #72 LK….I saw them a long time ago on etsy and seriously never thought I’d have any reason to revisit the listing! ow, and no thank you.

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 5, 2010
7:07 pm

#74 Monstrosa :

#73 angatdorotheas :
“Salad bowl varnish.” Sounds sexy.

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 5, 2010
7:10 pm

#75 lyontamer :

#53 Oh, yes they do. When they’re standing in circles holding hands, talking to an invisible man in the center, asking for stuff, that’s a spell. They just call it something else.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 5, 2010
7:11 pm

#76 Lola :

That’s a nice fucking stick, but it’s not gonna make unicorns any less fruity.

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 5, 2010
7:12 pm

#77 lyontamer :

Had to give one to #66, just for spite.

Rate this comment: 0

Feb 5, 2010
7:14 pm

#78 razberries :

bronc has a new “avatar”…ha

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 5, 2010
7:17 pm

#79 biggles5 :

Why would anyone pay $20 for this when they could get a whole pile of sticks for only $10?

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=38403574

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 5, 2010
7:23 pm

#80 lyontamer :

There are different reasons to thumbs-down. Like #20, which I did out of agreement that the dress sucks badly.

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 5, 2010
7:25 pm

#81 janncri :

Is this crazy bitch cutting off her cat’s whiskers?

Rate this comment: +1

Feb 5, 2010
7:25 pm

#82 Bronc Drywall :

I see that I got 4 thumbs-down for my last comment. What gives? Who did I offend- Wiccans or Christians? I don’t know how I’m going to get to sleep tonight.

Rate this comment: +15

Feb 5, 2010
7:42 pm

#83 MAG :

OMG…I must have…like…a billion dollars of inventory in my backyard. I’ll start a company.
Itsafuckingstick, Inc.!

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 5, 2010
7:44 pm

#84 sudabaki© :

#82 I’m into flying spaghetti. I gave ya a thumbs up.

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 5, 2010
7:49 pm

#85 dscokween :

I couldn’t get past the first sentence to read the rest of that bs, but I do have to confess I always like wood to be as natural as possible. That stick, though, is pretty f-ing ugly. Seems more suitable for some Buffy slaying than forest-fuckery.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 5, 2010
7:53 pm

#86 steviesegel :

IT’S A STICK
(shit sold separately)

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 5, 2010
7:57 pm

#87 IscreamUscream :

@biggles5–yeah, her “wholesale” price is much cheaper–what gives?

But I gotta love reading her descriptions…it confuses my brain in the same way drugs do.

Rate this comment: +9

Feb 5, 2010
8:04 pm

#88 redredred :

I had to stop reading after my eyes began to bleed. Now that I think of it, it might have been brain matter trying to escape the torture.

If there were unicorns and fairies, one thing is for certain, they probably would know better than to communicate with someone waving a stick around and chanting.

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 5, 2010
8:08 pm

#89 madamedefarge :

Seriously, didn’t anyone tell her she could poke someone’s eye out playing with a stick?

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 5, 2010
8:16 pm

#90 blondeweezie :

#71 angatdorotheas :
now THIS

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=30724134&ref=sr_gallery_4&&ga_search_query=wood+dildo&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&includes=tags&includes=title

really IS a “fucking stick”. And apple too…..feel the magic!

Oy, the splinters from that!!!

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 5, 2010
8:18 pm

#91 IscreamUscream :

So I just have to ask…do people really take this wand stuff seriously, or is this seller a put-on? I’m afraid I’ll laugh uncontrollably if I encounter somebody waving a stick, chanting on one of my daily hikes–so far, so good!

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 5, 2010
8:27 pm

#92 redredred :

#91 IscreamUscream: Of the Wiccan people I know, they do use “wands” so to speak in prayers/rituals. It has a symbolic meaning. I don’t know too much about it since religion isn’t exactly my forte, but I think it’s similar to the Catholic use of rosaries when praying. I have yet to see them in a park trying to communicate with mythical creatures.

Rate this comment: +14

Feb 5, 2010
9:18 pm

#93 uh huh :

Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

Rate this comment: -5

Feb 5, 2010
9:19 pm

#94 SquirrelHumphrey :

Actually, this seller and her sticks don’t bother me. She is just verbose and well-versed in folklore. She seems to sincerely revere Nature, and her customers are happy. That being said, isn’t this a beauty?

http://www.etsy.com/view_transaction.php?transaction_id=23743710

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 5, 2010
9:26 pm

#95 littykidder :

A real beauty indeed , reminds me of petrified corn poop soap.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 5, 2010
9:35 pm

#96 snarkeygirl :

You lost me at “faieryies” or whatever the spelling! It’s a stick. I like my Professor Snape wand better.

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 5, 2010
9:38 pm

#97 snarkeygirl :

AND…… How about a big Regretsy cheer for all of you who actually read that description… I was just too tired to even try…. HUZZAH!

Rate this comment: +17

Feb 5, 2010
10:26 pm

#98 turnaround :

$20 for a stick.

Fuck you.

That’s the best response I can do right now.

Rate this comment: +19

Feb 5, 2010
10:31 pm

#99 thatswhatshesaid :

yeah i’m definitely not reading that description. i’m far too excited to get my new stick, er, i mean stunning natural wood wand order in place. i can’t wait to chase my children and other people’s children with it. i hope i get if before valentines day so i can stab my true love with it and then bring him back to life with my fairy dust.

Rate this comment: +10

Feb 5, 2010
10:53 pm

#100 ThisJustMakesMeSad :

Am I the ONLY one who has noticed she has had 364 SALES?! Somewhere an asylum lost it’s precious funding, people!

Either that or a great big box of this stuff was delivered to an architecture of madness and the patients fought their way out using magic.

Either way, we’re screwed. Hold me.

Rate this comment: +18

Feb 5, 2010
10:54 pm

#101 ThisJustMakesMeSad :

OK, somebody really needs to photoshop that darn cute Regretsy kitty into this listing: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=39862900

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 5, 2010
11:31 pm

#102 ciaohowdy :

Wait, wait…what are we doing with fairies and unicorns and a sharpened stick? Because I’m thinking a loaded gun would probably work better.

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 6, 2010
12:55 am

#103 JustJon :

That is NOT a stick.

It is a boomerang so magical, it doesn’t come back to you.

Rate this comment: +13

Feb 6, 2010
2:57 am

#104 methuselah :

@ #53 Bronc Drywall – Too tired to read if anyone else has pointed this out, but Christians do think they can perform magic spells. It’s called imprecatory prayer, and it’s practiced by goddamn fucking pieces of shit like this who pray for Obama’s death:

http://www.splcenter.org/blog/2009/06/25/pastor-asks-god-to-smite-president-obama/

Others use the bible to encourage others to pray for the same:

http://thinkprogress.org/2009/11/19/pray-obama-psal/

Rate this comment: +15

Feb 6, 2010
3:31 am

#105 lililysol :

she also makes mini-dicks, I mean mini-sticks… I mean mini-wands…
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=31646443

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 6, 2010
5:43 am

#106 littykidder :

#104 methuselah,
OY VEY

I’ll take fae fluff, wacky wiccas & sacred stick shit over this bible babble anyday.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 6, 2010
5:53 am

#107 envy :

ok, way late to the party.
literal thoughts:
“Shit! Is that a stick? Holy fuck! How much are they charging for that stick? $20.00? Are you shitting me?!?”

Apparently, little did I know in that I have an orchard in the backyard — apparently I actually have a fucking money tree! Boo-yah!

Excuse me, I need to go out and collect twigs, and apparenyly get out a pencil sharpener…

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 6, 2010
7:02 am

#108 whimsiclefuckery :

364 sales? Have you seen how many of those $20 sticks this person has actually sold? I’m totally in the wrong business.

I can’t believe how many people have bought sticks. Now whenever I walk down the street I’m going to be looking at all the people wondering which ones are fucking stick-buyers.

Rate this comment: +25

Feb 6, 2010
7:22 am

#109 banjobraids :

Before I had even scrolled down, my 6yo daughter said “It’s just a stick.”

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 6, 2010
7:37 am

#110 nitebyrd :

A hand-crafted fairy/unicorn dildo. How lovely.

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 6, 2010
9:48 am

#111 Skully :

For $20, the seller should include a couple leafy leaves.

Rate this comment: +19

Feb 6, 2010
10:40 am

#112 madamedefarge :

#111 Skully :
For $20, the seller should include a couple leafy leaves.
——————–
On a magnet

Rate this comment: +12

Feb 6, 2010
11:33 am

#113 BettyMachete :

You know what REALLY attracts faeries and unicorns?
LSD

Rate this comment: +28

Feb 6, 2010
3:05 pm

#114 raven :

What the hell?
Who would want to buy it after reading all of that? A buyer would not have enough energy left to push the purchase button!

Rate this comment: +4

Feb 6, 2010
3:52 pm

#115 Night Cowl :

The whole time I was reading that description, the phrase ‘it’s fucking stick’ kept going through my mind. Imagine my surprise when I got to the end and in the comment box Helen Killer typed those exact words. Exact.

I am now offering my services as a psychic. I will not charge anyone, for I feel this is a true gift. While I am not an ordained minister, I was raised an Episcopalian and taught sunday school.

I *knew* you were going to click the ‘thumbs down’ button.

Rate this comment: +19

Feb 6, 2010
3:55 pm

#116 Night Cowl :

“It’s a fucking stick”, “it’s a fucking stick”

god, I hate when that happens. I can screw up a punchline like nobodies business too.

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 6, 2010
5:15 pm

#117 vergeofsomething :

Hm. How do you get splinters out of a non-felt vagoo?

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 6, 2010
5:16 pm

#118 Kiwihasdreads :

Took longer to write that description out than picking that thing up and whittling the end maybe 2 times.

I don’t know what “consecration” means, and I don’t want to know.

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 6, 2010
5:57 pm

#119 Mistletoe :

71: OK, I gotta admit it, you win. That most certainly IS a fucking stick.

Incidentally, I think “My dildos are shaped entirely by hand” might be worth considering for a T-shirt design.

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 6, 2010
6:50 pm

#120 vergeofsomething :

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=4769904&l=f997ae603e&id=562289679

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 6, 2010
7:48 pm

#121 littykidder :

#119 Mistletoe, great idea ! ,for sale next to the hello clitty mitties perhaps?

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 6, 2010
8:25 pm

#122 Meg88 :

Thank God. My unicorns have been so unruly lately.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 6, 2010
9:44 pm

#123 Skully :

This has nothing to do with stick for sale, but WTF:

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=40132100

Rate this comment: +11

Feb 6, 2010
10:22 pm

#124 whaapplewha :

#123 Skully!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS AWESOMESAUCE. Are you going to buy it? And frame it and hang it in your bathroom?

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 6, 2010
10:26 pm

#125 whaapplewha :

It looks like she could demolish the pickle jar with that ass. Fierce.

I am happy to see that he’s got some new additions besides your picture. The hot springs one really…uh…well. At least he’s taking her out of the house.

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 7, 2010
9:16 am

#126 Skully :

Whaapplewha: I’m gonna buy it, that’s the only honorable option since I suggested the piece. Maybe we can barter, I’ll trade him my faerie/unicorn wand for the drawing.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 7, 2010
10:01 am

#127 BettyMachete :

whaapplewha and Skully–that is hilarious! Max is a good sport for offering his renditions. He offered to do my action/basketball team nude. Thinking of a family photo for him to interpret/sketch in the nude. Next year’s Christmas card?

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 7, 2010
10:24 am

#128 Wilma Fingerdoo :

Skully, this is truly fabulous!

Ya know, Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. Nothing says I Love You like a Max original sketch of a mature, thunder thighed woman riding a tractor crushing pickles.
I’m sure whoever you give it to will “treasure” it.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 7, 2010
10:33 am

#129 BettyMachete :

Wilma- wondering if the Regretsy World is ready to see our nude renditions on Max’s site. Our thighs may appear larger on paper.

PS Wilma and Betty are related…

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 7, 2010
10:47 am

#130 Skully :

Whaapplewha, Betty, Wilma: I’m considering framing the piece and donating it to the local John Deere office/dist. center. And yes, Max is a good sport, I have a feeling we’re gonna join forces on Etsy.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 7, 2010
10:55 am

#131 BettyMachete :

Skully- What a great ideal! Surely John Deere will enjoy. Maybe even feature on a tractor calendar! Methinks a Regretsy Calendar would take off as well, but real profits are in selling sticks and ideals.

Rate this comment: +7

Feb 7, 2010
2:52 pm

OMG, I would love a Regretsy calendar!!

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 7, 2010
3:18 pm

#133 whaapplewha :

#127 Betty- I think that nothing captures the spirit of Christmas better than a naked family portrait. Maybe you could all be wearing antler or candycane headbands?

Rate this comment: +6

Feb 7, 2010
3:40 pm

#134 hidden due to low comment rating :

Why ISN’T there a Regretsy calendar yet?

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 7, 2010
4:28 pm

#135 BettyMachete :

sudabaki and whapplewha- a calendar would be whimsicle. Nude family members with antlers- PRICELESS. I would be put in a vault for doing that.

Rate this comment: +8

Feb 8, 2010
12:45 am

#136 whaapplewha :

Totally unrelated to anything in this thread, but still funny (I thought): On Tosh.0 he featured a web clip of a guy on a beach trying to put his pants on like a jacket. He had an arm in each leg and kept trying to shrug it on like you would a jacket. It was pretty awesome.

What would that be, a Packet? Jants? Shirants?

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 8, 2010
4:24 am

#137 Wilma Fingerdoo :

Betty,
You are already in the family vault so why not a nude Max sketch Christmas Cards. Best way to announce to everyone that you are converting to Wiccan now chasing faeries and unicorns and dropping LSD.

Rate this comment: +3

Feb 8, 2010
11:35 am

#138 Ivriniel :

So if this a wand with an “untamed elemental quality” that’s “untamed/untameable” then why is it made out of apple, a domesticated tree species?

Seems a bit contradictory, don’t it?

Rate this comment: +5

Feb 8, 2010
1:19 pm

#139 Social Outcast :

The Babelfish translation actually made me choke.

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 11, 2010
5:10 am

#140 superfran :

It makes me sad that she has 299 positive ratings. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=39862900

Rate this comment: +2

Feb 13, 2010
6:26 pm

#141 StringTheory101 :

I can’t use it. I’m a PC, and it’s an Apple…

Rate this comment: +1

Jul 19, 2010
3:32 am

#142 hellsbells :

you beauty! Ive just pruned our apple tree and have a pile of wood just waiting mass wand processing…..do you think it matters that the next doors tomcat just p*ssed on it (Iactually just witnessed this out the window!!!)

Rate this comment: 0

Aug 5, 2010
3:22 pm

#143 Stretch65 :

…It’s better than a sharp stick in the eye…. HEY NOW THERE’S AN IDEA!!!

Rate this comment: 0